A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE! Thanks for commenting!
2.
Forty-five minutes and thirty-six country miles later had been a good start on the physical and emotional distance Sam's heavy heart compelled her to put between herself and Jason Morgan. She kicked the stand down on her black and chromed out Harley Softail Deuce and removed her shorty black flame helmet just as a gust of wind whispered through her ebony tresses and settled them against the ivory leather covering her back and shoulders. Sam stepped off and rounded her bike toward the edge of the observation point's guardrail.
All that wind and speed had dried her tears and now she was ready to kick something. Shoulda gone to Jake's to kick a little ass, she huffed. Sam felt her phone vibrate in her left pocket again. She hadn't bothered to check the caller ID. She knew it was him. It hadn't stopped vibrating since ten minutes into her ride. Now he wanted to talk? She pulled the cell from her jacket and chucked it with all her might. She watched its silent descent in a satisfied daze until it landed on the rocks below busting into pieces. Probably not the wisest move she'd ever made, but she felt marginally better. One of the pieces flashed a fragment of fading daylight in her eyes forcing her to shift her gaze.
She looked out over the little port town she'd worked so hard the past year to be able to call home and all she wanted now was her salvage boat and her brother back. Why had she sold her boat, her livelihood, her backup? She knew better. The house always wins, her father's words sounded in her head. She made the sucker's bet and now she felt like a failure before she'd even begun. She wanted the life back she had with her brother. It wasn't perfect, but they were working towards it.
If Danny were still alive she'd have saved enough by now to buy a little cottage on their favorite beach. She'd still have her salvage work to tend to, but she and Danny would have a real home for three months out of the year. It would be better than nothing. It would be better than this and in a few more years she'd have saved enough to expand her business and maybe stay home with Danny at least half of the year or more.
How could he do that to her was the question she kept asking herself over and over. It was easier than asking the harder questions like what had he really done? It wasn't as if Jason ever made any promises or commitments to her. Hell, they'd never even had a first date, first kiss, first dance or first time, and it was that thought that hurt the most. All of those firsts she hadn't even realized she'd dreamed of having with him until the moment they were gone. It hurt. It was like she was grieving. She hadn't felt that low since losing Danny.
And just like that the anger was gone and the tears were flowing again. She brushed them away, angry at herself this time, and shook her head. No. NO, she told herself. She'd been through worse pain in her life. Hadn't she? Of course she had. She just couldn't remember it right now was all. She was a McCall and McCall's were nothing if not survivors and they were survivors because, first and foremost, they were realists. She wasn't one of those delusional women that allowed themselves to believe they had something more with a man than there really was. She and Jason had been friends, nothing more. What she wanted with him no longer mattered because the reality was he must not want the same. The faster she faced that fact and moved on, the happier she'd be.
Besides, she was losing sight of the big picture. Hadn't she just told herself earlier there were three reasons she hoped to make Port Charles home? It wasn't all about Jason. He was only a part of the decision. Her sisters were the other. She may have no idea right now how to live in such close proximity to Jason and not want more than she could ever have with him, but she owed it to her sisters and to her own childhood dreams to figure it out. Kristina and Molly were her family. She had a mother and cousin too and she realized with a certain clarity up on that mountaintop just now that she wasn't about to let anything or anyone deprive her of the second chance fate had given her.
Armed with renewed resolve, Sam straddled her bike and buckled her helmet back in place. She had a family dinner to get ready for and news that would put a very large smile on two little girl's faces when they learned their big sister was there to stay.
xxxxx
She wasn't answering her phone. Why wasn't she answering her phone? He knew why, because she wasn't in the mood to talk to the ass that hurt her. That's why. How could he have done that to her, he kept asking himself. Why hadn't he told her the last time they talked? He tried, tried for four hours on the phone that night and every day since to try and find the right way to say their future was over before it ever really began. But how could he tell her that when he couldn't even bring himself to believe it was true?
Jason knew after the first three calls it was pointless to keep calling. If anything it would only piss her off, but he needed to hear her voice. He'd waited all year to see her. He missed her so much. He didn't know how it happened so fast. He hadn't known her near as long as other friends he considered family, but Sam had become the best friend he'd ever had and he was so afraid to lose that friendship, to lose her. He'd fooled himself into thinking it was best to put off the conversation until he could speak to her in person.
He shook his head. "Shit Morgan," He cursed himself. "Come on, Sam, please pick up."
Just hearing the sexy lull of her husky vibrant voice grounded him, made him feel closer to her and that made him feel secure. Strange to think the right hand man and mob enforcer for one of the most powerful organized crime families on the Eastern seaboard felt insecure, especially when his cold exterior exuded brutal efficiency and quiet authority, but with everything moving so fast and out of his control it's exactly how he felt and her voice was the only thing to soothe it.
"Hi, it's Sam. Thanks for calling. You know what to do." The beep prompted him to speak.
He hadn't left a message in any of the other calls, but that would be the last one for now. "Sam, we should talk. We need to talk. Please... Call me back."
There was a long pause filled with all the words he'd wanted to say for so long, but would never be able to say now before the call ended. He slipped his phone back into his jacket and leaned his head back against the headrest closing his eyes. How had things gone so wrong so fast? His mind drifted back to every smile, every tear, every laugh shared and every argument fought with Sam. She was a fiery force of nature with the sincerest most compassionate soul he'd ever known. They were different, but of the same cloth. Durable and resilient on the outside, but with each other they'd been able to reveal the loose threads and frayed edges underneath.
He remembered the first time he ever laid eyes on her. He remembered every time with her, but that first memory was special. It was the first memory he had after the aneurysm took them all away. It was proof of the undeniable connection he felt to her right from the very start.
It was two years ago today. Jason stood in the hospital waiting area with Carly. He was busy as usual bridging the gap between Micheal's parents after yet another lie had blown them apart. Carly had kept Alexis' secret from Sonny and he'd just learned Kristina was his daughter and that she was dying. Sonny had trouble accepting his wife's support, but Carly refused to walk away. She was determined to be there for her husband and find a way to make things work between them. Jason was just trying to keep the peace and be there for his friends.
It was a cry from Alexis that drew his attention away from Carly. At first, he thought the worst had happened. He thought Kristina had..., but then he watched as Alexis' hand went to her mouth and she took a tentative step before rushing to embrace a petite brunette he'd never seen before. She stood next to Jax. They must have just stepped off the elevator. Alexis pulled her into her arms sobbing uncontrollably. He'd never seen such raw emotion from her. "Thank God. Oh, thank God. Thank God you're here. Kristina is going to be alright. She's going to live. You're going to save my little girl. I just know it."
Jason had a clear view of the younger woman who was turned toward him. He watched a wave of emotions surge across her face. It was hauntingly beautiful. He couldn't look away if he'd tried. She was tense. Apprehension and distrust shone in her eyes. Her body was stiff when Alexis first hugged her then, as Alexis thanked God and began to sob over her shoulder, she began to loosen up and hugged Alexis to her as if she'd never let go. A combination of anguish and longing swirled in her whiskey eyes and played on her trembling lips before she shut them both and tears fell down her soft cheeks.
Then he watched that vulnerability slip away as quickly as it had shown itself behind a detached expression he recognized all too well. It rose up like a shield and the brief flicker of light he'd seen in her eyes was gone. He didn't know at the time what happened to trigger her defenses, but not since Michael had he ever felt as swift and strong of a desire to protect someone as he did with her in that moment. He needed her to be okay and before he knew it he was walking toward them.
Fortunately, Carly was already two steps ahead of him so it appeared as though he were following her.
"Alexis, what is it? Is there news about Kristina? Have they found a match?" Carly never cared for Alexis, but she felt for any mother in that situation and her child happened to be her husband's as well.
Alexis composed herself and accepted Ric's arm around her. "We don't know for certain yet, but this," Alexis held out her hand toward Sam, "is a blood relative who's agreed to be tested."
He didn't think it was possible, but every word Alexis spoke seemed to make the young woman distance herself even more. Couldn't anyone else see she was upset? He looked at all their faces. Alexis, Ric and Jax... none of them were even paying attention to her.
Carly smiled and nodded at the woman then looked back to Alexis with words of encouragement. "I know the doctors said a sibling would be the best chance for a match, but even a distant cousin must still be a very good possibility."
Alexis just nodded with a tight-lipped smile while he watched the young mystery woman, some distant cousin of Kristina he assumed, pull her arms up to hug tightly to her chest. He didn't know what it was Alexis was doing, but it was obvious the woman felt as though she needed to protect herself from her.
"We'll keep Kristina in our prayers." He felt Carly's hand rub his shoulder and give it a squeeze and he knew she did that out of a need to comfort herself, but he didn't mind.
Jason was sort of like Carly's touchstone. She felt better, calmer, when he was around.
"Thank you, Carly." Alexis wiped her remaining tears away. "I'm sorry, but if you'll excuse us we really should notify Kristina's doctor of Samantha's arrival." Jason noticed her cringe when Alexis called her by name.
"Sam." It was the first word she spoke.
"I'm sorry?" Alexis looked over at her then.
"It's just Sam, Sam McCall." Alexis gave her a small smile before they turned to walk away from him leaving her name to fall softly on his lips.
"Sam." He murmured ignoring Carly when she'd asked him to repeat himself.
Of course later he learned in a rant from Sonny that Sam was not some distant cousin, but Kristina's half sister. Sonny had gone to thank Sam for helping and that's when she'd told him. Alexis gave her up for adoption when she was born, but her father tracked her down and raised her instead. Sonny told him he didn't even know the poor bastard that knocked Alexis up the first time, but what if she'd done the same thing again. Run off with his child and Sonny never even knew he had a daughter out there. Sonny offered to pay Sam for her time and trouble, but she'd refused. Somehow Jason wasn't surprised by that and it made him smile to think he might actually be able to read her after just one brief encounter.
He hadn't been able to get her out of his mind for a week. He found himself wondering how she was doing. Was she all alone in that dreary hospital? Did she hate hospitals as much as him? Where was her father and why had Alexis acted as if she was ashamed to admit Sam was her daughter when they first met? He was sure that had been what upset Sam as well.
It was after a conversation with Michael that he decided to pay her a visit. Michael made her a card and wanted to thank Sam in person for saving his sister. He thought it was kind of cool that he had a new sister and was connected to a completely new person through Kristina. Jason wasn't sure Sam was up for visitors, so he'd told Michael he'd take Sam the card and bring him for a visit if she was up for it.
When he saw how small and vulnerable she looked in that hospital bed, his heart broke for her. She was all alone. Where the hell was Alexis, or even Nikolas? The lights were off, but the curtains were open. She was looking out at the world outside her window like she'd give anything to get back to it. He couldn't blame her. It's how he felt every time he'd been cooped up in that place too.
He tapped lightly on the door frame to make his presence known. She turned to the sound a bit startled and quickly wiped at her eyes. She'd been crying and when he saw her tears a lump formed in his throat.
"Sorry to disturb you." Jason wasn't sure he should be there, but there wasn't anywhere else he wanted to go.
She smiled at him and his heart beat faster. "It's alright. You can come in. You were with Kristina's step-mom the day I arrived weren't you?"
Jason smiled. She remembered the first time she saw him too.
He took a few steps inside her room, but not too close. He didn't know what Alexis may have told her about him and Sonny and he didn't want to frighten her. "Yeah, Jason Morgan. I work with Sonny. He and his wife and kids are like family."
He watched closely for her reaction. If she felt any anxiety or fear over his presence, she showed no sign of it. Surely, she must have heard the rumors by now. He didn't know what to make of her non-reaction, but he was glad she didn't seem to be scared of him.
"Nice to meet you, Jason. I'm Sam McCall. You know, you can sit if you want." Sam motioned to the chair by her bed.
"Thanks." He relaxed more, but didn't sit. "I just wanted to say thank you for saving Micheal's little sister. Michael wanted to thank you too, but I wasn't sure you'd be up for visitors. He made you this card." Jason stepped over to her bedside and when she reached for the card their fingers brushed against one another.
He felt a charge pulse through his body at her slight touch. She was a magnet and his hand was drawn to want to lace his fingers with hers and bring her hand to his lips to kiss, bring her mouth to his. He shook his head clear of those thoughts. She was a practical stranger and in the hospital recovering.
"That's so sweet. Please tell Michael I love my card and I'd be happy to see him anytime he wants." Sam had a genuine smile on her face and he was happy he'd put it there with Micheal's help.
"I will." Jason smiled back at her. "So, how are you feeling? I bet you can't wait to get out of here."
She laughed a sweet sexy laugh that made his lower region respond instantly. "Am I that transparent?"
"No. I bet you're one hell of a poker player. I'm probably projecting. I hate it when I'm stuck in this place." Did he just say more than five words and share a personal fact about himself to a complete stranger?
The thing was, he didn't want her to be a stranger. He wanted to get to know her, maybe he would sit down and stay a while.
"Jason, to what do we owe the pleasure?" He cringed at the words dripping with disdain and sarcasm as Alexis continued. "If Sonny's sent you here to work on my daughter's sympathies regarding custody of Kristina, you can forget...," Jason watched Sam's face harden and gloss over as her mother jumped to conclusions.
Sam spoke before he could although, truthfully, he probably would have just ignored the sanctimonious shrew and said his goodbyes to Sam.
"He just wanted to thank me and deliver a card from Michael." Sam waived the card in her hand as she spoke.
"I'm sure he did and I'm sure there were absolutely no ulterior motives at work." Alexis smirked.
"You should know by now Alexis, I don't play games. If I had another reason for being here, Sam would know it." Jason turned his attention back to Sam with a faint smile for her. "I should let you rest. I hope you'll be free soon."
"Thank you, Jason. It was really nice to meet you." He wished he'd had more time with her before Alexis interrupted.
"It was good talking with you. Feel better." With that, he turned and walked out without a second glance at Alexis.
A new threat to the business kept him out of town the next several weeks until he could silence it. So Carly ended up taking Michael to see Sam. Michael swore the visit wasn't that bad, but Jason never really got a chance to follow up on exactly what that meant.
Sonny informed him Sam developed a severe post-operative infection and while he felt horrible she was sick, another part was happy she was still in town when he finally returned the day before New Year's Eve. He'd decided once Sam was better he would ask her out, or kiss her or both and the way he felt when he was around her he wasn't sure which might be first. Jason intended on dodging Nikolas and Emily's New Year's Eve party per usual until Emily mentioned Sam would be there. If Sam were attending a party, she must feel better which meant he'd finally have a chance to ask her out.
He spent the better part of the evening thinking of different ways to mention a date, but all words failed him when he stood in front of her that night. Her beauty took his breath away. She wore a deep royal satin blue gown that flowed and hung in all the right places and the plummeting neckline teased every nerve ending in his body as it hinted at the bountiful treasure within. Her hair was up with loose tendrils grazing her bare neck and shoulders and all he wanted to do was sweep them aside and press his lips to her sun-kissed skin. She saw him approach and her smile dazzled him. It shined all the way into her satiny milk chocolate gaze and he was lost, his heart nearly thudding out of his chest.
He still couldn't recall who spoke first. Though he thought it was Sam, he couldn't really remember much about the conversation. All he could remember was standing close enough to touch her and the soft smell of vanilla and something floral he couldn't quite place, but it was sweet and made his mouth water.
In fact, the only point of conversation he recalled from that night was when he'd asked her how long she planned to stay in town. She was leaving the very next day. He was crushed to hear it. He'd waited too long. He thought about asking her anyway, but the way she lit up when she spoke of going home to her boat and the life she seemed to love... He could see how much she needed to get back. She'd been through so much and finding out you were related to Alexis and the crazy Cassadines had to take its tole, not to mention she was just barely recovered from being so sick. When she told him she'd promised Kristina to return the same time next year, Jason decided he'd wait for her. She needed to be free and it was worth the wait if it meant she was happy.
It was the longest year of his life until he lost his memory.
Emily knew he'd been having headaches and stopped by his penthouse to check on him. She found him unconscious on the floor when she arrived and called an ambulance. By the time Jason woke up he was told he had a hyper-fused frontal cortex that was causing his blackouts and seizures, the last of which had resulted in amnesia. It was a life threatening situation and only a matter of time before an aneurysm might kill him. He was left with only two risky procedures that offered any hope.
Neither the experimental medication or surgery guaranteed against death or ending up in a vegetative state. Somehow the idea of death didn't scare him, but being trapped alive inside his own body was not something he was willing to risk. Of course his family and friends all appealed for him to change his mind, but it was set.
He couldn't remember them, but he wouldn't stick around and put them at risk. He was a target primed for taking in his current health, thanks to his life in the mob and his unwillingness to return to that life, and that made everyone around him targets too. He wouldn't be responsible for anyone's death ever again. He packed a bag and was on his way out of town to live whatever life he had left on his own terms. He just wanted to make one last stop before he left. The view of the harbor from his hospital window had captured his attention. Staring out at the water as the ships sailed by was calming and something about it called him to see it up close before he was gone for good.
He'd ended up on the Elm Street Pier and, now that his memories had returned, he knew it had been his connection to Sam that drove him there. He'd spent countless hours staring out at the water and thinking of her out there somewhere on her ship, and wishing she was on her way home to him.
He was staring out at the water that last night when he heard a woman call out to him. He turned and stood frozen in her gaze. The next thing he remembered was a blinding flash coursing through his mind's eye and then her, Sam. He knew her. He remembered.
He couldn't really explain it, but there was something about her that wouldn't allow him to walk away, something strong. He couldn't even remember more than just the first moment they met, but everything in him told him he could trust her with his life and he did and she saved him as a result. Sam thought it was the doctors with all their miracle drugs and brilliant surgical talent, but she was wrong.
Those doctors didn't save him. She did. She fought with him and for him every step of the way and every day he felt their friendship grow stronger, much stronger and he wanted more. He wanted so much more and though the thought of death didn't scare him the possibility of having a future with her was worth any risk. He decided to have the surgery for her, for the wonderful life he might have with her if only he fought for it. He just never told her she was the reason. There was a good chance he wouldn't survive and it was unfair to share his feelings and get her hopes up only to leave her alone, or to have her carry the weight of his decision should he die.
He decided once he made it through the surgery and recovered, he would make his feelings known. He would tell her how he felt and pray she felt the same.
The surgery was a success. He regained all of his memories as Jason Morgan. Unfortunately, Sam's time was up. She was hired for a huge salvage job somewhere off the coast of Australia near the Tuvalu province which meant she had to leave right away to stay on task. This time he decided there was no way he could wait another year to pursue a relationship with her. He planned to make his feelings known as soon as she finished the job, even if he had to swim to get to her.
A few weeks later, Kristina was kidnapped and then Michael and Morgan and his entire focus shifted to finding and bringing them home. He was glad Kristina and Morgan were returned safely by the time Sam arrived. He didn't want her hurting like he hurt. Part of him recognized he was falling in love with Sam, but the part that grieved for Michael was too numb to act on it.
Sam didn't give up on him though. When he tried to shut everyone out, she managed to get him to open up. Jason felt safe telling her what he couldn't tell anyone else. Sam not only encouraged him to trust his instincts, she helped him and his tech specialist, Stan, go over all the evidence on Micheal's kidnapping with a fine tooth comb. It was her belief in him that kept him going when he was at the lowest point in his life and it was her determination that helped find the clue that led to locating Michael.
He'd decided once Michael was home, there was no way Sam was getting away from him again. Only, when Michael returned things got worse before they got better. For a while they thought Michael might actually have killed his biological father, AJ, for kidnapping and threatening to take him again. Sam wanted to stay and help and she did for the first couple of weeks. She was the one who helped convince the adults in Michael's life he needed counseling, but she had a business to get back to and he had to focus on getting his nephew well again. Jason had never been more frustrated. He figured by the time he actually got around to asking Sam on a first date, he'd be ready to marry her instead.
A month later, the real murderer was discovered thanks to Jason. He really needed to start charging the PCPD for solving their cases for them. The cops got it half right. It was a woman scorned, but it wasn't Carly or Courtney. It turned out AJ seduced a pediatrician by the name of Rachel Adair and convinced her to help fake his death. She even helped frame Courtney for it. When Rachel was shot and ended up in a coma, Courtney finally felt safe to tell the cops of Rachel's confession and how she'd blackmailed Courtney into silence.
When Dr. Adair woke up from her coma and the heat turned up, AJ was nowhere to be found. He left her high and dry and facing charges of his murder, but Courtney overheard AJ on the phone with Rachel attempting to appease her. Courtney told Carly and Jason that AJ was alive and that lined up with another lead Jason had regarding Micheal's kidnapper. He just knew it had to be AJ.
Since the cops didn't believe her, Rachel gave Jason information on AJ's last known location in hopes Jason would bring AJ back and prove she faced false charges. Jason tracked AJ down and brought Michael home which resulted in a physical confrontation that landed AJ in the hospital. Rachel, furious with AJ, slipped into his room to confront him. When AJ lost his temper and pushed her too far, Rachel ended up suffocating him with a pillow in a blinding rage.
Jason suspected Rachel since he knew it wasn't Courtney or Carly, but the issue was lack of evidence. Jason figured since she was a pediatrician and had dedicated her life at one point to helping children she might cave if she knew how she was hurting Michael with her silence. When Jason confided to her that Michael believed he was responsible for killing his own father, Rachel crumbled. She couldn't live with hurting a child that way and turned herself in to police.
That all happened eight months ago and for the first four months Jason tried his best to get Sam to take a break from salvaging and come home, but she always had some excuse why she couldn't make it. She was working jobs off the coast of China and then Africa. Jason even offered to travel to her, but after a while he started to wonder if maybe Sam just didn't miss him the way he missed her. Maybe she didn't feel the same way about him.
It was one horrible night in August that the future he wanted was blown apart. He'd called Sam, only instead of Sam answering her phone it was a man who told him she was in the shower and asked if he wanted to leave a message. Jason's hopes were crushed. He couldn't get images of Sam with another man out of his head, so he hit his bottle of tequila pretty hard. Then he hit it real hard. He wanted to blackout just like the town had that night. He didn't want thoughts in his head of someone else having his life with Sam. He just wanted her to come home. He missed her and needed her, so much.
There was a knock at the door and, unfortunately, he answered it. Elizabeth was on the other side in tears. She told him she'd just walked in on her husband, Lucky, in bed with Maxie Jones. She was a wreck and she needed a friend. They talked for a couple of hours and he remembered kissing Elizabeth and immediately regretting it, but after that the rest of the night was a complete blank. The next thing he remembered was waking up beside her on the floor of his living room, naked. Obviously, he had more to regret with her that night than a kiss.
She was still a married woman and he was in love with Sam, so they agreed to forget the night ever happened. Elizabeth told Lucky she was willing to go to counseling to get past the infidelity, but ended up filing for divorce when he refused to go to rehab for his addiction to pain killers. Jason was too ashamed of his actions and too fearful of hearing Sam say she'd met someone to call her. Sam ended up calling him a week later. He avoided the first couple calls, but after another week his own selfish desires took over.
Part of him felt he owed it to Sam to tell her what happened with Elizabeth, but it wasn't as if they were dating when it happened. Still, he knew how he felt and if Sam were with someone he would want her to be honest about it. On the other hand, it was just a one night stand and it was over and done. It didn't mean anything and it certainly wasn't worth jeopardizing a possible future with Sam. So, he kept quiet and Sam never mentioned any guy to him either.
It was a month ago now that it all hit the fan. Elizabeth told him she was pregnant and that he was the only possible father based on the timing. All he could see in that moment was Sam slipping away. What was he supposed to do? Elizabeth was pregnant with his child and soon to be divorced with two children to care for. He asked her if she wanted to get married. It wasn't a proposal. In his mind they were just discussing possible scenarios, but as soon as he asked the question Elizabeth started crying. She threw her arms around him and kissed him saying. "Yes, Jason. Yes, I'll marry you."
Everything snowballed from there. Elizabeth told Emily who confided in his parents who told the rest of the Quartermaine's and they were now in overdrive planning a wedding, his wedding. He wasn't one to picture things in his head. That concept was near impossible after his accident years ago, but when he closed his eyes the only bride he could see walking toward him was Sam.
He knew he had to tell her. She deserved to know. She was his best friend, but he still wanted so much more than her friendship and as long as Sam didn't know he could pretend they still had a chance at a future together. It was all a nightmare and every night he prayed he would wake up from it, but he hadn't and things only worsened.
He'd procrastinated and avoided telling Sam and she was due in port that morning. He drove down to the docks before dawn to wait for her, but he never saw the Lazarus come in to port. Finally, around noon, Elizabeth called to remind him they were supposed to go shopping for engagement rings. He'd forgotten. He didn't want to go, but he'd already put it off with the work excuse for the last three weeks.
He met Elizabeth downtown first and managed to find something wrong with every ring she liked. They must have hit every jewelry store downtown. He had no idea there were so many. He thought he was in the clear until she pointed out there were two more down by the waterfront. So, they'd headed to the waterfront and he managed to find their selection rather lacking. Elizabeth agreed fortunately and suggested they go to New York City the following weekend to look. He'd said he would do his best, but he couldn't exactly predict his work schedule.
They were headed back to Jason's SUV when they passed a baby store. Elizabeth pulled him in along with her to take a look. He tried to feel what he was supposed to feel. He was supposed to feel like an excited expectant parent, but he didn't. He looked around at all the tiny baby clothes and cribs and linens and mobiles and strollers and he felt suffocated. He couldn't breathe. He pretended to get a call and told Elizabeth he'd meet her around the corner at Kelly's.
He took a deep breath of fresh air as he stepped out into the bright sunshine. The wind had died down and he had a sudden urge to walk down to the pier. He wanted to look out over the water. Maybe he could even see Sam's ship if she'd anchored near. He couldn't wait to see her again, even though the conversation he owed her terrified him.
He made his way at a slow pace down the steps and along toward the pier. He lost himself in thoughts of her again. He wondered if she'd cut her hair, or if it was longer now. He'd always longed to run his fingers through it, to gently fist it as he pulled her in for a sweet demanding kiss. He knew it would be gentle and passionate too. It would be everything she was and more.
He was so lost in thoughts he almost walked right by her, but then his nose caught a faint hint of vanilla and that floral scent he'd never remembered to ask her about. It was the intoxicating blend that could only mean one thing, Sam.
He turned to the bench on his left and found her sitting there by her lonesome sipping a to-go cup from Kelly's.
"You're here!" Jason couldn't believe it. The subject of his every dream was finally home.
His words seemed to pull her from deep thought. He was pretty sure she just checked him out and, when she licked her lips, he grinned until he felt his own body respond to the nearness of hers.
"You're alive." Jason knew what she meant.
"Um, what I mean to say is you're all better this year, not like last year when we met on the docks. You remember who I am this time and, well, of course you remember. Not that I think I'm anything unforgettable or something." Oh, if she only knew how wrong she was about that. He couldn't forget her if he tried, even amnesia couldn't keep him from remembering her.
Sam was still rambling. "But I mean the surgery was a success and you made it through and you're all healed and, well, you're still here, alive, and it's good to see."
Jason couldn't help the broad smile on his lips. She was so damn cute when she rambled. It made him want to kiss her to shut her up. Not because he didn't enjoy listening to her talk, he actually loved it, but he was tempted to see how she'd respond. Would he take her breath away with his kiss and make her lose her train of thought as she did to him simply by walking in a room?
Those were the kinds of things he needed to know and there were more than a few things she needed to know, like how she was the very reason he was standing there, alive right now. "I am, thanks to you."
Sam. Sam was home. He felt his smile soften in the warmth of her presence. "It's good to see you too, very good."
Sam took a sip of her coffee and when she stood a breeze blew through her hair and her delicious scent assaulted his senses. He was dizzy with thoughts, cravings, of her. "So, when did you get in to town? Did you bring your ship? I didn't see the Lazarus in port this morning."
Jason shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out for her. His hands cried out to touch her lustrous raven hair and his arms ached to hold her.
Concentrate, Morgan, she's talking. "Um, no. I mean, yeah. I did bring my boat, but, um... Actually, I have some news. I should have mentioned it sooner, but I wanted to wait so I could tell you in person." Jason's heart sank for a tiny second.
He prayed she wasn't about to tell him she was still seeing the man that answered her phone last August and then he realized how he had no right to hope for such things considering his situation with Elizabeth. "Sounds important. It's good news, I hope."
He wondered if Sam was aware she now stood only inches from him. He was aware. He was incredibly aware. Had he moved closer, or had she? He couldn't be sure, but if it was him Sam didn't seem to mind.
"It is, well, at least I hope you'll think it is..." His heart swelled. She cared what he thought of her news, wanted him to be happy for her.
Why would she stress how it was good news, but he might not think so? Was the news that she met someone? Could she be getting married too? This couldn't be happening. They were meant to travel the same long and winding road together, not apart. The idea of a long life with Sam by his side had him smiling again until...
"Jason, there you are! I thought we were supposed to meet up at Kelly's?" Oh shit, not like this, he panicked! Stall, evade, retreat before Sam finds out like this.
Too late. Before he could formulate a response, he'd been pulled into a kiss by his, his... fiancee. He had trouble even thinking the word let alone saying it.
"Sorry, uh..." What the hell was her name? Jason was drawing a blank.
"I just thought I'd get a little fresh air first." It wasn't a total lie. It would have been cruel to explain why he needed the air, how the idea of marrying her and having a family with her made him feel trapped. It wasn't his feelings he was concerned with at the moment though, it was Sam's.
He looked from Elizabeth to Sam and swallowed hard at what he saw. Sam would barely make eye contact with him, but he could see she was confused and pissed. It was all wrong. He was about to make an excuse to step away before the truth came out that way, but Elizabeth beat him to it.
"Oh, I guess I can forgive you this time. I know how much you hate shopping and we must have looked in a hundred different jewelry stores and still haven't managed to find that perfect engagement ring yet. Oh, but look Jason! Look what I found for the baby." But Jason couldn't look. He couldn't turn away from Sam. It was just like the first moment they met. The range of emotions played over her face so hauntingly beautiful and sad. There was confusion, anger and finally... hurt. She looked so hurt and he put that look there on her beautiful face and those horrible feelings inside her heart now, he was sure.
Elizabeth was still buzzing in his ear, but he couldn't look away from Sam. If he took his eyes off of her, she might disappear.
"Oh! Hi there err, Samantha, isn't it?" He and Sam both cringed at her words.
"Sam!" They both corrected at once and Jason realized his voice sounded a little harsh.
He looked at Elizabeth for a quick second to see her reaction. She didn't seem to have her feelings hurt as she was smiling at Sam.
Jason turned back to Sam. She had that look. Her shield was up and he had been shut out, just like Sam had shut Alexis out when her words cut too deep. He felt like he was falling. His pulse raced and his breathing quickened. He had to make it right somehow.
"Well, Sam, it's nice to see you again. Are you out shopping with your family too?" Why did Elizabeth have to grab his arm? She knew he wasn't big on public displays of affection and she couldn't have picked a worst time to show it.
Sam was smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes. That light that shined when she smiled, when she was truly happy, was gone. He'd done that to her, stolen her light. What a heartless bastard for allowing her to be blindsided that way! He couldn't read her thoughts, but he could tell none of them were good.
Sam looked as trapped and suffocated as he had been moments ago in that baby store. "Actually, I do need to get back to my family. They are the reason I'm here, after all."
When she looked at him, she looked... heartbroken. Could Sam have felt the same about him, wanted the same chance at a future with him as he had with her? Was that her good news? Had she wanted to ask him out since he'd failed to make it happen? The realization of how close they were to having it all and watching it come to a crashing halt that very moment was devastating and her next words a final nail in the coffin. "Congratulations Jason. I hope you'll be very happy."
And that was it. She turned and rushed up the stairs and away from him. He called out after her, but she hadn't stopped. He wanted to run after her, but Elizabeth had a death grip on his bicep. It was all bad. He had to find Sam and make things right. He had no idea how the hell he would do that when he was engaged to another woman carrying his child, but he had to try. Maybe if he explained, apologized, then he could still salvage their friendship. He wanted so much more, but Sam's friendship was better than nothing at all. He needed her in his life, at least in some small way, like he needed air to breathe.
It took him ten minutes to ditch Elizabeth. He felt guilty, but he'd never been so happy to see his sister in all his life as when they walked into Kelly's and she was there chatting up Mike. Before he knew it Elizabeth and Emily were discussing going back to that baby store after lunch. Like hell was he going back in there. His phone rang. It was Bernie, so of course he had to take the call and of course he had to excuse himself to get back to work. Emily said she was happy to give Elizabeth a ride home after they shopped some more and Jason was happy to let her.
He made his way to his SUV and drove straight to the docks looking for her ship, looking for her. He hadn't stopped calling her, but he now knew it was useless to keep trying. Jason left his message for Sam and prayed she called him back. He headed to the harbormaster's office. He didn't understand why he couldn't find Sam's ship and suddenly he worried if maybe she might have hauled anchor. No, he was thinking way too much of himself. Sam may care for him, but she loved her sisters who were excited for her visit. She would never disappoint them that way.
He hoped to find her boat soon. The harbormaster would have the dock number and then he could find Sam and finally have the talk he should have had with her long ago.
Page 17 of 17 Created: 2010-12-23 Updated: 2014-11-07 Words: 7954 Characters: 41907