Story Timeline 7/8th August 2013 – A week and a half after the events of If You Go Into The Woods Today

Ainsley reflects on the effect that Clint's capture and torture has had on the whole team as he tries to immerse himself in a project that could be critical to the future of the Avengers

The doctor comes into possession of a disturbing secret and turns to Natasha Romanoff to help him decide on how to handle it.

Clint, still suffering the physical and mental trauma of his ordeal, finds comfort and support from Thor while Steve is forced by circumstances to make a couple of big decisions of his own.

*Ampleforth is a private school in England, run by Benedictine monks and patronised by wealthy Catholic families like the Kerrs

*Dom (from the latin Dominus) is an honorific used by fully professed Benedictine monks before their Monastic name

I don't want to be doing this right now.

Ainsley took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. The tensions of the last few days clung to all of them and work was doing nothing to assuage it. Clint was back on his feet but still undergoing treatment for his burns and badly shaken by what had happened to him in the mountains. Not surprising, they'd gone to work on him with a blowtorch after all; oh, and destroyed his favourite T Shirt in the process. The last bit sounded silly really, but it had been from Natasha and Clint wasn't a man who'd had many presents in his life, even fewer friends to give them.

At least he'd spoken to the trauma counsellor Ainsley had recommended and agreed to further sessions. She came from a SHIELD approved list, of course, but Dr Osario had a good reputation for solid common-sense.

Thor had been a godsend, well demi-godsend. The Asgardian might not know the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but he'd seen enough battles to know the ordeals warriors could go through long after physical fighting ended. He was dealing with plenty of his own and the two men had been spending a lot of time together.

"It is my turn to look after Clint" his lover had said to him and Ainsley knew that Thor was working through his own feelings of guilt and jealousy in the best way he knew how, by being present for his friend when he needed him

He could feel the frustration amongst the others with Fury keeping them at arm's length from the case. The existence of weapons powerful enough to take down, or at least seriously injure, Steve and Thor, was a clear threat to them all. Being prevented from doing anything about it was stretching them thin. Steve had destroyed who knows how many punching bags and Natasha might as well move her bed into the basement firing range.

At least Tony and Bruce could immerse themselves in the weapon's schematics trying to figure out any means of neutralising, or defending against, it. Tony had handed the original over to the SHIELD labs, admitting with bad grace they were better equipped to handle it but demanding to be kept involved.

And what about you, Ainsley?

He knew the Avengers had dangerous lives and thought he could cope with it; after all, when Lance was off on active duty there was always the risk he wouldn't come back, at least not in one piece. The reality felt very different, the threats they confronted of a different magnitude and nature, from worlds and dark corners of history beyond anything he could have imagined a year or so ago. Everyone had faced a degree of culture shock after the Chitauri Attack but he'd managed to place himself right at Ground Zero.

If this had happened on a mission perhaps he would have had the luxury of mentally preparing himself for things to go bad. Sitting with Pepper, staring at his phone, waiting to hear if someone he loved was alive or dead was just too reminiscent of those days in Nairobi; desperately hoping Izzie had made it out.

Even when he knew Clint was alive, seeing him on the gurney was a shock; covered in blood and filth with the raw, angry burns on his body, trying to grin and joke despite the intense pain. Pumping him full of the strongest painkillers they could safely use still hadn't stopped him screaming while the nurses cleaned his wounds.

He leaned back in his chair and ran his hands over his face. It didn't help that he wasn't getting much sleep just now. Thor had started having his nightmares again and they were happening almost every night. The warrior would wake, terrified and disoriented, clinging on to him for comfort and re-assurance until the trembling stopped. That wasn't as bad as the noises he made before jerking back into wakefulness; terrible, animal sounds of pain and distress. Thor had told him what it was he dreamed of. Clint's experience had clearly been the trigger this time round, that and Thor's continued belief he could have done more to find him.

Ainsley sighed and got up, walking over to the window and staring out across the campus. He couldn't run from this, even if it were in his nature to do so. Foi et Honneur was the family motto. Faith and Honour, maintained in the face of Reformation, Commonwealth and Revolution. The Kerr's held true to their word and their beliefs. He remembered something Dom Aidan at Ampleforth had said when they'd talked about vocations "There comes a point where you see the Truth and you have the choice to ignore it or embrace it. Either way, you'll never be the same again."

He laughed to himself. He didn't think the old Benedictine had this type of situation in mind but his words were still valid. He could never go back to his old life now, knowing what lay behind the comfortable fictions. Even if that were possible, he would never abandon Thor and Clint, especially not now that deep down he feared a darkness was beginning to gather that could threaten all of them.

It was the lack of activity, as much as anything else, that was eating into the team; making them edgy and angry. Fury should be finding them an assignment, a real one they could through their energy into.

We need something to do

He smiled at the automatic use of 'we'. They might have welcomed him into their lives and treated him as part of the team but he wasn't an Avenger any more than Pepper and he had to remember that. He sat back down and turned to the files in front of him. The others might be climbing the walls just now but he did have something to do.

The Academy Project had emerged from his work with the Index Asset and Evaluation Training Protocols and a long conversation with Steve and Tony. It was a bold concept, one he had proposed to Fury when visiting the Triskelion at the Director's invitation.

Current SHIELD policy entailed the observation, registering, control and if necessary 'crossing out' of gifted persons. The idea of making use of their abilities had apparently never been considered; or rather discounted as being 'too potentially volatile'. That had been decided before the world changed and never revisited.

What he and Steve proposed to the Director was a radical departure from that policy. Selecting the right mix of gifted persons and regular Academy students to provide the 'Next Generation' of Avengers alongside specialised support teams. SHIELD wasn't good at thinking outside the box, preferring to put things in boxes and forget them instead, but this caught Fury's attention.

The original Avengers Initiative had been shelved and the team assembled to deal with Loki and the Chitauri pulled together at a moment's notice with no long-term plan. The proposed scheme offered a much-needed context for reviving the Initiative and sustaining it on a semi-independent basis. The Director gave cautious approval to a preliminary feasibility study and assessment of potential candidates for selection.

Processing the psychological evaluations was integral to this assessment and it was hardly something that could be dumped on, sorry 'delegated to' an intern.

He barely noticed the young woman who put another bundle on the corner of his desk

"That's the last of them, Dr Kerr!"

He nodded his thanks and pulled them over. The second one from the top looked odd, too thick to be one of the evaluation questionnaires. The girl must have pulled the wrong file. Ainsley went out into the hall to try and catch her but she was already gone.

Damn, I need a cup of tea and a smoke

He went back to his desk to get his cigarettes and picked up the file.

I might as well see what it is and hand it back at the Records Desk on my way out; looks like it's been misfiled.

A photocopy of an intelligence dossier. Someone had made a very big mistake. There was a post-it note on the front page that just said

It's your call

He glanced at the name on the file. After looking at it for several minutes he put it down and picked up the phone

"Stacy? It's Dr Kerr in Social Sciences. I forgot that I'm meant to be having dinner back in New York tonight, can you get me a seat on a transport in the next hour?"

###

Natasha felt her phone vibrate. She put down her pistol, pulled off the headphones and checked the caller ID

"Ainsley?" From the sound of her voice she might as well have said 'Why are you interrupting me?'

"Natasha, darling! Sorry to be a nuisance but I'm on my way back to town and was wondering if you could pick me up at the airport."

His bright tone irritated her. Driving in New York was annoying at the best of times and she had no desire to act as Ainsley's personal chauffeuse today

"I'm busy. Get a taxi."

"But sweetheart!" He sounded hurt, and campy, and when had he ever called her sweetheart or darling for that matter? "We still need to talk about Clint's birthday surprise!"

Okay, Clint's birthday had been last month. This was something more than Ainsley being fussy about the cleanliness of New York cabs

"What time does your flight get in?"

The Dr Kerr who got into her car didn't seem hurt or campy in any way. He was angry, and a bit scared,

"We'll go to mine" She said; this didn't feel like something she wanted to take back to the Penthouse right away.

Despite moving in to Stark Tower, Natasha maintained her own apartment in a converted SoHo loft. It was a useful place of escape and allowed her to act independently of Stark and the ever-watchful Jarvis when necessary. It was the first time Ainsley had been there and the chic 60's retro style was a pleasant surprise. She made them tea while he explained the reason for his call and then she sat down to read the file.

"How did you get this?"

It was above both their clearance levels, neither of them should have access to it and being found with it in their possession would have serious consequences.

"I think someone wanted me to know why Fury doesn't want the Avengers involved in this case. It might even be Fury himself giving us a nod on the sly. As you know Clint best out of all of us, and seem to be the least unbalanced just now, you were probably the best person to share it with. What the others might do if they found this out worries me."

She smiled, despite her own anger. 'Least unbalanced' was a good way of putting it. She laid the file down and sat back.

"It worries me as well" She was silent for a moment "Are you going to tell him?"

Ainsley's laugh was sharp and humourless

"Do you think he's in a place where it's safe to tell him his own brother ordered his torture and execution? Or that his brother's been on SHIELD's radar for the last three years; even got used briefly as an 'asset'?"

Clint's SHIELD ID had been in his wallet, there was no possibility that Barney Barton didn't know exactly who was trussed up in the shed.

"Or rather on and off the radar" he continued "You noticed how every time someone comes close to taking him in he manages to go completely underground?"

She nodded, fully aware of what that implied. Three years ago, going by the notes in the file, Barney Barton had gone from a small time crook and conman to being involved in the transportation of hi-tech and 'unorthodox' weapons and equipment to persons and places unknown. The record showed that on two occasions he'd been used as a mole in sting operations, somehow managing to evade being caught in the clean ups.

One other time, they'd been on the point of taking him in but he'd disappeared before the agents got there. Either he was a lot smarter than his record gave him credit for, or someone on the inside had warned him.

Ainsley looked over at her, his eyes were full of sadness and pain

"How could he do that to his own little brother?"

Natasha remembered that the doctor's older brother had died saving him and his sister from the flames consuming their family home. Like many kind and reasonable people, Ainsley wanted to believe that deep down everyone else was equally good-natured.

It's his most endearing quality. If we're not careful it's going to get him killed

She took his hand.

"Your family loved you and cared for you. Even with all your insight and empathy I don't think you fully understand the way years of systematic cruelty can warp a person's nature."

He glanced over at the file and put his other hand on hers. Despite their friendship, physical contact was rare and meaningful.

"I'm beginning to realise that"

"Can you use a gun?" She was looking directly at him, the question brisk and matter of fact.

"No, but I suspect you're offering to teach me"

"I can if you want" a thought occurred to her "If you have an objection to firearms there are other forms of self-defence I can show you"

He smiled, feeling relief at the sudden switch to practicalities.

"I've got no objection, but having a couple of additional options wouldn't be a bad idea. Anything that involves a cocktail shaker and a tightly-rolled copy of 'Psychopathology Today'?"

"Unfortunately, no!" She shook her head, laughing "Although I can guarantee you'll never look at a manicure set the same way again"

He laughed with her but there was trepidation in his voice when he spoke

"Something's happening, Natasha, something dark and terrible. We both feel it and we're all going to have to look out for each other's backs. You can't afford for me to be a potential liability."

She kissed his hand, the intimacy a silent confirmation of the fears they shared. They sat together for a moment without the need for speech. She picked up the file and began leafing through it again.

"What are we going to do about this?"

Ainsley thought for while

"I think we need to tell Steve" He registered her look of surprise "You know how he'll react if he finds out we're keeping something this important from him."

He was right of course; Steve might be angry just now but that was small change compared to how he would respond to such a breach of trust. The doctor continued

"We want to avoid clashing with whatever investigation SHIELD has underway, but there are some potential leads that can be followed up to give us a fuller picture of what we're dealing with."

Natasha raised her eyebrows and handed him the file

"Why Dr Kerr, you're becoming quite the investigator. Tell more."

###

Earlier that same day

Thor was surprised to find Clint outside the door of his apartment as he came back from the gym. The archer was sitting on the floor, idly tossing and catching his cap with two take-out mugs beside him.

"I thought we were going out for coffee?" The disappointment in Thor's voice was clear. Beth the waitress always gave them free pastries 'for her favourite regulars'.

Clint got to his feet and picked up the mugs, wincing a bit. The burns on his chest and stomach were still raw, needing regularly cleaned and redressed.

"Don't worry Big Blond, you'll get your raisiny treats. I just wanted to talk in private first. Got you a hot chocolate the way you like it"

Clint had been quiet and subdued since they brought him home. There had been few of his customary jokes or laughs. The Asgardian knew how being taken and tortured could damage a warrior's spirit but there was something else troubling his friend. Clint had been facing many demons from his past these recent weeks. Who could tell what fresh pain had been summoned up by his ordeal?

Once they were inside, Clint put the cups on the table and sat down. He rubbed the palms of his hands together, fighting the urge to fidget with his bandages. His wounds felt itchy, a sign they were starting to heal. Trying not to scratch at them took all his willpower

Thor picked up his mug and peered under the lid, wrinkling his nose. The coffee shop in the Stark Tower lobby always put too many marshmallows in the hot chocolate. He would need to wash his beard again before they went out. He took a mouthful anyway, so as not to seem scornful of his friend's generosity, and sat down. He carefully put an arm around Clint's shoulders, mindful of his injuries. He flinched and Thor pulled away. That had been foolish. Ainsley had told him how people who had suffered violence could be upset by unexpected physical contact.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to alarm you. I should have asked you first."

The archer took his friend's hand and gave it a squeeze

"It's okay, Blondie, still a bit jumpy I guess." There was a faint tremor in his voice "Really wouldn't mind if you want to hold me for a bit, though"

Thor put his arm back around his friend and drew him close. Clint curled in tight against him as if trying to absorb some of the bigger man's strength and resilience. Thor kept himself quiet and still, feeling the man beside him shaking. Eventually the archer straightened up and swallowed down his tepid coffee.

"Thanks, Big Blond. You're a real rock, you know that?"

Thor grinned slightly. Clint's next words took him by surprise

"I'm deaf"

He looked at him questioningly. Was this one of Clint's jokes?

"How can that be? You hear everything I say."

Clint put his hands up to his ear and pulled out a soft, plastic, bud. It was like the ones on the headphones for the music player Ainsley bought him in London, but smaller and clear. Looking closely at the object on the other man's palm he could see miniature electrical circuits inside it. Clint turned his head slightly to show Thor how it fitted into his ear. Even now he knew it was there it was difficult to see.

"And these devices allow you to hear properly?"

Other Asgardians might dismiss the Realm of Midgard as backward and primitive, but he would never cease to be fascinated by the ingenious solutions its inhabitants found to their problems.

Clint nodded. Dr Osario had suggested he should consider talking about his deafness to other members of the team. Thor had been the obvious choice, despite his misgivings about the Big Blond's ability to keep it to himself if asked; Steve would get angry, Tony sarcastic and he felt he didn't know Bruce well enough to lay this on him. He swallowed hard;

"It happened about a year before New York, not long after you were in New Mexico. A concussion grenade went off close to my head. The docs thought it might wear off after a few days or weeks but it didn't. 80% deaf in both ears."

He paused and looked across at Thor. He was watching him attentively, clearly understanding what such an injury meant for a man like Hawkeye.

"Thought that was me done but Phil convinced Fury I was too valuable a specialist; said with the right hearing aids I'd be as good as ever. Agreed to keep it under wraps so long as I got it checked out regular; didn't think too many people would want to be in the field with the deaf guy."

Coulson had pretty much saved his life. SHIELD was the only thing he had left; Phil knew if he lost that it would end up with a bottle of bourbon and a bullet in a motel room somewhere.

Thor leaned over and kissed Clint on the tip of his ear

"You are not 'The Deaf Guy'. You are my friend Hawkeye the Avenger and I am honoured to fight alongside you."

Clint put his head back down on Thor's chest, feeling the pulse of the warrior's heartbeat against his cheek.

"I've become a liability, Big Blond. That blast in the woods damaged them, messed with my hearing. Thought I heard someone calling my name. Wouldn't have broken cover otherwise."

He was shaking again. Trying to keep his voice level.

"If it happens again when we're in the field I could put you all in danger."

Thor could feel where his friend's thoughts were going and knew it was a bad place.

"Have you told the others of this?"

Clint shook his head

"Tasha's known since it happened. Ainsley worked it out for himself. I've not told the others"

That made sense. Natasha would guard her friend's secrets close and Ainsley was bound by the Obligation of a Healer.

"You must tell Steve. And Tony"

Steve was their leader; he would have to know. Tony would be able to find some clever solution.

Clint was shaking very badly now. When he looked up at Thor his face was that of a frightened child

"I'm scared."

Thor could feel a cold anger stirring deep within him.

I will find the man who did this to my friend. He will pay for the pain he has caused.

"Are you afraid Steve will ask Director Fury to remove you?"

Clint nodded

"Fury'll have a hard time re-assigning me. You know the rep I've got around Field Ops these days. The Avengers are kinda Hawkeye's last stand."

It angered Thor the way that Clint's comrades in SHIELD had turned against him. His actions had not been his own and he had proven himself time and time again to be a true and valiant man.

"But you were not to blame for what happened. Your mind was possessed by another."

Thor tried not to speak Loki's name around the other Avengers, just as they were careful not to mention it in his presence. It was only with Ainsley that he could speak about how Loki sacrificed himself upon the ashy plains of Svartalfheim and how he truly felt about the brother he loved and hated in equal measure.

Clint sighed; he knew that Thor still loved his brother, even after all he had done. Maybe sometime the Big Blond could teach him how to do that.

"Just makes it seem worse. Like I got a jinx on me or something."

Warriors could be superstitious on any world. Thor understood. He bent his head down and kissed his friend gently on the mouth.

"Speak to Steve and Tony. They will know what can be done." He looked Clint square in the face, still seeing the fear in his eyes.

"If Steve sends you away he is a fool. It will anger me and Natasha. It will anger Ainsley as well. He may even raise his voice."

He grinned as he saw the flicker of a smile and kissed Clint again, on the forehead

"If he sends you away I will ask Director Fury to assign you to me and we can fight side by side where we are needed."

He could sense the agitation decreasing in the man beside him, the shaking diminishing for now. He kept his arm around him though, knowing the comfort the archer found in his presence. They were like that for a long time and eventually Thor realised that Clint had fallen asleep, exhausted by his anxiety, his head pillowed on the Asgardian's chest. He leaned his own head back against the cushions and closed his eyes. Free pastries could wait until later.

###

Steve got the text just after his morning run.

Come to the apartment. We need to talk. NR

More secrets, just what he needed. Yesterday had been bad enough. Enough that he'd been tempted to take up Stark's offer of seeing just how drunk he could possibly get with his speeded-up metabolism. There was no real outlet for his anger right now. It wouldn't have been fair to take it out on Barton. It had taken a lot of guts for him to come clean, knowing what it could cost even with Thor fighting his corner. Fury? He'd been honouring Coulson's decision to give the man a chance. Heck, if he'd known he probably wouldn't have taken the archer on and that would've been a big mistake.

He'd calmed down slightly by the time his motorcycle pulled up but there was still a lot of lingering tension. He was surprised to find Dr Kerr there. Something major must have happened for him to return to New York without letting them know. A neatly folded pile of bedding at the end of the couch told him he'd stayed over.

He accepted the coffee Natasha offered and sat back while she explained what they had discovered, leafing through the file on Barton's brother.

Once they'd finished he put the file to one side and exhaled slowly

"So, his hearing aids weren't messing up, it was just a different Barton they were calling."

He wasn't looking at their faces but he heard them both take a breath. That was a mean trick, he knew, but in his present state of mind he couldn't resist it.

"Barton told me yesterday afternoon. Seems like your Dr Osario got through to him that it would help his recovery if he felt he wasn't hiding things from the team."

"What are you doing to do?" The challenge in Natasha's voice was clear

"I'm going to respect Agent Coulson's call and give him the same terms. He stays on the team provided he meets regular auditory fitness tests. Stark's redesigning his hearing aids to make them more resistant to electrical pulses"

Should take him all of lunchtime thought Ainsley. Steve continued

"If he fails to meet the required standard he will be off active duty without any further questions. Barton's accepted this and I expect everyone else to do the same."

Natasha nodded, there was no argument with Steve's decision. It was clear and fair, the one she would make herself in his position. A lot of team leaders wouldn't have been that generous under the circumstances, and would have called the pair of them out for keeping it to themselves. Ainsley's response took Steve by surprise

"We have to tell him about Barney"

"What?" he exclaimed. The doctor sat back and took a long hit of his vaporiser

"Clint's just shared his biggest secret with everyone. He's been terrified of people discovering it for nearly three years and now he's forced down that fear and opened himself up, trusting that you'll stand by him. How do you think it'll go when he discovers we've repaid his trust by keeping this back?"

The two of them had discussed it last night. Clint's mental state was fragile, that was true, but he was still a skilled agent and no fool, despite his best efforts to prove the contrary. It would be hard to carry out their own investigations without him finding out and probably cause more damage than telling him up front. Steve's news decided the matter, there were enough people keeping secrets from the Avengers. Keeping secrets from each other would only destroy the unity they were trying to build.

"We know this poses a threat to all of us, and we all need to be on board facing it. Keeping Clint out of it ties one hand behind our backs from the start. It's going to be tough but he's not made of glass and he's got us to help him through. We have to be his family from now on."

Steve glanced at Natasha, she gave him a slight nod.

"You're right on all counts, Dr Kerr. I can't expect honesty and not give it back in return, are you willing to step up to the plate and help with what needs to be done?"

"You can count on me, Steve."

"Okay" The soldier took a deep breath "I need you to start some form of defensive training as soon as possible. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Already onto that, Cap," said Natasha "We've got our first appointment this afternoon"

Steve grinned, feeling the anger and tension draining away as a plan of action began to take shape

"Good! Regardless of what Fury or SHIELD may say or think, as far as I'm concerned from this point on you're a full member of the team and we can't afford to carry passengers. I'm not intending on putting you into any combat situations, Thor and Barton would kill me, but I will expect you to be able to defend yourself if necessary."

He handed the file over to the doctor

"Now, where do you suggest we start with this?"

Ainsley put the folder on the table and leaned forward with a sly look

"We need to start with someone who isn't in this file. Clint's old mentor, Trickshot."