Specter7 here! This chapter took longer than all my other ones because school just started up again and I've been crazy busy. Also, this chapter is long and super important to the story. Plus, I accidentally deleted it like three times and had to rewrite it. Oops!
May the Force be with you.
Kanan walked along the sidewalk with nothing but the occasional lamppost to light his way.
He traveled for another moment or so until he noticed a bench beside an empty playground. Kanan walked over to it and laid down on the bench like it was a bed. It was so uncomfortable, with the coldness of the metal rods seeping through his clothes and into his skin. The rust from the bench stained his jacket with streaks of brown and the repulsive smell of garbage tainted the air.
In the back of his head, Kanan was recoiling in disgust. But on the outside, he was smiling as he curled up into a little ball on the bench to sleep. Why am I so happy? Kanan asked himself. This is awful.
Was it because he was full? Because his belly wasn't growling with hunger?
Kanan wasn't able to control his eyes as they closed sleepily. He felt so content. So happy. Yet deep inside, there was an awful ache. An ache that had been pushed aside for what seemed like years.
Kanan felt lonely.
So lonely.
No one was with him to share his pain. No one was with him to cry when he cried or laugh when he laughed. Where was his family?
But Kanan ignored his feelings. He didn't want to worry about that. It was too painful to dwell on what he didn't have. Kanan was full. And a full Kanan was a happy Kanan.
"Goodnight," Kanan whispered, wishing not for the first time that he had someone to say goodnight to.
Kanan opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for awhile before closing his eyes again. A dream, he thought. It was a dream.
He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. All that pent up emotion welled up inside him. He had never felt so... so... alone. There seemed to be a gaping hole inside him. One that he hadn't felt in years. Kanan had never felt so lonely since his... since his runaway days...
Kanan shook his head. No sense in bringing up those emotions again. That was a can of worms he'd only just been able to close.
Kanan sat up in his bed and swung his legs over the edge. That was... That was one crazy dream, he reflected. It felt so real. So stupefyingly real.
Kanan's fingers still seemed numb from the cold bench, his legs seemed to ache from the long walk, the smell of the garbage seemed to clog his nostrils, and he could still taste... what was it? Stale... Stale donuts?
Kanan wrinkled his nose. That...he thought, ...That was disgusting. He smacked his lips together. Kanan swore he could still taste those nasty donuts.
I need to clear my head, he thought. Maybe go for a walk and get some real donuts. Anything to get this taste out of my mouth.
Kanan stood and got some more decent clothes on. Guess I'll take Chopper with me on the walk, he added. Who knows? Maybe we'll even bond.
Kanan paused and then laughed aloud.
Heh. Who was he kidding?
Ezra craned his head upwards at the lightening sky. The sun just barely peeked out above the Lothal County horizon, outlining the buildings in a golden haze.
Ezra sighed as streaks of color lined the early morning sky. Usually he was too hungry to care about such beauties. But Ezra had eaten just last night so today, he sat and enjoyed the sunrise.
Eventually, Ezra stood and sighed. Time to find Kanan and Hera, he thought. But... where do I look?
Ezra was totally lost. He had no clue where the Plains Apartments were and had no way to find them.
"Maybe I can ask for directions," Ezra muttered to himself. He walked out of the thin alley he was in and onto the sidewalk. It was about six or seven in the morning and a few people milled about.
Ezra spotted one and went up to him.
"Hey," Ezra greeted. "Um, do you know where the Plains Apartments are?"
The guy glanced at him then shrugged and shook his head.
Ezra frowned. Well, he was very unhelpful, Ezra thought.
He suddenly spotted another person, a lady with frizzy orange hair, and walked up to her.
"'Scuse me," Ezra said, "Could you tell me where the Plains Apartments are?"
She just looked at him, gripped her purse tighter, and kept walking.
Ezra put his hand on his hips. Why was everyone being so unneighborly?
He kept on asking person after person, getting the same response, until he'd had it. Ezra saw a young man and ran up to him.
"Where's the Plains Apartments?" he demanded.
The young man looked shocked. "What?" he sputtered.
"Plains Apartments," Ezra repeated. "Where's it at?"
The man looked at him with disdain. "I don't know, kid," he said. "There's a pit stop back there." He gestured behind him. "They might be able to give you directions."
Ezra stepped closer, unknowingly blocking the young man's way. "That's not good enough!" he growled. "Where are the Plains Apar-"
"I told you I don't know!" The young man interrupted. "Now get lost, Loth-rat!" He shoved Ezra hard and kept walking.
Ezra let himself be pushed aside, thinking about the man's last statement. Loth-rat, he reflected. Must be Lothal County's version of being called a street rat. The term seemed familiar. Like it fit him.
Unfortunately.
Ezra sighed and walked to the pit stop the guy was talking about. It was a low building with rusted metal columns that held up a wooden overhang. And above that was what looked like the head of a painted U.S. Air Force jet mounted into the brick building next to the words, 'OLD JHO'S PIT STOP.'
Ezra peeked inside the building. There weren't even doors to the pit stop; it was all an open area.
He walked inside. Hopefully, Ezra thought, someone knows where the Plains Apartments are. He looked around. Even at seven in the morning, the place was bustling with people.
Ezra steered clear of the bar area and walked up to the counter. Behind the register was an old man that looked to be in his late fifties or early sixties. He had a dark green baseball cap pulled low over scruffy eyebrows and heavy eyelids. His face was lined with wrinkles yet he seemed nice enough. The old man wore a dirtied white uniform that had yellow and brown accents which covered a slight potbelly.
"What can I do for you, my boy?" the older man asked in a slight Northern accent.
Ezra glanced at him distractedly. "I-um-I need directions. Do you know where the Plains Apartments are?"
The pot-bellied man nodded. "Sure do, but if you want to know, you gotta do me a favor."
Ezra narrowed his eyes. Maybe this guy wasn't so nice after all. "...What?"
He patted the counter. "Pull up a chair and let me get you something," the old man answered. "You look like you haven't eaten in days."
Ezra stared at him, eyes wide. He was... he was giving him food? Real food? Like, real-food-from-a-restaurant real food?
The old man didn't wait for him to reply and went back into the kitchen area. Ezra sat down in a seat behind the counter in dream-like slowness. In no time, the food was out and he was munching down on a hamburger ravenously.
"What kinda drink you want, my boy?" the old man asked.
Ezra hesitated. "Water, I guess."
He filled Ezra up a cup and slapped a lid and straw on it. Two minutes later, Ezra was leaned back in his chair, eyes closed. He patted his stomach absently, happy to find that it had extended, and this time, not from hunger.
"Full already?" the old man exclaimed. "Why, I figured a half-starved boy like yourself would want more than just a hamburger. And you didn't even eat the fries!"
Ezra shook his head and closed his eyes. "I can't eat anymore," Ezra mumbled. "I'm stuffed."
The old man leaned over the counter. "When's the last time you've eaten?"
Ezra sleepily opened his eyes. "I ate a few donuts yesterday," he said. "And the day before that I had a banana. Well, half of one. That was on the ground. This is actually the best I've eaten in a long time."
In the back of his mind, Ezra was frowning. Why was he telling this man everything? Ezra Bridger never spills his guts to anyone! Why was he being so trusting? Must be all this food I'm eating, he thought suspiciously. It's getting to my head.
"Well, no wonder you're not eating too much!" the old man exclaimed and began wiping the counter with a damp rag. "Your stomach shrinks anytime you don't eat. Your lil' belly must be the size of a pea right now."
Ezra arched an eyebrow. He found that hard to believe about his stomach shrinking and everything. But he did eat a lot less then kids his age, mostly because he wasn't used to shoveling that much food down his gullet.
"You know who I am?" the old man asked suddenly.
"Nope."
"I'm Jho," he answered. "People call me Old Jho. I run this place."
Ezra suddenly remembered seeing the sign, OLD JHO'S PIT STOP. Ezra had just been given a free meal by the manager of a shop.
"Now," Old Jho said "I gave you my name... what's yours?"
Ezra. Ezra Bridger.
He almost said it... Ezra opened his mouth and almost said it. But for some reason, the two words that came out were completely different.
"I'm Dev."
Old Jho smiled and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, Dev."
Ezra gave a hesitant lopsided half-grin. And it felt so fake. He liked the old man, but... Ezra never gave out his real name. Social Services would find him if word got out he was in Lothal County.
"I'll tell you what, Dev," Old Jho said. "I know you're a hungry young man, but I can't be givin' away all my food. So I'll make you a deal. In a week or so, why don't you come on down here and I'll give you some jobs to do around the pit stop. In return, I'll feed you. And if you work real hard, I'll pay you. How's that sound?"
Ezra couldn't believe what he was hearing. "A job?" he asked, his mouth agape. "You're giving me a job?"
"Offering one," the old man corrected. "I know you have to think about it so, like I said, I'll give you a week. And if you still want directions to the Plains Apartments..."
"I do."
"Then go out of those columns, take a right and keep on going until you reach Atollon Road, then take another right. Keep on going until you reach the apartments."
Ezra hurriedly stood up. He had almost forgot about finding Hera and Kanan!
"Thanks, Jho," Ezra told him and headed for the street. As he walked through the rusted metal columns that held up the overhang, he could hear the old man calling behind him.
"And don't forget about my job offer, Dev! I expect you bright and earlier Monday next week!"
Ezra was about to holler back an, 'I will!' when he remembered.
I'm not staying in Lothal County, Ezra reminded himself. Social Services is looking for me. ...I'll never see that old man again.
He turned without another word to Jho and walked out into open air.
Hera turned sleepily in the bed. Faint sunlight filtered through the closed window seals, sending slight rays of light into the room. She glanced at her alarm clock. 7:23.
Hera yawned and sat up. Seven something might have been early for some people, but for Hera, she counted as sleeping in. Normally when she was on-duty, Hera got up at five or earlier.
She stood and glanced at the bed, expecting to find Kanan there sleeping the morning away. But... it was empty.
Hera ran a hand through her long, blond hair. Her husband was up already? Kanan sure is full of surprises, she thought while shaking her head.
Hera walked to the kitchen area and stretched. Kanan wasn't in there either. And Chopper was being awfully quiet...
"Chop?" she called. "Kanan?"
No answer.
Maybe I'll call him, Hera said. She picked up her phone from off the counter and dialed her husband's number.
"Love?"
"Hey, Hera," Kanan's surprised voice said. "Didn't know you were up. I was trying to get back before you noticed."
"I noticed, dear," Hera said dryly.
"Well... I went ahead and got breakfast. You know, as a celebration of our last day without you having to work."
Hera smiled slightly. "That's very sweet," she said finally, "but I can read between the lines, Kanan. You can tell me about the real reason you got breakfast when I get there."
"Get...where?
"I coming to you, love. I'm assuming you have Chopper with you?"
"Yeah..."
"And where are you right now?"
"At the park on Atollon Road, not far from our apartment. ...You sure you want to come to us? I'm almost home."
"It's okay, dear," Hera said, going back to their room and slipping on a jacket. "I want to go for a walk."
"Alright," Kanan agreed. "If you want to, I'll be waiting for you."
"Give me five minutes," Hera said as she put on her shoes.
"See you in a few."
The line went dead and Hera walked out the door.
Ezra stood in front of a tall, brown-bricked building. The windows were clouded and foggy, the roof molded and gross, the fire escapes rusted and rickety, and the flower bed outside was covered in spindly weeds.
So this is the Plains Apartments, Ezra thought wryly. It definitely lives up to it's name: plain.
Ezra shrugged and walked to the front desk.
"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked, arching her eyebrows as if to say, What's a raggedy kid like you doing here?
"I'm looking for room Zero-Three-Dash-One," Ezra said, remembering Ketsu's instructions. "I'm gonna see some... friends."
The receptionist relaxed and went back to reading he magazine. "The Zero-Three rooms are on the third level. You'll find the one you're looking for there."
"Thanks," Ezra said and hurried to the stairs. After running up three flights of steps, Ezra came to the right hallway. He stepped outside the door labeled; 03-1.
Here it goes, Ezra thought, breathing in a nervous breath, and knocked.
One long moment passed.
Then another.
He knocked again, frowning.
Nothing.
Ezra jiggled the doorknob. Locked. Of course it would be. Was he even at the right door? Was he even at the right apartment?
This is the place Ketsu told me, Ezra thought uncertainly. What if she lied?
He froze. What if she lied?
"Can't trust anyone," Ezra breathed. He couldn't trust anyone. He knew that. Why was he so willing to trust again and again?
Ezra looked at the doorknob.
"One last chance, Ketsu," he muttered. Ezra slipped his tan-colored backpack off his shoulders and dug out a thin, metal rod. It had ridges and small rifts at the tip: perfect for lock-picking.
Ezra stuck the stick-like rod in the key hole and jiggled it around. With expert hands and nimble fingers, there was a click and the door unlocked.
He was in.
Ezra walked into room 03-1 and shut the door behind him. The apartment wasn't much but with the small kitchen, tiny dining table, warm living room, and comfy couch, it seemed pretty cozy.
"Hello?" Ezra called. His voice echoed in the empty apartment.
Ezra's face fell as he sat in one of the dining table's chairs. He put his head in his hands. No one's here, Ezra thought hopelessly. Kanan and Hera aren't here.
And maybe they never were.
"I can't trust anyone," Ezra mumbled, his heart starting to beat frantically. Ketsu betrayed him. She must have. Ketsu had to have wanted to settle a score with a Sabine and sent Ezra on a wild goose chase out of petty resentment.
Ezra suddenly stood, the chair clattering to the floor. Ketsu had done this! She had wanted to get back at Sabine and Ezra was caught in the middle!
Sabine.
She was the one making Ezra soft. She had to be. Before he met her, he never trusted anyone but himself. He survived. That's what he did. That's who he was. Ezra was alone and nothing under all the stars would ever change that!
Not even... he reflected miserably, ...Not even Sabine...
Ezra picked the chair up off the floor and set it down gently. He shouldered his backpack and locked the door to the apartment. Ezra took one sad, last look at room 03-1 and left. For good.
As the door closed, the doors to Ezra's heart closed as well. The little blossoming seed of hope... the hope that maybe he might not have to be alone any more, the hope that he would be more that a street rat-more than a Loth-rat... died. It shriveled up inside him and and disintegrated into tiny little pieces. He would never know Hera Syndulla and Kanan Jarrus. He would never have faces to associate those all-too-familiar names. He really would always be alone.
"Ezra Bridger thieves," he said aloud, his voice hollow. "Ezra Bridger steals.
"Ezra Bridger survives."
"...So that's why I went to get donuts," Kanan finished.
He watched as Hera arched her eyebrows. "Wow," she said finally. "That was... that was one heck of a dream."
"Yeah," Kanan said. He paused. "You know, I haven't felt that alone since... since my runaway days."
Hera said nothing, just held his hand in hers. Leaning up against Kanan, she eventually spoke. "You're not alone anymore," she said and Kanan looked at her. "You've got me now."
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I know," he said finally.
Chopper suddenly barked, ruining the moment.
Hera gave a slight laugh. "And you've got Chopper."
Kanan grabbed the large box to the right of him and set it on his lap. "And I've got tasty, non-stale donuts," he added. "You hungry?"
Hera gave him the stink eye. "You know I'm going back to work at the Air Force base tomorrow. I shouldn't be eating anything so unhealthy-"
"You know you want to."
Hera stared daggers at him for a few more moments before finally sighing. "You're a bad influence on me," she muttered and took one.
Kanan just smiled.
They talked as they ate, sitting on a park bench. Chopper whined and Kanan glanced at the dog. He was at his feet, looking up with grumpy eyes. His face seemed to say, What am I? Chopped liver? I deserve a treat too!
"You don't deserve anything," Kanan shot down immediately, shaking his head. That dog had way too big a head.
"RRRuff!" Chopper barked and jumped on the bench, snapping up a donut in his jaws.
"Hey!" Hera exclaimed and Kanan noticed a half smile on her face.
She's amused at this? Kanan exclaimed mentally.
"Chop!" Kanan yelled after the rust-colored beast. The dog simply ran aways away at sat, his long tongue licking the icing off the donut.
Kanan made a face but then froze. That gut feeling. That unmistakeable pull at the pit of his stomach.
He's close, Kanan thought. So close...
And then there was another pull. But this one seemed to come from his heart and Kanan's pulse started to race. Something was wrong. the person who was looking for them was so close, yet... Kanan feared the person would never find them.
"We've made a mistake," Kanan breathed. He suddenly stood and looked around with wide eyes. Where was he? Where was the person who'd been looking for them?
"Kanan?" Hera asked hesitantly. "What's wrong-"
"He's leaving," Kanan interrupted, beginning to panic.
"Who's leaving?" Hera asked, a worried expression on her face.
"The one who's looking for us!" Kanan said, almost yelling. Oh, no...No, no! Something was wrong! "We made a mistake," Kanan gasped, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "A mistake..."
He started running in the direction of their apartment, Hera chasing after him.
"Kanan!" she called. "Wait!"
He ignored his wife and sprinted as fast as he could toward the Plains Apartments. No, Kanan thought despairingly, no, something's wrong! He can't give up! He has to find us!
He has to find me.
Kanan stopped suddenly. He's here... But where? Kanan slowly closed his eyes and let out a calm, easy breath. He let go of the anxiety that quickened his heart and just breathed. His sixth-sense had guided him this far, it would guide him now.
He didn't turn as Hera came up next to him. After a moment, he took a step forward, turned to his right, tilted his head ever so slightly... and opened his eyes.
He was looking right at a crouched figure on top a small building. It was a boy with an oversized orange jacket over a white T-shirt. He had longish, jet-black hair parted down the middle that was in desperate need of a trim, and almost-copper colored skin. The kid's piercing blue eyes stared at Kanan unwaveringly and Kanan stared right back.
It was him. The person he'd been sensing. He had finally found them.
"He's here," Kanan whispered.
Ezra looked down at the two people on the ground. He had just left the Plains Apartments and was traveling along the rooftops when he had felt that tug. That tell-tale tug pulling him to look over the edge of a roof.
And when he did, he had seen a tall, lean, muscular man in his late twenties... standing. Just standing still with his eyes closed.
Ezra watched as the man took a step forward and turned slowly, his eyes still closed. The man tilted his head upwards and Ezra felt his heart stop as the man faced him. He opened his aquamarine eyes and stared right at Ezra's blue ones.
Ezra held the stare unwaveringly, narrowing his eyes. That man... he knew him. He knew him! But... from where?
Ezra suddenly stood, walked to the building's fire escape, and made his way to the ground.
The two adults in front of him were pretty tall. The woman stood close to the man, looking at Ezra curiously.
"He's the one you've been sensing?" she asked quietly. The woman was kind of pretty, Ezra guessed, for an old person. She had long blond hair, fair skin and sharp, sea-green eyes. The lady was dressed comfy with sweatpants, an oversized T-shirt, and a jacket like she'd just rolled out of bed.
"Yeah," the man answered just as quietly. He was even taller than the woman with tanned skin and ripped muscles. The man's brown hair pulled back into a low ponytail, which was kind of cool. He had a short, neatly trimmed goatee and piercing aquamarine eyes. Ezra couldn't decide if the man's eyes were more green, or more blue.
"Who are you?" the man asked sternly.
Ezra smirked. Ha. This guy was trying to act all adult-y to him? Ezra didn't have to listen to what he said! His business was his own.
"What's it to you?" Ezra shot back.
"It's everything to me," the man said immediately and paused.
Ezra frowned. The guy seemed... distressed.
"I... know you," the man said. "I feel like I know you."
Ezra hesitated. Suddenly, everything seemed to click. He knew exactly who this man was!
"Look, kid," the guy said while pinching the bridge of his nose. "How about you tell us your name, and I'll tell you ours."
"Don't need to," Ezra snapped. "I know who your are... Kanan Jarrus."
It was a guess, but he was right. The man, Kanan, looked shocked. "How-"
"And you're Hera Syndulla Jarrus," Ezra added to the woman. "A captain in the U.S. Air Force."
Hera stared at him with her wide sea-green eyes. "You-"
"I know both of you," Ezra interrupted. "I've been looking for you."
"I know," Kanan said. "And we've been waiting."
It was Ezra's turn to be shocked. "...You have?"
"We knew you were coming for a few days now," Hera said, smiling kindly at him.
Ezra looked from the Hera to Kanan. They knew he was coming? But that was impossible!
"Kid," Kanan said, moving closer to him. "I felt you were coming. I knew. And I swear I know you. From somewhere, I have to."
Ezra slowly stepped back, his survival instincts kicking in. "You don't know me," he whispered, shaking his head. "You don't." Why had he even tried to find them? He hadn't even known what he was going to do when he did!
Kanan stepped forward again. "Why don't you come with us and we can talk about it? It's okay-"
"No," Ezra cut off and continued backing up. "I don't know you. I don't know either of you." Ezra pushed away the gut-feeling that told him to stay. No, Ezra was a survivor. He couldn't go with Kanan and Hera! He couldn't rely on them! He could only rely on himself.
"I don't know you!" Ezra repeated, his eye starting to water at what he knew he was about to do.
"Yes, you do. Search your feelings, kid, you know it's true!"
"No!" Ezra yelled. "My feelings are what got me into this mess! I never should have came."
"Kid!" Kanan shouted as Ezra ran away.
"Wait!" Hera called after him.
But Ezra ignored both of them. He ran and ran and ran. Tears streamed down his face and he finally stumbled into an alley, his body racked with sobs.
No, Ezra thought, shaking his head repeatedly. I'm alone.
I'm alone.
I'm alone.
Kanan and Hera, they wanted me to come with them.
"But I can't," Ezra whispered. "I'll never be with anyone, ever. I'll never rely on anyone else ever again."
He clenched his teeth at the bitter truth. It hurt right now, but it hurt a whole lot less than what he would feel if he trusted someone else other than himself.
People are fickle, he told himself, people are selfish. They're nothing but liars and cheaters! You can't trust Kanan, Ezra! He'd have turned on you the second you went with him.
A tear rolled down Ezra's cheek.
"I came all this way for nothing," he whispered. "Kanan and Hera don't mean anything more to me than names."
...Then you really are all alone...
Ezra Bridger.
Oh my! Oh, the feels! THE FEELS! Ezra why are you so afraid to trust?!
Ahem. Anyway, I'm willing to bet you're having my same thoughts. So, if you thought this chapter had too much angst or was too sad or whatever, in this chapter I was being real, writing what Ezra had to be feeling. This a very influential part in my story and it had to be done. Also, the next chapter shouldn't be as emotional and I am SUPER excited about it!
By the way, I'm going to be posting less and less frequently. School is crazy right now so I'd say a chapter every other week, tops (hopefully.)
Stay hungry for the next chap, guys! Things aren't gonna be so gloomy :)
Specter7 out.