Hello to all of you who are there still waiting patiently for me to come back! I'll say that I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark for so long and waiting for an update, I'm deeply sorry, and I won't promise to you again that I won't take long to update the next chapter because I would feel worse, really, so I'll just say that I'll update as soon as I can and that this story will have an ending. That I could assure you .
Thank you, really, thank you from the bottom of my heart for remembering me and this little story of mine. I can't pay you for that and only keep writing till the end.
So let's go on with the reviews, and I thank all of you who read the chapters, and/or review them, thanks a lot, you don't have idea what it means to me. And again, before going on with the chapter that I hope you like even a little bit, I'm sorry for the long delay and I'll try to shorten it.
Modo-chan: Hello! I'm sorry for the long wait, and don't worry, I don't mind you harassing me, in fact it helps me, believe me, you don't annoy me or alarm me either, I'm sorry for your despair, this time it really lasted long, sorry about that, and I hope it will be worthy at the end for you. I'll finish it, don't worry, I'll do it, and I'm sorry for not giving you a sign but I didn't want to give you false hope till the chapter was finished. I know for my own experience that it's difficult to be in the dark. And don't worry for saying all this, at the contrary, thank you and don't worry, the story will come to an end.
Thank you for your PM. It really made my day the time when I read it. Thank you sincerely for your honest and kind words towards this little story, sorry for making you to neglect your sleep and turn you into a zombie, I'm really sorry, but I'm very happy that it was worthy to you. Achieving those emotions and reactions out of you it's my best reward because I know that I'm doing something good. Probably it would be better if English was my first language and if I had more time, and I know it's not perfect but I have really fighting for it. You're not weird, believe me. I know the idea is a classic one and very common here in the fanfiction, and when I started it I've never dreamt in being here where I am now, I've never thought that so many ideas would come out of my brain to incorporate them into the first idea. I didn't think anyone would really be interested in reading it and following it much less. Thank you. I agree with you about motherhood and fatherhood. Thank you about your perspective of Sasuke in this one topic. I'm glad I made you be angry with him, really, that means I'm doing a good job here, he's one of my favorite ones too. I'm really looking forward to your opinion and reaction towards the last chapter. Your words would be reflected more than once. I haven't read "Letter of an unknown woman" but I'll try to find it and read it somehow. I'm sorry about the grammatical mistakes! I'll try to make it better; I try to read other works of many kinds to learn more words, narration and phrases to improve my writing. I always had a thing about long chapters. I don't know why but I love them. Sometimes I'm worried about how I'm going to end it and when I reach the end then I have to shorten the idea to not go beyond the limit, because I don't want to bore all of you or make it complicated for all of you. It's weird how this story doesn't have a lot of talking, but I'm glad you like it. I started to diverse the POV among the characters when Sakura wasn't close to Sasuke and to keep the story centered on their situation, but then I like to do it from time to time when I thought it was right and reasonable. Soon all of you will know what happened to Sasuke and some more things till the end. I'm glad that you cannot pinpoint what his real feelings are, that means again, that I did a good job on that ;). Thank you for your words, they really got a smile out of me!
xvelvett: Yeah, he spoke again but for a short time. I think you better know than me how he's feeling, ha, ha, I'll update soon, don't worry and thank you!
sonia: Don't forget about me! Ha, ha, just kidding, I won't take this long to update again, I'm deeply sorry, I'll even start writing the next chapter as soon as I update this one. We'll know what Sasuke is thinking one fine day, or I hope so, I'm kidding again, Sasuke POV it will take a while to appear but it will come somehow. Thank you!
hikari98: I'm glad you liked the chapter. With so many weddings my brain is wasting! Yeah, I liked Gaara in this one, in fact I like him too, and he's my second favorite character from Naruto. I'm glad it was interesting. I don't know what you'll think about this chapter but I hope you'll like it too. About siblings, I still don't know yet but let's have hope. I think like you, that it would be better when they're in a better place in their life and relationship but who knows. About Sakura's dad, you're the first one to ask me about him. Yeah, there's something about him later in another chapter. Keep disturbing me, please! Thank you! I'm glad that was a nice twist, him talking, Itachi is dead, sorry, I loved him too, I'm happy that you liked the end of the chapter; let's see what you think of this one ;).
AVAuchiha: Thank you for loving me! He, he, and for calling my chapters glorious and I'm sorry for making it so hard for you to have your wish. Sakura is trying hard but I think you're right; it's not good for her to keep herself from crying. It's was deliberate of me to not let Sasuke say something meaningful, ho, ho, and I'm sorry for that. Yes, your feeling is right. I'll update quicker, I'll try it, and thank you! And with this one out, four more chapters, looooong chapters, to the story to end!
sasusaku: Thank you! The suffering is still out there, sorry, ho, ho, and I hope you can have your curiosity satisfied! The Council is still out there too, the fact that they hadn't appeared till now doesn't mean they're totally at peace. He, he, don't be scared, but yeah, they'll do some nasty things still to our tormented couple!
Crunch Berry Baroness: I'm sorry you cleaned out you box of Kleenex! I hope you like this one too. I'm very glad for your nice words and that I can move you. Thank you for your good wishes and my luck started to look up, thanks for saying that! I'm sorry for the chunky paragraphs! Sometimes I start to write and I can't cut it! I'll try to fix it, I assure you ;).
Ladyrouge214: I won't leave the story! Thank you for your support!
kmixan: Thanks to you for waiting and reading and reviewing!
C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only: I'm sorry for making you cry! I hope you like this chapter! Thank you!
Massu Chan: I'm so happy that you liked it and considered that way. Thank you! Sasuke's torture won't end yet, sorry! Let's have hope for a brighter future for them! I want more Uchiha babies too! Let's see what I can do, ho, ho. Thank you for considering the story that way, lots of love to you too.
If I forgot someone, please forgive me! Next time it will be your turn .
Chapter 24
Snapping
Sakura POV
Our return to Konoha was a truly delight to everyone who cherished us there. After Sasuke and I had had that short and unexpected conversation we had gotten everything ready the next day and the day after that we had started our journey back to our village early morning. Gaara and Kankurou offered us a nice dinner the night before our parting and we spent a very enjoyable time with them. The both were frankly happy and anxious about Temari's delivery and the huge fact of being soon uncles of the unborn son of the Nara clan. I was looking forward to be in Konoha before Temari's baby was born and to experience the whole experience from the point of view of an outsider. I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl and I knew how the things were and somehow I was glad that the two Suna siblings asked me questions about it. I had the experience about it because of Miyu and I was more than happy to ease their uncertainty (Kankurou's one the most) and to be there to help Temari as the medic nin I was. The other big reason I wanted to go back to Konoha besides my natural desire to be living in my own village together with my family and friends was to restart again my investigation of Sasuke's mysterious illness. I knew what he had asked of me, to stay aside and let it be, but I couldn't simply do it. As a medic nin I couldn't just give up so easily without trying to do something for him as my patient, as the mother of his child and his wife, the woman who had loved him for so long time, it was much important to me to try harder. I wasn't going to let him know it, I knew Sasuke and if he had said what he had said, if he had asked what he had asked of me, there wasn't chance for a change of his mind. I wondered sad, concerned and confused why he was so sure about the possibility of not recovering his voice ever, and what he had been doing, what he had been researching, to drive him to that conclusion so final. My mind sometimes took me to wonder if his runaways from Konoha and the days and nights he was on a mission here in Suna weren't part of his own investigation to somehow find a way to heal himself. I couldn't help to feel proud of being his wife knowing that he hadn't been so resigned and hadn't given up like maybe not only me had thought, Sasuke had been in fact trying to do something for him, and something within me told me that he had been mainly doing it for Miyu. Surely he wanted to be in one piece, healed and strong as he was once for her, to protect her, to teach her, to educate her and love her in all his senses and health. That thought only warmed me and made me smile inwardly and I couldn't really believe when I looked back at the beginning of her story how everything had been. Sasuke had really grown up in his role as a father and I was content and proud of that. I had to confess that I hadn't really thought it possible back then when I was so hurt and angry for his behavior towards my pregnancy of Miyu.
After I had talked with him briefly that afternoon I really regretted not asking more questions that were unanswered and increased my curiosity and confusion. I wanted so badly to have a long chat with him about his motives for some actions he had done and for some words he had said, but I couldn't endanger his health just because of my need of knowledge. I trusted in the chance of finding some way to heal him enough to one day have that long conversation when I wasn't going to let it go so easily and I was going to force him to spit out some truth. Then I wondered if I really wanted to know and if it was really important now to know the answers. I asked myself if it could do good or wrong, or if it could speed up the feelings and things that I had been seeing within me since Temari and Shikamaru had been engaged. What if I didn't like the answers? What if it just forced us apart? What if I couldn't handle the truth even if it was somehow what I had expected? I tried to be strong and force myself to be brave enough to know the whole truth about Sasuke in this little story we had been living since that moment when I had slept with him the first time and I had gotten pregnant because it was the right thing to do. Was it right to stay in the pretense and lies? Was it good for me to not hear him say what I knew he would surely say? Guessing is one thing, but hearing it is a different one. But right now I couldn't let myself be drawn to that inner and deeper world of mine where all my insecurities, fear and sadness dwell. I had plans ahead and I had things to do, I couldn't be the same old weak I had been trying to not be since time ago. I couldn't let myself be trapped in the same old turmoil of feelings regarding Sasuke as always because right now there were more important things to do, like trying to find a cure to his weird sickness and help him recover his past glory just because I as a medic nin was very sure that something must be out there as a solution and as the woman in love I was because I didn't want to see him suffer anymore. And there was me as the mother of his child, because I wanted him to be in his finest for Miyu. So I focused in that and I let the other things to return to their hiding place inside my soul, heart and mind, there will come calmer times to ponder about that. Right now there were other matters at hand and I had to say that I wasn't strong enough yet to hear the sincerity speaking through Sasuke's lips. Not yet, I told myself, but one day I will be it.
That conversation brought a little change between us and I didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing. Our relationship as a married couple had gotten a little more courteous after he had distanced himself from me and me from him the last time. Even when we kept sleeping in different rooms and we didn't showed ourselves in romantic acts before Miyu or people who knew the truth about our marriage, like holding hands, kissing or hugging, there wasn't the cold and indifferent atmosphere that had been prying us before. He had his own life and world as before and I had mine, but there was something different about our relationship and I could sense it, it was like a silent partnership after he had shared with me his secret. I didn't force myself into him and he didn't do it to me either, and thankfully we respected our talk about not trying to have those moments that had confused me so much, like the time he had tried to kiss me at Temari's wedding. Was it better this way than before? Was it better to have him cold towards me and just caring about me because of what I was to him or it was better this way when he was just discrete with his things and he showed not only care but interest in me for what I was? I couldn't really decide. Our relationship always seemed to be shaking and changing and all the blame fell upon us. We both or one of us did something that changed how it was before and then the consequences came. Strangely enough I felt this time content with the consequences, Sasuke and I were a little more partners than strangers living in the same house despite the fact that we weren't a couple in love. He had shared something huge with me but he still kept his secrets and mystery to himself. He was somehow kind towards me showing care and interest and not being totally cold and indifferent, trying to be away on purpose from my presence like before. The weirdest and complicated thing was that I was drawn to him in a hypnotic way now once again, and that tiny part of me who hoped and believed still was trying to surface against my real and logic big part. I needed extra strength to no take this partnership as a futile clue of something that there wasn't going to happen ever. I was happy to share something with Sasuke and to be of some help to him even if he didn't know it, but I couldn't deny the fact that it saddened me too. Like always, everything regarding Sasuke was bittersweet.
Mother had gotten us a nice house that wasn't in fact big nearby the Hospital. Just about when we had arrived to Konoha she was waiting excited for us to take us there and showed it, my belongings and things were already there, our friends had gotten all them there and even when they weren't a lot now that they were placed in a bigger space it gave a comfy and nice home feeling. Suddenly I found myself able to dream about the future, picturing new things in places that were empty yet, thinking in buying belongings for our new house and decorating it, making it simply a comfortable and cute home like I had always wanted to have. It surprised me the way my mind had worked so quickly against my real heart and I had to suppress the sadness that was trying to work its magic within me once again. I shook off that unexpected train of thought and I focused in what I had for real in my life. We took a couple of days to settle down and decide what to do next, luckily for me I had already my job back at the hospital and Sasuke was more than welcomed to regain his status of capable ninja serving Konoha after the impressive work he had done in Suna and the recommendation the Kazekage in person offered about him. Either way Sasuke showed interest in gaining the title of Chunnin and later Jounin, something he hadn't gotten because he had left Konoha before time, and he started to prepare himself for it. That inevitably caused that he wasn't in home more often than he had been previously but I understood it and Miyu too. She was so proud of him in her own innocent and simple way and was ready to cheer up her dad when the time came. I divided my time and energy between my life at home and my life at work, trying to be the kind of housewife and mother I wanted to be and the medic nin I wanted to improve to. I kept hiding my investigation over Sasuke's condition, once Ino had caught me but now I needed to be more careful. I couldn't risk the trust Sasuke had put on me when he had shared with me his secret, so even when I wanted other opinions about his condition I wasn't going to put it a risk and probably damage our sort of relationship now. I wanted badly to share this with someone else, to tell someone how it troubled me and made me sad to wonder if he was right and there wasn't anything in the world for him to recover, if I wasn't enough to help him, and sometimes I wanted to break down and consult to Tsunade-sama, Shizune or Ino what I knew and what I was doing, but right now I simply couldn't do it. I thought in getting everyone's happy about the possibility when there wasn't exactly one, and I felt terrible just picturing their sadness over it. Probably Sasuke thought the same and that was why he hadn't said anything to anyone. But he had told me and in my heart of hearts I wondered why he had chosen me for it and why he had chosen that specific moment to tell. I wondered sorrowful and feeling awful if it wouldn't be better if I didn't know it either as our friends and family, at least I wouldn't feel so helpless and heartbroken and already defeated in advance. But I couldn't help to feel happy that at least Sasuke had chosen me for something as important as this and in the end the reason he could have had didn't matter. I had felt like a real wife with it, I couldn't deny it, and I had been surprised and shocked for it, but I wouldn't change it at all. Sasuke had talked to me. And that was all that mattered.
Sakura POV
The birth of the next Nara heir was a huge celebration among all of us. Kankurou, the blissful new uncle had come from Suna with the other new uncle Gaara when they had found out that Temari was in labor. She had been long hours in it and when they had arrived the baby had been already born but they hadn't broken the promise they had done to her at her wedding of coming to see her and their nephew when the time came. Shikamaru had been there with Temari almost all the long waiting till the baby was ready to be popped out. Little baby Shinta, as they had called him, was just hours old and he was already pampered and loved by a lot of uncles and aunts and grandparents, and my own daughter was so thrilled about having someone little (not as her but at least little) among the circle of adults that surrounded her here besides Asuma-chan. Back at Suna she had more friends and that was true but here she had more family and she understood it perfectly and was happy after few hours we had arrived at Konoha just as she was when we had arrived at Suna. Anyway I promised to myself to try to give her more than adults' company, she needed more friends of her age even if I wasn't really into the social life of the village because I was the wife of Sasuke Uchiha, of course, and she was his heiress. I couldn't believe it and I felt saddened and somehow angered by the fact that my daughter was somehow shunned from the social life of the children of Konoha due to her father and the gossiping that was still out there but at least Kurenai-sensei didn't mind anything at all and she let Asuma-chan to be her friend and share time and space with her. I knew that it was going to be the same with Shinta-chan when he was a little older and then if my friends got married eventually, she wasn't going to be totally by herself then. We only needed to wait. There was the other option of gaining friends and the trust and care of the children of the village and their parents when Sasuke and I decided to send her to school. For all that I wasn't really worried about her social life because I knew that sooner or later she was going to be cared and/or loved by other children and other people. She alone was going to achieve it; I knew it, because she was a very good kid. Probably she wasn't to be liked by all people because that was impossible but she was going to belong somehow. For now she had a lot of people who loved and cared for her besides us as her parents and she was just happy and healthy and that was all that counted at the end.
It was amazing how a new baby could remove a lot of deeper inner things, either if they were hidden or ignored. The good mood in our lives brought by baby Shinta and the overwhelming joy were so refreshing and contagious that I forgot for some hours all that I had to fix in my life or the things I needed to do. Temari had thanked all of us for being there to meet her firstborn and she had been smirking happily while Shikamaru stood besides her wearing a blissful grin. I had watched Sasuke by the corner of my emerald excited eyes and with a smile plastered on my face as the others' due to the moment we were having just there outside the white room of the new mom and beholding little Shinta in his proud dad's arms. Sasuke of course wasn't the type of person to simple smile but I had seen somehow that he was glad for the moment Shikamaru and Temari were living and I could see too the soft nostalgia that was waltzing in the deep of his beautiful black eyes. I wondered if he was relating it with Miyu's birth knowing that he wasn't there when it happened. Remembering it was strange to me, feeling a weird mix of sadness and happiness for the circumstances at that time. More than ever I knew that he regretted that part of the past of our combined life as Miyu's parents, I knew that he regretted all the time he had lost not being there with her. That saddened me a little but I was weirdly content knowing of it, noticing that he truly loved our daughter and felt bad and guilty for the way he had acted at first when he knew about her coming to this world. I barely could relate that Sasuke with this one in this particular matter and I was happy that they were different. I was happy knowing that I had done right letting him to be Miyu's father and leaving behind what he had said and done about it. I remembered myself thinking and saying that I wouldn't be ever able to forgive him for that in my daughter's behalf and I wasn't completely sure if I had really done it. His words and actions had hurt me badly and profoundly and it still bothered that pained and calmed part inside of my soul, but his actual true behavior had been healing it little by little.
Another good thing about Temari having a baby was that I wasn't the only one among our group of friends that was married and had a child. I loved my friends and I enjoyed their company a lot but being married and being a mother, housewife and a working mom weren't part of their lives yet, so there were things that I couldn't really share with them because they couldn't simply relate with them now. It wasn't that I couldn't count with them or confide in them some issues about it, but it was different from when I could count and confide in Temari now because she understood it better, after all she was living the experience as me. It wasn't either that I could tell everything to her because if I did surely her head would explode like mine seemed to want to do sometimes. I couldn't tell her how her marriage had opened my eyes, how the birth of her baby had remembered me painful and blissful moments, how I envied her for her true life as a married woman. I couldn't tell her or Shikamaru that Sasuke had trusted me with the secret about her muteness. But there were things I could tell to her and that was nice and I was grateful and I didn't feel so lonely in this married life as somehow I felt before and I had recognized it till now. I hadn't really recognized how my life and point of view of things had been changing since I had had a child and I had married Sasuke till Temari and Shikamaru were living the same thing. It was something surprising to realize finally and I didn't know if I should be happy for not doing it before or not. Ignorance is bliss, some people say. I had put always Miyu and then Miyu and Sasuke before me and my needs because that was what I wanted and I felt to do, but I hadn't really seen the whole picture of what big the role of a mother and a wife was in the life of the others. I had been living the moment just really like that, trying to survive and have the best time despite the situations that slapped me on the face. Now I knew I had a lot of path to walk as a mother and a wife and there were things that I had to think of, just like getting Miyu to really know other children and try to foresee my future as Sasuke's wife if he one day decided he wanted something else.
Being in the reunions and celebrations my friends held for baby Shinta or just to have fun and share time and anecdotes I had seen how life had go on here at Konoha while we were at Suna. Sai and Ino were almost ready to get engaged; Neji and Tenten and Naruto and Hinata were just happy as I had left them months ago, and my other friends seemed to be interested in someone or had dated already different people. The most amusing thing was to know about Kiba teasing Kankurou about something related with Kiba's sister, Hana. That special memory had brought back to my mind the little moment we had had that specific day and I half smiled nostalgic remembering just because it had stirred up something within me that I had put aside.
"Hana is a very interesting woman."
Kankurou said clearing his throat and despite the makeup he wore as part of his role as ninja I could clearly see some blush of embarrassment hidden under it. Kiba chuckled and pointed at him between amuse and annoyance.
"Now you're even calling her by her name! That's something you couldn't do just for dancing with her a couple of songs!"
"Hey! She asked me to call her by her name… I called her Inuzuka-san first!"
"It seems someone is getting jealous and overprotective."
Shino added after taking a big sip of our fake sake. We laughed and Kiba reddened embarrassed and more annoyed.
"That's not true. I don't have a reason to be it. It's not big deal. Hana danced with other men anyway, it wasn't special."
"What the hell is wrong with you? First you make a fuss because I call your sister by her name and now you're acting like this!"
"I don't get why brothers usually tend to be so jealous and overprotective when his sisters are dating."
Temari said after sighing showing a bothered expression that in fact was truly amusement and seeing Kankurou's reaction to Kiba's one. Kankurou turned at her quickly knowing that she was referring to himself and probably Gaara, who in fact didn't seem to feel fitted to that role and stayed calm and attentive at the talk. We laughed again. I didn't have brothers or sisters, so I didn't know how that kind of stuff was. My hopeful and playful part of me pictured myself with more children besides Miyu and the image of a little Sasuke bothering an older image of her for dating came to my mind filling it with joy and delight. I couldn't wait to live that despite I knew that I should wait because I was young and Miyu too, but then I remembered how things were between Sasuke and me and the possibility of never having another child. That thought saddened me and crushed those little dreams of me but I knew that at the end it was for the best if Sasuke and I didn't… well, you know, even if we had considered it at first. That I knew now that it had been stupid.
"Hey! I got that!" Kankurou added narrowing his eyes offended by his sister's words. Temari chuckled and rolled her eyes. "I wasn't like that! I was a normal brother who worried for you and your well being. I wanted the best for you, including the best man."
"Thank you."
Shikamaru said knowing that he didn't mean it for him but smirking amused for taking that as a chance to annoy his brother-in-law. Kankurou was about to say something but caught Temari's dangerous green glance warning him to not talk back even in joke to her new husband and father of her child. We all knew that it was just a play between the two siblings and they understood each others actions and words. He knew that she was joking around so he just muttered something under his breath and Gaara chuckled softly, something very uncommon for him but nice to see.
"I only hope that Shinta-chan doesn't get like that if he has sisters."
Ino said smiling happily at the happy newly weds and new parents and Temari smirked again amused by the idea.
"We'll only have boys."
Shikamaru said firmly and immediately and Temari turned quickly to him cocking her eyebrows in curiosity and wearing that dangerous look of hers that warned so many things. We chuckled funnily knowing what was expecting for Shikamaru then.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"
"That we'll only have three children and that they're going to be boys."
The Nara heir said again firmly and serious in his role of husband and father; and he was facing directly at his wife. Temari continued with the same expression written all over her face that was so funny to watch.
"IF I remember correctly, we only agreed in having three children, but not in the gender thing because that's something you shouldn't control. AND if you were to do it, I WOULDN'T let you do it."
Shikamaru blinked a couple of times and something in his expression quivered before he averted his eyes and we all chuckled silently again.
"Why you don't want to have girls?"
Temari asked not ready to drop the subject. I knew that she wasn't in fact mad and was only playing with Shikamaru's head. Kankurou smirked probably feeling excited for not being the one now at the end of Temari's joking mood. After a couple of seconds of Shimakaru being silent and staring straight at his wife's eyes, he took a long sip from his cup before answering with a firm voice.
"Girls are troublesome."
"OH, really? Don't tell me, you think so?"
Temari said with faked surprised voice and we couldn't help to laugh at it. Shikamaru sighed before putting a hand on her shoulder and she was menacing him with her powerful look. She even was standing with the same feeling all over her.
"But I WOULD love to have trouble at home."
Shikamaru said after releasing a big contained second sight with serious and meaningful look. Temari smirked satisfied.
"That's better, love, girls are a little complicated, but very entertaining too."
She said mocking him and winking at him playfully. He just rolled his eyes smirking too and I could plenty see in all the things he was thinking in case they had a daughter or two. I smirked inwardly when I could see in his face all the worries he was already processing and taking in advance. When I glanced around at my male friends I knew that the major part of them shared his feeling and preoccupation about having a daughter and I found that amusing and surprising. When I watched Sasuke by the corner of my eyes I unexpectedly saw the same and I found it cute in him. I thought then that maybe fathers were naturally more worried about having girls than boys and I couldn't help to remember my father and understood a little his behavior towards me for marrying Sasuke. But I couldn't let him sadden me right now and I wasn't going to let him do it.
"Well I would be delighted if I have only daughters."
Naruto said grinning sincerely and openly and wrapping an arm around Hinata's shoulders. She looked up at him fascinated and smiling warmly, totally in love with him. Ino, Temari, Tenten and me couldn't help to let out an exclamation moved by his words in a playful mood and we chuckled after it. I watched Sasuke rolling his eyes and smirking beside me.
"But it is worse having an older sister than a younger one."
Kiba said serious and still annoying in a joking mood. Temari rolled his eyes amused and we only chuckled again.
"I have to agree with you there."
Kankurou said solemnly and grinning jokingly to be only punched on the arm by Temari. Shikamaru smirked amused.
"Hey!"
"Ouch!"
"See what I'm talking about?"
Kiba said faking alarm and pointing at the sand siblings.
"I'll call Hana to teach you to behave properly."
Temari said menacing and playfully and Kiba shut up immediately muttering something we couldn't hear or understand and making all of us to chuckle or laugh.
"Maybe you should say the same to your brother."
Tenten added giggling happily and we all knew what she meant. Kankurou reddened again under his makeup and Kiba frowned between amuse and annoyance. Temari smirked wrapping enthusiastically an arm around Kankurou's shoulders who looked stiff and tense.
"I never thought one of my little brothers would like older woman. Hana is way older than you."
"Only for four years!"
Kankurou answered alarmed to Temari's playful remark and when she smirked again satisfied and Kiba growled again shooting daggers through black orbs to Kankurou we all knew, and him of course, that he in fact had liked Hana Inuzuka. That was weird, I thought as probably some of the others, I had never expected it, and they barely knew each other and Hana was a very strong willed and passionate kunoichi. I had thought that he had enough with a sister of the sort, but it seemed he had found in the exuberant Inuzuka Clan's heiress a special likeness.
"You're older than Shikamaru."
"WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME." Temari said smirking dangerously and frowning a little as Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Kankurou narrowed his eyes standing his ground. "But yeah, I don't find it wrong. It's just unexpected. I always thought you would chase younger girls."
"What the hell is that suppose to mean? That I have some sort of strange vibe?"
Kankurou asked annoyed and Temari just chuckled joyfully shrugging. Seconds later she was hugging him gleefully and had kissed him on the cheek and soon she was doing the same with Gaara and asking him about his love life.
Sakura POV
I couldn't help to feel somehow sad when I knew the reason behind the way that memory in particular affected me. I sighed thoughtful and knowing that Miyu was going to be an only child and that I had to stand my ground in this. I knew that Sasuke and I had talked about it and we had agreed in something but I knew, the rational and not dumb part of my brain knew, that it had been a huge and stupid mistake to even consider the possibility of having more children. It was unfair to them and irresponsible from our part. I couldn't do anything to change Miyu's world about that because it was messed up already and I felt bad and guilty about it, but I could not do the same to other potential children of our own. Probably if we wouldn't be together forever Sasuke could have children with other woman whom he could actually love. At least Miyu wouldn't be an only child if that was the case, I thought sadly, even if they weren't my own. Then I wondered if I could have other children with another man whom I could care and probably love a little more than a simple like. Could I really think in that possible future? Could I really see me in love with someone else even if it wasn't the same intense and burning love I felt towards Sasuke? Could my heart really give space for another love to live in it?
But when I held baby Shinta in my arms and I cradled him softly I knew then that I desperately wanted the chance to have other baby at least. I wanted another child, that inner part of me full with maternal love and maternal instinct craved for the chance of giving life inside my womb to another baby girl or baby boy, and feel it inside my belly and I couldn't hide nor couldn't I ignore that fact. As I watched beautiful baby Shinta in my arms so perfect and tiny something moved so greatly inside my soul that it almost made me cry when I knew that it was something out of the question. I couldn't plan like Shikamaru and Temari how many kids we wanted, I couldn't picture Miyu having moments like Temari had with her two brothers, I couldn't bring another baby to the uncertain world I had created like a castle on the wind. I knew that I couldn't tell Sasuke either of these troubling and painful thoughts yet, I somehow knew that he wanted family so badly that probably that could blind him to the reality of our marriage and home, and that he couldn't totally be logical and reasonable in it. I couldn't blame him for it, I understood it and it touched me deeply, but I couldn't let it change my decision. I couldn't let my heart to rule my head in this. Miyu was going to be an only child just like I had been.
But like always in my complicated life, things didn't go my way and it seemed sometimes ironically that what I had decided confronted obstacles I hadn't expected to face and I could only be strong and stand my ground the best I could. Sometimes I wondered if I was tested or maybe punished. Maybe I was, for being such a crybaby and stupid the early years of my life. I meditated all this when after weeks of staying at Konoha and baby Shinta's birth had passed and Sasuke, unaware of my inner situation and my forced decision for the well being of my family, put me on test in a way I didn't want and I couldn't have ever wished for. Despite the fact that he was doing great in his medical checkups and taking his medicines he suddenly started to have nightmares. They started just one night without any kind of warning and at first they were simple nightmares that awoken him in the middle of the night. I noticed at first because I heard noises in his room of him walking around. I didn't give it a lot of importance then. Then I noticed that Sasuke got up a few times at night and I heard the noises of him being awake. I spied on him one night and I knew then that he wasn't sleeping well and that he had trouble going to sleep again after he had awoken. One night I watched him just about when he had awoken with a start and I recognized the signs of a nightmare. So he was having nightmares, I told to myself worried. It was then that I couldn't stay out of this and I directly told him about it, that I knew what was going on and I offered my help, yes, that probably masochistic part of me had talked again against me, but he rejected me at first, nicely, of course. When the whole thing grew bigger and I was totally concerned and Sasuke was clearly exhausted after not sleeping at all for some nights, the medic nin in me had to take over. I consulted with Tsunade-sama and Shizune the problem and they performed tests on Sasuke to know if it was something physical or not, and of course, to make things more difficult as always Sasuke's things seem to do, to our bad luck it wasn't something entirely physical. We couldn't medicate him because he was already taking medication to keep in ease his strange illness and control its symptoms and we needed time to find the perfect medication to help him to sleep without messing up his treatment. I felt so frustrated and angered with myself for not having an easy and soon way to help him, I was so deeply preoccupied and fearing that this could affect his great advance in the control of his mysterious sickness and the way his health had been so good till now from time ago, that it was a plain torture to know that he was so tired and even cranky because of it inside his room and I couldn't rest enough and a lot either inside mine wondering over an over the same and dying in my worry and impotence. He hadn't wanted me to be there with him at least for a moment to keep him company, he knew that I needed to rest and sleep because I had to go to work next day, I had a home to take care of, I had a child to keep safe and happy and unaware of the gravity of her father's condition, and he forced me to stay out of it. It wasn't long enough before I couldn't take it anymore and I couldn't stay without doing something to help him. It was painful to see the black rings circling his eyes and the exhaustion taking over his body and spirit, and how hard he tried to keep the balance and not vent out on us all this. It was enough and I wasn't going to stay just watching.
It crossed my mind asking him to talk to me and explain me what was going on, really, inside his mind and thorough his body, but I didn't dare thinking that I could only cause more pain to him just to ease my frustration and impotence. I needed to forget now the fact that he could possibly speak till I could fix it, because I couldn't even dare to think in harming him. So that night as I watched him from the door, resting with his eyes closed on his back on his comfy bed I didn't know exactly why I did what I did. I didn't know how it had occurred to me to just approach him quietly and laid down beside him in silence. I didn't expect anything, I just wanted to be with him even if I wasn't helping at all, I just felt the instinct of simply be there, resting on the inviting mattress and facing the ceiling with my mind in a haze of worry, desperation and fear. I feared so much that this could take away the entire advance Sasuke had achieved over his illness, I feared so much that he could have a relapse or the apparition of a new symptom, that I found myself just giving up while I rested there at least for a moment, because I couldn't really give up, I would never do it if Sasuke was related, if something or someone important to me was at risk, but just for a brief period of time I stayed there still and mute with lost in thought eyes and frozen mind, yearning soul and aching heart, and tired body, oh yes, a body that was tensed up too. I remained there with him beside me thinking from far away what I had done and why, and if I wasn't only trying to keep him company and remember him that we were a family despite the awkwardness of our marriage and relationship and hard past. For minutes I simply forgot what was going on and I sighed deeply and I imagined that we were without any problem in the world, that we were in fact a couple in love that had only had a rough day and we were ready to go to sleep together in comforting and understanding silence. What an illusion. I thought with a sad smile stretching my lips. I knew that I had to wake up from it and I took another deep breath before I sat down trying to know how to approach Sasuke to convince him to let me help him somehow. I knew that with him nothing was ever easy and as much as I loved him for it, I wasn't going to take it nicely right now. I turned around to face him with serious and worried expression and furrowed brow and I was surprised when I found him sleeping already. I blinked confused and wondering how long I had been lying there thinking stupidities and imaging childish things. When he had fallen slept? I stared at him quietly and not daring to move to not wake him up. I don't know how he made it to take my breath away when I looked at him. I just could stare like a stupid fangirl at him sleeping peacefully at mere inches away from me, I just could see his beautiful face and pale charming skin, his wonderful straight and black hair and his perfect body, and I had to slap me mentally to get out of my daze. How can I be so enchanted still after years and years of the same old nagging feeling?
I sighed annoyed with myself and feeling lame and pathetic and somehow in a big part happy for it. It only meant that I loved him, yes, I really did, it wasn't a futile crush or a sick obsession. I loved him and I was going to love him forever. And it was something sad and amazing at the same time but I couldn't help it and I wouldn't change it for anything. Leaving behind this retrospective moment I focused in what had happened trying to not be run over by the whole significance of that moment. Sasuke was sleeping at least after nights of not doing it and he didn't seem stressed or affected by anything. I waited in silence and worry, hoping and just looking at him for some sign of a nightmare to come. But after a long moment of observance nothing happened and my heart leaped in joy and hope. He was resting properly finally and I was a little less concerned noticing that he really was getting what he needed. He had looked so drained and exhausted that I was so scared waiting for the worst to happen.
I didn't know when or how I ended sleeping too beside him in such a peaceful somber that when I finally opened my eyes and noticed the soft light of the next day I was a little startled. I woke up immediately and I sat down watching him sleeping still calmly. Somehow I knew that he hadn't had another nightmare and he had slept comfortably last night. I smiled happily and feeling such a relief that it was reflected in the profound sigh I let out quietly. In that moment and much later I didn't really know how and why it had happened after the rough nights he had had previously, I was just glad and relieved for it, but the next day when the night fell upon the village and he couldn't sleep again I wondered what difference had worked the miracle. I really didn't think that my presence had somehow helped to the case, Sasuke didn't need me and he hadn't ever needed me for such a simple thing as sleeping peacefully, but when Miyu decided to pay him a little visit before going to sleep I had let her do it despite the fact Sasuke was looking so tired and distracted because he had wanted it. He had simply took her in his arms and had sat her down on his lap as Miyu babbled about the things she considered entertaining or amusing or her innocence could process. Of course, she couldn't really keep still a very good conversation being so little but it was cute and amusing to listen to her and the way she saw the world. I left her with him for a moment before deciding to take her to bed and try to do something again to help Sasuke to sleep and when I came back to his bedroom I had found them sleeping as that other time I treasured within my heart. This time it touched me deeply as the old one and I smiled warmly feeling again relief watching Sasuke properly resting. I didn't dare to interrupt their calm sleeping and I just covered them with a thick blanket and I put pillows by Miyu's side to prevent her from falling from the bed even when Sasuke was holding her protectively and I knew that his unconscious mind as a father was ruling here. I left them in the shadowy room feeling myself tired and sleepy and glad for it and I walked back to my own room not really wanting to ponder about what had happened again that had helped Sasuke out. Even when my analytic mind had some ideas on his own I just wanted then to behold their image printed inside my head that kept me smiling happily and remembering me that despite the circumstances and the fakeness or our married life, there were moments just like this one that made all the effort and trouble worthy and washed away the pain of the crushing reality from my heart.
Sakura POV
Tsunade-sama stared at me serious and understanding and she had skillfully hidden the confusion I could still see in Shizune's face after I had explained them the solution I had discovered concerning Sasuke's recent insomnia and nightmares. Three weeks had gone by and I had been forced to tell them that Sasuke had been sleeping normally again. They had talked to me still worried about it and with some ideas to help him and I couldn't keep quiet when I knew that Sasuke's well being was in the middle of it. We three knew that giving him other kind of meds could jeopardize his actual treatment and his improvement, so I wasn't going to shut my mouth about it just to keep to myself the fact that my husband and I weren't sleeping together since nights ago. I had been calm and collected about it and the two of them were the first ones with whom I had admit that Sasuke and I weren't in fact as fine as we had tried to show it to everyone, including friends and family. I don't know exactly how they all thought our life as a married couple was, but probably they had hoped that it had been the closest to the normal one most of the couples had.
"So, Sasuke's been sleeping normally and peacefully again?"
Tsunade-sama asked after clearing her throat and taking notes not giving a tiny importance to my confession and I thanked her silently from the bottom of my heart. Shizune seemed to understood her behavior because she blushed for seconds probably out of embarrassment, and then looked calm and serious too and regained her portray of the talented medic nin she was. I couldn't help to smile sadly within me.
"Yes." I answered to the two women sat down in front of me at my living room. "He looks even better. He's performing his duties perfectly again."
"Kakashi had told me about it." Tsunade-sama said looking up from her notes and smirking at me satisfied. I could read her concern for me but I thanked again her insight to not tell me something that I knew already. I didn't want anyone scolding me when I did it almost every hour of my day when Sasuke was related. Yes, I had acted wrong and I had to live with the consequences. "Then I think is a lot better than trying to give him some medication that can unravel future and unforeseen problems."
I nodded and we were interrupted when Miyu called out for me from her room. I thought from what I could comprehend from her still mismatched speech that she wanted to show me something. I chuckled happily as my two co-workers and I was about to stand up when Tsunade-sama turned to Shizune.
"Shizune, can you go? I'm very sure that Miyu would appreciate your visit, just for a moment."
Shizune was surprised as me for a moment but hers lasted more than mine. I had understood almost immediately Tsunade-sama's petition and I blinked slowly and lowered my eyes casually knowing the motive behind it. Shizune's eyes moved from her to mine quickly and after she got it she nodded smiling worriedly and stood up. Soon my old sensei and I could hear her from afar talking happily with Miyu and how my daughter joyfully laughed.
"I suspected that being married with Sasuke wasn't in fact totally normal as it should be. But at least I hoped that you were sharing some stuff as simple as sleeping at the same room, especially knowing how much you wanted to give Miyu the impression of her parents comfortable around the other. You had even suggested it."
"I know." I sighed not still meeting her honey gaze. I rested my tensed back on the couch now lifting my eyes to the ceiling with a lopsided smile. "We used to share the same room and even the same bed before. In Suna it was like that for a time but"
I trailed off not wanting to really remember what things had gotten us, in silence and understanding, to take the decision to not do it anymore. The ironic, strange and sad thing about it was that instead of helping me to live easier with this cursed and blessed love at the same time trying to rip apart my chest; it had created an abyss that hunted me in the nights. I didn't want him completely there on the same mattress because I longed for him as a man only like the wife I was, but because I had gotten used to his presence and I had given anything in the past to just have him in moments like that, quietly and peacefully sleeping by my side. Of course I yearned for his kisses, his caresses and his closeness, it was worse now that he had been mine than not having him ever. I had tasted heaven and then I had turned my back on it because it was for the best, but it was harsher when I had had it in the first place. Why? Why we couldn't be in love the two of us and make love without regrets, without secrets and without the guiltiness that came the next morning? Why we couldn't just sleep side by side being in love even if we couldn't touch each other ever again? That would have made my day, just something as simple as that.
"Things happened and I…" I trailed off again sighing deeply and leaning over and with my face still lowered lost in thoughts. "We both just one fine day stopped doing it. Miyu hadn't really noticed or she hadn't really giving it importance, and I bless her innocence."
"Sakura, did you have sex with him after your marriage?"
I was taken aback with her sincere and straight questioning and I looked up quickly feeling myself blushing for talking about such things still. Tsunade-sama was staring at me calmly and understanding and she wasn't looking at me in a wrong or hurting way. I knew I could not tell her anything as I knew that I couldn't tell my own mother these things because I didn't want to worry her anymore. She as the others lived thinking that somehow I had made it work with Sasuke and that I had found content and happiness somehow just as I had preached before when I was a foolish dreamer and a hopeless optimist. I hadn't even told anyone about our honey moon and that special night. I stared at my former sensei with melancholic expression and thoughtfulness and I opened my mouth and I answered to her. Yes, I had slept with the husband who doesn't love me again, I had even talked with him about having more children and then I had took my decision back, I had shared romantic moments with him and I had tried to prevent them from happening again because they weren't really romantic, just physical attraction and that thing humans had called instinct. Tsunade-sama stared at me silently and listened to me and when I let out the answer to her question out of my chest and my soul, she just sat by my side, wrapped an arm around my shoulders and patted my head and didn't say anything else. She guessed immediately my wish to have more children and how it hurt me to deny it to myself even when I didn't exactly voice it out and he understood my sadness over it and the big sacrifice I was doing to not have them in these circumstances. I had known that I needed someone with whom I could talk about a part of my silent suffering but I didn't exactly knew how much I needed it. I knew too that I couldn't tell her other things that were burning within my heart but the ones I could let out helped my soul to feel better.
"At least you two treat each other nicely." She said staring at the front just as I was doing. My eyes were burning with desire to cry but I had promised myself to not do it anymore, my tears were now reserved to really important matters. I nodded knowing that she understood that I didn't want to face her now and that she was right. Sasuke wasn't rude with me, just his old same indifferent Sasuke, the type of indifferent that wasn't in fact cruel or mean, just distant from the things he didn't really want, like a wife who was deathly in love with him. "But it's quite strange that lately when he had had his problems of insomnia and nightmares he can sleep when you or Miyu are with him."
I blinked knowing that she was again right. That was it and I hadn't really gotten it at first, till nights later when I had shared the bed with him or Miyu had stayed sleeping in his arms. Somehow that little information created a weird and unexpected anger inside me and I frowned pained and confused. Tsunade-sama looked at me by the corner of her honey eyes like if she had read my very own thought then.
"It's alright to be angry about it."
"Why?"
I asked still shocked by my sudden outburst of anger as my body tensed. Why it was alright to be angry? Why I was angry when I was helping him?
"You know it." Tsunade-sama said calmly. "You're a little angry, as you are relieved, and it's totally fine."
"Hn." I smirked ironically and with sadness springing in my eyes. "Isn't it great?" I turned to her with that same expression still all over my face. "He needs me to sleep when problems come and even when I'm happy and relieved for helping him I… I'm being forced to do something I had chosen to not do anymore. He doesn't need me really to keep on living, if I'm here or not it would be the same, I know it, but he needs me to sleep peacefully and I have to share the bed again and he knows it and I don't know if he notices how much is hurting me to go back to something I had been so hard to detach myself from… and I'm no really necessary, you know," I smiled sadly before turning my gaze to the front again. "Miyu could work the miracle too, so I'm just a replacement, but the saddest part is that he really wants her there because he loves her, and I…" I started to sob and soon some damn freaking tears were falling from my pained eyes. "I know it, I know that it would be a lot better for me if I let her help her father, just her, and I'm so happy when they are together and my heart melts when I see them and I'm thankful that they love each other after all, but I steal from my own daughter part of those moments when I just lay there beside him to help him to fall to sleep and I lie to myself telling me that I can't lean on Miyu everything, that I can't put on her little shoulders this all the time, and I lie just because I want part of those moments too." I was definitely crying now and I was doing a great effort to stop myself from doing it. "I lie to myself and I take Miyu's place and I feel like the worst mother in the world just because I want to be with Sasuke even for that, even when I had decided to stop this nonsense and get a grip on myself…"
Tsunade-sama just kept her arm wrapped around my shoulders in understanding silence. I sobbed and struggled with my teary self for a moment before I could compose my sorry self and calm down a little.
"I'm angry with him for doing this to me, why he can sleep when I'm there just as he can do it with our daughter? I can understand it from her; Miyu's his daughter, but what about me? Why he does it to me? What kind of game he plays when I'm around? Perhaps I'm not really so important and I'm just giving it the wrong importance, you know." I shook my head softly smiling ironically and a little calmer than before. "I'm sorry for slashing out this on you, Tsunade-sama… but I'm glad you were here."
"I'm glad too that I could help you in some way." She said smirking before putting a serious face. "Sakura, have you thought that it's useless to keep this act up? There isn't helpful to you to keep living like this, even if Sasuke doesn't mistreat you, in some way you're getting hurt at the end." I blinked surprised by her words and some part of me suddenly remembered what I had thought back at Suna. Someday I was going to be forced to take the decision I didn't want to take for whatever reason I could think of, from being such a cry baby and weak useless masochist, to a stupid hopeful dreamer trying to have the nice family she had always wanted, giving her daughter that dream. Probably everything just was the fact that I couldn't live without him as I couldn't live with him either. "Is it really worthy for you to keep on living this lie and half life? You don't deserve it and you're not to blame for getting pregnant at a young age without being married. Don't feel guilty and don't blame yourself. You don't have the responsibility for Sasuke's destiny."
I looked down realizing the truth behind her honest and straightforward words. I hadn't ever really thought it that way and some part within me, hidden deeply, stirred up when I heard her voice saying that. Did I felt like any of that after so long? Was I messed up so badly? Did it was really related to my denial to end something that it wasn't functioning? Or it was simply that I wanted excuses to understand these feelings of mine?
Anyway I knew that Tsunade-sama was right. I knew I couldn't waste my life like this forever, fearing for Sasuke to find someone else with whom he could share his real heart, fearing that the daily life and regular routine could harm us bad, finding one fine day that we couldn't stand our common life anymore. I ached thinking merely in it but I knew I had to face the possibility sooner of later. That was the plain truth and my former sensei knew it too. I couldn't blind myself any longer and I couldn't leave the time to go by like this. Sooner or later I would be forced to choose, just I had guessed in Suna that lonely night. The only question was how long I was going to wait and why. The reasons to do it were in fact the important thing here.
"Anyway" Tsunade-sama began knowing that she didn't need to say anymore, she had said what she wanted and she trusted in me enough to think really about it and I again thanked her insight and confidence. "About Sasuke's sleeping problems, I think that he had been having bad dreams and nightmares because somehow the meds weren't working properly at that specific moment. When we sleep we are more vulnerable, so his hallucinations could have been troubling him to the point of provoking him insomnia." I nodded thinking deeply in what she was saying and noticing the truthfulness of it. Sasuke had seemed so out of himself, so anxious and in permanent alert these nights when he hadn't been sleeping that it was very possible that his hallucinations had been messing up with him. I couldn't help to feel concerned and affected, I cared sincerely for him, and I loved him, dammit… I frowned staring worried at her. "When Miyu or you are with him, I guess he has some sort of recognition of what reality is, so you two became a link to it and help him out to realize that, so he finally can sleep peacefully and comfortably. You two live with him the most of the time, you two share time and space with him more than anyone else, so that's why probably he finds some tranquility when you are close to him in those weak moments of his mind." She paused briefly giving a quick glance to her writings. "What I'll do is to give him a slight and soft portion of the meds he regularly takes to keep his symptoms away, specially the part controlling the hallucinations at night, so he can start sleeping properly without problem. Everything will work out, alright?"
She smirked at me calmly and I sighed deeply believing honestly in her last phrase. I didn't want to accompany him through night to help him to sleep, that wasn't healthy for any of us, especially to me, so Tsunade-sama' solution was perfect and I knew that she had taken it to help me. So I thanked to her once again and soon I knew that at least that problem was going to be solved and I could go back to my silent suffering and my constant and tiring trying of keeping him away and myself of course.
In the upcoming days there were moments when I was really decided to take a decision soon not mattering what end could bring, but there were quite a few moments when I got weaker and I couldn't tear myself apart from the possibility of staying with him forever, or until he called it forever, not minding if I was going to suffer permanently anxiety and sadness. Sometimes I wondered if I wasn't giving up too soon and if I should wait more time to see if something could be changed between both of us, within his unreachable heart. I knew that debating between these two sides was childish, insecure and stupid, but I couldn't really take the final decision now. We had gotten back from our long stay on Suna and we were settling on our village again as a marriage and family, we were getting back on our tracks and everything seemed to be perfectly working for us. Tsunade-sama's solution had worked its miracle on Sasuke and he didn't have problems to sleep any longer and I was grateful and of course, a little sad over it, because I was such a pathetic woman that couldn't decide between being close to him or keep her sorry self away from him. He was doing great at his job and was training with Kakashi-sensei and Naruto to get the title of Chunnin and later Jounin like the rest of us. His health seemed fine, fine enough in what I could consider now Sasuke's special condition, and I was doing great at my job too. Miyu was a happy little girl who was pampered and loved for more people than in Suna and was growing wonderfully, so as anyone could see, for other eyes we were fine as a family and a couple.
But they didn't really see the distance that was between Sasuke and me when we were alone at home and without Miyu, the only link that could reunite us somehow, and they didn't really see the courteous but hollow way we treated the other, just recognizing our presences there as the roles we were playing, but not really caring, not really sharing, not really living it.
But I cared. And I wanted to share. And I wanted to live it with all my heart.
And I knew that against everything I could see as a tiny hope, probably nothing was going to change and I wasn't going to win Sasuke's heart ever, and probably he was going to get tired of me sooner than I could get tired of him and he was going to be the one leaving through the door. He was going to be the one to leave, simply because I wasn't strong enough to do it yet even when I had thought it and considered it and even when I knew that this wasn't healthy for me and it wasn't going to be it for Miyu when she grew and could finally see the truth without so much blessed child innocence. But for now I wasn't simply ready as I could have wished it and I had to suck up my incessant confusion and pain. Those days I really thought that nothing else could make it harder or easier, and it wasn't even in my dreams but of course, as many things in my life I should have known better this time.
Sakura POV
It started a few days after he had gotten better about his insomnia. Lately I had been a little worried about the tattoo Hinata's father had put on him so long time ago by orders of the Council and I had wondered why I had never really put attention on it. I guessed I had grown used to see it there, marked in black ink on his forehead as another part of his perfect and beautiful being, as his raven hair or stunning black eyes. Anyway, Hiashi-sama had suggested us to erase the tattoo which in fact hadn't worked like it was supposed to do; it wasn't now even strong enough to contain Sasuke and hurt him badly if he tried to leave Konoha as it had happened before that dreadful day. Now that we were back at Konoha and we seemed ready to begin our life there, Hiashi-sama wanted to do it knowing that he could watch Sasuke's progress by first hand. Removing a tattoo created for someone specifically and for something particularly wasn't easy, and he had been all this time trying to find the perfect and less painful and less dangerous way. The Council didn't have a say in this because they simply hadn't gotten what they had wanted at first when they had requested it and just bringing the subject to them caused obvious anger and frustration. The tattoo caused still some effect on Sasuke when he tried to leave Konoha without a permitted reason, like when he wanted just to talk a walk outside our boundaries, so that was why Hiashi-sama and I wanted it to disappear.
I had been there as a medic nin the times Hiashi-sama did his last preparations and studies before eliminating it and I was glad that at least that thing was going to end. It remembered harder and sadder times of our lives and I didn't want Sasuke to feel like a prisoner still in the village, his village, after all that had happened years ago. Naruto had even suggested us to celebrate somehow the erasing and I had just laughed sincerely. It was nice to see how much my friends wanted time to just simply fool around and have a nice moment when we weren't immersed in our daily missions and jobs. The day of the end of the tattoo came and I was very relaxed about it thanks to Hiashi-sama's intervention. It was quick, simple and harmless and soon Sasuke was walking by himself on the streets of Konoha like a really free man without a sign that marked him as someone unwanted or rejected in our society. Hinata's father had apologized to him about the whole thing because he hadn't really been content or had agreed with the Council's decision that time but he couldn't have said no for Sasuke's behalf. Kakashi-sensei smiled and congratulated Sasuke joking around and I knew that he understood the act like I did. This meant something for Sasuke in Konoha, our beloved village, maybe he couldn't really see the importance or didn't give it the significance we both did, but it meant for me that he wasn't seen as before even if the people weren't totally a fan of him. At least it meant that he was trustful and worthy and was part of the village and accepted, and because the Council hadn't gone against it, it only increased all this. Of course, we celebrated it with a fancy dinner and all our friends reunited, a little party where we chatted, laughed and joked around enjoying our company and sharing the late news of our lives. Sai and Ino seemed ready to commit to each other soon after their relationship had gotten the closest it could (you know what I mean); Shikamaru and Temari were a happy couple of new brand parents, Naruto and Hinata were still strongly in love and enjoying their relationship, Neji and Tenten were quite in the same level on their own, I had known for the first time of Hanabi's crush on Shino, I heard from Temari that Kankurou seemed to be going out with Kiba's older sister (something this last one didn't approve of course out of brotherly jealousy) and that Gaara seemed to have a prospect back at his village. Kiba, Chouji and Lee said they had been going out with some girls but they weren't in something serious till now. Just listening to my friend's daily life had made me forget somehow my own tortuous one, and we had a very funny and happy moment together. I thought that even Sasuke enjoyed it on his own particular way.
But with the tattoo gone and after days of that single entertaining day when we were together celebrating it something old started to happen and even when some part of me was somehow waiting it for return and could always understand it, it took me by surprise and it concerned me deeply. And of course, it hurt me too.
Sasuke started to run away from the village like in the past for few days. He left Konoha without anyone noticing, excepting me, and he returned later like if nothing had happened. I wondered silently, because I didn't dare to tell to anyone what he was doing again, something that anyone including me could find suspicious, what could he been doing out of the village. Why he did those little journeys? Where did he go? Why he didn't let me know somehow? I felt strangely betrayed and angry because I had thought that when he had shared his secret about his capacity to speak and we had had that little confident moment, that at least he could count on me in this kind of things. Probably I had been foolish enough to think that he was going to consider me in some way after he had spoken to me about his secret, and I had expected as always a lot of him when I had always known he wouldn't fill my expectations, but it weirdly hurt me the fact that he was doing secret things behind our back, my back, and he didn't give me the perhaps little importance I had in our shared life. I was hurt that his shared secret hadn't brought us closer and the tiniest hope I could have been having still was blown away by the reality's wind of deception. But I had to get over it if I wanted to know what Sasuke was up to, in behalf of his security and name still darkened in the minds of the people of Konoha and the Land of Fire. I was aware of his little absences and I kept my mouth shut just because I didn't want the Council knowing of it, or any of my friends yet. I cover up for him and I didn't even know if he noticed it, and he didn't thank me for it, but I did it still because I didn't want him getting in trouble. That was the way my love was driving me to and I couldn't go against my heart then.
But my mind didn't leave me in peace either.
And it requested me to seek and learn the truth finally. I wanted to know why my husband did those little trips and where did he go when he was at them. I wanted to know if he was going bad again, something I dreaded profoundly and if he was safe and being careful out there. And my pain for being left out of it, maybe a childish and stupid reaction of me, demanded me to step out and confront him finally about something. If this was the chance to finally learn the truth about Sasuke I was forced to take it and embrace it whatever it was. I couldn't keep wondering endlessly when I had the opportunity to know at least some part of his story and the decisions behind his acts. Even when I was ready to learn the part of the truth and I had been waiting for so long for it, my bravery didn't come exactly at the same time. It took me days and nights of silence to the world outside us to really take the first step, while I was debating between sureness and fear, fear of knowing something I didn't want to know yet or ever like the coward human being I was, something that could tear apart my actual life and destroy my shaking home and family. Was it really worthy to go beyond and confront Sasuke? Could I risk what I had now, just out of my stubbornness, my right to know, my inner and conscious desire to take off the cloth blinding my eyes? Could I reason with my anxiety telling me to leave the things the way they were and not dig deeper into something that was probably going to hurt me? Did I have to listen to my heart once again or should I start listen to my head instead?
The truth deep within was that I was scared because I simply felt that I was going to discover something painful. Was it the other way when Sasuke was related anyway? And my childish and dreamy part still breathed hopeful against the idea, trying to believe that I was overreacting at the mere end. What to do? I couldn't ask anyone an advice, nobody knew of Sasuke's secret departing. It was me all alone, it was me the one to decide to look and know or stay blind folded and hopeful still. And after thinking deeply and strongly in every little consequence that could come ahead and everything that had happened between Sasuke and me the last years, I finally took a decision and I brace myself knowing that I had to go till the end with it. I couldn't step back and I needed it even when I was scared and fighting mixed feelings. I couldn't keep suffering like this and stressing myself about it anymore, I was going to hurt myself for nothing or die from a heart attack. If I was strong before in other occasions, more important occasions, this was nothing. I could handle it and it was time to face Sasuke about something real. I thought that I deserved it at least after all we had shared since Miyu was conceived. I found courage and one fine day I asked my mother to take care of Miyu for a longer time telling her a lie that I barely could mutter and I waited till Sasuke left in secrecy. I followed him at sunset by the old streets of the village trying to be casual and avoid contact with anyone, especially my friends, as my heart pounded hard and painful inside my chest, and I heard its beating drumming in my ears. I followed him closely and silently and thanking everything above for his confidence in not trying to see if he was being followed. I didn't see my surroundings and I barely put attention to the path I was walking like a spy, all my concentration and attention was on the man ahead of me that was the man of my dreams, the prince in his shining armor, my husband, the father of my child. He was all that to me and much more and here we were, playing this charade just because I wasn't a single part of any of that to him. The sadness tried to take me away and cloud my eyes but I blinked it away and frowned knowing that soon I was going to know something Sasuke had been keeping secret from me and from all of us. And I couldn't help to shake in fear and anxiety with my pulse racing and the trepidation shortening my breathing as I passed trees and trees and the night advanced and the morning came again and I hadn't slept like him, and I hadn't rested like him, and I hadn't eaten something like him and I had barely drunk water in an unconscious way. I could just recognize the things around me and know where I was but I was entranced and lost to the world.
It wasn't a place far away from Konoha if we had only walked all night long. Probably we had traveled 12 hours approximately. I hadn't really come here but it seemed quite similar to the woods surrounding the boundaries of our village and land. The place didn't seem dangerous in any way, it was a calm clearing and the day had started nice. I followed Sasuke through some secret passage among old, thick and very tall trees that shadowed a lot our path and all the exhaustion and sleep I could have been feeling just out of the stress (because I was used to exhaust myself being a medic nin like I was) disappeared immediately when I felt that the end of our journey had come. In question of minutes I was going to know what Sasuke was doing here and why, and the world that had come with me as my silent and compliance partner turned much more blurred that all those long hours I had spent following the only one I had loved so much that it hurt to the core. Just more steps ahead and soon I was going to know some part of the secrets Sasuke had and I was there being attracted uncontrollably towards that unknown force that was going to destroy me without remorse. Because I knew it and I felt it then in the bones and I knew I had risked everything and everything was going to change and the pieces of my fragile life were going to shatter just like that.
I stopped hiding behind a tree whose shadow against the bright sun covered me in disguise magically and I froze myself there feeling the upcoming tears of realization and pain that had been foreshadowing my end since days and nights ago.
Sasuke walked forward to a small cave that seemed to function as some sort of house and when he was about to knock the wooden screeching door opened and a woman appeared at the doorframe. She looked at him with surprise at first and then she shook her head with resigned expression. She was about five or six years older than us but she was pretty and she looked like that magical fairies adults tell about to children. I couldn't critique her clothes or appearance beyond the fact that she was beautiful because she soon was holding Sasuke and had kissed his cheek lovingly to then hug him strongly.
I stared there paralyzed and frowning between shock and confusion, between realization and doubt and my eyes blinked slowly breaking the barrier containing the tears. I felt from far away the tears rolling down my cheeks and the quiet and shocking sobbing leaving my aching throat as my breathing got a complex rhythm of pain. I didn't have strength left to ball my fists in anger or perturbation and I stood there looking at my husband giving her back the caring hug and kissing her cheek with respect and softness. He was holding her as strongly as she was doing and he had landed his head in a comforting way on her shoulder. They were caring and worried about the other and that was clearly shown to see to anyone, even to the damaged wife who was spying on them totally in sorrowful and shocking state.
The hug ended and she muttered something to him as she looked at him with her beautiful and slumbering eyes and she took her by his hand and lead the way back to the cave in a familiar way. Sasuke clutched her hand and followed her like an obedient stray dog and the door closed with a loud noise that finally caused a reaction out of me.
The pink haired woman flinched and suddenly she was crying like a crazy with her heart trying to get out from her agitated chest through her hurting throat and she was trembling in so much pain that it was physical right now. She cried and sobbed like a wounded animal trying to calm herself and reason with her head, but her heart was way too hurt and disappointed, and her anger and pain were too strong to handle at the same time. She tried to get away from the damn cursed place but it took her all her will and the little logical and cold thought that she could find inside her torturing mind to turn her back to the cave and start walking through the damn cursed woods that now seemed like and endless puzzle, an impossible labyrinth to conquer to her shattered soul. She walked fast through the natural paths of her surroundings not giving attention where she landed a foot or if she was going to crash with a tree. Her green eyes were full with tears flowing without end soaking her pale face and preventing her to really see well in front of her. She was doing a major effort to keep walking when her body shook still without permission in unison with her loud crying and despairing sobbing. Just to get away from there, from them, that were all inside her mind know, not minding if she wasn't taking the right direction to Konoha. She knew she couldn't go back like this, not looking like this, not broken like this. Just to keep walking ahead, not turning back not glancing back, not following the ideas her mind gave her just remembering them there hugging and kissing, not following the thoughts her head pictured imagining them inside that cave totally naked and making love like if nothing in the world mattered. She didn't want to think anymore about it, she didn't want to dwell in it anymore and start asking herself questions about that woman who had obtained what she couldn't all these years and after all she had done for him. Now she couldn't really sit down and start thinking deeply in what this discovery meant and all the things that came along with it, not now, not now when she was suffering like if she had a terminal disease and her troubled and traitorous mind couldn't reconcile with her tortuous heart.
For how long she walked through the woods? She didn't know. She didn't know either what path she had chosen and if it was going to take her to her village or to somewhere else. She had stopped finally her incessant and unplanned path when she had seen her own image reflecting back in the calm waters of a small river in front of her tired and throbbing feet. She stood there staring back at her own image looking how messy her pink hair looked, how pale she was, how her body trembled slightly and her clothes looked awful and wrinkled. And for the first time in all the time it had passed, that she didn't have an idea how long it had been, an unexpected thought crossed her mind and made her chuckle sadly. I look like crap. She even laughed a little with pained and puffy red eyes but the laugh immediately died and her eyes filled with tears again and soon she was staring at her image crying despairingly in front of her blurred vision. And she suddenly snapped.
Screaming in emotional and mental agony she fell on her knees and fought against the waters that couldn't respond to her attack and only danced with her fists, she fought against the ground where she had landed and the ground responded scratching and hurting her naked fists. She screamed and cried, sobbed and yelled, straight to the sky above and straight to the ground beneath her, trying to trap the playful water that instead soaked her and mixed with her endless, pure and painful tears. He was there with her. They were together. She had him as she would never have him. The jealousy burned deep within her soul and ate her heart torturing her mind with graphical pictures that tore her completely apart. Right now all she felt was jealousy and anger, sadness and disappointment, despair and sorrow. Why? Why it was her and not she? What Sasuke had found in that woman that she had always lacked? Why he couldn't try a little to love her, to like her? Why he couldn't make an effort after all that he had done to her? Why he couldn't care for her just out of the story that was between the both? Was she just the toy she had always thought to please him and entertain him, to pleasure him when he needed it?
That was all, she thought as the anger rose above her jealousy and suffering. How could he come to her after staying with this unknown woman to just use her in those moments of empty passion? In the moments when they had been so intimately close, having sex or sharing romantic little moments, was he thinking in her? Was she her replacement in his mind and heart? Did his hands touch her believing it was that other woman? Did his lips get satisfied kissing her when they looked for the ones belonging to that woman? How long had he been seeing her and visiting her, how long had he been with her while he played the game she had started out of stupidity and useless pathetic love? She cried and cried harder and painfully as her body was loosing the little strength it had left and she remained there sitting on the ground with blurred vision and a hurting and burning throat trying to conceal yells and screams of utter pain. Suddenly her head started to make connections that only worsened her emotional state. Was this woman the reason why he left Konoha since years ago? Was his little and unexpected trips disguises to come to see her and love her? Surely that was the plain and crushing truth. Sasuke had been coming to see her since a long time ago and his secrecy and absences not explained were the proof. And she had thought stupidly that he was doing something to heal himself! That he was trying to be cured for Miyu's sake! But they had been together even before they had gotten married, even when they had gotten married… even when he was with her on Suna… he had gone away too when they were at the Land of Wind under Gaara's care. Everything started to click on her head with fatal resignation and aching resolve. He had never stopped visiting this woman in all these long months, probably he was with her when she slept with Sasuke for the first time, when she had ended knocked up, and she had been such a idiot surrendering to him and giving him her purity and love, not knowing all this, not really imagining, not really expecting it. Of course she had thought that Sasuke one fine day could find someone whom he would really like and probably love, a woman of his choice, but she had never thought that it was going to be like this. Not like this, with him cheating on her, using her, and she playing stupidly the game of the perfect and nice home, family and married couple. This wasn't what she had expected from it, not this, not this way, not being betrayed so cruelly, so freaking damn cruelly, not like this… it would have happened inside her head when they were separated at least after failed attempts to save their marriage and family, after she was sick and tired of the pretending and the silent longing, after she had said stop to this nonsense she had started on her own. Not like this, not when they had been together for the first time, when she had gotten pregnant of Miyu, when they were already married and living as a family, not like this, not this way.
Her blurred and puffy red eyes fumed in anger wondering if this woman had already met their daughter. Could Sasuke be capable of bringing Miyu to meet her when he had taken her in secrecy that time? Only remembering altered her, feeling again the despair and ache of not knowing where her baby was, but now she was looking at it with a new light. What if Sasuke had taken Miyu to come and see this woman? Could he really dare to do such a thing, a thing that he should have known that it would hurt her deeply and irremediably? IF that was true, what the hell was he thinking? Why he didn't do a freaking damn thing to let her know about this woman of him? Was he a coward who didn't dare to upset her or confront her, or was he just so freaking cold and indifferent towards her that he didn't care a little her opinion and her feelings? Could Sasuke really have done something as hurting as that? Bringing here their daughter to meet his lover? His real and true love, the woman with whom he was right now surely kissing and caressing, feeling her skin and looking into her eyes, making love…
She shook her head brusquely still crying profoundly with a deep painful frown. Stop thinking in that, stop it you fool! It's useless, it's worthless! There's nothing good in torturing yourself! How many times you looked for her in me, Sasuke? Why you didn't have the guts to tell me the truth? Why you played this pathetic and useless game of forming a family together? Were you really so scared of being held captive and away from Miyu? Did she let you marry me even if she was the secret? Did she love you so much to let you be with the lame idiot girl that had loved you like a mad since we were children? Did she love you as I do despite everything you have done to me to leave you stay with that imbecile pink haired annoying supposedly woman playing at the nice home with the happy family?
She chuckled sadly and suffering. Of course, she must love you like a mad, just like me, what other way it could be? You're the kind of man that could create that cursed love within women's heart. You and only you, with your enigmatic personality that enchanted us unfortunately for us, with your beauty in every little single damn detail, with your silky black hair and your onyx pretty eyes, pale skin and strength and confidence whirling you around… how could she not love you like this little poor thing does? Why you couldn't be sincere with me? If only you had told me the truth I would have understood it, I would have distant myself and let you be happy, and god dammit I would have even helped you to obtain happiness with her! Even if it wasn't me… but for your happiness and peace of mind… I could have done it if only you would have been honest with me since the beginning… even if I had gotten pregnant with your child, I would have separate my way from yours… and that's why I cannot forgive you now… and I cannot forgive myself either…
She cried and sobbed totally drained and calmly this time, feeling still the anger boiling within her tattered soul. Yes, she was angry for all the theories her crazy mind had elaborate after this discovery and hurt her beyond comprehension, but the sadness was bigger, the disappointment was stronger, the suffering were unbearable. The little hope that the part of her heart that was still lingering thinking possible a miracle that could bring them together finally one day had shattered into tiny little pieces that disappeared and couldn't be repaired anymore. She felt the rage of feeling being used and betrayed, for not being seeing worthy after all she had done for him, for not being cared enough for him after all she had sacrificed for him, for not being ever taken in account to be that woman. But she was sorrowful and broken because at the end she wasn't her and she had always known it. She had agreed in living a lie and fake and pretend, she had proposed it, and she had to confront the consequences of her actions. She was sad because he had never really seen her. She couldn't forgive the Sasuke it had formed within the realm of her pained mind where her questions and connections brimmed intensely, if he had done that or this, all that, she couldn't forgive it because he had acted so cruelly towards her. He hadn't had the tiniest consideration then towards her after all she had done for him and she wasn't using those actions as an excuse to make him pay somehow, but she was a damn human being! She was a damn woman who hadn't done anything wrong to him except loving him truly and deeply! She didn't deserve this, not this, not this way, just the plain truth, without lies and pretense; she could have been strong enough to deal with it face to face, but not this dirty secret play, not this, and not this way. She didn't feel that she deserved this cruelty from Sasuke.
That was what she couldn't forgive him. The intentional and well thought hurting that he was going to bring to her, the suffering with a purpose, and the pain in the heart that wouldn't ever go away. That was not fair, Sasuke-kun… you didn't play nice Sasuke… and she couldn't forgive herself for her stupidity and weakness to never try to stand up and stop the feelings that had created her actions and had taken her to this point, she couldn't forgive herself for not standing up for her own and for not trying to live her life without him, just letting him be Miyu's father, but just that, not giving a chance to other options, not opening up to other possible futures, not wanting to see beyond him, not wanting to be without him not matter what. I'm to blame too in this mess… and I should have stopped this nonsense when I knew that it wasn't right… but I was to weak to say goodbye to him… to try to leave outside his shadow… and now I'm being forced to do it not matter what. She sobbed calmly with face filled with hurting resignation, contained anger and powerful melancholy. I wish I could hate you but I cannot bring myself to feel it… it's strange, you know? Am I so damaged that I cannot feel hatred for what you have done to me unconsciously and with total conscience? Am I so broken beyond repair that I cannot feel hatred towards you, the one that had broken me so many times and in so many different ways? Is there something wrong with me to just feel anger and sadness for this ultimate act of hurt that you had imposed on me?
She couldn't bring herself to remember once again everything and ponder every single situation shared with him like she had been doing since their story had become one with Miyu's birth. Not again, she resolved and chastised herself shocking vigorously her head and with burning and abundant tears falling from her emerald misted eyes. She wasn't in the mood and she simply couldn't be trapped again in the reminiscing of their old memories and past, analyzing everything over and over when she had done it several times already, it was enough, it was cleared and thought, and she couldn't keep herself doing the same not really going forwards and taking decision about it. How much time she had taken thinking over the same old issue tormenting her heart and consuming her soul, making a mess of her mind? It was enough, wasn't it? What good she could find in meditating about the same old thing time after time and getting to the same old conclusions and the same logical resolutions? Right now it was just enough and it was pointless and even masochistic to try to find something new in something that it was going to end always the same old way. That was the plain slapping truth and she understood it and accepted it. No anymore inner painful monologues that played inside her head when she was around her friends or in the solitude of her work or home, no anymore. No more discoveries that were residing in her just under dust of forced ignorance and faked bliss. She had always known the truth, right? All about her musings and debates against herself and about herself concerning Sasuke, all about this cursed hopeless love, all about the path she had chosen so willingly. What else she could find in revisiting the same feelings and thoughts? What she could gain for it? She was already suffering like an idiot and like a mad right now. Was there something else bigger than this anticipated disillusion? Was there something else stronger than this everlasting sadness? Was there something else deeper than this unwanted anger and betrayal? The value he hadn't given to her and what she had done all this time, the worth she didn't have in his eyes to at least not deserve this, the respect her title as the mother of his child and supposed wife should be giving her. So it was useless to be now thinking all the pondering she had done back at Suna for example, thanks to Shikamaru and Temari's marriage. She chuckled sadly with blurred orbs and sarcastic look. It's pointless anymore. All was said and done.
The medic nin sighed deeply still sobbing and crying calmer this time and stood up quietly with lost look. It was time to go back home. She started to walk with decided and weak pace taking the right path to Konoha and didn't notice that someone had been watching her from the distance covered under the shadows of the tall leafy trees.
She knew that there was something wrong with her friend. As she exchanged looks with the mother of her best friend she knew that she wasn't the only one noticing it. She kept quiet as she stared worried and confused at the pink haired woman packing her husband's things with the help of the utterly concerned and shocked mother of her.
"Sakura"
The blonde called her name finally taking some steps forward with serious expression. Sakura blinked and sighed deeply but didn't say anything. Her mother glanced between Ino and Sakura asking silently for an explanation.
"What's going on forehead girl?" Ino cautiously asked coming over to the bed where Sakura was packing Sasuke's things. "Why are you packing Sasuke's belongings? Something happened between you both?"
Ino stared worriedly at her friend who didn't answer back and was like a robot packing with lost look imprinted on her eyes.
"What's going on Sakura?" Her mother questioned her with tender and concerned sweet voice after she folded some of Sasuke's clothes. "You came to me asking me to take care of Miyu but didn't explain yourself very well and then you disappeared from the village for long hours. Since you came back you've been acting strangely, like a zombie, and just after I brought Miyu to you, you took a shower, ate something and slept a couple of hours and started to pack Sasuke's things. You had barely spoken and you seem so out of yourself, honey." The older woman smiled kindly and sadly landing a hand on Sakura's shoulder and forcing her gently to stop her automatic motion and turn to look at her. "What happened? Did you have an argument with Sasuke? Is he going somewhere?"
Ino waited patiently and worried watching Sakura knowing that there was something wrong in the scene and her sudden and unexplained behavior. She had been called by Sakura's mom and Ino had immediately come over when the woman had told her how her friend looked after her return. Ino, like her other friends, especially Naruto, had wondered confused why Sakura had gotten out of the village without saying anything to anyone, and wondered where she could have possibly gone. Then it had gotten to them that Sasuke was absent from Konoha too and they couldn't find him either. They had kept the unusual behavior of the couple in secrecy not wanting to cause trouble to their friends but the worry and ignorance had bothered them all the while they hadn't gotten news about them. Personally Ino felt that Sakura was somehow tossing Sasuke out of her house and she wondered what he could have possibly done to make her act so drastically. Then she wondered if it was really so drastically. They hadn't been really a couple ever, sadly to recognize it, and somehow she had expected unfortunately that one fine day Sakura was going to snap about her situation of living inside a loveless marriage. She didn't exactly know if the others had realized how the things really were between Sasuke and her, but she at least had noticed but didn't say anything for respect to her friend's effort. Hinata, Tenten and Temari had said some commentaries about it that gave her the idea that they had realized somehow and perhaps in some degree how the situation was in the Uchiha home but they hadn't talked about it due to their own busy lives and for respect to their privacy. Now she felt a little guilty and she knew the others were going to feel the same way knowing that probably they could have done something to help Sakura out and they hadn't done anything not wanting to intrude or meddle in their life, a reason respectable, but not felt at heart for any of them completely. She had only talked it with Naruto because he was Sasuke's best friend and Miyu's godfather, and with Sai who was her boyfriend. If the others were totally clueless, she didn't have idea. Her mind now was making up reasons good enough to compensate Sakura's sudden behavior and every reason just was more concerning and alarming than the last one.
"I'm packing Sasuke's things because I don't want him here." Sakura said finally with monotone and tired voice and crystal eyes lost in thought that didn't in fact connect to the ones of her own mother. Ino flinched frowning and imagining the worst scenario while the older woman frowned in deep confusion and preoccupation. "I'm going to separate from Sasuke. He's been cheating on me." She said with an ironic and melancholic smirk that filled her green orbs once again with unshed tears. The two listeners flinched in unison surprised by her words and with their confusion clarifying little by little. "Sasuke has an affair. He loves another woman who is not me. So it's pointless to go on with this little play. The show is over."
Sakura smiled weakly with some tears rolling down her cheeks and she resumed to her job being done after crossing a pleading look with her mother and her friend. Ino was speechless analyzing her explanations through the direct words and the cracking voice of her friend and kept silent noticing what was behind Sakuras's pleading eyes: understanding and respect. Please don't ask me. She watched touched and worried how her mother wrapped her arm around Sakura's shoulders and hugged her quietly with crystal eyes. The pink haired woman closed her eyes for a moment and stopped her automatic actions and let herself get lost in the gentle and supporting embrace silently crying with resignation and suffering impossible to hide completely. Ino took one of her hands in hers in a way to try to console her friend and show her care and support too and Sakura just smiled grateful and saddened tightening the grab and opening her eyes for seconds to look at the blue eyes of Ino before closing her puffy swollen eyes again. The blonde didn't dare to ask anymore just as her friend had asked of her even when her mind was brimming with demanding questions and her anger raise against the one responsible for Sakura's suffering. How could Sasuke have done this to her? Why he wasn't clear and had separated from her before going around with other woman? Why he had to cheat and lie? And then her mind was plagued by worse questions… How Sakura found out the truth? Had she seen it by first hand? Had she been expecting this from Sasuke in a little part inside of her? Dammit! It broke her to see Sakura like this! She didn't want to imagine Naruto's reaction about it fearing for him wanting to confront and kill Sasuke in not a literally way…
"She's so beautiful." Sakura started sitting down on the bed spacing out and looking at the distance. Her mother sat down beside her still wrapping her with an arm protectively. Ino stood in front of her friend listening sorrowful and deeply concerned and of course, fuming in anger and imaging a lot of horrible things against someone called Sasuke Uchiha. This had really surprised her; somehow she had always thought that Sasuke was some sort of strange and unique man who wouldn't ever fall in love. It was a weird thing to believe, but Ino had always thought it. He had never really showed some sort of real and deep interest in women or anyone else, to say something. "I'm going to divorce him. There's nothing else to do."
Sakura simply said after being absent in her own deep thoughts. Her mother nodded sadly and worried but Ino frowned.
"Are you going to talk to him about it?" Sakura just looked down. "Are you just going to stay with this pain and betrayal eating you alive? Come on Sakura! You need to release this from your chest! You cannot just throw him out of your house and life and not saying all he deserves!"
Sakura stared absently at her friend and Ino found her looking like if she was half asleep and not really thinking all she was saying. She sighed deeply and concerned.
"You need to talk to him before sending him to hell like he deserves. That's what I would do if Sai was the one cheating on me. Oh heaven forbid me to live something like that… poor Sai if he ever dares to do that to me! If you don't say everything that it's inside you and tell him all the damage he had caused to you, you're going to get nuts forehead girl, because that's how you are. Remember that day at the hospital when Miyu was still a baby and he came back? Do you remember how you acted and all you screamed to him? Didn't that help you to try to go on? Destroy the bastard!"
Ino threw a fist to the air in a very comical way that genuinely caused Sakura to weakly chuckle. Her mother was a little shocked and scandalized staring with big eyes at the blonde but then she smiled kindly and looked at her suffering daughter.
"Ino is right in not bottling up your feelings sweetie. You don't need to push him through a window again." Sakura couldn't help to chuckle again softly and roll her eyes wondering if she was going to be remembered for that forever. "But you cannot stay with it inside and you cannot live with it always trying to get out."
Sakura seemed to think deeply in what they were saying when the doorbell rang. Ino flinched caught off guard and Sakura's mother stared worriedly at her daughter who was stunned sitting down on her place.
"Oh crap! I forgot that I called Naruto. That must be him."
Ino rolled her eyes annoyed and then left the room to open the main door. Sakura smiled softly at her mother looking calmer than before and this one noticed the steady and new decision masking her green eyes. She was about to advice her daughter when both women heard noisy and hurried steps coming towards the room and the door opened with a loud bang. Ino was there breathing heavily and with serious frowned expression and looking pale.
Sakura POV
Ino tried to say something to me but she babbled and then I heard other pair of steps coming to the room and in question of seconds Naruto appeared behind her waving hello with his enthusiastic voice and his warm and big grin displayed on his face. But he wasn't alone. Someone else was behind Ino and besides Naruto and when I locked my eyes on him I couldn't help to be startled a little and remain staring speechless.
Sasuke looked into my eyes with that way he only has, the way that had swallowed me every time his onyx orbs trapped my emerald ones until this day.
I caught mother's uneasiness about his presence and the quickness with she turned to me staring with big worried and shocked eyes. I understood then Ino's behavior too, she had tried to warn me about his presence in the house but Naruto and he had been quicker than her voice and her brain surely had been trying to deal with the situation. There was an uneasy and sharp silence among all of us for a little moment in time in which I recalled all that I had learned finally about that husband of mine. My feelings and thoughts came to my head storming off and my soul cried in silent suffering. My heart was beating painfully within my chest. I tried to control my breathing and the tears I could feel forming in my eyes. I had cried enough for this and I was sure that these tears were more than anything from anger than sadness. Probably I had dealt in a better way with the sadness and now it was just a thick heavy curtain covering me. But my anger was there still trying to get out through every pore of my skin that it hurt. I frowned with serious and tired pale expression and soon Naruto was the first one noticing that something was off in the room and he stared absently at the packing.
"Are you planning to go somewhere Sasuke?"
He turned to him a little confused but not really catching it. I mentally chuckled knowing once more why it had taken Hinata so long for him to see her really. He could be so distracted sometimes. Sasuke seemed caught off guard by his question and he looked finally studying the situation being held within the room. He furrowed his brow and fixed his stare on me with that demand he always had and could have melted me before. But not now.
"Come on, Naruto."
Ino cut in calmer and in control of herself again and I realized that she had sensed my mood and was glad for it. She nodded to me and then took Naruto by his arm and pulled him out of the room almost forcefully.
"Hey! What the hell…?"
I heard Naruto mutter and soon my mother excused herself and left too leaving me sitting down on the bed and Sasuke standing on the doorframe still wearing the same old expression of him. It took me another moment of silence to gather strength and stood up firm and decided. Listening to Ino and my mother I knew they were right, I couldn't stay quiet and just throw him out from home without venting out my feelings. I was so tired and heartbroken that I had chosen to just babble the fact to him and throw him out, not words more than the necessary, not a discussion, not crying despairingly in front of him. But I couldn't keep this pain he had caused me in the fabricated quietness of my heart because it was killing me. I couldn't believe and I didn't want to think that he was so cold to not really have a little remorse or appreciation towards me after all I had done for him. Was it wrong of me to want this? Did I sound pathetic? To hell with it. I had been in that place for so long, didn't I? Why should I start worrying about it till now? I was in all my right to reclaim him and scream my heart out to him, I was someone in his damn freaking life even if he didn't recognize it or didn't give it credit. Enough with it, I was sick and tired and exhausted from the journey and my head pumped painfully and my body ached. I didn't need to push him through a window this time, even when my most wounded inner self wanted so badly to do it, I just needed to tell him how I felt. Just a short and heartfelt conversation between a married couple that had reached their limit and was sadly ready to say goodbye.
"I want you out." I started staring straight at his eyes without quivering anymore. He frowned deeper and more confused not really understanding from where I was coming from. "I want the divorce. So you can live your life as you want, as you have been living it." I continued with steady and calm voice as my hands clutched together and I fidgeted with my fingers in a way to support myself. "I know it Sasuke."
He seemed to not really catch it and entered the room and for a brief instance I weakened thanks to his damn power over me. Damn his magician's tricks, but I recovered quickly and I managed to gesture to him to stop his advance on me. We were separated now from an about a meter or a little more than that. I wanted so badly to demand him to speak now that it was so damn necessary but I couldn't, the part of me that still loved him and cared about his well being held me prisoner against that wish.
"I know it Sasuke… I know about that woman, the one you visit in your escapes from the village and the one you… love." The last word was so hard to say that it almost pierced my voice but I stood my ground. I blinked the unshed bitter tears away. His black perfect eyes opened completely in utter shock after he realized what I was telling him. I know your dirty little secret. He was really surprised and since a long time I hadn't seen that truthful expression written all over his handsome face. So, he hadn't really expected me to know it, right? That fact only increased my anger. "I followed you this last time and watch the both of you being so caring to each other. Why Sasuke? Why you didn't inform me somehow that she existed?"
I was ready to not let him have his way this time. No Sir, not this time. I frowned deeper and seriously with the anger and the hurt of betrayal finally being expelled like transparent smoke from my body. He collected himself at last and sighed deeply staring at me with that note that told me how mad he was for my spying. Sorry Sir, but plainly I don't care anymore. You cannot be as mad as I am now. I narrowed my eyes knowing that my face showed clear suffering but that wasn't the feeling ruling me now. And I felt the coming of a snap taking over me.
"DON'T dare to reclaim me in any way for my actions. DON'T DARE." I said with my body going rigid with tension. "I'm glad for what I did because I finally understood everything." My voice cracked and I silenced myself to recover for a couple of seconds. "Why? Why Sasuke? Why you played this game of our marriage and home when you had someone else? Why you didn't object to this mad and pathetic plan of me? Why you let it go to this point, dammit?" Now I was raising my voice. He towered over me and kept his still and decided stance, standing there in front of me frowning and furrowing his brow with death serious expression so unreadable as always. How could I not be tired and sick of it? How could I love to live in this unknown territory of not being able to read him ever? "Why? Do you really dislike me so much to hurt me this way? Do you really think that I wasn't going to discover your lover ever? Do you hate me, yes, even when I cannot really and I don't want really to believe it, so much to play with me all this time? TELL ME WHY!" I was now gesturing my pain and my breathing didn't obey me anymore and my weak voice was creaking and my stupid eyes were watering against all my pride and dignity. "I had always known that you don't love me and that you won't do it ever, believe me, I had always known it, and I've been beside you in some way or other despite that, despite the way it makes me look to myself and to others, because all I had done just this freaking years was loving you!"
I spit out the last words to him staring directly at his face with shaking voice, eyes and soul. I couldn't help to sob but I wasn't done yet.
"All I had done is loving you like a mad, like a stupid, like a pathetic girl, I had forgiven you, I had given you second chances, I had sacrificed for you, I had protected you, I HAD SIMPLY LIVED FOR YOU! ONLY FOR YOU!" I paused clearly crying freely now and with broken voice that didn't stop me from keep talking and acting the way my heart demanded. "I HAVE LOVED YOU! DO YOU SEE IT? DID YOU SEE IT ONCE? I'm not asking you to love me! I'm asking you to have a little respect for this cursed feeling I had for you! I'm reclaiming you for not giving it a little importance to spare me from this useless game we've been playing like a normal human being would do! Like a real man would do! It would have been enough for me just knowing from you in some way that you were with someone else! I would have understood it! I would have tried to free myself from your influence! I would have let you be happy with her! Why you could never really notice me a little? Just a little to not break me like this, to not hurt me, to not play with my feelings… to stop hoping and expecting and wishing! Why you were such a…. I don't freaking know how to call you!... to spare me from this pain eating me alive? Do you see the pity I feel for myself? How much I despise myself for loving you despite everything? How much I cannot understand about myself and justify about my actions when you're involved? You chose to stay with me and keep the act up! That's what I cannot forgive you! That's what it really hurts here" I pointed strongly to my chest, straight to the spot where my heart was beating its way out. "inside me… not the fact that you don't love me because I had always known it and I had got used to that certain pain."
I paused briefly sobbing loudly and trying to control my shaking and uneven breathing.
"You weren't fair and you played dirty with me, Sasuke… I didn't deserve this from you, this build up show, and this illusionary hopeful scenery… I didn't deserve it… dammitt! You never really considered me a bit to at least have more value and worth in your world and inside your head… and I'm tired and sick of it… and I'm not going to keep it up… it's enough, Sasuke…"
I was so drained after my speech that the last words went out more in whispers than words. I was crying and sobbing and shaking and I couldn't get a grip on myself and I wasn't facing him now. I couldn't right now. Sasuke tried to reach out to me and grab me gently by the arms surely wanting to calm me but that act of him snapped something within me and I reacted aggressively pushing brusquely his perfect hands away.
"DON'T DARE TO TOUCH ME!" I started sneering and fuming in anger that came from true and plain hurt and when he tried to do it again with that condescending expression all over his face I only got angrier. I slapped him twice, each one in each cheek with all the strength I could gather then and the slapping sounded horribly loud in the silence of the room only interrupted by my crying and sobbing. He stumbled due to the strength imprinted in the slaps and I could see proudly how much it took him to keep his balance and not fall on the floor. A trail of blood came out from his nose and it was then that I realized I had really hit him hard, more specifically harder than I had guessed. The blood liquid warned me and somehow cooled me off and I couldn't help to feel a little guilty and ashamed of myself. All the remaining things that were within me somehow were shaken for this and I lost track of my charade. I was left to look like a gaping fish dying outside the ocean for a moment. Soon I heard myself crying and sobbing not knowing what to do with my mighty hands that hurt and burned after having slapping him so strongly. "Don't touch me with the hands that had caressed her and loved her in a way you won't ever do to me." I said saddened and broken. Why did I have to say that? Why did I have to sound so pathetic and like if I was begging him to do the same to me? What the hell was wrong with me? "I don't want you anymore in my house, I don't want you anymore in my life, it's just too painful to stand!" I sobbed higher and my voice broke and I couldn't help to cover my eyes with my shaking palms. My whole body was shaking from despair, suffering and disillusion. I was so disappointed, my hopes had gone down the drain, my useless dream had been destroyed, I couldn't keep waiting for him to notice me, to like me, to love me… now more than ever everything fell in place within the hurricane of thoughts I had inside my head, now more than ever I really understood what all this discovery meant, this dirty little secret meant, what it had done to me, to my family, to my home. I had always known that it wasn't perfect and it wasn't complete or totally real, but it meant something for me, it meant everything to me, and now I knew that my husband hadn't been sincere with me and had been cheating on me. I never expected something like this from him, this disrespectful and cruel act from him. I heard myself crying quietly and desperately and I simply didn't have the strength I needed to say all the things that I was holding back still inside my mourning soul. I wanted to yell and scream so many things to him but I simply couldn't anymore. Probably if I kept like this I could only end looking a lot more pathetic than I was looking right now. I needed to have a little control and dignity, wasn't that what I needed? I couldn't really get a grip on how I should be acting when my heart was crashing without any way to stop it. I tried to calm myself and when I finally lowered my shaking pale hands from my weeping face and I glanced saddened and still angered at him I knew that I couldn't be in the same room with him anymore or I was risking myself too high. The most part of myself was dying to hold him and never let him go despite all he had done and could still do to hurt me, but I needed to fight it because it wasn't good and healthy for me, and I couldn't just be with him like if nothing happened and she didn't exist. I had to stop it right now and there. "I want the divorce…" I sputtered between sobs and tears as he watched me with serious and frowning expression. I wondered what he was feeling and thinking, as usual, and that darkened my mood. "It's over. Get out."
I sighed deeply and showed a hard expression and finally I was able to control my tears and sobbing and I was at least a little proud of myself for it. Later I would have time to scold and reprimand myself, or even console and cheer me up. Now I just needed this warlock of mine to disappear before I fell stupidly under his spell. I could see him by the corner of my blurred jade eyes staring paralyzed at me. I didn't know if he was shocked due to this unexpected confrontation I had started or if I was reading him wrongly as I had been doing a major part of my life with him. Either way it didn't matter anymore and I was exhausted and tired and sick and I just wanted to be alone and not have him there a few meters away from me, I wanted to lay in bed and stay there till I could pick up myself after healing my shattered and lonely heart. I had Miyu to think of, and I wasn't going to lose my mind for a long time when she needed me strong and healthy. I didn't have the right to lose myself in depression, not even if I didn't have a precious daughter to care of and love. Sasuke wasn't worthy, anyone wasn't worthy that. But I was a woman in love who had been betrayed and I couldn't deny me a little time to cry my heart out in misery and sorrow. I waited for him to take his belongings and exit the room and the house, but instead he surprised me, like he could do it yet despite my little knowledge of his behavior and approached me and taking me by the arms in a gentle but strong grip he pulled me against his chest and kissed my lips. I was stunned and shaken because of this unexpected and unforeseen act of him and I was so shocked that I stood there helplessly and rigid with my eyes opened and almost popping out of my skull in utter amaze. Was he really kissing me? I could feel his soft and delicious lips softly and demanding caressing mine in a very sweet and passionate way at the same time. It took me probably a few seconds to realize what he was doing and why it should bother me and made me to lose my temper. After the shock for having him holding me in that way and kissing me my heart started to flutter controlled by it and my mind lose against it for a very brief period of time in which I just enjoyed it and I really wanted it to last and to just forget everything. But then my mind wasn't tricked anymore by his antics and the hurt and sadness washed over my soul again and my heart ached in agony. So I really lost my temper and my fury came in flames and I pushed him away firmly almost making him to stumble after I slapped him hardly on the cheek. I tried to not do it like the first time, I didn't want to break his nose or something, that wasn't the point and it won't make me feel better but just worse, and I stared at him totally shocked, confused and furious.
"How dare you? What do you think I am? What do you think you are? How could you dare to kiss me when you just came back from kissing another woman? How can you do this to me? WHY SASUKE? Why are you so cruel to me? Why do you want to hurt me so badly, to punish me for just loving you honestly? Why…?"
I leaned forward shaking violently in anger and with tears in my eyes, tears born from anger and disbelief. Did I really know this man, I wonder? When he became so cynical? I frowned pointing at the door with tears rolling down my already wet cheeks.
"GET OUT."
I said with deathly serious voice controlled by will power. He had regained his composure after the slapping and pushing away and stared at me blankly with frowning expression and lips in a tight line. His onyx eyes looked different for a couple of seconds but I didn't care anymore. Probably the stupid part of me was still trying to make this mess right, to find something worthy, and to have something to feed the hope. Sasuke's expression softened till it was nothing more than his common usual façade and I had to face his burning gaze on me without weakening and bent over crying in misery. His cheeks were slightly red due to the slapping but he had dried the blood coming out from his nose even before he had dared to kiss me. He didn't look as awful as I had seen him the first time I had slapped him and that guiltily make me feel glad. I was so stupid to care about his well being even after all. He didn't take his belongings that I had packed and were ready on the bed and just turned around after casting a last long and straight look on me and walked towards the opened door with firm and steady pace. I folded my arms against my throbbing chest keeping my sobbing to myself even if the tears keep rolling down and I looked the other way waiting him to go. He stopped on the doorframe and glanced back at me just when I was looking askance at him and for a moment I thought he was going to say something, when I looked at his lips moving and my heart was caught in my throat. I really wanted him to say something but I knew what prize he would have to pay and I couldn't really find enough fury within me to cause him that kind of harm. But he appeared to desist in it and just left the room in his now eternal quietness. When I couldn't watch his back anymore I couldn't help to start crying again but not with anger or fury this time, just utter and total despair and sadness. I had thought many times before in ending this marriage because it was the right thing to do for all of us, but I had never expected to do it for a reason like this and in this hurtful way. Not shouting and discussing.
I sat down on the bed as I cried freely my heart out and I covered my face with my hands letting everything to catch up with me. It was undeniable not to do it anyway. I had lost the little part I had had of the love of my life, the prince of my dreams, the husband I always wanted, and I had to dealt with the meaning of his soon and abrupt absence of my life.
Ino POV
I had to explain everything to Naruto when I had gotten him out of the room. Sakura's mom soon followed my lead but she decided to pick up Miyu from Kurenai-sensei's house where she was spending time with Asuma-chan. She looked as distressed as me and Sakura, and truly concerned and anxious. I had to restrain Naruto after he had listened to me from bursting into the room and beat Sasuke up into a pulp, and I had to force him to understand that this was a matter of the both, Sasuke and Sakura, and we couldn't meddle right now. So he waited with me with that expression that is so rare to see in him for us, his friends, that serious and angry face, that confused and shocked face, and we both waited sitting silently on the living room of the Uchiha home concerning over the couple arguing in one of the rooms of the house. I was as angry as Naruto was for Sasuke's cheating and lying, and I could understand Sakura's viewing over all this. It was not the fact that he didn't love her that had really broken her and hurt her like this, it was the act of playing with her feelings that had done that. The secrecy. Sasuke hadn't been sincere with her about his love life and that was what Sakura couldn't forgive. Was he really such a coward to marry her and live with her fearing the Council's actions having already someone in his life? I was musing over this entire painful and surprising situation when after a long moment Naruto and I heard someone coming and we watched Sasuke appearing by the hall. We both stood up immediately tense and stressed out and I realized that Sakura had slapped him. Good, he deserved it. But he was looking calm and collected as always and that angered me. I could see Naruto trembling out of anger and confusion just as Sasuke walked towards the main door without really noticing us. I buffed and frowned annoyed by his attitude and Naruto called him with serious and controlled voice. He was using all his will to not go and beat him right then and there.
"Why you did it, Sasuke?" Naruto asked hissing and fuming out of himself. "Why you cheated on Sakura? What the hell is wrong with you?"
Sasuke stopped abruptly but didn't turn nor did anything to respond to Naruto's yelled questioning. I sighed deeply expecting something like this from him but it really didn't lessen the anger and disappointment I felt. Sakura didn't deserve this, not when she had done so much for him. At least he should have respected that. Naruto took a few steps towards Sasuke in a dangerous and fighting way but after closing his eyes a couple of seconds and taking a deep breathe when he opened his blue eyes he looked a lot calmer even when his expression was deathly serious. I knew that Naruto was trying to keep control and not act impulsively. He had to be very affected by this; after all, we were talking about the two persons he was the closest to and his former team. He cared a lot about the both and he was in the middle of their situation. I couldn't help imagining in what state Sakura was right now and that clutched my heart.
"Sakura doesn't deserve this. I cannot blame you for not returning her feelings, even when I think you're an idiot and stupid for not doing it, but the heart wants what it wants, but I cannot stay silent when you don't have even a little of respect for her feelings and all she had done for you, something you had let her done for you, anyway." That was very true. Sasuke had agreed in marrying her to keep him safe and protect him, he could have said no but he hadn't. He had agreed in sharing his life with her despite the saddest fact that he didn't love her and just for agreeing into it he had the obligation to at least respect her, so I thought like Naruto. Why he couldn't at least do something as little as that? If he wanted another woman he could have informed my friend of it and everything had just ended in the better way, even if Sakura had ended with a broken heart but she would have known the truth. "You don't deserve to be loved for her. You don't deserve to have her love when you hadn't cherished her feelings, not returning them, but at least caring for them. Probably this is the better. At least you won't keep hurting her if you disappeared from her life."
Naruto sighed deeply again and I could see his furrowed brow and his fists balled tightly. He wanted to punch Sasuke and I could see it in his trembling and tense body. Sasuke finally turned around and looked at us with defiant and cold gaze. It seemed that Naruto snapped finally and he couldn't control himself anymore and punched him hardly in a second. I screamed out of surprise and Sasuke flew through the room and crashed against the wall. His nose was bleeding. I stayed wide eyed staring between the two men worried and angry. He surely deserved it for hurting my friend like that and I was glad that Naruto had finally acted even when I knew that violence wasn't the solution but it really felt right and I couldn't deny it. Naruto remained still and staring down at Sasuke with fists balled tightly yet and intense furious blue orbs. In another time probably he would have gone on screaming and beating him into a pulp but somehow I knew that this time Naruto was angrier than ever. He was deeply hurt for what Sasuke had done to Sakura and it was in such a way that his control and seriousness was ten times worse than his impulsiveness and screaming. I was concerned staring at him noticing this and I suddenly felt the sadness that this discovery had caused not only in Sakura but in Naruto too. Sadness for my friend who hadn't attained what she had always wanted with all her soul. For knowing that she was crying with her heart broken into million of pieces. Sasuke got up slowly with his hand against his face trying to control the bleeding and watching Naruto with cold demanding eyes. Somehow I could see something else in those eyes but I couldn't really relate what it was and frankly I gave a damn right now.
"Don't dare to hurt Miyu-chan in the same way you've been doing to her mother." Our blond friend said with serious and monotone voice and balled shaking fists. Naruto was deathly serious now and I looked at him worried and sympathetic. I could relate to his feelings but I knew that they probably were more intense when he had spent a major part of his life with Sasuke and Sakura than me. "Be a damn freaking good father to her. Don't dare to disappoint her or make her cry, Sasuke, don't even think about it, because I won't be as peaceful as I am right now."
Sasuke stared absently at Naruto for a couple of minutes before parting from the house that had been his home without giving us any clue of what he was feeling or thinking, as usual. I suddenly noticed that I was silently crying after my body had lost the tension. I sobbed covering my quivering chin with my hands and Naruto turned to me still looking serious but sadder and sorrowful and wrapped an arm around my shaking shoulders. I didn't exactly know why I was crying but I felt sad due to the situation. When I heard Naruto talking about Miyu I couldn't help to realize how this was going to affect her now or later and that clutched my heart. This little girl was going to know a lot as long as she was growing up and she was going to get hurt by it in some way or other. I tried to calm myself after I suffered that unexpected outburst as Naruto consoled me quietly and suffering in the privacy of his mind. We both remained there trapped in our inner world and wondering if someday Sakura was going to have the happy ending she and her daughter deserved and knowing that we were going to be there for the both till it came finally into their way where it seemed that Sasuke was out of the picture for good.
Naruto POV
The fact that the Uchiha marriage was falling apart soon was spread all around Konoha like the good gossiping did. I tried to be closer to Sakura than before and Hinata followed my lead sincerely concerned and sad for her. All of us were quite surprised and shocked still after knowing for first hand what had happened between Sasuke and Sakura. The people outside our circle didn't really know the details as us, they simply thought that the marriage wasn't real and true since the beginning and even when that angered us because it dragged the Council's attention back to not only Sasuke this time, but to Sakura too, it didn't really mattered when her suffering was more important than the stupid gossiping and murmuring. Right now Sakura's sake was the most important thing to us and we were truly baffled by Sasuke's actions and truth. When we were together and Sakura wasn't with us we couldn't help to discuss the situation and wonder about it angered and confused. How could I have not a clue about this woman of him? I felt angry with myself for not noticing any sign even when Hinata and Ino told me that it wasn't my fault but I couldn't help it. Dammit! Why Sasuke had to do this?
Sakura was really doing a great effort to be in one piece and keep doing her daily life and be strong to the world outside her. When she was with the girls she relaxed a little, Hinata said, and she was able to cry and mourn and be a little her own hurt self, something she surely desperately needed like any other would need in this kind of situation. Even when I was with her she did the same but I could understand that I wasn't Ino for example and I was happy and glad that at least she could vent out her feelings with me in some way even if it wasn't as deeper as it was with the girls. Somehow I sensed she didn't want me to decide who I supported in this, if she or Sasuke, but I assured her that it was her with whom I was because I felt it that way. Days went on and we all tried to be there, Sasuke disappeared from our life and Kakashi-sensei told us that he was living back at what remained of the old Uchiha household. That worried me a little, I had to confess, but I was so disappointed and hurt for his actions towards Sakura that I didn't try to go and see him and talk him to sense like other times. I needed time too, to look at him and talk to him not wanting so much to punch him and scream at him for his behavior. For Sakura's behalf we all decided to kept quiet about Sasuke's cheating on her, we didn't want her to be the joke around the village for it, we didn't want that for Miyu either. In that case it was better if everyone thought that their marriage had been fake since the beginning, something that it was true unfortunately to the end, so we let the people gave their own theories about it. I couldn't help to be sad and affected whenever I looked at Sakura and I noticed that she had been crying and that she was deeply hurt within but still I tried my best to make her feel better and make her smile and laugh even with my common sense of humor and an optimist that it was very hard to find in me these days. Having Hinata with me was a realm of strength and peace that helped me through it, to help my friend in need, and I dearly loved her for it and for a lot more. Kakashi-sensei was the only one who had tried to talk to Sasuke but of course, it had been useless because Sasuke hadn't listened to him. Tsunade-sama was brimming in fury but didn't meddle and respected Sakura's wishes to just let him be. Shizune was just as amazed and stunned like the rest of my friends, Gai-sensei and Kurenai-sensei couldn't believe it but they were more worried about Sakura and Miyu and Anko-san had exploded just like I would have done if I hadn't been so damn affected by it. Yamato-sensei had immediately started to investigate how the Council would react to this, it was his way to support and protect Sakura.
Right now I was waiting for Sakura and Hinata to go and grab a bite together. We had invited her to come with us when it was her lunch time at work and she had immediately accepted. Ino said that it was her way to go on and that she didn't want to be alone with her mind over thinking. We could understand that. Tomorrow she was going to go out shopping with the girls and I thought that was the best for her to do now, to try to get over this deep and wounding sadness and go on with her life little by little. Maybe the day after tomorrow we could convince her to go for dinner to Kiba's place.
I sighed worriedly as I waited for them to arrive to our dated spot and I kept reminding that moment with Sasuke. I couldn't believe him; I couldn't believe that he could be the cruel bastard some people talked of. It hurt me to think it and more believe it, he was my friend after all, I had done everything in my power to recuperate his friendship, to safe him from his own darkness, to help him to look to the future, and I hadn't done really anything to gain any of that in truth. What had happened to Sakura had made me wonder what I was for him in his world. Was I so replaceable, so little and unworthy to have a place in his life when Sakura was like this and she was more important than me?
"What are you doing here?"
Sakura's high pitched voice snapped me out of my deep thoughts and I frowned worried noticing the hurt in her words and tone. Immediately I looked around for her and Hinata and I found them in the middle of the way towards me standing and facing a third woman on the street. Fortunately there weren't a lot of people around in this area of the village and I stared serious and confused at them wondering what was going on. Hinata was holding Sakura back by her arms and looking deeply concerned at her and the other woman. Sakura was fuming in anger and hurt and stared shocked and half fighting my girlfriend's grip with tensed stance. I walked quickly over to them and I wrapped an arm around Sakura's shoulders in support and wanting to calm her. She seemed to feel it because she calmed down a bit but kept frowning serious and hurt at the other woman who watched then at me for a couple of minutes with total tranquility and serious expression. She had red hair and grey eyes and was beautiful but older than us. Something started to click inside my head when I noticed better the situation before my confused and serious eyes. This woman was…
"Sasuke is not longer with me. Go and look for him in other place." Sakura said finally sorrowful but with calm and I noticed that she hadn't sounded angered anymore and was trying to act maturely despite the way her eyes watered and her expression showed emotional pain. She looked somehow a little annoyed and a little blush had covered her cheeks for a couple of minutes. I wondered if she felt embarrassed for acting this way before I had calmed her down. "Go and find him." She paused briefly and gestured to us to free her and we did it immediately trusting that she was sure. She blinked sadly but resigned and turned around. "Make him happy."
Sakura said surprising Hinata and me for her honesty and the way her expression softened despite everything that was going on here. She loved Sasuke still and at the end she wanted the best for him, even if it was for another woman and not her. That crushed my heart and I wondered what she was really feeling and thinking to have said that to this unknown woman. Hinata and I exchanged concerned looks and Sakura started to walk the other way leaving the woman behind. We prepared to follow her but the woman sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a little moment before talking.
"Wait." She said with damn pretty voice. "I need to talk with you."
"I don't have anything to talk with you." Sakura answered immediately with fragile voice. I stared angrily at the woman, how could she ask that of Sakura when she was clearly destroying her with her presence here? Hinata took me by the hand obviously worried and trying to calm me in the same way I had done with Sakura moments before. "Please, don't insist."
Sakura tried to walk again but the woman this time caught her by her arm stopping her. I watched shocked and still angry at the woman and Hinata looked alarmed at Sakura's reaction.
"Let go of me."
Sakura demanded with furrowed brow and serious voice. She looked so drained and so resigned that it hurt me just staring at her like that. She had given up.
"No, till you listen to me."
Sakura chuckled sarcastically and weakly and tried to free herself from the woman's grip.
"I said, let go of me!"
She finally screamed with creaking voice after she couldn't get free and the woman obeyed sighing again with narrowed eyes and preoccupied face. I could see Sakura's blurred eyes and quivering lips and that angered me but when I was about to say something to this woman she talked first saying something that shocked all of us.
"Do you want to know how I met your husband? Do you want to know how he got sick? Do you want to know what his strange illness is? Do you want to know why he came to me?"
I stayed there wide eyed just as Hinata and Sakura and speechless. What was this woman saying? Sakura frowned between confusion and curiosity, still untrusting and serious. She didn't want any more hurt, I could see it, but what this woman was saying couldn't stop us from wondering about it. Sasuke…
"Wha… what are you… saying?"
Sakura could barely ask her coming forward to the woman with slow pace and demand. In her eyes she was demanding this woman to not play with her anymore. Hinata and I, still holding hands, exchanged looks between our friend and the unknown person in front of us saying things that were irremediably important to us. I faced her dead serious and warning her to not hurt Sakura.
"What you heard." The woman said after confronting my intense look. Her expression softened and she looked truly concerned and remorseful. "Do you want to know at least some part of what had happened to him? I can tell you."
My breathing was caught at my throat just as I could see it happened to Sakura. I waited beside Hinata to my friend to give a final answer as she decided it standing there frowning with firm green look of decision. What she would say?