Chapter Twenty Three

It was silent in Grimmjow's rooms. The only noise that reached my ears were my tentative footsteps into the room, my soft breathing, and the quiet noise of the door clicking as I shut it behind me.

Standing stock still, I listened hard for any other noise in the general vicinity. A thick silence coated the room, giving it the immediate feel of a tomb.

Taking a deep breath, sure that Grimmjow was not currently there, I slipped my messenger bag over my head and tossed it into the corner near the door, walking over to the sofa. I plopped onto it ungracefully, head hitting the back of it, legs stretched out in front of me. Letting out a long, drawn out sigh, I pushed my fingers into my mess of tangled hair, pushing the blond locks out of my face.

Only a few inches in, and my fingers were caught up in the snarled bits of my hair, completely ensnared. If I ever got out of Las Noches, my first act of business once I was home would likely be to chop it all off—there was likely any hope of me ever getting a brush through it again in it's current state.

I love how you're planning for an escape that might not ever happen, the voice sang in my head.

Pointedly ignoring it, I closed my eyes and fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

The muscles in my legs were twitching and sore when I woke up however long later, sprawled on my stomach on . . . the bed?

How the hell did I get in the bed? I didn't recall waking up to crawl into the bed, let alone even seeing it before I fell asleep.

"What in the fresh hell," I muttered, pushing myself up off of my stomach and staying like that, legs still flat on the bed, thing arms shaking with the strain of holding me upright after a few moments. My eyes were still thick with sleep, and the mass of brown and blond hair that hung in my face didn't help clear up my vision much either.

I brought up a hand and pushed all of my hair back, blinking rapidly to clear my vision. My arm nearly went out from underneath me as I did so, almost sending me face first back into the bed.

Glancing around, I saw that I was indeed the only one in the room—my old, beat up purple sneakers sat in the corner where I had taken to placing them, messenger bag sitting next to them.

Groaning, I let my body fall back to the bed, one hand still in my hair and the other pinned beneath me. There was only one way I could have wound up in the bed, and he currently wasn't in the room.

But that was okay, because it meant I could go back to sleep.

Oh, come on now, Ka-chan. You can't spend your whole life sleeping.

"Wanna bet," I mumbled, snuggling down into the bed once again.

The sound of the door clicking into place jolted me out of sleep some time later; I was more aware than I was earlier, having not slept for quite as long.

Pushing myself up onto my knees and sitting upright, I dashed my hands over my eyes and pushed my hair out of my face yet again, yawning. If ever given the chance, I would undoubtedly sleep my life away, and I would do so happily.

Clumsily, I crawled out of the bed, bare feet hitting the floor quietly. I padded out of the room, alert for any noises coming from the other room—was Grimmjow still there? Or had he just left?

I highly doubt you'd be so lucky as to miss him, Ka-chan. Life doesn't like to go your way, remember? the voice mused.

I stepped into the other room and saw-

Nothing. There was no one there; the sofa was empty, the corners were bare, and there was a tray of food sitting on the small table that stood before the only other piece of furniture in the room, its contents still warm.

I frowned, tugging my hood from it's tangled spot around and my neck and pushing it back into place on my back. If it wasn't for the tray of food sitting on the table and the fact that I had woken up in bed, it would have been hard to tell there had ever been anyone other than myself in the rooms in the first place.

From the looks of things, Grimmjow wasn't going to talk to me for a bit—or stay in the room much at all. It was a small miracle he even remembered to bring me food. And then there was Usagi, who I figured I wouldn't be seeing for a while; not since she blew up at Grimmjow.

Had that only been yesterday morning? I thought, taking a seat on the sofa, elbows on my knees.

It was going to be a lonely few days.

The days trickled by slowly when I was alone; I spent a good amount of my time sleeping or simply staring at the walls, bored out of my mind. Grimmjow seemed to have gotten eerily good at passing in and out of the rooms without my knowledge, since I was still fed on time every day.

He was also really, really good at predicting my sleep patterns, because I was certain he was there when I was sound asleep.

It was almost creepy.

Of course, I had seen him once or twice in passing, just as he had been leaving the room. He hadn't said anything—just looked over his shoulder, frowned, and left.

Not a word. Not a single word.

A small laugh bubbled from my mouth as I thought about it—he had punched a wall because I talked so much before, and now that we weren't talking at all he still looked like he wanted to punch a wall.

Careful, Ka-chan. He might decide you're a pretty great wall yourself and punch you. Again.

I cringed, rolling over on the sofa I had been lying on for the past few hours. The mental image of actually seeing Grimmjow punch me in the hall flashed in my mind, and I shoved it back down with the voice, intent on not letting anything he said get to me.

Admittedly, my nose hurt just a bit thinking about it.

Huffing, I closed my eyes, almost intent on falling asleep once again. Of course, since I had been spending so much of my time sleeping lately, I felt like I could stay awake for at least three days. I probably would, too, just so I could repeat the whole process if Grimmjow was still sulking by then.

The door opened quietly and I sat upright quickly, head whipping toward the entrance.

"Usagi!" I screeched, jumping up off of the sofa and practically throwing myself at the green haired woman. My arms wrapped around her immediately, my head finding it's way to her shoulder. "I missed you so much, thank goodness you're here!"

She smelled like sand, like cool night air, like outside. When she laughed, I could feel the noise, feel the vibrations from her chest travel into my cheek. "Oh my god Kaori! You act like you haven't had interaction with anyone since I saw you last!"

I took a step back from her, retracting my arms and grinning sheepishly. "Uh, well, you see-" Shit. How do I explain t her that I haven't really had any sort of interaction since I saw her last?

That's easy, Ka-chan. You just say it like that.

"What are you doing here?" I asked brightly instead, folding my arms behind my back and bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet.

You're too excited for this, Ka-chan. It's almost worrying.

Usagi smiled at me, all sharp teeth, tugging on a piece of her hair before she tucked it behind her ear. "I thought you might want to get out of here for a little while, at least."

"Of course!" I hurried snatched my messenger bag from up off of the floor, swinging it over my head and dropping the strap onto my shoulder as I walked back toward her. "A slight change of scenery would be great."

I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet as I followed Usagi out of the room, closing the door behind me.

"Where did Grimmjow go?" she asked offhandedly once we were in the hall; I was walking in between her and the wall, which was fine with me—the halls looked like they were typically deserted, but it was always hard to tell who or what you were going to run into. And if Usagi was closer to the center of the wall, I would be less at risk.

"I dunno," I answered with a nonchalant roll of my shoulders, glancing back out of habit. There was no one else in the hall.

Yeah, Ka-chan. Like there's going to be anyone else out and about—that you can see, at least. I could feel goosebumps rise up all over my arms at the voice's words, and I shivered as I looked forward again. The words sparked the memory of the way Gin had insisted we travel, and I wondered what it looked like from the outside—could anyone else see anything when we flashed past them that way?

How many people had passed me like that when I walked in the halls?

"Oh," Usagi said, voice disinterested. "How's he been?"

There was a frown tugging at the corners of my mouth as I watched Usagi out of the corner of my eyes, flicking from the sagging stoop of her shoulders to her smooth gait as we strode down the hall.

"Sullen," I finally offered up, biting down the urge to tell her to ask him herself. It wasn't like I had talked to him all that much, either; not that he gave me the chance to. "A little cranky. But. You know. You probably would be too, losing an arm."

"Ha, yeah." It was a fake laugh she had issued, hollow and muted in the empty halls. "I guess I would be, if it happened." And then, suddenly, her mood was brighter, like someone had thrown a switch in her head. Her whole face did a three sixty, going from neutral and a little pouty to a wide, beaming smile, a look of mischief in her eyes.

"Although," she said slyly, smile downsizing to a smirk that was twice as troubling, if not three times as dangerous as the smile had been. "I did hear from, uh, certain sources, that his arm isn't the only reason he's a little sullen. I mean, it might have had something to do with being pushed awa-"

"Gin told you, didn't he." I didn't feel the need to pose it as a question, because I had a strong feeling that that was the only way Usagi could have found out about the debacle in the hall. But if Gin had told Usagi, then there was no clue as to who else he had told about The Incident.

"Of course!" she exclaimed, flouncing down the hall as the bounce left my step. "And then he showed me the video. Which, I have to say Kaori, way to go. Really. I can't name any other person who would have the audacity to actually push him away."

I raised an eyebrow and started to walk a little faster to keep up with Usagi. Her legs were longer than my own, and she seemed a little intent on picking up the pace since we had started our conversation. I knew it wouldn't be long before I would have to start taking two steps to match just one of hers.

"Why not?"

"Because he's uh, kind of terrifying in most situations? Even with one arm. I'm kind of surprised you didn't end up all over the wall," she said with a hesitant laugh, a twitch of a smile gracing her features before it was gone again.

All over the wall? I did not like the implications of that, and I didn't want to find out what she could have possibly meant by that, either, so I found it best not to ask.

"Oh," was all I said, hands finding their way immediately to the strap of my messenger bag and gripping it tightly.

"Of course, Aizen and Tosen probably wouldn't have shown him any sort of leniency if he had. He probably would have lost a whole lot more than his arm if he had ended you. Not that he only lost his arm last time, but there isn't much more they can take away from him if he disobeys again."

I tilted my head, raised an eyebrow, turned my face just enough to see her. She was looking at me out of the corners of her eyes, though the look on her face said that she might have let just a little too much slip.

"I already know he lost his position, too—whatever that means," I said, rolling my shoulders and adjusting my grip on the strap of my messenger bag.

"But it's not just that," Usagi said, stuffing her hands down into her pockets. She had slowed her pace just a little, whether it was from seeing me struggle to keep up with her longer gait or simply subconscious, I couldn't tell. "He lost his arm, he lost his position in the Espada, and then he lost all of his, erm, friends."

"Huh." The idea of Grimmjow having friends was a little . . . weird? To me, at least. Because, while he seemed likeable on some occasions, he had spent a good chunk of his time around me and hadn't mentioned any of them once. Which was weird, because most people typically talk about those they considered their friends.

The look on my face must have betrayed my thoughts to Usagi, because she plowed on, elaborating on her earlier statement.

"Well, I wouldn't really call them his friends—they were more like underlings, really. In fact, you met one of them—Shawlong, I believe it was. He's the one that, uh, grabbed you by the neck. Tossed you around a little. Then again, you probably don't want to recall that bit, so I'll just. Uh. Stop talking," Usagi babbled, rubbing the back of her neck and glancing back over her shoulder.

I frowned, recalling the bruises that had faded from my neck rather unfondly. All of the other bruises I had had—the ones I had inflicted on myself, and the one Usagi had inflicted on me for my own safety—had faded as well.

"So what you're saying is that he lost everything because he's," I struggled for the word for a moment, "willful?"

"Yeah. Basically."

We walked for a few more hallways before the look on Usagi's face brightened considerably.

"Let's go eat, Kaori!"

"Ka-chan!"

I jumped, jolting awake and scrambling off of the couch, looking about wildly for the source of the noise. Leaning against the wall next to the couch stood the voice in my head, frown on his face.

I relaxed a little when I saw that it was just him—no Grimmjow, no Usagi, no anyone else looking for me. Just the physical apparition of the voice in my head.

"What do you want," I grumbled, rubbing my eyes with a wide yawn. "I was trying to take a nap."

"I just wanted to talk."

"Then can't you have, I dunno, talked to yourself? Or something." I stretched, back popping in a satisfying manner with the movement.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his head as he let out the breath. "Hideki."

"What." What the hell is he saying?

"My name. It's Hideki."

Wait. Wait. What.

That woke me up really quick.

"You have an actual, honest name? You're a fucking hallucination; they don't have names. They shouldn't have names."

He sighed again, this time in irritation instead of defeat, and shook his head. "Ka-chan. Stop. I have told you a number of times, I am not a hallucination. You are not crazy."

"Then what the hell am I?" I screeched, taking a step toward him. My trembling hands were fisted at my sides, and I could feel my heart rate increasing—I could already tell this conversation wasn't going to end well. "And what the hell are you, to say you aren't a hallucination? How can I be sure that you aren't my subconscious telling me what I wish I wasn't?"

"There, uh, isn't. Actually. A way you can be sure, I mean. You just have to trust me."

"Trust you? Trust you?" I wondered for a split second if he was hearing himself, hearing how asinine he sounded as he told me to trust him—he, who had told me to kill people multiple times over the years. "How do you expect me to trust you, you piece of shit?"

"Whoa there, sparky. Calm down, okay? I can—I can kind of explain a couple of things. Though I do admit that telling you to trust me might have been a little out of line. And, you know, preemptive. But just bear with me here for a little, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I have decided that I owe you an explanation. Of sorts. Since I, uh, got you into this whole mess."

He stopped talking for what seemed like a lifetime, staring at me in the silence.

"Uh," I said into the pregnant silence. "Go on?" Whatever it was that he had to say, it had better been good. Not some kind of half cocked explanation that he would think I would accept immediately.

"Okay, well. I used to work for Aizen and Gin. And it wasn't fun—I mean, well, okay, it was for a while, and then I found out some shit, and then I decided it wasn't for me. But they're totally ride or die; once you're in you're in for life. I, uh. I fucked up. I fucked up bad. And I don't think Aizen's really forgotten about it, so-"

"Whoa. Hold the phone. You fucked up how? Like, what did you do?" I asked gleefully. Even the idea that the voice in my head—Hideki, as I supposed it was—had messed up doing something was incredibly pleasing. Although how he managed to get into my head was a mystery to me. The question of whether or not he really was a hallucination hovered at the back of my mind, but I shoved it back for the time being. I would be able to stew on that later.

"Uh, well. One second I was doing this super high level kido spell that, uh, may or may not have been totally illegal in most places, and I. I messed up. Because one second I was doing the kido and the next I was sharing the same consciousness as a six year old girl. Which I have to tell you, Ka-chan, was far from fun. Because, you know, I'm already a lot older than you are. I was way older than six when I got stuck in your head. Can you imagine my utter pain at discovering the fact that I was, er, stuck with you? That I am stuck with you until death—in theory, at least.

"And, ugh, it's so boring, Kaori. Seeing the world through your eyes instead of my own, not being able to do what I want, not being able to go where I want, preferably without you." He pushed off of the wall using his shoulders, but didn't go too far forward; he wound up falling back again, shoulders smacking into the wall again.

I was confused; I had never in my life heard some of the terms he was using, like kido or whatever. But I decided that now was not the time for a vocabulary lesson, not when I had him talking. And while I might have felt glad that he was talking and telling me things he hadn't bothered to before, my earlier feelings of rage couldn't help but start to bubble up again at the implication of his words.

"So, you've been bored for the past eleven years? What, was telling me to kill other people your way of 'having fun'?"

Hideki looked sheepish for a moment. "Uh, yeah. Actually. Yes. It was. And then, you know, I figured out how to get two versions of my voice going at once, though you were on your medication by then so I couldn't actually use it until recently. Pretty neat, right?" He shook his head quickly, talking before I could even open my mouth to tell him that, no, it was not 'pretty neat.'

"But then we got abducted and wound up here. And then I realized that I kind of like being alive, even if it means I have to exist in your head. And if you die, then I don't exist anymore."

"So you giving me advice, telling me to run from that thing in the desert a few days ago—it's all self preservation, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah—I'd much rather be alive and stuck with you than, you know, dead." He rolled his shoulders, white eyes locked with mine. There was a mix of emotions bubbling up in me—rage, defeat—and a sudden urge to simply wrap my trembling hands around something and squeeze.

"Okay. Well. If you want me to live, then why don't you help me get out of here? Help me get back to Mom and Mizuri?"

"I can't."

I frowned at him, biting the inside of my cheek.

"And why not?"

"I don't think you quite understand, Ka-chan. Aizen needs something from me—from us."

My frown deepened as I took in all of this information he deemed necessary to dump on me, trying to soak it up as best I could—I could sort through it later, like when there wasn't a hallucination or whatever he was standing in front of me.

"What? Do you still owe him some lunch money or something?"

He laughed wistfully, blank eyes looking up at the ceiling before he pinned me with his gaze again. "I only wish it was that easy, Ka-chan. No, I owe him information—information that he has tried and failed to get out of other people, because they didn't know what I know."

"Okay, well. Um. Why don't you just, I dunno, take over my body again and tell him what he needs to know. And then I can go home."

"It's—it's not that easy, Ka-chan. Now that I've had time to think about it, I don't actually want to tell him what I know."

"Why not?" I demanded hotly, putting my hands on my hips and leaning toward him. "What difference has eleven years had on you for this sudden change of heart?"

"It wasn't a sudden change of heart, Ka-chan. I've had time to sit and stew and think about what I've done, and about what I would have done differently, given the chance. And since you're here, since Aizen brought you here, it means that he still wants the information I have. Which means that he still wants the information that I still posess. But now is my chance Ka-chan—my chance to do something right for a change."

Hideki was staring at me, eyes nearly pleading. My frown felt like it was going to be a permanent fixture on my face for a good long while at that point; the anger I was feeling toward him was likely going to end up the same way.

"Well, you know, that's fine and dandy, but shouldn't I have a say in this? It is my body in this situation, my mental health, my physical health—I was the one that got abducted, I've been the one who has had their whole life ruined by this; I'm a third party!" It made perfect sense to me—in theory, I should have been the one who decided what Aizen was going to find out. It wasn't like Hideki had his own body anymore; he shared mine. Mine, which still had a fully conscious entity inside of it.

"I'm sorry, Ka-chan. But I can't do that. It would go against my morals."

Right. Morals. The set of morals he mysteriously pulled out of his ass all of five minutes ago as an excuse.

"Yeah? Where the fuck were your morals when you were telling me to kill people? When you were telling me to kill myself? Where the fuck were they then? 'Cause you sure as hell didn't have them!" I snapped, grinding my teeth together when the words had ceased.

His jaw tightened, and he frowned at me. "I'm sorry," he repeated earnestly.

I couldn't take it anymore—the look on his face, the way he seemed to be looking at me so apologetically, even after his explanation, as if he expected me to simply accept it.

My body moved before I could completely rationalize what I was doing and think through my actions, let alone consider the consequences of said actions.

My fist went straight through Hideki's face, sending his visage rippling and shattering like glass, spider web cracks across my vision as my knuckles met with the solid wall he had been standing in front of.

And with this, we have breached 50k.

Also, you guys are the greatest people ever; seriously. I hope to have the next one up soon!