Hey guys, firstofall I am so sorry for the hiatus and THANK YOU so so much for following and reviewing and favoriting ( is that a real word?). Most of the time I think people don't bother with this story so again, thank you, I love you! I know this chapter is not much, though I still hope you enjoy it. I got caught up in a lot of real life stuff and had almost zero time for writing. Additionally I got saved from drowning in Cophine feels by a ship named Vauseman and yeah...I got a little occupied with that and hit by a lot of One-Shot ideas. Well, I won't abandon this story, don't worry but I don't know when I will be able to update again.
Enough said. I hope you read, enjoy and review :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Sunlight is warming her face, the earth soft beneath her weightless body. The air is frozen in infinity, filled with a silent void and a deep fulfilling peace hums gently through her empty mind. Everything is blissfully calm, leaving her needlessly happy, relaxed, without a thing amiss to complete her state of seldom balance between head, body and heart. Suddenly the faint flapping of wings disturbs her, somewhere out of her vision, which she tries to ignore. The rustling fades away only to be replaced by an annoying tapping, tugging unpleasantly at her consciousness. She wants it to die down, to leave her in this otherworldly place, where she can exist carelessly. The sound is persistent, though, repeating itself in unsteady intervals, growing louder, demanding even, the longer she avoids it.
The next second Delphine cracks her eyes open, unceremoniously being dropped back into reality.
The warmth and the, bordering on numbness, relaxation pass the border with her between dream and another dingy morning, one she preferred to leave her alone for a couple more hours. It is still too dark for sunlight in the room full of shadows, the place she slowly falls back into, in this particular bed with this particular body moving in gentle inhales and exhales beneath her, too welcoming, not a thing in the world can pry her away from it. She is close to surrendering to her subconsciousness again, when the last thing, which danced the fine line between fiction and the real world with her, knocks forcefully on the forefront of her mind again and lastly pulls her back into the here and now.
Disoriented she needs a couple of moments to locate the irritating rapping, eventually does so and turns her body, still heavy with sleep, to the large window. An owl is sitting there, waiting for her, impatiently rapping its claw or beak against the glass, large yellow eyes piercing the obscure distance. Delphine doesn't want to leave the bed, not the person, which sleeps on undisturbed right next to her; nonetheless, she has to because she knows this owl, not even her limited vision makes her doubt. She feels like cursing into the pillow and neck in front of her, instead she rises carefully from the rumpled sheets and prays that she doesn't step on anything on her way towards the waiting animal.
Released from its baggage the owl takes off immediately, probably to hunt in the early hours of dawn, leaving Delphine behind, shivering in the cold air. The cold wakes the trembling blonde further up, like a bucket of ice-cold water splashed in her face, while she, as silent as possible, unfolds the letter. The ink and the hand-writing tell her, that she was right in her assumption before she reads the short message as quickly as she damns it.
McGonagall tells her it is time. Time to tell the truth, spill; come clean to the slumbering girl a couple of feet away from her, not something Delphine is excited about, definitely not on Christmas morning. Foolishly she had believed that she could delay this conversation with her girlfriend until after the holidays, until they were back in Hogwarts, where Cosima could keep her distance easier than in her own home, where Cosima didn't have to kick her out to ignore her.
But the Ravenclaw deserves to know this and Delphine has no right to suddenly withhold it from her, not when she promised not even a month ago that she would be honest, not when she could be in danger.
Quietly the French sneaks back into bed, tries to enjoy that Cosima curls into her the moment she lies down, imagines that this could be the last time she is allowed to watch the girl sleep, to be merely close to touch her. Words of apology and reason already form in her head:
I'm so sorry.
You don't understand.
It is not as bad as it sounds.
It's worse, Delphine thinks bitterly, staring at Cosima's peaceful face, knowing that this will be a long day.
A loud, happy shriek rouses the whole house from sleep a couple of hours later. Everybody knows Alison is responsible for that, though, nobody blames her, it is almost tradition by now that she does something similar every year, when Beth steps out of the fireplace first thing in the morning.
Except for the reunited duo, each sibling helps Ms. S. to prepare breakfast, apart from Rachel, which accompanies them to the kitchen because she is disturbed by that much affection, who vanishes behind the Daily Prophet.
The second, however, Beth calls for them to open presents, they all abandon the adult in the kitchen to storm into the main room of the pub. During the most important holidays it is closed, serving the large family as a living room, larger than the one at the end of the corridor, which links the pub to the rest of the house.
Next to a proper Christmas tree, bending under too much decoration, some clearly from days in which the twins were still younger, crackles a majestic fire, its flames dangerously close to four socks dangling from the mantel, which overflow with sweets.
Half-way through breakfast they all gather in front of the generous mountain of presents that billows from under the tree. Sarah hands out each and every package by passing them over, close to throwing them like a Quaffel, individually, while Delphine wonders how she never misses one of them, binged up like a goblin on a sugar-high.
More and more presents get revealed as the wrapping paper gathers around them until it covers most of their legs.
Sarah almost faints when she unwraps her present and holds onto a hand-made Silver Arrow from 1931, still able to fly and in an excellent condition, Rachel actually sways a little on her feet as the others tell her, that when they come back from school in summer a muggle, someone called a carpenter, will have installed a second gigantic glass panel in her room, so she can stare out onto the street completely unimpeded as much as she wants.
Helena is completely speechless when Ms. S. and Sarah gently hand her a tiny kitten with reddish fur and big brown eyes, while Beth and Alison loose it a bit over each other's presents everybody else finds a bit cheesy. Delphine is touched to the point of happy-tears by the way Cosima stares in awe at the Altimeter, invented in the late 19th century by muggle, French, scientist Louis Paul Cailletet, cries some more when Cosima hands her two fragile looking books on really rare, really old transfiguration spells. Delphine can't believe that Cosima took notice, that almost each and every book she reads at Hogwarts revolves around that issue and that she gets a Christmas present for the first time in her life.
They spent the day lounging in front of the fireplace, playing with Grace, the baby cat, in the snow and with a half-hearted Quidditch game, during which Delphine stays on the ground together with Helena.
Little Felix and his parents come over for dinner, which is a feast, able to compete with Hogwarts' holiday-meals, answering Delphine's question where Ms. S. has gone to the whole day. The food is delicious in a way only that home-cooked with love can be, regardless, Delphine's appetite is meek, her stomach cramping up painfully, since she remembers what she has to do once everything is eaten up by Sarah and Helena, cleaned and put away.
She dreads the way this beautiful night is most likely to end, angry with herself that she is the one that has to ruin this for Cosima but there is no way around it anymore if she doesn't do it tonight, she will come up with excuses to postpone it even longer.
So when everybody starts to nod off in the living room, she asks Cosima, if she wants to take a walk around the lake. The air is crisp, too cold for snow, the night sky littered with million glittering stars, shining down on the two girls trudging through the darkness, holding hands. It is so romantic, it's unfair, Delphine reckons, then remembers that she is the unfair one by going to destroy this night with her words.
"Man…after that much food I need to smoke…I can't believe Helena ate the whole plate of cookies after dinner." Cosima muses beside her and pats down her coat for a joint. Delphine releases her hand and takes a couple of steps toward the shore of the lake, whose water is pitch-black, starting to freeze where it meets the land:
"Maybe you should not smoke right now." The blonde says, already struggling to go through with this, to keep the guilt and the shame from making her voice tremble.
Cosima looks puzzled at her, stops searching her pockets:
"Why not?"
Delphine sees that her girlfriend instantly knows that something is up, of course she does, she is the smartest witch she knows. The torn French takes a long, deep breath, the cold air sharpening her mind, focusing on the importance of what she is going to reveal rather than her fears and selfish wish to tell Cosima everything is fine:
"Because McGonagall send me an owl this morning. The time is right to tell you."
Cosima stiffens, visibly even in the faint starlight, creasing her eyebrows, the gears turning audibly in her head. After a long moment of loaded silence she says:
"Everything?"
"Everything." Delphine responds with a nod: "Whatever you want to know, I am going to tell you."
By now, she can feel how Cosima pulls away from her inwardly, how she hardens and braces herself for things she probably doesn't want to hear, just like Delphine doesn't really want to tell her:
"Why did you come to Hogwarts?"
The first question is already one Delphine will regret to answer honestly, one that needs explanation and she hopes Cosima will stay around long enough to listen:
"I am not a regular student at Hogwarts."
"That much I know already." Cosima scoffs, the irritation in her voice, stinging more on Delphine's face than the ice in the air around them. She sighs, wishing really, really hard to not have this talk:
"Cosima…you don't understand…" Even in her own ears she sounds patronizing and isn't surprised when Cosima snaps at her, she deserves it:
"Then make me!"
"I'm not a student at all…I finished school two years ago." Delphine declares, not able to meet her lover's eyes, not her face, which is a mask of confusion:
"You're right, I don't understand." The sound is teeth grinding, bristling anger, wrecked trust and Delphine is sure, that statement alone is enough to shatter her fragile relationship with Cosima. She would not need to say anything more to lose the girl in front of her; the girl she hoped naively would catch her at the end of her fall. Now, Cosima will presumably step aside to let her crash and burn.
"I will explain…just…s'il te plait…let me finish…" she begs. Cosima gives her only a curt nod in response.
"My parents are Death Eaters. When the dark…you-know-who…vanished sixteen years ago…they betrayed him…said that someone used the Imperius Curse on them. Now, that he is back they want to get back on good terms with him. They want me to be like them and sent me to Hogwarts as a spy…"
"I am so stupid." Cosima interrupts her seething: "How could you! Fuck you!" she screams and Delphine flinches under the brutality of her voice, her heart shattering helplessly:
"Please…please…just listen to me…" she sobs.
"Liar!" Cosima screams again, at the top of her lungs, raging, unforgiving, her tone sharper than knives, more hurtful than any curse could ever be.
"I didn't want to! I didn't tell them anything and I won't! I'm not like them!" Delphine tries to defend herself.
"Oh yeah? Then what did you do every night? Where did you go, if you didn't snoop around?" Cosima retorts, so angry that her small body is shaking, her normally gentle brown eyes spraying sparks.
"I only came to Hogwarts because…Cosima, I am not normal…and I hoped the teachers at Hogwarts could help me." Delphine admits defeated:
"I am a Metamorphmagus."
"Bullshit!" the girl she loves hisses at the blonde, chest heaving, breathe puffing out of her lungs in steamy clouds.
Delphine is aware that she sounds pitiful, that Cosima will not believe her only because of her words, why should she, after what she just confessed. So she gives in to the urge that clawed at her insides ever since the argument started, sometimes it is too hard to control and her compulsive behavior in stressful situations rarely made things easier for her, now though, it is the only thing she can think of so Cosima understands that she is not lying.
Pictures spark in her mind of fur and paws; the feeling of sharp teeth in her mouth, the scent of snow and Cosima's anger gets more prominent every second. She knows what she wants to be, what she wants to look like, it is her favorite transfiguration, one she already did a thousand times.
Cristal clear the image is in her head.
Cosima is speechless from anger, incapable to comprehend what Delphine just told her, deeply hurt by the betrayal and furious that the blonde has the audacity to lie in her face right now. Metamorphmagi are an extremely rare kind of shape-shifting witches or wizards, so rare in fact that Cosima can only think of one person she knows to be able to do that and that is Nymphadora Tonks, definitely not Delphine Cormier.
Frankly, she is so convinced of that, that she tumbles to the ground when Delphine morphs seamlessly into a wolf in front of her eyes, that one in fact, which saved her on her very first day of school this year from Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle.
The animal, no Delphine, looks as breathtaking and stunning as when she first met her, intimidatingly tall, her fur shining silver in the milky moonlight, her eyes liquid amber and sadder than she ever saw them. As the beast comes nearer Cosima raises her wand in a reflex, so shocked by this new information that her brain cannot draw the line between wolf and human. Her hand, her whole arm trembles like a tiny twig in a hurricane the closer Delphine comes, if Delphine really is a Death Eater she can kill her now, bite her head off, end her young life will end, for she is too frightened to think of a single spell that could keep her safe.
She squeezes her eyes shut, overwhelmed by so many emotions they get too big for her heart, they seep into her brain, making it useless.
Then soft tentative fingers touch her cheek and her eyes spring open again, big and wide with fear:
"When I was younger I couldn't control it…I came to Hogwarts because I heard of McGonagall. She and Tonks give me extra lessons in transfiguration so I can learn to use it. And they help me to make my parents believe I do what they told me." Delphine whispers quietly, kneeling on the wet ground in front of a stunned Cosima.
"I didn't mean to fall for you. I wasn't supposed to, but I have." She says her voice and eyes overflowing with sadness and guilt, the emotion, though, which brings tears to Cosima's own eyes, is love.
"How can I possibly believe that, Delphine?" Cosima chokes, fighting down the desire to simply believe the blonde and the voice of reason which tells her to stand her ground.
"Because this is not a lie." Delphine tries to reason with her, has a very valid point because what she feels, what she knows is there undeniably between them, is raw and real and cannot be made up:
"It's not possible." The blonde continues and somewhere in her hurt mind Cosima admits that it is not possible to fall so deeply in love with a fraud.
But Cosima is still angry because Delphine still kept this from her for a long time, still betrayed her trust and possibly even used her in some way. She wants to hold onto her anger, to live it out, so she can concentrate on what she is supposed to do now, when suddenly smoke, darker than the night falls down from the sky, hits the earth like a whispering gush of wind.
A booming, lunatic voice cuts through the night, one that reminds Cosima in its madness of Bellatrix Lestrange and makes her shiver for utter different reasons than Delphine's revelations:
"Oh sweet sister, come out, come out wherever you are!" the voice cuts through the darkness.
Cosima wants to grab onto her, keep her from obeying this order but she is already too late, as she turns her head back to where Delphine has just been kneeling the blonde already vanished.
tbc