Kakashi: Karma

Kakashi stared into space for several long minutes, lone eye glazed, after Naruto and Haku left the house.

"I didn't realise your brat cross-dressed too," the Demon in the Mist said mildly from across the room, calmly polishing his immense blade.

"I didn't either," Kakashi muttered faintly. Is this some kind of divine punishment for all those years of Icha Icha? "He looks more like his mother than I realised."

"Who was his mother anyway?"

Kakashi glanced over at the nukenin, unwilling to comment.

"Uzumaki, Uzumaki," Zabuza said conversationally to no-one in particular, "Hey, wasn't the Akashi an Uzu-"

"Well done," the copy-nin interrupted, "she was indeed."

"Heh," the swordsman chuckled, "no wonder he's good with that blade of his."

Neither Sasuke nor Sakura noticed this exchange, Sasuke having gone outside to train and Sakura having retreated to the bedroom for reasons known only to her.

"I never would have pegged the Red Death's son as a cross-dresser though," Zabuza went on, "he doesn't seem the type."

"Naruto had an unusual upbringing," Kakashi managed, fishing out the orange-jacketed neurology book Ame had given him. "He was raised by geisha."

"Lucky, lucky brat," the nukenin muttered. "But I can see how being brought up by a bunch of pretty women could influence an impressionable child." He paused thoughtfully. "Haku's case is different. Cross-dressing is practically traditional in the Yukimaki clan."

"Really?"

"Aa. They are supposedly descended from a number of Yuki-onna. Yukimaki women are all beautiful and the men are indistinguishable from the women; slender, pale and gorgeous, the lot of them. As such there are two main schools of thought that the men subscribe to: Firstly, those who dress according to their gender and brutally slaughter those who mistake them for women; Lastly, those who deliberately dress as women in order to be underestimated and overlooked. They're all a bit strange, though."

"Most clans are," Kakashi pointed out.

"True. Part of the problem is that a lot of the women wear men's clothing for practical reasons and they all have gender-indeterminate names. It's creepy."

Kakashi chuckled slightly at the image Zabuza's description conjured up. "I can see how that would be stressful for outsiders."

"Never, ever flirt with a Yukimaki unless you have proved beyond doubt which gender they are," the Demon in the Mist said fervently. "Just don't go there."

A little over an hour later Kakashi sensed Naruto's highly distinctive chakra returning from the direction of the village. Having nothing better to do the jounin set out to meet up with the shopping expedition.

The copy-nin had not expected there to be anyone other than the two assigned ninjas present, so the yelp of shock when he materialised out of the bushes was quite unfortunate.

"Shit!" the brown-haired teen gasped, almost dropping the bags he was carrying. "You never mentioned ninja, Naru-chan."

Naruto blushed pinkly, an image of abashed civilian girlishness. "Gomen nasai, Ichiro-kun. Hatake-san escorted us to Wave so we would be safe from bandits."

The stocky fifteen-year-old local blinked, then nodded firmly. "I understand completely. I should have realised. I apologize for nearly dropping your purchases."

"They are undamaged; you have nothing to be sorry for, Ichiro-san," Haku said softly, voice barely above a whisper. "And we should have warned you."

"I'm sure I have some money left I can give you, Ichiro-kun," Naruto said earnestly, blue eyes wide and innocent, "We must have inconvenienced you most terribly, bringing you all the way out here."

"No, I couldn't possibly take money," the young man insisted, "but I'll gladly accept a kiss from cute little Naru-chan."

Kakashi had never been more grateful for his mask.

Naruto smiled sweetly and kissed the older boy tenderly on the lips. "Arigatou for everything, Ichiro-kun."

"You are most welcome," Ichiro said, blushing scarlet with pride and embarrassment. "I leave these ladies in your care, ninja-san," he added before dashing off.

Kakashi waited until the young man was well out of sight and earshot before picking up the bags and leading the way back to Tazuna's house. He did not speak at all to either Naruto or Haku; the jounin's thoughts clamoured too loudly for conversation to be possible.

Does Naruto prefer other boys? Is that the real reason he is so comfortable in women's clothing?

The copy-nin did not actually get around to debriefing Naruto for his 'sub-mission' until after dinner. By then Naruto had changed back into his grey hakama and gi top and washed off the make-up; a change Kakashi was grateful for.

It is not homophobia; I am not homophobic. The stumbling block is his heritage, not his behaviour. It was very clear to Kakashi by now that -although the blond had inherited certain aspects of both of his parents- Naruto was very much his own person.

The almost-thirteen-year-old gave his sensei a detailed yet concise report of the shopping trip: from the pinched faces of the village children to the limited availability of all non-local foodstuffs.

"Just one question, Naruto-kun," Kakshi said at the end of the recitation, "why kiss the Ichiro boy?"

The blond looked puzzled. "It was in character, Kakashi-sensei. All through the afternoon I played Naru-chan as shy but extremely affectionate. To have acted otherwise would have been suspicious."

"You don't seem bothered by having to kiss another boy," the jounin drawled. There was something under the surface here. Something important.

"It isn't an issue; I am a ninja and my personal preferences will never jeopardise the outcome of a mission," Naruto said firmly. "I am loyal to Konoha and will serve as my Hokage sees fit."

Noting the failure of that line of inquiry, Kakashi decided to approach the issue from another direction.

"Naruto, what is sex about?"

"Depends," the blond replied slowly, eyeing his sensei warily and clearly baffled by the question. "From what Hibana-nee told me -she's the geisha who gave me the Talk- most fundamentally sex is for reproduction. Humans are no different from dogs or even lizards in that respect. But for humans there are physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects as well. Physically it's about pleasure, of course. Mentally it's about trust. Emotionally it's about intimacy and comfort. Spiritually it's about forming strong bonds with the people who matter to you. Why are you asking, Sensei?"

Ah. Oh dear. I suppose his outlook is inevitable considering his upbringing, but it is in no way conventional. How ironic that it may make him more balanced as a ninja in the end.

More ironic is that a child of such besotted parents does not believe in grand romantic gestures or monogamy.

"You do realise that most people believe sex should be an expression of commitment to the individual you are in love with or married to, don't you?"

Naruto shrugged. "In a perfect world. But there's love and there's love, and then there's caring for those precious to you. Whatever it takes to keep everyone alive and as intact as possible, Kakashi-sensei."

As much as he would have liked to disagree with this brutal pragmatism, Hatake Kakashi had to admit -if only in the privacy of his own mind- that his own feelings ran parallel to his student's.

By the next morning Kakashi was fully recovered, so he set about preparing for the A-class solo mission he'd picked up back in the Sandaime's office. He'd decided that Naruto would be left in charge of team seven and hopefully Haku if the older boy co-operated. Zabuza was no longer wounded, but he was not fully recovered yet and even if he had been Kakashi would not have left the nukenin in charge of his genin team.

"Hokage-sama entrusted me with a secondary mission," the copy-nin said conversationally over breakfast. "I should have it in the bag by tomorrow noon, so I'll see you then. Naruto, I'm leaving you in charge since Zabuza actually listens to you from time to time and your strategy is half-decent for a green genin. Questions?"

"How do you suggest I divide our manpower, Sensei?" the blond asked immediately. Kakashi was grateful beyond words that Naruto had not seen fit to wear his 'girl outfit' again. He knew Naruto was perfectly aware of how disturbing the jounin found it, and would not have put it past the blond to wear it just to see his sensei squirm. Thankfully Naruto was professional enough not to do so while on a dangerous mission. I suspect, however, that when we get back to the village all bets will be off. He is an Uzumaki after all, with their distinctive and unfortunate sense of humour.

Maybe I can goad someone into irritating him and thereby deflect his attention.

"How do you think they should be organised, Naruto?"

"Well, if I were expecting to be attacked at the bridge I'd take everyone except No-Brows, since the perimeter will keep out non-ninja and even crippled he can take out anyone that Gatou could have hired in a hurry," Naruto said thoughtfully, "Unless we are ridiculously unlucky and the bastard shells out for a seal master. But if I were expecting a two-pronged attack I'd leave Sakura behind to patrol the perimeter and ambush anyone trying to get to the house. Her genjutsu, nawajutsu and shurikenjutsu are sufficient for her to be a formidable opponent against any number of thugs so long as she stays within the perimeter and attacks from the cover of the trees."

"That's a good strategy Naruto," Kakashi praised his oldest student.

"Sakura can also make sure No-Brows rests properly. What is it with jounin not taking care of themselves, Sensei?"

Kakashi scratched his head sheepishly. "I assure you that all the jounin I know are very well behaved in the hospital."

"Yeah, until they escape," Naruto snarked back to the sound of his team-mates' respective snort and giggle, "though I've never once seen an ANBU in hospital, so perhaps evading proper medical treatment is a masked-person thing?"

Kakashi prudently avoided answering that. Though he is probably right. It isn't our fault really; hospitals just don't feel safe.

"Well I leave you all to Naruto then," Kakashi said cheerfully. "Naruto, try not to run everyone into the ground while I'm gone."

"I hear you Sensei," the blond said dryly. "Try not to be back late."

The copy-nin again avoided answering his whiskered student, not seeing the point in entering a battle of wits with someone as perceptive as Naruto, instead leaping out of the window, across the water and into the trees towards where Zabuza had indicated Gatou's base was located.

It did not take him long to find.

Definitely civilian construction; no ninja would indulge in such a ridiculously impractical piece of architecture, Kakashi decided, frowning slightly at the fortress/treehouse monstrosity that was, amazingly, even more of an eyesore than Zabuza's description had suggested. That... thing may be inaccessible to civilians, but any chunnin could infiltrate without a second thought. Hell, Sakura could break in without too much effort.

The mixed bag of thugs patrolling around the edifice were somewhat problematic; there were a lot of them and the mission was assassination, not frontal assault and total obliteration. Rule eight for successful ninja: never exceed the mission parameters; they won't pay you extra for it. If they do want more doing they'll give you a second mission.

Kakashi made himself comfortable in a tree, hidden from view by a very minor genjutsu, and settled down to wait, watch and plot. He had plenty of time.

As the sun slowly made its way across the sky the silver-haired jounin patiently watched as people came and went from the fortress. He took note of the guards' behaviour, how the various traps were armed -and disarmed- and how long each shift was. He also observed what activity was visible through the building's various windows through the judicious use of kage bunshin. True, he could not make more than six without taxing his reserves, but for this mission four clones were perfectly adequate.

The first thing Kakashi learned from the clones was that his target both very rich and incredibly stingy. Gatou had more than enough money to hire a team of six chunnin to protect him full-time, but was unwilling to part with even a tenth of what that would cost when paying the band of mercenary thugs who enforced the corrupt businessman's reign of terror. He even insisted on paying the ones who patrolled the villages less because they had the opportunity to extort food and other supplies from the locals.

Scumbag.

There were enough bandits wandering around inside the complex that two of his clones were able to knock out and hide two would-be guards and carry out the rounds in themselves, locating storerooms, bedrooms and offices with ludicrous ease. They even had enough chakra left afterwards to sharingan their captives into believing that nothing had happened at all.

By nightfall Kakashi had more than enough information to carry out his mission. He even had enough to achieve a self-determined side mission -Naruto must be affecting me more than I'd realised- to appropriate all of Gatou's squandered funds. He'd decided to pack up the cash first -into sealing scrolls he'd 'borrowed' from his blond student- before using his sharingan to forge the paperwork necessary to take control of Gatou Industries' bank accounts. The Sandaime was always being complained to about the shortage of funds. My good deed for the month.

Once the money was properly stowed away Kakashi could get on with the original mission. Killing a civilian in their sleep was not hard, especially when his latest forays into high-level lightning manipulation were considered. Gatou would suffer an inexplicable heart attack, leaving his highly centralised business to fall apart through bankruptcy and lack of leadership. Tidy and untraceable. Best of all, the thugs would all accuse eachother of absconding with the money rather than suspect outside interference.

The copy-nin made his move shortly after midnight, walking into the building during the shift change while hidden by the Mesai Gakure no jutsu, an a-rank concealment jutsu popular amongst Iwa jounin. Kakashi hated the technique -it gave him flashbacks to his first and disastrous jounin mission- but he could not deny its utility. The jutsu made it possible for him to stroll right in through the front door.

Once inside he set about completing his self-assigned tasks as efficiently and calmly as possible. Haste is the enemy of speed. Conscientiousness and care make it possible to work as fast as reasonably possible. I have time.

He left the complex at four in the morning, escaping undetected and profoundly disturbed by how smoothly the mission had gone. That was too easy; none of the things that could have gone wrong happened. I didn't even need to use one of my minor contingency plans.

Something always goes wrong, if only slightly. Always. When is the other shoe going to drop?

Recognising that fretting over the unnatural ease with which the mission had taken place was futile, the jounin settled himself in the fork of a tree, wove a genjutsu around himself and fell asleep. He had time to rest before his designated meeting with his students.

He was jerked into wakefulness just under six hours later by a shockwave of bijuu chakra originating from the nearest village. Kakashi ran towards the commotion at full speed, praying frantically for his team to still be alive and whole. The elevated and youki-laced chakra signature up ahead did not fill him with hope. It seems things have gone twice as wrong on the escort mission to make up for the perfect assassination mission.

Please, please let them all be alive.

Notes

Akashi = Red Death; Uzumaki Kushina's bingo book nickname

Gomen nasai = many apologies

Arigatou = thanks

A/N: This is a very long chapter because it was originally two rather short chapters. More Kakashi; he really doesn't want to see what's in front of him does he?