WARNING: This story is rated T for shounen-ai/yaoi/whatever you want to call it as long as your heart is content.

Summary: Allen's in love with Kanda, but Kanda's dating Lavi. Allen wishes he could tell the samurai how he feels, but of course, that's out of question. He'll have to sit and watch Lavi love Kanda instead while he cries in the corner.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM, the characters, or this song.

Teardrops on my Guitar

Original Song: "Teardrops on my Guitar" by Taylor Swift

Drew looks at me.

I fake a smile so he won't see,

What I want,

What I'm needing,

Everything that we should be.

I smile as Kanda sits across from me, his boyfriend beside him, and said boyfriend says, "Hey, Allen!"

"Hi," I reply cheerfully. "What are you guys up to?"

"Nothing much. I've got to go on a mission in a few hours, so I want to have lunch with Yu before I leave," Lavi says and gives the bluenette a kiss on the cheek for emphasis, but Kanda just pushes him away and mutters a "don't call me that."

As always, they begin to bicker playfully about Kanda's lack of emotion, and I smile sadly. It was always the same. It had been for the past five months. Kanda and I had been relatively close, believe it or not, before he started dating the rabbit. I guess I lost my chance. I had been trying to work up the courage to admit my feelings, I really had, but Lavi beat me to it. Since then, I try to avoid Kanda as much as possible. Of course, I wanted to be with him, but I didn't want him to realize why. Even Lenalee agreed that we would make a good couple. The mere thought causes me to blush, but I quickly hide it when Lavi asks if I was feeling feverish.

Some things never change.

I bet she's beautiful,

That girl he talks about,

And she's got everything that I have to live without.

"Are you upset that Lavi's being sent on so many missions?" I ask before I take a drink of water from my water bottle. Kanda shrugs. "He may be good in bed, but he knows how to annoy someone."

I didn't need that information.

"Then why date him if he annoys you so much?" I bet I wouldn't annoy you if you gave me a chance.

He pulls his fingers through his loose hair absently. "Not sure. He may be an irritating rabbit, but he can be cute when he wants to be."

"Cute? I never thought I'd hear you say that about someone." No, I think about you saying that to me all the time. Am I not cute? I can be cuter if you want me to.

"He's hot more than anything," Kanda says, and I bite my tongue. I didn't want to think about Lavi being hot or cute. I wanted the samurai to say that to me.

"He's lucky," I say. Kanda raises an eyebrow at me. "Why do you say that?"

I smile. "Anyone would be lucky to be with you, even though you're an idiot."

He glares at me. I knew that I could say it without drawing attention to the main statement as long as I added a comment about him being stupid at the end.

Drew talks to me.

I laugh 'cause it's so d #! funny.

But I can't even sleep.

Any woman, he's with me.

"If anyone's an idiot, it's you."

"And why is that?" I ask. Seeming to be finding a reason, Kanda says, "You talk to Lenalee all the time."

"How does that make me an idiot?"

"Her lunatic brother rubs off on you."

I stare at him for a moment before I break out laughing. All he did was curse at me, but I couldn't stop, clutching my stomach and struggling to breath. When I finally have enough oxygen in my lungs to speak, I say, "That was just so…un-Kanda-ish!"

"Let me know when your new word makes it into the dictionary," he mutters and takes a sip of his water. "Now get up. I want to wipe the halls with your face."

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I fall in bed with my face in the pillow. After all that time, Kanda and I managed to get back to a topic involving Lavi. I guess I don't mind it. Not Lavi. No, I really mind that Lavi's dating Kanda, but I mean I don't mind talking about it with the bluenette. Any conversation is better than nothing, and I'm just glad to be close to him, regardless of the differences are in our feelings for each other.

I stare at the ceiling, trying to sleep, but all I can see are images of Kanda and Lavi.

He says he's so in love,

He's finally got it right.

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night.

I knock lightly on the door, wondering if it was too late to come to Lenalee's. It was well past midnight, but she had told me to come by anytime.

"Allen?" she asks once she had opened to door. I look down. "I'm sorry for coming so late, but I couldn't sleep."

"No, it's fine. Come in," Lenalee invites, and I follow her into her room. Her hair was down, and she wore a black undershirt and animal print, fleece pants. Yeah, she had been asleep.

"So do you want to sleepover? It wouldn't bother me," she says, sitting on the bed. After a moment, I sit beside her. "That would be great. I just…can't sleep on nights like this."

She lays a hand on my shoulder. "I know. I saw him kiss Lavi in the hall."

I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. "I hate him. I hate his guts for making me fall for him and then running off with another guy."

"Kanda probably has no idea you feel like this."

"I don't care," I whisper. "He's a stupid moron if he's that blind!"

Lenalee wrapped her arms around me as I shudder, tears streaming down my cheeks.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,

The only thing that keeps me wishing on the wishing star.

He's the song in the car.

I keep singing; don't know why I do.

I sit in the field outside the Order. Fireflies light up around me as they danced, pranced, and glowed, and I smile at their beauty. They didn't have to fall in love. They didn't have to watch the person they love kiss another person with a burning passion and then act like it didn't bother them in the least, smiling, acting, and pretending to be happy for the couple. My heart ached when I thought about it.

I spent so much time alone thinking about it now that I had even given deep thought on what was happening to me. Every time Kanda kissed Lavi, a thorn the size of a peanut M&M was shoved into my heart. I had plenty of those. Then, when Kanda mentioned having sex with the redhead, all of those thorns came out and connected to a briar before they lodged themselves back in. And for the finale, blood oozes from around the thorns and courses through my veins in anger. It wasn't a pretty picture, but it was how I felt.

My eyes wandered to the North Star, and I say, "One wish. I just have one wish. If I can't have Kanda, don't give him to anyone else."

Drew walks by me.

Can he tell that I can't breathe?

And there he goes so perfectly,

The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

Kanda rolls his eyes. "And why would I do that?"

"Because I asked nicely?" I say hopefully. "I just want to learn it, and you're the only one who can do it right!"

"There's a reason for that. Moyashi like you can't learn such a complex move."

I frown, stepping in front of him. "I lost my arm and got it back. I saved you, Lavi, Chaoji, and Krory in the Ark. I stood my ground in a fight against Tyki and the Earl. Mind repeating your last comment?"

He smirks. "Getting you worked up is the most amusing pastime anyone could hope for."

"Kanda!" I growl as he walks past me and into the training room.

"Watch carefully. I'll demonstrate once and then teach you," Kanda said, laying his exorcist jacket and Mugen against the wall, and I follow him. He moves to the center of the room, taking a breath before he begins the movement I wanted him to teach me.

In less than ten seconds, the bluenette ducks, back flips, sweeps the feet of an invisible enemy, turns, and easily kicks straight up, his foot going higher than his head before he lands in a crouched position.

"Where did you learn to do that?" I ask in awe.

"You know anything about hip-hop?"

"Hip-hop dancing?"

He rolls his eyes. "No, cooking. Jerry does it all the time. Of course, dancing."

Sticking my tongue out at him, I say, "No need to be rude! And I've seen competitions before."

"Close enough. I used to dance when I was younger and I made my own battle techniques using some dance moves I already knew."

"What?!" I exclaim. "You're joking!"

"No, I'm not. Several years of experience, actually. It was something Tiedoll thought helped with training, and he made Marie, Daisya, and me take a class together."

"Marie and Daisya, too?"

"They failed though. To this day, Marie hates 'Lose Control' by Missy Elliot."

"That's so cool! I want to see you dance!"

He scoffs. "You'll see the day you catch me break dancing in the cafeteria."

I sigh in disappointment, but begin mimicking his movements regardless.

She better hold him tight,

Give him all her love.

Look in those beautiful eyes,

And know she's lucky cause….

I quietly eat in the corner and watch Kanda and Lavi as they ate and conversed.

It was pointless to do this, to sit and long to be with Kanda in place of the redhead, but that didn't stop me from doing it. All I could do was use my perfect telepathy skills to threaten Lavi. Not like threaten to kill him or beat him if he doesn't breakup with Kanda this instant. No, nothing like that. I wasn't the type of person to say, "Well, if I can't have him, no one can!" Sure, I asked for that to be the case because it hurt so much, but I wasn't going to let anyone know that. I wanted Kanda to be happy, even if that meant my happiness was sacrificed in the process.

No, I just wanted to make sure Lavi loved him. If I can't nuzzle into his chest at night, I want Lavi to do it for me. He needs to tell Kanda that he loves him in Japanese every night, that way the bluenette knows there was thought behind it, even if Lavi doesn't say it perfectly. When he comes back from mission, the first thing he needs to do is find Kanda and give him a long kiss before he says that he's back, that way the samurai will roll his eyes and call him a Baka Usagi. In the mornings, the redhead needs to get up extra, extra early so he can get the first cup of green tea and bring it back to Kanda, that way he's not in too bad of a mood.

And then, when they sit in the cafeteria just talking like they are now, Lavi needs to realize how lucky he is to have someone like Kanda. Kanda and his long hair. Kanda and his sarcasm. Kanda and his ragged past. But mostly, Kanda and his beautiful, cobalt eyes, the orbs filled with emotions waiting to be uncovered and revived.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.

The only thing that keeps me wishing on the wishing star.

He's the song in the car.

I keep singing; don't know why I do.

Come on, just say it! How hard is 'I love you, Kanda?'

"What, Moyashi?" Kanda asked. After a moment, I glue a smile to my face. "Nothing, I just remembered that I need to meet up with Lenalee. Bye!"

With that, I leave the confused bluenette and dart to my room with wings on my feet. When my door shuts, I slide to the floor, my head in my hands. Maybe today wasn't the day. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will most definitely admit my feelings to Kanda.

And I've been telling myself that for the past three weeks. On the bright side though, this was the closest I'd gotten.

What was I even trying to achieve? Do I think that Kanda will leave Lavi for me? As if. He would never do that. I'm just the Moyashi after all. The annoying brat in the corner that eats too much and jumps into danger if someone's the slightest bit at risk. He doesn't see me as a boyfriend. Heck, I'm not sure if he even sees me as a friend.

And if Kanda does leave Lavi for me? Lavi would hate me. We'd never be friends again. But again, Kanda wouldn't do that, so I would just be even more miserable than I am now, if that's possible.

So I drive home alone.

As I turn out the light,

I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight.

Sighing, I flip the light switch. Had it always been that simple? The concept, I mean? Kanda will never date me. So why was I trying? I remember when I first realized my feelings for him. Our shoulders brushed, and I felt electricity surge through me, as if Kanda was a battery and I was the paperclip touching both ends. After that, I started trying to impress him. I invited him to train with me, but every time I tried something complicated, I ended up on my back or arse. Of course, he would laugh at me, actually laugh, so it was totally worth it if I got to hear that sweet sound.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,

The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart.

He's the song in the car.

I keep singing; don't know why I do.

He's the time.

Take it now,

But it's never enough,

And he's all I need to fall into.

"Kanda?" I ask, eating a piece of mitarashi dango. He doesn't look up from his soba. "What?"

"What would you do if Lavi started dating someone else?" I ask. He glances up at that, raising an eyebrow at me, and asks, "First, do you mean cheating or we never dated? Second, why do you ask?"

I shift uncomfortably. "Never dated, and I'm curious."

He shrugs. "There would be nothing I could do about it. Sure, I could get mad, never talk to him again, but that wouldn't help anything. If it made me uncomfortable, I'd stay away from him, but it shouldn't have to be that way."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that love is the worst and best thing in the world. It can create and destroy. Uplift spirits and then sink them right back down. But even though it's tricky, that doesn't mean it has to affect me negatively. I may be upset, but there's no reason for me to dwell on that if Lavi's happy."

I consider this.

Drew looks at me.

I fake a smile so he won't see.

"Allen? You okay?" Lavi asked. I'm pulled from my memories, remembering that I was still sitting across from Kanda and his boyfriend.

Smiling, I say, "Yeah, I'm fine. What were you saying?"