"Hello, again, Bikini Cops!"
Andy jumped a mile in fright then groaned. "Don't you ever knock?" he groused.
"And it's Torchwood, you might remember," Rhys added from the small cooker in the Hub.
"Torchwood? Not Bikini Cops. You will never catch me in women's swimwear, thank you very much."
John cast a questioning look at Andy.
"Don't look at me!" Andy protested. "No way!"
"Well, Jack would," John said with certainty.
"Why are you here, anyway?" Andy asked. "Did Jack send for you?"
John cocked his head with impatience. "Do I need a reason to come round and say hello to my teammates? No, Jack didn't 'send' for me. I was just on my way out for a Saturday night in California. Thought I'd see how things were here. Where is old Jackie, anyway?"
"He's busy this afternoon," Rhys said quickly. "And if you're going, why not get on? From everything I hear, California doesn't wait for anybody."
John snickered. "I don't need anyone to wait for me," he said, grinning. "But… reckon I'll be off, since there's nothing needing doing here," he said, sauntering toward the invisible lift. "Oh. Almost forgot," he said, halfway up to the pavement. "Came across a bit of a Rift storm on my way in. Say it was about a category 3 or so. Now, of course, no real way of telling if it'll pop through our Rift, but… well, you know. Might want to keep an eye skinned. Well, have fun!"
"God, he's an awful twat," Rhys groused.
"No kidding. Think there's any truth to it? The Rift storm thing?"
"From him? Not bloody likely."
"Reckon we ought to ring Jack, though, just in case?"
Rhys sighed. "Maybe. Get the feeling he could do with having the rest of the afternoon to himself. Are we able to get anything on the tracker?"
"Jack's tracker or the Rift?" Andy said, bringing up another set of screens on the monitor bank.
"The Rift. No need to keep tabs on the boss," Rhys said, bringing a bowl of soup over to Andy's workstation.
"That's brilliant, thanks, Rhys. I've not seen anything on the Rift program, but you know how much good that does. It won't tell us it's going to rain blue ink until five minutes after two of us have walked in looking like Smurfs."
"Let's just keep an eye on the situation, if there is a situation. We'll talk to Jack later."
"Agreed," Andy nodded, tucking into his dinner.
"I'm getting hungry," Jack commented as he sat on the bench overlooking the river, his arm around Ianto's shoulders. "Are you hungry?"
"Should've had a proper lunch like I did," Ianto teased.
"Yeah, but that was…," Jack checked his watch. "Been a few hours. I didn't realise we've been out so long. I haven't heard from Rhys or Andy… maybe I oughta check in."
"It's alright if you need to go to work. Don't let me keep you away from what you need to do, ok? We can always plan for later."
"Yeah, but you've seen how much planning is worth. I'll just… maybe we can head on down to the bayside. I'll pop in for a moment, and then we can get a bite some place."
"Your offices, of a super-secret alien crime-fighting organization, are located at the bayside, the busiest area of Cardiff?"
Jack grinned. "Yep. Let's just say we have our ways. In fact… you know, you could come with me. Have a look at the place. I mean, since you know about me, and us. I'm ok with it. What do you say?"
"Really? Are you sure about that?" Ianto considered how awkward it could be having a partner drop in to a regular workplace, let alone some place that no one was supposed to know about.
"Yeah, sure I'm sure. After all, I am the Captain."
"The Captain, eh?" Ianto smirked.
"Yeah. Don't think we've actually been properly introduced. Captain Jack Harkness, as it happens," Jack said, offering his hand.
Ianto just laughed and shook Jack's hand.
"So, wanna come with?"
"Ok," Ianto said, picking up his jacket and following Jack out of the park.
"Where, exactly, are we going, Jack? This is a dead end, nothing down here but tourist information."
"Well, depends what you call 'tourists', doesn't it?" Jack said, leading Ianto down the boardwalk.
"Alien tourists… really?"
Jack shrugged. "Gotta admit, it works." Taking out his keys, he unlocked the door to the information office.
"Bloody hell," Ianto muttered.
"You think this is something, wait till you see the rest," Jack grinned. "This is just the front for tourists."
Ianto turned to Jack. "If I were a tourist coming here for information, I'd never come back to Wales. Doesn't anyone tidy?"
Jack look a little taken aback. "We… don't usually bother, no. Generally busy, ya know, saving the world. I'm tidy at home, though…. The flat, I mean."
Ianto looked skeptical but followed along when Jack opened a hidden door in the wall that lead down a corridor to a lift. He had a feeling that the reason Jack's loft was tidy was that he didn't really spend any time there other than when Ianto was round. As he and Jack stepped off the lift, Jack pressed a button on his leather wrist cuff and a massive cog wheel rolled aside, revealing… a cavernous, industrial, concrete-and-metal, underground… well, lair was the only word that came to Ianto's mind. "You've got to be kidding…," Ianto murmured.
"Evening, guys! What's goin' on?" Jack called out.
"Jack?" Rhys called back, coming up from the cells. "I was just heading out. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, fine. I just wanted to check in. Thought I'd bring Ianto along, give him the PR tour," Jack said, reaching over to wrap an arm around Ianto's waist.
"We have a PR tour?" Rhys said confused.
"You know what I mean. Uh… can I have a second, actually, Rhys?"
"Yeah. What is it?"
"Give me a second?" Jack said, kissing Ianto's cheek and stepping away with Rhys.
"What's going on, Jack? Is there a problem?" Rhys asked quietly.
"Not really, no. I just, wanted to know if you're ok with this. With Ianto knowing, I mean. He does work with Gwen and all."
Rhys nodded. "It's fine, Jack. From everything I can gather, Ianto isn't the most chatty bloke at work. Don't think he'll be having a gossip about aliens over the coffee."
"Yeah, I'm fairly certain there's no danger of that. But…." Jack sighed. "You retconned Gwen last night. Meanwhile, the guy I'm dating is getting the VIP experience."
"Jack. You've met Gwen. Can you imagine her reaction to aliens? She'd want to bring them home and foster them or something." Rhys shook his head. "It's fine, Jack. What's sauce for the goose isn't necessarily sauce for the gander, eh?"
"Ok. I just wanted to be sure."
Rhys grinned and shook his head. "Why don't you get with your PR tour? I'm heading home to look in on Gwen."
"Right, ok. Good. Have a good evening, Rhys."
"You as well," Rhys smiled. "Ring me if anything happens. See you later, Ianto. Enjoy the tour!" Rhys said, heading out through the cog door.
"Yeah…," Ianto breathed. "Um, Jack… there's a… well, I think it's a pteranodon…."
"Yep, she's our guard-dog. Kinda. Actually, all she does is eat fish and squawk a lot. We call her Myfawny."
"Right. Alright, then."
Jack chuckled. "She's our only dinosaur, I promise. If you'd like, you can come and see one of the aliens, though. We have cells to house visitors who can't get relocated straight away, or at all. Don't usually have many guests, but there's one particular Weevil who… well, all Weevils have the capacity for aggression toward humans, but for the most part, they stay underground, in the sewers. We really only have to get involved when one comes up and causes a disturbance. Janet is kinda odd. She tolerates us, maybe just from exposure, but she was… problematic when we brought her in. I don't kill them, or anything, unless I don't have any other choice."
"Weevils? Didn't you say you'd been attacked by one? A fortnight ago?"
Jack nodded. "Yeah, unfortunately."
"And they're all over the city?"
"Yep."
"Bit like knowing that for every spider you see, there are 100 you don't."
"Exactly like that, yeah."
"If you don't mind, I think I'd rather pass on meeting your Janet."
"Quite alright," Jack said. "I'll stick to the reasonably normal stuff."
"Like that hand in a jar?"
"That is one of the less weird things, yes," Jack laughed. "A lot of it's tech stuff, really. Our computers have a really cool mainframe that I won't bore you with. Now, your mate Toshiko would love it. You, however… I can show you our archives."
"Seriously?" Ianto said, his eyes widening.
"Right this way," Jack said with a flourish. "So, as you see, this is sort of our main floor, workstations all around and so forth. We also have a surgery theatre over there and a basic sick bay. What we don't have, naturally, is a medic. My office is up there – I'll show you that after. And the greenhouse where we're able to study flora from other worlds. Now, down this way, it gets a little labyrinthine, so stay close."
While Ianto had been quite interested to have a peek at the archives of a century-old time-and-space organization, he was quickly dismayed to find the archives in no better order than the little tourist office had been. Stuff was everywhere, some in various iterations of filing boxes, with and without lids, some in Tesco carrier bags, some just generally sat around on shelves, desks, and floors. File folders, bursting with papers, littered every surface, many stacked precariously in front of drawers. There was no discernable system to any of it, and Jack had said that was just the first of more than a dozen archive rooms.
A few minutes into Ianto's staring around, mind-boggled, Andy walked through from another adjoining room with a box of files.
"Oh, Jack…. You didn't ring did you? I was down here for a bit, trying to pull some stuff together. What's up? Uh… hello, Ianto."
"Hello. Again," Ianto said, still looking around and shaking his head.
"I didn't phone, Andy. Everything's fine. I just wanted to pop in and see what was going on, and decided to prove to Ianto that I'm not as crazy as I sound," he smiled.
"He didn't take you down to the cells, did he?" Andy asked.
"Uh, no. I passed on that for the moment, thanks."
"Smart man. What are you doin' with our Jack, then?"
"Well, I was gonna ask if you needed me to stay around this evening, but after that remark…," Jack huffed. "Come on up and have a look at my command center," Jack said, steering Ianto back out of the archives.
"I told you before, Jack, we're fine. Your mate did drop in for a moment earlier, though."
Jack rolled his eyes. "What did he want?"
"Just to be a bother, near as I could tell. As usual. He did say something about a Rift storm out there somewhere, but he gave no specifics and we've got nothing on any of the monitors. I've got them set to high sensitivity, though, just in case something comes anywhere near us."
Jack nodded. "Ok. Keep me posted if anything comes up."
"Will do, Captain," Andy said, dropping the load of files beside his desk and pulling one out at random.
Jack held his office door open for Ianto. "This is where the magic happens," he said, sitting down behind his desk. "Kinda cool, huh?"
"You definitely look like a Captain," Ianto smiled, pulling up the chair beside him.
"I have a little bunker under this office," Jack said, pointing to the ladder in the corner. "I probably spend 90% of my off hours there. Just seems easier than heading back to the flat most of the time," he shrugged. "Still, not much of a place to bring a date, and sometimes I really just need to not stay in the Hub for a while."
"That's understandable," Ianto nodded. "That's a nice old coat," he said, nodding at the stand. "Captain's stripes and all."
Jack got up and fetched his greatcoat, slipping it on. "I've had this coat ever since I first came here," he said. "Haven't always worn it, but rather frequently it sort of cycles back into my wardrobe. We've kinda been through a lot together."
"Like breakfast?" Ianto asked wryly.
"Huh?"
"Egg, on your collar. You need a butler, you do."
Jack frowned and scratched at the spot. "It was a busy week," he pouted. Jack took his coat back off and hung it up. "Let's get something to eat, huh?
As he and Jack headed back down through the Hub and said good evening to Andy, Ianto took a second look around and started to notice the sheer amount of trash strewn about. Especially the beer cans and pizza boxes. He'd been joking before, but he was starting to think Jack seriously did need someone to manage the place. A butler would have his work cut out in a place like this!