Canon vs Fanon (Hetalia)

Author: Ashynarr

Summary: Because sometimes the fandom needs to be reminded what canon is actually like...

Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

Warning: This is making use of my America and Canada in the comparison (as the 'canon' characters, although I will admit they aren't completely true to canon). If you want to know more, check out my stories!

((Human names are (my) canon chars, Nation names are fanon chars.))

Part The Second: Oh God Why

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"H-hey, Canada, there's really no reason ya have to do this-"

"Shut up!" Canada threw another knife, America barely dodging in time. "You're the reason I'm always ignored! Always mistaken for you, always paying for your mistakes."

The man grinned, laughing deeply. "But I'm going to fix all of that soon, starting with you, you fat, miserable piece of-"

Two thumps sounded outside the bedroom door, followed by groaning. Canada frowned, lowering the blade he'd been about to take to the other Nation. "There shouldn't be anybody here… I made sure no one would come by today."

America freverently prayed it was some sort of rescue team here to lock up his sudden nutjob of a neighbor.

Canada slowly pushed open the door, blade hidden just out of sight of whoever had suddenly decided to show up, but still clearly visible to the frightened superpower. America used the distraction to try to look for a way out, but Canada had been thorough - there were no windows to escape through, and he didn't think he could break down a wall before he ended up mincemeat.

"God damnit, Al," Someone who sounded like his brother but couldn't have been muttered from outside. "Where'd you sent us this time?"

"What makes you think I know?" America put a hand to his throat, wondering why his voice was now coming from that direction.

"Who are you?" Ah, there was the psycho, though he was using his 'oh look I'm totally not a killer in the making' voice. Canada seemed confused and nervous, his blade twitching as he looked at whoever was speaking, though America couldn't see them from where he was.

Wait, he could fix that. He slowly started scooting towards the corner, but was only able to see two pairs of jean clad legs before he bumped into the other wall.

"Dude, we're you from another universe. Well, he is anyway, I'm Alfred. Or America. Whichever one you use."

Blink. Blink blink. Pinch- ow.

Okay, so apparently he'd just somehow saved himself. He didn't know whether that was cool or weird. Whatever, the longer other-him (if that was who he was) distracted the crazy guy, the better chance he had to find something to knock Canada out with so that he could…

What, throw him in jail? Get him therapy? Hug it out?

He could think of it later, first, something that wouldn't do too much damage…

"What are you doing here?"

Other-Canada sighed. "Let's just say this idiot gets bored too easily and somehow convinced me that playing with Tony's things was a great idea."

'Lucky bastard,' America briefly pouted, holding the lamp he'd grabbed by the rod. 'Why don't I get to mess with Tony's stuff?'

"What're you doing, anyways?" Other-America asked.

"Oh, nothing really, just- chatting with my brother."

'Oh god, don't look back don't look back don't look back-'

A head briefly peeked into view, and if he had any doubts before, they were lost on seeing his practical mirror image looking back at him. America briefly sent a swift glance to Canada along with a shushing motion, hoping other-him would get it. Other-him glanced between the two of them, lips briefly pressing into a frown before disappearing again.

" 'bout what?" Angels must have been looking after him today. While Canada continued to be distracted playing nice, America crept closer, slowly bringing the lamp overhead, then-

Canada went down like a rock, knife clattering to the floor along with the remains of the lamp base. America could have cried in relief if it weren't for the two weird looks he was now getting.

"Hey, he was about to kill me before you showed up, alright?" America gestured to the knife. "Kept going on about how it was my fault his life sucked - even though that's totes not true - and that he was gonna get rid of me first and-"

"Seriously?" Other-America grimaced, not seeming to doubt him. "Did you guys ignore him a lot, though?"

"No!" At the look he got, he dipped his head. "...maybe sometimes, but it's not like I can always be there for him."

"I swear there must be something broken in the multiverse sometimes." Other-Canada muttered, kicking the knife well away from the prone body. "Stupid invisibility glitch…"

"If we find out there's someone in charge of all this, you'll have plenty to rant at them about, I'm sure." Other-him frowned. "Not that I don't have my own complaints, but-"

Other-him shook his head, turning back to him. "So, uh, what'd you wanna do with him, anyways?"

"I don't know yet. I'm sorta hoping this whole crazy-murder thing was temporary, or it'll be really hard to get him through therapy."

"At least he's not as bad as crazy-Natalya, right?"

"Who?"

"Belarus." Other-Canada commented, picking up Canada and dragging him back into the bedroom so he wasn't lying on the floor. Apparently being considerate was a common trend among Canadas.

Thankfully, crazy apparently wasn't.

"It happens to her too?" America shook his head; he liked Belarus usually - anyone who appreciated rock was by law a good person, even with strange incest fantasies.

"More than you could image." Other-him sympathized. "Imagine crazy-Matt, only more so."

America shuddered.

A device on Other-him's belt beeped, Other-him pulling it off to look at it. "Hey, Matt, Tony's got a lock on us, we can head back whenever."

"That was fast; it usually takes a few days for him to find us."

"For all we know, it might've been; time is really fuckin weird when you're talking parallel universes."

"You're telling me."

Other-him pressed a few buttons on the device, Other-Canada moving to stand next to him. "Alright, that should be it. This trip wasn't too bad, right Matt?"

Other-Canada rolled his eyes. "Fortunately for you. You still owe me from the last trip, you know."

"I'll get it to you next week, sheesh." Other-him turned to look at America. "Oh, and before I forget, don't-"

The two were gone. No flash of light, no popping noise or fading out. It was kinda disappointing.

America glanced back into the bedroom, where Canada had yet to stir.

...He could live with that for now.

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AN: Sooooooooooooooooooooo yeah. After almost two years, I finally wrote the long-awaited sequel to this story, aha. You may notice a difference in the summary and author's note from the first chapter, because after a while i realized that really, my portrayal was closer to true canon while the characters I mocked were mostly a product of fanon.

I'll probably throw things into here occasionally as I think of tasteful things I can make fun of. Trust me, there's quite a lot I'd get shit for if I expressed my full thoughts on it (read: omegaverse), so sadly I can't do everything I want to, but that's life for you.

I've noticed snapped!Canada has sort of disappeared from ffnet lately. I wonder why.