Chapter Forty-One: Me or Her.
Harry ran from the dungeons, tears welling behind his glasses. Not knowing anywhere else where he could have privacy, he ran back to the Gryffindor common-room, knowing Snape couldn't get in without knowing the password.
When he ran up the stairs, he threw himself onto his nicely made four-post-bed in the empty room. He couldn't believe this! He was angry, but most of all he was upset at the fact that he would never top Lily! Lily would always be Snape's first and only love. What was he? Really? Was Severus just with him because they had to be due to their bonded magic? Because if they weren't, then they would get horribly frustrated, stressed and potentially become psychotic?
Shoving his face into his pillow, he didn't want to believe any of it. He didn't want to believe the foul things that had come from Snape's mouth about Muggles. He knew he was just directing it to his aunt and uncle, but something deep down was worried that he thought that about every Muggle. He knew he'd had bad views when he was young. He was a Death Eater! Why did he honestly expect any different…?
But Snape had changed! When Lily… Harry felt and angry pang of jealousy smack him in the centre of his body. When his mother had died, something in Severus had changed. He'd seen the error of his ways and tried to redeem himself. He knew that! Then why did it feel like his world was shattering?
He felt terrible. Terrible for leaving, but he knew he had to get out of there. He couldn't stand looking at Snape right now. Not when those things were lingering in his mind. He didn't even get the chance to talk to Dudley. He'd have to write him a letter and apologise for Snape's behaviour. He doubted his aunt and uncle would ever let him see him again unless he snuck out. Who knew, maybe Dudley didn't even want to talk to him again. And school started in a few days!
Running his hands over his cheeks, he removed the tear streaks that had idly made their way down his face. He sniffed. He couldn't stay here all day, he knew that, but at the same time, he didn't want to go back to the dungeons. Part of him wanted Severus to come after him, but he didn't even know what the older wizard's intentions were. Instead, he just buried his face into his pillow and closed his eyes, wishing it would all just disappear.
*****
Severus moodily threw his robes from him, his body agitated. He was so used to being in control or under orders, that now when something was out of order, he didn't know how to deal with it. He would have run right after Lily when she'd run away. And he did time after time. And now? He just didn't know.
Of course he wanted to chase Harry! Of course he wanted the Gryffindor to know that he didn't mean it like that, that Harry was important to him, that he was… damn near everything to him now. Then why couldn't he just chase after him?
Because he was stubborn. Because part of him still was trying to run from his feelings. Because he didn't want to admit that he was vulnerable to Harry's actions and words. He was vulnerable to his own weaknesses. To his feelings. To love…
Pacing the room, he gave an aggravated noise. He wished he had have punched Vernon in the face. He wanted nothing more than to see him on the floor in blood and tears. He stopped, swallowing hard as he realised something.
It wasn't that he hated what they had said. Part of it was true. Lily had never loved him. They were different and seen as freaks. But it wasn't that, it was the fact that Vernon reminded him so much of his own father that he just wanted to hurt him. To show him who was powerful. More powerful. That bastard of a man and woman had neglected Harry, just as his own parents had neglected him. They allowed no magic, even his mother had to be hush when she used it. And half the time she received a beating when she was caught.
This wasn't Harry's fault, and the poor Gryffindor had been stuck in between them all. Because of him and his temper, Harry didn't even get to talk to his cousin. His fists clenched. Damnit, he really wished he could have taught Vernon a lesson. Even Petunia. He'd have no problem with dropping a deadly potion into some of her food.
But where to even start looking? Harry could have gone anywhere. He could have gone to the Forest, he could have gone to Hagrid's. The grounds were huge! He could have even returned to Gryffindor Tower.
Slapping his hands down, he winced as his bone hit against the solid form in his pocket. He looked down and slipped the Snitch into his palm. He'd put it in his pocket for… Well, he didn't really know why. It wasn't like he believed in luck (unless it was Felix Felicis). He just felt like having a piece of Harry with him was something he needed.
"Possessive bastard," he whispered to himself as he lifted the Snitch. He hadn't changed a single bit. Inside he was still possessive of what he wanted. He may have turned around from being a Death Eater, but there were things in him that would never change. Harry had seen that mere minutes ago.
If he wanted Harry to know he cared for him, and that he loved him, then he had to show it. He had to apologise, like he'd tried with Lily years ago.
Swiftly moving to Harry's trunk, he dug through it to find the map he'd figured out years back. It was the quickest way of finding Harry, and he didn't want to spend time that was wasted looking elsewhere. He tapped it with his wand and said with an eye roll, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He couldn't believe he was using this instrument.
Instantly, his eyes went to Gryffindor Tower that inked its way onto the parchment. There sat Harry's name. Damn, he wouldn't be able to get in as the password had most likely been changed. He wasn't going to Minerva about this either.
No, he had a better idea. Shoving the map into his back pocket, he leant down and grabbed a new piece of parchment and his quill, dipping it into the ink. He bound it around the Snitch and cupped it in his hand before heading out of the dungeons, slipping his robes back on.
*****
Still lying on the bed, Harry was now facing the ceiling. He was no longer teary; he was just annoyed and frustrated now. He was also bored, and yet his mind wouldn't shut up all at the same time.
So many things were on his mind and what the hell was going to happen between him and Severus. No matter what, they were stuck in this relationship. Their magic had bonded. Even if they hated each other, they would still have to keep in contact every few days or so. Come to think of it… could they even separate? And for how long? He'd never looked at the book Snape had borrowed from the library. He just let Severus explain it, and even then it hadn't been much. They knew nothing about this bond.
He was angry at the fact that it was so quiet in here. That Snape wasn't here. How long had it been since he'd run from the dungeons? And Snape didn't even think about tailing after him! He was desperate for Lily to come back, but of course, when it was him it was like he was nothing but a fucking rock!
He was about to punch his pillow when he heard movement from downstairs. Oh great, someone from Gryffindor was coming back inside. He felt himself tense, wiping his face down as much as possible so it looked like he hadn't been crying previously.
When he thought he'd hear something else, it was completely silent. But there was a faint noise, something like… wings. He leant up as he saw a blip of gold. A Snitch? What was it doing here? He lifted his hand and caught it. Something was on it.
Unwrapping what was around the Snitch, he realised what Snitch it was. It was his, the one he'd given to Severus. He looked at what was written on the piece of torn parchment. Something in him honestly felt guilty, but utterly swooned at the same time.
It was not hard to tell who wrote it. One, he'd given the Snitch to Snape, and two, his handwriting was obvious to him now. On the paper it said that he was downstairs waiting for when he wanted to come and talk.
As the Snitch folded its wings from being caught, he put it into his pocket and stood up from the bed. He wanted to go downstairs, but at the same time, he didn't know what he was going to do at the sight of the Slytherin. He didn't want to get angry again. But he had all the right to be at the same time. Maybe waiting a few minutes to gather his thoughts wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Downstairs and just outside the door, Snape leant himself against the wall. This setting was all too familiar to him. He'd stayed out here for hours until Lily would come out so he could apologise to her for what he did. He was just a needy kid back then, though. Harry needed to understand that he wasn't the boy he was in those memories any longer. He was a grown man! His feelings were no way near as weak as they once were. He wasn't that vulnerable. He was stubborn. He was cruel and bitter.
And yet… he was here, wasn't he? Of course, because he didn't know the password, The Fat Lady's portrait wouldn't allow him through the door. She had bitter feelings towards him still after Dumbledore. However, he was a professor here, and she allowed him to send the Snitch through after he threatened her. He could always bother her more, but the thought of showing how long he could wait for Harry was something he thought the Gryffindor might appreciate.
With his arms folded, he looked down at the floor. He was still angry over the whole situation himself. Vernon and Petunia didn't deserve any of Harry's sympathy, and witches and wizards were better than them. They were horrible people that couldn't give two dunces about anyone else but themselves and their images to the Muggle world. Perfectly normal people his arse. They are snooty wannabe's. And how Harry could come to forgive Dudley after what he'd put him through all those years? All that torment? Even today the fat little porker couldn't stand up for himself or Harry. Instead, he just let his parents take him away. Weak bastard.
The door opened, and he turned his head, seeing Harry peek around the corner. He was silent, allowing the Gryffindor to take his own pace. After all, he was in Gryffindor territory here.
"How long have you been here?" asked Harry, wondering if he'd just arrived when the Snitch had, or if he'd actually heard that he had been crying. He doubted that, he was all the way upstairs, but he never knew when it came to Severus.
"A few minutes," admitted Snape.
Harry tried averting his eyes. At the sight of Snape, he felt utterly annoyed and confused considering what had happened mere minutes ago. But at the same time, he was glad he was here. He came for him. But that didn't have to mean anything, did it? Snape could have just come to make himself feel better. After all, their magic was bonded.
"What do you want?" he asked, folding his arms. He tried to be strong, but he knew he didn't sound it. He'd been crying only minutes ago, so he was well aware his face probably looked swollen and pink.
Apologising made something tighten in Snape's gut. He shouldn't have to! He did nothing wrong. Harry's aunt and uncle had been nothing but rude about them, they deserved everything they had gotten. At the same time, he was well aware that's not what this was about.
Seeing Harry step out into the light, he realised his eyes were puffy. "Have you been crying?" he asked almost worriedly. He leant from the wall and approached the younger wizard, his hand lifting, but Harry backed away, trying to hide his tears by running a hand across his face.
"No, it's nothing like that." Harry's voice was hostile, and he lowered his hand when Severus lowered his. "Are you going to apologise or not?"
"If you think I'm going to apologise for your aunt and uncle's disgusting behaviour, we will be here all night," Severus stated bluntly.
Harry tensed. "You didn't have to give into them, you know? That's exactly what they wanted—a reaction."
He wasn't a kid! He bloody well knew that. Merlin, hearing this from a wizard who was half his age and a Gryffindor? How insulting.
"Besides, that's not what I care about," continued the other before Snape could cut in. "I can write to Dudley and apologise, and I expect you to have an input as well. If you do have feelings for me-,"
"You're questioning my feelings now?" Severus' voice was not as calm as he'd wished it to be. His entire body tensed in anger. What the hell was this!? What was coming here and chasing after him!? Was that not enough to bloody well show the Gryffindor that he fucking liked him!?
"Harry, I am not a child anymore, and you must understand that-,"
"So I'm just a kid?"
"That is now what I am saying!" hissed the Slytherin. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Damnit, he hated how Harry had this effect on him. He could lie and deceive anyone, could do bad things behind their backs and in front of them, but keeping his emotions under control around Harry had damn near seemed impossible since their magic had connected.
"If you expect me to tail you around like some lost puppy, I'm afraid you're mistaken. What I did for Lily, you must understand that I was younger than you are right now. I was emotionally vulnerable and weak, and I was losing a friend who I had come to care deeply about. But I'm a grown wizard now. If you expect me to act the same as I had back then… you are wrong."
Harry didn't know how to take this. It only made him more angry. He knew Severus had grown up! He knew he was cold sometimes and bitter! But somehow, hearing that he wouldn't tail after him like he would have with Lily… It hurt. A lot. A lot more than he would have thought, even if he understood the logic.
"No… of course you wouldn't… because we all know that she's the only one you will ever love!" He slammed the door closed before he could even get a response from Snape. He didn't want to see him! He didn't want to hear him! He didn't even want to think about him.
Tears started to fall back down his cheeks as if his heart had been broken. He knew it may have been silly to expect something so much of Severus, but damnit! Did the man love him or not!? Was he always going to be second best to his mother!? He almost wanted to curse her! But it wasn't her fault. None of this was—although sometimes he wished Snape had never had feelings for her in the first place. Then again, if he didn't, he may not be alive. It was Peter who had betrayed his friends. Severus tried to hide them, even if he did bad before that.
He threw himself onto the lounge in the empty common-room, punching one of the pillows that was close to him.
Well, that hadn't gone as well as he was hoping. Not that his expectations had been very high. Harry was a very emotional young man, he'd come to learn that. And he was easily made angry.
"I don't suppose you meant for that to go so badly…"
Snape looked up, surprised at the gentle voice. Dumbledore had left his portrait and come to the Gryffindor one. The Fat Lady, who was usually standing there, was gone. He just looked away. He was embarrassed and angry at the same time.
"Severus, everyone has arguments in relationships."
"Tell that to Potter, not me," muttered the Potions master. "I don't need a lecture on how to apologise to someone, Albus, I need a bloody kick up the arse for being so stupid."
A light chuckle came from Dumbledore who wore a pleasant smile.
"Why are you here? Don't you have other people to annoy and get in their business?" Severus really didn't need a lecture on how relationships worked. He already knew he fucked up. So unless Dumbledore had some good advice, he could piss off. He wasn't in the mood.
"Ahh… the hardships of love."
Severus almost felt his cheeks burn at the mention of the word love. He looked down, leaning against the stone wall.
"Do you love him?"
"Does it matter?" Snape's voice was dripping hostility.
"Of course it matters!" Dumbledore laughed. "Severus, you know what Gryffindors need to hear. You've been in love before. He needs to know before it's too late. They need to be shown, to be told."
Snape felt his hands tighten. "And how do you suppose I do that? He's being a child and locking himself away from me."
"You mean what you are doing to him?"
"You cannot be serious."
"Severus, you are keeping things from him. You are hiding your feelings, and in doing so, pushing Harry away. He needs to know that he is the most important person in your life. Don't you feel the same?"
Looking away, Snape turned from the portrait, looking out the window. He remembered the letter to Ginny and just how jealous and angry he'd felt over the whole thing. The thought of that girl still meaning something to him? It made him want to hurt someone. Someone that most likely didn't deserve it.
Lowering his head, he expelled a heavy sigh. He had never been good at this. He had never been good at expressing and letting his feelings out. Not even with Lily! He didn't even tell her! And by the time he'd actually gotten the courage, things were already broken. He'd lost his chance… What if he lost another one? He couldn't let that happened, but he was afraid of being hurt again!
One day, Lily was there, and they were best friends. One simple mistake and everything had changed! What if he gave his heart to Harry—completely—and then Harry walked away? He didn't know if he could suffer that heartache all over again!
"And what if it happens again?" he asked snappily. "What if I do something and… ruin it all over again? I am not the boy I once was, Albus. I'm a grown wizard." He turned around, looking back at the portrait on the door. "I cannot go through that again. Once is enough for any man."
Ah yes, Dumbledore did know what it was like to lose someone he'd loved. Severus had always suspected what had never actually been said out in the open. He was intelligent like that.
"Harry is not Lily, Severus," he said reassuringly. If he were there in person, he would have comforted the man, but alas, he was simply an image in a portrait. He could not do too much physical comfort.
"But he's so much like her…" said Severus, his head lowering. "What if I've just fallen for him because of her? Because he reminds me so much of her? What if what I am doing is wrong? What if, in the end, I hurt him like I hurt her?"
"Do you honestly believe that?" asked Albus, raising a brow over his spectacles. "Severus, a few months ago, you hated Harry. You detested everything about him. Only when you got to know him did your feelings change. When you realised that the boy you hated saved your life, even though you shared the same feelings, you realised that Harry was not who you always told yourself he was. Even before then you had come to care for him in your own way."
Why him? Why did all this shit have to happen to him? "Albus… I've never liked… I don't like men," he hissed in a confused manner, hoping Harry couldn't hear him from inside. He hadn't told Harry that because he knew it would hurt his feelings. He'd never liked men! Or at least he never thought he did! Really, the only one he'd loved before he got involved with Harry was Lily! So why fall for his son if he didn't like men? Why like Harry? Why was he so… intoxicated by him if he didn't usually find men sexually attractive!? He wasn't blind to an attractive face, he just never… thought about anyone else but Lily.
"That just makes Harry more special, doesn't it?" Albus smiled brightly, a twinkle in his blue eyes.
"If this is your idea of assisting me… by laughing at my predicament?"
Another chuckle came from Dumbledore. "Severus, you are taking this too seriously. You are worrying too much. You Slytherins think too much. Be like Harry and act on your desire."
'What, fuck the boy until he's blue?' Severus thought embarrassedly. He ran a hand through his dark hair. "Albus… I'm afraid Lily will always cause friction between us. She was his mother… He has her eyes."
"Yes, but they are his, and not hers," Albus noted. "Severus, I never saw you so out of control even with Lily Evans. Harry means more to you than you think, you are just being a typical Slytherin and thinking too much. Relax and you will know what you feel. These things tend to slap you quite horrifically in the face." He touched his own cheek, as if it had been struck.
How the hell could he relax when everything in his head was a complete mess with what ifs!? He looked back up, but Dumbledore was gone, The Fat Lady back in her spot. He huffed, slumping to the ground to sit and think. It was unsophisticated of him, but Dumbledore was right. He needed to get his thoughts together, and he wasn't leaving this door until Harry came back out. That was a promise.
*****
Harry didn't know how long it had been, but his stomach was starting to growl. He planned to have breakfast with Dudley, but because that didn't go down well, he had gone hungry. Surely it was nearing lunch time and he could head out to the Great Hall. People had to be eating, because no one was still here, and surely there were some Gryffindor's still here over the holidays.
Having calmed down, he was trying not to think of Severus. It seemed impossible, though. Every time he tried to clear his mind, he kept wondering if Snape was still outside. What had happened after he'd slammed the door in his face? If he'd told anyone else about what had happened? God, no wonder he was so terrible at Occlumency lessons. Damn, even that reminded him of Snape!
Huffing, he stood up. This was all just because he had nothing else to think of and he had an empty stomach. The sooner he ate, the sooner he'd feel better and the sooner this shit would be off his mind.
Moving towards the door, he lifted his hand, but he froze. What if Severus was still out there? No, he knew Snape, he wouldn't be. Not for this long. Not when he threw the door in his face. He wasn't Lily, and the sooner he realised that, then the sooner he'd be able to fucking move the hell on.
Opening the door, he stepped outside and looked around. For a moment, he felt an angry spark ignite within his chest, however, he wasn't looking where he didn't expect Severus to be. Instead, the professor was sitting on the floor, knees up and in his robes still. He had his wand out, which only meant he was probably sitting here trying to entertain himself while he waited.
"How long have you been here…?" he asked, Snape getting to his feet. He had to admit, it was strange seeing Severus on the floor in his teaching robes—or on the floor at all, really.
"I never left," said Snape, brushing himself down. "Harry, I think we need to talk."
"I don't want to talk, I'm just going for lunch," the younger wizard informed moodily, moving past.
Before Harry could get away, Snape grabbed him by the front of the collar. "I'm not letting you walk away from this!" he hissed. "I make a simple mistake and you're going to punish me over it? I've never made any kind of illusion to the people we are, Harry, but damnit, don't-do-this." Despite his harsh tone, there was definitely desperation lying beneath it.
Harry's green eyes widened as his hands took Snape's wrists and made them come undone. "I'm not doing anything!" he yelled in defence. "I've been be your side ever since I saved your life, and I thought that we really had something. All this time over Christmas and sharing the holidays together!? I even told you that I loved you!"
His breath hitched as he grew angry. "You haven't even said it! And I know you never will now! And fine! Whatever! I was stupid to think that we would ever be a good match! I knew we were different, and I tried just as hard as you did to not give into my feelings, but when I got to know you, I fell in love with you, and I can't help that! But I'm not going to be strung along just because our magic is bonded!"
"You honestly think I am with you simply because our magic is bonded!?" Snape scoffed, as if offended. "That I am with you for my own personal gain so we don't go insane? Harry, I'd go insane for you any moment if it meant I could be with you! Being in this relationship has already made me lose control of myself, and that's because of you!"
"Me!?" Harry yelled. "What the hell did I ever do to you!?"
"You made me fall in love with you, you dim-witted twit!" Severus snapped, Harry just staring at him. He felt his shoulders relax a little as that had come out, but he also felt embarrassed and awkward. He'd just said that he'd fallen in love with Harry for the first time to himself and to Harry.
"What did you just say?" Harry whispered, his eyes wide as Snape looked away.
"I called you a dim-,"
"Not that!" Harry interrupted, though his voice much softer than it was previously. Having heard that, all of his anger diminished. Severus had just had said he'd fallen in love with him. His heart began to pound, but not from the adrenaline rush of anger.
"I want to hear you say it again." He lifted his hand and gently cupped Snape's cheek, who had been trying to avoid eye contact. "Why is it so hard for you to say it?"
Severus felt tense now, like his whole body had gone rigid. He didn't want to be here, and he didn't want to say it again. All of a sudden, he felt like he was a kid, too embarrassed to say something. Goddamnit, he was an adult! Why was he like this? They'd slept together, they'd spent days together, and for the first time he had had an enjoyable Christmas since he had been friends with Lily—even those had been strained at Hogwarts if James and his friends were hanging around.
The Christmas he had shared with Harry had been the best he'd ever had. Why didn't that speak to him? Why was he trying to close it all out still? Why did he have to be so afraid of letting his heart out again? Harry wasn't Lily! He'd proven that! A number of times…
Looking into those desperate green eyes, Severus swallowed hard, lifting his hand to take Harry's. "Because I'm afraid…" he whispered, eyes lowering in shame. He felt utterly pathetic and angry at himself.
"But I'm not going to hurt you…" They'd been over this. Why could Severus just let it go?
"How do you know that? After everything that has happened in our pasts, why are you so certain that you will share the same feelings as I for an eternity?" His voice had turned harsh once more, and he lowered his hand.
He felt horribly weak and vulnerable. He hated this! He hated coming off as weak. Even more so, he hated coming off as weak in front of Harry. This was pathetic and humiliating! It was bad enough with Dumbledore let alone Harry. Instantly, his defence mechanism kicked in.
The Gryffindor knew where this was going and where it had come from. "For the love of God, I'm not my mother," he said irritably. "She's the one that made a mistake, not you! You were upset and hurting, and you were trying to look strong. She should have known you didn't mean it like that."
Severus just fell silent, making an expression which was half way between pained and disgusted.
Harry was beginning to get annoyed once more. "Is this all this is? You love me because you loved her? Seriously, Severus, I'm getting so pissed off about this," he said, feeling his emotions starting to take over once more.
"You hated me! You hated me and I hated you, and things changed. Why!? Was it because you started to like me, or was it because you saw a second chance with my mother!? I'm tired of being in the dark and feeling second best, damnit! Just tell me! Just tell me if it's me or her you want to be with, because I'm not letting you kick my heart to the ground and stomp all over it like she did to you!"
"I don't know!" Snape fired back in a confused tone which didn't sound like his usual self. He moved away from Harry, his hands grabbing his hair in a stressed manner. "I've been so bloody closed up for years that I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. You can't just pressure me to answer you!" he snapped.
Harry tried to bite his tongue, shaking his head. "Fine… well until you finally figure out what you're feeling, I'm not waiting around just to get trodden on. I think we need a break."
A break!? That was the last thing they needed! Turning back to Harry, Snape's robes whirled around his legs. "No," he almost demanded, a surge of fear and possession strangling his chest.
"Excuse me?"
"I am not having a break. And I am not allowing you to think we need one. We are adults, not children. We can figure this out."
"You know, for a genius, you're not really showing how intelligent you can be."
"Shut up," Severus spat. "Do you have any idea what you have put me through in the last few months? I thought I hated you, and I was more than pleased with that conclusion. And then you go and save my life like some idiotic hero, and I'm stuck in a bed, and all I can think about is you! Why you saved me when you hated me."
He wasn't letting this be put on him. It wasn't his damn fault he fell for Harry, it was the bloody Gryffindor's! If he hadn't have saved his life, then he could have died painfully from Nagini and forgotten all about it!
"You think it wasn't confusing for me!? Realising that I had a bloody crush on my Potions professor! Not to mention the man that I grew up hating. And exactly that! A man! I always thought I liked girls, and then all of a sudden I have a crush on you, of all people."
"Oh, yes, saying it like that makes me feel much better," Severus scoffed. "I hope you realise that you are more than capable of pulling that off. However, a professor romantically involving themselves with a student is highly frowned upon. I could have lost my career if it weren't for this stupid bond of ours. Not to mention the fact it was 'the famous Harry Potter'. I don't find myself getting involved with little boys regularly, Potter, so don't think that part wasn't confusing."
"Little boys!? Is that what I am to you? Just a kid!?"
"Well you may as well be with the way you're acting," Severus muttered. He was then pushed back by a pair of angry hands, his back hitting up against the wall. He growled, instantly grabbing Harry's collar within his hands so they were face-to-face.
"Come on, then! I'll show you just how much of a man I can be!" Harry barked, The Fat Lady in the portrait's eyes not having left them once since this started out. "You think you're such a grown up, at least I know my own feelings! Come on, fight back!"
Severus just looked at those angry green eyes, his hands still tight on Harry's collar. Was this really where things were going for them? Fighting like this? An argument here and there, he had no problem with, but physically hurting Harry? He'd never dream of it.
He was smacked with the images of his father having hit his mother and him as a child. No, he would not be like that filthy Muggle! He would not hit Harry! He never would! The only thing he'd ever do is disarm him, and Harry's wand wasn't out.
"Afraid I might win?" Harry whispered dangerously as their lips were mere centimetres from one another. He didn't know what had come over him. Usually he wouldn't threaten anyone. But he was just so tired of being toyed with! If Severus didn't make his mind up, then he would for him!
Snape could feel Harry's cool breath against his skin, and he lowered his hands, shoving Harry from him so he wasn't pinned against the wall.
"I would never strike you," he muttered. He wasn't like his father. That behaviour disgusted him.
"Why not? You seem to enjoy mentally fucking me up."
"Mind your language," Severus spat viciously, pointing a warning finger at the younger wizard. Despite this being between them, he was still Harry's professor.
Harry rolled his eyes. "We're arguing and you care about my language? Screw you," he muttered, pushing past the Slytherin. "Don't come back here, either, you worthless snake."
"And you said you weren't like her…" Severus mocked, even if he was hurt. He wasn't about to show that to Harry, was he? "I came back for you! I spent my life protecting you, and this is the respect I get? Perhaps you are just like your mother… too much like her."
Harry spun around fiercely. "I hate you!" he almost screamed, running at Snape. Severus caught his wrists as he tried to hit him, and the both of them fell against the wall. "Take that back, you bastard! I hate you!"
Stumbling, Severus wasn't the most agile of people, and they fell onto the floor, Harry going weak as tears began to stream down his face. The hands soon stopped trying to pummel him, and instead clung onto his robes.
He didn't push Harry from him, and instead embraced him. He grabbed Harry's tear streaked face as he continued to whisper his hatred for him. "I love you…" he murmured back, taking Harry's wet lips and kissing him. Somehow, it all made sense in his head at the sight of Harry to hurt and upset. He loved him. He'd do anything for him. He'd love him even if Harry hated him. "I love you…"
Harry's hands clutched the black robes in his hands as he was in Snape's lap. He wanted to push the professor away, but at the same time, he needed so much to hear those words. To feel Severus against him. All this anger and hurt made him need the Potions master even more than he usually would.
He felt himself eagerly forcing himself into Snape's mouth, needing to feel him as much as possible. Why couldn't he just say it more? Why couldn't he just tell him how he really felt!? He was so tired of not knowing, or feeling second best. He couldn't do this to himself! He couldn't let Severus play him like this! He wasn't a Potion to brew and experiment with!
But he couldn't let go. He felt Snape's hands grab him tightly as the both of them continued tasting each other on the floor of the corridor. Snape's hand went against the back of his head in a comforting manner, and Harry was unable to control himself. He simply melted into the professor's attention. He needed this so much, even if the Fat Lady was watching in surprise.
Author's Comment:
I'm probably going to stop posting until I've finally finished and caught up with my chapters. I REALLY don't want this to be a dead fic, and while I've been going through personal stuff, my drive has sort of disappeared. I'm wanting to get more chapters down before I start posting again, and I want to make sure to finish it as I AM very close to the end of the series. I just need to GET there and not fall off the face of the earth.
For now, updates will be slow if any until I've got my groove back.
Also, I made a poll on my front page, I'd be very interested in your thoughts! Please vote. Thank you!