AN: Well, you can thank me being sick as a dog for this chapter being posted now. I will caveat this chapter with the reminder that it is from Adam's POV. So, keep that in mind. Also, shout out to CPDRuzekFan for being one of the most supportive reviewers...I may have pulled a thought from one of your reviews and used it in here. Hope you don't mind. :) Enjoy the chapter...or journey...I told you to be careful what you ask for...Dreams can giveth and Dreams can taketh...Oh just read. :)

Well, I wish I could say
That I've never been here before
But you know and I know
That I'll always come back for more
Your love might be my damnation
But I'll cry to my grave

Fire away
Take your best shot
Show me what you got
Honey, I'm not afraid
Rear back and take aim
And fire away

"Fire Away" – Chris Stapleton

The Present

The Bad. Oh yeah. The bad. I had really hoped that the bad would take a while to rear its ugly head, but when you've got history…it likes to complicate things early. Or maybe I was just more adept at seeing it coming this time. I don't know.

Kim was off. No other way to describe it. She was over thinking something. I always knew when that was happening, but this time…I knew it could get ugly quick if I didn't address it. She had been quiet for most of our dinner and now we were on our way to her place and that hadn't changed. I pulled into a spot in front of her building and she barely waited for me as we got out of my truck. I followed her into the building and just tried to keep pace. She unlocked her door and turned around. I knew I would be getting the "routine" goodnight and I honestly was not having it.

"What's going on?"

Kim blinked with shock.

"W…what? Nothing."

"Yeah…Bullshit. You've been in another world all night. What's going on?"

"Adam, I'm fine. Really."

"The Kim I know talks a mile a minute when she is nervous or passionate about something. Quiet Kim scares me."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

There was anger there. I could hear it in each and every word of that sentence. Kim went and opened her door. She walked through it and then went to shut it behind her. I knew I was skating on thin ice, but my automatic reaction was to put my arm out to stop the door. I was not letting our night end on that angry statement. I walked into the apartment and shut the door behind me. Kim knew I had followed her. She had stopped half way into her living room and was just breathing.

"What did I do?"

That had her spinning around.

"Nothing. Everything. What the hell are we doing?!"

"The last I checked we were on our fourth date. Not sure that is what you mean though?"

Kim threw her purse on the coffee table and looked utterly frustrated.

"What makes us think that this time is going to work out?"

That very question made warning bells go off all over my mind. This was not Kim. Not really. Not without someone putting that little ear worm in her head.

"We might not, Darling. We might go up in flames. What are you really worried about?"

"I'm worried about history repeating itself. Why didn't you want to set a date the first time?"

I knew that she expected me to dodge that question. And I had a really good idea as to who she had been talking to. I had it narrowed down to two.

"Because you weren't ready. Not really."

Oh, that did not go over well. No, it didn't.

"Excuse me?!"

I placed my hands in my pockets because I just didn't know what else to do with them. I didn't want to cross my arms and close myself off to her.

"Babe, do you really want to talk about this?"

"Apparently, we need to if you thought I wasn't ready to set a date."

I took the breath I needed because this was it. I was going to have to lay it all out there.

"Ok, first. You wouldn't be worried about us "working out" if you weren't already in this. I love you and I know you love me."

Oh, yeah. That got her. There were the tears. They were brimming in her eyes and I couldn't focus on that. If we were going down this road and dealing with all this shit, then we were going to do it once.

"Second, I knew you weren't ready. Kim, a woman that is ready to get married would never entertain the idea to put off the wedding for over a year in the first place. She would never even bring that possibility up. Unless, you want to be honest with me now. Do you have something to tell me?"

I know. Not nice. Nice got me nowhere the first time. I was nice. I was considerate. I got dicked over. Kim's eyes had now let all those tears out. They were cascading down her cheeks, but she was still holding it together.

"Never mind. It doesn't matter. But that is the reason, Kim. I wanted you to slow down and really think about what you wanted. I wanted to understand when you started pushing as to why it was so important to you. I didn't want to set a date because I knew you were talking to everyone else but me about what you were feeling. That only confirmed for me that you were not ready. You know why? Because I did the same thing to Wendy. I talked to Al about my fears instead of her and I kept things from her. And look what happened there."

Kim looked away then. This is where I probably should have shut up, but I was doing this. I was going to open up every wound we had.

"I opened myself up to someone else. Someone amazing and beautiful and everything that I never knew that I needed and wanted. I opened myself up to you. When you started to go to other people… I stuck my head in the sand and told myself that you were not me. That was my biggest mistake. I should have pushed. I should have told you what I wanted immediately, but I thought you knew. My mistake. I can forgive you for being scared. I can even forgive you for moving on with Roman later. Because I understand it. Where is this fear coming from? If you can't tell me that right now, then we have no business even dragging all this crap up. We have no business even trying to go down this road. Because if you can't be honest with me…. Then what's the point?"

Kim was now in that stage of gasping for breath due to the crying. She didn't deserve this. Not really, but once she opened up that door in me…that fear. I couldn't hold it in.

"I love you, Kim. I love you so much. But I can't go through this again. This isn't just about me anymore. I loved Rachel. God help me I did, but not the way I loved you. I'd run through brick walls for you, but I can't do that anymore. I won't. Why don't you believe in me? In us?"

I waited for as long as I could. Kim just cried and I waited. Then it hit me. She hadn't been ready from the start. I pushed and it had blown up in my face. It was time to admit the truth. She might never be ready. I turned and walked to the door. I didn't wait to see if she would call for me. I left and went home. I felt like crap as I walked into my door and I knew I looked like it. My Pops stood up and came up to me. He just put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. He knew there were no words in that moment to make me feel better.

"She just went down. She won't know if you look in on her."

Leave it to my Pops to know what I needed. He left and I headed for Belle's nursery. The door was open, so I just leaned against the frame to watch her sleep. My heart hurt so much in that moment. I was sure that I was not going to recover this time. I was truly done putting myself out there. Then I heard a soft knock. If I had put the TV on, I probably would not have heard it.

I closed Belle's door till there was only a crack and I headed to answer the door. Opening it, I found Kim on my door mat with tear stains still on her cheeks. How in the world did she drive here?

"It was my sister. It wasn't Roman. I know you thought I talked to Roman. It wasn't him. I haven't talked with him in over a year. She wanted to know why I thought that things were going to change. Why I thought that you would be able to commit to me this time if you weren't even married to Rachel when she died carrying your child. They were valid questions and it just got me thinking how crazy this all is. I mean how can I think that you will want me to be around to raise Rachel's daughter with you. How can I think that you will want to commit to that. It occurs to me that I'm thinking an awful lot of myself if I think you could even want that with me. Or that you were even looking that far ahead. You're right. I jumped all the way there, because I never stopped loving you. I tried to move on. I really did. You said that you can't do this again if I don't believe in us. I do. I just don't always believe in myself. I get so wrapped up in what other people think and I get confused and I get worried because I love you and I don't want to lose you. I can't bear the thought of that pain again. I…"

I'd heard enough. She was rambling and she was letting out all the pent up stuff that had been in her. It was all I needed to hear. I had her back. I cut her off the only way I knew how. I kissed her and I didn't stop. I pulled her into the apartment and shut the door by pressing her back into it. I continued to kiss her neck as I was locking the deadbolt. I could feel her hands on my shirt unbuttoning each of the buttons. I pulled back and just ripped the rest of them open. I needed her hands on me. I needed to touch and feel every inch of her. I picked her up and pressed her back up against the door.
"Bedroom."

God, I love the sound of her voice when she is that turned on. I prayed that Belle would continue to sleep through the noise of me bumping up against things as I made my way to the bedroom. I couldn't tell where I was going since Kim was keeping me actively distracted. I just knew that if my daughter decided to cry in that moment that I would go insane. I'd quickly come back to my senses and take care of her, but we would have a long discussion about what adult time was. Never mind. She didn't wake up. She didn't make a peep the whole night. Needless to say, waking up at 8AM after a very late night and not hearing a peep from Belle nearly made me fly out of the bed. Till I really listened. Giggling. I could just make out giggling. I threw on some shorts and made my way out into the living room. There was Kim on the floor with Belle. Belle kept handing her the fake plastic cell phone that my Pops had bought for her. Kim kept taking it and acting like she was answering it. Belle would smile and then start giggling.

"Good morning, ladies."

"Dada."

Belle began to run to me and Kim stood up from the floor. I scooped my daughter up and hugged her to me.

"Hey. She woke up about an hour ago. I figured I would let you sleep. We had breakfast already. You want me to make you anything?"

By now, I had already walked up to Kim. I leaned down and kissed her softly.

"I think I can find myself something."

"Is this okay? That I.."

I set Belle down on the floor as I headed into the kitchen. I knew that she would follow me or stay with Kim but continuing to be held would be out of the question. She was way too active now to tolerate that.

"Its fine. You can wake me up though."

"You sure?"

"Kim, it's great. I appreciate the extra sleep. You wore me out last night."

I smiled as I continued towards the kitchen. I knew Kim was blushing. I didn't even have to look.

Post note: You knew it couldn't be that bad, right? LOL!