Naruto: Pressure

Naruto slumped at his desk, Hinata on his right and a stranger on his left, as one of the examiners handed out test papers. Ibiki stood at the front of the classroom being generally intimidating. The rules the head of the T&I Department had written on the board were of the type Kakashi-sensei would set: twisted. There would be loopholes in there somewhere, Naruto could sense it, but the blond's mind was not particularly attuned to riddles. Or the kind of abstract problems on the test paper, for that matter.

In order to fill the time until his brain caught up with what Scarface really wanted, Naruto set about identifying and categorising the chakras of the genin present. This was something he did whenever he was bored, and he subsequently had the best memory for chakras -and faces- in the entire village. He literally knew almost everyone, by chakra if not by sight.

Standing water, paper and steel; Rain genin, low chakra levels, probably dependant on weaponry. Poison -both animal and vegetable- citrus and bamboo; Grass genin, decent reserves. Bark, weapons' oil and green tea- wait a moment. That's Oukei. He's a chunnin, has been for three years. What's he doing taking this exam?

Naruto pondered the puzzle, scanning his fellows more broadly. There are chunnin plants in every row, who obviously know all of the answers. If I cheat more than four times all of team seven gets kicked out.

So I need to cheat once, so it doesn't matter if I get caught, and get as many answers as possible in one go. The blond made a cross seal under the desk, focusing on the completely blank test sheet in front of him. Perfect.

A second, identical sheet poofed into being on top of his own. I love shadow variants. The clones are so versatile and the kage kunai and shuriken jutsu provide the basis for creating solid copies of pretty much anything. He seallessly kawarimi'd the shadow copy with Oukei's mostly completed test paper when the disguised chunnin glanced around for a moment, then quickly kawarimi'd the copy with his own, original blank paper. Mission accomplished, the shadow copy dispersed in a wisp of chakra smoke. Naruto erased the name on the paper and replaced it with his own, deeply amused by Oukei's surprise and irritation at losing all his answers. The irritation was self-directed and tinged with amusement; the chunnin clearly couldn't believe some genin had just got the better of him. Remote kawarimi may only work when you swap a something with chakra with something without -the less chakra the better- but it is still the most useful of the jutsus I know. The third-person kawarimi was Naruto's latest and greatest achievement to date and had been converted into seal form to make it less chakra intensive. The technique had saved team seven's hide many, many times.

That's six out of nine questions answered. Now I just have to wait until Scarface gives us the tenth one.

While Naruto was patiently waiting for phase one to come to an end one team after another was evicted from the exam room for cheating too frequently or -Naruto suspected but couldn't prove- blatantly. One Suna-nin got a little rowdy at the prospect, only to get pinned to the wall and psychologically crushed by a chillingly confident Tobitake Tonbo. The blind chunnin was both stronger and faster than he looked.

Thinking about Tonbo gave the genderbending blond confusingly warm and fuzzy feelings which he resolutely tried to ignore. Benihime may have a crush on him but that doesn't mean male-me has to have one, too. Bah. Kaa-san was right: having flesh clones of the opposite gender running around creates sexual confusion. Hime likes men and some women, but she's my sub-self, my female alter-ego.

As a guy... well, Kurenai's hot. So was Tsunami, if a bit soft. Tenten's pretty too, if a bit too hung up on Neji for my tastes.

But I just thought Tonbo looked good as well. Is that because Benihime does or is it gender-independent? Naruto pondered, test paper trapped face down under one arm while his other hand fiddled with his pencil. What would tou-san think of my sitting here and pondering my sexuality during the chunnin exams, I wonder?

Naruto froze as a forgotten memory surfaced. How did I forget that? When Sasuke and I accidentally kissed, what I disliked was that it was Sasuke, not that he was male.

Damn, I like both as either. At least I'll never be short of options.

I really, really, need to stay away from the Seduction corps.

Seduction corps was a small branch of ANBU that dealt in espionage and assassination and recruited the attractive and physically gifted. Being essentially a kitsune in human form and a natural at seduction, Naruto wanted to stay as far from them as was possible: Sex was about fun, not killing. He'd had to tell Ibiki a little about his hidden abilities during the post-Wave interrogation and had explained his subterfuge as being out of fear of getting shunted into Seduction and never being aloud out again. Scarface had let it slide, recognising that it really was raw terror in the blond genin's eyes: very few people actually cared about the psychological well-being of the 'Fox-brat', and if anyone knew he could shapeshift he might have been recruited already, age be damned. I may go into Seduction as a sideline when I'm older, but on my own terms.

A sense of smug amusement radiated from his gut. Naruto guessed that utter indifference to gender of both oneself and one's lovers was something he had in common with his inner bijuu.

The first fourty-five minutes ended and Ibiki gave those who remained the additional rules for the tenth question: pass or fail, and if you fail you never get to take the exam again. Or opt out now and take your chances next time.

Naruto wasn't going to drop out now: Not only would his team-mates kill him, he'd have to spend however-much-more time with and extremely disappointed Kakashi-sensei until the next chunnin exam he was allowed to attend! Plus, being a jinchuuriki it was unlikely he would be allowed to attend anyone else's exams. Ibiki's constant hiking of the room's KI levels finally caused him to retreat into his 'academy idiot' shell and he shouted to the whole room that he'd got this far and wasn't about to quit. He would make chunnin! He was going to be the hokage -which I don't even want anymore the more rational part of his mind commented- and no dumb exam question was going to stop him!

His outburst did completely ruin the atmosphere Scarface was trying to create, which enabled him to re-emerge. He was, of course, extremely embarrassed to have completely lost his cool like that, but he hadn't cracked and that was what mattered. If they think you're crazy they won't push you; crazy is dangerous, Ame-kaa-san had told him once, eyes glimmering strangely. You can't understand crazy, so it cannot be worked around or deciphered.

Then Ibiki took off his headscarf to show the genin who'd made it this far the horrific scars on his scalp. Naruto was not grossed out in the slightest; as Benihime he'd seen them all before. Touched them, too. Besides, Tonbo's were much, much nastier: the blindfolded chunnin had bits of skull showing through his scars here and there and no eyeballs at all.

Scarface was just explaining to the room the purpose of the written test -it had been about cheating discreetly- when Naruto sensed the rapid approach of a terrifyingly familiar chakra signature. The blond spun in his seat, signed 'she-snake' to his team-mates and dived under his desk. As Sasuke and Sakura followed his example the window at the front of the classroom shattered as something -in this case, someone- flew through it. Sometimes I hate Mitarashi Anko. Crazy snake lady and her bloody dango obsession.

As Naruto cautiously poked his head over the edge of the desk he noticed that a good third of the examiners had also ducked; in fact, all of those who had were the ones who had been looking in his direction when he signed to his team. Anko however didn't seem to have noticed his diving for cover; she was too busy complaining to Ibiki about the number of teams he'd allowed to pass his test.

"Never mind," she added cheerfully as Naruto resettled in his seat, her face decorated with a bloodthirsty grin, "I'll cut them in half during the next stage!"

The blond banged his head on his desk, making sure not to poke his eye out with the pencil. Why did it have to be her? What did I do to deserve the crazy snake lady whose idea of training involves poisonous snakes and projectile weaponry! Okay, so she's nice underneath but she hides it very thoroughly.

"Hey, gaki!"

Naruto looked up. Anko was now standing right in front of him and leaning over his desk, her revealing clothing just visible through the gap in her trenchcoat. "Hai?" he ventured.

"Looking forward to the next stage?" the purple-haired tokubetsu jounin asked sweetly.

"Not so much now I know you're running it," Naruto replied truthfully. He never lied to Anko. He respected her far too much for that.

"Oh, you wound me brat, you really do. Trust me, it'll be fun! If you survive, that is!" she cackled. "Come on, everyone! To training ground forty four!"

The blond whimpered again as he joined his team-mates as they all filed out of the room and out of the building.

"Dobe, which one's training ground forty four?" Sasuke whispered.

"Remember that time Sensei chased us over that fence and into those jumping leeches, then called off the exercise so we could escape?"

Sasuke paled.

"Yeah. That's the safe outer fringe. There are tigers in there, as well as more giant insects and other nasties."

Sakura sighed. "We'll have to get high up. There'll be less traffic in the canopy."

"At least it isn't Kakashi-sensei we have to fight against," Naruto pointed out optimistically.

A/N: And the first test is over. Next up: Into the forest of death!

A/N2: Naruto's two lives are starting to intersect and the effects of his kinjutsu usage are emerging. Of course, having a bijuu in your gut is just as likely to warp you in interesting ways... The Seduction corps show up in various fanfics although they are not canon; more something that is probably there as an ANBU subset -dirty jobs under the radar- but never explicitly mentioned. Being who he is with the training he has, Naruto would be terrifyingly brilliant at it.