A/N: Hey everyone! Here's the new chapter! Please drop a review :) and don't forget to thank BG-13!

War was hell. That was the most apt way of describing the carnage and ruin it brought. There was nowhere to run, or hide, and the terrain Korra and her soldiers found themselves on was unforgiving. Everything happened too fast for anyone to catch their breath, and their ears rung from every explosion.

The colonel dove out of the way and back into the trenches, taking cover from the grenade. Dust, dirt, rock, and grime showered over them and clung to their clothes and skin like a second layer. Bullets flew past them, occasionally hitting their targets and showering blood on whoever happened to be standing nearby. They tried advancing, tried to block out the moans and whimpers and cries of those lying in the dirt, at death's door as Healers and Nonbending medics did what they could.

"Move, move, move!" she cried, firing back, as she ordered her troops to better ground.

Bodies jerked from impact, and then fell. Korra gripped her weapon tighter in her hand. Ducking back down, blue eyes squeezed shut as she tried to catch her breath. She shouldn't have come here. She should have stayed in the City. One soldier shook her shoulder and her eyes snapped open to see Rhodes signalling that he was sending in the Firebenders. The new Bender nodded before turning back to her squadron.

"Shift your fire!"

The Nonbending gunners covered their Firebending comrades, but even with that extra protection, some hit the ground never to stand again. The Water Tribe woman watched and heard the cries for help. Those were the ones that she ordered be retrieved. Korra turned just in time to see the grenade, but didn't move quick enough to avoid it entirely, managing to use a bit of Airbending to at least soften the blow. .

The blast sent her backwards, skidding across the ground, rock digging into her arm and side. Her ears rung, her vision was shaken as she tried to push herself back up only to nearly collapse. She lifted her head...and was met by a glazed over gaze. A very familiar gaze. A sound not quite human left her mouth as she tried to swallow her cry. It was Joey...

Multiple bodies...

Joey...

Amy...

Manny...

Julie...

Ben...

All shredded, missing limbs, their blood soaking into the ground, features burned and almost unrecognizable. But Korra knew it was them, even if it was impossible for them to be there now. She pressed her face into the dirt, hoping maybe it would all go away. But even behind closed lids she could see them, and how she'd left them... How they'd left her...

Everything sped back up when she felt someone grab her shoulder once more and she jerked up, disregarding the pain in her body as he helped her sit up. "The Firebenders are being forced into a retreat. What do we do?"

Blue eyes scanned the chaos. These soldiers had been assigned to her. And she couldn't lead them. "Get back to Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes, I'll cover you as you head for safety."

"Are you mad!" the Bender yelled, ducking instinctively at the sound of firing bullets. "You'll die! You're our commanding officer-"

"That's an order!" she snapped back. "You want to live to fight another day you'll take the wounded and do as you're told."

"What do we tell the lieutenant colonel?"

What Korra was about to do could never be undone. She was about to become a deserter, a coward. And yet she couldn't stop herself from digging into her pocket and pulling out a piece of paper and scribbling a couple lines down before folding it and giving it to her subordinate. "This is for his eyes only. Make sure he gets it."

The man's amber eyes studied her before he slowly nodded. "Yes, sir."

The Colonel nodded her head quickly before turning around to face the Earth Empire troops. She kneeled down, placing her palms flat against the rock before pulling up in one sharp movement, and a thick and wide slab of earth came with, blocking her troops from harm. It worked, but she could feel the opposing force's Earthbenders trying to break through her new defense. Her hold wavered as her sore body cried in protest. She grit her teeth.

The sound of something hitting the ground next to her was all too familiar and this time she quickly swung her arm around, forming a thick protective dome around her body before the explosion could happen. She felt the earth continue to shake before she pushed out, crawling out of her dome.

She took a deep breath, looking around. She pushed herself up to her feet, stumbling as she ran away from the fiery and cratered battlefield, chest constricting with every step she took.

Walking into the mansion had never been so daunting. This had been her home for so many years, but after everything, it seemed so unwelcoming and more like a death sentence. She opened the door, closing it gently behind her. It had been a month or so since she'd set foot here.

The only light that was on was in the kitchen, so that's where Korra went, still lugging her bag on her shoulder. Upon entering the kitchen she was greeted by the sight of Asami standing by the bar, eyes trained on her laptop screen. She looked at her, watched as her teeth bit her thumbnail, her brow furrowed in contemplation, that mind of hers working overtime while the other hand holds a mug of what Korra can only assume to be coffee.

It almost made her smile, until she saw those green eyes flicker up to meet her gaze. Silence filled the ten feet between them, and it killed Korra. Because she had put it there. First with the argument and her leaving, and then with pulling a disappearing act on the battlefield. No doubt, many people had worried.

"I thought you'd left." There was no emotion in Asami's voice, and her face was just as unreadable as it had been the last time they'd seen each other.

"I-"

"But, you know, I couldn't be quite sure, seeing as you didn't bother to say goodbye," the heiress cut off. "And then the next thing I hear is that no one, not even Mako or your parents, know where you've gone. You've just vanished, and no one knows if you're dead, or captured, or injured."

This is Asami angry. She looks and sounds calm, her words are pronounced with purpose and deliberation. Greater men and women than Korra have not lived to tell the tale of facing this version of the normally cordial woman.

"I'm sorry I worried you." That's all she can think to say, even though she knows it's not enough. "I shouldn't have left, but I-"

"No. You shouldn't have. So why did you?"

"I'm just... My head's not... I keep saying and doing the wrong things." She thinks back to seeing her team's disfigured and shredded bodies, watching the blood pool and knowing the guilt she feels in her very being won't go away no matter what she does. She thinks of that overwhelming urge to run, and how that's exactly what she did. None of it had felt like her. But then again, she hadn't been her in a very long time.

Korra's eyes look down, suddenly finding the ground much more interesting. "I don't want people to rely on me. I can't... I just wanted what was best for everyone."

"And you thought running was what was best? Or was it what was best for you?"

The tension in the kitchen is suffocating, and Korra's feels that horrible pressure in her chest. "I don't know."

Asami can feel the disappointment and the anger and outrage building up inside, she can feel it boiling in her veins. She's so mad, and sad, and she wishes she could just ... But she can't because won't keep doing this. She can't keep doing this. She takes a deep breath, the first outward sign she's made of any inner turmoil. "Regardless, we'll have to find a way to move on from this."

Korra meets Asami's steel like gaze once more. "How?"

One elegant brow raised as Asami raised the mug of coffee to her lips. "Oh, I don't know. You seem to be the one that knows what's best," she says over the rim of the mug before she takes a drink. "You figure it out, and get back to me." And just like that the conversation is over as Asami leaves the kitchen and makes her way outside to her workshop.

Korra stands alone in the kitchen, that pressure in her chest intensifying and leaving her feeling completely empty. She's completely lost Asami. And she has no one to blame but herself.

Dread and shame had settled in her body when she'd received the summons to her father's Republic City office after she'd called her mother to let her know she was alive. Senna's relief had been palpable and easily heard over the phone as she told her daughter she'd be heading straight to the city.

She walked into the base, only to be met by a fist to the face. She fell, fully aware of the soldiers lingering in the hall as she got back to her feet. Rhodes stood before her, furious beyond all reason and was prepared to punch her again before two of the other soldiers grabbed and restrained him. He yelled at her, calling her stupid for exposing herself to the enemy and the wilderness, for not letting anyone know she was alive the second she reached civilization.

Korra said nothing as she wiped at her mouth, blood leaking from her lip as she watched her friend. Finally, Mako just shrugged off his would-be restraints and left, his anger lingering even after he left, and the awkwardness from the cadets only making the situation worse. She didn't blame Mako. He wasn't the one at fault here.

But now she stood before her father, and she could feel those emotions again bubbling and twisting her stomach. She knew, she knew exactly how this conversation was going to go.

"Do you know what the punishment is for deserting in the middle of a war." They both knew she did.

"Prison."

He stood from behind his desk, towering over her, his jaw clenched, his eyes showing so much disappointment. "Exactly." The word was ground out. "Do you have any idea the strings I had to pull, the favors I had to cash in to keep that from happening."

Korra's eyes shut momentarily as she took a deep breath. "My apologies, sir."

Tonraq stared hard at her. "What the hell happened to you?" When his daughter didn't answer his fist slammed against the wood of his desk. "Dammit, Korra! What the hell happened!"

"I don't know."

He moved around his desk now. "You were a Colonel, a force of nature. Passionate, focused, a fighter," he continued. "But you've gone soft! You ran away in the middle of a battle, leaving your soldiers behind. So don't tell me you don't know. I need a better answer than that!"

"I don't know, Sir."

His jaw clenched and in one swift, harsh move he brusquely pulling off her military tags signaling her rank. "As of today you are to be held in dishonorable suspension until further notice. You should be discharged for your actions but considering your previous impeccable military record and my own objection, this will do for now. Turn in all your military gear, civilian."

A knot had formed in her throat but she nodded, for there was nothing she could do, nothing that hadn't been said or done that she knew she didn't deserve. So she simply nodded her head and offered a salute before leaving his office. The Waterbender could feel the stares as she walked to her locker and even as she changed her clothes, handing everything over as instructed before heading back to the mansion.

The Colonel sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded together as she slumped forward and her eyes remained trained on the bag of stuff at her feet. Everything was wrong. Everything was ruined. Everything was falling apart at the seams. Asami wasn't talking to her, their relationship was crumbling. She'd screwed up. She kept screwing everything up. She never thought the silence would cut into her like this, drive her to the brink like it had.

Slowly, she forced her body to stand and pick up the black military issue knapsack and sit it on the bed. She dug around until she pulled out the holster where she kept her gun. She took it out, cradling it carefully in her hand, inspecting it.

Naga whined at her feet, jumping so that her white paws landed on the woman's hip and Korra looked down at her dog and smiled. She sat the gun on the sheets and patted the white fluffball's head before grabbing her ball off the bed. The mutt went wild, hopping down and spinning in a circle as she waited for her owner to throw it, her tail wagging furiously.

Korra opened the door to the room and threw the ball out into the hall, Naga speeding by her to get at it. That would keep her entertained for a while. She shut the door and went back to pick up her gun, turning off the safety. She then walked into the bathroom and sat the weapon down on the counter, looking up at herself in the mirror.

It wasn't her staring back. The woman staring back was tired and her shoulders sagged forward. The woman staring back was beaten and broken and lost. The woman staring back wasn't Korra, wasn't even close. Korra would be standing tall. Korra would laugh and smile. Korra would know exactly what to say and how to act toward the woman she loved. Korra would never hurt Asami. Korra would be allowed to help her comrades because she wasn't a fuck up.

Korra wouldn't feel like this, wouldn't hit this kind of low.

A tan hand wrapped around the gun, ready to fire one shot, just one shot. When her eyes met the mirror again, what she saw was different. She was in uniform, and her team was standing behind her. Ben had his hand on her shoulder, and instinctively her free hand reached for it but was met with air. His eyes were boring into hers, his mouth set in a grim line. He wasn't happy.

Neither was she.

Korra's hand trembled as she raised the gun and pressed into her temple in a mock salute. Tears were streaming down her face. It hurt so much. No more. No more.

Naga barked outside the closed door, whining and scratching at the wood. When she wasn't allowed entrance she turned and ran down the stairs and out the doggy door toward the garage where Asami was working on her suit. Or trying to. She wasn't really making much headway. The heiress looked up upon the pup's entrance as she started barking and whining.

That was odd. Naga didn't usually-

Bang

It was a cold panic that had carried her back into the mansion, that had sent her racing up the stairs and into the bedroom, Naga leading the way. Asami followed as the mutt ran to the closed bathroom door.

The door flew open, banging against the wall but the woman paid it no mind. Her focus resting on the convulsing brunette on the spacious bathroom floor. Naga whined from the doorway as Asami pulled out her cell phone and called 911.

There was no blood, she noted with some relief. But the gun, the source of the sound that had chilled her to the bone, sat not to far away, having been dropped once Korra's seizure had started.

Adrenaline was still pumping through the engineer's system when the paramedics arrived. It was still there while she waited in the hospital waiting room. It didn't start to fade until she was allowed into Korra's room.

As soon as she sat down in the chair next to her oldest friend's bed her entire body slumped and her thoughts slowed drastically, almost to a halt. That's when everything slowed down and the big picture came into focus. What had really just happened.

Korra had tried to kill herself.

She was only alive by some miracle.

And where had Asami been?

Oh, Spirits.

The ravenette's throat suddenly felt blocked and couldn't breathe. Then, against her will, her shoulders began to shake and this strangled, gurgled sound got passed her lips. Her oil stained hand blindly searched for the tan one that lay limp on the bed while her other hand covered her mouth in an effort to suppress the sound.

Waking up was miserable. The light hurt her eyes as soon as they tried to open and she felt a sharp stab of pain in her temples. Blue eyes blinked several times, trying to adjust. And when they did, she was greeted by a drab eggshell white room and those annoying, buzzing, fluorescent lights. Hospital. It had to be a hospital.

Korra's chest tightened when she tried to move her arm and was met with resistance. It took effort to move her head, but she was suddenly ten times more awake when she realized that her wrists and ankles were tied to the uncomfortable hospital bed. She took in a sharp breath when she realized why, remembered everything and that horrible feeling in her chest felt crushing, unbearable, and it was suddenly hard to swallow.

Her vision blurred as her head thudded back against the pillow, lip caught between her teeth as she tried not to make a sound. But her breathing was uneven and no matter how hard she tried to squeeze her eyes shut tears still found their way free to trail down into her hair.

Kuvira hummed thoughtfully as she looked at the battle map in front of her, toying with the pieces as she received new reports of the enemy's position. The United Nations had been quick to double up their defenses after her attack on one of Future Industries warehouses. Of course, it had all been part of her plan. The spies she had in the different nations had given her valuable information and it seemed that, even if slightly, she was in far better position than they were. The scepter next to her glowed and she turned her attention to it.

"Colonel Jordan?" the Metalbender asked.

"Is still alive," Vaatu answered with a growl. "Raava managed to interfere."

"Another disappointment, I see. The Spirits are not as effective as they once were, it would seem."

"Watch your tongue, mortal," the dark Spirit replied. "Do not forget who gave you the power you possess."

The raven haired general chuckled, shaking her head. "I was just making an observation." She took in a deep breath, picking up a piece shaped like that of the Southern Tribe Colonel. "No matter. I will crush her in no times," she added dismissively while clenching her fist and crushing the piece into dust.

"Kuvira?"

"What is it, Baatar?"

"The Northern flanks have gained territory as you predicted," the man answered pushing his glasses back up. "However, we did suffer several casualties. We need to send reinforcements."

"Then do so."

"We've sent everyone enlisted."

She moved a few pieces forward, humming thoughtfully. "Then recruit all available and able-bodied men and women from the nation over eighteen years of age."

The former Beifong remained silent for a moment. "Are you asking that we forcefully recruit soldiers?" he asked sharply.

The Great Uniter turned to face him. "I'm asking you to do what is necessary to maintain our advantage," she finally answered. "They will be rewarded for their valiant efforts when this is over."

Baatar flexed his jaw before giving her a salute and heading out, a horrible twisting in his gut. He doubted that parents and their children would see the rewards as simply as his fiance did.