Chapter 5

Returning

Sakura POV

My little girl's is four months old today. Four months ago I was in labor, terrified and scared, crying and praying for her, for her health, for her sweet and little life. Now when I'm looking at her lying in her cradle I can't believe all that has happened so soon and unexpectedly in my life. I never thought of having a daughter at the age of sixteen. I never thought I would not be married when this happened. And I never thought that my baby girl would be his too.

While I was growing up with him surrounding me with his presence and making me to like that serious boy and later fall truly in love with him, I always knew in my heart of hearts that the chance to have his love was equally to zero. I knew deeply that he would never look at me as a girl, as a woman. So my dreams of marrying him and having his children were at the end just that. Dreams. Sweet but impossible dreams. But I protected myself behind my hope and kept on dreaming with him.

That's why I can't believe still that I made love with him many times in two different occasions. And that's why I can't believe I have a daughter. A little girl who is mine and who is his. Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming and when I wake up everything is a lie and in my reality I was never his, I was never pregnant and I'm still living my fantasy of having the love of the boy I adore with all my soul. And I cry because I don't want that reality and I want what I think is the dream and I want Miyu with me even with all that had happened, even with the pain and hurt in me.

And that's when I find myself smiling. When she looks at me and a sweet smile is in her face. And I am grateful to not be dreaming. And I am grateful for the part of the nightmare I'm living. But as long as my daughter is with me it doesn't matter. She keeps me going. And the irony is how she can do it being almost exactly as him. She's a beautiful baby. I was never as pretty as her. I'm a very proud mom.

Because you know, my little Miyu resembles him almost in everything. She has black hair (not much yet but she has it anyway) and black eyes exactly like him. I can almost imagine her with her long hair like her father. The same texture, the same straight. Her eyes are exactly the same as his too. I don't get tired of looking at her and wonder of her physical appearance reminding him. Her nose is like his and the color of her soft skin and the form of her rose lips are like mine and the way she smiles too. She smiles just like me. Her temper isn't entirely like mine. She's serious and thoughtful as him, always watching and alert at everything.

Sometimes I think Miyu has an old and wise soul within her tiny body by the way she looks around the world and the people. She doesn't have that sense of loneliness and sadness I saw in him and for that I'm grateful too. She is quiet and she rarely cries. But in her face you can always find something sweet and kind and even understanding that can make you think about it. I wonder what aspects of me she has. Mom says I'll see when she's growing bigger and older. But somehow I doubt she will have my personality. I think this time he in purpose left in her more than me while we were procreating her and I laugh at the irony. Perhaps he did it to torture me. And in my torture I find happiness and eternal and true love. In Miyu I saw him as I would want him to look. Not with coldness and vengeance. Not trapped in hate and darkness.

All the others have noticed this too. Miyu Haruno is very similar in appearance and temper as her father. My father said something about preferring to have a granddaughter with pink hair like me at least. I think he gets startled when Miyu is looking at him without giggling or playing with his clothes or fingers or hair. I get startled. Naruto is the other one who contemplates her with sudden thoughtfulness and melancholy.

But everyone (even the random people of Konoha) can see it. She is his daughter without a doubt. They don't say it thinking it will be rude to me and will hurt me. I don't say it either. Random people sometimes are difficult to handle. They saw me as a bad woman (I'm not using a worse word) and condemn my relationship with the traitor and enemy of our nation. They gossip around the town and even had mistreated me fearing my connection with him. They look strangely and accusingly at me wondering how I was stupid enough to waste my life and future with a child, a child born from "The other mad Uchiha" but I don't care. I have my parents and my friends and sensei and of course, my pride and joy, my baby girl Miyu who sometimes looks at me like if she's asking something I can't figure out. So I just smile happily at her.

My mother just simply adores her. She doesn't care about the color of her hair or her eyes or how much anyone can say she looks exactly as him when he was a small and innocent boy. I know she thinks about it when she's bathing her or feeding her. I have seeing her with that contemplative look in her face. But she doesn't say anything about it and just smiles and talks to Miyu and hold her in her experimented arms and sings happily while the little girl just looks and giggles with that understanding and quite strange look in her deep eyes.

Mom has been almost everything to me. She had helped me a lot with my new motherhood since I was still in the hospital. She was the one who encouraged me to choose her name. She really loves her granddaughter without a doubt. She has grown much attached to her and I think she gets sad when I take Miyu with me to see my friends.

My father isn't as caring and loving with Miyu as mom. I find this strange and concerning. He carries her and rocks her sometimes and even plays with Miyu. But he does it because my mother puts my little girl in his arms or lap smiling knowingly. I can't quite figure out the silent communication between them with their looks and smiles.

But dad was pretty serious (even trying to make it to sound like a joke) when he said that about Miyu's hair. Sometimes he seems really disinterested in her little presence. I have even thought that he avoids being near her on purpose. I haven't said anything but I notice all this. And it's not that he doesn't love her or care deeply for her. I think he's just having a hard time adjusting at the sudden change I have brought to the family with my behavior. And I think Miyu's looking is making his distance and disinterest to grow. I know that if she would have looked exactly as me he would have been happier and more interested in his granddaughter than he is. This saddens me.

They had supported me and they've been there for me and my daughter. And I can't help to sense that in their supporting and love for me they can be thinking things they aren't saying or sharing with me. I fear for the day when they finally understand what I have done since that first night when I slept with him. I fear for the day when they will see the whole picture of the big change in my life and in theirs for what I have done. Probably they're starting to see it. And that's why they share in their silence the things they cannot share with me now.

Sakura POV

My friends and sensei are more understanding (at least that's what I feel) with all this change. They help me to take care of Miyu and Naruto specially is so happy and smiling when he's the one carrying and taking care of her. I just smile when he starts babbling to her about the things he wants to teach her when she's older. Hinata sometimes comes with him (I know they have been seeing each other and I can sense sparks between those two and I feel very happy for them) and just laughs shyly hearing the things he says. She has been the only one to ask me straight and honestly worried about him and how I feel. I felt so grateful and her concerning moved me so much that it melted my shield and filled my eyes with tears. She just took my hand in hers and smiled at me saying everything will be fine in the end. I wanted to believe her kind words. I really did.

I should have known better like always. When everything seems going perfectly and peacefully there's one force strong enough to shake my world. And that force was getting nearer without my knowing until I unexpectedly noticed its effect in my surrounding and life. It was too late then.

It started when I listened to my parents talking in the night. I had put Miyu to sleep in her cradle and then walked to my room tired and with the smile she always manages to put on my face. That's when I heard them discussing and talking and his name came out in their words. I stopped trapped by the sound and curiosity and I got closer to my parent's room until I could hear them quite clear and my name came out now. I knew I was doing wrong listening at their private chat but I couldn't help myself when I started to understand what they were almost fighting about.

"Sakura will never allow you to do that!"

"She's just a little girl trying to live something she shouldn't have been living!"

"That's why you think you can decide for her and her life?"

Mother was calmer than father and I felt a wave of gratefulness at her protection for me. I should have known better like always.

"Yes! We are her parents; we know what the best is for her. And I know you think and feel the same about all of this like me. We both knew that all this was going to disrupt her life and reputation and future. This was going to put her in danger. We're not good parents if we let her going on with this thing that it will not do well for her!"

"I know you're right… it's just that I… we supported her since the beginning and I don't know…"

"I know honey. I thought too that we could do it and everything will be fine. I truly believe it and wanted it to be like that. But days and weeks had passed and everything has been clarifying in my head. We shouldn't have been so supporting or easy to forget. To forgive her mistake. We know how dangerous that boy is. We should have managed this matter in other way."

"You're saying Miyu is a mistake."

My mother talked with an angry voice. My father kept quiet for minutes. And I, who was listening with my ear against the door, was crying without a sound. The sadness had trapped me in its grip and my heart hurt between its cold fingers.

"You know what I mean. All this, my beloved and talented daughter, my bright girl, having sex with that Uchiha boy, who by the way was the only survivor of a clan that seems only trouble and psychotic business, and then getting pregnant at the age of sixteen, almost dying in the labor and giving birth to a premature baby, who by the way it's exactly and terrifying as him in her looks and endangering everyone in this house, even his daughter and Konoha because of the relationship between him and my naïve Sakura… Don't you really think is a mistake? All of that? Come on. This wasn't what you wanted for Sakura either."

He paused thinking in all he had said without knowing I was listening with my heart broken. I knew I had done wrong accepting him in the first place but still it hurt to hear my father retelling my life in that way.

"You and I wanted the best for her, having a bright career as a medical ninja, meeting and dating healthy and good boys, marrying one who could be a good husband and having children with him, children with sane blood in their veins and pink hairs if they were girls because you know very well that all the women in my family are born with pink hair! It has been like that for generations! Why that little girl, his daughter, doesn't have pink hair? She's an Uchiha more than anything! And that freaks me out with all that had happened with that clan and the rumors. It gives me the creeps when I see her eyes, his eyes by the way, looking at me. I'm sorry. I know is not the poor little girl's fault. She's innocent in all this mess. But I cannot help my feelings and sensations. I simply cannot."

My father ended his charade and sighed tiredly with angriness and a guilty face. Mother just looked somehow amazed and nostalgic at him in silence.

"I have tried honey. You know better than anyone. I can keep trying. But we failed as parents. We failed and that's the plain truth. We let our daughter to get lost. And now she's in frequent danger because of him. He appeared here in Konoha when she was still pregnant and almost kills her and the baby in the process with his mere presence. And you have heard the rumors and they are true. He's near Konoha and why do you think is that? It's because of Sakura and Miyu. I think it's because he wants his daughter with him. He wants her because the little girl is an Uchiha after all. He always seemed affected being the only survivor in his clan. A clan his mad brother destroyed by the way."

"That's why you want to manipulate Sakura's life. You want to marry her with some powerful ninja from the Sound to protect her. Some man who doesn't care about her previous life and Miyu. Not a simple boy. That's why you've been telling her to start thinking in her future and Miyu's too."

My mother just stated the facts thoughtfully and very pale by the last confession of his husband.

"That's not all. Yes, I want a man with her who can protect her and her daughter too. But I want her to marry someone picked for us that can provide her a good and secure future. She cannot go back to be a young girl like her friends. She's marked forever even if it hurts us. Sakura is now a woman and she will be treated like one and that's why she will marry with someone I had picked and she will be a good wife and she could still be an amazing medical ninja. Being married no one in Konoha will feel free to badmouth her anymore or mistreat her for sleeping with that boy and having his child. I need to do this or she will end again in his arms and trap like the last time! Having sex with him without having a relationship and making everyone to thought she's just a…!"

His father ended up shouting angry and frustrated. Her mother had tears in her eyes.

"It happened when she was already pregnant, I know even if she didn't say it, that night when she disappeared. I will protect my daughter; I will fix this, fix her future and life. I will give her a husband and a home and respect. That's what I'm going to do even if she cannot understand or doesn't like it. I love her. I need to save her if she can't save herself."

"I can understand all that. I agree with you but… What about Miyu? You're only trying to help Sakura… What about your granddaughter?"

"Sakura is her mother. She probably will take her to her new home and life."

He simply added indifferently. My mother was looking at him in silence doubting sadly and desperately.

"You're trying to save our daughter. But in my own opinion you're trying to save something that is out of your hands already… I will support you but I don't think you could help her as you want… but I… I feel more concern for Miyu. It's her and her life what I want to help and save. I cannot do anything more for Sakura but for my granddaughter…"

"You only want a second chance in that little girl."

Father stated that coldly and made my mother flinch a second. By the way she turned her gaze guiltily and kept silent made everything clear and gave the truth to my dad's words. I kept crying in silence, shocked and hurt.

"And what if I want it? What if I can do it better with Miyu? I don't care if she doesn't have pink hair nor has black eyes! I don't care if she looks more like him than Sakura! I love her! I want to be near her… she's my granddaughter… I can raise her and educate her if Sakura wants to restart her life! She's young and she missed a lot of things! Probably she misses to do things she would have wanted to do…"

"If that was the case and Sakura decided to left Miyu to us you want me to support you right? That's what you're asking and wants me to say."

"Yes. Will you support me?"

"Of course. You're my wife and I love you. But I won't be around that little girl as she was Sakura. That little girl is not a second chance to me. I haven't given up on my daughter."

"It's not a question of "giving up". If I'm not positive in your plan that doesn't mean that I have given up on her. She's my daughter too. I love her with all my being. It just that I don't think she will accept all of this. I know her."

"Well it doesn't matter. We are her parents and we have been supporting and caring. It's time to ask her to trust in us and let us guide her."

My mother didn't say anymore. She just sighed sad and thoughtfully and my father held her kissing her forehead looking very confident and secure. And I, their daughter, stayed still at the closed door crying silently and hurting. I just half smiled sad and angry at them and at myself and decided immediately what I had to do. What I knew I had to do.

That night I left my home with my sleeping girl in my arms, holding me softly and ignorant of everything happening around her innocent and new world. And I, with a couple of bags, one on my back and the other in my left shoulder, walked alone not wanting to discuss with my parents or ask them anything. No. I just wanted to sleep in another bed with Miyu and leave everything behind at least for some hours while the two of us were dreaming far away from them and their plans and opinions. Together at least.

While she was looking through the window in the living room, she knew this was going to happen. She had her daughter's letter in her hand and was crying silently and sadly. It was raining hardly outside and it was dark still. She had woken up at midnight and went to Miyu's room to check on her. She loved to watch her sleeping, just like she did when Sakura was a baby.

She had found the letter inside the cradle. She wondered how Sakura knew she will find it there instead her own room or other part of the house. After reading the letter she had her answer and started to cry feeling pain and sadness. She felt remorse and regret. But she, but some unknown reason even to her, didn't wake up her husband and just went to the living room and cried and cried in silence, thinking, in the still darkness. It started raining suddenly and she kept just staring at nothing through the window. She knew her daughter was hurt. She knew this was going to happen. It just that she didn't think Sakura would know of everything in that way and not by them. She was thinking in all of that when she suddenly saw something, or thought she had seen, outside. She forgot for a minute her inner mess and pain and stayed watching with attention. Was she seeing things?

And that was when she saw him. She let out a gasp of air startled and surprised seeing him standing in the pouring rain looking at the house, still and quiet as a statue. The poor woman almost had a heart attack but calmed herself with wide eyed expression and speechless. She had hidden herself behind the curtains and just watched afraid and thoughtful at the young boy of black hair and black eyes totally wet. Why he hadn't done anything? Why was he there? Her husband was right in his prediction? So many questions without a straight answer and she was terrified by his sudden presence and all that could mean and cause.

She was pale and shivering thinking that it was almost near the half hour when she had left her husband sleeping alone in their bed and he would notice her absence pretty soon. Her mind started to run fast and not knowing exactly what to do with that presence outside her house she just took the phone and dialed a number. She couldn't handle that now and didn't understand her own explanation through the phone. She just wanted to make him go away. To stop him staring at the house, at the window, even at her with that empty face. Her blood froze in her veins when she discovered he was looking at her directly. She forced herself to stay away from the window and just stand there in the shadows worried and praying for her daughter and granddaughter, watching the boy standing under the heavy rain without a sign of knowing of her observance or presence in the calm house. She only could wait and pray for someone to come and pick him up. But her waiting was interrupted by a sudden yell and a clash of a door. And all she could see then was his husband going out of the house and running to the dark haired boy who didn't care about his shouting or the tall and strong man getting near to punch him.

She didn't know exactly how all happened. She remembered she run to the principal door and then went out of the house and felt the rain soaking her in seconds. She run screaming at her husband to stop, desperate and crying of surprise and fear and the pain and hurt for the leaving of Sakura and Miyu. When she reached the both of them, her husband had him by his collar and was shaking him screaming madly and angry. Screaming hurt. She saw then that he had punched the Uchiha boy before. The father of Miyu had a black and blue eye and blood running out of his nose and lips. His face was still empty and his eyes were looking expressionless at the man but at the same time they seemed lost. When her husband started to beat the boy again she went out of her reverie and tried to stop him. His husband was screaming the same things over and over, blaming the boy for all that had happened with their daughter and their family and calling him a lot of things. He was crying frustrated and she had a hard time trying to make him to free the boy from his grasp. She screamed scared and pained and used all her strength until she could finally calm and apart his husband and the boy fell to the ground in his knees breathing hard.

It was then that Kakashi and Gai appeared of nowhere and she sighed grateful and tired still trying to imprison her husband in her sweet embrace. She saw the two experimented ninja came near to the fallen boy still and quiet, and they got in their knees cautiously and ready. She focused in her husband then, calming herself. She had been so worried for him. She was scared that the Uchiha boy could have kill him without a doubt.

"Stop Kakashi! Let me finish...!"

"Stop darling! Let them take him! Please!"

Gai lifted the boy carefully and silent supporting him with an arm around his shoulders. Kakashi just sighed tiredly looking at us.

"She's right. Stop now. He hadn't defended himself. You'll catch a cold. Go to sleep, tomorrow you can "finish" this in the Hokage's office."

"But Kakashi I cannot let him go just like that...! I... I...!"

"Stop right now! Please darling... let's go to home and dry... I need to talk to you seriously!"

The angry man looked at her and knew something was wrong. The plea in her crystal eyes was special and being his wife for so many years he had come to knew her. He nodded angry still and let her guide him holding him strong against her shivering body. Before they were away her husband turned his cold and infuriated gaze to the boy who was in Gai's arms barely standing and distant at everything.

"Don't dare to return here or I'll swear I'll kill you! Leave my family alone you hear me!"

"Let's go honey, come on..."

She rushed him to return to the house and saw him walking tense and murmuring things without noticing that she didn't follow him. She called Kakashi to her side very worried and afraid. Gai stayed behind still supporting the quiet and seemingly lost boy.

"What is it?"

"Kakashi, Sakura and Miyu aren't here anymore... She heard us talking about... some things and she... left home hours ago with my granddaughter... I'm more worried because of him here!..."

Kakashi nodded thoughtful.

"Calm down, don't worry. We'll take care of everything and if we know something of Sakura we'll notice you, alright? I'm pretty sure she just decided to go to one of her friends' house. Now go to talk to your husband and sleep."

"Ok... thank you..."

He just smiled and then he went back to his ninja friend and the silent boy and they left right away. IShe stayed there seeing them go, especially the one who was the father of her granddaughter who didn't react like she had supposed he would do. It was almost as if something wrong had happened to him. So wrong and terrible that had left him speechless and still as a statue.

She sighed tired and feeling strong enough to confront her husband and tell him about Sakura's leaving. Just remembering made her eyes fill with unshed tears and immense sadness and the hurt and pain of failing as a mother crushed her. She agreed with her husband in a lot of things. But she didn't want to lose her family. She still doesn't. And so she walked back home shivering with cold and exhausted.