Chapter 19

Addy used her good right arm to put the last of the bandaged on Jo's wound as Ellen, Sam, and Dean talked in hushed voices behind her.

"Alright that's it," Addy said, securing the ace bandage and she grimaced," Sorry."

"Addy you need to get Dean to patch up your arm," Jo said," It's still bleeding."

Addy looked down to see blood dripping from her shirt onto the floor. She hadn't looked at how bad it was and she insisted she take care of Jo before anyone could even touch her.

"I'm fine," she said, lying through her gritted teeth. It hurt so badly and she had to fight to keep tears back as she bit her lip.

"Addy," Jo said gently and she looked to her," You've lost too much blood. I'm fine for now. Go get the taken care of."

Addy stared at Jo. She was pale and loosing color by the second. Her eyes were sunken and her voice was small. Her arm wasn't what was making her want to cry.

"Jo, it's gonna be okay," she said softly.

"Ads," Jo said and let out a chuckle that turned into a cough," Stop worrying. Go get your arm fixed."

"Ellen," Addy said over her shoulder and she came to her.

"Addy you're bleeding all over the floor," Ellen said in a motherly tone and helped her up. The room spun and she swayed as Ellen held her up.

"Stop taking care of everybody else," Ellen said and took a look at her arm. She immediately looked away.

"Is it bad?" Addy whispered to her.

"You'll be fine," Ellen lied," Sam, some help here, please?"

He led her over to the medical supplies as she heard Dean talking to Bobby on the radio.

"Addy, it's still bleeding."

"I know," she replied as he gently peeled away the shredded fabric from her arm to reveal two long,deep gashes on her forearm," I think it might have hit an artery or something."

Sam was silent as he stared at her mangled arm.

"Sam?" she asked and looked down to her arm for the first time. She gasped and looked away.

"Hey," he said, making her look at him gently," You'll be fine."

Addy looked to Jo," But she won't."

"Don't talk like that," he said and she took a deep, shaky breath," Addy…"

"I can't even heal her," she whispered," I can't save here. I can't even use a gun right now. I can barely move this arm and without my powers…I can't save any of you."

"You won't have to," he said and took the out gauze from the first aid kit. He moved her sleeve aside and began wrapping the bandage around it. She bit her lip to keep from making a sound. He was being as gentle as possible but it didn't help.

He finished and she gave him a grateful smile, "When we get out of here we'll patch it up again."

She nodded thanks and went over to Dean as he finished talking to Bobby over the CV.

"What'd he say?" she asked, holding her arm to her side by the wrist.

"Addy your arm's not getting any better," he said as blood seeped through the recently wrapped bandages.

"I don't care," she said with determined eyes.

"Okay," Dean said, fighting his instinct to make sure she was alright," We got a lock on Lucifer."

"Where?" she asked, glancing back at Jo who Ellen cradled in her arms and Sam joined them.

"A farm," he answered, glancing at his brother, "Now we know where the devil's gonna be, we know when, and we have the Colt."

"Yeah. We just have to get past eight or so hellhounds and get to the farm by midnight," Sam said skeptically.

"Yeah, and that's after we get Jo and Ellen the hell out of town," Dean added.

"Doesn't matter," Addy said, looking between them, "She comes first."

"Won't be easy," Sam said.

"I don't give a fuck about easy," she whispered, fire in her eyes, "If she doesn't go than I don't."

"Stop. Guys…" Jo said and they turned back to her, "Addy just stop. We need to be realistic. I can't move my legs. I can't be moved. My guts are being held in by an ace bandage. We gotta get our priorities straight here."

"You are the priority," Addy said, dropping to her knees in front of Jo, "We're getting you out of here."

"Number one, I'm not going anywhere," she said as Addy shook her head furiously.

"Joanna Beth, you stop talking like that," Ellen ordered, teary eyed.

"Mom. I can't fight. I can't walk. But I can do something. We got propane, wiring, rock salt, iron nails, everything we need for a bomb," she said weakly.

"No," Addy whispered, "Just no. It's one thing to leave you here. It's another thing to let you blow yourself up."

"Addy's right," Dean said, "It ain't gonna happen."

"You got another plan? You got any other plan? Those are hellhounds out there, Dean," she said, looking up at him," They've got all of our scents. Those bitches will never stop coming after you. We let the dogs in, you guys hit the roof, make a break for the building next over. I can wait here with my finger on the button, rip those mutts a new one. Or at least get you a few minutes' head start, anyway."

"We won't let you," Addy said, looking to Ellen for support.

"This is why we're here, right?" she asked, looking between them, "If I can get us a shot on the devil…Addy you have to take it."

"Jo I don't give a damn what happens to me as long as you're alive," she said, grasping her hand with her good arm, "We'll get you out of here and I'll heal you."

Jo shook her head, "I've made my decision, Ads. I'm not changing my mind."

"Jo please," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," she said back, weakly gripping her hand as Ellen sobbed out," No. I won't let you."

"Mom. This might literally be your last chance to treat me like an adult. Might wanna take it?" she whispered and gave them both a smile.

Ellen cried harder and Addy knew she was the only person who could stop this. She turned to Sam and Dean and said, "You heard her. Get to work."

"No," Addy said, a sob finally escaping from her throat as tears finally fell and she looked to Ellen, "You can't let her do this. You can't."

Ellen hauled her up as she cried and looked to the brothers, "I said get to work boys."

Addy cried openly as Ellen gently grasped her shoulder, "Little girl you look at me."

She shook her head as she tried to get herself back together.

"Look at me right now," she ordered and slowly Addy looked up at her as her breath trembled, "Now I know you are better than this so you pull yourself together and you accept this. You need to fight Lucifer and you need to be better than this."

"You can't ask me to do that, Ellen," she whispered as the older woman gently wiped away her tears.

"You can and you will," she whispered and Addy looked back to Jo who gave her a reassuring nod.

SUPERNATURAL

Addy sat with Jo's head on her uninjured shoulder and a blank look on her face as Sam and Dean wired up the bomb. Dean trailed the wire to Jo and handed her the trigger.

"Time to go, Ads," Jo said softly and the two women looked at each other.

"Jo, I promise you I'll make this right," she whispered to her, "I'm gonna make sure that son of a bitch gets a bullet between the eyes."

"Shoot straight," Jo said with a weak smile and added, "Bye Ads."

Addy helped her sit back up with difficulty, "Bye Jo."

No other words were needed as she met eyes with Ellen. She could see what she was going to do. Addy knew the woman and she knew her daughter was everything to her. If Jo was going down than Ellen was going with her.

Dean helped her up and she went over to Sam who gave her a small, reassuring smile.

"Okay, this is it. I'll see you on the other side. Probably sooner than later," Dean said with a small chuckle to Jo.

"Make it later," she said with a smile and glanced at Addy, "You got a girl to take care of."

"That obvious, huh?" he asked sadly.

"Never thought I'd see Dean Winchester so whipped," she said with a smirk, "but I mean it. Take care of her."

"I will," he said and grasped her hand in his and kissed her forehead, "Goodbye Jo."

"Goodbye, Dean," she said as he got up and Ellen took his place.

"Mom, no," Jo said, realizing what her mother was about to do.

"Somebody's gotta let them in. Like you said, you're not moving. You got me, Jo. And you're right, this is important. But I will not leave you here alone."

Dean glanced at Addy as she watched the two. She met his eyes and his jaw tightened at the emptiness they held.

"Get going now," Ellen ordered them as she came up to Addy and gave her one last hug, careful not to hurt her arm, "You shoot straight."

"Yes ma'am," she whispered.

"Don't you let this get you down," Ellen said when she pulled away, "Promise me?"

Addy nodded.

"Say it," Ellen ordered.

She swallowed heavily and said, "I promise."

They head for the exit, Sam and Dean going first but she stops and takes one last look at them before taking off after them.

She follows them across fire escape and Dean has to help her down the ladder because of her arm. As they hurry down the alley, she swore she could hear growling coming from the building. They made it to the other side of the street when the building went up in flames that leapt from every entrance.

They stopped to stare and Dean had to tear her away before she could turn and run again.

SUPERNATURAL

Addy follows behind Dean with Sam following her through the cover of the foliage on the field. As they got closer, the scene became clear. There was Lucifer digging a hole in the middle of the field with men standing perfectly still.

"Guess we know what happened to some of the townspeople," Dean mumbled and they looked between each other.

"Okay," Sam said with finality.

"Okay," Dean repeated.

"Guys in case this goes south," Addy whispered without looking at them, "I want you both to know that you're pains in my ass and it's been one hell of a ride."

"I think that pretty much sums it up for me," Dean said, slowly taking her hand and giving it a squeeze, "What about you Sammy?"

"Same here," he said and they all looked between each other.

"Here goes nothing," Dean said and they stepped out, walking towards him.

"Hey!" Addy yelled, getting Lucifer's attention and pointed the Colt at him, "Heard you were looking for me."

He turned to her and smiled as he dropped his shovel, "We meet in person. Not too thrilled about the gun, but we can work out your anger issues."

He descended the hill and stood just a foot in front of her as Sam and Dean stood back, ready for anything.

"I like my anger issues," she said and pointed it right at his head. Without hesitation, she pulled the trigger and his head jerked back as he fell to the ground with a thud. She gasped and dropped then gun back to her side as she stared down at his body. A second later Lucifer sprang back up with a gasp and his bullet wound healed.

Dean pulled her back as she stared in shock and he stood in front of her as Lucifer stood on his feet, "Ow. That wasn't very nice."

He gives Dean a cursory look than rears back and punches him sending him flying into a tree. Addy looks from him back to Lucifer as nothing stands between them now.

"Now, where were we?" he asked, looking between her and Sam's horrified expressions, "Don't feel too bad, Sam. There's only five things in all of creation that that gun can't kill, and I just happen to be one of them. But if you give me a minute, I'm almost done."

He picked up his shovel again and began digging. Sam ran to Dean to check his pulse as Addy stood frozen. It was all hitting her at once. They failed. Lucifer couldn't be killed. Jo and Ellen had died for nothing.

"Addy," Sam calls, pulling her out of her trance and she ran to him, dropping to her kneed and shifting Dean's head into her lap.

Lucifer stops digging and leans on the shovel, "You know, I don't suppose you two would just say yes here and now? End this whole tiresome discussion? That's crazy, right?"

Sam stood up and set with fury for both of them, "It's never gonna happen!"

Addy gently held Dean's face in her hands as she stared down at him.

"Oh, I don't know, Sam. I think it will. I think it'll happen soon. Within six months. And I think it'll happen in Detroit," he continued casually.

"You listen to me, you son of a bitch. I'm gonna kill you myself, you understand me? I'm going to rip your heart out!" Sam roared at him.

"That's good, Sam. You keep fanning that fire in your belly. All that pent-up rage. I'm gonna need it," he said and looked to Addy who still had her full attention on Dean, "What about you Addy? Ready to give in. I see how tired you are. Maybe it's time you took a rest and finally gave into all that Dark."

She didn't answer as she continued to hold Dean like he was her lifeline.

"Come on little rose," he said as Sam looked to her, "Give it up. Join the fun side."

"Never," she yelled at him, finally meeting his gaze, "I will never join you. I'd sooner kill myself."

"You do that," he said with a wink, "I'll just bring you back."

"What did you do to this town?" Sam asked, looking at the robotic stares of the men.

"Oh, I was very generous with this town. One demon for every able-bodied man," he said as if he'd spared them.

"What about the rest?" Addy asked with pure hatred, "What about them?"

"In there," he said, gesturing to the hole in the ground and bile rose in her throat," I know, it's awful, but these horsemen are so demanding. So it was women and children first. I know what you must think of me, Sam. But I have to do this. I have to. Sam, you of all people should understand."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked in disgust.

"I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar? Anyway. You'll have to excuse me. Midnight is calling and I have a ritual to finish. Don't go anywhere. Not that you could if you would."

"Now repeat after me," Lucifer said, turning to his demons," We offer up our lives, blood, souls to complete this tribute."

Dean stirs in Addy's lap as the demons begin to chant and Sam comes back to them. She looks up at him with wide, terrified eyes.

One by one the demons fall to the ground, dead. Dean opens his eyes and she's the first thing he sees. He's not looking at him, she's looking at Lucifer.

"What? They're just demons," he said with a shrug.

"Addy," Dean says, barely above a whisper but she hears him and she looks down at him as the ground rumbles.

"It's okay," she whispers, gently stroking his face as Sam drops to his knees as well and Dean sits up. They hear rustling and turn to see Cas hiding in the brush. He puts his finger over his lips as a signal to keep quiet and when Lucifer looks back they're all gone. It's no matter though because he has what he really came for.

"Oh, hello, Death."

SUPERNATURAL

Addy sat near the roaring fire as Dean sewed the needle through her arm again. She doesn't even flinch as it pierces her skin. In fact, she doesn't even blink. She just stares at nothing with a blank look. He pulls it through the second gash one last time and cuts the thread.

Sam walks in with Bobby rolling behind him. He looks at the picture they'd taken earlier and then tosses it into the fire.

"All done," Dean said and began wrapping gauze around it slowly and precisely, "Addy, you could heal this in minutes."

It took her a long time to respond, "I don't want it to heal."

He swallowed thickly and kept his attention on her arm as he casually asked, "Why not?"

"Because then there won't be a scar," she answered darkly and all three men looked at her as she kept staring at nothing, "I want this to be a reminder. Every time I look at it I want to remember what happened. I want to remember and I want it to make me angry."

They stayed silent as he continued wrapping her arm.

"You were right, Dean," she said, still not looking at him, "I should have prepared myself."

"Addy, it doesn't matter what happened-" Sam began.

She chuckled darkly and stood up when Dean was finished, looking down at the fire she repeated his words, "It doesn't matter…we lost Jo and Ellen. The Colt doesn't work on him. He won. Lucifer won. We've got nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"You promised Ellen," Sam said sadly, "You said you wouldn't let this get to you."

"She's dead," she whispered to him.

"You promised me you wouldn't go back to this," Dean said and the quiet made every noise sound that much louder.

She turned, looked him dead in the eye and said, "I lied."

She looked back at the fire and watched as the last of the photograph burned away. She waved her hand and the fire went out, a cold filling the room that matched what she felt.

Without another word, she pushed past them and made her way outside. She walked through the junkyard until she couldn't walk anymore.

Then she put her hands on her head, took a deep breath and let out a guttural, angry scream. Glass from the cars shattered into fine pieces around her as she let go a burst of her power. The scream died in her throat as she ran out of breath and warped itself into a sob as tears fell down her cheeks. She covered her mouth with her hand to keep it in and then she realized she didn't want to. She fell to her knees and looked up at the night sky as she cried.

An eternity ago she'd been looking up at this same sky with Dean, lying on the Impala in his arms and telling him that no one was going to die and they were going to win. Now, she looked up at it and it mocked her. It was a reminder of how wrong she'd been and how stupid it was to have hope.

Now she didn't have hope. She didn't have anything good in her anymore. All she had was pain. She curled into herself as her loud whimpers continued to escape and a second later she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and pull her in. She didn't have to look to know it was Dean. She leaned into him and let him hold her and gently stroke her hair as her hot tears fell into his t-shirt clad chest.

He shushed her gently and the tears didn't stop as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Let it out," Dean whispered gently, "It's okay."

For some reason that made her cry harder. She was letting it out. This wasn't just about Jo and Ellen. It was about everyone she'd lost. This was about Sam and the demon blood and Ruby. This was about Bobby and how he'd lost his legs for them. It was about her connection to Lilith. It was about Lucifer's determination to have her. It was about how even though Dean was holding her now when he could have easily walked away, she still couldn't tell him how she felt because she was too afraid.

Worst of all, it was about the deep dark abyss of a hole in her. When she died, she had wanted to stay that way but in a way she had. A part of her died that night. A part of her was rotting away in that church. A part of her was gone and she couldn't get it back. She was broken and not even Dean could fix her.

No one could.