Chapter Thirty Eight: Possession.
Being back at Hogwarts, things had been more easy going between both Severus and Harry. Harry had a feeling it was because Snape was more comfortable here than back in Spinner's End, and to be honest, Hogwarts had always been a home to Harry more than anywhere else.
Of course, when they went out to the villages, if any reporters were there, they were snapping photographs like no tomorrow. There had already been multiple Daily Prophet photos about them. It turned out they really were like celebrities in bloody magazines. It was quite annoying. Harry was surprised how calm Severus had stayed the whole time, because he was very close to hexing someone.
However, the whole time hadn't been horrible. Eventually he had been able to pick up something for Snape for Christmas. Of course, Harry didn't think it was special, but Severus enjoyed reading, and apparently he insisted that if he were to buy him something then that would be a good choice. So he did.
They had spoken about what he would do when he graduated school as well. Severus said he planned on selling the house back at Spinner's End. He wouldn't get much for it considering the location, but the idea still stood. He figured he was looking somewhere more isolated to live. Probably a bit more room as well. Somewhere where he could take his work home, instead of having to pop in and out by the Floo network if he needed something or had to check on a potion.
Harry still didn't know what he wanted to do—besides go into the Auror academy—but other than that, he didn't know if the invitation to Severus' home would be extended to him. The way Snape spoke about it, it certainly wasn't a passion. Or something he was urging right now. He gathered Snape still had Hogwarts. He was a professor. He could stay here as long as he wanted, really.
Of course, by now, the halls of Hogwarts were filled with Christmas decorations, with the classic tree in the Great Hall that Hagrid had brought in. It was highly decorated, as was everywhere else within the castle. Harry had even managed to talk Snape into letting a small tree inside his quarters.
It was Christmas Eve right now, and the elf that was checking on the mail back in Spinner's End had just popped in to drop off some mail for the both of them. Of course, Harry had gotten a massive letter from Hermione that included all of the details about her trip to Australia. She was still there with her parents—who now had their memories back—and they were spending their Christmas in a beach cabin—as it was Summer over there.
Ron had also sent a Christmas card and a photo for Hagrid of one of the dragons there. Harry couldn't help but grin. Of course, he'd mentioned the photo in the Prophet of him and Snape kissing, just like Hermione had—although Ron's was, like always, much more immature. Harry could feel his ears burning as he read it.
He was however, surprised when he saw the next letter. It was from Ginny… To be honest, since she had been confronted with the issue on love potion, she hadn't been the same at all. He'd tried to keep their friendship, but things were strained. He couldn't help that, though. She'd been poisoning his mind with the stuff for months on end! Although he'd tried to move past it, it was something that would always be in the back of his mind when he saw her. She had betrayed his trust.
Feeling a little nervous, he checked to see if Severus was still in the room with him. He was out in his office. He didn't know why he was anxious about reading it here and if it mattered that Snape was in the room, but he was. Maybe because he was just worried now that their relationship had grown so much more, just how Snape would take something like Ginny writing to him—the girl who drugged him.
Pulling the letter out, he unfolded it and read down it. He was surprised with how sincere she was, and that she was apologising and hoping that he was having a good Christmas. She'd seen the photo, too, which probably explained why she was being apologetic in the letter. Down the bottom, she sent him her best wishes and a few kisses on the paper. Thankfully they were only written and nothing magical. It made him feel awkward, though. Did Ginny still actually have feelings for him? He had no idea.
Hearing movement, he jumped, turning his head as Snape was in the threshold. Bloody hell he was quiet.
"Potter, I need to go out for a while, I assume you'll do just fine by yourself?" asked the Slytherin, dressed in his usual robes. He gave a curious look as Harry seemed nervous.
"Uh-yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks," Harry said, nodding quickly.
"Is something wrong?" Harry wasn't very hard to read. Most Gryffindor's weren't. They all wore their hearts on their sleeves. He noticed the letter in Harry's hand.
"No… Nothing," Harry tried to reassure. "Where are you going? It's Christmas Eve, it's going to be packed…"
"I need a rare type of insect for a potion," said Severus. "I will have to go into town for it, unfortunately, but I do need it urgently." He walked into the room. "Spit it out, Potter, you're hopeless at lying." Most Gryffindors were.
Feeling his cheeks burn, Harry looked back at the letter and picked it up. "It's just a letter from Ginny," he said, as if it were nothing. Then why was he so nervous?
"And…?" Severus muttered, folding his arms. It wasn't hard to tell that he wasn't fond of the girl. After what she had been doing to Potter for who knew how long? Of course he didn't like her! He didn't even know how he could still be friends with that girl!
Harry looked down once more. "Well… I just thought it was odd to be honest. I mean… I thought she'd stop sending me things. She sent me Christmas letters before, but she used to like me back then."
"You do know what she did to you was unspeakable," said Snape. With how much he had loved Lily, not even he, a master of potions, would ever think of betraying the one he loved like that. That wasn't love. It was obsession and greediness. No regard for the other person. In fact, he probably hated it so much because it reminded him of his younger self. He had no problem with letting Lily's son and husband die, as long as she lived. Really… that had no consideration for her feelings at all…
"I know that," Harry said, looking up. Was Snape actually… jealous? "It's nothing," he said, shaking his head.
"If you say so." Snape's voice was as blunt as ever. He turned on his heal, ready to leave before he heard Harry say his name. He stopped, turning over his shoulder.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."
"Why would you think I'd be uncomfortable? You're friends with the little Weasley girl, are you not? You can befriend whoever you wish, Potter. It hardly affects me."
Harry's eyes narrowed a little as he looked at Severus. He was being hostile, he could tell by the sharp way he spoke. Of course, Snape always spoke that way, but he could tell when he was being over dramatic.
"You know I don't like her, Severus. I never really did…"
"I'm sorry, did I say you did?" said Severus, turning around to face Harry. Okay, he may have been being a bit snappy with the Gryffindor, he knew. Part of him wanted Harry to know he was not fond of Ginerva Weasley, but part of him wished Harry was not friends with her. He was too forgiving sometimes.
Harry felt anger swell into his stomach. "You don't have to be jealous of her. I don't like her."
Severus' brow furrowed. "I am not jealous of a Weasley," he hissed.
"Don't talk like they're nothing," Harry defended. "You know exactly what they all did for everyone during the war. They're as much of a hero as I am! So don't talk them down."
Snape scoffed. "And you think I don't know what they did just because I was lying in a hospital bed, no thanks to you?"
"Don't say that!" Harry yelled. Severus just looked at him. "Don't say that like it's the worst thing that ever happened to you! That you'd honestly rather be dead than having me save your life! Do you have any idea how bad that makes me feel!?"
Harry's voice was harsh and hurt, and Snape soon realised the feeling of guilt swimming in his gut. No, he didn't regret Harry saving him, not now anyway. When it had happened and he was inches from being with Lily, yes, he'd hated it more than anything. But that was before all of this. Before he knew Harry. Before he opened his heart again.
He released a gentle sigh and walked back into the room. "I apologise, I didn't mean for you to take that the wrong way-,"
"What other way would I have taken it?" Harry butted in. "It's not really nice knowing that the person you love pretty much hates his existence and it's my fault for saving him. Not even saving him, I cursed you for surviving."
"That's a lie," Snape said harshly. "I may have detested that you saved my life when it happened, but what else was I to do? I was weak and bedridden and thought I would spend the rest of my life in Azkaban. I would have rather died than go there. Azkaban is no life!"
"Yeah, well thanks to me, you didn't go there, and you were freed from all charges and named a hero."
"I never asked for that…" Snape muttered.
"You didn't have to!" yelled Harry. He was shaking now, angry and upset. He could feel his heart thumping in his ears. Why did he always have to snip back? Bloody Slytherin! Always had to have the last damn say in everything!
"You are honestly going to get this snappy because I got a letter from someone who used to poison me!?" he asked angrily. "You think I'd like her when my feelings for her weren't even genuine to begin with!?"
Fine, he was being possessive! He knew it would happen sooner or later. He couldn't help it! It was in his blood. His stupid father had made him this way. Hurtful, bitter and possessive.
"I never said you had feelings for her, Potter, I just don't understand why you'd ever wish to communicate with her again after knowing what she had done to you. If it weren't for me, you would have never found out and you'd probably be helplessly following her around like a pathetic little fawn," he said coolly.
Okay, so that was true. He had no idea that Ginny had been putting love potions into his meals, but even so! "The only reason you probably did that was because you enjoyed seeing me hurt!"
"That is not true! I damn well had feelings for you back then, you twit!" Snape hissed. When Harry stopped, staring at him dumbfounded, he looked away, feeling his own chest thumping. Harry really did have a way of riling him up and making him lose control of his usually cool and collected self.
Harry just stared, not knowing what to say. How long had Severus had these feelings? He thought he hated him all along. He supposed there really had been a turning point when he has saved Severus from Nagini…
"Sev-,"
"I have to go before the villages close," Severus muttered as he turned around. He was pulled back, though, Harry's hand grabbing his arm and spinning him. Then there were hot, shaken lips against his own.
He was still angry—so was Harry. The both of them were flustered and frustrated. But the kiss seemed to divert everything and he felt his hands grab Harry's shoulders, possessively taking the younger man into his tight hold as they shared a brutal kiss.
Harry gasped as he felt immediate excitement against his thigh and lower belly (from Severus). He felt his knees buckle at the edge of the bed when he struck it, and he was soon on his back, black robes covering him.
He didn't have time to take his shirt off, he just felt his pants being viciously stripped from his ankles and then a hot sensation against his crotch. It was hard. It was fast. It was painful and pleasurable at the same time, but most of all it was bloody fantastic!
*****
Laying on the bed, Harry stared across the room, his shirt still on but his pants long gone. He could hear Severus' soft intakes. His robes were long gone also, but he did have his trousers pulled back up since he'd finished their brutal round in the bed.
Harry's backside was tender and a little bit raw from the downright fucking Severus had given him. But he didn't regret it one bit. His skin was sticky with drying sweat, and he could feel his hair was damp. He'd need a shower.
He now understood what Severus had been keeping back all this time. This deep passion and possession inside of him, wanting to take him. He couldn't help but smile to himself, adjusting his glasses. The other wizard was positively wild when he lost control.
Severus just looked down, feeling ashamed of himself. He shouldn't have lost himself so easily like that. But he had, and he couldn't very well take that back. He had been angry. He had been jealous and hurt. He wanted to put Harry back in his place, just as his own father had with his mother and him as a child. Just as he'd wanted to take Lily all those years back and shove her away for himself.
He hated himself. He felt disgusted for doing this. Harry was a person, a person he deeply cared for and never wanted to hurt, but he had by taking him in such a hostile manner. This was why he had tried not to get involved with Harry, because he knew it would happen. It always did. He always ended up pushing people away because he knew in the end he'd just hurt them and they'd leave.
Running his fingers through his hair, he couldn't even look at Potter, he just stood up from the bed and grabbed his shirt that had been tossed across the room. He needed to take a shower.
As Severus got up, Harry's mind was ripped from its daze. "Severus?" he asked quietly, pushing himself up. He grabbed his underpants and put them back on, even if they were dirty. He followed Snape into the bathroom.
Feeling a gentle hand on his shoulder, Snape stopped and leant his hands against the counter. "Harry, I could have hurt you," he muttered angrily at himself. He should have just left and calmed himself down. Why did Harry have this effect on him? He didn't want to hurt him, but he couldn't stop himself. Part of him wanted Harry to know where he belonged, but the other part made him never wish to touch him in case he was pushed over the edge again. He didn't enjoy his partner suffering at all. Knowing they were hurting hurt him, too. Then why couldn't he stop himself from being so possessive?
"What are you talking about?" asked the Gryffindor, having no idea why Severus was acting like this. They'd just had an intense round in the bed, and he felt bad about it? Why…? He didn't even hurt him. He was a bit tender, but did he not notice the ecstasy in his cries?
Severus leant his head down, his hair draping around his face before he pushed himself back up. "I don't like losing control because I become a horrible person. I could have hurt you and I didn't care. You are not an object I can do whatever I please with," he stated heatedly.
"I've been afraid to let go because of this. I let you take control and I gave into you because I knew I wouldn't hurt you that way, or treat you like I have so many others. Like your mother…" he breathed, expelling a sigh.
Harry didn't know what to say. Severus wasn't exactly making perfect sense to him. He seemed very emotional over the whole thing. In fact, this was probably the most emotional he'd ever seen Severus except when he found out about Lily being murdered in his memories.
"I don't understand," he murmured. "Y-you didn't hurt me, I swear it." And he was never with Lily—not that he'd say that. That was a blow to Snape's heart and he knew that, even if Snape wasn't in love with Lily any more, or at least had somewhat let her go.
"Don't you see, Potter?" said the Slytherin, thumping his shirt down onto the counter. "I told you I was not a nice person. I told you I could lose control and be vile and hurtful. I'm possessive and that bloody stupid letter made me…" he breathed gently, trying to calm himself. "I need a shower."
Harry reached his hand out and took Snape's arm, stopping him from going any further. "Wait," he said urgently, pulling himself into Severus' bare chest, "You didn't hurt me, like I said… I… Look, I might not look like it, but I love that side of you. You showed me how much you need and care for me." Yes, he was a free spirit and needed his independence, but knowing that Severus cared so much to get possessive and jealous over him? Actually, he found it kind of cute. Of course, if it happened constantly that would be different, but it hadn't. This was the first time anything had really showed about the situation.
Severus tried to remove himself from the arms of the younger wizard, but Harry was clinging on tight. The last thing he needed was to actually hurt Harry if he claimed he hadn't already.
"Potter, being possessive is not a welcoming trait. Nor does it really show caring. It's selfishness. I cared little for your needs, I simply fulfilled my own because the thought of-," he stopped, Harry looking at him, "The thought of losing you is not acceptable." Just like how he had been with Lily, and look at where it had gotten them. He wanted to do everything for her, and in one second it was all over because he couldn't hold his tongue. What if that happened with Harry? He couldn't just change! It was who he was.
But he hadn't even been that bad! It was a bit painful, but that would go away by tomorrow. Harry let his hand lean against Severus' chest. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered reassuringly, feeling the patch of course hair beneath his fingertips. He looked up, brushing Snape's hair from his face and tucking it lovingly behind his ear.
He knew Snape wasn't used to this, and he knew his feelings for Lily had been strong. Something in him made his heart flutter at the thought of Snape's feelings being so intense that he felt possessive and jealous over a bloody letter from an ex-girlfriend who he hadn't even really had feelings for in the first place. If these feelings rivalled the ones he had for his mother, then that meant even more to him.
"I won't keep the letter if it bothers you," he stated.
"Harry, you're allowed to do whatever you wish, no matter my feelings on the situation," Severus almost huffed. He didn't wish to hurt Harry, he was not a sadistic person to the people he cared for, but he did have a horrible nature in being possessive, especially after what happened with Lily.
He wasn't as possessive as he was probably making it seem, but he had loved Lily, and he had been heart-broken when she'd left him. He tried and tried to beg for forgiveness off her, but he'd damaged their relationship too much. And then he was so selfish that he didn't give two shits about Harry and James so long as Lily was to survive. Lily had not been an object, and even more so, she had not been his in the first place. He couldn't do that to Harry. He'd push him away just as he had with Lily.
"Don't you realise that jealousy is part of a relationship?" asked the Gryffindor, leaning out of Snape's chest—which seemed to bode well with the professor right now. "Look at how I was with Professor Desiree!" Thank God she was gone.
"Potter, you're a teenager-,"
"So? Does that make me an idiot? Does that make my behaviour invalid?" Harry asked. "I've seen and done things people couldn't even imagine and I'm just a teenager. I'm eighteen and old enough to understand what jealousy is."
Severus folded his arms. He hated that word. He hated feeling it. He hated knowing it existed! His whole bloody life he'd been nothing but a jealous git over stupid things that he could have fixed in his younger years. It made him ugly. And it wasn't a side he wished for Harry to see.
His shoulders loosened a little. Potter was right, though, even if he hated admitting it. He just didn't want to push Harry away with something as ugly and selfish as jealousy.
"I've seen enough of you to know why you're worried," said Harry, bringing Snape's eyes back to him. "I'm not stupid… I know I'm just a Gryffindor, but I'm not stupid. I know what you're thinking. I've seen enough to know that you're worried I'll do the same thing as my mum did. You make one mistake out of being angry and it'll make me go away. But that's not true," he said seriously. "I'm not going anywhere… I don't need Occlumency lessons to know that."
"You're a Seer now, too, Potter?" muttered Snape. And he was damn well lucky he didn't need lessons anymore, because he was horrid at them to begin with.
Harry smirked a little. "No… I've just learnt from other people's mistakes. So stop being such a big baby and come back to bed. It's Christmas Eve, we should be watching fireworks or something."
Snape's brow furrowed at the insult, but when he felt Harry's arms slip around him, he found himself unable to comment anything snide like he usually would. Letting it go? How un-Severus of him.
"Are you certain I have not harmed you in any way?" he asked concernedly. He didn't wish to do that again, but he wasn't going to have this discussion right now. Not so close to Christmas anyway, and he knew very well how excited Harry was about it all.
"You wanna check?" Harry asked sarcastically as he poked his backside out that was covered in his vibrant underpants and turned around.
Snape gave a roll of his eyes. However, while Harry was there with his back turned, he slipped a finger through the rim and pulled it out to snap against Harry's skin.
"Hey!" the younger wizard called out, jumping up and turning back around. Severus' expression was very satisfying considering how it had been mere moments ago.
"A Slytherin always takes an open opportunity, especially when the one giving them is so inviting," he slithered, his hands going behind his back.
Harry just scoffed. "In that case, I'm going to join you in the shower," he said with a toothy grin. "And then you're going to relax."
"Potter, I still have to go to the village before it closes," Severus made clear. It didn't seem to deter Harry as he walked back in with some new clothes and started the shower up. Well, either way, at least he was over what had happened previously in the bed.
He didn't dwell on it, and joined Harry in the shower.
*****
When Severus had left, clean and dressed in his robes, Harry had returned to the desk where he'd been reading his letters. He wrote back to both Ron and Hermione, and he also wrote a Christmas card to his other friends who were out, and one to Hagrid—who would easily get it tonight when he let Spells out. She'd rest for Christmas Day, but after that he would send the other letters.
It was getting late now, and Severus still wasn't back. He supposed it would be a while until he returned anyway considering how packed the shops would be. He wondered why it would have been so urgent to go and get some kind of ingredient, though. Why now? It was Christmas Eve. He knew Snape worked, making different potions, experimenting with them, et cetera, but surely it had to be something more important that just that… Maybe he was just looking too much into it. Snape was still a mystery sometimes.
He frowned, looking down at the letter Ginny had written him. He didn't know whether he should write back or not. Would Snape be angry if he found out? Of course he would be. Harry knew very well how intense Severus' jealousy could be now. But he also gave him the okay for whatever he wanted to do. He wasn't going to do anything behind Snape's back, and he wasn't going to let a friendship fester because of what Ginny did. So he wrote back politely and in a friendly manner, wishing her and her family all a happy holidays. He'd tell Severus later, when he returned.
When he was done, he let Spells out for the night and strapped Hagrid's letter to her leg. There would be a transfer when it came to the other countries when he sent her out for those, so she wouldn't be gone for too long over the holidays, thankfully. And with nothing else to do, he got ready for bed.
He wanted to wait up for Severus, but he had no idea how long he would be. They didn't have any means of communication like mobile phones here at Hogwarts, so he just had to wait, hoping that nothing bad happened.
He shouldn't have let him go by himself… Who knew how many journalists were chasing him, trying to get a story out of him or photos of him. Harry felt a very potent surge of anger hit his gut. No, Snape would be fine. He was a powerful wizard and more than capable of taking care of himself. He would be fine. And soon enough, his eyes fell heavy with sleep as he could smell the scent of potions on the pillow he gripped.
*****
Opening the door quietly to his office, Severus saw that the candles were low. He'd taken much longer than he expected, but it was crowded and hard to find rare ingredients. Not to mention people wanting information out of him. Merlin, who knew what would be in the papers about him and Harry on Boxing Day. Probably some disgustingly romantic bullshit that wasn't even true.
Quietly sweeping through the office, he saw that Harry was asleep on the bed, glasses askew. Clearly he had attempted to stay up all night. He couldn't help but smirk at the sight. The candles were dim, and there was a spell on the small Christmas tree that sat in the corner, glowing lights flicking on and off. It seemed Harry had enchanted it.
Taking the jar from his pocket, he placed it onto the counter before removing his robes and draping them over the stand that was inside his quarters. He moved over to the bed, gently removing Harry's glasses from his face. He didn't need them getting bent or broken—again. His glasses always seemed to be getting broken. If only there was something he could do about Potter's vision. Unfortunately, there was no spell or potion that could aid to bad vision. Harry would be stuck with that just like any Muggle.
As he removed the glasses, Harry instantly awoke, as if from a bad dream. He didn't take Harry for a light sleeper, but considering his past, he figured he could be touchy sometimes.
"Potter, it's only me," he said softly, Harry's arm having grabbed him. He was messy and tired looking, which was rather adorable, really. Did he honestly just think that?
"Sev…?" Harry asked croakily, vision blurred now that his glasses were off (and his eyes were tired). "How long have you been out for? What's the time?" Blimey, was it Christmas yet?
Snape sat on the edge of the bed, giving a small smirk. "It's only nine," he stated, putting the pocket watch onto the bedside table. "And you're on my side of the bed."
Harry looked around. "Oh, yeah… I must have fallen asleep. Sorry."
"Nothing to apologise for. I would have figured you'd stay up until Father Christmas came along," he said sarcastically.
Harry puckered his lips and blew out. "Yeah, how old am I again?" he laughed, not that he ever got anything when he was at the Durleys. He was used to getting nothing for holidays.
He was a little embarrassed as he remembered he'd fallen asleep clutching onto Snape's pillow. The soft scent of the Potions master had made him comfortable enough to fall asleep without even knowing it.
"Did you get what you needed?"
"Yes," Severus stated, standing back up. He removed his coat and hung it up, rolling his sleeves up as it was warm in here from the fire.
Harry leant up. "Are you coming to bed?" he asked hopefully. He didn't like going to sleep without Severus anymore. He was surprised he even fell asleep. He was so used to Snape being with him that he thought it would have been harder for him.
Severus couldn't help but mentally smirk to himself. "I've been out all day, am I allowed to get changed, Mister Potter?" he asked mockingly.
Feeling a little sheepish, Harry leant back down. "Sorry, of course you can," he said with a light smile. "I'll be here."
Checking the room, Severus realised that Spells was out—Fawkes on his perch nestled in his feathers. Harry must have let her out, but the letters were still sitting on the desk. He was curious, but tried his best not to think about the possibility of the Weasley girl.
He grabbed his pyjamas and headed into the bathroom. By the time he got changed and back out, Harry had fallen back asleep, at least this time beneath the covers and on his own side. He put the Gryffindor's glasses onto the correct bedside table before he carefully slipped into the bed and blew out the candle on his side.