Chapter 30:
My fingers traced Brittany's ribcage, going down to tickle her protruding hipbone before coming up again. She whined in protest, making me smile against her shoulder blade, and she shuffled back into me.
I sighed as I felt my girlfriend's whole naked body against my front, it had me almost falling asleep again. She was just too warm and soft and relaxing. I let my arm go around her bare waist and hugged her against me tightly.
"Baby, wake up." I said, with my rough and raspy voice, and kissed the back of her neck and she whined again.
"I love your voice in the mornings." She mumbled anyway, making me blush slightly. "But let me sleep." She rubbed her face on the pillow making me actually consider it. She looked so comfortable that I didn't want to wake her up, besides we had fallen asleep three hours ago.
"No." I thankfully didn't give in.
"Why?"
"Ali's gonna wake up soon." I said and she sighed.
On weekends little Alice always came in our bedroom in the mornings and at the moment we were naked. I wondered how Brittany managed to make me fall asleep like that, I usually freaked out about Alice seeing anything else than just a peck. I thought that if I wasn't doing it for both of us then Brittany would freak out too. Little Alice knew that Brittany and I were 'special' friends but she was too young to understand what a relationship was without wondering about 'daddy and mommy' and not be confused about her situation. I was confused about this situation and I definitely wasn't a three year old. Brittany turned around to face me and I smiled when her blue eyes connected with mine.
"Good morning." I mumbled and she smiled back before leaving a soft kiss against my lips.
One kiss that brought another one and then another one until Brittany pushed my shoulder so I would turn on my back before straddling me, our heated kiss never breaking. My fingers traced my girlfriend's spine as my tongue massaged hers, the taste of myself still evident in her mouth from the night before, combined with the bitterness the morning always brought and that taste that was pure Brittany.
She pulled back from my lips, leaving us both slightly panting as she hid her face in my neck. I was glad that the door was locked because I still had in my mind that little Alice could come in the bedroom any moment. My hands rubbed my girlfriend's back, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin under my fingers as her front was flushed against mine.
"Do you really have to leave on the only Saturday that I don't have any appointments?" I pouted and Brittany pulled back from my neck, leaning her weight on her elbows to pout back at me. She had to be at the dance studio because Mike wasn't in New York.
"At least I won't have to leave until after lunch." She told me and I sighed.
"Do you think Quinn will come?" I asked her then and she shrugged.
"I don't know, I hope so. Her group is small and she's like the only one keeping it fun. They're so connected with each other, so whenever someone's not there they immediately notice it. Especially Quinn." Her hands disappeared under my shoulders, softly scratching my shoulder blades.
"Is she a good dancer too?" I asked and she narrowed her eyes in thought.
"It's not so much her movements, not that they're not good, but it's more in her eyes. I don't know, there's something seductive and captivating in her look that always has me looking at her for a few seconds more than I need before going to the next dancer." She answered and I narrowed my eyes too.
"That's funny because this is how I feel about you and guess what, I'm actually in love with you." I said bitterly and she chuckled.
"I'm not in love with Quinn."
"Are you sure?"
"Honey, I'm in love with you and I've never been more sure about anything else in my life." She whispered, effectively making my heart skip a beat, as she leaned down and connected our lips for a soft, loving kiss. "What do you think about Beth's case?" Brittany asked me when she pulled back from my lips and I sighed as I hugged her tightly against me, softly kissing her exposed shoulder.
"I don't know, Puck probably has dirt on the husband and the mother is cheating on him so we have the dirt on her too. We can hit them but Puck isn't the best citizen either. What's on my mind though is the kid, she's in a destroyed family, and it won't be easy on her or Puck or Quinn to have her."
"Is there any chance of Quinn not wanting her?"
"No. There's no way. She let her go once, I don't think she'll do it again, especially if she knows that Beth isn't in a good and loving family. Because Quinn always wanted what's best for her and I think that now the best for Beth is to be with her biological parents who undoubtedly love and care about her." Brittany's lips went on my chin and started leaving small soft kisses on my jaw line until she reached my ear.
"I hope you can do something for them. If you can't then no one can." She whispered and kissed my neck. I sighed and hoped that I could too because Quinn would definitely need it. She was so fragile when it came to Beth. If Puck put the idea in her mind and she agreed to give the fight and then lose at the end, Quinn would be a mess. But I had that feeling that Quinn and Puck would come closer through all of this, although Quinn was in a relationship with Mike.
We stayed there in silence for a while, thinking that I should get up but not really wanting to. It was warm and Brittany felt so good on top of me that I never wanted to leave the bed.
"I want to show you something." Brittany whispered after a while.
"Ok." I mumbled as my girlfriend straightened up on my lap and reached to the nightstand. My hands immediately went on Brittany's thighs. Because the only thing I wanted to do at that moment was to run my fingers over the smooth skin of her thighs. And I did that, biting my bottom lip as the strong muscles tensed and trembled because of my touch.
Brittany took a paper out of the drawer and then gave it to me. I took it in my hands and sat up to see that it was a drawing. I stared at it in awe for a few seconds before looking up at Brittany. "Is this a phoenix?" I asked and she bit her bottom lip while nodding.
"My next tattoo." She said and I arched my eyebrows in surprise and nodded slowly.
I looked back to the drawing to admire the majestic blue-eyed bird. I knew that Brittany drew her tattoos herself, so I figured that this wasn't an exception. Besides, only by looking at the blue, purple and red bird rising from yellow and orange flames, you could tell that this piece of art was created by someone actually feeling the significance that this bird held. You could tell that this person was ripped apart but came to life again, like an actual phoenix rising from its ashes. It was like she was challenging those who made her kneel down to sit and watch her in awe as she stood up again. As she stood stronger to thrive, making them feel torn between bowing in front of her and cowardly running away.
"This is great." I whispered and watched as my girlfriend smiled softly at me.
"You think so?" She asked me and I immediately nodded.
"I don't know if it's because I know things but I can see the emotion and passion in this and it's beautiful and it shows so much strength and determination. Like your other tattoos, every single one of them wonderfully captures a different part of you that I'm absolutely in love with." I told her softly, causing her to put her arms around my neck and hug me tightly. I blindly put the drawing back on the nightstand before bringing my arms around her slim waist.
"I love you." She told me when she pulled back and I could see it in her eyes how much it meant to her that I could understand that.
I thought that if I couldn't understand her tattoos and what they meant then I probably wouldn't be able to understand her life. Then I wouldn't be in love with her, I wouldn't want to spend my life with her and I wouldn't look at her like she was my everything.
"Why now though? Why didn't you get this too when you got the others?" I wondered. My fingers started exploring her spine again as my lips started worshipping the flower tattoo that Brittany had on her chest.
"I wasn't feeling like it. Like something was still missing, like I was incomplete. I wasn't feeling that power that I can do everything, that I was invincible. And I felt like that only recently and then I started thinking about it and then I drew that. I didn't want to permanently have something on me that I wasn't feeling to the fullest." She said and gestured to the drawing that was on the nightstand. "And when I say recently I mean when I met you." She added, making my heart expand and skip a beat inside my chest. I reached up and connected my lips with hers because she was making me unable to think of anything to say. And I tried to convey with my kiss my love for her because words seemed to fail me. "I think I should have it on my back, the wings to be on my shoulder blades. What do you think?"
"I think it'd be beautiful. You are beautiful." I whispered and she smiled at me, effectively making my heart melt. "How did you manage to draw that without me noticing though?" I wondered then.
"You work a lot." She said teasingly and shrugged.
"Do you have a problem with that?" She was often teasing me about it but I wanted to know if there was bitterness behind her joking.
"No. I know you used to work a lot more before Ali and me came to your life. You even stopped working later than you should just to pick up the kid from kindergarten and I just love you about it. It shows how much you love her and that you put her above anything else. I'm so glad that she's as important to you as she is to me." Her hands were gently going up and down my arms, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin.
"Yeah, she really is. I'm happy that I've found this balance between work and Ali. I love my job and I don't want to get sloppy but at the same time I want to be with you and Ali twenty-three hours a day." I said and she arched an eyebrow.
"Twenty-three?" She wondered and I shrugged.
"Yeah, I want to spend the other hour making love to you." I whispered as my hands went on her thighs, my thumbs on her inner thighs reaching dangerously close to her center. "Although it seems that lately one hour isn't enough for you." I added teasingly, referring to the last night and the fact that we fell asleep in the morning.
"One hour isn't enough for you." She said back and I hummed. "You honestly can't get enough of me."
"You're right." I said, ignoring her arrogant attitude, as my thumbs reached her outer lips but Brittany covered my hands with her own and stilled my movements.
"Come on, we have to get up before Ali wakes up." She told me and I groaned as I let myself fall on the bed again. "We have to shower and change the sheets too." She mumbled, not making eye-contact and I smirked.
"Why?" I asked, although I knew the reason. I watched as Brittany blushed again and brought her hands up to gather her hair on top of her head.
"It's so fucking hot in here." She said, ignoring my question and I hummed. I knew that she was getting hot because she remembered last night.
"You're fucking hot." I said back, watching her muscles tensing, her hipbones protruding even more as a result of her arched arms. I couldn't help it when I brought my hands up and ran them over her abs and ribcage, tracing a black dragon and enjoying the trembling and shaking of Brittany's perfect body. "So, why do we have to change the sheets?" I asked again and she groaned, dropping her hands and standing up, making me chuckle as I sat up to see her.
"What's so special about her anyway?" She wondered while started tidying the room. I knew that she didn't really want to clean up, she was just uncomfortable with the subject and needed something to do with her hands. And I didn't have a problem with her moving around, she was naked after all.
And so I stayed there watching Brittany, her tattooed and toned body reminded me of a canvas that an artist spent a life on, trying to perfect his painting. But the painting wouldn't be perfect without its imperfections. Her tattoos portrayed her past and personality so well and I was utterly in love with every single piece of art. The majestic dragon expressed her protectiveness to her loved ones, the imposing tiger showed what a strong fighter she was, the flower signified the strength her soul held to not let her past define her future but just to guide it and the angels, her guardian angels, Brittany's parents that would always be with her, her protectors. They had me mesmerized and I couldn't wait to see the phoenix painted on her skin too, signaling a new start with her being stronger than ever and I couldn't be more proud and happy to be by her side.
"San?" Brittany called, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see her looking at me softly, obviously realizing that I had been mentally worshipping her body. I smiled at her and she smiled back for a few seconds, looking like she wanted to kiss me but then she remembered our conversation again and frowned. "What's so special about her?" She asked me again.
"Who are you talking about?" I asked, although I knew that she was talking about Teresa.
"You know who! Why can't I make you squirt? Is she better than me? Is sex with me awful? It can't be." She was looking at me expectantly and I sighed.
"Honey, don't compare yourself with her. You're great and I love you. I can't control it but you're starting to obsess over it and if you make me think that you're fucking me just to make me squirt then it won't happen. You really don't need to prove that you're better than her because with you it's never just sex, I can see the love in your eyes and I can feel it in your touch and you just can't compare that with Teresa making me squirt. That's nothing when it comes to the intimacy and the closeness and the connection that we have." I said softly and watched as her shoulders dropped a little and she relaxed, throwing the clothes that she was holding on the floor again. I stood up and went to hug her, kissing her neck as my hands rubbed her bare back.
"You're good with words." She commented as she ran her hands through my hair and I chuckled. That was good considering that it was my job to talk.
"I'm good with my fingers too." I offered as one hand reached down to her thigh, blindly tracing soft painted skin with my fingers and I felt my girlfriend shivering in my arms.
"Do you want to remind me?" She asked and I hummed my agreement, although I was sure that she remembered just fine. So I grabbed her hand and guided her to the shower, that way we would kill two birds with one stone.
...
"I don't want to eat beans. I want chocolate." Alice whined and scrunched her face in disgust, causing me to sigh and look at my girlfriend. We were sitting at the table eating lunch, Alice and I on one side and Brittany opposite us. But Brittany was silent, it was like she was testing me with Alice. Maybe not really testing me, more like teaching me how to be with her.
"Your stomach will hurt if you don't eat your beans, sweetheart." I answered as I pushed the plate closer to her, wanting her to eat without having to discuss about it.
"But I want chocolate." She whined again and pushed the plate away from her. I bit my bottom lip and hoped that Brittany would intervene like always but she didn't. She looked at me pointedly, silently telling me that I should handle this.
"No, you'll have chocolate if you eat your food first." I said with finality, trying to keep my face stern and not give in at the pout that she was now sporting.
"I'm not your friend!" Alice screamed at me and frowned as she crossed her tiny arms in front of her chest, reminding me so much of Brittany. I had an issue with scolding Alice and Brittany knew it but she never said anything. I figured that this time would be different though. And since Brittany wasn't saying anything, I forced myself to disapprovingly frown at Alice.
"Don't shout Ali, I'm sitting right next to you." I told her sharply and she looked away from me. "So I'm your friend only when I'm letting you do whatever you want?" I asked and she nodded confidently. "That's not how it works. We love people because we love them not because they do whatever we want. I love you and I want what's best for you and the best for you right now is to eat your food before chocolate." I said confidently but inside I was freaking out that she would say something back. I really didn't want to scold her and cause her to not like me. But thankfully her face softened.
She looked between her plate and me as she nervously rubbed her face. She cleared her throat and looked at Brittany who was watching us eating her food, before looking back at me. She jumped off her chair and extended her arms, waiting for me to pick her up. And I did, sitting her on my lap and she immediately hid her face in my neck. I felt her starting to shake and I sighed, looking at my girlfriend. Brittany nodded at me reassuringly though, silently telling me it wasn't my fault that the kid started crying.
"I love you." Alice told me crying, like she was trying to convince me and then sniffled. I put my hand on the back of her head and held her while she cried, shushing her.
"I know, baby. It's ok. I love you too." I said softly.
"I'm sorry." She told me and pulled back to reveal her beautiful blue eyes that were red and her tear stained cheeks. I rubbed her back with one hand while the other wiped away her tears.
"I forgive you." I told her, making her finally smile and she fell in my arms. I hugged her tightly against me with one hand, the other taking her plate and placing it in front of me. I kissed the top of Alice's head before turning her around so she would straddle my legs and facing her plate. "Now eat your food and then you can have chocolate." I said and watched as she sighed and reluctantly picked up her fork and started eating.
I sighed too, relieved that I had managed to make the kid eat her food without Brittany's help. But I was still worried that Alice would think that I wasn't her parent and that I wasn't supposed to tell her what to do. I thought that this was an insecurity that I started building up when me and Alice started to get closer.
After lunch was over Brittany went to get ready to go to the dance studio. I started cleaning up the table and kept an eye on Alice that was watching TV in the living room.
I was doing the dishes when I heard Brittany coming in the kitchen. I didn't turn around but I felt her hand touching my lower back when she passed by me to lean on the counter next to me. I turned to see her having her arms crossed in front of her chest and so I arched an eyebrow. I knew what she wanted to talk about, although she wasn't saying anything. I turned off the water and dried off my hands before leaning my hip on the counter next to her as I crossed my arms in front of my chest too.
"You did good." She told me and I let out a long breath, looking down at my feet. "If you never scolded her, she'd think that I'm the bad one and you're the good one so thanks." I wasn't sure if Brittany was teasing me or not, her face was expressionless.
"I don't like scolding her, I feel like she thinks that I don't have that right and that she'll hate me for it and I just can't stand that thought." I told her. Brittany was still staring at me with her expressionless face for a few seconds, making me feel even more uncomfortable before speaking up.
"She's almost four, she's a baby. She doesn't know what's best for her, she doesn't understand about laws and who has her custody and who doesn't. It depends on us what she knows and our job is to raise her while teaching her those things. She isn't stupid though, she understands who loves her and who doesn't and she knows that we know better and that she should listen. But she doesn't get to decide who's gonna raise her. Besides she won't remember about any of this in two years or even tomorrow. At this moment I have her custody and I get to decide that I want to share my daughter with you. I thought we were on the same page about this but I guess that it's on you if you want to be her parent or if you want to be her friend, Santana."
I felt like that was a turning point in my relationship with Alice although we had been living together for a few months already.
I should know that Brittany would say something like that though, because she didn't just tell me that she was fine with me and Alice being so close but she was encouraging it too. Otherwise she wouldn't agree to the kindergarten being so close to the firm, and me to be the one to take her there and then pick her up. Granted, she was the one who had to sign all the papers and to allow me to be the one to take and pick up the kid. But at that time it was the only thing that we could do because I had no rights over the child that I loved and cared for like it was mine.
And I was fine with that until I found out Brittany's opinion about marriage, and I couldn't help but think that it would be the same about making Alice legally mine too. And I couldn't say anything, I couldn't just ask her to let me do that, because I knew that she didn't want to.
"So, let me get this right. You don't want to marry me, you don't want me to have Alice's custody but you want me to be her parent unofficially?" I asked. I thought that I couldn't do that, that my feelings for little Alice were too big, huge, to let it go that easily. It just wasn't the same being Alice's parent unofficially and officially having her custody. I was insecure enough without that problem and the thought of spending the rest of my life having doubts about my role in Alice's life was dreadful.
Brittany sighed and turned to fully face me, sliding her arms around my waist and bringing our bodies so close that there wasn't any space between us. She caught me by surprise because I thought that we were having an argument but she was too relaxed. She pecked my lips softly as I hesitantly put my hands on her arms, not sure how to react.
"Santana." She breathed as our lips stayed so close that when she spoke up again I could feel her pierced ones moving against mine. "I give myself to you every day. I trust you with my everything, with my heart, my soul, my body, my past, my present, my future, my world and my life. We share a house and a life and I want nothing more than to share Ali with you too, like I've been doing for the past few months. We breathe the same fucking air right at this moment, if you still have doubts about things then I don't know what else to do." She told me before kissing me one last time and leaving.
I stayed like that staring at nowhere trying to process what just happened. If I said that I was confused it would be understatement. Brittany didn't really answer my question and I wondered what 'things' she was talking about. I didn't have any doubts about how she was feeling, I knew her opinion on marriage and Alice's custody. My doubts didn't have anything to do with Brittany, they were about Alice and the state and the rights that I had over her. Or the rights that I didn't have.
I could feel myself going crazy over this and so I shook my head, as if to clear it, and decided to not think about it, for my sanity's sake.
…
"What's up with you?" Maribel asked me. I was sitting in the kitchen at her house with her, while Alice and my uncle were in his office. Little Alice knew that we were lawyers and she liked to spend her time in his office, pretending that she was a lawyer too, although she didn't really know what it meant. She just knew that we were 'defending' people.
"I'm tired." I mumbled. Little Alice and me spent some time together but when the kid started being fidgety because of all the energy she had, I took her for a walk out of the apartment, ending up at my uncle's house.
"Come on, Santanita." Maribel said like she was bored as she came to sit by my side. I sighed because I was sure that she could see my upset face. She could always tell whenever something wasn't right.
"Brittany doesn't want to marry me and she doesn't want me to have Alice's custody but she wants me to be her parent. I'm so confused, I knew that her and the law aren't the best friends but is the problem that big?" I wondered, not really expecting an answer from Maribel. Only Brittany could answer my questions but she didn't seem willing to do that.
"Did she tell you that?" Maribel asked me and I frowned.
"Not with those exact words but I'm not stupid."
"You shouldn't assume things." Maribel said but then sucked her lips inside her mouth like she wasn't supposed to tell me that, effectively making me frown confused. "Santanita." She sighed then and patted my hand. "Brittany has a past, honey. You know that better than any of us. She has a past that is sacred to her and you've been patient for so long, why can't you be for a little more? I'm sure it'll be worth it." My mother told me softly. She made me actually feel guilty for pushing Brittany. It was true that I was patient with Brittany for a long time and I promised that I would be for as long as it was necessary. I never wanted to push her and Maribel made me realize that this was what I was doing. So I decided to apologize to her when I would be back at home, ignoring my confusion and question about what Brittany's past had to do with this, and put those feelings aside.
"I want to stay here tonight." Alice said, tugging my hand to get my attention. I didn't even notice when she came in the kitchen.
"If you're good then maybe." I answered, thinking that I should ask Brittany first. Alice tugged my shoulder and I leaned down so she could kiss my cheek before leaving the kitchen again. I took out my phone to send a text to my girlfriend.
To Brittany: Ali wants to stay at my mom's tonight. Is it ok?
"Santanita." Maribel called and I turned to see that she was looking at me with concern in her eyes and it made me frown confused once again. Maribel was acting weirdly but she didn't let me think about it for too long. "You don't always have to put your feelings to the side. But this isn't permanent and I promise you that things will be alright." She told me.
"How do you know that?" I asked, because I wanted something, a confirmation that everything would be fine.
"Mothers know."
"Well, I might be a mother too." I said making my mother smile proudly at me.
"Then you know that Brittany loves you, that she would do anything to have you, she'd give body and soul to keep you by her side."
"Did she tell you that?" I wondered.
"That wouldn't be necessary, I saw it in the way she looks at you. Like you're her beginning and end." Maribel said, effectively making my heart melt inside my chest. Just then my phone buzzed and I turned to take it and open the text message.
From Brittany: So, you chose to be Ali's friend? If no then she asked permission from you and you're the one who gets to decide. It's up to you, my love. I'll see you later.
Brittany obviously knew that I didn't want to be Alice's friend, otherwise she wouldn't tell me this. I just wanted to have her in front of me at that moment so I could apologize to her for pushing her before kissing her like there was no tomorrow.
"Mommy?" A tiny voice called quietly and I turned to see Alice at the doorway, having her hands behind her back and nervously going back and forth on her feet.
"Your mommy's not here, honey." I answered hesitantly, not really believing that she was talking to me. But she was looking at me expectantly and when Maribel hit my ribcage with her elbow I realized that little Alice was actually talking to me. My eyes widened and I stared at her for long moments, causing her to come to me. She climbed on my chair and sat on me and cupped my cheeks so I would turn to look at her.
"Mommy?" She called again, like she was trying to understand if she was allowed to call me that or not. But I didn't know either so I started freaking out, although I knew that I shouldn't. I didn't want to show that to the kid though, so I cleared my throat to get my voice back.
"What is it?" I asked as I put my arms protectively around her. I didn't know if I should correct her or not, so I didn't say anything about it and decided to ask my girlfriend later.
"I was good, can I stay here tonight?" She asked me while pushing my cheeks with her tiny hands, making my lips look like I was a fish. I thought that it wouldn't be a problem if the kid stayed with my mother that night. Maribel always liked having her over, it was like she was bringing the house back to life, plus the next day was Sunday and Alice didn't have to go to the kindergarten.
"Ok." I whispered, causing her to giggle and hug my neck tightly. I immediately hugged her back thinking that it shouldn't surprise me so much that little Alice had called me 'mommy' because I was as close to her as Brittany was and it made sense that the kid would start seeing me as her parent too. Especially after scolding her that day. And it made me happy, effectively making some of my doubts vanish.
Maribel leaned in and kissed my cheek before whispering in my ear.
"Everything will eventually be as they should be, Santanita. Be patient."
…
When I got home later that night I knew that my girlfriend would be home as well and that she would be tired. I took off my shoes and went in the bedroom to find Brittany in bed, seemingly sleeping. I sighed as I silently took off my shirt and jeans.
"San?" She called quietly, but she startled me anyway. I turned to see her looking at me with half-closed eyes and I smiled at her.
"I thought you were sleeping." I whispered and she hummed while she gestured for me to go closer. And I did after I put on shorts and a tank top.
"Did Ali stay at your mom's?" She asked me and I nodded as I fell on my stomach, face first on the pillow. I decided to not ask if it was ok or not because Brittany told me that it was fine. My hands disappeared under the pillow, the cool sheets causing me to shiver slightly. Brittany shifted on the bed and shuffled closer to me, one leg going over the back of my thighs while her hand went to gently caress my back. "Is everything ok?" She asked me after a while and I sighed as I turned my head on the pillow to look at her.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for pushing you about things. I was selfish and stuff and I think that it'd be best if I just let us be together for a while without talking about confusing things." I mumbled obviously nervous, making Brittany widen her eyes. She didn't seem to be sleepy anymore.
"Honey no, please don't apologize. It makes absolute sense that you want the person that you're in love with to share the same values as you. And I do, I promise. Don't apologize, you're not selfish." She told me as she kissed my arm and I sighed relieved. I closed my eyes, already feeling my breaths being lighter than before. "I really want you to have Ali without thinking about marriage. I mean I was waiting for her to feel like you're her mom too so we wouldn't force it on her, you know? But if you feel like you need it then we should do this. I'll be by your side the whole way." She whispered making me open my eyes wide and arch my eyebrows in surprise. I stared at her for long moments because I thought that we had just agreed to not talk about it, but Brittany was actually telling me that she wanted me to have Alice's custody.
"Are you serious?" I whispered.
"Yes." She whispered back and I sucked my lips inside my mouth in my effort to not let my eyes fill with tears.
"Britt." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Ali called me 'mommy' today." I mumbled and there was a brief silence but I didn't dare to open my eyes again.
"Really?" She finally asked and then I looked at her. "Honey, that's great!" She told me smiling brightly at me as she climbed on top of me, trapping me between the mattress and her body.
"Baby, I can't breathe!" I grunted and she huffed as her hands find mine under the pillow and entwined our fingers by our sides.
"Well, I'm sorry I annoyed you with my love." She said back and I rolled my eyes. "And this isn't what you said last night." She added making me groan when sexy thoughts of Brittany and me, being in this exact position last night, came to my mind. But I quickly pushed them away because I wanted to know if she was serious about Alice or not, although she told me that she was.
"Brittany, are you serious?" I asked again because I still couldn't believe it. I felt as her pierced lips softly started kissing my exposed shoulder blades.
"Yeah." She whispered and I could feel my heartbeats increasing at what all of this meant. Brittany seemed to understand this because she went quiet and we stayed there in silence as I was trying to get over my surprise. "I honestly couldn't be happier that you want to make Ali yours, I'd be worried if you didn't give a fuck." She told me after a while and with a last kiss on my back, she got up from me and the bed.
I didn't know why she left but a few seconds later she came to lay on her side next to me and I turned on my side too to see that she was looking at me with blue eyes filled with unshed tears. The sudden change of mood caused my eyes to finally water as well.
"Here." She whispered and gave me a small piece of paper. I took it in my hands but I didn't look at it. I stayed still looking in those beautiful blue eyes, trying to understand how she was feeling. "Look." She told me and I bit my bottom lip before looking down to see a sonogram. I frowned questioningly, wondering if this was little Alice or not.
"Is this…?" I trailed off and Brittany shuffled closer to me as her arm went around my waist, her hand disappearing under my tank top to gently rub my lower back.
"This is our daughter." She told me, effectively making my heart skip several beats. I never thought that hearing Brittany saying that would have such an effect on me. I looked up to see that she was looking at the sonogram that I was holding between us. "I was so scared that I'd mess up when I found out that I was pregnant. I didn't know what I was doing and I was all alone. I mean yes, I raised Anna but she wasn't a baby. Ali was a real baby growing inside of me. But I refused to ask help from anyone because I didn't want to need it, you know? But then…" She trailed off and shrugged and I swallowed thickly. I looked down at the sonogram too and traced a finger over the tiny form of a baby that I could recognize.
"Britt, if I could-"
"I know and you're the only one I'd want to help me." She interrupted me before I could finish what I wanted to say. She knew that if I could I would be there for her not just when she fell pregnant but from when she was still a teenager and she was going through so tragic events and was all alone. "Everything happens for a reason though, if you were there I most probably wouldn't fall pregnant. But I love her so much and I don't ever regret having her. The only thing I regret is how I had her, I would give anything to take time back and you to be the one who would give me such a precious gift. But you can do it now too by adopting her and maybe you'll want to have another child with me. I would honestly love to have a mini-Santana running around, but don't think about that right now. I couldn't be more happy and grateful that you're adopting Ali. I love you, Santana." Her thumb wiped away a tear from my cheek but more fell to wet my skin again.
One hand went to wipe my cheeks but I just couldn't stop the tears from falling. They were tears of joy and relief and happiness and I didn't know what I wanted to do at that moment. Kiss my girlfriend that was right in front of me, looking at me with those eyes that whenever connected with mine I could feel her love going through me, or go find little Alice and hold her in my arms until the end of the world. So I decided to do both.
"We have to go get the kid." I told my girlfriend as I pecked her lips. I went to stand up but she tightened her hold around my waist, effectively bringing our bodies even closer, trapping my hand that was holding the sonogram between us.
"She's sleeping now." She told me and I frowned.
"But Britt-" I went to protest but she didn't let me, connecting our lips once again for a forceful and heated kiss that left me breathless.
"I have one more thing to give you." She whispered against my lips, making goosebumps to rise on my skin. She pecked my lips one last time before getting another paper from behind her back and giving it to me. I frowned as I took it and started reading it. And then my eyes widened.
"Sam terminated his rights?" I asked incredulously and turned to see Brittany smiling her perfect smile at me. "How did you do that? You need a lawyer to represent you at the hearing and you need Sam to agree." I said dumbly, making my girlfriend chuckle.
"Quinn helped me."
"But Quinn has nothing to do with family law. She's a criminal defense lawyer." I mumbled confused.
"But she works at the same firm with Blaine." Brittany said pointedly.
"Blaine?"
"Quinn said that Sam isn't a very bright man and it was easy to guilt him and into this. Blaine just wanted money for the case. Now the only thing still need to be done is the social worker to come see that we're the perfect couple and that you're great for Ali and you're not abusive and all this shit and then it'll be the hearing and then we can sign and then we'll officially have a daughter together."
"Oh my god." I breathed, staring at my girlfriend in disbelief. I swore that I would do anything that I could to give Quinn her daughter, not only because she was my friend, but also because she gave me my daughter as well.
I knew that I had to work on my issue to not scold Alice but Brittany would be by my side so I knew I would get over that insecurity. And I couldn't be happier at that moment, sharing a child with Brittany was something that my brain still couldn't fully grasp. I actually thought that my brain wouldn't be able to grasp that for a really long time.
It scared me to have that responsibility, to depend on me another human's life. But at the same time I loved that little human who needed us and I promised then and there to do anything and everything that I could to keep little Alice safe and make her happy for the rest of my life. A life that I would spend with her and Brittany, a life that I couldn't wait to live but also wanting it go slow so I could enjoy every second of it. To enjoy my family that could possibly grow in the future.
It was like Brittany and I agreed to spend our lives together with the purpose to raise Alice right. And we sealed the deal with an erotic kiss, a kiss that ecstatically took us high and then gently brought us down to reality again. A reality that had me impatiently waiting to live in.
I was so happy that I had momentarily forgotten that Brittany still didn't want to marry me.