Naruto: Lessons
Naruto really liked Hibana-nee-chan, though he also liked the other girls who lived at the Mitsusha okiya. Just not as much: Hibana-nee was special! The other girls were still nice though; they showed him how to eat politely and how to read and made him new clothes when they found out the shops wouldn't sell him any. When Hokage-jiji gave him an apartment and entered him in the ninja academy they gave him plants as a house-warming present, and showed him how to take care of them. Later on, when he realised that his academy sensei hated him just like almost everyone else did, Hibana-nee hugged him and let him cry in her lap. Once he was feeling better she even offered a solution: He would still go to the academy, but he would treat it like a real ninja mission! He would pretend to do badly and learn everything at home from books. Hibana-nee promised to help him with his reading, as well as other stuff he needed to learn. All the minarai and some of the maiko and geisha agreed to help, saying that ninja needed to be able to infiltrate anywhere, so they needed to know all about other professions and how to fit in. Naruto agreed because he secretly enjoyed Himitu-okaa-san's lessons, even though she was really strict. Himitsu-okaa-san owned the okiya and taught all the minarai. Hibana-nee told him she was really famous! She even knew the daimyo!
The day after Naruto promised to learn everything the Mitsusha okiya could teach, he bought himself an orange jumpsuit -one he had previously determined 'too bright' for a proper ninja, no matter how awesome orange was- to wear to the academy. He also bought glue, which he coated the chalk with before class. He nearly laughed himself sick at his sensei's expression when the chalk failed to write. It was the first prank in a long and distinguished career.
By the time Naruto was eight he had all but given up on ever learning anything worthwhile at the academy, instead using his time there -when he actually attended- to consolidate his 'official' persona. Hibana-nee had explained to him that a persona was like a mask, except it covered all of you, inside and outside. She had even taken him to see a kabuki play as an example of personas and acting. Naruto made his academy persona louder, less observant and more cheerful than his real self. He also made sure to shed his persona at home and in the okiya; he was safe there and didn't need it.
In those two years Naruto's education outside the academy was far more thorough than the one he received inside, and likely outstripped that of his fellow students since, lacking playmates, he spent most of his time learning. He was formally registered as a minarai in the Mitsusha's records, although his gender had been deliberately omitted. His education was now divided between three different geisha onee-san, but he wasn't allowed to practice outside the okiya yet. His calligraphy had improved dramatically and he could sing, dance and play the shamisen to a standard that Himitsu-okaa-san pronounced 'adequate', which made him want to bounce and shout with joy because Himitsu-okaa-san was really, really stingy with complements. Hibana-nee-chan was a maiko and was gaining a respectable following, and the other onee-san whispered that Himitsu-okaa-san was considering her for atotori, to run the Mitsusha after the okaa-san retired.
Naruto had also learned more about flowers, colours, clothing and personal grooming than most fully grown kunoichi realised existed and had become very good at styling hair. In addition to these practical skills he had learned formal manners and ettiquette -mostly female, although Takemaru, the okiya's lone male geisha, had instilled in him the basics of male propriety and taught him all the differences in speech men and women used. While in the okiya, Naruto wore a wig, used female speech and responded to 'Naru-chan'.
History and literature had also figured prominently, as witty and informed conversation was an essential skill for any aspiring geisha. Games, customs and cultures of other nations was necessary as well; Himitsu-okaa-san herself had come to konoha from Mizu no kuni and explained that since geisha were civilians, they could cross boarders fairly freely. Some travelled exclusively between the various daimyos' courts. Naruto sometimes wished that attending the academy wasn't compulsory for aspiring ninja; he was learning much more relevant information when he wasn't in class...
He was not quite nine years old when almost the entire upper echelon of the military police force vanished overnight, leaving chaos in its wake. Hibana-nee-chan told him that afternoon that the Uchiha clan had been wiped out except for the clan heir, Sasuke, who had just started at the academy. In deference to the dead, Naruto only pulled minor pranks in the two months it took the village to reorganise the police force. He missed some of them a great deal -a couple of the less stuffy Uchiha chunnin had even given him some neat ideas for pranks- and managed to find out where they'd been buried so he could leave flowers. He'd overheard them talking once or twice about a guy called Obito who would have laughed at his pranks, or even joined in. They seemed to miss him; Naruto had received the impression he was a cousin or something.
When leaving flowers Naruto promised to do extra-special pranks for them and the friend they were -hopefully- reunited with. Now they were dead they could watch his pranks without getting told off for laughing!
A/N: Naruto's education continues. Note that spoken japanese really does vary according to the gender of the speaker, and an okiya is the premesis where geisha live and work from.