Shadows and Fangs

Chapter 5

Shorter than usual, but then again I'm also meaner, that compensates, right?

The Inuzuka clan's compound wasn't close to the Nara clan grounds, nor was it particularly close to the Hokage's building, so there was little chance of running into Kiba on his way to work and back, a fact Shikamaru found himself increasingly grateful for. They hadn't been assigned to work together either, although from what he gathered, Kiba was currently giving desert survival classes to genin and chuunin level shinobi, as well as keeping in contact with the Suna representatives in Konoha to further the collaboration and bond between the two villages. Not to mention, he was also heavily involved in the establishment of the exchange program with the other villages, having been its first test subject. So all in all, he was quite busy.

That was why Shikamaru absolutely wasn't expecting it when he walked into Kiba and Akamaru at the entrance of the Nara clan grounds. "Kiba…what…" Clearly, his oratory skills were really second to none where the Inuzuka was concerned!

Kiba smiled tentatively at him while Akamaru barked a greeting. "I'm here to meet with Captain Ensui, actually," he told him.

Shikamaru wished he had a perfect response to that, but he'd apparently lost his voice. He was briefly curious but then figured it probably had to do with Suna: having a shinobi spend nearly a year in another village in close collaboration with that village's forces was something new that up until a year ago had been completely unheard of, even unthinkable. It was to be expected that Kiba's experience now made him a prized asset in anything pertaining to the Sand. Shikamaru tried to squash the feeling, but it made him very proud.

Well, it could also be that he'd simply been assigned to Ensui's squad, naturally – a tracker was valued on any information gathering mission after all.

Still, he couldn't stop himself from sighing in relief when Kiba excused himself as it wouldn't do to be late, since he was "already getting enough strange looks as it is". Shikamaru nodded back coolly, but inwardly he pretended not to notice that it was a not-so thinly veiled attempt from Kiba to point out that Shikamaru himself visibly wasn't too keen on seeing him.

He really didn't like it when Kiba saw through him like that.

In all fairness, Shikamaru very well knew that he couldn't keep on avoiding Kiba forever. They lived in the same village, had the same friends and held the same rank: their paths were bound to cross at some point. Apparently, that point was the main street off the administrative building, where he and Naruto were walking together to go get that ramen – after the blond had ambushed him in the Hokage's office and dragged him out, no less.

"So then I told Iruka that didn't matter anymore, because I'm no longer a kid, you know? But I guess he'll always worry – which, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate!" Naruto insisted with a grin as he talked about his father-figure happily. He then perked up as he noticed a familiar pair up ahead. "Hey, Kiba, Omoi!" he called loudly as he waved his hands until he was next to them.

Shikamaru tensed, resisting the urge to escape, and followed him with a sigh. Once at their level he nodded at Omoi, but his eyes were more drawn towards Kiba, who was as usual exchanging verbal blows with the blond Hokage-in-training.

"Yo, still as lively, I see," Omoi greeted around his toothpick.

"Long time no see!" Naruto said brightly as he ignored his jibe. "Hey, did you guys eat yet? Shikamaru and I were just about to hit Ichiraku, you up for it?"

"Ichiraku?" the foreign man repeated curiously as he turned to Kiba.

"A ramen stand Naruto practically grew up in," his friend informed him with a grin.

Omoi looked up as he seemed to consider it, and finally nodded. "Sure, it's not like I had any plans."

"Great!" Naruto said happily as he turned to Shikamaru. "I hope you don't mind, our date just got more crowded!" he teased.

"I'm heartbroken," Shikamaru deadpanned although he followed him with a lazy smirk. Kiba raised an eyebrow at him, but he shrugged helplessly.

"With ramen, you have to be extra careful, because it's easy to get impatient, but broth cools down slowly and you could get burned, which could lead to your tongue and possibly even your throat swelling, therefore diminishing your ability to breathe freely – and then what?" Omoi muttered under his breath as they sat down.

"Always the optimist, Omoi," Kiba commented with an amused snort as he heard him despite his low volume.

"What brings you here anyway?" Naruto wondered conversationally.

"I came with Karui," the Kumo shinobi informed him. "She dumped us earlier, but she's going to be spending a few months here, for the exchange program."

Naruto felt torn at this – he still remembered Karui's beating when he'd refused to give her any information about Sasuke, but at the same time, he'd always liked the hands-on approach that she favored. "That's cool. Kiba just returned from Suna on that same program – oh, but I guess that's why you were with him, so you'd know about it," he mused as he jerked a thumb towards his friend. "Was it really cool?" he then wondered curiously.

"Yup!" the Inuzuka confirmed. "I spent a year there, but we're aiming for a six months period for the regular program. It was really great though. Completely different, but ultimately great. I'm sure Karui will blend in quickly with us!" he added with a smirk, knowing she had too much of a temper to, but that it would at the very least be entertaining.

"You were basically the test subject for this venture," Omoi commented with a raised eyebrow. "I'd imagined you'd boast about it more!" he added though not critically.

Kiba laughed at this and shrugged. "Hey, you want me to brag, I'll brag!" he assured him.

"Nah, I'm good."

"We all are," Naruto immediately added from his side.

Kiba elbowed his blond friend without turning to him and continued to speak with Omoi. "Anyway. A lot of kinks were worked out, and with the way it is now, Karui should find it fairly painless!" he assured him.

Omoi nodded back at him and then looked up as he thought about something. "I wanted to go to Suna for the chuunin exams, but I had too much to do back in Kumo," he remarked with a shrug. "That's too bad; I'd have really liked to see my old captain from the war again."

"You were in the ambush squad with Sai, right?" Naruto tried to recall, not noticing how the other two shared a tense look. "Then your captain was Kankuro."

Omoi nodded at that, taking a cautious sip from his tea. "Yeah. Cool guy. I wonder how he's doing."

"He's the Kazekage's brother, he's busy as heck!" Kiba replied with a shrug. "But he's doing great," he added with a fond grin.

Shikamaru was proud of himself that he didn't huff despite his urge to as he rested his chin on his palm. They were served their meals at this point, and while Naruto and Kiba dug in, he and Omoi tried to let it cool appropriately. They didn't linger for long once they were done though; they each had early mornings planned. He'd almost reached his clan's grounds when he saw Kiba – without Akamaru, surprisingly – waiting for him, and it was always strange how he inspired both alarm and anticipation in him. Still, he stopped by him, keeping his hands in his pockets and his general air of nonchalance.

"If it's going to make you jealous every time, I'll start making it a point to bring up Kankuro in every conversation," Kiba teased him with an easy grin.

Shikamaru did not resist his urge to roll his eyes at this. "Did you wait for me just to tell me that?" he asked with a scowl.

"Yes and no," the Inuzuka replied as he pushed himself off the tree he was leaning against. "I wanted to talk to you the other day when I came by, but well…I think your mother still hasn't forgotten that time when we were five and Akamaru peed inside. And I was really on a tight schedule that week!" he recalled with a shrug.

"Yeah, I heard you've been busy," was the easy reply as he forced himself not to chuckle at the reminder of the day that Yoshino Nara's intense dislike of the Inuzuka clan became set in stone.

"But I want to see you more often," Kiba said honestly, not being one to stay quiet, true to himself. "I mean…not just for the night – well, I wouldn't be against that but…I want to spend more time with you," he admitted as he raised a hand to scratch the back of his head nervously.

Shikamaru wondered if it was normal to feel the breath knocked out of him when he hadn't been touched. "What…are you saying, exactly?" he wondered with a frown.

"What we did, it wasn't just sex to me," Kiba said as he held his look. "And I know it wasn't to you either. So I guess what I'm saying is that I want a chance to explore what more we could be together, Shikamaru."

"More?" Shikamaru repeated, shaking his head. "You know we can't be more, Kiba – I told you that," he reminded him.

Kiba sighed at this, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, well, you also told me not to fall in love with you, but it's not like I can help that," he admitted matter-of-factly – although the way his look trailed to the side for a second betrayed his self-consciousness at this admission.

"You…what?" He couldn't have heard him correctly, right?

"Yeah, took me by surprise, too," the other shinobi muttered. "You keep saying we can't, and that you have a duty to your clan, but don't you have a duty to yourself as well?" he wondered as he stepped closer to him.

"I'm not hiding behind excuses, Kiba," Shikamaru reminded him as he shook his head in annoyance. "Even if I'm not going to be the head of the Nara clan, I'm expected to produce an heir of my own one day, and that's something I wouldn't be able to achieve by being with a man, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that," he said tiredly.

"Yes, because the Nara clan is on the brink of extinction, and if you don't pitch in, your techniques will be lost forever!" Kiba noted sarcastically as he threw his hands up in the air. "Do you even want to be a father? Or is that only something you feel you owe your parents?" he asked shrewdly. The shadow-nin's lips formed a thin line at this, and the Inuzuka knew he'd hit the bull's-eye. "We've been risking our lives on the job every day since we turned twelve, and I'm not sure I could actually count the number of times I almost died if I wanted to – I doubt you'd be able to either, to be honest. We've already survived one Great War – and that one was a pure stroke of luck. We could die on any mission, don't you think that makes us entitled to live our lives for ourselves?" he asked him less belligerently as he looked him in the eyes.

Shikamaru sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "That's easy for you to say, Kiba. You're the second child in a family belonging to a large clan. No one expects more from you than to just do your best and work hard for the village," he told him quietly, not aggressive despite his words.

"When did you start caring so much about what people expect from you?" Kiba wondered with a frown. "You used to care only about doing what you wanted!"

"We can't stay kids forever," Shikamaru replied in a low voice as he looked to the side towards his house in the distance.

"And here I always thought being an adult was about finally doing what you really wanted!" Kiba countered with a warm grin as he tentatively moved his hands to his face. "This is what I want, Shikamaru," he whispered confidently, allowing himself to hope as he wasn't pushed away. "And why did you come to me the other night if it's not what you want as well?"

Shikamaru chuckled despite himself, although it was out of pain, not amusement. "Why…?" he repeated in a distant voice as he squeezed his eyes shut and pushed him back. "Why won't you just forget about me and move on, Kiba?"

Kiba was taken aback at this, momentarily unable to reply.

"Why won't you give up on me?" Shikamaru demanded as he looked up at him once more, truly angry at him – and at himself, for getting so emotional about the entire deal in the first place. "Why do you keep insisting even when it's obvious it would make it so much easier for the both of us if you just let it go?" he demanded, barely able to keep his voice from raising in volume as he grabbed the other man's shoulders – painfully so, he knew, he hadn't failed to notice his wince.

"Because you love me!" Kiba replied as he grabbed his arms to make him lighten his hold, true to his nature being unwilling and unable to back down. "I can't give you up because you love me back!"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed as Kiba's voice had broken his trance, making him realize he'd been acting completely beside himself. "I don't," he replied quickly with as much certainty as he could.

"You do," Kiba said matter-of-factly with his usual brash honesty as he held his look. "Otherwise this wouldn't bother you half as much as it does. And you wouldn't care so much about the way I feel," he listed methodically – so unlike him, yet so like him, not to run away from unpleasant facts.

"We're friends, regardless of what we might've been at some point," Shikamaru told him with a frown, pulling his arms back and shoving his hands in his pockets – anything so they wouldn't touch Kiba anymore. "Of course I care if you're hurt because of me." Yes. Friendship—safety. Playing it safe was good – a lie was always so much easier to spin when part of it was true.

The unimpressed expression bordering on annoyance that spread over Kiba's face was unusual to say the least, but the Inuzuka visibly wasn't planning on being baited into either letting go or agreeing they were only friends. "We are friends," he conceded with a huff as he crossed his arms over his chest. "And we're also lovers."

"We had sex a couple of times – that hardly qualifies," Shikamaru muttered, resolutely trying to avoid his eyes now.

"And you're suddenly an expert," Kiba retorted as he threw his hands up in the air in annoyance. "And I really wonder why I feel that way, but there's no answering that, I just do!"

"Well feel free to stop anytime," Shikamaru snapped back as he rubbed his eyes tiredly, reining himself in as he couldn't let his resolve crumble.

"Right back at you."

Shikamaru paused with a palm pressed to his left eye and slowly looked back at the other man with a deepening frown. That again?

"I'll stop when you'll stop," Kiba insisted, eyes and voice steady – and how could he be steady during such a conversation, saying such things? It wasn't normal – it wasn't fair!

"We're going in circles," the shadow-nin grumbled under his breath as he shook his head in helplessness. But when he looked back at him, Kiba was that much closer – too close, his instincts screamed at him, but pride made him refuse to show he was affected by stepping back.

"Say you don't love me," Kiba taunted as he held his eyes. "Tell me that, make me believe it, if that's what you really want." It was a challenge, but somehow it was also a plea. "Don't think I enjoy feeling that way – I don't. But I can't give up – because I don't understand why you feel like peoples' expectations are so important – I really don't," he snarled.

Shikamaru fought really hard the urge to gulp, and remained impassive even as he was forced to clench his hands into fists so he wouldn't pull Kiba closer and officially send his sanity down the drain. "I'm not in love with you," he replied in a surprisingly collected voice. "We got confused because the sex was good," he added, yet again lacing his lie with a truth.

Kiba's mouth formed a thin line for a second before he almost imperceptibly let out a small breath. "It was pretty good, wasn't it?" he then asked with his usual cocky grin, and Shikamaru resolutely did not pay attention to how off it was as he – finally – stepped away.

Yeah, right…'good'…more like messy and awkward and weird and mind-blowing and absolutely freaking amazing. But sure, 'good' was a decent, non-committal summary – just what they needed.

"I hope you'll be happy living your life keeping up with other people's expectations," Kiba said as he turned to leave, voice only slightly dripping with sarcasm – and that much more with resignation.

Shikamaru wished he had something to retort to that that wouldn't make him sound bitter or resentful, but even with all his brains he couldn't think of anything, so he let silence be his reply. Words were highly overrated after all.

The next time they saw each other, Kiba ignored him, and Shikamaru did a decent job convincing himself he didn't mind.

After Asuma's death, Shikamaru had felt a complete dullness spread inside of him, his own defense against the pain translating to apathy. Probably because he'd been right there, but he hadn't been able to do anything. When his father had died, he hadn't felt the same. There was no time to give in, and there was nothing he could've done. The pain was immense, but he knew he had to look forward – and he wondered, was that mindset the result of experience? He'd have rather never known, then.

Visiting Kurenai and Mirai as regularly as he could had initially started as self-imposed atonement, until Kurenai had told him he didn't need to feel compelled to do anything. After that he'd realized how much he enjoyed these moments; how much it was reassuring and even rewarding to watch his teacher's daughter grow up to look more like her father – and more like her own person – every day.

Teams 10 and 8 had taken turns in babysitting her when Kurenai was out on missions, and he even suspected that it was how Shino had discovered his calling of becoming a teacher – Mirai sure did love her uncle Shino, to most people's surprise! Actually, she loved them all – it could never be said that Mirai Sarutobi did not receive enough affection growing up or give it back tenfold.

And perhaps because of this, his devotion to taking care of Mirai and being a good role model for her, Kurenai had never treated him like a child, and that, he appreciated.

Up until the point she decided to get involved in his predicament. "Shikamaru, there's no nice or easy way to say this, so I'll be frank: you don't look good, and I'm worried about you."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at her but didn't rise to the bait. "I'm perfectly fine," he insisted evenly.

"There's no shame in speaking of affairs of the heart," Kurenai replied seriously with a sigh.

That time, Shikamaru did not resist the urge to slap a palm over his eyes. "What is it with everyone wanting to weigh in on this?" he muttered to himself tiredly.

"'Everyone', as you say, simply cares about you," she replied with a patient shrug. "Naturally, if you'd rather keep moping until your mother decides to take the matter in her own hands…" she trailed off innocently.

"What's my mother got to do with this?" he asked irritably.

"I walked into her at the market the other day. She's worried, too. She told me you've been off for some time, acting even more aloof than usual and spending more time than ever cooped up in your room – which is fine for a brooding teenager, but quickly gets worrying for a normally well-balanced young man," Kurenai noted as he looked at her daughter. "Her words, not mine," she added with a half-smile.

"Women and their gossiping," Shikamaru muttered as he followed her look to watch Mirai play with a children's wooden shinobi set, smiling slightly despite himself as always – currently, the Evil Crab plush was getting pelted with shuriken thrown by the Righteous Monkey plush. There was silence for a moment during which he hoped Kurenai would let it go, however futile that hope was. So eventually, he started looking for words that could make sense of his situation. "I know my responsibilities to the clan," he said eventually. "I won't shirk my duties," he added blandly, wishing he could care as much as he pretended to.

Kurenai surveyed him quietly for a moment, critically, trying to pick him apart and make sense of his mind. Duty? Was that what was eating away at him? "Asuma spent the better part of his life going against the expectations placed on him by his famous clan, mostly just for the principle," she informed him evenly. She felt more than saw his raised eyebrow as he turned to look at her. "He once told me that it was only when he stopped thinking about it so much that he realized he'd long ago exceeded those expectations and the only person pushing him was himself. I think we often have a tendency to set impossibly high goals for ourselves, because we're scared of not living up to our potential; so if they seem impossible to fulfill, then there's an easy excuse in case of failure," she remarked thoughtfully.

Shikamaru sighed as he turned back to meet her gaze, as always impressed by her strength of character. "It's kinda hard though…when the ones you want to make proud the most are gone," he admitted quietly.

"I didn't know your father personally, but still I believe I can speak for him and for Asuma when I say that you've long since surpassed their hopes for you," Kurenai replied seriously before looking down at her hands. "The dead are gone, Shikamaru. We must live for ourselves – and then for our loved ones," she added quietly as she briefly looked at her daughter before gazing back at him. "Good parents only ever want their children's happiness after all," she added with a smile.

The Nara smiled back lazily at this, unable to deny her words.

"And that's why you shouldn't worry about your mother, either," Kurenai continued. "She's strong – I doubt you need me to tell you that. You have to live your life for yourself. I'm not saying it will be easy, far from it – but then again, the good things are the ones worth fighting for, right?" she finished with a serene smile.

Shikamaru didn't have anything to say against that, so he remained silent.

"Did Mirai show you her new plush toy?" she then asked him in amusement.

"She introduced to me to it the moment I walked in," he replied with a fond grin – truth be told, he was still trying to figure out what kind of animal it was supposed to represent.

"Kiba brought it back from Suna for her," Kurenai continued lightly.

"So I gathered," Shikamaru said evenly. On the inside, he tensed, because he was certain she didn't just bring him up randomly. She knew.

Her gaze lowered down to his arm, where his Leaf protector was attached, and she smiled nostalgically. "As his former teacher, naturally it makes me extremely proud that he volunteered for the program, and I never doubted that his results would exceed expectations! Did you know that the Kazekage even extended an invitation for him to move to the Sand permanently?" she then asked him, looking back at his face and noticing how his eyes widened and his breath hitched, however imperceptibly – she was still an expert in reading others after all.

And how could he not react to such information? It was an exceptional offer. While it wasn't entirely unheard of for hidden villages to try and recruit talented shinobi from other villages, it was still uncommon enough that it was extremely notable. The jealous part of him wondered if maybe this was Kankuro's doing, but he shut himself up, because of course that wasn't it; Kiba deserved every bit of praise directed his way – so long as it wasn't to his face, because he still tended to gloat about it like an insufferable brat.

"He hasn't decided yet whether to accept or not," Kurenai continued, absently gathering her hair to one side and running her fingers through the lengths. "It's so very easy to recognize unique opportunities but let them go because of the fear of the unknown, after all," she finished, and the way she looked at him made him certain they weren't really talking about Kiba anymore.

Inwardly, he wondered whether her eyes had always been this piercing.

TBC

I've always liked Kurenai - what little we saw of her anyway, because she soon graduated from 'jounin teacher' to 'Asuma's arm candy', so I like this idea of her having importance and influence in not only her team's lives, but Asuma's as well.
I hope Shikamaru's behavior didn't strike you as too OOC in this chapter. It's my opinion that as someone who's always in such control, when things reach their boiling point he'll just explode - internally.
Kiba on the other hand I see as someone who'll take both the good and the bad in stride and just live on.