Warning: This story is rated T for drug abuse, prostitutes/strippers, and shounen-ai/yaoi.

Summary: Allen notices that Kanda has been sneaking out at night and follows him. What he sees, he'd never expect.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM, the characters, or this song.

The A Team

Original Song: "The A Team" by Ed Sheeran

White lips,

Pale face,

Breathing in snowflakes.

Burnt lungs,

Sour taste.

Has sleeping always been so hard? I wonder as I sip my tea. It was probably four in the morning, but I hadn't been able to sleep at all, so I came to the cafeteria and made an herbal tea to help me to become drowsier. Now I know why Kanda likes tea so much. This stuff tastes incredible!

I nearly jump as the door opens. Even in the darkness, I could see Kanda's long hair, but it seemed weird for him to be up at this hour. I mean, I couldn't say much, but still. In my curiosity, I was about to ask him what he was doing up, but before I can, he sits at the closest table and lets his head hit the wood with a hollow thunk. Now I was worried. True, Kanda and I may not get along, but I was still his friend.

Standing from my seat, I leave my tea and walk across the cafeteria, and even when I was only a few feet away, Kanda doesn't raise his head. I ask, "Kanda?"

He jerks and jumps up, glaring at me. "When did you get here?"

"I've been here for the last hour. I couldn't sleep. Why are you here?"

"None of your business," he growls before he walks out of the room.

Since then, I started to pay attention to him. The way he walked slower. The way his eyes darted around more than they used to. The way he refused to make eye contact with anyone. The way that he seemed more flexible while training. But mostly, I saw him sneak out of the Order every night at midnight.

Light's gone,

Day's end,

Struggling to pay rent.

Long nights,

Strange men.

I felt guilty. I mean, what kind of person follows their friend into a town? It was beyond contemptible.

But even as I think that, I carefully hide in alleys and behind trees and light poles and basically stalk Kanda as he walks down the sidewalk. He was wearing skinny jeans and a leather jacket, which was something that I never thought I'd be able to imagine, let alone see. Maybe he has a girlfriend? Yeah, and what kind of girlfriend accepts dates at midnight? Unless they're….

I shake my head and peer around a brick wall as the samurai walks down an alley. Where was he going? When he turns another corner, I follow and see him unlock a metal door. Storage? But as it opens, pink, purple, and green light streams from whatever was inside along with loud, fast-paced music.

Confused, I see a man walking down the street at the other end of the alley and quickly run towards him. "Excuse me!"

He looks at me, a cigar between his lips as he grunts, "What, Shorty?"

I don't reply to the name and point to the building next to me. "Can you please tell me what this place is?"

"Are you a moron?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I'm just curious. I don't know this area," I say. He rolls his brown eyes. "It's just a pole joint."

Confusion washed over me. "You mean a strip club?"

"No, I mean that people bring random poles here and screw them to the ground. Moron."

"Thank you, sir."

I begin to turn away, but the man says, "If you like men, right now is the best time to go."

"Why is that?" I ask. He grins. "Raven Dancer should be getting here sometime soon."

I didn't like where this was going. "Who's Raven Dancer?"

"Sexiest man I've seen. In his late teens, early twenties. Long, blue-black hair. And he knows how to work a pole, that's for sure."

"You don't know his name by any chance, do you?"

"No. Wish I did though so I could get more than a few hours watching him," he says. "I'm not even sure if you could get in though. You sixteen?"

I nod.

"Then you better go in now if you want to see him. Everyone around will be pouring in soon."

"All for Raven Dancer?"

"Yeah. Around two he has a dance performance with backup dancers. He's the best around."

"I'll be sure to look into it. Thanks," I say, nodding before I begin back towards the Order.

And they say,

She's in the class A team,

Stuck in her daydream.

Been this way since eighteen,

But lately….

The next day, I ask Kanda to train with me. Of course, he just shrugs and begins to walk to the training area, but I was more or less uneasy.

"Are we training or not, Moyashi?" Kanda mutters as he stretches his arms. I nod. "But can I ask you something first?"

"You can ask, but that doesn't mean I'll answer."

I take a breath, thinking over my words carefully. Even though I had thought about how I would word this since I had begun to walk home last night, my question didn't come out the way I wanted it to. "Are you Raven Dancer?"

Kanda freezes, but he quickly composes himself. "Who the heck is Raven Dancer, and why would you think I'm him or her or whatever?"

"Kanda," I say, looking down, "I followed you last night."

"What gave you the right?!" he shouted and he gave me a glare that made me want to curl up in a ball.

"I was worried―"

"I don't need you worrying about me! I can take care of myself!"

Finally looking up at him, I say, "Then tell me: are you Raven Dancer?"

"I still don't know what you're talking about."

"A man said that the building you went in was a strip club. He also said that there was a man your age with long, blue-black hair named Raven Dancer."

With that, Kanda walked out.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"Lavi, I'm really worried," I say. The redhead looked down at the bed. "What are we supposed to do? He's not going to talk about that to anyone, and we aren't even certain it's him."

I pause, and Lavi quickly looked at me. "No. No, Allen. Just…no."

"But we have to find out!"

Her face seems,

Slowly sinking,

Wasting,

Crumbling like pastries,

And they scream,

The worst things in life come free to us.

"I still don't like this," Lavi said as we sat on one of the loveseats toward the back of the club called "Exotic Bird Gay Club."

"Just deal. I don't like it either," I say. At that moment, all the lights moved toward the stage, and dozens of men began to swarm around the area. The stage was fairly large with two poles, stairs on both sides, and a small curtain in one corner.

The speakers came on. "Who's ready for Raven Dancer?"

The men around the club roared with glee, and several held money in the air. It was hard to imagine that Kanda has so many admirers.

"He just got in and is still changing, but for now, let your eyes take in the beauty of Scarlet Hawk!"

A shirtless man came out from behind the curtain, waving and smiling, and the audience clapped and whistled as he began to dance to the music of "For Your Entertainment" by Adam Lambert.

"Lavi, are you gay?" I ask to distract myself. The rabbit glances at me. "No. Straight as an arrow. What about you?"

I blush and look down. "I'm bi."

"So you have a crush on Kanda?"

"No!" I exclaim and I was going to defend myself, but then the music faded out and the speaker came back on. "Now you all know that Raven Dancer won't come out for nothing. Who do we want?"

"RAVEN DANCER!" the crowd screamed and clapped.

That's when I had no doubt in mind who Raven Dancer was. Another voice spoke, sounding exactly like Kanda, "You can do better than that. If you want me to flaunt this body, you need to scream until your throat is raw."

I hugged Lavi's arm and hid my face in it. I didn't know if I wanted to see Kanda like this or not. To see him do something like pole dance….

The men managed to get louder, and the original speaker announced, "Here he is! RAVEN DANCER!

Against my better judgment, I look up. Kanda walks out from the curtain, his hair down and his shirt gone, and he was wearing tight, leather pants that left nothing to the imagination and combat boots. Oh gosh.

He flips some of his hair over his shoulder with his free hand before he puts it on his hip, and the other hand holds a microphone as he stops at the front of the stage.

Because we're just under the upper hand,

And go mad for a couple grams.

She don't wanna go outside tonight.

The crowd roared, twenty and fifty dollar bills held in the air, and Kanda smirks. "All this for me? I'm flattered, though a few are missing."

The bluenette bent down to hear what one man said, and after a moment, he straightens again. "I'm glad to know that I have such dedicated fans. So what song should I do tonight?"

Several songs were shouted, and Kanda listened before asking, "'Tainted Love,' huh? Are you sure that it isn't just my hair?"

I heard a man close to Lavi and me shout, "Sexy hair flips all the way!"

"Okay, okay, fine. 'Tainted Love' it is, but don't blame me when only one of you gets to have me take care of the aftermath," Kanda said, tossing the microphone to a man on the sidelines.

Lavi and I freeze, and I ask quietly, "Does he mean sleeping with them?"

"Plenty of strippers are prostitutes, too," he replies. I protest, "Kanda isn't a stripper!"

The redhead gave me a look that said otherwise, and I quieted.

The music for "Tainted Love" by Marilyn Manson began to play, and I watch in horror as Kanda started dancing. He flipped his hair to the beat as he used his arms to climb the pole, the movement almost like cartwheels except for his legs hooked around the metal, and he twisted around it. It was amazing, but I still couldn't grasp that this was Kanda doing this.

Closer to the ground, the samurai wrapped his legs around the pole and held himself parallel to the ground, and a man put a hundred dollar bill in the dancer's open mouth. Kanda smirked, took the bill from his mouth, and tucked it into the front of his pants, probably flashing a few people in the process.

After another few minutes of acrobatics, dancing, and roaring of the crowd, Kanda finished, the music fading out. Someone handed him the microphone again, and he asked, "So who liked that?"

The men screamed and shouted their approval. Kanda ran his fingers through his hair. "I'll be sure to make some of those moves keepers then. Let's see now, who wants to be lucky tonight?"

The audience went wild, waving money in the air. That's when Kanda's eyes lock on Lavi and me, and I don't think I've seen him look so dangerous as he points to us and says calmly, "Redhead and platinum blonde. I'll take two tonight."

And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland,

Or sells love to another man.

It's too cold outside for angels to fly.

Angels to fly.

Kanda leads us to a room with a king size bed with satin sheets and sex toys lying on a table, but when the door closes, the bluenette snaps, "What do you think you're doing here?!"

To this, Lavi asks, "Why are you here, Raven Dancer?"

"I work here, if you hadn't noticed. If it wouldn't make people suspicious, I would have thrown you out, but now, I have two hours to make you feel like you're living in the underworld!"

I wince at his harsh tone and say quietly, "I-I just wanted to know if you really were a…a…."

"The word is stripper, moron. And prostitute."

"Why? Why would you do this?" Lavi asks as Kanda turns away. The samurai doesn't reply, and I say, "Kanda―"

"Shut up!" he shouts, his fists white. After a few minutes, he sits on the bed, still not looking at Lavi or me as he says, "I need the money."

"Money? For what?" I ask. He growls, "I just do. Are you happy?"

I shake my head. "Not really."

Kanda lies down. "Too bad. I don't really care what you do as long as you stay in this room for the next couple of hours."

"Were you really going to sell yourself to some stranger?" I ask, unable to help myself.

"That's what a prostitute does, Moyashi. Don't act like you don't know that."

"I know that, but…."

"Drop it."

I sit in the floor, my knees pulled to my chest, and I feel the tears run down my cheeks. After a moment, Lavi settles beside me and pulls me to him, and I cry into his chest.

After an hour or so, Kanda stood and walked to the end of the bed where I was still in Lavi's arms. "If either of you mention anything about tonight at the Order, or anywhere for that matter, I will run you through with Mugen. Stay out of my business. I have to get ready for my next performance, but you can stay in here for another hour."

"What do you mean by 'next performance'?" I ask, looking at him through watering eyes. He rolls his eyes. "Do I need to spell it out for you? I dance. I take someone to bed. I leave around three with a couple hundred bucks."

I burst out crying again, clinging to Lavi, and the redhead looked at Kanda, who seemed indifferent to everything. "Why would you need that kind of money? The Order may not pay well, but your food, clothes, and transportation are all paid for."

My eyes widen, but I keep my mouth shut. Kanda looked at me. "Ask the Moyashi. He obviously figured it out."

With that, the samurai stalked out of the room, his boots clacking on the stone floor and his hips beginning to sway once the door was open. Lavi looked down at me. "Why would he need that money?"

"I'm not sure if I'm right, so there's no reason to say," I say quietly, wiping away my tears.

"Allen, tell me what you think."

I look down and after a moment, I whisper, "He might be sick."

"Sick? Like cancer?"

I nod.

"He never gets sick."

"Only that we've seen. He might have medical bills, because the Order wouldn't pay for something like that."

Ripped gloves,

Raincoat,

Tried to swim and stay afloat.

Dry house,

Wet clothes.

I knock on the door.

"Moyashi, go away."

"No, let me in."

"I'm not in the mood to deal with you."

"That doesn't matter. I'll bust down the door."

Kanda cursed, but in a moment, the door opened, and he stepped aside to let me in. "Make it quick. I have to go in early tonight."

The bluenette sits on the bed while I lean on the wall, very uncomfortable as I ask, "Do you have to go?"

"Yeah, I do. If I don't go in, I don't get paid."

"I'm sure if you tell Komui, he can get some form of treatment for you."

Kanda scoffs. "I don't have a disease, moron."

"Then what?"

"Why would I tell you?"

"Because I want to help!"

"I don't want your help, Moyashi. I've been Raven Dancer for the past year, and it doesn't bother me."

I stop, thinking about what he had said. It makes sense. Not caring. Needing money. After a moment, I ask, "What drug are you on?"

He lies down. "A beautiful thing called heroin."

"Why? Why would you do something like that?"

"We're in a war. Not caring is the easiest way to get through it, and quite frankly, I'm at the point where someone could shoot you in the head right now and if they paid me, I'd help hide your body."

I sit beside him and glare. "You're selling yourself so that you can snort heroin?"

"No," he says. "I shoot it."

"That's worse! Injecting it is the most likely to cause you to overdose!"

"I don't care."

"I would! And so would everyone else!"

"I don't care."

"You'll get addicted to it!"

"I've been using it for over a year. I'm already addicted."

"That's a problem!"

"I. Don't. Care."

"It's illegal!"

Kanda sat up, and I almost fell off the bed under his glare. "I don't freaking care, Moyashi. Either shut it or leave."

Unable to take it, I jump on him, wrapping my arms around his waist, but Kanda just sits there as I cry, and he says, "If you want sex, it's two-hundred, and two-fifty if you want to top."

"I don't want sex! I want the real you back!"

"Real me?"

Loose change,

Bank notes,

Weary-eyed,

Dry throat,

Call girl,

No phone.

I look up at him while tears stream down my cheeks. "You were an emotionless jerk before, but this isn't you! You need help!"

"And you need to find Lavi so you can annoy him. Get off me."

I shake my head, refusing to release him from my grasp. He didn't seem particularly annoyed by this and just lied back again while I clung to him, but I think it was the heroin at work.

There was knock on the door, and Kanda asked, "Who is it?"

"Marie."

The bluenette glares at me, and I quickly defend, "I didn't tell him! I swear!

"Come in."

The blind man opened the door, and as he shut it, he asked, "Why is Allen crying and clinging to you?"

"It's nothing," Kanda muttered. Marie sat on the end of the bed. "Lavi told me that you wanted to talk to me."

"The rabbit lied."

I sit up. "No, he wasn't. You don't want to talk to him, but if you don't, I will."

Kanda glared at me and growled, "It's my business!"

"That affects everyone around you!"

"It wouldn't affect you if you hadn't been following me."

Marie turns his blue, glassy eyes to his brother. "Kanda, what are you talking about?"

"The Moyashi and Usagi followed me out of the Order last night," the bluenette says, "and found out that I'm working as a male dancer and prostitute."

"What?" Marie asked in disbelief. I look up at Kanda. "Tell him everything."

"I don't take orders from you."

"Then I'll tell him."

"Geez, I'm also shooting heroin."

Marie stood, but Kanda growled, "Marie, if you tell Tiedoll, I swear I will never speak to you again."

"I'm not going to sit here while my little brother does something that could easily kill him!"

I'm not sure which shocked me more: the fact that Marie yelled at Kanda or that he called Kanda his little brother. I mean, I knew that Kanda, Marie, and Daisya grew up as Tiedoll's "sons", but I didn't know that's how Marie saw Kanda and Daisya as his brothers. Kanda didn't seem to mind the yelling part. "I'm not your little brother. I can take care of myself and make my own decisions, so if I want to put drugs in my veins and sell my body, I will."

Marie pauses for a moment. "It won't harm you because of your regenerative abilities. You get to feel the effects mentally, but your body will remain the same. That's why you don't have any of the signs of heroin abuse."

"But that doesn't mean you can't overdose," I say, looking at Kanda. He shrugs. "So what if I do?"

I give Marie a pleading look. "Please, help him."

The blind man doesn't reply as he walks out the door, and I go back to clinging to Kanda. "Why did you start all of it?"

"Didn't I already tell you because of the war? I didn't care much to begin with, but I realized that my judgment was being compromised. Heroin helped, but it took more money than I was making, so after a while, the dealer told me that the club was hiring. I went, and the owner liked me."

I don't answer as I bury my face in his stomach, but he asks, "Are you ever going to let go?"

"Not until you promise to stop being Raven Dancer."

"You can't sit there and say that I wasn't good."

"You were, but it's not right!"

"Regardless of your opinion, I'm going in tonight."

Unable to find another option, I sit up and press my lips to his. I may not like it, but I can keep him from going if I give him money. I think I might have two-hundred. After a moment, Kanda pushes me away. "What are you doing?"

"Hiring you."

He scoffs. "You can't afford me."

"I can once!"

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I'll do anything to keep you out of that place! I may hate the idea of having sex with you, but if it means that some man you don't know doesn't touch you, I'm willing to do it."

"I'm not going to sleep with you just because you feel sorry for me. Besides, I'll still have to go in. I get tips while I'm dancing."

And they say,

She's in the class A team,

Stuck in her daydream.

Been this way since eighteen,

But lately….

I droop, still straddling him from where I'd kissed him. Here I was, willing to give him money and my virginity to keep him from working, but it wasn't enough. Maybe I should tell someone. Someone in authority, I mean. If we can just get his drug addiction under control….

Kanda scoffed. "If you're trying to figure out a way to tell someone, let me tell you the result. You tell Komui. They take me to the infirmary and restrain me. I begin to develop withdrawal symptoms. I go crazy and break out. I come back here and OD."

"Kanda, you can't be happy doing this."

"Who said I was happy? Heroin makes you emotionally numb, not happy."

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I hadn't spoken to Kanda for several days. I saw him in the cafeteria, but that was about it. I watched the bluenette sit alone in the corner, eating his soba, and I asked Lavi, "Are we doing the right thing?"

He puts his chin on the table. "I don't know. You?"

"I think we should tell Komui before something happens."

"You think he'll overdose?"

"I think that he's convinced that his body can take it," I say. As the words come out of my mouth, there's a sound behind me, and I turn, eyes widening. Kanda was lying in the floor, unconscious.

"Kanda!" I shout, running to him along with everyone else. "Lavi, can you carry him? I can't."

He nods, and a finder helps me get the bluenette onto the rabbit's back. We ran to the infirmary, but what were we going to tell them?

"Nurse, he needs help immediately!" Lavi shouted as he dropped Kanda onto the closest bed. A few of the nurses hurried over, checking his pulse and listening to his breathing. One of them said, "Head nurse, his breathing is irregular and his pulse is elevated."

The head nurse began helping them hook things to him, but she asked us, "What happened?"

"He just collapsed," I say.

She looked at me. "Tell me the drug. I know you know what he's on. You look guilty."

After a moment, I look down. "It's heroin."

One of the younger nurses asked, "What's the treatment for opiates?"

"Nothing for now. We need to keep an eye on him, but he'll wake up in a few hours." The head nurse turned to Lavi and me again. "You two, go and tell Komui about this. We'll need to search his room and keep him under control."

We nod, running to Komui's office. I felt uneasy about the whole thing. Kanda's going to hate me and Lavi more than ever.

"Come in!"

Lavi and I open the door, and the scientist says, "What can I do for you?"

I shift uncomfortably and scoot behind Lavi, who eventually says, "We have to talk about Kanda."

"What about him?"

Komui invites us to sit, and we do. I quickly wipe my eyes, realizing they were wet, and Lavi says, "Did you know that there's a popular gay strip club nearby?"

He shakes his head. "How is that relevant?"

"Kanda works there as a male dancer and prostitute under the name 'Raven Dancer'. He needs the money so he can pay for heroin."

Komui looks shocked by this information, but Lavi continues, "He's in the infirmary from an overdose. He's stable, but it was close. The head nurse says that we need to search his room."

The scientist nods. "I'll get the science division on it."

As we were about to leave, I turn.

"Please, don't let him go back to the club," I beg, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Please!"

"I can't control what he does, but we need to get him off the heroin first. I think he'll straighten out after that."

I nod.

Her face seems,

Slowly sinking,

Wasting,

Crumbling like pastries,

And they scream,

The worst things in life come free to us.

I let out a sigh of relief as Kanda's eyes open. He glances around and asks, "What happened?"

"You collapsed in the cafeteria," I say. He closes his eyes. "Why does everything on me hurt then?"

"That's from the withdrawal. You've been out for days."

"Then get me out so I can go back to my room. I'm fine."

He tries to sit up, but I push him back down. "Kanda, they searched your room and found the heroin. You'll have to go through treatment, but in a few months, you'll be okay for the most part."

"Why did you tell them?"

"The head nurse already knew it was drug, but we told her what kind."

A nurse walked over to the bed and handed a cup with two pills in it out to the bluenette. "Here. I'll get water."

"You really think I'm going to take clonidine?"

Confused, I ask, "Clonidine?"

The nurse nods. "Clonidine helps with symptoms of opiate withdrawal."

"I'm not taking it," Kanda growls, not taking the cup from her.

"Too bad. You're taking it."

I turn to see Komui walk in, and he continues, "That's an order."

Kanda glares at him, but doesn't argue as he takes to cup. Tilting his head back, he swallows the clonidine dry. "Happy?"

"Not particularly. I'm generally not when an exorcist becomes a drug addict."

"If it weren't for this annoying idiot, you wouldn't know."

"If it weren't for this annoying idiot, you could have died."

"If it weren't for this annoying idiot, I'd be perfectly fine right now."

"If it―"

I interrupt, "I don't appreciate being called an annoying idiot."

"Sorry, Allen," Komui said. "Anyways, the point is that you will be staying here for the next several weeks. Someone will constantly be with you, and when you're released, you'll be sharing a room with another exorcist."

Kanda doesn't reply, and I say, "Don't act like it's unreasonable. You did this to yourself."

He smirks. "Correction, the Black Order did this to me. They shove us into boxing ring so they can watch us die one by one. I got tired of watching while people dropped."

I look down, and Komui walks out of the room.

Because we're just under the upper hand,

And go mad for a couple grams.

She don't wanna go outside tonight.

"Do you hate me?" I ask later that night after Kanda had taken his second dose of clonidine. He glances at me before looking back at his book. Well, it was actually a book Komui told him to read about getting over opiate addictions, so Kanda didn't have much choice in the matter. "I hated you anyways."

"Kanda."

He sighs, closing the book and looking at me. "No, I don't hate you. I realize that you had my safety in mind, and as much as I hate to admit it, I am thankful for that."

"I thought you didn't care."

"At the time, I didn't. Do you know anything about heroin?"

I shake my head, and he continues, "I meant what I said before. I was at the point that I could sit back and watch the Order be slaughtered without a care in the world. It numbs your emotions to the point that you don't feel anything unless it's physical."

"What about Raven Dancer?"

"Don't talk about it," he mutters, opening the book again. So it was the drugs. He would never have done anything like that if he was still himself. I can't begin to imagine how mad and ashamed he is right now.

Hesitantly, I say, "I…I don't see you any differently because of it."

"Don't lie."

"I mean it, Kanda."

He doesn't reply, and I say, "Sure, I never thought you would be a drug addict, but that's not something I'm going to condemn you for. You need help."

"You saw me pole dance, for crying out loud! When you and Lavi see me, that's the first thing you'll think of," he muttered, but he doesn't look away from the book.

"We were worried! Do you not remember that I tried to hire you so you wouldn't go back? I didn't know what could happen!"

He doesn't say anything.

After a few minutes, I say, "Raven Dancer wasn't you. Not the real you. He was a different person that didn't care about anything, especially himself."

Kanda closes his book. "I need a shower."

"You took a shower several hours ago."

"I know that, Moyashi."

I don't respond to the name. "Why would you―?"

"I feel disgusting, okay?!" he shouts, glaring at me as he stands. "There's nothing in the bathroom I can get high on, if that's what you're thinking. I don't care if you go in and wait for me, but I just…I need to feel clean."

I nod.

I can't say I completely understand how he feels, but I know that the feeling's awful. Just to be sure, I go with him to the bathroom, and when he looks into the mirror, I can't describe his expression. His eyes swirled with hate and his knuckles shook with self-loathing.

"Kanda…" I whisper as he turns away. He growls, "Shut up."

And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland,

Or sells love to another man.

It's too cold outside for angels to fly.

Angels to fly.

As he closes the curtain to the stall he was in, I glance around to make sure we were alone before I say, "If you ask, I think Komui could get a therapist to talk to you."

I hear him scoff. "I don't need a therapist. Why would I?"

"Kanda, this is going to haunt you for a long time. Don't act like it didn't affect you, and let people help."

"I don't…" he trails off. After a minute, he sighs. "I'll get over it on my own."

"No, you won't! You have friends; why do you always push them away?!"

"Dependence is weakness."

"Arrogance is weakness."

"Love is weakness."

"Self-disrespect is weakness."

"Trust is weakness."

"Complete independence is weakness."

"Fear is weakness."

"Weakness is weakness," I say when I run out of arguments. After a moment, Kanda says, "If I need help, I know that I can come to you, the rabbit, or Lenalee. It's not like I don't know that, but I also know that it won't help."

"Why not?"

"I already said that trust is weakness. The first person you let in is like the first cigarette. The more you smoke, the worse it gets, and eventually, it kills you."

"If you want to get addicted to something, friends are the best way to go."

"But what happens when one dies? You go to rehab. After a while, you're cured. No one's left."

I don't reply. What he was saying made sense, but it wasn't exactly helping my cause. After a few minutes, Kanda came out of the shower and walked toward the infirmary without even a glance my way, but I thought it had to do with the fact that there was a mirror behind me.

A few hours later, Kanda turned out the light and asked, "Shouldn't you go back to your room?"

Yawning, I shake my head. "No, I've stayed with you the whole time, and I plan to do the same thing I've been doing."

I pull another chair in front of me and prop up my feet as Kanda asks, "You've been here the whole time?"

"Except for eating, yeah. Why?"

He doesn't reply and rolls over so that his back was to me.

"Goodnight, Kanda," I whisper.

An angel will die,

Covered in white.

Closed eyes,

Hoping for a better life.

This time,

We'll fade out tonight,

Straight down the line.

(A month later.)

"Wake up, Kanda," I say, prodding his shoulder. He keeps his eyes closed. "I wasn't asleep. You should try to recognize the difference."

I roll my eyes. "I can't help it that I don't pay attention to it. I was asleep, but you won't take your medicine if I don't make you."

"I'm cured."

I sit beside him on the bed. "You know that you'll never be cured."

"Save me the lecture. I know, I know, I'll always have urges, but I don't right now."

"Because you've been taking the clonidine."

"Correction, you make me take the clonidine."

"Yeah, because the last time I left it to you, your nausea and muscle aches came back. I wonder why."

"Shut up," he mutters as he opens his eyes, and I give him his pills. After a moment, he swallows them dry, and I scold, "I was going to give you some water! You know it's bad for you to take pills dry!"

"It's bad to take people dry, too, but that doesn't stop most."

I tilt my head in confusion before the meaning of what he said dawned on me and I whack him on the shoulder. "Stop it!"

"What am I doing? I stated a fact."

"Just keep your dirty mind to yourself."

I give him a glass of water, and he takes a few sips before he holds it out to me. I shake my head. "All of it. That's your punishment for taking the pills dry."

He rolls his eyes and downs the rest of it, and I gladly take the glass this time.

"You don't have to treat me like a child," he mutters.

"Yes, I do. Otherwise, you act like one. Refusing to take your medicine. Taking your medicine the wrong way."

Kanda doesn't reply and sits up. On a more serious note, I ask, "Did you get any sleep?"

He shakes his head. "Not really. Three hours max."

"I'm sorry."

"You say that every time my insomnia kicks in," he says. "It's not like it's your fault."

"Am I not allowed to feel bad for you?"

"No, you're not. I don't need sympathy."

And they say,

She's in the class A team,

Stuck in her daydream.

Been that way since eighteen,

But lately….

"I've had insomnia before, but not like this," I say as he rubs his temples. He shrugs. "Payback's a chick."

I laugh. "Very true, but I can still sympathize even though you deserve it."

He grunts in reply, and we fall into silence. Kanda moves his shoulder and grimaces before he begins to massage it with his other hand, but I quickly take over. "I've got it."

"I'm starting to think that you like massaging me," he says, but he doesn't pull away. Actually, he leaned into the touch more than anything. I give great massages, and he knows that, probably better than anyone.

"So what if I do? You're a good patient, and I don't want my skills to become rusty."

He doesn't reply, but he does let out a groan as I hit a pressure point. After a while, I pull away, and Kanda stands from the bed to get ready. We spent a good majority of our time together now, especially since he moved into my room, Komui's orders. He had to have someone with him constantly for one year and he had to have blood tests done every week. After one year, it'll only be every month. Kanda didn't particularly like the idea, but then again, what idea does he like?

"Why did I have to get stuck with you?" he grumbled. Smiling, I say, "Because you love me."

"In your dreams."

I roll my eyes, but for some reason, I felt slightly hurt from his tone of voice. When I glance up at him, he's looking at me, and I ask, "What?"

He doesn't reply.

Her face seems,

Slowly sinking,

Wasting,

Crumbling like pastries,

And they scream,

The worst things in life come free to us.

As Kanda brushes his hair, I sit on my bed, the top bunk, and ask, "If you could go back, would you have taken the heroin the first time?"

"If Raven Dancer didn't exist, then yes."

"Why?"

"The time I spent not caring was perfect. I don't regret it. Being a stripper and prostitute? Definitely, but not being numb."

"Oh."

"And besides, if Raven Dancer hadn't existed, you wouldn't have found out about it."

"You still nearly overdosed."

"I nearly overdosed because the effects were wearing off. The effects were wearing off because of you and Lavi."

I look down at my lap ashamedly. I didn't notice Kanda until he directed my gaze to his with his hand on my chin, and he says, "And for that, I thank you."

I was shocked to say the least. "W-what?"

"I'm not repeating myself."

I smile and nod. "You're welcome."

He pulls away, much to my disappointment, but I don't say anything as he ties his hair into its ponytail. After a few minutes, I hop off the bed and wait by the door, but just we were about to leave, Kanda stops me. As if it was the most normal thing in the world, he starts to mess with my hair, and I blush. "What are y-you doing?"

"Fixing your hair. It'll drive me crazy," he mutters as he tries to make my cowlick stay down. After a moment, I say, "It always sticks up. That's how cowlicks work."

He glares at the top of my head, and I continue, "Glaring at it won't help."

"Shut up," he says.

Because we're all under the upper hand,

And go mad for a couple grams.

We don't wanna go outside tonight.

We walk in silence along the corridor that led to the cafeteria. No one ever bothers Kanda anymore. Period. After what happened the first week, everyone's terrified of him. He had been allowed to go to the cafeteria, but when he got there, a finder he had quarreled with at some point brought up the heroin. Needless to say, I was the one that had to risk my head to get Kanda away from the finder, who at that point had a broken and bloody nose, and the bluenette had to stay in the infirmary for another week. Komui said that it wasn't Kanda's fault that it happened. Well, it was, but the anger was from the opiate withdrawal. Agitation was a side effect, and with Kanda, that meant extreme irritation and violence.

"You're awfully quiet, Moyashi," Kanda commented. I glare at him. "It's Allen, BaKanda."

"Still. Why aren't you babbling about something?"

"I thought it annoyed you."

"Everything annoys me. I'm finding that your silence annoys me more."

"What do you want me to talk about?"

"Your decision."

I sigh. "Regardless of the topic, you'll say it's stupid and tell me to shut up."

"When's the last time I've done that?"

"Five minutes ago."

He pauses. "Doesn't matter. Speak before I punch you."

"Lavi and Lenalee are dating now," I say. "Don't you think they make a good couple?"

He shrugs. "The rabbit's noisy enough. Imagine what he'd be like in bed."

"I try not to."

"Don't play dumb. You had a crush on him at one point."

"You don't know that!"

"It was pretty obvious."

"Well, I don't anymore!"

"Then who?"

I think about this for a moment. "No one."

"Fine. If you had to choose, who would you want to sleep with?"

"Kanda!"

"It's a simple question."

"That I'm not answering!"

"Then I'll answer it for you."

"Huh?" I ask before I'm pinned to the wall. Kanda watches my reaction, or actually, my lack of reaction.

And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland,

Or sell love to another man.

It's too cold outside for angels to fly.

Angels to fly.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You're going to let a drug addict and former prostitute to pin you to the wall?"

"You aren't a drug addict anymore."

"Could be."

"Blood tests show differently."

He doesn't reply, and I hesitantly wrap my arms around his neck. "And besides, I trust you."

"Why?" he asks, our lips so close that our breath mingled.

"I don't know," I whisper. "I shouldn't."

He smirks. "I won't hurt you."

"I know."

"I may break your heart."

"I know."

"Then why are you taking this chance?"

"I have no clue," I say before he clashes our lips together.

To fly, to fly.

For angels to fly,

To fly, to fly.

(Four months later)

I blink my eyes open. It was dark, but the bed was empty, and I sat up, glancing around. Light struggled to brighten the area from under the bathroom door, and I stand, wobbling towards it. When I open the door, I can't say I was shocked, but a small part was.

Kanda didn't even bother to hide the syringe as I look at him, and he leans his head against the wall. "Are you going to take me to Komui's?"

"Yes."

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

"Are you ever going to trust me again?"

"No."

He nods, stands, and waits for me to follow him toward Komui's office. As we walk, he whispers, "I'm sorry."

"No, you aren't."

"You're right."

"Is that the heroin talking?"

"Probably."

Or angels to die.

Author Note: Please, Please, PLEASE REVIEW, and suggest to friends!