"So, what do you think? You still wanna give this a shot, now that you've seen and heard… a fair bit?" Jack asked over starters.

Ianto reached across the table and held Jack's hand. "Actually, if anything, I'm more sure than I was before. Before, I wondered sometimes what it was I sensing just under your 'surface'. I get it now, though. And I'm really… well, honoured, that you felt you could share it with me."

Jack exhaled a short puff in relief. "You know, even more than that, I just felt that I couldn't not share it with you. We haven't been together long, but I was already so tired of keeping things from you and so worried that it would eventually be the end of us. I don't want that, Ianto. If we, one day, do decide to… go separate ways, I don't want it to be because I'd been lying to you." Jack was quiet for a moment, glancing away. "It's been such a long time since someone I was with knew me. Sometimes I'm not even sure I know me anymore."

Ianto lifted his hand to Jack's cheek. "Maybe we could 'find' you together," he smiled.

"Ianto?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you say about skipping dessert tonight?"

Ianto grinned. "I'd say you're trying to watch my figure."

"It is a very nice figure to watch," Jack conceded.

"I think I'd like to skip dessert," Ianto said. "Though, maybe we can have a nightcap or… something. At mine, if you like?"

"I'd very much like," Jack smiled.

"You make me feel so alive," Jack murmured, curling in against Ianto, careful not to put too much weight on him despite Ianto's arm wrapped tightly around his back.

"I was just thinking the same thing," Ianto said, running his fingers through Jack's hair and down the back of his neck. "I haven't felt like this in a long time. In fact, I'm not sure I ever have. It's just different with you."

Jack smiled down at Ianto and kissed him before rolling them aside. "Can I ask you something?" Jack said after a while.

"Sure," Ianto said, fingers still playing through Jack's hair.

"Well, I know you said you used to date a woman. But, it's kinda obvious I'm not your first guy, either. Not that it matters, because it really doesn't. Just… there aren't a whole lot of people who are particularly comfortable with acknowledging the range or fluidity of human sexuality. Not in this century, yet."

Ianto blinked a couple times, then said, "If there was a question, I think I missed it."

Jack laughed, mostly at himself. "I guess it wasn't really a question, was it? More of an observation."

"Ti'n dwp," Ianto said fondly, giving Jack a little peck on the lips. "I'm willing to bet what you were getting around to, in a roundabout way, was a question of sexual history and comfort levels…."

"You already know me better than I know myself. I guess that kind of was what I was getting at. But, really, like I said, it doesn't matter. As long as you're good with what's going on now, that's all I care about."

"It's alright, Jack," Ianto promised, snuggling in a bit. "I'm fine with talking about it. I didn't date at all until I went to London for university. It… well… it wasn't very comfortable at home, for me. But once I got to uni, everything was entirely different. I dated a few guys, didn't really think much of it at the time, I suppose. I knew I was kind of trying to figure myself out, so everything for me at that time basically just dabbling. And then I met Lisa and it was like… I felt like I didn't have to figure anything else out, that was it. I'd never felt so right. Until things started going wrong."

"Yeah. I've been through that kind of thing. May I ask what it was that happened?"

Ianto sighed. "Yes, you may. Because what happened with her… in a way, it's a part of me. I wouldn't expect someone to understand who I am without knowing about that part of my life. When she and I met and fell in love, everything was different. She was… beautiful, yes, but more than anything, she was so smart and so fun to be with – in that completely natural way, you know? When I was with her, I felt completely at ease. For the first time in my life, really. We were together almost three years. The first couple were idyllic. Then she took a new job – she was a data analyst – and almost immediately things weren't the same. At first I just thought it was the job and transition and all, only it kept getting worse. Her whole personality changed. She didn't smile anymore, she would snap at me about things that made no sense to me…. I thought I was just doing my part, tidying up around the flat, and she would tear into me for it. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. It made me feel like I was 10 years old again. I didn't want to leave her, though. I was so sure things would eventually go back to how they'd been. It was just a rough patch, and we'd come through in time." Ianto was quiet for a few long moments. "It wasn't until she ended up in hospital that I found out about the drugs."

Jack let out a sympathetic breath and held Ianto tighter. "I'm sorry."

"So was I. I felt like I'd failed her in some way. Like I should have seen it and got her help sooner. I brought her back here with me, to Cardiff. I thought things would be better here, less crowded and impersonal than London. I could spend more time looking after her, helping her get better. She… wasn't having it, though. I thought there was some hope for a while, there was rehab and I thought it was making a difference, or it would. In the end, though… it wasn't enough. Or I wasn't."

"It wasn't you," Jack whispered, "please believe that. It wasn't about you at all. Addiction is only ever about the user and the drug. Users can have every good reason in the world to quit, but if their drug has built a high enough wall around them, they won't see any of it. Sometimes even the best professionals aren't 'enough' to help dismantle the walls."

"I know you're right. It's taken me a long time to work through it, losing her was like losing my future. Nothing made sense anymore. I tried to bury it in working, which is probably the only thing that got me through it at first. I didn't even take a bereavement leave because I thought the worst thing I could do at that moment would be to slow down. I needed to feel useful after that. I didn't even have any mates left, the few who stayed in touch after she started to change quit talking to me completely after she died. Tosh was the only person who didn't treat me like a pariah, and she's the only one at work who knew what had been going on with me. She's not only my best mate, but my only mate, really. And I really don't mean that derisively."

"No, of course not," Jack said understandingly. "You've been through an awful lot for someone so young. I'm starting to see where you get your strength. And I'm even sorrier now that I didn't tell you about myself sooner. You shouldn't have had to go through that with me."

Ianto shook his head, though. "You didn't know about Lisa, and you had to protect yourself, too, Jack. That wasn't your fault."

"Are you always so understanding, Ianto?" Jack asked, hugging him close.

"I just never believed in imposing my personal expectations on others. I'd be a bloody miserable bastard, waiting for the world to get back to wearing tailored three-piece suits every day. Everyone's got something they're struggling with, that's just life."

"You are wise beyond your years, Ianto Jones," Jack said, kissing his forehead. It made him a bit sad, though, knowing that kind of wisdom could only come from experiencing far too much difficulty too early in life.

"What about you, Jack?" Ianto asked. "Has it always been men for you?"

Jack smiled. "We could be up all night discussing my history, for a variety of reasons. But, no, I've been with all sorts – male, female, neither, humanoid, alien…. It's not really much of a big deal by the 51st century. Not to say I'm representative of everyone from my time. Contrary to popular sci-fi, we're not all completely omnisexual. There are still exclusively straight, exclusively gay, exclusively anthrosexual, exclusively xenosexual…."

"Xenosexual…?"

"Attracted to alien, or more broadly, non-humanoid species."

"And you've been with aliens?"

Jack grinned again and nodded. "I once had a boyfriend who didn't have a mouth."

"How long did that last?" Ianto chuckled.

"A while, actually. Until he got reassigned to another spacestation. Little short of a year, I think."

"Well, at least you didn't have many arguments, I reckon."

"You'd be surprised. The looks he could give me… ouch. Words were not needed, trust me."

Ianto couldn't help laughing at that. "The things you must have seen," he said, shaking his head.

"I've seen some sights," Jack nodded. "None to match this though," he added, stroking Ianto's cheek.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Charmer, you."

"Yeah, I can be," Jack smirked. "I mean it, though. I get lost looking at you."

"Here I thought I was supposed to help you get found," Ianto said quietly.

"I think that's what happens when I get lost in you," Jack whispered.

Jack sighed halfway through his second cup of coffee. "I guess I really oughta put myself back on the rota for the rest of the day."

Ianto smiled somewhere ruefully. "I guess we really haven't been out of one another's sight since Friday evening, have we?"

"No, we haven't. Not that I'm complaining."

"Neither am I," Ianto said, reaching out for Jack's hand. "I do understand, though. I don't want to be taking up all your time. I'm not like that."

"I know you aren't," Jack said, holding Ianto's hand between his. "When I get in, I'll have a look at the Rift predictor and see if there's a quiet evening coming up, ok? We'll make plans. And I'll do my best to keep them."

"It's alright, Jack. You know my evenings and weekends are free. Whenever works for you, I'll be here."

"Beautiful words from a beautiful man," Jack smiled softly before getting up to go get dressed.

A few minutes later, Jack returned to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist as he was doing the washing up. Jack didn't say anything, just rested his chin on Ianto's shoulder while Ianto dried his hands and reached up to stroke Jack's cheek.

"I love you, Ianto," Jack murmured.

Ianto shifted round in Jack's arms and kissed him soundly. "I love you, too, Jack. Promise me you'll be careful out there?"

Jack smiled softly and traced Ianto's lip with his thumb. "You don't have to worry. I'll always come back."

"That's not what I meant," Ianto said, shaking his head. "You said it hurts, coming back. Well, I don't want you going through that. I don't want you to have to suffer. So… try not to get killed, huh?"

Jack held Ianto close. "I'll be as careful as I can be. And it's worth it, coming back for you."

"Jack, I was thinking…," Ianto said as Jack stepped back. "Your office. It's…," Ianto sighed, "it's a bloody mess in there."

Jack smirked. "Yeah, I know. I'll tidy up next time I'm bringing visitors, I promise."

"Well, actually, I thought maybe I could lend a hand. I mean, obviously the three of you are run off your feet keeping the whole of South Wales safe. I wouldn't mind coming in now and then, just to help out on the upkeep."

Jack gave him a look. "Yeah, but you already work full-time."

Ianto shrugged. "I could come in weekends, evenings sometimes."

"And when would you have any time for yourself?" Jack pointed out.

"What am I doing with my off-hours now? My flat's not going to suddenly start generating its own clutter to keep me busy."

"Thanks for the offer," Jack said, rubbing Ianto's shoulder, "but I don't know if it would be a good idea. Torchwood… it's just not a good working environment, trust me."

"It could be better if you had -"

Jack pulled Ianto in for a kiss, then cupped his cheek. "We can talk about it another time. I better go before I end up dragging you back to bed," Jack winked.

Ianto sighed as Jack kissed his cheek, picked up his keys, and hurried off.