Chapter Thirty Seven: Understanding.

Harry searched around the castle for Severus but hadn't been able to find him yet. He first checked Snape's classroom, thinking he may have gone there for some peace and quiet. Then he headed out to the upper levels, the Great Hall and then the courtyard. He was still nowhere to be seen.
In his hurry, he'd completely forgotten about the map he could have used. But it was too late now. He wasn't going to go all the way back down to the dungeons just to have to run back up here again.
He was surprised that the snow had come early this year, and the ground was covered in white. Of course, being down in the dungeons, he had no idea what the weather was like up here half the time. He was thankful that he grabbed his jacket.
He put his hands into his pockets to protect them and figured if he couldn't find Severus, then he may as well see Hagrid. Maybe he'd seen him, and if not, then maybe it was just better to let Snape have his time alone in his thoughts.
Heading down the stone steps, the grounds were almost empty. Harry hadn't seen many students at all. He'd run into Professor Flitwick through his search (who hadn't seen Snape and was surprised to see him staying here), but that was the only professor, and he was more keen on talking about what he'd seen in the Daily Prophet than anything else.
When he reached Hagrid's door, he heard Fang inside, barking loudly, paws banging against the thick, wooden door. Soon enough, Hagrid's cheery face popped out, keeping Fang back by his collar.

"Ello, Harry! I didn' know yeh were stayin' 'ere over the holidays!" beamed the half-giant. "Why don' yeh come in fer a cuppa?"

Harry just smiled, not wanting to let Hagrid get any other ideas. "Um, I'd love to, but I had a question," he butted in, "Have you seen Severus?"

Hagrid's cheeks seemed to go red at Harry calling Snape by his first name. He'd seen the paper, too, so he knew very well how close Harry and the Potions master were now.
He cleared his throat, kicking Fang inside. "I thought he would've bin with yeh… you know, seein' the paper an' all," he said awkwardly, his eyes looking down past his big belly and to his boots.

Harry felt blood rise to his cheeks. "Oh… you saw that, too?" he muttered, feeling embarrassed. He'd have to get used to it, though.

"The whole bloomin' world's seen it, Harry!" said Hagrid. "I thought yeh were stayin' there… Why are yeh back 'ere?" he asked curiously, a bushy brow raising.

"Exactly because of the Prophet stalking me," stated the Gryffindor irritably. Hagrid fell silent. "It's Christmas soon, and I'm not going to get bugged over by stupid journalists trying to capture every little thing about my life. Hogwarts is protected, and no journalists can come in here unless Professor McGonagall allows it, so… it just seemed the safest bet."

Well, that was fair enough. Hagrid didn't even know how Harry did it all the time. They were bloody vultures. Vultures were probably nicer, really!
"Well, no… I 'aven't seen 'im. He is a professor, Harry. Maybe he's just takin' a round, or maybe he's searchin' for potion ingredients? He does tha' a lot in the Forest in his spare time. Wha' 'appened ter your hair?"

Harry's hand went to the cut side of his head. "Oh… I was getting it cut…" he muttered. "Well, that was before I sort of… upset Snape," he said, looking up at Hagrid who was wearing a curious look across his face.

"Oh… Well… I'm sure he'll come 'round soon enough. He's a smart wizard," Hagrid said, trying to sound reassuring. He didn't really know how to deal with any of this. He was pretty bad at relationships as it was.
"Look, I'm sure he'll turn up. It's not like Professor Snape ter go out an' do summat stupid. Wha' exactly 'appened, if yeh don' mind me askin'?" he questioned, opening the door and letting Harry come inside. He may as well take a seat and wait. Snape was sure to turn up somewhere. Plus, it was cold and snowy outside. Snape wasn't stupid enough to catch a cold in this weather.

Walking into the cabin, Harry didn't want to sit down, really, but considering the walls were draped with who knew what, he decided taking one of the large seats in the room was probably a better idea. Hagrid moved over the pot and put it on the fire to boil.
"Um… well… I guess I didn't really do anything, I just…" How to tell Hagrid without saying Snape was afraid of snakes. Well, he 'wasn't' apparently, but he begged to differ. Even if Snape wasn't afraid of them, he was still nervous around them.
"Have you ever been traumatised?" he asked, raising his brows to look at Hagrid.

Hagrid took a look at himself. "It's a bit hard to traumatise summat as big as me, Harry," he chuckled.

Harry supposed asking about an animal probably wasn't going to get to Hagrid's head anyway. He loved every dangerous species there was in the world!
"Well… what about when something bad happened? Like, say a dragon?" he asked, Hagrid just giving him a curious look. "If you got bit by one, would you instantly go back to it? Without being frightened that it might bite again?"

Hagrid wasn't daft, he knew where this was going. "Ter be perfectly honest with yeh, Harry, I'm not the kinda person yeh wanna be talkin' to 'bout creatures. Bu' I think I know where yeh're goin' with this. Professor Snape's havin' a hard time with snakes after he got attacked?"

The Gryffindor nodded, feeling guilty that he'd exposed that about Snape. "I don't think he's… scared-scared, I just think… he's nervous. I mean, you know he's a Slytherin—obviously—Head of House. He has to see snakes all the time. He's kinda forced to get over any fear he has of them. But… I found this painting on the floor. It was a snake," he explained, "When I asked him about it, he just said he forgot to put it back up. I kinda pushed him about it, but he got all defensive—you know how he is." He looked back at Hagrid.

Boy, did he ever. Snape wasn't a person to let anyone inside that head of his.

"Anyway, he got all snappy over it, and when he went to put the painting back up… he froze. And then he just left without saying anything. I shouldn't have egged him on about it, but…" He shrugged, feeling guilty over the whole thing.

Hagrid scratched awkwardly at his bushy chin. "Well… yeh're in a relationship, Harry, I'm sure the both of yer will be fine. Jus' let 'im have his alone time. Ol' Snape ain't used to people chasin' after 'im."

What if Snape wanted to be chased after, though? Harry knew Hagrid probably wasn't the best person to get relationship advice from, but he had enjoyed it when Snape had come after him in Spinner's End.
"I'll finish my cup of tea before I go," he said, Hagrid nodding and pulling the kettle off the fire. They didn't speak anymore on Snape and his relationship, and Harry was perfectly fine with that. Instead, he told Hagrid all about Hermione going to Australia, and Ron to Romania again. Hagrid was always fond of hearing about the dragons, of course. He'd be sure to tell Hagrid all about them if Ron sent any letters these holidays.
When he'd finished what he could drink of the massive mug of tea, he said goodbye to Hagrid and stepped back into the snow. He'd decided that he'd check the Astronomy Tower and the Owlery. So tucking his jacket around him, he headed back to the castle and up to the Owlery.
To be honest, he wasn't expecting Snape to be in the Owlery, so he wasn't surprised when it was empty (besides the birds). Unfortunately, it meant he had to head all the way to the Astronomy Tower. There, he did see a set of dark robes.
"Severus?" he murmured quietly. Snape's head turned lightly, but not all the way. He turned back around, his hand on the rail of the tower, the breeze flicking his hair to the side. Harry moved forward, stepping up beside the taller wizard.
He looked down over the grounds, remembering that this was the place he had embarrassedly blurted out the fact that he 'liked' Professor Snape. God, that had been embarrassing. But in the end, it had been worth it. He doubted Snape ever would have told him that he had feelings for him otherwise. He preferred that memory to Dumbledore's death.
"I'm sorry about what I said… I shouldn't have pushed you like that," he said softly, looking back at the dark eyes gazing across the grounds. "I just… I wanted to help."

"I'm not afraid of serpents," Snape stated, looking at Harry.

"Are you telling me that, or trying to convince yourself?"

Severus' brow furrowed angrily before the creases softened. He turned his head once more, looking away from Harry. He wasn't afraid of snakes. He wasn't! He was just nervous around them. Every time he had to come into contact with one of them the scars on his neck burned. The images of those curved fangs punching into his soft flesh, blood splattering against his skin. It made him wince.

"I can help you. We can get through this together," Harry reassured.

He didn't need help! Snape shook his head and turned, his robes whirling.

"Severus! Please!"

The Slytherin froze, back straight as he swallowed hard. The pleading in Harry's voice was nail scraping to his ears. Why did he come back here? Why did he come to the place where he had to kill Albus?
Gently, he looked over his shoulder, Harry facing him, eyes large with desperation behind those round glasses of his. He couldn't lie anymore. To himself, to Harry. So what if he had a fear? Everyone had them. It was just trauma. He wasn't truly afraid of them, it was just something he needed to push himself through, and he already had been.
"I am not afraid of snakes, Potter. I am just…"

"Anxious around them?" Harry suggested. Snape just gave a simple nod and he approached the older wizard. Leaning his hand down, he took Snape's. "I can't say I'm too fond of them myself, Severus. But you can get through this. You did with…" Harry paused before he said, "werewolves."

"What do you suggest? You order them all to be polite to me?" the Potions master scoffed in a hostile manner, ripping his hand from Harry's grasp.

Harry gave a very small, sad laugh through his nose. "No… actually, I can't talk to snakes anymore."

"What?" Snape lifted a brow. His voice softened a tad, "You informed me that-,"

"Yeah, I know… but… I think it was something that just ended up fading away…" said the Gryffindor. "I tried... with the snake in the portrait you had, but it didn't listen to me. Didn't seem like it understood me either. I can't really tell, you know? It sounding like English and everything, like always."

Severus just nodded. "Apparently the Dark Lord's gifts do fade… Well… some," he muttered.

Harry let his hands trail up Snape's left arm. Without his usual frock-coat on, it was easy for him to roll the sleeve up and expose the scar on Severus' arm. "Are we okay?" he asked, looking up through the curtain of black hair that covered Snape's face.

Feeling the underside of his arm being gently stroked with those nimble fingers, Severus nodded. It wasn't like he could really stay angry at Harry anyway. It wasn't really his fault. Sure, he'd urged him a little, but he was just picking and prying to get the truth out. They were in a relationship, they should know very much about one another. But neither of them liked opening old wounds.
"We are, 'okay', as you put it," he agreed. He looked down at the Gryffindor and frowned. "Your hair looks utterly ridiculous…"

Harry looked up, as if he could see his own hair, giving a chuckle. "Yeah… well… someone didn't finish cutting it. And I wanted to look for you… I don't care what I look like anyway," he shrugged.

"Clearly," Snape muttered, lifting a hand to try and brush down the patch that had been cut. "I should finish this."

Leaning into the touch, Harry looked away embarrassedly. "I can't believe I just blurted out the fact that I liked you up here a month or whatever ago." How long ago had that been? For some reason, it seemed forever ago when he started having feelings for Snape. Somehow it just felt natural now, like he couldn't even remember him hating him.

Severus felt his body tense a little at the memory. Yes, that had been awkward and embarrassing. Harry had so openly stated that he'd liked him, and instead of telling Potter he shared the same feelings, he just stayed silent. But back then, he didn't know what he felt. He knew he liked Harry, but he most certainly never wanted to admit that! Not after the past they shared. Not after James or Lily.
His feelings for Harry had grown very strong in such a short time. He thought it was pathetic. It was weak of him. He'd told himself he'd never love again, and that he'd be utterly loyal to the love of his life—Lily Evans. But that wasn't true anymore. He knew that now more than anything.
Sure, Snape wasn't the nicest of people, but that all changed when it came to someone he'd grown to care for. He couldn't just toss his personality away, but his feelings for Potter felt all too familiar to his previous wounded heart. He just couldn't face that again. So he'd tried his hardest to ignore it, to push it all away.
Potter was persistent, though. Especially when he clearly figured out that he did like him back. He didn't know how Harry had come to learn that information, but surely that would have been the only way Harry would have openly flirted with him that day in the rain. He figured he'd learnt about the bond. Granger was more than smart enough to figure that out if Potter had said anything about it.
"Yes, that certainly was… something," he finally murmured. That was a night he'd positively never forget.

Harry gave a silly grin. "You did like me back then, didn't you? You just didn't want to admit it."

"Do you honestly need to ask, Potter?" he said, moving back towards the balcony. His sleeves rolled back down without his touch, and he motioned for Harry to join him. Even though it was snowy and cold, it still looked lovely over the grounds. Winter always was his favourite season.
"I believe things changed for the both of us when you saved my life… Our magic knew that without us even being close to one another. It sparked the day you saved me, and… well, ever since I suppose I haven't been able to get you from my mind."
He looked at the Gryffindor who was standing beside him, wearing a very teenage-like grin. Looking down, he took Harry's hand into his own, turning to face him. "Harry, the day you saved my life, I realised you were completely different from the person I always told myself you were. Arrogant, attention seeking. You are neither. You are compassionate and caring for others. Anyone who is in need. You could have left me to die when Nagini attacked me. Instead, you took me back to the castle as a traitor. Before you even knew the truth."

"I couldn't just let you die like that…" Harry murmured, looking up to those dark brown/almost black eyes.

"Exactly," said Severus. "That makes all the difference in who you are, Harry. I've seen many things. Many cruel things before me happen. Things I could do nothing to stop. Someone you hated, you came back for, not being able to let them die."

"You would have done the same thing."

"Would I have?" asked the Slytherin. Deep down, Severus was not a bad person. No, he wasn't good, and he'd done many bad, stupid and terrible things in his younger years. Being loyal to Dumbledore was the best choice he had ever made in his life. But would he have saved someone he had truly hated?

"You protected me all this time. You hated me, we both know that. You hated what I reminded you of. Of my father. Or my mother. And you did it. Every single day…" Harry said almost forcefully as he gripped Snape's hand. "You would have done the same thing… I know you would have. You changed when you went to Dumbledore. You realised your mistakes. You regretted it—I saw it! I was there! There's no denying the desperation and hurt I saw in your eyes in those memories. They were honest and true."

Severus looked away, his hair covering his view for a moment before he felt a warm Gryffindor hand take his cheek.

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You think you're this terrible person because of what you did years ago. But all these years you've spent doing the right things? It doesn't mean they weren't painless, but they were right. You redeemed yourself long ago in my books."

Severus scoffed lightly. "You hated me a few months ago, Potter."

"Yeah, and I also thought you were a Death Eater bastard who betrayed Dumbledore all this time, too," Harry stated. "I don't mean my feelings back then. Back then, I was an idiot and ignorant to your right doings. All the time I thought you were singling me out because you hated me and wanted to humiliate me, not because you were trying to teach me how to protect myself. But knowing all that now? Yeah, you have redeemed yourself, despite my feelings or not. That doesn't change anything," he made clear. "You still redeemed yourself."

Harry was too kind. Severus' views would never change, but he appreciated Potter's words. Leaning his hand back over the balcony, he watched as the snow began to flurry down once more. "You asked what kind of magic I could do a few days back," he said.

Looking up, Harry gave a curious look to the professor as he remembered their conversation. It had been about accidental magic when they were children. He'd seen a young Severus making birds out of leaves. That was more than what he could do at that age.

"I'm afraid you may not like it, but…" Cupping his hands, he gently pulled the snow towards him, it forming a solid form. "It will melt… but… it's a lily."

Looking at Snape's hands, Harry saw the small solid formed ice sculpture of a lily flower. He wasn't expecting anything like that from Snape. He knew he was a powerful wizard, which was why he was expecting something more climatic, not so… soft.
But that was the thing about Severus, wasn't it? He was hard on the outside. He had a thick shell that no one else could get into but him. He knew who Severus was now. He wasn't this cold-hearted evil Death Eater that everyone had come to believe.
He hadn't always been a good wizard, but he had made mistakes in his childhood. He even knew they were stupid, and he regretted them. Snape was actually quite a soft, caring man when you got to know him—not that he'd ever admit that, of course.
Lifting his hand, he gently took the cold and wet sculpture into his palm. It was already beginning to melt from the warmth of his skin, but he could see every defined detail. "It's really pretty…" he said, looking back up to Snape, who had his hands behind his back now.

"It's not much, Harry, just simple magic I learnt when I was younger."

"It's still better than what I could do," said Harry, watching as the lily melted away. His heart pulled a little at the thought of his mother, at the thought that Severus could do this most likely because of the impact she had in his life. Just like his Patronus. He'd really loved her. He almost felt guilty that he was here and she wasn't.
"I'm sorry…" he whispered, looking down. "If… if it weren't for me, you and my mother could have been together. She wouldn't have died… It's… it's my fault you two couldn't be together, and I must be a constant reminder of that."

Severus' lips parted as he listened to Harry blame himself for such a thing. He smoothly lifted the Gryffindor's chin so he would look at him. "Harry, nothing was ever your fault. I made mistakes, and I drove your mother away. I am the blame, and… I have suffered years of torment because of my actions, but if you think I regret that now? Having you here with me? You are mistaken."
Of course, he'd always regret the death of Lily, but that didn't mean any of this was Harry's fault. At one point in time, he sure as hell blamed Harry for being born, but that was wrong of him. Harry was just an innocent child in all of this. He grew up not even knowing of his future. Of his destiny. The path that everyone else had created for him. He was forced to be a hero for the sake of everyone else.

"But…"

Snape moved his finger over the thin lips to stop Harry from going any further. Leaning down, he tenderly kissed the Gryffindor before running his fingers down Harry's cheek. "Those feelings are long gone. I held onto something to fight for, but I don't need that anymore. The war is finished. I will always remember Lily, but she was merely a friend, and that is what she was always going to be. I am glad, otherwise I would not be here with you."
He was a selfish young man back then. He even knew what he was getting himself into was bad, and then he got upset because Lily left him. He was the only one to blame for that. She'd even continued being his friend until she reached the final limit. His feelings for Lily had become obsessive and possessive. She walked away from an unhealthy relationship, and looking back on it, he couldn't blame her. He had been a horrible person (James had been too, though).

A small blush crept across Harry's face. It was amazing how much feelings could change when the truth came out about someone and they understood one another.
"How about you finish cutting my hair and then we go to the shops?"

Severus gave a simple but thankful nod that the subject was changed. They both headed back down to the dungeons, and Severus finished cutting Harry's hair until it was a few centimetres shorter and not covering his eyes so much.
The painting remained on the floor, and Harry didn't push the issue any further. However, he did try speaking Parseltongue, but all Severus heard was English. It seemed that the gift really had disappeared with the death of the Dark Lord.
When Harry went to go and take a shower, he crouched down, picking the painting up. The snake in the painting was in the corner, clearly knocked about from what had happened before. His hands tightened on the frame, and he swallowed hard as his neck burned. It would be fine.
"Get a grip," he muttered to himself, exhaling hard. When he heard movement in the bathroom, he put the frame back up onto the wall and repaired it with a quick spell before Harry came out, drying his hair with a towel.
"Are you ready?" he asked, putting his hands behind his back.

"Yeah," the Gryffindor confirmed, giving a smile as he tossed the towel down. He quickly put it back in the bathroom as he saw the look Snape gave him, though. Right, no tossing things around and leaving them in the wrong places. He gave an apologetic smile.

"Your hair looks better."

"No thanks to you," Harry grinned. He saw the painting on the wall and looked back to Severus. Snape's expression was blank. In return, Harry didn't push the issue, he just nodded and the both of them headed to the villages for the rest of the afternoon.