Akane Hits the Big One, Repeatedly

Author's Notes: Thanks for the quick feedback on the first posting. The original plan was to create a single all-in-one posting. However, things over Christmas got hectic around the homestead so I got to a good stopping point and then posted that. Now to get the next section done, and throw in more mayhem in the NWC-less-two.

This is actually the work of one day, December 27th, along with phone calls to the rest of my family up in Huntsville for my brother's medical issue and cleaning house and making dinner for myself, my wife and the dog.

Akane looked up from scooping out the last bits of her Boyfriend-And-You Super Special Sundae when a quiet cough from across the table. Quirking an eyebrow, she saw the spoon of her table mate point over her shoulder and the quiet voice of "pig-boy at 12 o'clock" just as a quiet but familiar voice sounded behind her.

"Excuse me, young ladies, but could you tell me where I am? I seem to have gotten myself massively lost…."

She placed the spoon back in the parfait glass and turned around. What she saw was not the expected orange-and-black bandanna, yellow shirt, kung fu pants and slightly outdoorsy odor of the Perpetually Lost Boy but there was definitely the shambles of a haircut and fang-toothed embarrassed grin. Looking back at her table mate, Akane winked and pulled a quick stinky-eye, then turned back.

"Well, you're at the Someday Sundae Shoppe on Rising Dragon Circle, is that enough information?"

His hand came up and rubbed the back of his neck and he looked even more embarrassed. "No, not really. Don't laugh but I have no idea which city I am in. Can you just point me in the direction of the nearest police box or station, and I'll take it from there?"

Her table mate patted her lips with her napkin and leaned across the table a bit and stage-whispered, "I think that has to be the worst pick-up line that I've ever heard. You'd better call for a policeman or the manager. I think that he's some sort of pervert."

He took a step back and waved his hands in between them while shaking his head. "No, no. I'm not but… but…. " He suddenly bowed deeply and straightened up. "My name is Hibiki Ryoga and I'm from Nerima. I have this family ability, practically a curse, in that if I get distracted, I teleport to a random location but I need to know where I am so I can figure out how to get back home."

Akane brightened and put on a big frown. "I'm from Nerima and I know Ryoga, and you look nothing like him." She sniffed. "AND you smell nothing like him. Yes, Kitty, I think that he is a pervert. Better call for the manager."

Ryoga sighed and very carefully reached for his wallet, pulled it out and extracted his identity card, then presented it to her. "See! I am Hibiki Ryoga, and I'm from Nerima, and see, it says right here that I have a disability of being a random teleporter."

Akane took the identity card and examined it and compared the picture to the person standing in from of her. "I've heard that they can make good fakes nowadays, so people can sneak into adult bars and clubs….."

Ryoga rolled his eyes, and reached inside his jacket and polled out a bandanna and tied it around his head and gave his most wolfish grin. "Does this match your memory?"

Akane studied him, tapping her forefinger against her chin. "I don't know. The Ryoga was always yelling some sentence or phrase and attacking some other martial artist….. what was it? Something about it all being someone's fault…. Do the yell and I might agree that you are Ryoga….. please?"

Ryoga sighed, ignoring the table mate snickering at him, and quietly said "It's all your fault, Ranma…."

"No, louder and with more emphasis…."

"It's all your fault, Ranma" he said louder..

"No, has to be louder…. Like you mean it."

This went back and forth several times, gathering the attention of more and more of the patrons from the restaurant and adding to Ryoga's level of embarrassment. The manager started coming out of his office and heading for their table.

Finally, loosing his temper, Ryoga yelled at the top of his lungs, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! PREPARE TO DIE, RANMA SAOTOME!"

Akane jumped to her feet and fist-pumped in the air. "That's the Hibiki Ryoga that Kitty and I remember! Hello, Ryoga. Please sit down and have something to eat and we'll get you started on your way back home."

Kitty was now stifling her laughs with the simple expedient of stuffing her napkin in her mouth and pounding the table, which was completely at odds with her being dressed as a maiko. The manager came over and gave them all an exasperated expression and said "I hope that this will be the end of his proof of who he is….. What will the young man be having?"

Akane gave Ryoga a quick up and down glance and said, "Ryoga is a martial artist and he's probably a bit peckish. Can you give him a Lunch Special, about the same amount as both myself and Kitty would have combined, on a single plate along with a pitcher of iced tea each, and another sundae for each of us, and put it all on our bill."

The manager sighed, bowed and made several hand-gestures to the staff behind the counter and departed for his office. The counter staff scrambled and brought out the pitchers of iced tea and glasses for the table, set a place setting in front of Ryoga and removed the two large parfait glasses and existing cutlery. This was quickly replaced by the gargantuan Lunch Special and two more sundaes large enough to sink a battleship or two each.

"Inutakimas!" all three went and they started into their respective items.

Ryoga slowed down a bit and then looked at the two young ladies, both wearing maiko kimonos and wearing the appropriate makeup for their attire. He took another few mouthfuls and put his chopsticks down and took a hard look at each of them. Sighing, he picked up the chopsticks and continued eating his lunch though at a slower pace, reflecting on what he had seen and heard.

When he'd finished his lunch, he put the chopsticks down and pushed the plate away, refilling his glass with the last of the iced tea, still looking puzzled.

Kitty smirked at him. "You still haven't figured out who we are, have you?"

He slowly shook his head, and tapped the far side of it. "Back here, you're striking chords but no bells are ringing. You both are familiar as all get out but how you are behaving is just not matching with any of my memories. I really think that I should know you quite well but neither of you are behaving in the expected manner. Oh, well; it'll come sometime or I'll wind up begging for you to tell me."

Both ladies snickered and Kitty leaned her elbow on the table, resting her chin on her fist. "Ah, a challenge. Are you sure that you're up to it?"

Ryoga vigorously shaked his head. "No, you've already proven that I am not to your skill level at this game. Speaking of which, what are you two doing, studying at the Greater School of Martial Arts Geisha Training?"

The other girl snickered and then laughed. "Well, we're not going to tell exactly what the school is called because there are reasons why we can't tell you everything. For your protection as well as ours. Aside from that, you're not too far off. Kitty is advancing in leaps and bounds which is surprising the heck out of the both of us. I'm going there for different reasons and am progressing but not at the same pace. Apparently, I have issues with kitchens."

Kitty snickered and nodded. "Martial arts skills come in handy when she cooks….."

"Thank you very much, sister dearest."

Kitty stuck out her tongue in a quick lick and went "MEOW!"

Akane leaned forward. "Well, what you can do for us is to give us the current news on Nerima. We heard that Akane Tendo and Shampoo have left but nothing more. Everyone that we know back home just shakes their heads, goes what-a-shame or something similar. It's as if the Earth swallowed them an they no longer exist."

Ryoga started to shake his head and felt the same words coming up his throat and then closed his eyes and started again. "You heard that Akane is the Twenty Billion Yen Girl?"

Both girls went "No! What happened?"

Ryoga's shoulders dropped. "No one really knew but she concealed that from everyone, including her sister Nibiki, until she threw this massive lunch at the dojo, made sure that everyone was dressed to the nines, and then dropped the bombshell - she backed out of the arranged marriage between her and Ranma, gave the reasons, and then bailed. She'd made sure that the clothes everyone was wearing slowed them down so she had a massive head-start on any pursuit before it could get organized. No one really knows where she is except that she is alive. At the same time, one of the other fiances, Shampoo, used the confusion to disappear as well. Apparently, there's Amazon customs that were forcing a marriage between her and Ranma, and she went ronin when the Amazon council insisted on a marriage and she couldn't or refused. Some say that they are together, some say that there was no love lost between the two so there might have been a battle royal between the two and Shampoo lost and died, which is why Akane's really hiding out. Even Elder Cologne cannot find Akane or Shampoo with her magic and scrying techniques."

Kitty looked down and wore a sad expression. Ryoga glanced at the other lady and saw a similar expression but also with a bit of determination showing up.

Kitty looked up. "What about everyone else. The rest of what's been called the Nerima Wrecking Crew?"

Ryoga smiled though he didn't look exactly happy. "We all tried to get on. Akane had left money for everyone to have time with a psychologist on our various problems, most of which contributed to all the chaos around us. Everyone got really sad and realized that they had been part of Akane's problems, and have been trying… For me, I've been working on my grudges and sense of inferiority and my family trait of getting lost at the drop of a hat. Today was the first time in a month that I 'went random'. Ranma blames himself for a lot of the problems with the Crew and has been keeping his own company as well as helping out at the dojo and doing the occasional odd job here and there to help out with things. Rumor has it that he tried going through every unattached female in Nerima but that lasted for about a month before he ran into Happosai one night on a panty raid (Happosai was doing the raiding) and Happosai is in a hospital somewhere under police guard. Nibiki has dropped all of her schemes and businesses and is making up for lost time in her grades, not that she really had to but she's nailed three scholarships to Tokai's School of Business. Kasumi… well, she was really hit hard with Akane's leaving and she and Doctor Ono had a big falling out over their relationship - not permanent but all the hidden things came out and they're seeing Doctor Konjo together and apart. The other two fiances, Uyko and Kodachi, keep dropping by the Tendo dojo but are not pursuing Ranma like they used to. Uyko seems to be leaning towards Konatsu and Kodachi is being another Nibiki, no schemes or plots anymore but seriously hitting the books and talking about the Tokai School of Botany,which is really freaking out Tatewaki and their father Principal Kuno as she's practically a hikkimori, except she's regularly around the Tendo Dojo or at Uyko's or the Nikohanten, looking and behaving like a normal person and not the Black Rose."

Ryoga looked at both young ladies and saw their sad expressions.

"Hey! If things had gone on the way that they were going, the resulting blow-up would have been a lot worse, perhaps catastrophic for the city or even Tokyo. It's been not a great solution but possible a good one."

"Look," he said. Both young ladies regarded him. "What say the rest of today is on me? I mean, I do have money of my own, and if you're not doing anything, we could go out and about and you can go to the movies or anything to shake you out of the blues that I've given you."

The two young ladies shared a look and nod, and looked at Ryoga. "OK, this afternoon is on you. Shall we call it a date?"

Ryoga blanched then firmed his shoulders. "OK, wasn't thinking that but if you two want a date, I'll be the date. Where do we start?"

Kitty spoke first. "Our place so we can change into casual clothing and get our stuff put away. It's just down the street and we can be on the road within a half hour.. Let's go."

Akane nodded. "Let's. Ryoga, are you up to being double-teamed?"

"I'm a Neriman martial artist. I am up to anything. Bring it on!"

Akane snickered and smirked at Ryoga. "Well, you said it. Don't say that we didn't warn you."

- Half an hour later -

Ryoga was admiring the girls' apartment and its decorations. "I'm not the decorating sort, but I must admit that this is really well done. Who did the grand design?"

"She did! No, SHE did" and laughter echoed from the two bedrooms at the end of the hallway.

Ryoga laughed. "OK, sounds like this was a group effort, and one well done! Going to be long?"

Kitty shouted back. "Not long, but we'll have to take a shower together or we'll be here for hours getting our hair dried. Wanna join us?"

Akane shouted, "there's room for three of us here, you know!"

Ryoga grabbed the box of tissues beside the sofa and started pushing a handful up his nasal passages while shouting, "no! No! I'm good!"

Snickers came down the hallway. Kitty popped out with "Ryoga, do we need to get more tissues?"

He quipped back "if you two don't stop teasing, I'll go back there and we'll never get out of here…."

"Promises, promises! But that doesn't sound like the old Ryoga. He'd be sitting there with half a box of tissues stuck up his nose trying to stop the flood and trying to figure out how to run away."

"Blame that on Akari. Talk about a woman on a mission. Do you want to hear the details?"

"No!" came the simultaneous shout.

- Somewhere around 2 o'clock the next morning -

Ryoga fell backwards on the sofa and looked at the two young ladies. I don't know where you get the capacity, I've tried to keep up with the two of you and I'm wiped."

Kitty smirked. "That's because we dance regularly as part of our maiko training and we're dancing for one. YOU have strength and speed but not endurance and was trying to keep up with the two of us."

"Well, give me a cup of coffee and some time to gather myself and you can point me in the direction of home and I'll be off."

"Nonsense, Ryoga! You're barely awake right now and even if you started in the right direction and angle, you'd poop out somewhere over the Sea of Japan without a tanker ship for you to land on. Better you stay the night, have breakfast with us and then we'll get you going. You've been way too much fun to leave you in the lurch like this."

He stretched and nodded, feeling more than halfway asleep.

Akane stuck her head around the corner of her bedroom doorway. "Besides, you still haven't guessed our names. "

Ryoga nodded and leaned back against the arm of the sofa, wriggling to make himself comfortable. "All I have are that your nicknames are Kitty and Madder, and you two have not provided any clues other than that you're from Nerima, are aware of martial arts but have never said your schools or backgrounds, have not talked about your schooling, and aside from being familiar with me and the rest of the Nerima Wrecking Crew, have been notably close-mouthed about anything that can identify you. I suspect that you've probably changed your hair colors and styles a bit as maiko keep their hair long and regularly styled."

"In fact, I'm too tired to think any more. Can you just grab me a pillow and some blankets, and I'll camp out here on the sofa."

Akane came around the corner into the living room wearing a diaphanous shortie gown and carrying a small stuffed animal doll. "And I thought that you might want something to cuddle up to while you slept."

"No, I'm good. Haven't had anything to cuddle for…. years…" as his eyes focused on the small black piglet shape with bulging eyes. He threw his arm over his eyes. "Please kill me now, Akane. I give up."

She said down on the edge of the sofa and looked at him. "Actually, I want to talk, then I may decide to kill or at least seriously punish you. What was it with P-chan?"

Ryoga sighed. "I've got no way of proving my word on this but I was definitely not the most honorable of people at that time. You know me, the Perpetually Lost Boy? You know what it's really like, hugs and cuddles maybe every other year when I managed to run into my parents, the only real source of affection being Shirokuro and the litter, and the only real contacts with other people have been mostly Ranma and you? I've got a Jusenkyo curse like Ranma, Mr. Saotome, Shampoo, and Mouse - just a cute helpless little black pig that you called P-chan and yet totally ignored all the clues and hints from others that P-chan and Ryoga might be the one and the same? I'll admit that I screwed over Ranma and his sense of honor not to tell you. As what I didn't want to lose was the affection that you showered on me. Then you dragged me into your room….. OK, I was pushing the envelope on dishonorable at that point, but I always was turned away from you or had my head buried under the covers or the pillows facing away from you and any mirrors or windows. When you finally went to sleep, I'd either be sleeping on top of the covers at your feet or trying to figure out the fastest escape route out of the house that wouldn't wake up Ranma. I stayed away from Nerima as much as I could or the family sense of misdirection permitted or when you needed to be rescued. I only attended your lunch because the letter arrived on the one day out of six months that I actually had found my way home and my parents were both there. They decided that I really had to go and make any amends that I could make to you, rather than the usual get-out-of-town-fast exit I'd make."

He sighed and sat up, managing to avoid bumping Akane as he twisted to get his feet around her and then unto the floor, where he stood up stepped back and then knelt down facing her. He bowed fully and placed his hands and head on the floor and said, "I really am sorry for all the troubles that I have caused you, for letting you continue to think that P-chan was just a lost piglet and not me, for forcing Ranma to conceal the secret from you and winding him up at every opportunity. I will accept any punishment from you, and will stay away from you and Shampoo from this moment on."

"Nani!?" went Kitty. "How did you figure out that?"

Ryoga twisted his head around to face her a bit. "When I was going through everyone in Nerima with a Jusenkyo curse, and the image popped into my head. 'Kitty' would be an obvious nickname for you, as neither of you mentioned anything about cats or why you were called the name you are."

"Ryoga!" groaned Akane and Ryoga returned to his previous position, shivering a bit at the suppressed anger in her voice. He lifted his head just a bit to see her bare feet in front of his face and then returned it to rest on his hands. He heard the floorboards shift as she squatted down in front of him, and then felt her hand on the back of his head and then taking a firm grip in his hair.

What he was not expecting was the gentle pull as she lifted his head and then dragged him up and back into another kneeling position, this time facing him. Her hand drifted down the side of his head and cupped his cheek. Her other hand came up to cup the other cheek and she shifted to a kneeling position in front of him.

Her hands pulled him forward and they both shifted forwards to keep from falling forward into each other. Akane pressed her lips into his and then shifted her arms around his neck, pulling him forward as she opened her lips slightly and moaned. Without realizing it, his arms also went around her waist and pulled her further forward while deepening the kiss and just sliding his tongue across her lips and then into her mouth. She pulled harder against him and replied in kind.

After an eternity of kissing and moaning, they realized that there was someone watching them. Or rather checking her watch.

Shampoo looked at the two and said, "Three minutes. Might as well state the obvious - she accepts your apology. So. What are you two going to do?"

Ryoga blushed and shifted his hands to cover the very prominent bulge in his trousers, looking down at the floor for a moment, he shifted back into a sitting position, then reached out and took one of Akane's hand from here it rested on his shoulder and brushed his thumb across her knuckles.

"I never really thought beyond making the apology and taking my punishment. Akane's got one of the highest sense of honor and dignity that I know of, while mine really wasn't anywhere close. I really did not expect to live more than a couple minutes, probably long enough for you to stick a tanto into the floor and to walk away."

Akane sighed and snickered. "You're right about that, even the day of the luncheon, I probably would have given that serious thought. Hence my comment and how I delivered it. Now, having spend the day with you, I've seen how you do behave in your unguarded moments and a lot of what I'd heard about you from everyone in the Crew, including Ranma in his roundabout back-handed rants, as well as what Doctor Konjo was saying, really started to make sense. When the moment came and push came to shove…." She shrugged.

"What do we do now? We probably should sleep on it, talk about it a bit in the morning, and then send you home safely to think about things while we do the same. However, while we were kissing, this massive baby-maker put in an appearance, and I'm curious about it. How about this: One night, one breakfast, one trip back to Nerima and you keep quiet about all of this, period. What do you say?"

Ryoga's nose exploded, splashing over Akane's front. She looked down and then back up at him. "I thought you said that Akari fixed that for you, or did you toss a whopper out there?"

Ryoga blushed. "No, I thought she had. But it's been six months since we broke up and well… I really think that we should go to bed….."

Akane shifted around and planted herself in Ryoga's lap and draped her arms over his shoulders, then wiggled her bum. "Go. To. Bed… That sounds good, what about you, Ryoga, or were you just trying to be all noble and self-sacrificing?"

Ryoga tried shifting Akane off of his baby-maker but not off of his lap, and looked over her shoulder at Shampoo. "Uh, Akane, your roommate….. I mean, Shampoo. She's right here."

Shampoo struck a gob-smacked pose. "I think Ryoga's got a modesty steak a mile wide. Ryoga, you do know Amazon customs, don't you?"

Ryoga slowly nodded.

Shampoo smiled and knelt down beside Ryoga and kissed him full on the lips. "Akane and I swore being shield-sisters. You know what that means?"

Ryoga slowly shook his head, looking between the two of them.

Shampoo leaned close and whispered in his ear, "It means that we trust each other more than just sisters, we are really one and share everything. I mean everything. Get it now?"

Ryoga smiled slightly, then his eyes bugged out and then rolled back in their sockets, and he collapsed backwards.

Akane looked over at Shampoo. "I think we just broke him."