Shadows and Fangs
Chapter 6
Team 10 to the rescue! :)
As far as Shikamaru was concerned, he was a master in keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself. To the outside world, he was certain that he presented nothing but his usual image of calmness and boredom. (Inside, he was calling himself an idiot more than ever, but he was slowly learning to ignore that nagging voice at the back of his head.) There wasn't any change in his routine, nor the level of excellence usually associated with his work. So maybe he took his friends up on their offers for lunch or dinner less often and preferred to head back home to relax – sulk – in peace, but that in itself wasn't so crazy that it should raise some alarm bells. Most people wouldn't ever notice a thing.
He should've known Chouji and Ino definitely weren't 'most people', and would notice right away. He should've known they'd corner him at some point and make him spill his guts. Ino by threatening his actual guts, and Chouji with an overabundance of kindness – an odd mix for sure, but they worked well together, somehow.
"So," Ino started matter-of-factly as she sat next to him, close enough that he could neither ignore her nor leave as Chouji sat on his other side. "You're way down in the dumps – like, really waaay down. And it's painful to watch," she informed him straightforwardly.
"I'm okay," he argued for the principle, well aware it likely wouldn't work, but feeling compelled to try nonetheless.
Chouji sighed sadly as he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Come on Shikamaru, it's us. We're a team! You can tell us anything," he (needlessly) reminded him.
"Yeah, tell us who broke your heart so we can go break her legs!" Ino added with a bright grin, her apparent cheerfulness yet again at odds with her words, particularly as he knew she wouldn't be above getting physical revenge on someone for hurting her loved ones – it was one of the reasons he liked her so much, to be honest.
"Who said anything about a broken heart?" he asked her with a raised eyebrow as he leaned his head on his hand. The way Ino scrunched her face at him clearly warned not to take her for an idiot, please. A quick glance towards Chouji informed him his friend shared her opinion, even though there was still nothing but a kind smile on his face. With a long-suffering sigh, he finally spoke. "Look, there's no need to go breaking legs; I'm the one who ended it, it's all on me." Yep. Just as he'd thought, saying it out loud didn't, in fact, make him feel better.
"Then why are you so down, if it was your decision?" Chouji asked him patiently and quickly, before Ino could do it herself with infinitely less sensitivity – a fact that did not escape her notice as she pouted at him.
"I didn't really have a choice," was all Shikamaru replied, hoping against hope they wouldn't make him go into the details – he should've known they would, though.
"You didn't have a choice? What the heck does that mean?" Ino demanded, leaning her own head in her palm. "What, is she taken or something? Because if that's the case, I'd say you're better off—"
"It was a man," he interrupted her plainly, clearly feeling like he would go mad if he had to listen to his friends trying to comfort him about a her.
"A man," Chouji repeated, eyes widening and narrowing in rapid succession.
"A man," Shikamaru confirmed.
"So with man parts and all?" Ino clarified as she held her hands up.
"Yes, Ino, he definitely had 'man parts and all'," Shikamaru assured her with a roll of his eyes. If he'd hoped to stun them into speechlessness, he was severely proven wrong.
"This is so out of nowhere! I had no idea!" the kunoichi said with a grin as she gently slapped his shoulder. "You could've told me years ago you were impervious to my charms!" she teased good-naturedly with a wink. "And to think my dad used to think I might end up with you!" she added with a fond roll of her eyes – she missed him, but she never let it get her down, focusing on the good and funny moments instead.
Chouji smiled at them as he shrugged. "I had my suspicions."
"You did?" the other two asked at the same time with the same surprised expression, following it, yet again together, by another question: "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I figured you'd talk to us when you felt ready," was Chouji's easy reply. "I noticed you never really looked at women the same way I did. There's obviously nothing wrong with that, but I didn't want to push you," he added with a serene smile.
"Chouji, I'm impressed," Ino said honestly.
Shikamaru nodded next to her, not exactly surprised, but still, feeling very grateful. He then tensed as he felt Ino lean against him, and indeed her grin was worrying.
"Sooo…this is nice and all but…don't we get a name?" she drawled as she poked his cheek in her best effort to annoy him into giving in.
"No," he declared with finality in his voice. "If I tell you, I know you – you'll go talk to him, and you'd do it to help, I know that, but I can't let you."
Ino stopped her poking and frowned slightly at his words, realizing something else. "You love him," she said softly. His flinch informed her she'd put her finger on it. "So why end it…? Is it just because you're both men?" she wondered sadly. He didn't say anything but his sigh spoke a thousand words anyway. "Shikamaru, that's so sad!"
"You're doing a horrible job cheering me up," he deadpanned with a raised eyebrow, smiling slightly as she immediately apologized guiltily.
Chouji was quiet for a moment as he looked at his friend critically, trying not to feel too sad for him – Shikamaru didn't need nor want them to feel sorry for him, he knew that. Actually, he knew just what he needed. "We should get drunk," he declared, like that was the normal thing to say or do.
"Excuse me?" Ino said with a frown, looking at him as if he were crazy.
Shikamaru visibly agreed with her as he looked up at him. "I must've heard you wrong, because I'd swear I heard you say we should get—"
"Drunk," Chouji confirmed with a nod. "I did say that. And I really think we should."
"Why?" the Nara wondered, trying to see the sense in this.
The larger man shrugged as he crossed his arms over his chest. "People do it all the time when they're heartbroken—"
"I'm not heartbroken," Shikamaru wearily protested, not bothering to acknowledge Ino's unwomanly snort.
"—so there must be a reason for that, right?" Chouji continued, completely ignoring his interruption. "It might turn out to be fun!"
"It might give us the worst headache of our lives," Shikamaru drawled sarcastically.
"Details," Ino dismissed, slamming her hands on the table as she stood up, mind made up. "That's it, let's do it! We can go to my house, I know where dad kept the good stuff!"
"I'm not getting drunk, you two!" the shadow-nin insisted.
Chouji turned back to him with a small frown, confused. "You won't be alone – at the very least I'll be there nursing that hangover with you! That's what friends are for, right?" he asked brightly as he slapped his hand on his shoulder, apologizing meekly at his wince – sometimes he really didn't know his own strength.
"And I'll make sure you're safe!" Ino solemnly vowed, her grin much too worrying and at odds with her words.
Shikamaru sighed heavily and shoved his hands in his pockets as he stood up. "I can't win this one, can I?" he asked for the sake of putting up some resistance.
"Nope!" Ino and Chouji replied happily as they led the way out.
"So troublesome," Shikamaru muttered but he followed them regardless, trying not to show how touched and amused he way. Chouji and Ino were truly amazing friends. He was however going to make sure they'd end up even more drunk than him to teach them a lesson in meddling. He smirked at the thought. The night might turn out to be fun after all.
The road was long and winding though.
"So did you guys actually have sex or did you split before you even got to that part?" Ino wondered curiously as she refilled their glasses, absently arranging her hair to keep it away from her face and shoulders – and out of her drink.
"What?" Shikamaru asked as his head snapped back from his distracted overlook of Ino's weapon arsenal – neatly arranged as they were on a proper stand on the wall. They'd only downed half a bottle so far between them, that wasn't enough to start the drunken rants!
…Was it?
"I don't think that's vital information," Chouji opinionated as he nevertheless dutifully hit his glass to hers when she held it up.
Ino frowned at him as though he was completely missing the point. "Chouji, I think we deserve to know if we're getting sloshed in the name of friendship to a teenager's first love or a man's first lover!" she said with as much conviction as she could. Silence met her words as her friends exchanged dubious glances. "Okay, fine, you're too shy to talk about it, I'll go first! Sai and I have sex – a lot!"
"And we really don't need to know that!" Chouji said with a pained frown while Shikamaru shook his head and drank some more, muttering about crazy women.
She ignored them both in favor of continuing. "At first I thought it would be so-so, because, you know – Sai – but wow! He read those books, and he does that thing with his fingers—"
"Okay, you win! I can't listen to this anymore!" Shikamaru immediately interrupted her as he held his hands up in defense. "Yes, we had sex. Twice."
The grin she sent him proved this was her plan all along. "I knew it!" she sing-sung.
Chouji sighed hopelessly as he looked at them, bringing his glass back to his lips and praying to every divinity who'd listen that Ino's mother wouldn't come to see what all the noise was about, because if there was one thing he feared in life, it was his best friends' mothers – and yes, that was plural.
"So how was it, sleeping with a man?" Ino asked with a raised eyebrow and the beginning of an impish grin. "I mean, I know what it's like to sleep with a man, but how was it, as another man?"
"It's not like I could compare it to sleeping with a woman, since I haven't," Shikamaru replied plainly with a frown.
"Makes sense," Ino admitted, sipping her drink as she mulled it over.
"But it must've been nice…" Chouji commented despite himself, waving his hands in front of him in embarrassment as they both turned to look at him in amusement. "I mean since you've done it more than once, so…that implies it was…nice…" he trailed off as he gave up trying to explain himself. "Fill it up, please," he asked pitifully as he held his glass towards Ino – who mercifully complied, despite it not being empty yet.
Shikamaru just cradled his own drink closer between his fingers. Yeah…it had been nice.
Ino noticed the wistful look on his face and frowned sadly, raising a hand to her earlobe, her finger trailing over the cool metal stud. "So…why'd you end it, really? Are you that worried about what people would say?" she asked with a concerned frown.
Shikamaru wished he could reply a clear 'no' to that question, but it wouldn't have been completely honest. "It's not like we could've had children," he replied instead, because that much was true.
"And that's such a big deal?" she wondered, puzzled.
"Even if I'm not the head of the clan and likely won't be, I'm still expected to have an heir, if only to pass on my father's training," the Nara replied a tad defensively with a shrug.
"But the Nara clan's thriving! One Nara more or less won't make a difference!" Chouji needlessly pointed out with a sigh. "No one will consider it a crime against the village if you don't reproduce!"
"I know that," Shikamaru replied with a long suffering sigh. "But I think it would've made my father happy regardless. And my mother as well…" Oh, yes, Yoshino was definitely not subtle in her hints that she wanted grandchildren – and there was no doubt in his mind that admitting to her that he was in love with a man would break her heart.
"But do you actually want to? It's horrible to have kids just for the sake of having them!" Ino noted with a frown, leaning forward on her forearms.
Shikamaru did his best but he couldn't help but physically wince at her words, as they reminded him of Kiba.
"Besides, I'm not entirely sure I'll want any myself!" she admitted with a shrug.
"Really?" Chouji asked as he cocked his head to the side. "I do."
"Well sure! It's easy for you men, your job is just to stick it in, but we women have to pop it out!" she unnecessarily reminded them with a huff and a sulk at the unfairness of it all. "I've got a pretty good tolerance to pain, but even I'm not sure I want to go through that! And that's without even mentioning the nine months of bloating, morning sickness and mood swings that come before!" she added sourly.
The two men exchanged glances and tilted their glasses back as they had to admit she had a point. They'd already been victim to some severe 'monthly' reactions from her, so nine uninterrupted months? They'd best steer clear – and buy the father good protective wear!
"Hey, if you want, I could accidentally castrate you during training," Ino then offered quietly, looking up at him with a frown. "Then reproducing wouldn't be an issue anymore and you could be with him, clan be damned!" she finished, blushing as Chouji smiled warmly at her while Shikamaru looked torn between being disturbed or fond.
"I appreciate the thought, and the offer," the Nara eventually told her honestly, figuring it was sweet, in its own drunken sick twisted way. "Stay away from my groin though, I mean it," he finished with absolute certainty.
Ino shrugged as she held her hands up innocently. "Just offering!" she assured him.
"Besides, even if you 'accidentally' castrated me," Shikamaru eventually added as he looked back up at her, "I doubt it would matter much. I'll be lucky if he ever agrees to even just talk to me again," he admitted.
"He loves you, right?" Ino asked him as though it was obvious. "I mean I really hope he does, and you're not wallowing over a jerk who hasn't been wallowing on his own side the whole time!" she added with a frown.
Shikamaru looked down at this. Did Kiba love him? "He did," he replied before taking another gulp. "I doubt he still does," he finished as he set the glass down. At least this alcohol tasted a lot better than the bowel-destroying Suna specialty – and thinking about that got him thinking about Kiba again, so he raised the glass back up.
Chouji shook his head as he rested a hand on his shoulder. "You know there's only one way to find out, right?" he gently encouraged. "Just talk to him, Shikamaru."
"I am so completely with you both all the way that our team spirit brings tears to my eyes," Ino informed them as she reached out to pat their heads affectionately. "Come on, this round's for Asuma! He'd want to be a part of this!" she said cheerfully as she refilled their glasses and held hers up.
Chouji immediately raised his as well, grinning. "To Asuma! I think he'd tell you something like 'get off your lazy bum and do something about it'!" he told Shikamaru happily.
"More crudely so, but still correct!" Ino agreed with a laugh.
Shikamaru chuckled despite himself as he looked at them, not for the first time – and certainly not for the last – feeling incredibly lucky to have such amazing friends. "To Asuma," he repeated as he raised his own glass and hit it to theirs.
"So seriously, Ino, since we're being honest and invasive, I have to ask," Chouji started as he looked at her with an expression of pure confusion. "Why Sai of all people? Honestly, that just baffles me!"
Shikamaru laughed at this, setting his drink down so as not to choke on it, quickly raising a warning hand to her. "I swear, if you say it's because of the thing he does with his fingers, I am never speaking to you again!" he warned her fairly with a wide smirk. "I mean it, Ino!"
"It's not!" she quickly replied hotly, poking his side like she was trying to insert a finger between his ribs. "I mean…that doesn't hurt his case but…he's just…" she trailed off at this, shrugging lightly while a soft smile spread on her lips. "He's very honest in what he wants, and he says things the way they are, so I know he's never deceiving me. It's true that he's so socially inept he'll make me cringe sometimes, but then I find him reading a book about little gestures of affection – or pleasing your partner – so it makes it okay, you know?" she finished rhetorically.
"Sounds nice, when you put it like that," Chouji admitted wistfully. He felt somewhat jealous of them. Ino was visibly very happy and in love, and even Shikamaru in his broken-hearted state had experienced that love.
"It's nice to feel wanted," Shikamaru murmured his agreement, remembering Kiba's words with a pinch. It figured that even mostly drunk his thoughts always returned to him. Wordlessly, he held his glass towards Ino and smiled gratefully when she didn't ask, just poured.
So maybe his plan to get them get more drunk than him had failed, but he wouldn't have changed a thing.
Chouji summed it up quite philosophically in the morning. "It hurts."
"What does?" Ino asked him quietly, voice barely above a whisper.
"Everything," was his reply, full of certainty – and pain.
Shikamaru still wouldn't have changed a thing. Even though he was forced to agree with him. And even after Ino forced the 'Yamanaka miracle hangover potion' down their throats and he felt his insides shrivel up and die.
Some things were just worth it.
"No one will consider it a crime against the village if you don't reproduce."
Kiba had told him something along those lines. And then so had Chouji, literally. Even Kurenai had encouraged him to think about himself first and foremost. Not to forget Ino who'd even offered to simplify the equation.
Why did he have to have four people spell out something he should've known for himself all along?
His father had said something to him, long ago, that he suddenly realized applied itself perfectly to his current situation.
"We often create our own barriers, Shikamaru."
Because really, when it all came down to it, that was that. People more often than not ended up creating their own problems over the misconception that others really cared about what they did with their lives beyond the original novelty born from any unconventional action. Letting strangers impact and even decide on his own happiness was a coward's behavior.
Talk about a genius…he'd be lucky if Kiba ever agreed to hear him out! And would it even work out? This wasn't one of Sai's romance books where confessing to a mistake led to immediate reconciliation, rainbows and happily-ever-afters. (The rainbows in particular seemed too gaudy for his tastes – and Kiba's as well, he was sure.) Kiba didn't hold grudges, he knew; he was too carefree for that, he refused to let the past burden him that way. That being said, Shikamaru wouldn't be too surprised if the other man had decided to make an exception in his case. He'd be surprised if he hadn't. And given the things he'd said to him, he honestly wouldn't blame him. Uncertainty didn't excuse anything, and being in love wasn't a miracle solution, he was well aware of both facts.
For a moment he contemplated the thought that he'd have to do something crazy like woo him (he'd spent way too much time with Sai lately, he belatedly realized) but then his mind reminded him that this was Kiba. He valued frankness above anything and the best way to gauge his willingness to forgive him would be to talk to him. To make matters worse, maybe he was even going against the clock, as Kiba could accept Gaara's offer at any time.
Turning Kiba down remained the hardest thing he'd ever had to do (barring from having to tell Kurenai that Asuma had died, naturally, but he reasoned death trumped everything) but somehow trying to make it up to him didn't come any more easily. Perhaps because he realized that Kiba had complete power over him and was the one who could make it final, and not knowing, however frustrating, was somehow easier on the nerves.
That still left the 'how'. Should he visit him? Ask him to meet him somewhere? And then, somewhere private? Or public? It was so easy to find arguments and then counter-arguments to every option he thought up, and stalling was so much safer. He hated himself for it.
His friends weren't much help. To be honest, he was jealous that Ino's couple had formed and endured without even half the hardships he'd had to go through – and that was without even getting to that point! She'd been all too happy to let Sai flounder as he tried to apply everything he'd read about courting and dating. (And he tried not to linger too much on the thought that Sai was better than him at this, because it stung.) She and Chouji had well-meaning words to offer him and cared, he knew that, but he couldn't bring himself to take them that much seriously, even when both, in a rare occurrence of complete agreement, repeated that he should "just talk to him, Shikamaru" – and with that same exasperated fondness, too, it had been the strangest thing he'd seen in a long time.
It would figure of course that they'd be right all along. Sort of.
Shikamaru wasn't too long in learning that a hangover and temporarily wrecked innards hadn't been the only after-effects of his drinking night with Ino and Chouji. His true moment of mortification came exactly four days later, while he was casually walking around with Chouji – who seemed to be uncharacteristically nervous. They then flinched as Ino called their names and Shikamaru frowned in confusion as she appeared to be dragging along a visibly perplexed but still laidback Omoi by his wrist. The way Chouji smiled slightly at the sight, as though in relief, was the second sign that the Nara ought to have worried more – the first was Ino's self-satisfied smirk. "What's she doing now?" he muttered to himself, wondering whether he should listen to his instincts to hightail it out of there as fast as he could. He was too tired though so he stayed put.
Ino and her victim finally reached them and she proudly displayed her catch as she moved Omoi to stand in front of Shikamaru.
"And…what's this about?" the shadow-nin asked his friend with a raised eyebrow – perhaps her alcohol-induced haze was a few days late?
"I'd like to know myself," Omoi replied with a shrug. "I was passing time, and there she comes and says you've been miserable since we parted, and won't I agree to see you? And I was pretty sure I didn't do anything to you, but then I figured you might've tripped and fallen down a set of stairs when leaving the office, maybe broken a bone or even had a concussion or something, but you seem okay," he finished, having spun a tale out of proportions as usual.
Shikamaru honestly had no idea what was going on. He turned to Chouji to ask him about it since he was visibly in on the whole thing, but his friend only moved to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Just talk to him, Shikamaru," he encouraged supportively, Ino giving them a thumbs-up.
"Wh…?" Shikamaru trailed off, his mind finally connecting the dots, and he groaned as he couldn't resist slapping a hand to his face. "Guys…it's not him!" he informed them tiredly, fighting the fond smile that wanted to take over his face because this was embarrassing, damn it!
"Shut up! It's so him!" Ino argued as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"And for some reason, I think I'd know," he replied as he rolled his eyes.
Chouji looked crestfallen. "But…you started feeling down after he got to the village…" he recalled as though that was indisputable logic.
"Coincidence!" the shadow-nin insisted.
"And you get along so well…"
"I get along with a lot of people!"
Omoi seemed content to remain quiet and study the strange exchange, as usual going with the flow – and inwardly, being very amused, although he wasn't sure he really grasped everything that was going on.
Ino's eyes narrowed dangerously as she leaned forward to search her friend's gaze, her face barely an inch from his. "So it's not Omoi," she stated quietly, still suspicious.
"It's not Omoi," Shikamaru confirmed as he held her look.
"Really not?" Chouji asked dejectedly.
"Really not," Shikamaru replied, finally letting out that smile as his friends both sighed, visibly disappointed. They then shared bashful grins before laughing at the silliness of the situation.
"So," Omoi started nonchalantly, "what is it that I didn't do?" he wondered curiously.
"You're not the guy I'm in love with," Shikamaru informed him with an easy grin. Because he figured if he really wanted to make it up to Kiba, he had to start getting used to having people know he was in a relationship with a man, after all.
The Kumo nin didn't even blink – more than usual, that is. "So who is it?" he then asked, cocking his head to the side and noting that Chouji and Ino perked up, visibly hoping that maybe they'd finally get their information straight now.
Shikamaru however elected to disappoint them all. "You'll know when I'll manage to fix it," he assured him with a lazy smirk – if he managed to fix it, he thought to himself more seriously. His friends huffed and almost pouted in disappointment at his lack of response, and that made him feel better. He didn't show it, but he was really touched that they'd planned to force a confrontation to help him – even though he'd suspected they would, and that was why he hadn't told them it was Kiba.
But really…Omoi? Oh, they would be telling that story for years to come!
"And cross-village romances are really famous right now, too! Just ask Sai – more than half his romance collection has that trope!" Chouji sighed dejectedly.
"Do I even want to know why you know the contents of Sai's romance collection?" Shikamaru wondered with a raised eyebrow.
"It's research," Chouji replied defensively. Hey, those books had helped Sai win over Ino, so he wouldn't discount them just yet on account of them being full of clichés!
"Think he'd be willing to share?" Omoi wondered curiously. "I'm partial to books set in distant lands, myself," he admitted with a small sigh.
"You?" Ino said as she didn't hide her surprise.
"Hey, if you're gonna read fiction, it might as well be completely different from your everyday life, right?" he argued with a shrug.
"Makes sense," she conceded. "Let's go ask him, I'm sure he'll be happy to!" she promised as she once more grabbed his arm to carry him off before pausing as she turned to Shikamaru. "That doesn't mean you're off the hook!" she warned him with a huff.
"And good luck with that talk," Omoi added casually as he allowed the kunoichi to pull him along.
Shikamaru and Chouji exchanged glances as they watched them go, before breaking into an easy laugh once they were gone.
"Omoi? Really?" Shikamaru asked with barely contained amusement.
Chouji just sighed as he tried to hide his embarrassment. "It seemed plausible at the time…"
"Thank you," the Nara replied earnestly, taking pity on him.
"So are you going to talk to him?" Chouji asked him seriously.
Shikamaru sighed as he looked down, pressing his lips together as his thoughts spun around in his head. "Yeah, I think I have to…" he admitted. His lips then stretched in a wide grin as he looked back up at him. "Sorry to disappoint though, it was never a cross-village romance," he drawled teasingly.
"You're a horrible best friend," the Akimichi informed him as he turned to walk back the way they came. The bright smile on his face visibly contradicted his words though.
TBC
I couldn't write about Shikamaru without Ino and Chouji taking things into their own hands, could I?
And I love Omoi, he's just too fun to write! :)