It wasn't hard for Lauren to slip out of Karma's house. She darted back upstairs as soon as Amy was out the door and was waiting, on the edge of Karma's bed, excuse at the ready.
"Farrah called, looking for me," she said as Karma came back into the room and Lauren knew that never would have worked for Amy but it was perfect for her.
Even if she didn't really need it.
Karma was too distracted to really hear her, much less understand. Her eyes were unfocused and she just kept nodding at everything Lauren said ("Amy certainly seemed… intense" and "I should probably get home before she trashes my room" and "We should ask Shane to the prom and maybe have a threesome in a hotel after" and that was when Lauren knew things were irretrievably fucked) and her hand kept drifting toward her lips and if Lauren had had to watch that for one more minute, she would have cracked.
"Gotta go," she said. "Farrah's waiting." And Karma nodded again and dropped down into her desk chair as Lauren made her escape and tried, so very hard, not to let herself wonder if this was the last time she'd ever see the inside of Karma's bedroom.
Why wonder? She already knew.
There was no goodbye kiss or hug and Lauren wasn't even sure Karma had seen her leave. It wasn't a breakup, there was no 'it's not you, it's me', there were no tears (popcorned or otherwise) and Lauren didn't know if Karma even realized they were over, that they'd been over, if not since the breakup in the car but at least from the moment Amy had declared her intentions (and her lips) and probably, if Lauren was being honest, since before they'd even begun.
She took the long way home (long being ten minutes instead of five) so she could have a moment or two to herself. She didn't know, for sure, if she wanted those moments to think or to cry or to do both, but in the end it was neither.
What it was, was a loop. An endless fucking loop of that kiss (and the loop always stopped before Karma pushed Amy away because of course her mind wanted as much torment as possible.) An endless repeating loop over and over of that kiss and those words.
The only real we is you and me
And of course it was. Lauren ran her hands along the steering wheel as she tried to come to terms with the fact that she'd been deluding herself to think otherwise. It was too perfect this way, the script just exactly right. The couple that had never really been would be reunited in the end and everyone (an entire school full of Karmy shipping… people) would cheer and Shane would have his lesbians and Amy would have her dream girl and Karma would have…
Well… that was the question, wasn't it?
Lauren didn't buy that Amy was Karma's only choice or, maybe, even her first choice, not anymore (but she knew Amy was the choice Karma would make, every fucking time), so she wasn't exactly sure what Karma would have.
Just that it wouldn't be her.
She stopped the car at the end of their street which was, as usual, empty and she could see all the way to the house. Farrah's car was in the drive which meant Amy was already back and that meant Lauren needed to consider her options.
Option One: storm into the house and read Amy the riot act as only she could.
It would be fair. Lauren knew she was in the right.
Amy had kissed her girlfriend.
Of course, that was the simple, just the facts version. That version skipped a bit. It skipped over the history between Karma and Amy, the painful and ridiculous and angst ridden history that read like the script for a bad TV show or an even worse fanfic. It ignored that Amy had been in love with Karma for as long as she'd known her and that Karma had rejected her at every turn. It also ignored Karma and Reagan's dumbass plan and the way Karma had been crying over Amy right before Lauren first kissed her.
If you ignored all that, Lauren knew, Amy was clearly in the wrong. She had kissed another girl's girlfriend and not just any other girl. Her sister and maybe they'd only just gotten to be sisters (real ones) and this was clearly going to set that back but either way, what Amy had done? That was just wrong.
As long as you ignored all that.
And fuck all, did Lauren wish she could.
There was an option number two and probably a three and a four and maybe even a five but Lauren knew the numbers didn't matter. She was out of good options, options that didn't involve someone getting hurt (most likely her which, made sense, she was the odd one out, the third wheel, the spoiler in the great Karmy love affair, the force standing between them) and really, it all came down to a simple question, the same question she'd been turning over and over in her mind the entire drive.
Did she want to fight Amy for Karma? Did she feel enough for Karma to go to war with her sister (who was, let's face it, her best friend too) and maybe wreck their family?
No matter what it takes. I'll prove it to you. I'll prove to you that the only real we is you and me.
Amy certainly seemed ready to battle and Lauren suspected that might have been bravado and posturing and flexing her guns for Karma's sake, but she also knew it was a lot easier to do all that when you knew you'd win.
That was the simple truth of it and Lauren knew it. Yes, she wanted to fight for Karma. She felt enough (more than enough) to fight for her and she really did think that, deep down, Karma felt the same. And if it had been Liam she'd be going up against or…well… anyone else… deep down would have been enough.
But it wasn't Liam or anyone else, it was Amy and a fight with her would never get to deep down because to get there you had to go through layer after layer after layer of Amy and Karma and Karma and Amy and soulmates and best friends and there wasn't a shovel big enough to dig through all that.
Lauren reached down and plucked her cell phone from the seat next to her, dialing a familiar number even as she steered down their street and pulled into their drive. The call was quick and the date was set and as she climbed out of the car, Lauren considered her option. The only one she'd ever really had.
Unconditional surrender.
Amy watched Lauren as she came through the door, though she kept her eyes down and tried to make it look like she wasn't looking which might have worked if Lauren hadn't been staring at her the entire time.
There was a part of Amy, a tiny one, that felt a little guilt and a little shame and a little sadness that she was hurting Lauren and that part made her duck her eyes back down to her textbook even though she'd already read that page a dozen times and she couldn't, for the life of her, think about the Ottoman Empire when she could still taste Karma on her lips.
Yeah, that tiny part made her feel bad. But not nearly bad enough not nearly as bad as the good she felt welling up inside her when she thought of Karma's cheeks under her hands and the softness of her lips playing against hers and Amy knew if she'd pushed she could have had Karma right then and there. But Lauren had been right upstairs and as mad as Amy might have been and as much as she might have thought her sister had it coming, she just couldn't do it.
Amy still remembered seeing them together on that bed at Shane's party and she remembered how it felt, the pain in her heart, the feeling of losing something she'd never actually had but that little fact didn't make it hurt any less and she wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Even someone kissing her girl.
Farrah was puttering about in the kitchen when Lauren came in. "Oh, Lauren, good, you're here," she said. "I was just about to call. Are you going to be staying for dinner?"
Amy glanced up and found herself eye to eye with Lauren and that wasn't uncomfortable at all but neither of them would break, neither would be the one to back down.
It was just eye contact, a fucking staring contest, but it was so much more.
"No," Lauren said, finally, dropping her eyes to the floor (and, as a result, missing the small triumphant smile on Amy's face.) "I'm going out. Tommy should be here to get me in about an hour."
"Tommy?" Amy and Farrah asked in almost perfect unison and Amy almost jumped out of her chair. Tommy? Tommy?
"I thought you two broke up long ago," Farrah said.
"We did," Lauren replied. "But he's been begging for another chance and… I don't know." She stood in the entrance to the kitchen and leaned against the wall. Amy didn't ever remember seeing her like this, not even after she'd accidentally outed herself.
She looked tiny. Like a doll. A doll with sad eyes and pale cheeks and a heart you could almost see breaking.
"I understand," Farrah said. "Sometimes, it's good to get back to what you know."
Amy coughed and sputtered and shook her head when Farrah tried to check on her.
"I guess so," Lauren said. She turned her gaze back to Amy and the blonde felt the hair on the back of her neck twitching, but she didn't look away. She wouldn't. "Sometimes new is nice too, though. Sometimes -"
"Sometimes new is fine," Amy said, cutting her off and shoving the textbook away. "It's nice to try something a little different. Gives you some perspective. But in the end… it just goes to show. The more things change, the more they should stay the same."
"Yeah," Lauren said and she sounded so resigned, so beaten and broken, Amy almost wanted to hug her. "Sometimes that's true. But… you know.. there's a reason they say familiarity breeds contempt too."
Amy glared at her across the table. Contempt? Really?
"Familiarity breeds other things too," she said. "Comfort. Safety. Security. A sense of family."
"And boredom," Lauren said. "Don't forget boredom. And complacency and a loss of wonder and excitement and -"
"The familiar can be very exciting," Amy snapped. "It can be -"
"Sure," Lauren said. "It can. If, you know, you can get past the whole same old, same old, been there, done that nothing ever changes sameness of it." She stared Amy down. "If you don't mind acting out the same old script over and over again. Me? I like a little new."
Amy's phone buzzed on the table and she and Lauren both looked down as the screen lit up with a picture of Karma's face. Amy looked back up just in time to see Lauren almost willing herself not to cry.
"Then again," Lauren said. "Sometimes the new is just an experiment, right? Just a way to find out what's real. So maybe Tommy's real and it's time to give him a shot." She turned to leave the kitchen as Amy's phone kept buzzing. "After all, who am I to stand in the way of true love, right?"
If you're in this for Karmy, this probably looks good for you. If you're in it for Larma, not so much. All I can say is everything isn't always as obvious as it seems and I've already got a Karmy story...