A/N: Oh my! The chapters keep getting longer! This one was actually meant to end after the magician guy had introduced the Stone of Dreams but the chapter was already so long I had to move it to next week!

Hi, everyone! I hope this was worth the wait (I know this section of the movie isn't the most exciting but... I've think I've added some humour and tension, and you need to let excitement build up, you know?) - I think I'm going to permanently move my update time to Sunday evenings (GMT that is, so midday by FanFiction's clocks), so my chapters will either be early or on time instead of late! But! I've actually got the next three chapters (one is Harper-centric) all planned out! So fingers crossed they'll all be up on Saturdays (don't hold me to that). And... you know what? The Harper sub-plot has a surprise twist involving a certain person's appearance - any guesses as to who it is?

And yes! Giselle has a backstory in this! It just felt to me like the writers were too lazy to come up with something in the end, I mean... they kept hinting that there was a reason she was turned into a parrot as if it was going to be revealed and then they just... didn't bother to tell us. My backstory for her actually parallels the main storyline (well, the Jalexified one, anyway) - but in a tragic way. The Stone of Dreams is relevant - and so is her being turned into a parrot, rather than something else. As she's clearly able to think (the magician seems to be able to understand her - or is he just crazy?), events in the jungle will be triggering memories for her which we'll get to see - and her stealing the Stone of Dreams won't be only for selfish reasons.

Stay tuned to find out more!

Oh and... does anyone else find that song in the montage - something about a magic carpet ride - really, really catchy? It's stuck in my head!

Warnings: More delicious implied sexual content (I cannot resist seeing those scenes differently in my head - plus, scenes which are both sexual and humorous? Best. Thing. Ever.) and strong language and some comic violence in the form of Max making a man float in the air which, in real life, would most likely result in some serious injury when he fell. Yeah... sometimes the Russos are slightly sadistic.

Their mother had not shut up for the entire journey. Papaya this, random Spanish that - for five and a half hours straight. Alex huffed, fanning herself against the sweltering midday heat of Puerto Rico - she'd tried to get Justin to fan her instead but the asshole had refused. You'd think he was King of the Dorks or something. Oh wait, he is.

They were all gathered around the door to their hotel room at the resort, Jerry fumbling unsuccessfully with the key. How long does it take to open one freakin' door? Alex had to get out of this heat - all she wanted to do was turn up the air conditioning, turn on the TV and order a truck-load of room service.

'Almost... got it now,' Jerry said between his teeth. He was starting to go red in the face beneath the sweat pouring down his forehead. Alex could see the marks the sweat had already made on Harper's shirt, creating a V-shape of dark orange down his back and two more on his armpits. Gross. That cute activities counsellor, Javier, had no doubt thought her family were a bunch of freaks. How old was he? In his early twenties, maybe? The way he smiled at her... oh, he was definitely into her. Maybe he could be her holiday activity-

'Oh, just give it here! Aye yai yai, Jerry!' And within seconds of Teresa snatching the key out of Jerry's hands, they were all piling into the room.

Justin sighed audibly, 'Thank you, Mum!'

Jerry made a small noise which sounded something like a puppy being told off for urinating on the floor.

Alex pushed past Justin. Hm, their room wasn't bad - tiled floors, wooden furniture, a balcony with a great view: very tropical resort-y. It would make an excellent TV-watching cave for the next two weeks. But wait, there were three beds in here, 'Don't we get our own rooms?'

'Your father and I will be sleeping in here,' Teresa giggled, motioning to another room through a door (Ugh, Alex moaned internally - and they'd thought the journey here was bad, with all their disgusting cuddling and cooing), 'And you'll be sleeping here. See,' she spread her arms, gesturing around the large room, 'there's plenty of space - you'll just have to learn to share, that's all.'

Jerry laughed but cut himself off when Teresa raised an eyebrow.

'But Mum,' Justin had been clutching his suitcase tightly while she'd been explaining this. Noticing this, he quickly let go and stepped around it, rushing forward to half-whisper, 'where will Alex get changed?'

Jerry, also hearing this, replied, 'Justin, there is a bathroom, you know.'

'Besides - she's just your sister!' Teresa laughed, 'You think I'd let you co-habit with some random girl by the pool out there? It's fine.' Maybe she'd instilled the values of modesty and chastity a little too strongly in her eldest son. She patted Jerry on the arm, 'Come on, we'll leave you to unpack - don't take too long!'

And with that she started up again on her quite-frankly-frightening displays of public affection, rubbing her nose against Jerry's before exiting into their bedroom.

'Well,' Alex had her arms crossed, her back to the window.

Justin noticed the backlight, what with the lights being off in the room, highlighting the outline of her legs beneath her dress. Thank Captain Jim Bob Sherwood I can't make out anything else, he was tempted to grab her arm and pull her out of that probing light but- oh right, she's talking.

'I hope you two losers realise that I'll be taking this for my stuff,' she slammed her hand down on top of the dressing table, 'Oh. And that,' she pointed to the set of drawers by Justin's bed, 'And that,' she pointed to Max's, 'Actually, just...' she waved her arms around, 'all of these.'

Max looked confused - or maybe that was just because his vision was blurred beneath the snorkel and goggles he was already wearing, despite being a considerable distance from the nearest source of water (unless he was planning on using the bath - okay, so he definitely was), 'But Alex, how can you need that much space?' He stared at her suitcase, which she had unzipped on her bed, trying to work it out.

Alex glanced up from where she was already starting to unload clothing into Justin's drawers, 'Oh, you know, girl stuff, Max - it needs more space than boy stuff,' she nodded slowly to make the claim more scientific.

Justin snorted, now he had his arms crossed, 'Do you always have to manipulate Max like that?' he threw a hand towards him, motioning up and down, 'Look at him - the kid's trying to go scuba diving in a bathtub.'

Max, rather than interpreting this as an insult, took it to mean that he was too inventive to deserve to be the victim of Alex's scheming.

'But Justin,' Alex's pitch went up an octave and got all small and fragile and her lip quivered, 'I really do need the space. Otherwise this might happen.'

And then she grabbed something, positioned her hand as a slingshot and catapulted it into his face.

Justin's mouth opened and closed, his brain couldn't process what had just happened - did he really have Alex's panties on his head?

Justin, Alex and Max remained absolutely silent for approximately one point four seconds. Then Alex and Max simultaneously burst into laughter, clutching at their stomachs.

'Oh my God, Justin,' Max chucked out, in between ragged breaths, 'they match your Captain Jim Bob Sherwood pajamas!'

Alex gasped for air, 'He should-' she broke into laughter again and collapsed onto her bed, staring at Justin upside-down (who was turning an interesting shade of cranberry pink), 'You should wear them over your pants - like Superman!'

Max erupted into giggles again, wiping at his eye. Alex waited for Justin to start whining that Superman and Captain Jim Bob Sherwood were completely unrelated.

He didn't.

'What's got-' she bit her lip to stop laughing, 'what's got your panties in a twist, Egghead?'

'Ahaha! She got you there, Justin!' Max shouted.

Justin, whose face was burning hotter than the pavement outside, inhaled sharply through his nose to get himself under control - no! He was most definitely not inhaling for any other reason! He unballed his fists. He could not believe that he was feeling things he should not be feeling in front of them, in the face of humiliation! because that would just be adding yet another level of depravity on top of everything else - Justin did not find humiliation... exciting! But the fact that the humiliation was not overriding his other feelings - that was not good.

He ripped the highly dangerous weapon off of his head and dropped it into Alex's suitcase, trying to look disgusted. She was still smiling at him. She was enjoying this!

He swallowed hard; in that moment he really, really hated her, 'Well I, for one, can't wait to get out of here and go exploring all the magic historic sights,' he snatched up his travel guide, waving it over her from her position on the bed, 'then, I'll be able to see both of you on this vacation as little as possible,' he paused and his voice turned very cold, 'especially you, Alex.'

'Hey,' Teresa had returned - judging from the deathly silence following all that noise, she was kicking herself for not making Jerry pay the extra cost for separate bedrooms, 'what is going on?'

All of her children were starting to leave, she moved in front of the door, 'Where's everybody going?'

'Snorkelling,' Max was actually trying to get to the bathroom, not the door. He had to train: 'Once you can get used to swimming in a fish's toilet bowl,' he slapped Justin on the shoulder as he passed him - he'd get over it, him and Alex always made up, 'it's awesome.'

Teresa turned to Justin, she was sure that out of all her children, he wouldn't be disobeying her wishes.

He pressed his mouth into a thin line, then pointed to his book, 'To see the ruins - the most important battles of the first and third troll wars were fought there.'

He could have sworn he heard Alex snigger, 'Well,' she said, 'I don't know where I'm going - just away from here.' Trust Justin to throw a tantrum and ruin her plans for a made-for-TV movie marathon. Her mood was ruined.

'No, no, no!' their mother exclaimed, 'This is a family vacation.'

And then their father entered the room - apparently he thought sunblock was tribal warrior paint.

'Your mother's right,' he agreed with her as always, 'We should be doing everything together.'

Alex raised her eyebrows - he could not be serious, 'With you?'

He nodded.

'In public?'

He nodded again.

'Looking like that?'

He nodded so enthusiastically you could see specks of sunblock flick off around the room, 'So we're all in agreement, then.'

After a busy day, Teresa and Jerry stood on the balcony of their room, gazing out at the moon in its position over the ocean, the salty breeze blowing both the palm trees and Teresa's hair. Jerry, with his arm around her, knew that this was cheesy, corny - heck, any food-related adjective which could be used to describe this romantic cliché, but hey - they were happy.

'I think the kids might actually be starting to get along again,' he smiled, looking at his wife.

'Hm, we'll see.'

They'd agreed that, since everyone wanted to do different things, they'd just have to take it in turns to choose an activity, and so they'd gone snorkelling - Max's idea. After Alex had knocked them all into the water (needless to say, Justin had not been impressed to look up and see Alex flipping her hair and making her so-called sweet-and-innocent face at that hotel guy - he got water up his nose and almost drowned for that?), Jerry and Teresa had decided to sit out during the rest of the water sports fun. As far as Teresa could tell, the kids' athletic abilities always seemed to fail just when there was an opportunity to splash somebody or knock somebody else into the water.

'Wouldn't it be nice if this vacation really ended up helping them to bond? I think we made the right decision,' Jerry squeezed Teresa's shoulder. Standing here, like this, he knew that, given the chance, he'd give up his powers all over again.

'Yes, Jerry, it would be nice - but don't get your hopes too high, I thought we only had Alex to worry about - but apparently none of our kids like spending time with us!' she rested her head on his shoulder, 'Parenting, huh?' she sighed, 'You'd better go check on them. They might still be up.'

Jerry said he'd be back in a moment and went inside. Teresa worried too much, the kids were fine - he counted three sleeping forms in their room, found himself getting a little tearful at how much they'd grown (he remembered when they could all fit in one bed), sniffed a little and ran out again before he started wailing. Now Teresa would have to spend a good thirty minutes just getting him to calm down.

Under the sheets, everything was not as it seemed (really, as a former wizard Jerry should have realised this). Hidden from view, Justin had taken out the family wand, unable to resist using it - if he was being banned from bettering his wizarding studies through studying magic history, then he had no choice but to actually practice some magic. That was the only logical answer. He cast a wordless light-emitting spell, feeling the buzz of energy in his fingertips where the magic concentrated itself for this. A white vapour of light grew out of the end of the wand, creating dancing shadows in the same way that water does. One of the exciting things about learning a new spell was that you never knew where the magic was going to bundle itself in your body - it varied from wizard to wizard. Max always said he felt this spell in his toes, Alex her stomach... he swirled the light in a figure eight, it had turned pink. As he remembered earlier, with Alex's... private item, and her laughing at him, the light morphed into a dark blood red, making it harder to see his hand. But there was also her hair spilled out across the bedsheets, the same way she'd lie on the couch at home and just wait for him to adjust her to accommodate himself, squeezing into a gap and having to touch her far more than if she'd just move, and then she'd pretend to be asleep so she could snuggle up to him... the light changed to a bright purple and sparkled. He was captivated, moving it in wider loops, raising his elbow to make more space.

'Hey, Justin,' he froze as Max's voice whispered too loudly to make it even worth whispering.

Oh no, had Max figured out that he'd brought the wand? He didn't reply. He would have to pretend to be asleep.

'Justin,' he spoke louder, 'are you... jerking off?'

Justin gasped and started coughing - he'd breathed in his saliva, 'No!' he spluttered.

'Ew!' Alex called out from the other side of the darkness, 'Justin, we've got to sleep in here too!'

'I'm not jerking off!' How many more times would they embarrass him today?

'Oh, sorry, what are you doing then, Justin? Playing with your wand?' Alex laughed.

Crap. He couldn't actually admit that. And yet he couldn't lie without Alex realising - she was too good at deceiving people herself to be caught out by others, 'Well then, what are you doing up in the early hours of the morning? I didn't take you to be an early-riser, Alex.'

'I'm...' under her covers, Alex still had open the Forbidden Book of Spells - she was up to a particularly interesting part about spells to annoy know-it-all older brothers, 'reading.'

Justin's voice laughed - she didn't need to see his smug expression to know he was wearing one right now, 'You? Reading? Tell me Alex, what exactly are you reading?'

What exactly are you jerking off to? She almost retorted - except, you know, Max's scrambled egg of a brain might interpret that as actual interest. And the last thing their mother needed to hear was that Alex was asking Justin for tips on how to satisfy her night-time urges. Oh! She knew exactly how to wind him up, 'Oh, just one of those books Mum hides underneath the couch that she thinks we don't know about - you know, the ones with the shirtless pirates on the front?'

There was a pause. And then, 'Ew, Alex, that's disgusting-'

'It sounds awesome, Alex,' Max cut in, 'all the best pirates are shirtless - can I read it after you?' Max himself was set for the night - he'd found a way to drink soda out of his snorkel, he had his fish in his fish bowl to keep him company, and he was currently just finishing up one of Justin's old comics (it had a sticky note on the front which said Mint Condition on it - but it was okay because Max had made sure that he only ate mints while reading it, so all the fingerprints and smudges were made with mint residue to keep it intact).

Great, Alex thought, so now I need to find a spell to conjure up some sea-themed erotica for my freak of a brother, 'Sure, Max.'

She realised now how lucky she was to have her own room at home.

The morning light streaming into their room had not woken Alex - oh no, she had been woken up at the ungodly hour of eleven o'clock to join the family for Justin's activity: historic sights. Justin himself was refusing to accept this as his activity, as these were just ordinary artefacts of Puerto Rican history, not troll battlefields, and he would settle for no less, so - to keep the peace, as Justin would no doubt be disappointed if they skipped the historical stuff altogether - Teresa had accepted it as her activity (as long as it involved family photos, she was happy) and she had also bargained Jerry into accepting his activity as the market she wanted to visit (Jerry was happy because it had food stalls and cheap souvenirs). And so this was how the Russos had ended up in a market on a cobbled street in the early afternoon, earlier than expected as, in his boredom, Max had stolen one of the guard's helmets and essentially gotten the entire family banned from all historical sights in the country for the foreseeable future.

'Muchas Gracias!' Teresa said as another innocent victim was finally able to escape after being stopped to take another five thousand pictures of the family.

As they walked among the stalls, Alex attempting to hide her face with her sunglasses as much as possible in case Javier was here and saw her hanging out with her mum - so not cool, Teresa hooked her arm around her daughter's, asking endless questions and - oh wonderful! She's at it again! 'You know what? Your dad and I walked these very streets on one of our very first dates.'

Ugh, 'It must have been nice when it was new.'

Her mother let go of her arm - if there was one thing she couldn't tolerate, it was when people implied she was old, 'Hey.'

Alex had continued walking. She stopped and turned around, lowering her glasses.

'This attitude of yours? That's what's getting old,' she was mad, very mad - her hands were on her hips.

Where had her dad gone? He never told her off - just spat out random words for a few minutes and then gave up. Alex sighed, maybe she was being a bit... overly grouchy, after all she was sleep-deprived, having stayed up all night reading spells and trying not to wonder if Justin was still being gross in the bed next to her, 'I'm sorry. It's just... memory lane is turning out to be the longest road ever,' Wow. That was a good metaphor - no wonder she was so good at make-'em-ups, but right, her point, 'When are we gonna do something I want to do?'

Max had already had his turn and so had Justin - even if the sulky two-year-old wouldn't admit it.

Teresa thought about this for a second, 'You're right. You're right, we haven't got to do something you want to do. You get to choose next, all right?' Please don't slap my hand away again when I'm offering it to you.

Alex smiled - Teresa had forgotten her daughter could do that without it looking menacing, 'Did I mention Javier teaches windsurfing?'

Oh, chasing boys. Teresa understood - Jerry may not look it now but Dios mío, was he a catch back in the day. Maybe she really would be able to bond with Alex on this vacation.

'Teresa, look!' the man himself tapped her on the shoulder, grinning.

'Oh! My favourite earrings!' Teresa, being the type of person easily distracted by shopping, gave Alex a quick smile and then wandered over to the stall with Jerry.

Alex rolled her eyes. Still, at least she'd be getting to spend some quality time with Javier soon - things were definitely looking up. Alex supposed it was time to see what Dork and Dorkier were up to, huddling around a book a little further down the street.

'Dude, check it out!' Justin was showing Max a page in his precious travel guide, 'Top One Hundred Must-See Wizard Sightings on the island!' As he sensed her presence, his tone changed, 'Hm, I wonder why we haven't been to any yet-'

Oh joy, Mr. Sarcastic is here.

'Wait. I know,' he spun around on his heel and took down his sunglasses, meeting Alex's eyes directly.

Woah. That was... weird. His stare had been really intense and Alex had felt a strange kind of jolt - sort of like butterflies except from the ridiculous heat in this stupid place or from the weirdness of Justin actually having the guts to look her in the eye and - like a cat being challenged - risk her attacking him.

Max had always found their weird fight-flirting pretty boring (yeah, he called it that - his friends thought that, being Max, he must not understand what flirting actually meant when he had mentioned it before and so they had spent the next few weeks teasing him about his family being seriously messed up. Max hadn't got the joke), since it basically involved ignoring his existence, so at this point he left them too it, looking for some mischief to make.

He didn't think they'd notice he'd gone.

'Have a good sleep?' Alex asked all falsely-innocent and layered with double meanings as usual.

Justin snorted, putting his glasses back on, 'I did, thank you.'

'Mm, still missing Juliet?' she grabbed his arm as they walked, leaning in, 'Oh! Justin! Harder!'

Justin tried to ignore the tingling in his stomach.

'And then... she leans in and bites your neck,' she mimed this, putting her face very close to his body, 'draining all your blood,' she drew back, 'And then you die. Ha.'

Justin rolled his eyes - another vampire jab? 'Very mature, Alex,' she was still grabbing his arm, 'But that doesn't change the fact that it's your fault we won't be broadening our knowledge of our magical heritage now.'

And that's a bad thing? 'Oh, boo hoo. You want magic?' she unhooked her arm from Justin's to point - and for some reason he didn't find this a relief, 'There's your magic.'

A sorry excuse for a street magician was attempting to wow a crowd a few stalls down. The two siblings approached him, trying not to laugh. It was a poor imitation of any real magic.

He was whispering to his parrot - it had messed up the trick apparently, 'It's the- the one I'm shoving in your mouth,' it seemed reluctant to take it and so he turned back to address the audience, holding up the card himself, 'The eight of clubs! Amazing! What do you say? Pretty amazing is what I say.'

Justin leaned into Alex, mocking him, 'Pretty pathetic is what I say.'

She giggled - see? Making fun of people is a good thing. It helps other people to bond. She didn't get why Justin didn't see that this was what she was trying to do everytime she pranked him. Hello? Attempting to build good relationships with people, here.

Meanwhile the magician was still attempting to persuade people to tip him - extremely unsuccessfully. Just as Alex was about to whisper something back, Max rudely barged through, shoving his brother and sister apart, 'You know what the problem is with you two?'

For a second, both Justin and Alex felt a stab of guilty panic.

Max continued, 'You don't know how to make your own fun.'

Alex crossed her arms - when did Max turn into Justin the Show-Off? She had to see this.

Max slicked back his hair and stepped in front of the magician, 'Excuse me, sir?' So he has a falsely-innocent voice too! Justin thought, 'I'd like to volunteer.'

Alex and Justin glanced at each other. This would not end well.

Max was clearly trying to mess with the poor guy's mind and yet, Alex looked at her other brother, Mr. Moral-Fibre (she has a lot of names for him, all right? And the mister thing - it's definitely not a sign of respect or submissiveness. As if.) was doing nothing about it. Hm, she smiled - she must be rubbing off on him.

By this point, the magician was floating several feet in the air and looking rather panicked - was Max trying to get them discovered?

Two gasps (well, a gasp from Teresa and a jumble of syllables from Jerry) alerted Alex that her parents must also be thinking along these lines, and several seconds later they had rushed in, grabbing Max and unfortunately causing the balloon to pop. Alex gripped Justin's arm - she didn't really want to see squashed magician today - but amazingly the performer managed to fall into a perfect roll, standing up uninjured and trying to pass the whole thing off as intentional. Huh.

'Come on, we're leaving,' Jerry said to the two of his kids who were actually behaving (that was something he never thought he'd use to describe Alex), dragging Max away as quickly as possible before he tried anything else.

None of the Russos paid any attention to the magician desperately trying to talk to them as they left.