AN: So sorry for the MASSIVE LAG but I started grad school in September and it is not exactly a walk in the park. I haven't had time for much which means I dont know when the next update will come. Just enjoy and R&R! And please THANK BG-13!
Asami watched as the military woman buttoned up her shirt before tucking it in and reaching for her tie. They had arrived in the South Pole two days ago, going out into the city to explore and just enjoy themselves. Their arrival couldn't have been at a better time, seeing as there was a festival going on to celebrate the Tribe's independence from the North. The heiress could only remember attending once or twice given their school schedules when they were children and the brunette's military schedule. She could, however, recall how the younger woman would skip a week of school to celebrate with her people.
"Like what you see?" the Colonel asked as she finished doing her tie.
"Very much," Asami answered, getting up to help her with her military coat.
Korra grinned in response, giving her a quick kiss before holding out her arm to lead them out their room. The pair spotted the younger woman's father. It hadn't come as much of a surprise to the Southern Tribe couple to find out their daughter and her best friend were dating. They were glad she had finally decided to settle down but they couldn't help but worry. They both knew their child might not be completely ready for a relationship and had agreed one of then would talk to the heiress, just to make sure she'd keep an eye on the brunette.
"Korra, your mother is still in our bedroom," Tonraq said when the pair reached them. "Mind getting her for me?"
The military woman nodded, saluting her father before turning towards his study. He waited until she was a good distance away before looking over to the engineer. "How is she doing, Asami?"
"Better," the heiress admitted. "The night terrors have stopped, she seems focused." She studied him curiously. "Why do you ask?"
"We're glad the two are you are working on a relationship," the Water Tribe Chief began. "But I wanted to remind you that Korra may not be completely herself yet."
"I know, I'm keeping an eye on her."
He nodded his head, gesturing towards his wife and daughter as they joined them. Senna kissed the shorter woman's temple before grabbing hold of husband's arm. The younger pair followed the leaders of the Southern Tribe as the ceremony began, keeping their distance and taking a seat behind them, listing to the Chief's speech. When that was over, the firing squad shot off a couple rounds, causing the military woman to tense slightly, willing herself to relax. She'd been through this ceremony before, why was it affecting her now?
She rubbed her clammy hands against her pants, barely able to keep herself from jumping when the fireworks began. The Southern people began to shout and clap, the celebration officially beginning. Korra felt her chest tighten, sweat accumulating on her brow. She screwed her eyes shut, the booming sounds sending her back to that day...
The attack had come out of nowhere. One moment she was talking to her team, the next there was an explosion and she was on the floor. Ben had tried to talk to her, but she couldn't hear him. Shots rang out from all directions. They had been ambushed. There was so much noise...
She couldn't take it anymore.
The Colonel stood from her seat with a screech as the chair dragged against the floor, heading back into the palace, barely managing to catch herself against a pillar at the entrance as she undid her tie, the suffocating feeling causing her chest to seize. She managed to stumble inside, taking off her coat and letting it fall against the ground as she held herself up against the wall, panting. The military woman unbuttoned her blouse, trying to get more air as she paced back and forth, wheezing as she did.
"What's going on?" the heiress asked as she came inside, finding her friend's coat and tie on the floor, bending down to pick them up.
Korra shook her head. "I'm sorry. I can't."
"What happened? What's wrong?"
"Please just leave me alone."
"You're shaking."
The Water Tribe native shook her head, stepping away from the heiress when she tried to approach her. She was sweating profusely now, her white shirt soaked at the collar and on her back. "I can't do this. I can't." She shook her head. "Just go away. Please."
"Okay. It's-it's alright. It's okay"
Asami stepped forward again trying to hug her, but Korra backed away. Why wasn't the feeling going away? The Fireworks continued outside and she covered her ears, whimpering as she shook her head.
"No, no. I don't want this."
The heiress wrapped her arms around her, ignoring her struggling as she did. "It's alright. Shhh."
"I don't want this," the Colonel repeated as she tried to fight her friend's hold.
"It's okay. I'm here," Asami soothed, her hold tightening. "I'm right here."
Korra whined in response, hand gripping tightly to the arms wrapped around her. The military woman could feel her heartbeat in her ears, the panic increasing before declining. She continued to fight Asami's hold before she just leaned against the taller woman, a small whimper escaping her as the booming sounds continued outside.
Senna hurried through the palace hall, heading straight to her daughter's room. When the pair hadn't returned, she had started to worry and finding the Colonel's coat and tie abandoned on the floor hadn't helped. She opened the door to the bedroom, finding the brunette in the Sato woman's arms, eyes barely open, forehead sweaty. Asami rubbed her arm gently, keeping a somewhat firm hold on the younger woman's waist. The mother went to her child's side, cupping her cheek.
"What happened?" she asked.
The Colonel opened her mouth to speak only to let out a small whine, slightly shifting as she covered her ears. Asami's hold tightened slightly, bending down to kiss the military woman's head before holding her closer. The engineer had never felt so helpless.
"The fireworks," the ravenette answered quietly. "They're triggering something. I've tried everything but..."
The Southern Tribe mother felt her chest tighten. She knew her little girl wasn't doing well. She knew it. But what she hadn't known was that it was this bad. Senna stood, determined to put an end to her child's suffering.
"I'm going to ask Tonraq to stop the fireworks. I'll explain-"
Korra shook her head, managing to look at her mother. "No, you can't stop the celebration because of me."
"Sweetie-"
"I said no," the younger woman before shaking her head again, leaning against the heiress. "I'm sorry...I just...I..."
Her mother gripped her hand tightly in a knowing and understanding way. "What do you want me to do?"
The younger brunette flinched as another round of explosions echoed throughout the palace, unbuttoning her shirt even further to reveal her soaked undershirt. It wasn't looking too good for her. She wanted to be alone, to endure the pain without her loved ones watching. But... Spirits, she couldn't breathe right.
"Just stay with me, please," she finally answered.
Senna wouldn't have left even without the request.
Tonraq let out a deep breath before stepping inside his daughter's room. Shortly after the fireworks had begun he had heard the screeching of a chair and looked over his shoulder to see the Colonel tumble back inside. He had shut his eyes, shaking his head slightly as he continued to salute and wave at his people. The father had known his child was going through a rough patch. Mako had called the Southern Chief to let him in on the situation, in hopes that the shorter woman would at least talk to her father.
The Water Tribe man had been meaning to meet with her in private but wanted her to enjoy herself first. But that didn't happen. Shorty after his wife left his side he had retreated to see what was wrong. He walked inside to find the dark skinned woman leaning against the heiress, her shirt completely soaked, Senna holding her hand. His wife stood, going over to him, silently pleading with him to put a stop to the younger woman's pain. He shook his head, knowing that wouldn't be what his daughter wanted.
"Tonraq-"
"I said no," a tired voice replied, her blue eyes barely noticeable.
"Asami, Senna, may I have a word with Korra?" the Southern Chief asked, his gaze set on his daughter.
The engineer looked down at the woman in her arms, hesitant to leave her. She had been whimpering for the past hour, unable to rest properly though she seemed slightly more relaxed than before. The ravenette felt her lover give her arm a reassuring squeeze and she sighed, gently laying the military woman against the pillows before following the older woman outside.
It was silent for a moment, the only sound coming from the fireworks outside, causing the Colonel to let out a small whine as she turned on her side. Spirits knew she wanted to tell her father to stop them but she knew how much this day meant to her people and she refused to ruin such a special event.
"Rhodes called," Tonraq began. "Informed me of what's been going on."
"I had it under control."
"Doesn't seem that way." He watched his daughter sit up, trying to show him that she was fine but the trembling said otherwise. "Asami has a right to know."
"I know."
"Then why don't you tell her?"
"Because she'd worry," the Colonel answered. "Just like mom and I don't want that." He blue eyes met her father's gaze. "I'm trying to make this work. I'll keep this under control."
"It isn't about control, Korra," he answered. "It's about establishing honesty in your relationship. She can help you. I can help you."
Korra didn't answer, looking away. Her father sighed and sat down on the bed next to her, rubbing soothing circles against the damp shirt, feeling his daughter relax. "When Senna was expecting you I became the happiest man in the world," the Southern Chief began. "I couldn't wait to meet you. But then the storm came and your mother went into labor. I thought I'd lose you both." He shook his head.
"Senna insisted that I deliver you but I was too afraid. Of course I couldn't tell her that." He paused gently turning the Colonel over so she was facing him. "Somehow I found the courage to and hearing you cry was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Do you know why children cry when they're born?"
The military woman shook her had, causing her father to smile.
"To let us know they're alive," he finished as he gently tilted her chin up. "Have you cried for you team."
"They wouldn't want me to."
"They wouldn't want you to feel sorry for yourself," her father corrected. "Grief is part of moving forward, you need to forgive yourself for what happened and let the dam break. It's only human for you to do so."
"I'm tired," Korra replied, the explosions happening less frequently outside, signaling the end of the firework show.
Tonraq nodded his head pulling the blanket over his daughter as she took off her sweaty shirt, leaving her in her tank. He watched her eyes droop before slowly closing, her breathing evening out. When he made sure she was asleep he opened the door to let the women back in, Asami running to the younger woman's side. The Southern Chief shook his head. Things weren't going to get any easier for his daughter.
Asami chuckled as the military woman sent a half-hearted glare her way when she reminded her to put her bags down gently on the bed. She knew she had a tendency to ...overpack but she liked to be prepared for anything. It baffled the heiress that her companion would always pack a bag or two. Her mother would always have clothes for her which she'd bring back so all she would take was her military equipment, true, but still.
"Korra, where did you put my phone?" the raven haired beauty asked after she tried looking through her five bags.
"It's in mine," Korra answered as she shut off the hot water of the shower.
The engineer let out a sigh, impatiently waiting for the dark skinned woman to get dressed before opening the bag herself and looking for the device. She let out a deep breath when she saw all the messages and alerts from her company. She stood from the bed which caused the bag to topple over onto the floor.
The ravenette heard something roll away. Kneeling down she reached under the bed to retrieve a container. Her brow furrowed as she read the prescription and the name on it just as the military woman came out of the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel. Upon seeing the pill container in her girlfriend's hand she paused, taking in the engineer's furrowed brow and the concerned pull of her lips as she looked up and over at the brunette.
"You... Why do you have these?"
"I... The nightmares..." She lowered her gaze. "And sometimes I need something to help me not feel like..." She wasn't sure how to finish that sentence.
"So you've been taking medication?" Asami asked, gesturing to the pills in her hand. "Why didn't you just tell me?" Asami could understand needed something to help. She'd certainly understand needing them in Korra's situation.
"I hated the way you looked at me sometimes, like I was fragile and broken," the Colonel answered, her hands turning into fists before they were shoved into the pockets of her sweats. "I hate the way I feel sometimes, like there's this hand pressing against my neck."
"Korra..." The engineer walked over to her, pressing her free hand against her lover's cheek. "You were never broken. But I wish you would've had told me. You're supposed to tell me these things," she said gently, calmly, touching her forehead to the shorter woman's. "I get it."
The military woman nodded slightly, unable to meet the heiress' gaze. Asami studied her for a moment before turning away and setting the bags on the floor. The Waterbender watched quietly, her head tilted in confusion until the engineer took her hand and led her to the bed.
"Asami-"
"Shh," the heiress replied settling down next to the tan woman. "I know you're tired. Go to sleep, I'll be right here."
Korra sighed and nodded, snuggling closer to the ravenette. Before long, her small pout appeared and the engineer's lips twitched as she ran her hand through the short chocolate locks. This explained a lot about her best friend's behavior recently. But now that she knew what was going on she'd help her. Like she always had. Like she always would.
The military woman chuckled as she watched the video of Asami test driving the iron suit. It had been completed for the most part though the heiress was still working on perfecting the software and stabilizing the power levels. The tan woman grabbed a handful of popcorn, amused by the colorful curses being spat by the ravenette as she tried pulling off the suit.
After she'd became aware of the pills the Water Native used to sleep, the shorter woman had stopped sneaking away to her apartment and opted to sleep in the engineer's room, trying to keep their relationship as normal as possible. She felt rather foolish about not telling the taller woman in the first place. Hindsight was a bitch.
She tried sleeping on her own but usually ended up getting up to exercise before begrudgingly taking a pill. Asami had insisted for her to keep taking them seeing that they were helping but the military woman nonetheless tried to lessen her dependency on her medication. She didn't want to rely to heavily on them. Which to her annoyance wasn't working very well.
Korra looked over to her bed-mate, noticing the other woman had fallen asleep. She smiled and leaned over, covering the heiress up before shutting the television off and laying down on the bed. Her eyes settled on the fan above them, watching as it slowly turned. The house was usually cool but it was an unusually hot day for this time of year and they'd decided to turn the fan on in Asami's room.
Slowly her eyes closed and she found herself drifting off to sleep, the hum of the fan helping to coax her toward unconsciousness.
Asami gasped for air, blindly pulling on the younger woman's clothes, scratching her arms as she tried to snap her out of her trance. Tan hands were wrapped around her neck, the woman's eyes halfway open, unfocused, as her hands continued to add pressure. Promising to apologize later, the heiress wrapped her legs around the military woman and managed to toss her off the bed.
The Colonel landed on the floor and shook her head, trying to regain her senses as she looked up to see the heiress coughing, trying to catch her breath. Korra's eyes zeroed in on the ravenette's neck, noticing the red marring porcelain skin and looked down at her hands, not missing the scratches on her forearms.
Her eyes began to flicker and she felt herself slip away. She'd hurt her. She had actually... Without warning, the Bender stood, slamming her fist against the opposite wall and it gave way and crumbled. The heiress' eyes widened before she lunged at the ground just in time to dodge a chunk of rock.
Korra gripped her short hair, desperately trying to control herself as she stumbled down the hall, breaking and tossing everything in her way. The raven haired beauty stood, following her, trying to find a way to make her calm Korra down. She watched as she fell to her knees, hands pounding on the floor, jaw clenched. The mansion shook.
"Korra?" Asami called out. "Korra, it's me."
The military woman growled, eyes continuing to flicker when her best friend tried to approach her. She paused for a second, letting the younger woman relax before continuing towards her. Slowly, gently, she placed a hand on her shoulder. She felt her tense before relaxing and slumping against the wall, blinking as she realized what had happened.
"Oh spirits... I'm- I-I didn't- I'm so sorry," she whispered seeing the red marks on her lover's neck. Blue eyes stung with tears but they didn't fall.
"Shh. It's okay," the engineer soothed, reaching out towards the younger woman. "I've got you."