Chapter 6

Xena's eyes flew open, she glanced down at the sleeping form of the bard. There it was again, a slight moaning. She leaned over, worried that her lover was having another nightmare, although, tonight, she certainly hoped not. Not after earlier. It was not the bard. No, she slept soundly, peacefully. Xena turned and found her weapons beside her, her hand grasping the hilt of her sword, she looked around. The fire was barely glowing, everything else seemed quiet. She found the form of Ankh and listened again. This time, the moan unmistakably came from her. Xena quietly rolled out from the under the blanket, what corner she was left with.

"One good turn is all it takes to get the blanket." Gabrielle had replied to Xena the first time she mentioned the bard's habit of wrapping herself up completely in any available bedroll. That memory made Xena smile in the darkness. Could it be as simple as that? Remembering the times they had shared, so many good times, before these last few months.

She crept towards their guest, pausing along the way to add a few more sticks to the fire. When she reached the other woman, she was only slightly alarmed at the sheen of sweat that made the shift cling to her body. The tea must be working she thought. Ankh arched slightly, another soft moan escaping from her lips.

Xena peered down, the woman's breathing was shallow and rapid. Xena sat, watching her for a moment longer. Slow realization crept across her features as she realized that Ankh was not in pain, instead, she was reacting like a woman being touched by her lover.

Xena was about to creep away when the other woman sat upright, her eyes open, and her lips forming around a scream. Xena quickly placed her hand over the other woman's mouth, not wanting to wake the bard.

Ankh did not struggle but bit back the scream. Her eyes were not filled with passion but terror. She reached up and pulled the warrior's hand away from her mouth. "I, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." She said, shivering slightly as the night air made contact with her skin. Xena pulled the blanket up over the shivering woman. "Thank you." Ankh pulled the blanket tightly around her.

"Is there something you'd like to talk about." Xena finally said, sitting on a log nearest the woman. Ankh looked over at the warrior. Her heart still racing from the images that burned into her mind.

"Warrior- tell me about...desire." Ankh finally asked, not meeting Xena's gaze. "Not quite what I had in mind." Xena replied dryly. Ankh sighed, "Perhaps I am destined to accept your help, but I do not want any harm to come to you or your companion. You have had a rough journey these past few months, yes? Nor do I want to come between you. You know that you are bound soul to soul? "

Xena didn't reply, but continued to gaze at the other woman. Ankh didn't appear to notice that there were no answers to her observations. "That is why I ask you about desire. Can you control your own?"

"I've seen what desire can do. Desire is a longing, a craving. It is an appetite that cannot really be satiated, filled, met. Not even by the object of the desire. That is the danger of desire." Xena finally replied after some pause.

Ankh nodded, still not meeting Xena's gaze. "Why do you ask me about desire?" Xena asked, her tone gentler noting that this woman before her was obviously troubled by her dreams. Ankh sighed. "I wonder sometimes, if I am a prisoner of my desire. Not just desire, but any compelling emotion. My lover." A pained expression crossed her face, "My lover I burn for, but I do not know if I love her."

Xena was not sure what to say, she almost wished that she had let the scream wake Gabrielle up. This conversation was treading into dangerous ground for the warrior. Any overwhelming emotions, like rage...Or thirst for vengeance.

"Gabrielle, she is the light for your darkness isn't she?" Ankh asked softly.

Xena briefly narrowed her eyes at the woman, but she saw no malice, just the shadow of a deep sadness.

"I once thought she was. Now I wonder if it is only that I have shown her the darkness." Xena answered slowly, almost surprised at her own words.

"My lover is a beautiful woman, cursed by a darkness born into her soul. She has a rage that taps into something that I don't know if we mortals should know while we walk this earth. I took my dearest friends into the greatest danger we had ever faced to save her. " Ankh hunched tighter into herself. "I saved her. It seems to be something I am compelled to do. When I first saw her, my heart stopped beating for a moment. I was enthralled by her beauty. That was all I saw and knew only that she spoke my name and how it quickened of my pulse. The first time I felt her touch I melted, as did she at mine. I believed that was love and that it would save her." She gave a harsh laugh.

"I do not think that such an intention is bad, but trying to save someone from themselves is an impossible task, you don't know what face their torment takes." Xena said, her eyes locking onto Ankle's. Or how it can manifest. Would she have wished that someone could have spoken these words to her, before she tried to save the world and forsake Gabrielle in her quest for vengeance. "Then you are a wiser woman than I Warrior. I have just begun to learn this lesson. But I am bound to her, and cannot walk away. I fear if I walk away, she will fall into her darkness and never return. That is something I cannot bear to unleash on the world."

"You can prevent it?" Xena asked, puzzled. She had been unable to quell her own dark urges when she stormed the Amazon village looking for Gabrielle. How could Ankh prevent her lover from succumbing to the darkness? "Yes, in a manner. I saw her darkness manifest itself. Trust me when I say that it is not like your darkness or even my own. She is half hydra or some such beast, she transforms into a monster. Blood and destruction the only thing she craves to satiate her desire. I had to stop her, had to. Lives were at stake, families, children, everything. So I stood before her and blocked her way. She attacked and almost killed me. At the last moment, she turned away from her fury. A healer from the village I had saved, healed me. Created some concoction that was made from her blood and my blood. Bound us by our blood and the desire that beat in our both our hearts. I am sorry, do you really want to hear more?" Ankh paused, shaking her head.

Xena nodded, wishing that Gabrielle were awake to hear this tale, to offer words of comfort. The story caused chills to run up Xena's spine. Attacked and almost killed...

"From that day, we have been together. Sounds romantic, yes? Except my sacrifice only stopped her from killing me, it did not contain her darkness, she did not contain her darkness. I have spent many seasons by the side of this woman and I have always been there to stay her hand. If I couldn't, I would try and soothe the grief she had caused. I didn't know it would never end. When we are alone I can keep her fairly calm." Ankh paused at some memory. "I awoke once to find that she had killed a friend, a companion from my days as an adventurer. She had to she replied, non-plussed by the corpse between us. She was 'protecting' me." Ankh swallowed hard at the memory, then shook her head. "My hands are as stained with the blood she has spilled."

"Did she ever strike you? Did you let her, hoping to still her rage or prevent her from directing it past you?" Xena asked gently- sensing there was something missing from this tale.

Ankh looked up at Xena, her gaze guarded. "I was a captain in the... -I am a warrior..." She did not finish her thought, wondering what she could possibly say to convince Xena and herself that it was not true that she had suffered on more than one occasion trying to quell the furious rage that possessed her lover. That she hadn't spent long hours healing herself in the shattered remains of a room while her lover would sleep beside her.

Xena knew then that she had. She felt the crashing wave of remorse sweep through her when she thought of how she had struck Gabrielle. More than that, had wanted to kill her...

"Do you love her?" Xena asked so softly, Ankh wasn't sure she heard her correctly.

"Pardon? Love? What's love got to do with it? Forgive me, it is only since I have been away from her that I can think of these things. Something in your past Warrior and your darkness, troubles you. I do not believe it can compare to the darkness of one who was cursed with a rage that is not of this world." Ankh saw the shadow that crossed Xena's blue eyes.

"Then you have no idea." Xena replied.

"You have a lover who chooses to be with you. Whatever it is that has happened, you have a wonderful thing you share. You know of what I speak, don't you? You are bound by true love and you each made the choice voluntarily. Did you think the path of love would be so easy? Yet still you are side by side. So I say to you, rejoice in your love. Declare it from the mountains." Ankh shot a dazzling smile across to Xena.

"Go back to sleep Xena, hold your love until dawn nudges you awake, and then gaze into her eyes to drink in the love she holds for you before we start off again." Ankh said, still smiling. "My problems I can wrestle to the ground a little bit longer."

"If you need anything..." Xena started to say. Could this stranger see what she could not? No, Xena knew she had to accept the full responsibility of what she had done. She could not undo it, but last night, finally, some of the power of the love she felt for Gabrielle and vice verse began to sink in again.

"Go to bed Xena. We can discuss this at dawn's light." Ankh cut her off gently. Xena slid back under her corner of the covers. To her surprise, Gabrielle rolled over, her green eyes shimmering with tears as she lifted the blanket to fully cover the warrior.

"Have we both been so blind? We should listen to the woman, warrior of my heart, you are my other half that makes me whole, now and always." Gabrielle whispered as she snuggled against the warmth of her lover's body. Xena's heart clenched as she wrapped her arms tightly around the smaller woman.

"And you are mine. Always, mine." Xena whispered back, the words catching in her throat.

Ankh gazed into the fire, not feeling much better than she had when she had awoken. Her heart churned at the warrior's insight. She feared going to sleep and risk seeing the blonde warrior from her earlier dream or suffer the nightmare of past nights. Her blood pounded loudly in her ears as she tried to ignore the ache between her legs and the chill in her heart.

Xena opened her eyes to the morning stillness. The horizon was just shifting to gray, no ribbons of rose to indicate Apollo's arrival just yet. She nuzzled the red-blonde hair lying against her shoulder, content to listen to Gabrielle's steady breathing. Xena had loved mornings that allowed her to savor the infrequent peace of holding her lover. Lately, it was not a luxury she woke up to. She remembered her conversation with Ankh and turned her head to catch sight of the other woman. Ankh still sat before the fire that she had obviously continued to feed throughout the night. Her luminescent eyes were a darker shade than the previous day. She looked worse this morning than she had the night before. Xena noted the water pail beside the woman and suspected that her haggard appearance had less to do with the poison than something Xena knew she had no herbs or powders for. Sensing the movement, Ankh turned her gaze to meet the warrior's. She gave a small smile and a nod.

Gabrielle opened her green eyes and turned to see her warrior's blue ones peering back at her. She smiled and wrapped her arms around her lover's neck. Instead of nightmares, she had had the most delicious dreams, dreams of pleasure. Of soft cries and skin against skin.

"Morning." She murmured as she leaned up to brush her lips against the warrior's.

"Morning." Xena whispered back into the silky soft lips. Wondering at the slight urgency she felt from the bard.

Reluctantly, Xena pulled away and stood. "We can make the steam caves by mid-day if we leave now."

Gabrielle looked up at the statuesque brunette, scowling. Xena let a small chuckle escape from her when she saw the bard's expression. Gabrielle glared at her, then looked past her towards the sound of light chuckling and saw Ankh laughing from her seat across from the bard. Gabrielle groaned and rose from the bedroll.

"Great, two warriors who find the same things funny first thing in the morning." She grumbled, grabbing the water pail and heading towards the small pond.

"She isn't a morning person is she?" Ankh said, still chuckling. "She likes to be coaxed into it." Xena answered with a smile as she bent down to roll their bedding. "Don't we all? Here, let me do that, it appears to be about the right speed for my contribution to breaking camp." Ankh moved beside the warrior. Their eyes met and everything that Ankh had not said earlier, she knew did not matter. In some primal way, they were of kindred spirits. They were allies.