Warning: This story is rated T for shounen-ai/yaoi.

Summary: Kanda and Allen have been dating for years. Kanda doesn't understand how he could've let someone in, but then he realizes why. Allen is like finally coming home, standing in the rain, and staring at the sun. The song Kanda sings is "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM, the characters, or the songs in the fanfiction.

Staring at the Sun

Original Song: "Staring at the Sun" by Jason Aldean

She's like staring at the sun.

She could easily blind someone.

I sit alone in the back of the cafeteria like I always do, eating my soba. But that's when Allen comes in. He sets his mountain of food on the table and sits beside me. "Why are you sitting back here alone, Yuu? Lavi and Lenalee are in here, too."

"Don't call me that in public!" I hiss. "And why would I sit with them? They're annoyances."

At that, Allen frowns. "They're your friends, and you need to stop acting like humanity doesn't exist."

"Che," I mutter and return to my soba.

"Please, Yuu?"

I roll my eyes, but finally give in. "You can bring them over here. I'm not moving."

"Thank you!" he exclaims and wraps his arms around me. Immediately, I shove him off of me, but he continues to beam. As he retrieves the couple, I set down my chopsticks and place my chin on my fist while I watch the cute boy run across the cafeteria. True, he can be sexy and dominating, but at times like this, he's just adorable, and I've never been able to comprehend why I chose such a person to fall in love with.

Allen tells Lenalee and Lavi where I was sitting and turns back, a bright smile on his face. Geez, the boy was going to blind someone if he keeps smiling like that.

Lavi and Lenalee sit across from us and begin to chatter like song birds, only song birds sound better. My boyfriend begins to inhale his food, most of it gone within a few minute, and I glance at him when he sticks a piece of strawberry shortcake in his mouth and chuckle when a dab of whipped cream gets on the end of his nose. Lenalee and the rabbit break out laughing, and Allen stops. "What?"

"Moyashi," I murmur before I lick the whipped cream off his nose. He blushes furiously. "What was that for?"

I smirk. "You had some whipped cream on your nose."

He blushes ever harder, but says nothing. Lenalee and Lavi were silent for once as they gape at me. I ignore them. While I may not be one for PDA, sometimes the Moyashi is just too cute, and I can't help myself. After a moment, I realize that Allen was beaming so brightly that it hurt my eyes. I raise an eyebrow at him. "Huh, like staring at the sun."

"Did you say something?" he asked, glancing up from his mitarashi dango. I shake my head and turn back to my soba.

Other women, I see none.

She's like staring at the sun.

"You know, Jerry prepares drinks on Fridays. We could go together sometimes," a finder girl said hopefully. I raise an eyebrow at her. "Why would I do that?"

The blonde smiled. "We could always go back to your room afterward. Tequila makes me horny."

I see Allen spying on us from behind one of the stone pillars. Does he think that I'm seriously going to sleep with her? Scoffing, I say, "Tempting offer, but I'll pass."

This time, the girl pressed herself against me. "Are you sure? We can skip the drinks if you want. I'm free."

"Yeah, but I'm taken."

She pulls away, pouting. "Who? It's Lenalee, isn't it? Is she your girlfriend?"

I shake my head. "I don't have a girlfriend; I have a boyfriend."

"What? Who then? Tell me!"

I point behind her. "It's the Baka Moyashi hiding behind the pillar over there."

Allen's eyes widen and he hides quickly.

"Allen Walker? Why him?"

"Why not him?"

"You hate him!"

"I've long since figured out that it's the opposite. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a Moyashi to punish."

I walk around the finder girl, who stomped away, and I move to the pillar. Allen glanced at me. "Are you mad that I was eavesdropping?"

I shrug. "Not really. It's not like the hallway is private property, but I'm slightly disappointed that you thought I would cheat on you."

"I didn't! Really! I mean, when you overhear that kind of conversation, it's not something you just walk away from," he whimpers, looking down.

"That's why I'm not mad," I say, wrapping my arms around his waist. "But it's getting late. Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?"

His eyes light up like the Fourth of July, and he nods. "Please!"

Rolling my eyes at how much meaning he was putting into this, I begin to lead him towards my room. Granted, it was rare that I ever let him sleep in my room unless sex was involved, and even then, I didn't like him being there. It's not that I don't like being with him, because I do, but Allen is a very curious person. He doesn't know anything about my past, and I plan to keep it that way.

She gets a hold you,

Under your skin like a tattoo.

She'll always be there.

When we get to my room, I sit on the bed while Allen stands closer to the doorway, shifting his weight uncomfortably. I roll my eyes. "Are you waiting for permission?"

He shakes his head, but doesn't move, and I continue, "Then what?"

"I just…I'm not in the mood…."

"Who said anything about sex?"

Allen paused and blushed, but after a moment, he sits beside me. "Then what do you want to do?"

"I plan to shower then sleep. You can use my shower if you want."

He smiled. "What if we just take one together?"

Now I blushed. "W-why would I do that?"

"We've taken showers together before."

"After sex, yeah, but not just for the heck of it!" I turn my head to the side. Why did he always get under my skin? And he can only get me like this when he's dominant during sex.

Allen moves my chin so that I had to look at him, and he gently presses his lips to mine. My thought was to push him away, but I knew he would do one of two things. One, he'd get upset and pout until I gave in. Or two, he'd just keep trying until I gave in. So I simply wrap my arms around his neck and open my mouth. Our tongues battle for dominance, but no one wins, which is normal. Neither of us likes to lose to each other, but that became a problem when we had sex for the first time. We were both virgins and didn't have any experience. Sure, we had the general idea, but we didn't know exactly what we were supposed to do. Allen was afraid that if he was seme, he would hurt me, but he didn't want to be uke either. The whitette and I managed to talk it out, and we decided that if we were going to be intimate like that, it shouldn't matter, so being the one who can stand more pain, I was uke. The next night, I was seme, and since then, we just switched back and forth depending on our moods.

Allen pulls away first, but I keep my arms around his neck while his stay around my waist, his fingers twirling the ends of my hair. After a moment, I say, "Fine, but don't start acting like a romantic. You know I hate it when you do."

He rolls his eyes. "No, you just say you do. I've known you long enough to know your reactions and what you like and dislike."

"Which is the problem," I mutter. He just smiles, kissing my cheek before he detaches himself from me and goes to turn on the shower.

She holds on,

Stuck in your head like an old song.

She ain't goin' nowhere.

"Wow, Yuu, I didn't know you listened to music," Allen said as I dug out my iPod. I shrug. "The rabbit got it for me for my birthday several years ago with a playlist already on it. I listen to it every now and then."

I don't tell him that the reason I got it out was for him, but I think he already knows. As much he doesn't seem to be the sort, he loves music. Truly, it doesn't matter what type or genre it is. If it's music, he listens to it. When our relationship first started, I wanted to go somewhere quiet, like the forest, to be together. He didn't mind that, but he always wanted us to be talking. It began to annoy me, and when I finally told him to be quiet, he did, but he immediately lost his light and effervescence. His face went from cheerful to downcast and his shoulders drooped. Against my better judgment, I asked what was wrong, and he told me that he hates silence. Period.

I can't say I understand, but I think that over everything, Allen fears being alone the most. When we're together and I'm not in a talkative mood, as if I ever am, I pick a noisy place or play music. It works well enough.

When we get in the shower, the first thing Allen asks is, "Can I wash your hair?"

"No."

"But―!"

"No."

"Yuu…" he whimpers as I wet my hair under the showerhead. I say, "You know I don't like people touching my hair."

I move switch our positions so that I could shampoo, but I'm met with wide, watering eyes, and their owner says, "So you'll let me lick every part of you, head to toe, but I can't wash your hair because when it comes to that, I'm just any other person?"

"You have trichophilia."

"So what if I do? Does the idea of me getting aroused because of your hair disgust you?"

I didn't think he'd admit it. "No, but I just don't want you washing my hair."

"I know it's not because you don't like people touching it. Give me a real reason."

I turn around and pull my hair over my shoulder, running my fingers through it. This is another reason I don't like Allen. I mean, it's not that I don't like him, but he pays too much attention to me. I like feeling like he understands me and wants to get closer and everything, but sometimes he breaks through that barrier around me. That bugs me.

Suddenly, I feel arms wrap around my waist, and Allen puts his cheek to my shoulder blade as he whispers, "I get it."

"What?"

I feel his lips turn up slightly. "It's because in your mind, as many twists and turns as there are, me washing your hair is something even more intimate than sex, right? It's almost like your virginity."

"Seriously? My hair has virginity?"

"Stop acting like I'm wrong," he says. Sighing, I mutter, "You annoy me."

"But you love me for it."

Again, with him getting under my skin. Allen turns me around, looking in my eyes, and I'm caught in the radiantly silver orbs as he says, "Are you afraid that if you open that to me, I'm going to leave or something?"

"One, I'm not afraid of anything. Two, why would I think that?"

He smiles. "You're a liar."

I don't reply and look away. Why did he have to be right? It's not that I think he'll leave me, but he was spot on with my…uh…hair's virginity. Of course, then he has to continue being right. "I know what it means in Japan to kiss a girl's hair."

"I'm not a girl!" I growl, narrowing my eyes at him. He just laughs. "I know you're not! Now stop changing the subject. It's that, isn't it?"

I look away again.

"I tell you that I love you all the time. Why is washing your hair any different?"

"It just is," I mutter. Anyone can say 'I love you.' I'm not sure why, but I felt like if Allen was going to do something to prove it, he should put up a fight. I've never been one to show him I care blatantly. I do little things, like choosing places he'll be comfortable if we're together. If he wants to, I'll try new things in bed, even if they don't seem like good ideas, and do them again if they make him happy. He knows that and he also knows that I don't like to talk about it. Even though I don't like it, I'll do things to show off our relationship, like licking whipped cream off his nose in the cafeteria or not making a big deal out of him calling me by my given name in public, though I sometimes do if the rabbit is around.

And there he goes, reading my body language like an expert. "Yuu, stop it and let me wash your hair. You won't win this fight."

I don't reply, and he runs his fingers through the tresses that were stuck to my chest. "I want to play with your hair outside of the bedroom."

He turns me again and pulls my hair off my shoulder, and I don't object. He moves the locks for a moment to kiss my neck. "I was slightly worried that you really thought that I was going to leave. I'm not going anywhere."

It takes several minutes, but by the time Allen's conditioning my hair, I say quietly, "I know that. Neither am I."

She's like standing in the rain.

Washes all my cares away.

At the end of a long hot day,

She's like standing in the rain.

"How did your mission go?" Allen asked as I fell back on the bed. He watched at me from his bathroom door. "That bad, huh?"

I sigh. "Not bad, just tiring."

Allen disappears for a moment, but even after I close my eyes, I feel the bed sink under his weight before something cold is pressed to my cheek. It wasn't ice cold, just enough to cool and relax me. A wet washcloth.

"What are you doing, Moyashi?" I ask.

"Babying my boyfriend. Is there a problem with that?" he asks in reply, moving the cloth over my face, and I gradually feel myself relax. "You're much more attractive when you don't look constipated."

I crack one eye open to look at him. "Excuse me? And did you say you were 'babying me?'"

He beams. "That I did. I, Allen Walker, am babying my boyfriend, Kanda Yuu."

I don't reply, allowing him to continue down my neck, and after a moment, he begins to remove my jacket and shirt. When he finally gets them open, not off because I didn't feel like sitting up, he massages my shoulders, the washcloth spread out over my abs, and he comments, "You would never have let me do this a few months ago."

I scoff and let my head loll to the side. "I wouldn't let you do it now if I wasn't so tired."

"Come on, you know I give good massages."

"Doesn't mean I'll accept them."

"Yeah, because you don't want to do something in return."

"But I will."

"Like?"

"What do you want?"

Allen thinks for a moment, but his hands just begin down my biceps, and I groan quietly, the tension melting away under his skilled fingers. Eventually, he says, "Will you tell me you love me?"

My breath hitches, and I glare at him. His eyes are openly pleading, but I mutter, "No."

His face had a "well, it was worth a shot" expression, and he continues to work the knots from my body.

That night, actually only a few hours later, Allen lied with his back to me, a pillow crushed in his grasp. It wasn't that late, and I knew he was still upset, which didn't surprise me in the least.

"Allen," I say as I sit up.

"What?" he mutters. I gently pull the pillow from his grip and stand from the bed. "Get up. I want to repay you."

He gives me a confused look, and I stretch my hand out toward him, which I think scared him because I'm never like this. Taking my hand, he hesitantly stands, and I pull him to me. "You know how to slow dance, right?"

He nods. "Yeah, but it's the middle of the night."

"That's the point," I say as we begin to take small steps. I may seriously regret this in the morning, or the rest of my life, but regardless, I begin to sing, "Dancing in the dark. Middle of the night. Taking your heart and holding it tight. Emotional touch, touching my skin, and asking you to do what you've been doing all over again. Oh, it's a beautiful thing. Don't think I can keep it all in. I just gotta let you what it is that won't let me go.

"It's your love. It just something to me. It sends a shock right through me. I can't get enough. And if you wonder about the spell I'm under. Oh, it's your love."

Tears leaked from Allen's eyes as we danced, and I continue, "Better than I was. More than I am. And all of this happened by taking your hand. Who I am now is who I wanted to be, and now that we're together, I'm stronger than ever. I'm happy and free. Oh, it's a beautiful thing. Don't think I can keep it all in. And if you asked me why I've changed, all I gotta doing is say your sweet name.

"It's your love. It just something to me. It sends a shock right through me. I can't get enough. And if you wonder about the spell I'm under. Oh, it's your love.

"Oh, it's a beautiful thing. Don't think I can keep it all in. I just gotta let you what it is that won't let me go.

"It's your love. It just something to me. It sends a shock right through me. I can't get enough. And if you wonder about the spell I'm under. Oh, it's your love. It's your love. It's your love."

I stop singing and hold Allen close to me as he cries. When he finally looks up, even in the dark I can see the gleams in his eyes from his tears, and he asks, "Did…did you m-mean that? A-all of it?"

I nod and kiss his tears away, but more follow.

She gets a hold you,

Under your skin like a tattoo.

She'll always be there.

She holds on,

Stuck in your head like an old song.

She ain't goin' nowhere.

Ever since that night, Allen has been even happier and clingier than before. Of course, I only have myself to blame for that, but I can't say that I didn't expect this to happen. And besides, having my Moyashi glued to my side throughout the day wasn't that bad.

Allen and I sit across from Lenalee and Lavi, but my boyfriend forgot his mitarashi dango, which apparently is the end of the world, and dashed off to get them. Lenalee looks at me questioningly. "What happened to him? Since you got back from Mongolia, he's looked so much brighter."

Lavi rolls his eyes. "I think it's obvious what happened. Yuu let Allen be seme for once."

"Don't call me that!" I growl. "And if you must know, Baka Usagi, Allen and I are both seke. I did something…romantic, if that's what you want to call it, that night, and he's just happy."

"Wow, it must have been something really sweet if it's lasted three weeks," Lenalee says as Allen sits again with three orders of mitarashi dango. Lavi tilts his head in confusion. "What's a seke? I've never heard that term."

Allen glances at me. "Seke?"

"Clueless morons, seke is a mix between seme and uke," I mutter in irritation. The whitette stares at me. "You were discussing our sex life?"

"He thought you were happy because I let you be seme for the first time."

"Oh, no, I was seme the fir―"

I quickly clap my hand over his mouth, but the damage was already done, and Lavi had eyes the size of ceiling fans. "Seriously? Allen topped you the first time?"

"I'm not going to limit the amount of pleasure we can give each other just because I don't want to be uke."

Allen nods. "Let me add to that. We argued for an hour about who would be seme."

"Which isn't that surprising," Lenalee says.

"And he can be dominant while be uke sometimes, which kind of scares me. I can't speak in that position," he continues. Lavi flicks his forehead. "He can keep himself collected because you aren't good in bed. Everyone knows that."

Allen looked hurt by the rabbit's statement, looking at me. "A-am I bad in bed? Tell me the truth."

I sigh and roll my eyes, but before I can reply, my Moyashi whimpers, "I can get better! Just tell me what to do, and I'll improve!"

The boy looked like he was on the verge of tears, and I say, "Moyashi, the Usagi was trying to provoke you so that I'll say you're good in bed."

"What?! Why would I do that?!" Lavi exclaims, but I simply glare at him. He shrugs. "Fine, I was. Now spill. Is Allen good in bed or not? Truthfully."

Allen looked at me expectantly, and I lean back in my chair, watching the redhead. "Sex god. He'd make anyone else scream until their throat was sore, but I have better self-control."

My boyfriend jumped up and put his hands on my thighs as he leaned towards me until our noses were only inches apart. "Really?! Y-you think I'm a sex god?!"

Instead of answering, I pull him down on my lap and clash our lips together, and a few whistles sounded from around the cafeteria. Of course, Allen was shocked that I was doing this in public, but he must not have cared too much because he slipped his arms around my neck and opened his mouth.

When we pull away, Allen pants, "Is that…a yes…?"

"Yes, and am I good in bed?" I ask, pressing the small of his back so he was pushed closer to me. He nods vigorously. "Definitely. If I'm a doctor then you run the hospital."

I smirk. "Prove it."

Lenalee quickly said, "No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Go to Kanda's room if you're going to do that!"

"Why not my room?" Allen asked, glancing at her. Her eyes widened. "My room is next to yours and I want to read later!"

"I vote your room," I say, and Allen nods.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

When I wake up, the bed is empty, and I sit straight up. "Moyashi?"

I let out a sigh as he opens the balcony door, cool air filling the room, and he asks, "Yeah?"

"Nothing," I say as I lay back down. The air warms slightly when the door closes, and I feel the bed sink down beside me.

"You seemed really freaked out," Allen said and draped an arm over me. I shake my head. "I wasn't."

"I don't believe you."

"And you annoy me."

"Yuu…."

"Just leave it!"

Allen pulled away and sat up, and I immediately felt guilty. Rolling over, I straighten and touched his arm, but he flinched, not looking at me. After a moment, I say, "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

The whitette quietly replies, "It's fine. I know you get like this sometimes after we have sex."

"I don't mean to…."

"I know that. Sometimes I just feel like you don't trust me with it."

"It's not that."

"Then what?" he asked and faced me. His eyes are filled with hurt and concern, and I look away. "Sometimes I wake up and think that you aren't here. It just…it scares me."

Allen pressed a small kiss to my cheek, and I whisper, "I'm always afraid that this was all a dream, a fantasy. Sometimes, at night, I'll wait to wake up, because having you is too good to be true."

"I'm real. I'm here and I'm not leaving," he says as he tucks some of my hair behind my ear.

She's like finally coming home,

And seeing that light in the window on.

After being gone too long….

When I walk into the training room, I see Allen and Lavi wrestling while Lenalee shakes her head. I can't help but chuckle at the sight because they were more or less laughing and batting their hands at one another like kids on a playground. Eventually though, they just fall over and laugh.

"I'm glad to see my Moyashi was well taken care of," I say as I lean against the wall. Allen's eyes lit up with an incredible radiance as he jumped up and barreled into me. "Yuu!"

"Miss me?" I ask with what little oxygen I could get while Allen tries to squeeze my lungs out my mouth. He nodded. "Yes! I'm so glad you're back!"

I roll my eyes. "I couldn't tell."

"Never, ever, ever, ever go on such a long mission ever again! Ever! Promise!"

"I can't help it, and it wasn't that long."

"Nine months is a long time!"

"I hardly kept up with the days."

Allen looked up at me, pouting. "S-so you didn't miss me?"

I kiss his cheek. "I didn't keep up with the days. I just knew that I wasn't with you."

He smiles and continues to crush me.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

Allen rolled his eyes. "See, I told you it wouldn't be too bad!"

"Bathtubs aren't made for two people unless it's a Jacuzzi, and this is not a Jacuzzi," I mutter, rubbing circles into his back as we lay in the bathtub. Well, I was lying in the bathtub. Allen was on top of me.

Allen smiled. "So? We just get to be closer!"

"Baka Moyashi."

"BaKanda."

Instead of starting an argument, I press my lips to his, but pull away before he can deepen it. Laying his cheek on my shoulder, Allen whispers, "I love you, and you don't have to say it back, but I just wanted to say it."

Gosh, was this boy cute! Sometimes. Sometimes he's sexy, and really sexy at that.

"I love you, too," I reply.

She's like finally coming home,

Standing in the rain,

Staring at the sun.