Shadows and Fangs – The Years After
As promised, here are a few extra snippets more focused on Shikadai. There's no underlying plot, it's just a collection of scenes from his childhood that I'm posting for fun, since I'd already written them. :) Two more chapters will follow.
Enjoy! And Happy Holidays!
When the time came – all too quickly – for their children to start attending the Ninja Academy, no one except Shino was actually ready for it. Oh, the Aburame was raring to go – rumors abounded of how passionately he'd insisted to be the one in charge of that particular class for the past five years. Blackmail, threats, bribes, strikes, official motions, pranks…not a single scenario had been left out and each had made Shino's frown deepen even more while Kiba laughed even louder.
His former team for their part were positively thrilled that he was so excited, but Karui thought that only further proved 'how weird the guy is'.
Among the parents, reactions varied greatly; among the children, not so much.
Lee, having returned home a few years back and already set his son on the path of Konoha's Green Beast (as he'd put it), rather enjoyed watching them fret, a trait he shared with his son – and his former teacher.
Tenten and Omoi had eventually gotten married in Kumo, and a few years later she'd opened her own weapons shop, an old childhood dream of hers. And just a few months earlier, she'd given birth to twin girls they'd called Mayui and Nemui – so a start at the academy was nowhere near on the horizon for them just yet.
In Suna, Temari and Sojiro's daughter Natsu had already been acing her classes for the better part of a year, closely followed by her rival and cousin Shinki. Because of the scars left by Temari's pregnancy, they hadn't had any other children, despite having originally wanted to – but they were quite happy as they were, all things considered. On top of being a natural with the Satoshi clan's poison blood release, she'd also inherited the ability to control sand, which had the entire village quite excited about her future.
Gaara and Darami, surprisingly, didn't remain idle. One year after Shinki, they'd had a girl they named Yodo, and then the next year, a boy named Araya. When jokingly asked why they'd been in such a hurry, they seriously replied it was easier to just leave the toddler stage for good at one point rather than to drag it on over half a decade or more. (It was a very valid point.)
Gaara also added that it was the age difference he and his siblings shared, and his wish was for his children to be as close as they'd become. (Kankuro and Temari nearly teared up upon hearing this and those present politely pretended not to notice.)
After years of near-breakups, Kankuro had gotten his act together and married Tsuneo – after coming to the conclusion that however terrifying it was being with him, it was nothing compared to being without him, in the end. Together they'd adopted an orphaned boy called Shigure, whom he hoped to eventually train as a puppeteer – as he was Araya's age though, he wouldn't start the academy just yet.
Through it all, the puppet master still had a really hard time toning down his smugness every time one of his nieces or nephews commented on how cool he was – 'Uncle Kankuro' was definitely completely the most easily persuaded (and manipulated) adult around them.
But in Konoha, Naruto bragged about how he'd taught all sorts of pranks to his son, while Hinata reassured their friends (and mostly Shino) that she'd also had a talk with him to remind him to think things through before acting. Boruto just chuckled gleefully as he mentally went over all the stuff he'd get to do now that his parents and little sister wouldn't be looking over his shoulder all day long.
Chouji was scared to let his little girl go, while Karui was happy to see her getting started 'for real'. Chocho for her part couldn't wait to leave her mark on the village – and just worried about having to sit through all those classes without snacks, although Shino would likely make an exception for her, right? Because he and her daddy were pals, weren't they? And pals didn't let their pals' children starve in class, did they?
Sai was almost more curious than his son, since he hadn't attended the academy himself, while Ino held high hopes for him to uphold the Yamanakas' excellent academic standards. Inojin did his best to keep both parents equally pleased and appeased – but on the inside, he was bursting with excitement at the prospect of doing so many new things.
Sakura was as excited as her daughter, because she'd always loved school herself, 'and that's where you meet your friends for life', she'd added sagely. Sarada put on a happy smile for her, but secretly looked around in hopes of seeing a tall black-haired man who never showed up – never matter, she was going to be so good that when he finally did, he'd be extra-proud of her!
Kiba actually didn't know if he was more excited for Shino or his kid, and Shikamaru indulged him as he tried to help motivate their son. Shikadai clearly didn't see what all the fuss was about – he already knew who he was going to team up with anyway, right? And it wasn't like he'd learn his clan's techniques at the academy…nothing that couldn't be learned elsewhere would be taught there! All school would do was throw his carefully constructed napping schedule into chaos…
But the children soon all realized that the academy was fun, all things considered. Sure, you had to sit and be quiet, but you learned about great shinobi, and which plants could be used as weapons or be safely eaten, and how to properly throw a shuriken without hurting yourself (it was harder than it looked), and the amazing things they'd be able to do with their chakra one day, and a million of other cool things that you could even practice on your own when the lessons were over. Being with your friends all day long was nice, too – the best part, actually.
Mirai and Kao were genin now, so they weren't at school with them, but Shisen was, with his nin-dog Kimaru, and he never missed an opportunity to find his cousin during recess to show him the 'amazingly advanced' things he'd learned that morning.
Truly, Shisen had to be the most curious person Shikadai had ever met in his whole five years of existence: he always wanted to see, touch, smell, understand and share everything. He was also the most affectionate person he'd ever met (and he was half-Inuzuka, so that was saying a lot). He and Kimaru – because nin-dogs more often than not ended up taking their cues from their master – usually greeted him with a hug, and he'd given up on fighting them off long ago because they truly looked hurt when he did it so he figured it was okay.
Metal Lee often tagged along with him, since they were in the same class, and had similar enthusiasm levels, but he greeted him with a nice-guy pose, not a hug, thankfully – even if sometimes he looked like he was considering trying the hugging thing too.
Shikadai liked them, but he always felt like taking a nap after they left. (He usually did, too, to his uncle Shino's sadness and resignation.)
And yeah, admittedly, he enjoyed school, after he'd gotten over the initial agony of having to wake up early in the morning and leave his cozy bed to walk there – when Akamaru wasn't available to carry him.
The first time he actually hated it was when Shino taught them about clans one day – specifically, about how they all had their specialties and secrets that are only passed down to their members. Most kids in their class thought it was extremely cool.
Shikadai just realized that meant he'd never get a nin-dog like his cousins, because he was a Nara, not an Inuzuka – even though he'd been looking forward to it since Shisen got his last year. And he now understood why they had red marks on their cheeks but he didn't. He cried a bit that day – he was five, he was allowed to, okay?
And Inojin and Chocho proved they were amazing best friends by covering for him to make sure no one else saw him and then did their best to cheer him up – Inojin by giving him a drawing of a really cool-looking nin-dog, Chocho by exceptionally sharing her favorite potato chips with him.
Besides, even if he wouldn't get a nin-dog of his own, he still had Akamaru, and Akamaru was the best nin-dog in the whole wide world. (Even the Kazekage said so, and if a Kage said it, it had to be true, right?) And he also regularly got to play with Kuromaru, and the Haimaru triplets, and Aomaru and Kimaru, so it was okay.
Manipulating shadows sounded really cool, too.
And that was only the beginning anyway!
If there was one thing Shikadai had inherited from his Nara genes, other than a predilection for napping, it was his tendency to mull over things on his own for some time before asking for clarification with accuracy and usually pointed expectations. Shikamaru and Kiba had long learned not to press him when he got into one of these 'moods', since he always ended up bringing his 'problems' to them anyway.
Still, when he stopped in front of his parents as they were lounging on the couch one evening and asked Shikamaru, "Dad, what's love, and how is different between couples?"
Well…there was a pause as they looked at each other in surprise at this particular subject.
Shikamaru hummed as he sat up cross-legged, wondering how one went about answering a question like that, particularly to a child.
Kiba chuckled as he gently pat his lap, which Shikamaru's head had just vacated, and Shikadai wasn't long in climbing up to look at them expectantly. "Hey, why didn't you ask me, pup?" he asked him as he pretended to be hurt.
Shikadai leaned his head back against his chest to look up at him and frowned very seriously. "Because you'd answer with sounds, not words – and this is important!" he insisted.
Far from being offended, Kiba only laughed and squeezed him tightly. "Oh, you're so cute and funny it's unbearable!" he declared as he nuzzled his cheek, grin widening as that got him chortles and half-hearted attempts to escape his clutches.
Truth be told, he would answer that question with something along the lines of, "It's when you look at someone and whoosh, your heart goes bam and suddenly you're all wobbly-wobbly and you act like whoa but inside you really feel all whoop!" (He made no excuses for himself.)
"How come you're wondering about this all of a sudden?" Shikamaru asked back, stalling for time – because really, how are you supposed to explain love to a six-years old?
"There are these two girls at the academy who're always following Inojin around – and they even told him they were in love with him, but that seems weird," Shikadai started, wiggling his nose in distaste. "You two are in love, and it's nowhere near as creepy as them – so what does it mean?"
"Ah, the throes of first romance!" Kiba cooed, sharing a look with his husband. "I guess Inojin is this generation's Sasuke! Ino must be so proud!" he added as he wiggled his eyebrows.
Forget 'proud', she was probably giving him pointers!
Shikamaru couldn't help but smirk back and then sighed as he wondered what would make sense to their son. "Well, love is…first of all, it's not the same whether you love someone, or are in love with them," he started, trying to keep it simple. "You love your family and your friends – it's a really strong affection you feel for the people who are closest to you. Do you follow me so far?"
Shikadai nodded slowly, looking down at Kiba's hands around his middle. "Yeah, I think," he confirmed with a nod. "Like I love Akamaru, and Inojin too but not in that creepy way those girls do," he added matter-of-factly, smiling slightly as Akamaru barked happily and moved over to lick his cheek.
Kiba snorted in amusement, mouthing 'too cute' to the other, and Shikamaru cleared his throat because Shikadai narrowed his eyes at him the second he dared to stop being serious.
"Yes, like that," he confirmed. "Being in love though…well, generally, you're only in love with one person at a time – and if you're lucky and it's mutual, you might end up spending your life together." Kiba nodded slightly as though to reassure him that was good enough, but their son didn't look completely satisfied.
"But how is it different?" he insisted. "How do you love dad differently than anyone else?"
"Yeah, Shika, how do you love me?" Kiba repeated innocently, looking quite interested – and completely impervious to the shadow nin's unimpressed look.
Shikamaru mentally commented to himself that those two were way two similar for his own good, and then sighed. "Well…it just feels different – even just physically. When you're in love with someone, your body reacts to them – to their voice, to their touch, to their words, to everything – and it reacts differently than with anybody else."
"But in a good way, right?" the child wondered with a frown.
"In an amazing way," Kiba assured him happily.
"I still don't get it," Shikadai admitted, crossing his arms over his chest unhappily as he didn't like not understanding things. "How can your body react differently? Is it like when you're hungry?"
"More like when something feels good," Shikamaru gently corrected in amusement.
"Wait…you mean like kissing and stuff," Shikadai said somewhat reproachfully with narrowed eyes.
"Yes, like kissing and stuff," Shikamaru confirmed, fighting back an amused grin.
Kiba laughed at their antics and then gently pushed Shikadai over towards Shikamaru. "Humor me," he told them both. "Shikadai, listen to his heartbeat."
The child raised an eyebrow but did as instructed, pressing his ear to his father's chest. "Now what?"
"Keep listening," Kiba instructed. "Can you feel the steady rhythm?" he asked him.
"Yeah," Shikadai confirmed with his eyes closed while Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, wondering what the point of that exercise was.
But Kiba only smiled mysteriously before reaching to place a hand on Shikamaru's cheek as he looked into his eyes and said, very clearly and earnestly, "I love you, Shikamaru."
Shikadai's eyes snapped open and he pulled back, looking up at Shikamaru in surprise. "Your heart went all funny when he said that!"
Kiba grinned proudly, looking quite satisfied with himself as Shikamaru grabbed his hand.
The shadow-nin smiled down at their son, raising his free hand to gently pat his head. "See? I told you – the body reacts too."
Shikadai nodded seriously, as though having reached a deeper understanding, and then hummed as he moved back to Kiba and pressed his ear to his heart. "Let's check over here too!"
"It's not infallible, pup!" Kiba fondly chided him as he gently ruffled his hair, looking up when Shikamaru called his name.
"I love you too," was all he said, with his usual confident smirk.
…How could his heart not skip a beat at that expression, even after all these years?
When Shikadai pulled back, he was visibly satisfied that this theory had been tested and confirmed. "Your heart went funny too, dad!"
"Yep, it sure did!" Kiba confirmed happily, sharing a look with Shikamaru and squeezing his hand.
The younger Nara paused and looked between them suspiciously before his gaze trailed down to their joined hands, and he huffed once. "You're going to kiss now, aren't you?"
"We'd definitely like to," Shikamaru confirmed with a smirk.
"May we?" Kiba asked as he chuckled at his expression.
Shikadai sighed and pressed his hands over his eyes, finally declaring: "Okay, you can kiss now." He felt them move and he wiggled his nose as if it was gross for the principle, but inside he felt really happy – and he was peeking through his fingers anyway.
So maybe he still didn't understand what love really was, but he was sure glad his parents felt it.
Shortly after the end of his first year at the academy, once Shikadai had learned about chakra, more specifically how to feel and use it throughout his body, his parents (finally) started teaching him some more interesting things. Shikamaru didn't teach him about shadows yet, because he insisted it was a technique that was still too advanced for him, and as he was right now it would just exhaust him. Kiba however had something else in mind that could be improved gradually and daily.
"I'm going to teach you how to smell things like I do!" he declared happily as he half-dragged him into the garden while Akamaru followed them with a cheery bark.
By nature, those of Inuzuka blood had a better than average sense of smell – even without any particular training so far, Shikadai had already baffled Shikamaru more than a few times with what he could smell. In the Inuzuka clan, scent training started much earlier, as he'd seen with Kao and Shisen, yet he knew that it was a technique that could also be worked on for other people, to a lesser degree – after all, their Hokage the Sixth was also a good tracker. But those extra couple of years, paired with their innate ability, gave the Inuzukas an extra boost that no amount of additional training could ever catch up to.
"Think I could learn it as well, to a smaller extent?" Shikamaru wondered curiously as he sat down to look at them both.
"You can take my place," Shikadai immediately volunteered, trying to sneak off.
"Not so fast, pup!" Kiba said fondly as he grabbed the back of his shirt to keep him in place. "Sorry Shika, but that wouldn't be conclusive. You're too old," he added with a shrug.
"Not what you were saying the other night," the Nara drawled back, taking advantage of the time they had left during which their son wouldn't understand their innuendos.
Kiba grinned widely as he visibly enjoyed the reminder but still shook his head. "You already assimilate smells to things or people; the training would be too confusing for you," he explained differently.
"I know how things smell!" Shikadai insisted with a frown. "I'm too old too!"
The Inuzuka chuckled at this as he kneeled to be at his eye level. "What does smoke smell like?" he humored them both.
"Bad," was the response, given in a tone that clearly said, 'obviously, dad'.
"Shikamaru?" Kiba then asked his husband, hand ruffling their son's hair.
"Old friends," the Nara said.
"And pears?" Kiba tried again.
"Food," Shikadai replied with a shrug, yet again stating the obvious.
"Akimichi liquor," Shikamaru admitted, humming at Kiba's look, finally seeing his point. "Okay, I get it. Blank slate required."
Kiba smirked in satisfaction as he knelt down in front of their kid. "Won't it be great to be able to do something even your father can't?" he asked excitedly, appealing to a young boy's competitive side – and knowing he'd won the second he'd said that. "Okay, so put your hands together like I showed you," he instructed, gently correcting his fingers. "You'll only need to do these seals in the beginning, eventually your body will automatically adapt. Think of it as gradually opening a faucet."
In the Inuzuka clan, children started this exercise earlier – any time after they'd turned three, really, it was up to the parents. But since Shikadai was a Nara, Kiba had been instructed to wait a bit longer – which he didn't exactly mind as he understood why, although on occasions the wait had been agony. Once the training began however, it went on at all times – it was something Shikadai wouldn't even need to be consciously working on so much as something he'd naturally assimilate.
"Now close your eyes and slowly concentrate on your chakra as it flows through your body. Wait until you really feel it, we're in no hurry. Then little by little, direct it to your nose."
"It smells like grass and Akamaru," Shikadai informed him plainly a moment later, nose wrinkling slightly at the strain.
Akamaru barked happily and Shikamaru grinned at his matter-of-fact tone – the kid was hilarious.
"Good," Kiba said with a grin. "Now just focus a bit more – try to smell something that's in the house, like the cakes Chocho gave you earlier," he gently encouraged. They had cinnamon in them so he could smell them without even trying, he figured it was a good start.
Shikadai hummed and wrinkled his nose even more, eyes scrunching in concentration until they snapped open and he winced, hands going to his nose. "It hurts! The smells are too strong!" he protested, feeling his eyes water at the different smells assaulting his nostrils.
"It's okay," Kiba reassured him calmly as he immediately pulled his shirt up to cover his nose. "Relax, breathe your own scent, focus on that only and calm down," he said gently as he pulled him against him, pressing his face to his chest, and watching as he calmed down quickly. "See? When the smells get too strong, you just focus on what reassures you – your own scent, or very familiar ones, like mine," he explained patiently. "That was excellent for a first try," he praised proudly.
"Can I have one of those cakes now?" Shikadai's muffled voice asked in childlike expectation.
"Smell good, don't they?" Kiba asked him knowingly, grin widening as he felt him nod. "Okay, off you go – just one!" The boy didn't need to be told twice and hurried away towards the kitchen, though he kept his shirt pressed to his nose.
Shikamaru smiled warmly to himself as he watched them. Kiba was really excellent with children. He had a way of teaching their son that was always great to watch, and he never lost his cool. There was just one thing that worried him about Shikadai learning to use his sense of smell like that…
They'd have to contend with him asking why they smelled so much like each other, and potentially certain days more than others.
He felt a headache coming along already just thinking about it. Naturally Kao had already graced them with a widely innocent but very matter-of-factly, "You two really smell like each other – like mommy and daddy!" – But this was their son! (Shisen was thankfully better-behaved, clearly having taken after his father.)
So troublesome.
"What's troublesome?" Kiba asked him knowingly as he stopped in front of him.
Shikamaru chuckled fondly, glad he knew him so well. "I was just thinking that it won't be long until he asks us why we smell like each other," he replied simply.
The Inuzuka rolled his eyes playfully at that. "It won't be long until he asks us all sort of embarrassing questions, whether he smells that or not," he reminded him as he leaned down to press a kiss to his lips.
"So if you're kissing and all, that means training's over, right?" Shikadai asked hopefully from the door, half-eaten cake in hand.
"Nice try," Kiba replied with a fond chuckle before shrugging his head to the side. "But we're just getting started. Come on, this is only the beginning – eventually you won't need to concentrate anymore to do it, and you'll learn to block anything disagreeable!" he promised him cheerfully. "No one will ever make fun of you for losing to a fart like your old man did!"
Ever. Not if he had any say in it.
Shikadai frowned and pouted like only a child could, sighing at the Tyranny of the adults (yes, undoubtedly deserving of a capital letter) as he stuffed the remainder of the cake into his mouth and walked back to the grass.
Shikamaru grinned warmly as he looked at them. He had work to do, but there was no way he was going to miss out on this. Watching children grow and learn, turning into their own distinctive person was truly the most entertaining thing in the world. And when it was your own kid, that feeling was exponentially increased. It felt amazing.
When Akamaru licked his cheek to wake him up as usual that morning, Shikadai blinked his eyes sleepily a few times before yawning widely, finally sitting up as the nin-dog nudged him. "Mornin'," he said around another yawn, chuckling as he was treated to another lick. More by habit than real concentration, he got ready for school and then joined his parents in the kitchen, yawning once more for the principle as he greeted them.
"Morning pup!" Kiba replied with a wide grin.
Shikamaru smiled back at him from his spot by the stove, and for a moment Shikadai was worried because his dad regularly ended up burning things when it was his turn to cook breakfast. But this morning, he looked okay – fully awake, with that small smile never leaving his face.
Shikadai frowned at this. Actually, both his parents had a silly smile on their faces. And taking a tentative sniff, he wriggled his nose as they smelled a bit more like each other than usual. Of course, that wasn't the first time it had happened, but…maybe it had something to do with what he'd heard last night?
He put it out of his mind when a delicious smelling breakfast was placed down in front of him, and then once he was done, try as he might, he couldn't delay their departure from the house. He walked alongside Akamaru as they avoided the few puddles remaining on the streets from the previous night's storm, but a look over his shoulders told him his parents weren't far behind, and his eyes lingered on their joined hands.
They got to their usual crossroad and Akamaru licked his cheek goodbye and then his dad kneeled down next to him to wipe his cheek and tell him to have a fun day too before leaving. Shikamaru then held out his hand to him and he took it. They walked together to the academy in comfortable silence, but Shikadai couldn't help but look up at him from time to time – he looked really pleased with something. When they got there, Shikamaru rested his hand on his head for a second before wishing him a good day and then turned around as usual.
Shikadai watched him go with a frown, and then looked up as Chocho called his name happily. He managed to put this out of his mind for most of the day, but as he couldn't forget about it completely, once school was over he told his friends he'd meet them at the park and went to stand next to their professor.
"Shikadai, is everything alright?" Shino asked him as he looked down at him.
"Uncle Shino, I need to ask you something," the child declared with a frown, using 'uncle' instead of 'professor' to make it obvious this was important and personal. Looking around to make sure nobody was listening in, he lowered his voice and cupped a hand around his mouth just in case. "It's about my parents."
Shino raised an eyebrow and kneeled down so he'd be at his level. "Did something happen?"
"I'm not sure," the young Nara admitted. "See, this morning they looked really happy – and dad had this stupid grin on his face all the time as he walked me here. And they really smelled like each other," he listed.
"I…see," Shino noted before clearing his throat. "Is that so unusual?" he asked, because he really didn't think it was, knowing those two.
Shikadai looked to the side as he thought about it, coming to the conclusion that no, not really. "That's happened before," he agreed, but then added, "But last night I went to the bathroom and I heard sounds coming from their room."
"Ah," Shino said simply.
"Yeah, like moans, and pants, and they kept saying each other's name," Shikadai continued with a frown, looking at him in confusion. "Is that normal?"
The Aburame managed to stifle the urge to reach for his phone and call Kiba over immediately, because the way his honorary nephew was looking at him, so earnest and trustful, was something he couldn't bear to shatter. "Yes, it's normal," he told him with certainty. Shikadai visibly wanted more information, so he tried to give it to him, as neutrally as possible. "It's something that couples do to express their love for each other."
"And that makes them grin stupidly the day after?" the child asked dubiously.
"Sometimes it does, obviously."
Shikadai nodded slowly as he tried to accept the new information. "So it's something good?" he clarified.
"Absolutely," Shino confirmed with a nod. "Regular mutually satisfying physical intimacy is proof that a couple is still strong," he added.
"Mutually what…?" Shikadai repeated with a frown.
Shino paused at this, wondering why the heck it had to fall to him to have this talk with him – if they knew, Kiba and Shikamaru would kill him. "It just means that your parents are very happy together and still in love – and you shouldn't disturb them when they're like that," he added for the principle.
"You mean it can stop?" Shikadai asked him in a small voice.
Shino frowned as he opened his mouth to ask for more details but the child went on.
"They could stop being happy and loving each other? Parents can do that?" the young Nara asked, looking absolutely horrified at the thought, because yeah, sometimes it was embarrassing how his parents were all lovey, but that didn't mean he wanted them to stop it altogether!
"No!" the teacher assured him as he placed his hands on his shoulders. "Or more accurately, it's been known to happen sometimes to other people, but with Kiba and Shikamaru it would never," he assured him, trying to repair the damage he'd unwittingly caused.
That seemed to placate Shikadai, and he looked at him seriously. "You promise?"
"Yes, I promise," Shino replied although he knew this wasn't really for him to promise – still, he was fairly confident Kiba and Shikamaru wouldn't cause him to break his word any time soon. "So don't worry okay? Your parents are just fine," he repeated to completely appease him.
Shikadai nodded back slowly, finally looking convinced.
And another thing… "Let's keep this conversation just between us, okay?" Shino asked unashamedly.
"Sure thing, Uncle Shino!" Shikadai replied with an Inuzuka-ish grin, tilting his head to the side. "Can I talk to you again if I have other questions sometimes?"
"Of course," the Aburame immediately replied, gingerly patting his head. Letting out a fond breath as he watched him go, he found himself really hoping that this conversation wouldn't come back to haunt him someday. Part of him wondered whether he should drop some hints to Kiba, maybe advise him to try and be quieter, but then he figured it was a normal part of life and he shouldn't get further involved – he didn't want to betray Shikadai's trust, either.
People often asked him whether he felt sad, not having a child of his own, but how could he, we he had classes full of them, and Mirai, Boruto, Shikadai and Himawari looking up to him as they did?
Shikamaru smiled to himself as he recognized Chouji's number on the caller display, bringing it up to his ears. "Hey, Chouji, what's going on?" he asked him easily as he leaned back in his seat.
"This is a fair warning," his friend started seriously, whispering in the receiver. "Karui just gave Chocho 'the talk'."
"'The talk'," Shikamaru repeated with a frown.
"'The talk'!" Chouji confirmed, his tone ghastly.
"She's barely nine!" He honestly didn't remember exactly when he'd learned the finer points of human reproduction – yeah, probably around that age – but his father had waited until his graduation from the academy to helpfully supply a mass of unnecessary details that further convinced him he wasn't too keen on ever being with a woman.
"I know," Chouji lamented, clearly heartbroken that his little girl would now look at them knowingly when they'd go to bed. "She didn't ask about you two or Shikadai yet, there was probably already enough mind-scarring information exchanged, but knowing how curious she can be, I'd say it's only a matter of days…"
"As long as she doesn't ask which one of us is the mother…" Shikamaru muttered, dreading Karui's response on the subject – probably something along the lines of, 'Shikamaru and Kiba? They're not like most men, they like to do some weird shit to each other,' followed by an explicit list of examples he barely even dared to think about—and he was the one purportedly doing said 'weird shit'.
Chocho would never look at them the same way again – although he supposed it would apply to everyone, as when you're a child, realizing that your parents and the other adults in your life are not only human and they're actually people came as a shock.
"Seeing as Chocho shares everything with Inojin and Shikadai, I thought I'd better let you know, so you can tell him the more important bits on your own – I'm gonna call Ino next…" Chouji added, visibly trying to cheer him up – and not looking forward to that conversation.
"And we appreciate the heads-up, thank you," Shikamaru assured him, exchanging a few more jokes before hanging up. Letting his head roll back to stare blankly at the ceiling, he sighed deeply as he stood, walking to find Kiba in his own office. "So…Karui just gave Chocho the talk," he said without preamble.
"She's barely nine!" Kiba noted with a frown as his head snapped up. He'd already had the talk by that time, since his mother had had to explain the dogs' behaviors at some point, but their kids seemed so young and innocent! So much so that he was even slowly getting to see the point of parents who hoped to keep their kids from dating until they turned at least thirty!
The shadow-nin chuckled fondly as he walked to lean back against his desk to face him. "Well, it's done – she knows where babies come from," he declared with a sigh. "So it won't be long until she realizes that neither of us is equipped for that part," he added pensively.
Kiba let out a huff at this, running a hand through his hair absently. "Well…I suppose we've stalled as long as we could, right?" he finally replied. "I was actually expecting Inojin to pop up one day quoting Sai's textbook lessons, so…" he trailed off with a shrug.
Shikamaru nodded as he reached to move a strand of his hair back into place. "Tomorrow?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
Kiba sighed and grabbed his hand to pull him to his lap, resting his nose against his shoulder. "Tomorrow," he agreed, voice muffled. "I should also let Hana know…" he then added with another sigh.
Why the hell did kids grow up so damn fast?
(Seriously. Why?)
In retrospect, they should've known Shikadai would once again throw them in for a loop and defy their every prediction.
"I know," Shikadai said simply once they'd breached the subject of (ahem) reproduction, resolutely not looking them in the eyes.
"You…know?" Kiba repeated in surprise.
"Well…yeah – I mean it would've been hard not to notice I was the only one with two dads and no mom," the child replied with a frown, stating the obvious.
Which was evident when it was put like that, Shikamaru had to concede. "So then why didn't you ever ask us about it?" he wondered.
Shikadai looked away with a cross between a pout and a frown – his typical expression when he was embarrassed. "Because I'm happy like that," he mumbled, clearly annoyed with them for making him say it.
"Well, we're happy to hear that. But don't you have any questions though?" Kiba asked him with a raised eyebrow, relieved that he felt that way but still feeling that they should be open.
"About what?" Shikadai asked as he looked up at him, blinking in confusion before sighing. "I'm not an idiot! I'm a Nara but I look like you – so I guess aunt Hana was involved, right?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.
Kiba almost choked on his own saliva while Shikamaru opened round eyes – how could that child be so casual about this? "You've visibly thought about it," he commented once he got his voice back.
Shikadai shrugged in response. "Some things are obvious – like, when you really smell so much like each other sometimes, I know that means you had sex," he added almost reproachfully – hey, if he had to sit through this moment of momentous embarrassment, then he was going to pay it back, got it?
Honestly, there was a reason he'd already asked his uncle Shino all about this, and it was exactly to avoid having this kind of conversation with his parents! And they'd gone and ruined that! Well, they were going to wish they hadn't.
If he had an evil laugh, like Chocho, he'd be laughing it right now – on the inside, of course.
Shikamaru resisted the urge to groan as he looked at Kiba with a frown, silently saying, 'what did I tell you about him smelling it?' while Kiba shook his head and shrugged, saying back, 'hey, we always knew that was gonna happen!'.
"Did you have sex with aunt Hana?" Shikadai then asked Shikamaru with an accusing frown.
"Of course not!" both adults replied hotly, sharing a look and a sigh at this. Inwardly, Shikadai was smirking in satisfaction – and that evil laugh was sounding more and more like a good idea.
"No, we used another method," Shikamaru replied more calmly. "We weren't even in the same room."
Shikadai sighed slightly in relief at this, because as gross as it was that adults had sex in the first place, he really didn't want to think that his parents did it with anyone but each other – that would be even grosser and way more uncool than anything in the world.
Kiba let out a fond huff at this as he reached to pat their son's head. "We wanted you so badly that it was okay to feel a bit embarrassed around her and Aoba for some time though!" he declared half-jokingly.
"Yeah, I know, Uncle Shino told me," the young Nara muttered as he tried to push his hand off – but found that difficult.
"Uncle Shino, huh?" Kiba asked with a smile frozen in place as he leaned closer. "And what else did Uncle Shino tell you?"
"Nothing," Shikadai replied as blankly as he could, silently cursing his slip of the tongue – and it had been going so well, too!
Kiba's nose twitched and he smirked slowly. "I smell a lie," he declared teasingly.
Behind him, Shikamaru sighed tiredly as he resolved to find a way to convey his annoyance to Shino. "Why did you ask Shino about this instead of us?" he wondered – and really, why Shino? Of all people? Shino, the guy who still fixed him with a threatening glare every time they saw each other even though he and Kiba had been together for almost seventeen years!
"Because I knew he'd tell me the truth," Shikadai replied with a frown, blushing. "Sometimes with too many details," he admitted.
"Serves you right," Kiba noted with a wide grin as he sat back, ruffling his hair to annoy him.
Shikadai's frown deepened as he readjusted his hair. "You're my parents – I can't ask you about what you do with each other!" he argued stubbornly.
Kiba and Shikamaru shared another look at this, having to concede he had a point – besides, the situation was actually really funny in a sense, they couldn't deny that. And maybe Shino had somewhat done them a favor, in the end.
Still, from that day on, every time Kiba was on the verge of losing an argument with his best friend, he told him, "Well you told my son about sex!", and just like that, Shino sighed and bowed his head, and it became a tie.
If there was one thing Kiba had taken from marrying into the Nara clan, it was how to look at every side of a situation to find a way it could be exploited to his advantage.
And he was good at that.