AN: Hello. Anyone there? ;) I am so sorry for the delay. OMG! That move was a beast. I do not recommend having to ever sleep on an air mattress for longer than a few nights. (3 weeks. Yep, that sucked!) However, I now have furniture. Still working out the whole consistent good internet thing. Long story. Anyway. I am not sure that I will ever be able to update like I did before, but I am getting back to the whole writing thing. I have a new job and am having to slowly get back to this. Luckily I had this chapter already written and it just needed edited. I hope I still have an audience. Just a story note. As much as everyone that reads my stuff knows that I am a Burzek fan at heart they should keep in mind that this is sort of a Ruzek story. Will probably be the first time that I will attempt to do a story from one point of view. Might add some out takes from others at some point, but will have to see where my muse takes me. Just as the story is called, this is a journey. I hope you will give me the benefit of the doubt by going on it with me. Also, keep in mind that the prologue was a snap shot from somewhere in the middle of the story. I know the approximate time, but feel that I will keep that to myself for now. Gives you guys something to look forward to. Hope everyone is having an amazing summer! Happy reading.

Chapter 1

And I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night
Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right
I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight
In this burning house

"Burning House" -Cam

The Past

I can still remember the first moment I met Rachel. It had been several months since the trial and my life had fallen into as normal a routine as it could. Might be why she got past my defenses. Well, that and the fact that the first time we even talked she royally pissed me off. Al and I had followed the ambulance with the gang member we had been chasing. He had tripped and broken his leg right before we caught him. Ok. Ok. He fell from the second story as he was jumping out of the window to get away from us. I know a femur fracture is serious, but we really needed to talk to him. Making our way into the ER, I knew that I was already fuming since it had taken us a week to track this asshole down and now we would be delayed even further with finding the rest of his crew. The normal hustle and bustle of the ER was all around us as I was continuing to follow the stretcher. When Maggie cut in front of me and started to call out to the paramedics, I had to hold my tongue. Didn't need the guy dying on us because I was out of patience.

"Dr. Allen, we need you in trauma one!"

I tracked that a new doctor to Chicago Med was now already in the treatment room assisting the nurses and the paramedics with transferring the patient and getting the normal medial gibberish upon intake. It was a dance that was better taken in by watching it as a whole and focusing on one person was impossible. Well, unless you were just staring at the guy on the bed like I was. Al was patiently waiting next to me in his usual way, but I knew that he was just as anxious to talk to him. His gang had been responsible for shooting a nine-year-old girl in a retaliation hit gone bad, so needless to say the whole of CPD was ready to rain holly hell down on each and every member of that gang. Chicago had enough problems without adding something like this to the mix.

I could remember hearing that doctor saying something about rolling him into the OR and for what ever of a hundred reasons that snapped something in me.

"Hey! We need to talk to him."

The nurses were already beginning to roll the stretcher out of the room when I went to get in front of it.

"Look, Pretty boy. Get out of my way. I don't have time for your shit. He needs surgery."

She hadn't even looked at me when she said this. She just shouldered her way past me which gave her team just the space they needed to start towards the OR. I could remember standing there getting ready to follow and then feeling Al place a hand on my shoulder.

"Let's head to the waiting room. I'll let Maggie know that we aren't leaving without talking to him."

I shrugged Al's hand off my shoulder and headed to the waiting room. Pretty boy. Seriously? At the time, I didn't think that she had even looked at me. That was probably based off the fact that I had not even registered much about her at that point. I had been so focused on the jerk on the bed.

I did, however, get an eye full when she came back down a couple hours later. I had just thrown the fifth magazine I'd been glancing through on the coffee table when I looked up and saw a doctor in scrubs walking towards us. She still had her surgical hat on and was removing it as she was walking. This moment did give me pause and any anger I had felt earlier was immediately gone. I'd even take the pretty boy insult. She was average in height, but that was about all that was average. Her long black hair was coiled into a bun at the nape of her neck but several wisps had been pulled free and seemed to frame her face just right. Her light green eyes just stood out like sea glass due to the contrast with that dark hair. The eyes were what captivated me. They showed so much in that moment. She was tired and annoyed and I was the absolute last thing she was wanting to deal with in that moment. I KNEW I was the reason for the annoyance which caused me to stand to meet her halfway. I had some major damage control to do.

"Dr. Allen?"

She had balled up the surgical cap in her hand and nodded her head as she came to stand in front of me. She was tense and I could tell that she was ready for a verbal sparring match.

"I am so sorry for earlier. It's no excuse, but that guy was involved with shooting a young girl. We just want to get some information from him to help get justice."

I watched as she continued stare at me. Those eyes continued to drill holes into me till they finally softened slightly.

"I appreciate the apology. However, officer. Do not ever come into this ER and pull that shit again. Your jurisdiction stops at that treatment room door. In here I am the authority that counts. You'll be happy to know that the young man will live to answer your questions. He'll be out of it for a while. I had to put him on morphine due to the severity of the break. You can leave your card with me and I'll give you a call when he is awake and able to better answer questions."

She just stood there with her hand held out as she waited for me to hand her my card. I eventually did, but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit dazed at her verbal lashing. It wasn't something I was used to. Normally, an apology gained me more ground. She quickly spun away from me and headed back into the bowels of the hospital. I just watched her walk away and did not even notice that Al was back at my side. He was pulling that toothpick out of his mouth as he spoke.

"What did you get hit with, Kid?"

"What?"

Al had this look of amusement on his face that I could not for the life of me understand and his chuckle was even more confusing.

"I just don't think I've ever seen you at a loss for words. I think I like her."

Al started to walk for the exit and I realized that I needed to follow. What the hell was wrong with me?

The Present

I guess endings make you think about beginnings. Maybe life is a continuous cycle. Things begin and end all the time. I just didn't think that life would find it necessary to slap me in the face with it. I'm looking at my daughter clinging to life in the incubator and praying to every God or higher power that I can think of that she makes it. I need her to. I'm not sure that I can move forward or that I'll be able to survive this if she doesn't. The lights are dimmed in this area of the hospital and the ringers on the hospital phones don't work and only flash softly if they are in need of answering. The nurse explained to me that the reason for this was that for the most critical cases it could make a huge difference. I just knew that meant my daughter was fighting against the odds. I feel numb and in a state of disbelief. Isabelle isn't even supposed to be here, yet. Rachel should also be here with me. She should be right here explaining everything that is happening. I can hear light whispers behind me and a nurse comes up to tell me that someone needs to talk to me. Getting up from that chair is almost impossible. My whole body feels like trying to move a mountain. I walk out of the NICU and see Kevin and Al waiting for me. They both look like hell. I imagine that I look ten times worse. I can't look right at them because I can see the sympathy that I'm not ready to accept written all over their faces. I look down the hallway and I can make out the rest of the team in the waiting room and Kim is standing with them. I quickly bring my vision back to Kev and Al because as hard as it is to look at them Kim would be worse. She and Rachel had become uneasy friends. That is the only way I can explain it and I know that as hard as it was to do that Kim was probably beside herself now. Al gripping my shoulder speaks volumes without words and I finally find the courage to look my mentor in the eye.

"Adam. I'm sorry. It was an accident. I know that doesn't matter, but you need to know before you start trying to blame people."

An accident. Yeah. A split second took her away from me. A split second showed me in stark clarity how fragile life was. As I now stand here as a shell of my former self I can't even process it all. A tractor trailer's brakes had given out as it barreled towards an intersection. If Rachel hadn't been driving her tank of a truck, Isabelle probably wouldn't have survived. How Rachel survived as long as she did was a miracle in and of itself. Brett had told me already that Rachel's sole focus was on the baby. She had told them to save the baby. Had told them what to radio ahead to the hospital before she had passed out. She had one priority and I now had mine. I could feel myself nod towards Al and I just walked back into the NICU. There was nothing to say. I needed to be with my daughter.

I almost didn't even go to the funeral. My need to stay next to Isabelle was so strong, but Maggie kicked me out. She swore that she would not leave her side and that if anything happened that she would call me. She said that Rachel's father needed me there. I guess she was right in a way. Moral support and all that. We didn't talk much and listening to that poor man eulogize his daughter was enough to kill me. I wouldn't have been able to do it. Rachel would have told me to not even bother. "Like I would even know about it." That was Rachel. I'm not even sure what I would have said. How do you put into words how much a person left a mark on your life? How do you explain that she forced me to become a better man? How she forced me to face the demons of my life and accepted me for who I was? Even the part of me that still loved Kim. Her capacity to understand that blew my mind. That was her. She was a surgeon in every part of her life. Find the problem, analyze what needs to be fixed, and fix it. She just happened to be the medicine I needed at that time. I just don't know what I am going to do now that I don't have her.