Chapter 24:

After a few minutes Maribel came in the kitchen having a look of disbelief in her eyes. She was holding a piece of paper in one hand, her other hand covering her mouth.

"What's that?" I asked and gestured to what she was holding.

"He's gone."

"What do you mean 'he's gone'?" I asked and stood up. I went to her and took the paper that she was holding and watched my mother as she slowly went to sit at the table. I frowned at her upset face and looked down to read what the paper said.

I'm sorry,

The pressure was too much. I couldn't handle it anymore. So I left. I think it's the best for you and for me. You don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'm not strong enough to fight this monster that's been living inside of me for all these years. This monster that started to destroy not only myself but my family too. If I'm not with you, you won't have to sink with me.

Maribel, please forgive me, my love. I love you, you have to know that. I'm doing this for you, you took care of me for so long, so I'm taking this weight off your shoulders. So you can live your life without the dark that comes with me.

Santanita, mija, all I've always wanted was for you to be happy. I'm sorry I forced you to be happy according to my views. I'm truly sorry for what happened with Brittany, I hope she makes you happy, just like you deserve to be.

Mario, you've always been like a brother to me. Thank you for everything you've done for me and please take care of my family.

Antonio.

"I can't believe this." I mumbled and went to sit opposite Maribel. I was so tired of this situation, all I wanted was for the problem to be solved so we could all relax again. I wondered if Antonio was serious, believing that now that he was gone we would stop worrying about him. If it was that easy I would stop worrying a long time ago. I knew I should feel bad for thinking like that but I couldn't.

"What happened with Brittany?" Maribel asked me, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see that she was looking at me frowning. She looked so tired and way older than she should. I sighed and rubbed my face in frustration, still not believing that Antonio left thinking that things would be better.

"I think it's better if she tells you herself." I said and my mother nodded slowly at me. Just then my uncle came in the kitchen. He smiled when he saw me and winked at me while he put the bags that he was holding on the counter.

"What's going on?" He asked when he saw my mother's still upset face. Maribel got up and started putting away the groceries. I sighed and gave the letter that I was still holding to my uncle. He frowned but took it and sat next to me to read it. He was shaking his head while reading and when he finished he sighed in frustration. He pulled out his phone and shuffled on it before bringing it to his ear. I frowned questioningly at him. "Matt." He told me.

I sighed and nodded. If someone might have an idea where Antonio could be, it would be Matt. I turned to look at Maribel to find her leaning against the counter and shaking her head. I stood and went to her while my uncle started telling Matt what happened.

"It'll be fine, we'll find him." I whispered at my mother and hugged her. But I didn't know if it would be fine when we would find him, I didn't even know if we would find him. She hugged me back tightly and started crying.

"Why is he doing this to us?" She asked against my shoulder. But I didn't know what to say so I just rubbed her back comfortingly, getting more angry at my father for causing all these problems. I hated seeing my mother like that, it broke my heart.

"Maribel, calm down." Mario interrupted her crying and Maribel pulled back so she could turn to face her brother, while wiping her tears away. "Matt will come here and we'll go find him. Don't worry." He said and clicked his tongue.

"Does he know anything?" I asked and Mario shook his head.

"No. He told Antonio that he wouldn't come today, so Antonio probably planned for this." Mario sighed and I sighed too.

"I'll come with you." I said then and he frowned at me.

"You will not come with us." He said back.

"Yes, I will." I said and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"You won't, Santana. I don't even know what these places are." He said and looked at me pointedly.

"I don't care. I'm not a little girl." I frowned and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"I said you won't come with us." He told me again and I huffed.

"I want to! I feel like I'm sitting here doing nothing. The same happened about Lima too. It's so frustrating." I said angrily.

"I won't argue about this." He said dismissively. I groaned and went to protest but he stood up and frowned angrily at me. "You're angry, I'm angry, everybody's stressed out. When I'm telling you something, you'll listen to me, ok?" He asked me and I huffed at him. "Ok?" He asked louder and I finally nodded my head.

"Ok." I said bitterly and looked away from him and he sighed.

"I'll call you when we find him." He said more calmly. I nodded stiffly and turned to my mother.

"Are you gonna be ok?" I asked her. I really didn't want to be there if I couldn't do anything. She nodded at me and I nodded back before leaving. There was too much tension in that house, we would definitely fight again if I stayed.

I felt guilty for leaving my mother alone but I couldn't handle being there. I could feel the vein on my neck popping out and I could practically hear my heartbeats. I was so tired and angry and frustrated, I felt like I wanted to cry because of my desperation.

…

I was sprawled out on my couch, staring at the ceiling and shaking my legs in frustration. I would sigh and rub my face and groan while I kept thinking about how reckless my father was being. What he was doing was selfish. Didn't he think of Maribel and how this affected her? I knew that he said he did it for her but I had a hard time believing it.

I wondered where he was. I was sure he was gambling, but I wondered where he found the money. Maybe he borrowed from loan sharks again. How was he going to pay back? It only meant more trouble if we didn't find him soon. But my phone buzzing brought me out of my thoughts. I grabbed it to see that Brittany was calling me and I winced because she had texted me earlier but I had forgotten to reply to the message.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey, honey." She said softly with her sweet like honey voice. I could practically feel the tension going away from me and my eyes filled with tears. I didn't even know why I wanted to cry anymore. I closed my eyes and imagined the blonde being there, touching me and calming me in a way that only she could do it. I felt my heartbeats decreasing and going back to normal and I let out a shaky breath. "San?" She called again when I didn't answer and I sighed.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer earlier, I was kinda distracted." I mumbled and there was a brief silence.

"Is everything ok?" Brittany asked me.

"My dad's gone. He left a fucking note too." I said bitterly but then I winced. "I'm sorry, I'm just really angry right now. I don't want to drag you into this, it's unfair." I said.

"Do you want to come over?" She asked me and I frowned.

"Uh Britt, I just told you- " I started to say but she interrupted me.

"Come here, tell me what's going on. We're waiting for you." She said pointedly, letting me know that little Alice was waiting for me as well. "She'll make you feel better, I promise." She added then whispering and I sighed before agreeing. I figured the only way I could really relax it was if I was with the two blondes that held my heart.

…

"Oh honey." Brittany said softly when she opened the door and saw me. She tilted her head to the side sympathetically and pouted at me, my eyes were probably still red. She grabbed my hand and tugged me in the apartment before closing the door and hugging me tightly. I hugged her back and melted in her comforting embrace, letting the warmth that radiated from her body to soothe my upset state. To calm me down and take my worries away. She actually let me relax in her arms for as long as I wanted, to hide my face in the crook of her neck and smell her distinctive scent. "What happened?" She asked me after a while when I pulled back.

"He left." I said as the blonde guided me to the couch and sat me down. She sat next to me and put her arm around me, pulling me to lean against her. And I was glad for that because her touch was calming me as much as I could calm down at that moment. "My mom was asking me what happened between you and my dad but I didn't know if you wanted me to tell her or if you wanted to tell her yourself. Maybe she'll forget it and you won't have to tell her at all." I ranted and Brittany frowned at me.

"That's not the time to think about that, San." She said and I nodded slowly.

"Where's the kid?" I asked then, realizing that I hadn't seen her around.

"I think she has a surprise for you because when I told her that you'll come here she pushed me out of her room saying that I couldn't see." Brittany told me and I arched my eyebrows in curiosity.

"What surprise?" I wondered and the blonde shrugged, letting me know that she didn't know. I sighed.

"Did you call Matt?" She asked me then and grabbed my legs so she could drape them over her thighs. She was really strong, sometimes she made me wonder if I was weightless.

"Yes, my uncle and Matt are going to search for him." I said and she nodded at me. "I wanted to go too but my uncle didn't let me." I said frowning and Brittany sighed, kissing my forehead. But she didn't say anything, she waited for me to continue. "I don't think my dad's in the right state of mind, Britt. He wrote on the note that he was doing this so we'd stop worrying. Look at us being all carefree and happy." I said sarcastically and huffed. "He said that he was sorry too about everything, what he did to us and what he did to you." I continued but when Brittany was still silent I winced, because I was complaining for my father who was alive when both of her parents weren't. So I took my legs off of her and scooted a little away from her on the couch. "I'm sorry." I whispered and looked away from her, rubbing my forehead. I felt like I was doing everything wrong and that everything was my fault.

"San, don't compare our situations. It's only logical and natural and it makes absolute sense that you worry about him." Brittany told me, understanding what I was thinking. "At least I know where my parents are." She added expressionless, looking at me like everything was fine, making me frown. She proved to me once more that she still didn't fully comprehend their death. That what she was saying was something that she had to say, something she practiced for over the years. I didn't find it natural speaking about her dead parents without showing even a little bit of sadness. I knew that she could hide her feelings pretty well but I could see right through it. And at that moment it was even more obvious. "Probably in heaven." She whispered and relaxed on the couch.

"Yeah?" I asked. I wanted her to keep talking about them.

"My dad for sure. My mom was always the 'bad' parent, although we were pretty spoilt. Actually, my dad always made my mom seem the bad one because he always did whatever we told him. Just me, Anna was too young to have that right." She said, a sad smile almost ready to appear on her face. But she quickly cleared her throat and shifted her face back to expressionless. I sighed at her suddenly guarded behavior and reached forward to lean my elbows on my knees to rub my face in frustration. I did my best not to snap, Brittany didn't deserve it. I didn't want to push her, I knew I had to be satisfied with her opening up a little bit and telling me about that, but my tension wasn't helping. I also knew that if I snapped Brittany wouldn't just shut up and let me get angry at her. She would snap back and we would fight and I would know that it was my fault and she would be right. But just then little Alice came in the living room, causing my anger to vanish.

She was wearing, I assumed Brittany's, black pumps, a black sock only on her one foot. She was holding around her waist one of her mother's shorts and she was wearing a white tank top. What made my eyes widen though was a black thong that, where legs should be, were little Alice's arms. I turned to Brittany to see her looking at her daughter with wide eyes. She stood up and walked towards her.

"I don't even know where to start from." She said frowning. I sucked my lips, trying not to laugh. "How many times did I tell you that you're not allowed in my bedroom when I'm not there, Ali?" Brittany asked but didn't wait for her daughter to answer, who was going back and forth on her feet, glancing at me nervously every other second. "Is that butter?" She asked and touched Alice's blonde hair. Only then I noticed her attempt at wearing make-up. Lip gloss was all over her chin and cheeks, everywhere except her lips, and eye shadow on her eyebrows and forehead. I chuckled and Brittany turned to me frowning. I immediately cleared my throat though and stood up too.

"Why did you do this, Ali girl?" I asked and went to crouch in front of the little blonde.

"Cause I wanted to be pretty like mommy so you'll be my friend too." She said pouting and I arched my eyebrows in surprise.

"I am your friend, sweetheart." I said softly and pouted when the little blonde pouted at me.

"But mommy's your best friend." She said and turned to frown at Brittany before looking at me again.

"No, she isn't." I immediately said and looked up to find the tall blonde having an arched eyebrow at me. "She's just a special kind of friend." I shrugged. The most special, I thought.

"Special friend?" Alice asked and I nodded. "So I am your best friend?" She asked me then I nodded again.

"The bestest." I said and poked her tummy so she would giggle. I smiled and stood up straight.

"Alright. You're going to shower right now." Brittany said then and Alice went back to frowning at her mother.

"No." She whined and looked at me pleadingly. But I wasn't about to go against Brittany's word. Besides she was right, little Alice needed to shower. Her hair had butter all over it and her face looked like a paintball field.

"I'm not asking you, Ali. I'm telling you that you have to." Brittany said.

"I don't want to!" Alice screamed at the tall blonde and I widened my eyes in surprise at her rudeness towards her mother. But Brittany wasn't surprised at all, she was just angry. She bent down to grab Alice's arm and brought their faces just a few inches from each other's, a look on her face that would intimidate even me.

"I am your mother and you will respect me, Ali. You don't get to raise your voice at me. Do you understand?" She asked but the little blonde didn't say anything. "Do you understand?" Brittany asked again and Alice nodded once. "I didn't hear you." The tall blonde said.

"Yes." Alice said then, not looking at her mother.

"Good." Brittany said and let go of her daughter's arm while straightening up. She turned to look at me and sighed. She looked like she was sorry that this happened in front of me but I shrugged to let her know that it was fine and so she turned to her daughter again. "I'm going in my bedroom now, if it's a chaos in there I'm not gonna be happy." She said pointedly and the little blonde looked down at her feet, completely understanding what it meant when Brittany wasn't happy.

The tall blonde was obviously a strict parent. It didn't mean she was bad or irrational. She was right and she was strong enough to not give in at the pouting face that Alice was sporting. I knew I would. But that wouldn't be ideal, the kid would get the message that she could do whatever she wanted when she was pouting. If she was only three and started screaming at her mother, what would happen when she would be a teenager?

"I can help her shower?" I more asked than said and Brittany nodded letting out a long breath. She threw a last warning look at her daughter before leaving. "Ok." I breathed and picked up the little blonde, careful not to get any butter or make-up on me.

I made my way to the bathroom and let the little blonde down. She wasn't saying anything and I focused on doing this right. I took off her clothes, doing my best to ignore the images of Brittany wearing that thong when I was in a room with her daughter. I threw the clothes and shoes in a pile on the floor and picked up Alice to put her in the shower. I turned on the water and grabbed the shower head to check the temperature.

"Lean your head back." I said and Alice did as I told her. I wet her hair, careful not to get any water in her eyes. I had forgotten what was going on with my father but at that moment that it was quiet everything came back, the tension, the irritation, the worry. My feelings were mixed and it confused me, effectively making me angrier. I grabbed the shampoo and squirted some in my hand before starting to rub soft blonde hair so all the butter would be gone.

"Why are you sad?" Alice asked me suddenly and cupped my cheeks with her tiny wet hands, surprising me.

"I'm not sad, I'm worried." I said and then realized that I was talking to a three year old. "Because you think you have to be pretty to have friends. You don't have to honey, you have to love yourself just like you are." I told her, I knew it was deep for a kid but Alice was really smart. "Do you think your mommy's pretty?" I asked her and she nodded while wiping away the foam that fell on her cheeks. When her hair was clean I started carefully wiping away the make-up that was on her face. "You look so much like your mommy, you're the prettiest." I said and she smiled brightly at me. "Why are you mad at her though?" I asked her then and she shrugged.

"Because." She said and I frowned, both at her answer and because the eye shadow wasn't getting off.

"That's not a reason." I said.

"Because she's mad now and won't let me watch TV. She didn't say it but I know it." She told me frowning and I sighed.

"Well, if she told you that you're not allowed in her bedroom then she's right, sweetie." I said softly, not wanting to sound like I was scolding her. But she just nodded at me. "I think if you apologize to her then she won't be so mad." I said.

"Ok." She whispered.

"Ok." I echoed. I finished cleaning up her face and helped her clean up the rest of her tiny body.

"Are you gonna read me the rabbit and the turtle before bed?" She asked me, making me realize that it was night and it was late and my uncle still hadn't called. I had my phone with me, waiting for a call but nothing.

"Sure I will." I answered, not wanting to drag the kid in my distress. I turned off the water and turned around to find a towel. I grabbed one and turned back to dry off the little blonde. Then I draped the towel around her body and picked her up, making my way to her bedroom.

I sat her on her bed and started asking her where her clothes and underwear were and she was answering, helping me dress her up. Then I sat beside her on the bed and turned her so her back would be to me and I started combing her blonde hair.

I couldn't help but wonder where my father would sleep that night if Mario and Matt don't find him. Was he going to be like those homeless people, sleeping on benches at the parks and begging for someone to give them something to eat? But he had a house and a family that, wanting to or not, cared about him.

I remembered when he had to dress me up one day and take me to school and he had no idea what to do with my clothes and my hair. At that moment I understood how he must had felt. He wasn't a bad father, but I had lost him when he started gambling. And by leaving us he confirmed to me that I would never get him back. I swallowed thickly and frowned to force my tears away just in time for Brittany to come in Alice's room.

"Everything ok?" She asked looking between her daughter and me. She lingered her gaze on my eyes so I nodded, letting her know that everything was fine. I finished the braid on soft blonde hair and leaned down to kiss the top of Alice's head.

"Do you have something to do?" I whispered at her and she turned to me pouting. I nodded at her encouragingly and she took a deep breath before turning to see her mother. Brittany was leaning against the doorframe and had her arms crossed in front of her chest. She didn't seem to be angry anymore. I gently nudged the little blonde's back and watched as she reluctantly stood up and slowly made her way towards her mother. She was looking up at her hesitantly and Brittany helped her by crouching down so they were at eye-level.

"I'm sorry." Little Alice whispered and Brittany arched her eyebrows at her daughter.

"What?" She asked and side-eyed her daughter. I was sure she heard her but she wanted Alice to repeat her apology.

"I'm sorry I made a mess and shouted." Alice said louder and Brittany nodded. She looked at me before looking back at her daughter.

"Apology accepted." She said.

"I love you." Little Alice immediately said and fell in her mother's arms.

"I love you too." Brittany said and hugged her back for a few seconds, making me feel all warm inside at their interaction, before the little blonde pulled back.

"Tana will read me the rabbit and the turtle." She said and turned to come back to bed. But she only took two steps before turning to go back to her mother, who was still crouching, to kiss her cheek sloppily and giggle when Brittany scrunched her face. She quickly ran to get away before her mother could catch her and came to crawl on her bed and fall face first on her pillow.

"Alright then, I'll leave you two alone." Brittany said and stood up, making my heart melt because not only she told me that she trusted me with her daughter but she showed me too. By letting me to help her shower and then putting her to bed. She came to kiss her daughter's head and the two exchanged 'goodnights' before Brittany squeezing my arm and leaving.

"Where's the book?" I asked the little blonde and she seemed to be thinking about it.

"I don't want the rabbit and the turtle. I want you to tell me a story." She said while she shuffled on the bed so she would rest her head on my thighs. I sighed and leaned my back on the headboard.

"Ok." I breathed and tried to remember a story from when I was a kid. But before I could start the little blonde spoke up again.

"Let's sleep." She said and I chuckled and the consistency of a three-year-old's thinking process. I shuffled down the bed so the little blonde could rest her head on my open arm and I sighed. "Night night, Tana. I love you too like mommy." She told me then, like she was trying to reassure me, effectively making my heart melt and a small smile to take over my face.

"I love you too, sweetheart. Goodnight." I whispered. I felt my eyes closing and the tiredness of the whole day finally overtaking me.

I turned on my side and hugged properly Alice against my chest. She was so small and fragile, she made a weird feeling of protectiveness overtake me. I felt like I had a new purpose in life, to keep this angel in my arms safe. I didn't know from what, I just felt the need to do that. So with that thought, the sleep took over me as well.

…

I woke up startled. My pocket was buzzing and it took me a few seconds to realize that it was my phone and that I was in Alice's bed. I quickly got up, careful not to wake her up, and put the railings on the bed before leaving the room and closing the door. I immediately pulled out the phone to see that my uncle was calling me. My heart started beating faster inside my chest and I quickly answered the phone.

"Did you find him?" I asked, not bothering with greetings.

"Yes." He said and I let out a long breath.

"Are you going home?" I asked then. There was a brief silence before Mario started speaking again.

"We're at the hospital." He told me and I blinked a couple of times.

"Hospital?" I asked to confirm that I heard right. When he said 'yes' I frowned. "Why?" I wondered.

"Just come here, Santana." Mario said and told me which hospital before hanging up. I let out a shaky breath and turned to leave.

When I reached the living room I found Brittany on the couch, typing on her laptop, and I realized that I would leave without telling her, if she wasn't there. She startled by my fast movements and looked at me with wide eyes. "He's at the hospital. It's serious, Britt. If he had just cut his hand they wouldn't tell me to go there." I told her and she closed the laptop and stood up to come to me.

"Ok. Go ahead and I'll come find you." She told me and I frowned.

"But Britt, the kid." I said and gestured towards Alice's bedroom.

"I'll call Anna." She said and pushed me towards the door. I looked down at my phone to see that it was one in the morning.

"But it's late." I said while opening the door and Brittany rolled her eyes.

"It's fine, baby. Just go." She said and I sighed before cupping her cheeks and kissing her. Because it had been too long since I last kissed her and I had missed her. She kissed me back for a few seconds but then she pulled back and pushed me out of the door, saying she'll come later to find us. And so I left Brittany's apartment and went at the hospital.

…

"Where is he?" I asked when I spotted Mario and Matt sitting at chairs in the corridor of the hospital. When my uncle heard me he immediately stood up and came to me.

"Come, sit." He told me and grabbed my arm to guide me towards a chair but I shrugged so he would let go.

"I don't want to sit. What the hell is going on?" I asked exasperated. I was sure I wouldn't be able to handle one more thing.

"Santana, Antonio had a stroke." He told me and I swallowed thickly.

"Ok." I said slowly, not sure what that meant.

"The doctor said that it's because of the stress and the fact that he was drunk made it worse." He said and I frowned.

"Is he awake?" I asked and looked around like he would be there. When I looked back at my uncle he was looking at his feet. "Tio?" I called and he glanced up so I could see his red eyes. That was probably the first time that I saw tears in my uncle's eyes. He shook his head at me.

"I'm so sorry." He told me.

"I don't understand." I said.

"He isn't gonna wake up." He told me and I sucked my lips. "He's brain dead." He said and I stared at him, not being able to fully realize what was going on.

"But why?" I asked.

"I told you, he had a stroke." He said again and rubbed his face.

"I don't understand. He had a stroke because we wanted him to stop gambling?" I asked and my uncle shrugged. "People wake up from a coma all the time." I said frowning and my uncle sighed.

"He isn't in a coma. He's brain dead." He told me again.

"What's the fucking difference?" I snapped and my uncle grabbed my arms and fixed me with a serious look.

"The difference is that he can't never wake up, Santanita." He told me and my eyes finally filled with tears.

"Where is he?" I asked again and my uncle gestured towards a door. "Can I go in there?" I asked and he nodded. So I took a deep breath and slowly made my way towards the white closed door.

When I opened the door the only thing that I could see was the body that was lying on the bed and the only thing that I could hear was the monitor with my dad's steady heartbeats. I slowly approached the bed and grabbed his hand so I could sit by his side on the bed. I knew he couldn't hear me and I knew he could never hear me again.

His face looked so relaxed and peaceful. I brought up one hand and cupped his cheek, trying to remember when it was the last time that I touched him like that. When it was the last time that I touched him at all, the last time that I hugged him and the last time that I told him that I loved him. Because I did love him, he was my father.

"I'm sorry." I told him and then chuckled humorlessly. "I don't know what I'm apologizing for, probably for everything that happened." I said and sniffled. I hadn't realized that I started crying. "I hope you find your peace where you're going papi. I hope you'll finally be able to rest." I said as more tears run down my cheeks. "I choose to believe that you meant it when you said that you were sorry about everything and I wanted to tell you that I forgive you." I said and leaned down to kiss his forehead. I lingered there, knowing it would be the last time that I was touching him. "I was missing you already but now I think I'll miss you even more." I said then and choked back a sob. "Because I won't be able to see your face or hear your voice. Please don't forget us, this is gonna be so hard for mami." I stood up and placed his hand on the bed again before leaning down to kiss him on his cheek. "I love you and I guess I'll see you again soon." I whispered and turned to leave the room.

When I got out I saw that Maribel and Brittany had come as well. My blonde girlfriend immediately came to me.

"He's- " I started to say but she shushed me.

"I know, honey. I'm so sorry." She told me and I hugged her tightly. Because I was glad that she was there. Brittany pulled back and I turned to see that Maribel was looking at me with eyes filled with tears. I opened my arms and she fell into them, hugging me tightly.

"It's all over." I whispered at her and she choked a sob.

"Maribel." Mario called and she pulled back to turn to him. "Go." He said and gestured towards my father's room. I figured that after that they would turn off the machines that supported my father. But I didn't want to see that. Brittany understood that because she was looking at me like she wanted to reach out and grab me but she didn't. She just let me turn around and leave.

I left the hospital and the parking lot and I started running down the street. I didn't know why I did that. I just felt the need. I also didn't know where I was going, I only knew what I was running away from. And that was the constant worry of my father's well being. Because I knew that now he would be alright.

I started crying and running faster. I could feel my tears drying on my cheeks but new ones would appear to wet them again. I didn't know how to feel. I was relieved, because he wouldn't have to suffer anymore but I was sad as well because I would never see him again. And so I cried more. They were tears of relief and sadness for an inglorious end. The end of a war that implies peace, but the price was my father's life.

A.N.: Thank you for your reviews, follows and favorites. Maybe this chapter was the hardest to write so far, let me know what you think.