Akane Hits the Big One, Repeatedly

Author's Notes: This story is starting to grow legs of its own - SIGH - BTW, the Happy Bottom Drinking Club is a spin on the very real dude ranch (Happy Bottom Riding Club) owned by the notorious female pilot Pancho Barnes, and immortalized in the movie "The Right Stuff".

Tendo Household, An hour after the arrival of Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung

Ranma thanked Kasumi for providing the expanded lunch, echoed by Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung as they dug into the martial-artist-sized portions rather than the airline portions that they had been eating over the previous couple of days.

Ranma looked around the room at the other members of the Nerima Wrecking Crew and then focused on the ninjas. "Konatsu, Sasuke. Any signs of the Tendo Dojo being watched or that they are aware of the arrival of our two guests?"

Both shook their heads. Susuke continued, "nothing out of the ordinary. Mousse still appears to be in charge and tries to make Cologne's life a living hell. Either they're being really canny or they aren't using the full range of modern technology to their advantage. Once a runner does get here, that could all change. Right now, we could slip in a very short message to Cologne under the disguise of an order but that would be it."

Ranma nodded and then looked at Nibiki. "OK, getting a message to Cologne will have to wait. Nabs, Kasumi , have either of you any way of passing a message to Akane or better yet, Shampoo?"

The two sighed and Kasumi muttered, "I know that we'd finally have to talk about THAT."

As the other fiances, including Ranma, wore shocked expressions, Nibiki took up the thread. "It's not really like we can pick up the phone and call her, but Akane and us have been posting Personal Ads and Announcements in the Japan Agricultural News, just words and phrases. Unfortunately, you really can't track where the posting is coming from. Let me check..."

She got up and ran to her room and back with her cellphone and started skimming the named newspaper. "Hold on! WE do have something, posted just this morning…. 'The pig arrived three days ago and hasn't settled down since. The wild stallion must be to blame.' That sounds about right for a message from her. You want me to send a message?"

Ranma thought and then got out a piece of paper and a pen. Sliding the paper to Nibiki, he said, "not sure if this will work but can you give it a try?"

Nibiki held up the note and read it out loud. "Stallion has been put to work pulling the family plow. Just had two lost kittens from China show up at the gate, little sisters to the Siamese C-c-cat. Usual fun and games, so no need to hurry home, especially if still riding the bike."

Nibiki started typing and then looked up. "Done, but you're paying this month's billing for posting. Stuttering is an extra charge."

Ranma nodded. "Two, maybe three are safe. Now we have to make sure that our lost kittens are nice little Japanese schoolgirls for the next while. Anything in your luggage that you absolutely need to have?"

The two sisters looked at each other, muttered and then nodded at each other. "Will everything be safe?"

"Perfectly, and the safest spot in Japan for the pile, especially if there are any tracking stones tucked away in them. Speaking of which, Kasumi, do we have any of Akane's old clothes around that would fit these two? They've been on a long, long journey and need to get REALLY CLEAN, maybe even get their hair cut."

Kasumi and Nibiki smirked and nodded and the Chinese sisters blanched and patted their hair and looked at Ranma. He nodded back, and muttered. "those tracking stones or even scrying marks can be anywhere so we have to be absolutely sure for now. Time permitting, I'll find one of the hair restoring potions and you can go back to your usual styles when things are safe."

Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung nodded and then followed Nibiki and Kasumi.

Three hours later….

Ranma was looking out over the intermediate class and last one of the day at his two "new students" working away at the back of the room, trying very hard to blend in with everyone else. He nodded at them and smiled.

Bringing the class to a close and working through the cool-down exercise, he dismissed the class with the usual reminders about practicing for the next class as well as the day's new warning to stay well away from the pile of pink suitcases and weapons sitting outside of the dojo.

Watching the other students and their parents depart the yard, all of the students ogling the pile of weapons and their parents making efforts to get them out of the compound as quickly as possible while saying that they could not get any of those for gifts on their birthdays.

Spotting Konastsu and Sasuke slipping into the yard with a few other assorted ninjas, he wandered over towards them and gave a quick bow. "You know where these have to go and can get in and out without problems?"

They all nodded and Ranma passed over the customary non-payment for their services and walked away, drawing the attention of Lung-Lung and Ling-Ling. "Say good-bye to your stuff for a while…" as the various cases and weaponry disappeared into various chi-pockets and swag-bags and the ninjas quickly and quietly left the property in a variety of directions. "By this evening, they will all be hidden in various of Master Happosai's panty caches all over Nerima. No, he doesn't wear them, he collects them. With him being in jail or somewhere on a long,long training trip, they're perfect places to store things."

The twins expressions said otherwise.

Nibiki strolled by and looked them over. "Better get cleaned up, you two are coming clothes shopping with Kodachi, Kasumi and me. You've got school starting on Monday and you need to be ready. If you're going to hide out here in Japan, you need to blend into the background. You did a good job this afternoon but two junior-high students not going to school is going to cause talk, which means….."

They nodded. "We'll stand out like a fire on a beach at midnight on a dark night."

"Exactly!" Nibiki enthused. "You two go first and we'll get going. Unless you want to wait for Ranma and drag him along….."

They blushed and looked at each other. "No….. No. ." They scampered away in the direction of the furo.

Ranma looked at Nibiki and her slight smile. "Are you playing matchmaker again? Besides, they're what? fourteen years old. Yeah, and the last time that they were here, they were all gung-ho about sharing me with Shampoo. I am NOT going to get swept up in that level of craziness again, so you can stop it right now."

Nibiki's slight smile got a lot bigger. "Duly noted, Mister Saotome. What we are doing is laying the grounds for them being here on a legitimate basis, while at the same time making sure that the Joketsuzoku know that we're on to them trying to slip these two in as spies, or alternately, letting them know that these two have arrived safely and that we are taking care of them and making sure that they can't be used as pawns against us. Dinner tonight is at Uyko's place so no sneaking snacks before then."

"What about letting the Old Ghoul in on whatever secret we're going to be feeding her?"

"Nodoka will be dropping that hint in her usual cafe-klatch with Cologne this afternoon. I think that this well be a comment about little twin sisters dropping by for a visit for the first time in five years and hopefully no more dragons flying around."

"I'd tell Mom to be a little less subtle than that, we want Mousse to figure it out. Maybe have her demolish their names in the usual Japanese mispronunciation. Better yet, see if she can do some sleight of hand and put Vaseline on Mousse's glasses."

"OOOOH, Saotome, are you sure that this is something that is improper for a martial artist of your caliber to be thinking about doing, let alone talking your mother into carrying out the deed?"

Ranma smirked. "Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy. The nasty little prat deserves every trick being played on him. He may be a loyalist and a patriot in the eyes of his tribe, but not in the eyes of his equals here in Japan."

Nibiki smiled, one more of a smirk with a serious amount of malice in it. "You sure that you don't want to come along with us? Maybe carry the bags?"

Ranma shook his head. "More likely, you'd get me waterlogged and and get me trying on garments in the sexy lingerie section…"

"And you'd enjoy every bit of embarrassment, wouldn't you?"

"Ah, but that's one thing that I won't be letting you know. And THAT's going to stick in your craw for the rest of the day. Besides, here come the twins with Kasumi. Better get going. Better yet, what newspaper are you now using for passing messages?"

NIbiki smirked. "I'm going to switch things tomorrow since the girls know and we need to cover trails. You thinking of sending a note? Something like 'Wild stallion needs to be bred'?"

Ranma shook his head and whispered "Sorry and thinking of everyone. I'm a prat."

"Have fun but don't expect an immediate response. It's been over a year since she, no they, left, and she wasn't the happiest person at the time."

Ranma nodded.

Next morning, Tendo Residence, 8:30 AM

Ranma arrived as breakfast was being served and wound up having a second breakfast while Ling-Ling (now Rin Tendo) and Lung-Lung (Lum Tendo) were doing the 20-thousand-foot level of excitement as they were literally bouncing in place while trying to eat.

"So, who's going to take you to the school this morning for your exams and orientation?"

Both sets of eyes laser-ranged at him and smiles crept across their faces. Ranma slumped and then looked up at them, a smile twitching at his lips. "Okay, okay, I get the hint. Fortunately for you two and not for me, I have nothing on my schedule for the whole day. Kasumi, have you their lunches? I'll show them the route, past the high school and around the corner, right?"

Kasumi nodded and walked into the kitchen to get the bento boxes. "You also might want to check out the Hibiki house to see if anyone has been around lately and to check on Shirokuro and any of the remaining pups, though by now, they'd all be full-grown."

Ranma nodded as he sorted out the various items that the girls would be needing and making sure that their school bags were ready. "Last day for freebies like this. Starting Monday, you'll be responsible for having this all ready the night before so you can be ready to roll, not like your Aunt Akane grabbing a toast as she pelted out the door, or your Auntie Nibiki being a zombie until her second cup of coffee" he finished as he cast a look at Nibiki wondering down the stairs in search of her first cup of coffee. The twins stared at their first real view of their "cousin" in zombie mode. Kasumi reached out through the doorway and extended a mug of coffee that Nibiki grabbed and effectively swallowed in a series of gulps without even opening her eyes.

Realizing the regard of those seated at the table, the mug came down and her eyebrows raised as she went "What?" The twins and Ranma snickered, then stood and thanked Kasumi for breakfast, said hello to Nibiki and headed for the front door with bags going over shoulders and bento boxes swinging.

Turning down the street from the gate, they quickly reached the canal and Ranma had to physically restrain himself from leaping up on the chain link fence as in the old days with Akane, then realized that the twins were already up on the fence and were skipping along the top railing. Stopping and shielding his eyes from the possible sight, he coughed. The twins stopped and looked at him with wondering eyes.

He shrugged and then stepped over to where he could see their faces and not be implied as looking up their skirts. "First rule when going to school: no running along the fences unless you're wearing pants. Prevents giving the guys a freebie by just looking up."

The twins went "awww…" and jumped down and straightened their skirts. Lum moaned "these Japanese must be really conservative about this. After all, I am wearing my panties." Rin blushed and mumbled "speak for yourself…"

Ranma decided to ignore the implications of those remarks and started on, pointing out the landmarks and various alternate routes until they came to the gates of Furinakan High School and pointed out the notable items, plus the general directions to the Hibiki homestead, local restaurants and snack bars, plus the directions to Uyko's Place and the Nekohanten.

He then guided them to the next corner and up to the gates for the Furinakan Elementary School. Leading the way to the main doors of the school, he randgthe bell and waited, while the twins were generally taking in the sight lines afforded by the raised entranceway.

A young lady come to the doors and opened them. "Mr. Tendo?"

Ranma shook his head and then bowed. "Ranma Saotome. I should be down on the list of alternates for drop-off and pickup. I'm at loose ends today and got asppointed as designate parent-in-loco or something like that. So, what's the schedule for today?"

The yound lady checked her clipboard and nodded, then flipped up a picture of Ranma and then side-slipped it to show a picture of Ranko. "Your reputation precedes you, Mister Soatome. Come on in. Today, we'll be going through a series of general knowledge and language skills first, then into various math, history and geography questions to gauge the amount of remedial work needed since the girls have been raised out-of-country for most of their lives and we don't have any records from the schools in Joketsuzoku. These are not a contest or formal examination as you both will be going into the same class which is appropriate for your age. Depending upon your actual performance, we may shift you between classes but always within the same grade. Wakarimas?"

Both twins nodded and smiled. Ranma passed over their bento boxes wished them a good day, stating that he'd be in the area and available on his cellphone. Finishing off with a semi-stern warning to behave themselves "or else, no sundaes or desserts", he waved and headed off to the local ginza to spend the morning idling around before he had to head back to spend lunch with the twins.

Just as he entered the ginza, his cellphone went off and he pulled it out of his chi-pocketg and answered blindly. "I told you two to behave yourselves, it's been less than tin minutes since…. Uh, who is this?"

The voice chuckled. "Is it that bad with the twins, or have things really not changed since they were last here.?"

Ranma swtiched to "cool mode". "Actually, not seriously though they do try the occasional trick. Not sure if it is just them pushing the envelope as teenagers or being serious. However, aren't you being dangerous right now? After all, THEY could be monitoring my ohone and getting a line on you or is it the two of you?"

"Ah. That's the advantage of actually having spending money, not like a certain martial artist that I thought that I knew. You know that you made the news way way way outside of Nerima with that stunt. I'm calling from a random cheapie that I got at a convenience store, and I'll be scrapping it when I'm done. I'm nowhere near home while I'm making this call and I'm not going to be giving out any clues as to where I live."

"Reading way too many spy novels, I see" quipped Ranma. "Which describes things around here. Sure that the little darlings are quite aware of what is going on and they're not giving any clues as to whether we're running on Plan A or Plan B or just the regular old Nerima Wrecking Crew fly-and-fight-by-the-seat-of-our-pants techniques. Right now, they're supposed to be doing the placement exams while I kill time until lunch. Speaking of which, how have you been doing?"

"Don't laugh but I've been studying like crazy and really enjoying it. Sorry, no other clues but I'm happy doing it. What about you, aside from polishing all the police cars in Nerima weekly, teaching five classes and now playing uncle-pappa to the twins?"

Ranma chucked. "Staying away from all sorts of craziness and trying to figure out how to pay off for two new police cars on my own. I finished the courses for the academic portion of the coaching degree, now working on the practical and work-experience portion, and everyone's quite impressed, especially your Dad. He's so impressed that he's been looking over my textbooks and going over the dojo books to see it there are any missing ideas that he can apply. Looks like the old maxim applies: learn one, teach one…."

A sigh came over the phone. "Wish I could be there to see that…."

"Ah. Wait until the chaos ends, and sneak back for a visit. However, definitely not at the moment."

"True. Not at the moment."

"Yeah. Speaking of which, if someone is monitoring my calls, you'd better get going before they catch up to you."

"Yeah, It's been great to talk to you. Why didn't we do things like this long ago?"

"Not sure, probably as you had repeatedly said, we weren't ready, weren't grown up enough (a snicker came across the connection), and a whole range of chaos pushing us together and apart. And then, there was my cowardice in not putting my feelings on the line and actually taking a stand."

"Oh…. You HAVE grown up, though the your-weight-in-sake contest did set a new low…."

"THAT was Nibiki and Kodachi getting cunning all on their own, but still my responsibility since I carried it out."

"Just how much did he blab? Whenever we, er I, try to get him to fess up, he gets all embarrassed and clams up and gets all big-brotherly…"

"I asked a simple question about the two young ladies and he said that they were really nice and not THAT way and then tried to tell me that you two wouldn't appreciate having your names being bandied about like some of the dates that I'd gone on after you two had left. Except that he used your names. And that's when things went sideways when I used HIS line on HIMSELF and tried beating him down."

Snickering came from the other end of the call. "That sounds like a good spot to stop. Take care of the girls and I may call you again. Bye!"

And the line went dead.

Ranma looked at the phone and realized that he had tears trickling down over his smile.

"Bye," he whispered.