Canon vs Fanon (Hetalia)

Author: Ashynarr

Summary: Because sometimes the fandom needs to be reminded what canon is actually like...

Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

Warning: This is making use of my America and Canada in the comparison (as the 'canon' characters, although I will admit they aren't completely true to canon). If you want to know more, check out my stories!

((Human names are (my) canon chars, Nation names are fanon chars.))

Part the Eighth: Even I Don't Know How It Works

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Alfred held up a hand, trying to think of something to say and failing several times as he processed everything he'd just heard from their alternates. Matthew likely would have given him a sympathetic look and a pat on the back if he weren't similarly dazed, which was less comforting than the American hoped as he tried to reply to the… the…

"...I don't think that's how biology works," He eventually decided. "Or evolution. Or society. Or anything at all ever."

"And how would you know that?" His counterpart asked, shifting his stance slightly to appear more intimidating.

Alfred found it almost amusingly adorable. "First off, I am the literal anthropomorphic personification of the United States of America, so I know all my people's cultures backwards and forwards better than any anthropologist could ever dream of, and right off the bat this whole… Alpha and Omega thing sounds even more fucking pointless and oppressive than I've had to deal with from racism and sexism and everything else.

"Secondly, while I'm not a trained biologist like Eddie or Rose, there's something smelling faintly of bullshit and possibly alien intervention when you mention basically the most bass-ackwards reproduction cycles I have ever heard of, and let me tell you I have had nightmares of some of the things those two have talked about, and that's without Bella getting her hands on their descriptions of these things and making more scifi B-grade movies with them in it…"

Matthew coughed, drawing his brother out of the diverging line of thought his complaints were starting to travel.

"And finally, I'm not positive since we just got here, but how does it even make sense that history would go anywhere close to the same when you're talking about an entirely functionally and culturally different species to what we have back at our place?" Alfred shook his head, looking around to the buildings which would not have looked out of place in their own world. "Like, the odds of that are so fucking low you couldn't pass a photon under them."

"Manehattan," The Canadian personification supplied, drawing a shudder from the American personification.

"We do not talk about that mockery."

"Um," Matt's counterpart asked, wincing at bit at the looks he got. "Is it really that big a deal? I mean, I don't see what's so strange about it?"

"No one thinks of their own culture as strange," Matthew replied gently. "It's just a bit of a shock since it's… fairly different from those we're used to."

"I thought we'd been dumped in a freaking werewolf universe of something," Alfred muttered. "I mean, who asks why you smell weird right off the bat?"

"Hey, it's not my fault your scents are all fucked up," The human American shrugged. "You're the one who got all uptight about it."

"Because normal people don't go around smelling others casually and then telling them that," Alfred replied right back, looking the human down. "Seriously, do you want me to throw you onto a building or something? Because your posturing thing and the whole big tough guy act is getting sorta old, and I don't know how strong you are, but I fucking benchpress tanks for my weekend workout, so don't test me."

Both humans glanced to Matthew, who shrugged. "He got it from Uncle Tino - sometimes they try and see who can throw the largest boulders into the lake and generally get me soaked in the process."

Alfred's human counterpart paled and backed down after that, which was almost a shame because showing off was always the best part of the whole multiversal explanation process.

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AN: Yes, this is prodding at Omegaverse and how popular its gotten since I joined the fandom. No, I am not bashing it as a kink, because I know people have weird kinks they like and who am I to tell people what they like in sexy time stuff?

However, what I /am/ complaining about is when people try to make a /plot/ out of it all because... honestly? Omegaverse makes NO SENSE in any logical context at all, ergo, just leave it to porn please because no logic is needed there. I mean, I took biological anthropology and learned a lot behind the conditions of how modern humans evolved (theoretically), and really? I just cannot think of ANY good reasoning for any of the omegaverse to evolve under any conditions near close enough to us to actually consider them in the same family, much less the same species.

(Alfred covers all the rest of my complains nicely, I guess, so I'll stop rambling and muttering here.)