When Jack spotted Ianto several blocks away, he hesitated to call out or catch him up. Instead, Jack followed for a while, staying far enough back to avoid being noticed. He vaguely wondered if Ianto was planning to walk all the way home – they were on the opposite side of town from Ianto's flat. The longer Jack watched Ianto walking alone, shoulders hunched and head bowed, the worse he felt. Everything was, as usual, his fault. If he could do nothing else, at least he could apologize, and accept Ianto's final verdict with whatever honour he could muster.
Jack picked up the pace, but was still approaching carefully. He felt he needed treat Ianto like a cagey creature, like an unknown type of alien, like he might either turn into thorn bush or slice Jack's head off if confronted.
"Ianto?" Jack called, as mildly and plaintively as he could.
Ianto's step faltered slightly but he didn't stop entirely. After another half a block, Ianto drifted off toward a garden wall and stopped, leaning against it, his eyes closed, like he was just too knackered to go any further.
"Tired of wondering how far I'm going to walk before I ring for a taxi?" Ianto asked.
Jack shrugged, keeping a distance of several paces. "Kinda a long walk home, isn't it?"
"How do you know I haven't got one of those wrist straps as well, now?"
Jack laughed hollowly. "Because there is nothing a Time Agent guards so jealously as a Vortex Manipulator. Even a busted one."
Ianto just shook his head. "Look. You have no idea how bloody tired I am at the moment. So, if we're going to do this, could we get on with it, or… schedule something for later?"
Jack looked downward for a few long moments, pursing his lips tightly and fighting back everything he wanted to say about how Torchwood wears people down to nothing. It wouldn't help.
"I don't think there's anything we have to 'do'," Jack said sadly. "I really just wanted to say I'm sorry."
Ianto stared but found it difficult to keep it up with a burgeoning headache. "What for, Jack?" he asked, slouching against the wall and wishing he had rung for a taxi.
Jack shook his head. "For so much. For that stupid argument, for making you feel like less than my equal…." Jack stopped and took a long breath. "For being gone so long…."
All at once, the little energy he had remaining left Ianto and even leaning against the wall wasn't enough. He sank down to the ground and sat there looking up at Jack, not caring at the moment how undignified it was to be sitting on the cold pavement. "We couldn't find a trace of you," Ianto said quietly.
"I wasn't even that far most of that time," Jack sighed. "I'm sure he set up signal blocking, though."
He. Ianto told himself not to jump to conclusions. There was plenty enough to work through as it was, if there was even a reason to try to work things through. "Suppose that depends on your definition of far. According to Captain Unscrupulous, it's only about the farthest reaches of the universe that are out of range for those things," Ianto said, frowning.
Jack closed his eyes and nodded, moving to join Ianto in sitting against the wall. He didn't know if Ianto would welcome him sharing the pavement or not, but Jack figured the worst Ianto could do would be to get up and walk away.
"So, you're telling me that's where you were, then? The end of the universe?" Ianto said with a sideways glance at Jack.
"For a short time," Jack said. "If you tried to find me sometime within the first few days after I disappeared, then, yeah."
Ianto didn't say anything for a while, didn't follow up with the logical next question, and Jack vaguely wondered if Ianto was that exhausted that he'd fallen asleep.
"Was it necessary?" Ianto eventually asked quietly. "Did it help?"
"Did what help?" Jack asked.
"Going away. You see, it sort of occurred to me at one point that maybe you'd gone to find that Doctor you talked about. That maybe you'd gone travelling with him again. Except that, well, none of us believed for a minute that you'd really go away without any notice. I may not have known you long, but I am certain of that."
Jack looked over at Ianto for a long moment, then closed his eyes and shook his head and laughed slightly. "So insightful…. You know everything, don't you?" Jack said quietly. "I'll bet you've made a really big difference with the team."
Ianto suppressed a sigh. Yes, Jack was avoiding the point, but it was also obvious that he needed to give him a bit of space on the matter. Ianto decided to just stay quiet for a bit.
"It did help one thing," Jack said after a while. "It helped me realize how selfish I was. Of course, that's basically a moot point now, but… yeah, well," Jack shrugged.
"Selfish about what?" Ianto asked. It could have applied to a few things, after all.
Jack didn't respond straight away, and then he shifted on the pavement, turning toward Ianto and taking a deep breath. "I fucked up. I'm sorry, Ianto. And I've been wanting to tell you that for… well, since about two hours after you walked away from me that night. The truth is, no, I didn't even consider your offer of helping out in the Hub. And my reasons were entirely selfish. It wasn't that I thought you couldn't handle the work or the environment, or that I have ever thought of you as less than my equal. When I said that I felt I needed to protect you, I just meant that…." Jack sighed. "I've been around Torchwood for over a century. I have seen what happens when it gets its cold, vicious claws into people. I've watched, time and time and time again, happy, energetic, healthy people come into Torchwood and have the life-energy drained from them within months. And then there's me," Jack laughed hollowly. "Can't get rid of it if I try. And even with me, it finds ways of wearing me down. And yes, I do want to protect you physically, too. Not because I think you 'need' protecting…. But because the thought of something happening to you…." Jack had to stop and turn away at the memory of being forced to watch helplessly as his terrified lover was tortured at the hands of a madman.
"Well, if you've been around the place much, I'm sure you've seen the records," Jack said quietly. "You'll know by now how many I've failed over the years. I just didn't want you to end up on that list. I don't want anyone to end up on that list, but especially the way I feel about you."
Jack slowly stood up. "I'll bet you've made a real difference on the team. I hope you reconsider writing that resignation. Don't quit on my account. Unless, of course, my being back means there's no way you'd stay on. Which I'd understand. Don't walk home, either, ok? Ring a taxi. Send me the bill, if you want."
Jack started walking back down the street, thinking he could at least go help with the clean-up on that Blowfish incident. After a few minutes, he heard Ianto call his name from down another street. Jack stopped but wasn't sure he had enough hope left to look back.
"Think we could go someplace and talk?" Ianto asked, slowly catching Jack up. "Sitting about on the pavement at night isn't the best idea and I could really murder a coffee."