Chapter 11

"So while we're on the road to find Jesse's birth mom you're staying here and doing what exactly?" Dean asked as him and Sam packed up the Impala.

"Keeping an ear out," she said with a shrug," See if anything else pops up."

"Is there something you're not telling us?" Sam asked.

She rolled her eyes, "No. Why would you think that?

"Because you're the only person who lies better than we do," Dean said.

"Flattery will get you nowhere," she replied with a smirk," but seriously. We don't know what else Jesse believes in."

"We'll only be gone a few hours," Sam added.

"A lot can happen in a few hours," she said," We know that better than anyone."

"I still think-" Dean began, but she cut him off.

"I know you guys still have the mindset that I'm incapable of protecting myself but I'm perfectly fine by myself for a few hours," she said finally," I don't need a babysitter."

"We're not your babysitters," Dean said, slightly offended.

"Okay than. Overprotective pit bulls," she said with a smile," Whatever you wanna call it."

Dean and Sam exchanged a look.

"Okay let me make this simple," she said, growing frustrated," I don't want to go. I'm not going and for lack of a better phrase…you can't make me."

"You sound like a child," Dean said spitefully.

"Than stop acting like my babysitter," she countered.

Sam looked between the two," C'mon Dean. We should get on the road if we wanna be back before tomorrow."

They stared down for a few more seconds before Dean backed down.

"Call me when you guys get there," she said, turning around and going back to the motel room.

SUPERNATURAL

As soon as she saw the Impala leave the parking lot she sat down on the bed with a deep sigh. Truth was she needed a break from both of them.

The ring of her cell phone startled her out of her thoughts. She smiled and flopped down onto the bed when she saw it was Megan. She answered it as she stared up at the ceiling.

"You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice right now."

"How's my favorite cousin?"Megan asked on the other line.

She sighed, "Good."

"What about tweedle dee and tweedle dumb?"

"They just left," she said.

"Are you still working that case?"

"Yeah," she replied and realized she had to ask," What's with the twenty questions?"

She groaned," Because our mothers are worried shitless about you. You won't return their calls and they're starting to get offended that you've only been talking to me. And even when we do talk it's just so I know you're alive."

"Tell them-"

"Nope," Megan said quickly," No more of this crap. You're telling me what's going on right now."

An hour later, she'd revealed everything to Megan. Everything from her sacrifice to Sam's betrayal and Lucifer's plans for her was now out in the open.

"So let me get this straight," Megan said on the other line," Back in BC Lilith sacrificed herself to become the first demon and to restore the balance of the universe Lucifer decreed there'd be a doppelganger from her family line."

"Our family line," Addy clarified, finishing the last of her beer she'd started at the beginning of their conversation.

"Well that explains a lot," she mumbled and went on," So now, a bazillion years later your boy toy gets buddy buddy with his demon mistress and high on demon blood kills you…"

"He didn't know I was alive," Addy defended.

"Jumper cables the apocalypse…" Megan continued.

"He didn't know that would happen."

"And now Lucifer's free…"

"Yup."

"Wants you to be his evil bride…"

"If you wanna put it that way."

"And is terrorizing you in your dreams."

"Sounds about right," she said and Megan stared at her.

"Jesus Christ Kit would it kill you to pick up the phone and tell your family about this crap," she said and she could practically hear her rubbing her head," You know our mothers have been worried sick."

"I talk to you," she said defensively.

"Yeah and my ass is the one that has to assure them you're okay," she said, slightly annoyed," Which now that I think about it is an obvious lie. Why are you ignoring them Kit?"

"Because I can't face them," she said, sounding exhausted," I can't tell them what I just told you."

"Why not?" she asked softly.

"Because how many times growing up did they tell us to be careful Megan?" she asked her," I made the ultimate slip up and not only am I paying for it but the whole freaking world if we can't find a way to stop the damn apocalypse of all things."

"Why are you so intent on blaming yourself?" Megan asked.

"Because on some level this is my fault, Megan," she said, her head in her hands," If I hadn't been so set on ignoring all the signs and all the warning signals Sam was emitting than I could have reached into his mind and seen what he was doing-"

"And what Kit?" she asked," What would you have done? Seth-"

"Sam," she corrected.

She groaned, "Sam made his choice and he'll have to live with it. Not you. He was stupid and reckless. Not you."

"You warned me to walk away, Megan," she said, staring at a spot on the carpet," Maybe if I had listened…"

"Lilith would have tracked you down anyway," she said reluctantly," I hate to say it, but it sounds like there wasn't anything you could do. Lilith was one determined bitch…and now that I think about it that must have been passed down through the generations."

Addy managed a chuckle.

"We've heard things Kit," Megan said carefully," Sprits talk and witches listen, but lately they've been quiet. Really quiet and now I know it's because the end is near."

"We're trying to stop it," she whispered, her head in her hands.

"Do you hear yourself, Kit?" she asked," You're tired. I can hear it in your voice. When was the last time you got a good sleep?"

She chuckled darkly, "When I died."

"Kit listen to yourself," Megan pleaded," You're not just tired physically, but mentally…Maybe it's time to admit that just this once you're not up for the fight."

"I can't walk away from this."

"So when are you going to walk away from this?" Megan yelled at her," When will you finally let this all go and come home?"

"I-I can't- I don't know."

"Well I do," she said, her voice breaking," When you're dead. I'm gonna have to identify you're body one day. My mother'll have to prepare a burial ceremony for you. For God sakes Kit your mother'll have to bury her daughter. You may have been lucky this time, but what about the next time you die. No one gets that many chances."

"I've died twice," she said matter of factly," so has Sam. Dean…well damn I don't even know."

"And you think you'll keep it up?" she asked.

She stared into space and answered honestly," I don't know Megan."

"Why are you even there Kit?" she asked," You and Seth-"

"Sam."

"Okay you know I'm using his name wrong on purpose," she said with an exasperated sigh," You and the Behemoth are over. What reason do you have to-?"

"Just because we're over doesn't mean I don't care."

"Or does this have something to do with the other brother…"

She didn't answer.

"It does. Doesn't it?" she asked in surprise," Wait are you two-"

"No," she interrupted.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

She sighed," Megan I'm not screwing around with my ex's brother."

"But you wish you could," she added.

"That's not the point."

"I don't blame you. He just gives off that good sex vibe."

"We're done with this topic," Addy said, getting up to get another beer.

"Dirty, hot, sweaty, and ever so rough while he-"

"Megan," Addy said with a warning tone.

"I thought I smelled sexual frustration," Megan teased.

"You're a bitch."

"That's why you love me."

Addy shook her head, holding back a smile as she grabbed a beer from the case.

"I wasn't kidding by the way. How long has it been since you let someone go to town with you?"

"Have you forgotten that I kind of got my heart ripped out, chewed to pieces, spit out and then stomped on repeatedly?" she asked dramatically.

"So a while."

"Again. Topic. Done," she said with finality.

"Alright fine," she said and then added for good measure," So if you're not sleeping with Dean can I-"

"Not now. Not ever," she said fiercely.

"That doesn't sound like you like him at all," she said under her breath.

She was about to say something when the tone letting her know she had another call waiting went off.

"Megan someone else is on the other line."

"I gotta go anyways," she said," I have a hot date."

"Yeah have fun with that."

"Be careful Kit," she said on a more serious note.

"Aren't I always?" she replied, hoping to give her a sense of comfort, "We'll talk later."

"Alright bye," she said and clicked off.

SUPERNATURAL

"Wait you understand this?" Dean asked over Addy's shoulder as she typed furiously on the computer.

"Jesse's mom said she wasn't pregnant when she became possessed right?" she asked.

"She was a virgin," Sam clarified, sitting across from her.

"That seals it then," she said, pulling up the page she'd been looking for," Half human, half demon hybrid. This makes him way more powerful than either."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked.

"Other cultures call this hybrid cambion or katako. You know him as the antichrist."

"Son of a-" Addy exclaimed, pulling out her knife and turning to see Cas behind her," What the fuck Cas? Don't you know how to use a door?"

"It's okay Addy," Dean said," We called him."

"Next time you do that can you give me a heads up so I don't shit my pants," she said, putting down the knife with a sigh.

"It's lucky you found the boy," Cas said, standing beside Dean.

"So what do we do with him?" Sam asked.

"Kill him," Cas said simply.

Addy turned to him aburbtly," Not gonna happen."

"He is dangerous," Cas said simply.

"He is a little boy," she yelled at him," You can't go smiting whoever you please. Especially a freaking child. Are you insane?"

"No, my mental state is-"

"Not her point, Cas," Dean said, noticing she was getting angrier," What makes his kid so dangerous? He's living in the middle of Nebraska. No demons here."

"Because of the child's power. It hides him from both angels and demons. For now. With Lucifer risen, this child grows strong. Soon, he will do more than just make a few toys come to life and something that will draw the demons to him. The demons will find this child. Lucifer will twist this boy to his purpose. And then, with a word, this child will destroy the Host of Heaven," he said with a grave tone.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. You're saying that-that Jesse's gonna nuke the angels?" Dean asked in confusion.

"We cannot allow that to happen," Cas said.

"We're the good guys," Sam said, standing up from the table," We don't kill children."

"A year ago, you would have done whatever it took to win this war," Cas argued as Addy stood up.

Sam glanced at her before he said sadly, "Things change."

"Okay. Hey, look, we are not going to kill him. All right? But we can't leave Jesse here either. We know that. So...we take him to Bobby's. He'll know what to do," Dean said, trying to diffuse the argument.

"You'll kidnap him? What is going on in this town, it's what happens when this thing is happy. You cannot imagine what it will do if it's angry. Besides, how will you hold him? With a thought, he could be halfway around the world."

Addy stared at him in disgust," Did you just refer to an eleven year old boy as it and thing."

"It's an abomination!"

"It is a little boy. It's name is Jesse. And that thing isn't an abomination. He's a kid who doesn't deserve to die just because of what he was born into," she yelled at him and the whole room went quiet.

"Are you talking of the child...or yourself?" Castiel dared ask and she stared him down as she came face to face with him.

"I'm not and I haven't ever been afraid of you," she growled at him," And I still have nightmares of that room you let Zachariah throw me in so don't think for a second that I don't hold a grudge."

"So we tell him the truth," Sam said, lightly grabbing her by the arm and pulling her back," You say Jesse's destined to go dark side…fine. But he hasn't yet. So if we lay it all out for him…what he is, the apocalypse, everything…he might make the right choice."

There was a long, looming silence.

"You didn't. And I can't take that chance," the angel said and then vanished with a flutter of wings.

"Damn it," Sam exclaimed.

"We have to go," Addy said with wide eyes," Right now."

SUPERNATURAL

Addy didn't even wait for the car to start. She just threw open the door as the Impala was coasting to a stop in front of the house. She didn't bother knocking on the front door, she kicked it open as Sam and Dean caught up to her. She ran in to see Jesse with wide eyes.

"Jesse are you okay?" she asked, running and kneeling in front of him.

"Was there a guy here? In a trench coat?" Dean asked behind her.

Jesse's gaze was fixated on the floor and she turned to see a little action figurine on the ground. Her eyes widened at the trench coated little man," It's him."

Later on, Jesse was sitting on the couch with Addy. He held her hand as if it were his lifeline and she let him as Dean set Cas on the fire mantel.

"Was he your friend?"he asked her.

She looked him straight in his wide eyes," No."

"I did that. But how did I do that?" he asked in confusion.

"You're a superhero," Dean said and Addy looked at him and shook her head, turning back to Jesse she said," You want the truth Jesse?"

"Yes please," he whispered.

"You're special," she said slowly," And I know exactly what you're going through. We're here to help you. Do you understand?"

He nodded slowly.

Suddenly, Dean and Sam are flung against a wall. Addy turns to see a woman walking in, her eyes turning black. She gets up and pushed Jesse behind her.

"Well if it isn't the future queen of hell?" it said with a smile.

"Walk away now," she said, slowly backing away with Jesse," You know what I'm capable of."

"That's why I brought this," she replied with an evil smile and lifted her closed fist. She opened it and blew its contents in her direction. It hit her without warning and she immediately began coughing and gasping as she fell to her knees.

"Lucifer's orders," she said, rounding the couch, coming closer to Jesse," Can't touch his pretty whore and you're too strong for me. Little witch hazel remedies that right up."

"Jesse," she managed to choke out and then fell to the ground, her vision bluring," Run."

She wasn't fully unconscious. She flitted in and out of sleep. She was dazed and confused. She tried to move, but her body was detached from her mind. She made out a few key phrases. The demon and Sam and Dean arguing back and forth. Sam explaining to Jesse who he was and what they did and she saw the demon as black smoke filled the ceiling than disappeared.

Jesse stood over her and then bent down, touching the side of her cheek," I want you to be better."

Instantly, everything went away and she sat up slowly. Dean reached out his hand to her and she took it as he pulled her up.

"Are you okay?" he asked and she nodded and turned back to Jesse.

"Are you alright?" she asked him.

He turned to the former demon, slumped in the chair," Is she gonna be all right?"

"Eventually," she said gently.

"What now?" he asked.

"Now we take you someplace safe, get you trained up. You'd be handy in a fight, kid," Dean said and Addy knew it wasn't right.

"What if I don't want to fight?"

"Jesse-" Sam began to say, but she cut him off.

"Than you don't have to," she said, kneeling in front of him," But you're powerful. Very powerful and that makes you-"

"A freak," he said, looking down at his feet.

She vaguely had a memory of having the same conversation with her mother and she said the words she said to her.

"You may be a freak to some people," she whispered, tilting his face back up," but never to me because I'm like you."

"You're like me?" he asked quietly with hopeful eyes.

"Not exactly. Can I tell you a secret?" she asked and leaned in close when he nodded," I'm a witch."

He stared at her," Really?"

"It's not exactly like in the movies, but I can do some pretty cool stuff."

He seemed to become a bit happier, but it faded," I can't stay here, can I?"

Addy didn't have the heart to say it to him so she stood up and held his hand, waiting for Sam and Dean to speak.

"No. The demons know where you are, and more will be coming," Dean explained.

"I won't go without my mom and dad," he said, squeezing her hand.

"There's nothing more important than family. We get that. And if you really want to take them with you, we'll back your play. But you got to understand—it's gonna be dangerous for them, too," Sam said reluctantly.

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking up at Addy for answers.

"Jesse this life you have to go into…people who you care about end up…gone," she said as gently as she could muster.

"You mean dead," he said sadly and she nodded.

"Look, Jesse...once you're in this fight..." Dean began, leaning down to his level," You're in it till the end, win or lose."

"What should I do?" Jesse asked her.

She looked him in the eye," Whatever you want. We won't force you to do anything. It's your choice…your life. That should never be taken from you."

He pulled her down and hugged her tightly," Can I go see my parents? I, I need to...say goodbye."

"Of course," she said and let him go up the stairs.

SUPERNATURAL

They never saw Jesse again after that. It was the morning after they ditched town. Cas was back in full form and they were long gone. They'd parked far off on a dirt road, quietly eating leftovers. Addy sat on the hood of the Impala next to Dean. Sam still slept heavily in the backseat.

"You were good with him," Dean said out of nowhere," Jesse. I mean."

She took a deep breath," It's because I was him…I still am. His life's been taken over because of a birthright he had no control over. I know what it's like and I wish I'd had someone who could have taken it away from me…even if just for a second."

"What about now?" he asked," You don't think you have a choice?"

"It's too late for choices. Too many bad ones."

"Sam's bad choices weren't yours."

"A small part of me knows that," she whispered," but he wasn't the only one who made bad choices and played a role in this. We're still playing roles."

"Team Free Will," he reminded and she looked at him sadly," but that doesn't matter to you. Does it?"

"I always knew I was supposed to end the world. I carried that with me for most of my life…and I know this is kind of twisted, but the only escape I thought I had from it was when it happened. When the prophecy came true and it all just…ended," she confessed.

"But now I'm back," she said with a humorless chuckle, looking into the distance," and I'm still a piece in someone else's chess game. Only now I'm not a pawn…I'm a queen. This angry, confused, bitter queen who doesn't want the title and some days I think…"

"Think what Addy?" he asked against his better judgment.

She met his eyes," In the church that night, there was a split second before I died that everything was quiet all I thought was…it's over. I'm finally done. I'm free."

"What do you think now?" he asked her.

"Normally, I can trick myself into thinking it was just a lapse in judgment," she said with a scoff," but sometimes I'll just…stare at the ceiling at night because Lucifer's in my nightmares or I'll look at food because I know if I eat I'll feel sick if he even enters my thoughts and…"

He gulped," And what?"

She took a long moment to answer him and whispered," Some days I think what I wouldn't give to have stayed dead that night."

"Don't say that," Dean begged.

She gave him a sad smile," I'll keep fighting every son of a bitch who tries to take us down with all I have. I just want you to know that…all I have might not be that much anymore."

Her voice trembled with those words and without hesitation he put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"It's you and me, Addy," he said, holding her close,"You have me."

"I know," she whispered. her head on his shoulder.

They settled into a horrible silence weighted with more than either of them could carry.