HEY GUYS! THANKS FOR EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED AND THE NEW FAVORITE AND FOLLOWS BUT I ALSO WANT TO THANK EVERYONE WHO'S BEEN WITH THE STORY SINCE IT'S PUBLISHED. HERE IS CHAPTER 9 AND ONCE AGAIN DON'T HESITATE TO SEND A MESSAGE IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS OR ANYTHING...REVIEW IF YOU WOULD LIKE...GOTTA THANK MY BETA (Baloo18) FOR SENDING ME THIS CHAPTER LAST NIGHT WITH HER HAND SPRAINED SO SHE DID IT WITH ONE HAND...LIKE I'VE SAID I HAVE MOST OF THIS STORY WRITTEN BUT JUST WAITING FOR THE EDITED CHAPTERS TO BE SENT BACK...ENJOY

XOX NATALIE

At first Natalie sees only white around her. As she looks around she sees her mom standing in front of her, "Am I dead?" she asks her softly.

"No sweetheart you aren't dead," her mother says reaching a hand out to her.

"Then how can I see you?" Natalie asks as she grasps her mother's hand.

"You are between life and death. I don't have much time, but I want you to know I am so proud of you, and that I have always been watching over you," she says wrapping Natalie in her arms.

"Mom, how's Shawn?" Natalie asks looking up at her.

"Why don't you ask him yourself," she says nodding over her shoulder.

"Huh?" Next thing she sees is a tall muscular dark skinned Samoan. She looks at her mom who's fading and says "I love you mom."

"I love you too baby, your tough and don't be afraid to let people in," she hears her say as she fades away.

Once her mom is gone she looks back to Shawn, "Hey Shawn."

"Hey Nat, you look good," he says walking to her.

"So do you, how's heaven treating you?" she asks.

"Good, I want you to know I don't blame you for what happened to me," he says standing in front of her.

Natalie shakes her head "But if I had just toughed it out the last three months then you wouldn't have had to die."

"Natalie everything happens for a reason, you can't keep blaming yourself or closing people off. It's not you, I will always love you but it's time you move on," He says hugging her to him.

"I did with Romeo," she says softly.

He shakes his head "No you didn't, you never loved him. You let him in but not completely, give Happy a chance."

"But Shawn, the only other guy I let in completely died, I can't risk that again," she says hugging him tighter.

"It would be hard to but you could eventually if you tried, besides I hardly doubt that Happy will go down easily," he laughs.

"He's not made of steel no one is," she says looking up at him.

"You're right but he has a lot of love for you and cares for you enough to not want to leave you. Let him in, take the risk, you won't regret it."

"I don't know, how can I let him in when I still love you, that would be cheating," she says softly.

"Natalie, I don't have much time left but I'm dead, we were never married, so you wouldn't be cheating. I want you to be happy and Happy would make you happy. I will always be watching over you, it's time to move on and don't look back," he says kissing the top of her head.

"So this is our final good bye," she asks tears forming in her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess it is. You don't belong here, if you left you would break everyone's heart and some people wouldn't be able to live," he tells her softly.

"I guess I should go back," she says hugging him tightly once more. "I will always love you, take care of yourself," she says watching him begin to fade away.

Natalie begins to wake and slowly opens her eyes. As she adjusts her eyes to the light she notices her surroundings. She sees a white room and looks at her arm which has IV's hooked up to her. She can make out people talking by the door. She starts freaking out a little when she feels someone grab her hand, "Let me go!" she says frantically but quickly relaxes when she hears that familiar deep raspy voice of Happy telling her, "It's okay, your safe, calm down your just in the hospital."

Relaxing a little she asks, "How long have I been out?"

"A few hours," Happy answers sitting back, but not releasing her hand.

"How did you find me?"

He smirks "Your phone had a tracker."

"Well glad to find that my iPhone works," she laughs.

"Yeah," he says softly.

"Who checked me out?" she asks.

"Tara, she should be here shortly Jax went to get her."

"Okay, it's not good huh," she asks already feeling uneasy.

"I don't know your brother does," Happy says a bit uncomfortably.

"He call Eva?"

He was going to respond when Tara comes in and says "Hey Natalie, you had us worried there for a moment."

"I must have lost a lot of blood to have a blood bag attached to an IV," she observes.

Tara nods "Natalie, I have some results and a few things to talk to you about."

Happy gets up to leave but Natalie grabs his hand and quickly says, "Please don't leave me"

"You sure," he asks.

"Please" She says and he sits back down not letting go of her hand while Natalie says to Tara "Just give it to me straight no sugar coating."

Tara nods, "I did a rape kit on you, you had tearing inside the walls from some type of object. Your clitoris was cut out," Tara pauses before she asks, "I have to ask were you ever pregnant before?"

Natalie nods "Yeah but I had a miscarriage about two years ago why?"

"I'm so sorry but I ran a pregnancy test on you and when it came back you were pregnant. I did an ultrasound which confirmed you were two months but due to all the blood loss you lost the baby, I am so sorry."

Natalie just nods refusing to cry, "Anything else?"

Tara nods "Your lower back was carved into pretty bad, it will heal but the scars will always be there."

Natalie just nods as Tara changes tone, "That was doctor mode, this is friend mode, I'm so sorry Natalie. Just know that if you ever want to talk I am here for you, anytime just call."

"Thank you Tara," Natalie says softly trying to remain composed.

"I'll be back later, I have to go do rounds," Tara says before heading to the door.

Once she is gone Natalie looks at Happy knowing the questions he wants to ask but isn't, "You can ask the questions."

"I don't have any," he says looking her in the eyes.

She shakes her head "Yes you do, I can see it in your eyes."

"Did you know?" he asks.

"No I didn't know I was pregnant, but I know it was yours because I haven't slept with anyone since my divorce other than you. I miscarried the first time because of falling down stairs," She says before she can't hold it in anymore and starts to sob.

Seeing her breakdown was hard for him, he has never dealt with a crying female so he's not sure what to do. He moves her over so there's room for him and just holds her letting her cry. He was shocked to find out she was pregnant with his baby but had miscarried, and to know she had miscarried once before pissed him off even if it wasn't his the first time. After everything she has gone through the fight they had shouldn't have happened in the first place. Yeah they weren't a couple officially but he had thought they were even if they never talked about it, so he could do what he wanted on the road which he did. He knew he shouldn't have messed around with the college chick when he was up in Tacoma but to him it was just meaningless sex no feelings attached on his part. To be fair he was and is single, maybe it's time they have a serious talk and figure out what they are. He might not have wanted to be a father but to know his blonde beauty was pregnant with his kid didn't scare him or make want him to run. Now more than ever he wants to torture and kill the Perez family.

"Why does everything bad always happen to me?" she asks while crying still.

"I don't know," he says kissing the top of her head, unsure himself why.

"I wanted that baby more than anything," she cries clutching him closer to her.

"We can try again when you're ready," he says.

"Why would you want me I'm damaged goods? You heard Tara I miscarried and have no clit can't feel any pleasure," she says sadly.

Hearing her be so broken is hard for Happy to hear, but he doesn't view her as damaged goods to him. She's still his smart mouthed blonde beauty, so she doesn't have her clit she still has her g-spot, "Little Quinn, you're not damaged goods," he says firmly. "So you miscarried, I got you pregnant once I can get you pregnant again. You still can feel pleasure your g-spot is still intact."

"I just want to stop crying, why can't I stop?" she asks.

"I don't know but you probably have a lot of pain you kept bottled up," Happy keeping her as close to him as he could.

Laying in his arms she felt safe, and taking what her mom and Shawn said to heart she decides to start opening up to him. After all he had that one time he spoke about his smiley face tattoos. "While I was out I saw my mom and my ex Shawn," She looks up at his questioning eyes, "Before you get mad it was before Romeo, before prison. We started dating our freshmen year of high school and after my mom passed from cancer when I was 17, even when I started the drugs he still stood by me. No he wasn't a drug addict stayed away from that. While I was in prison he visited me every chance, we were a great couple. I get out and was more than happy to be with him. But I guess fate had other plans the night I watched the person I loved with all of my heart die in front of me while I was helpless."

Happy just stays quiet knowing that her opening up is rare and even though he doesn't want her to go down memory lane with her in a crying state, he knows it probably won't happen again, "So you see, I couldn't open up to you and closed you off because I felt like I was cheating on Shawn, but I got my closure and what I needed," she says softly.

He nods not wanting to have this serious conversation in a hospital room stops her by saying "Let's finish this conversation once you're released."

She nods, "Surprised you decided to ride back with the guys, I thought you'd stay up in Tacoma with your college chick."

He shakes his head "I ain't arguing with you here."

"I'm not trying to argue with you, I was just saying what I thought," she sighs.

He takes a breath, "You don't got to worry about her, the day I rode out I told her there won't be anymore going on between us. Now let's finish this when you get out, you are in no shape to have this conversation now."

"Okay, I am sorry though."

"Got nothing to be sorry about little Quinn."

They hear a knock on the door and she sees Tig and her brother walk in, "Hap, Tig, think I can have some alone time with my sister," Rane asks.

"Sure, I'll be right outside, then it's my turn" Tig says.

Happy gets up, looks at Natalie and says, "I'll be right outside with Tig."

Once the two are gone Quinn goes over and pulls her into a hug, "I'm sorry Natabug."

"Rane, it's not your fault, don't blame yourself," she says clinging to him.

"I'm guessing Tara told you," he says sadly.

She nods, "Yeah, I didn't even know I was pregnant. I never had the symptoms just had my period a week ago, I wasn't even that far along but I feel empty."

"Natalie, I don't know how you feel but please don't close yourself off from everyone. I can't lose you, almost losing you made me scared for once in my life. I don't want to feel like that again."

"Okay, I'll try," she promises. "I saw mom and Shawn while I was out."

"No shit," he says sitting next to her on the bed with his arm wrapped around her.

"It was nice," she says leaning into him.

"Did you get the closure you needed with Shawn?"

"Yeah I did," she says quietly.

"So you thinking of letting my best friend in and stopping the games," he asks looking down at her.

"I will try, but I'm not guaranteeing anything. Did you know about the Tacoma college girl?"

Quinn shakes his head, "I thought he had ended it when he transferred to SAMCRO. Eva gave him hell for it."

She chuckles "I bet she did, do you think he has ended it now?"

He nods "I do, you know after your huge fight he got his ass chewed out by Eva even got a hard slap on the face from her. He ended it the next day."

"We are having a deep talk once I am released," she says.

"Good the two of you need to," he huffs.

"We both know he doesn't follow rules, I barely do," she says shaking her head.

Quinn chuckles "No he doesn't but I know he doesn't want to lose you, and I do know when he cares and loves someone it runs deep."

"I don't want to share him while he is on the road but I also know that is impossible," she says almost miserably.

He laughs "Eva gave me my rules and between us two I haven't had anything more than a lap dance since we been together even if it was okay to get road head."

"Why haven't you done more than a lap dance?"

He smirks "You really want to know details?"

"No," she says smiling for the first time.

"Let's just say she knows what she is doing and puts all those free pussy to shame," he says wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"So your saying I should give him the same rules Eva gave you and all he will do is lap dance?"

"I can't tell you what to do that's between you and him," he says hugging her tighter.

TWO DAYS LATER

Today is the day that Natalie is getting released, and Luann and Gemma is supposed to be taking her home. Natalie sees Luann come in with a bag minus Gemma, "I went over to your apartment and got you somethings."

She smiles fondly at her mother figure and says, "Thank you, let me guess Gemma is over at my apartment making sure everything is in order?"

Luann smirks "Yeah, your killer is our escort."

She smiles "Of course he is, hasn't left my side since I've been here."

"Look at the plus in this situation, you scared him so bad that it made him realize he doesn't want to lose you," Luann says sitting in the chair next to her hospital bed.

"I guess. Hey Luann did you give Otto rules?" Natalie asks curiously.

She smirks, "I did but he never went further than lap dances. After being on a run we had amazing sex because after a long run with no head or anything he needed a form or release."

"So what did he do on a run after lap dances?"

She smirks "Good ole phone sex."

"It didn't bother you in the beginning when you gave him the rules of sharing him?"

"Oh it did but I also knew that he would either follow the rules or not even bother with the free pussy," Luann says raising an eyebrow.

"I feel like I won't be able to please him anymore," Natalie sighs.

She gets up, puts her bag down next to her, and gives her a hug, "Natalie there is nothing you can't do that won't please him. Look at it like this, plenty of new positions to try and get pleasure from your g-spot."

"Yeah but that's not the same orgasm feeling," she says dejectedly.

"Go get changed, don't want to keep them all waiting," Luann says after hugging her tightly one more time.

Natalie goes into the bathroom and pulls out the jeans, white tank top, gray cardigan, and her tall tan three button uggz. Once changed the charge nurse shows up and Natalie signs her release papers and schedules her follow up apartment in two weeks. Once outside she sees Happy walking towards her and Luann. He gives her a hug and she says, "Take me for a ride."

He shakes his head "When you're all healed we will go on a ride." She pouts while he shakes his head "That's not going to work this time."

They leave the hospital and she hops in the passenger side of Luann's car. Once at her place she sits in Luann's car and grabs her hand, "Luann I can't go inside."

"Oh sweetie, yes you can. Trust me the only way to heal is to confront it head on."

"But kip died in my apartment protecting me, and because of that he never got his full patch he deserved," Natalie says tears forming in her eyes.

"No one blames you Natalie, you really want the Perez's to win?" Luann asks squeezing her hand.

Natalie shakes her head, "Your right," she takes a breath and says, "I'm ready."

"I'm right here with you," Luann says as they get out of the car.

Natalie walks up the steps with Luann and Happy behind her. She opens her door and is shocked to see that not only are all of SAMCRO, her brother, Donut, Lee and some blonde she doesn't know but Eva, Kristina, Audrey, Dwayne, Antonio, and the Alvarez family are there, and of course Gemma, Donna, and Tara. She looks at everyone and says "What is this?" shocked that everyone is here in her apartment.

Eva speaks up "You really think I wouldn't come?"

She shakes her head "Well no it's not that it's just shocking is all." Eva goes over and just hugs her tightly, Natalie hugs her back and says, "Well looks like I'm under dressed," everyone laughs and she enjoys their company. She appreciates the gesture but she really didn't want any company, she just wanted to be alone.

After a while she goes out on her balcony and looks out thinking about everything that has happened in her life and she laughs to herself knowing that she has the worst luck ever. Maybe chasing adventure or living life on the edge isn't the smartest idea. She feels hands on her shoulders and jumps a little tensing "Relax sis, it's just me."

She lets out a breath, "You scared the shit out of me Rane."

He puts his hands up, "Didn't mean to, you good?"

She nods her head, "Yeah just needed some space from everyone."

Quinn shakes his head looking at his sister, knowing she is starting to close herself off like old times and shut everyone out. "Natalie don't revert back to your old self and shut people out. It won't do yourself any good."

She lets out a sigh "I know Rane, and I'm not going to, just because I needed some space away doesn't mean I'm going to isolate myself."

"What's really going on?" he asks turning her around to face him.

She shakes her head "Nothing I promise."

"Natalie please talk to me, I want to help," he pleads.

Natalie looks at her brother, she never has she seen him like this. Not even when she went into rehab or when he would visit her in prison. She puts her hand on his arm and says, "Thank you Rane, I know you want to help and I want you to help its just I don't know what you could do to. I just wish this never had happened, and I wish you could make it all go away but no one can," she says breaking down.

He pulls her into a hug and lets her cry soothing her back. "You know I would if I could but I can't. When you know what I can do to help just tell me and I'll do it."

She wipes away her tears and says "I will. Would you ever transfer to SAMCRO?"

He shrugs "I don't know never thought about it why?"

She shakes her head "Just wondering is all," she says going to walk back inside but he pulls her back gently and asks "You want me to transfer?"

"No I was just asking," she say smiling at him.

They go back inside and Natalie enjoys herself and once the last person leaves she is left with silence which she desperately needed. Looking around her apartment she doesn't see any trace of blood, but she can't let the memory go, sitting on the couch she just sits there hugging herself and starts to cry again. She shakes her head at herself irritated at the fact that she can't stop crying.

Happy had left with Tig and Chibs early into the party to go take care of something regarding the

big plan. After taking care of it they returned to tell Clay it was done. The whole time Happy was distracted by thinking about Natalie and how she didn't look there. She was there physically but mentally and emotionally she seemed distant which only made him worry about her wondering what to do or how to act. Walking into the apartment he didn't know what to expect but seeing her on the couch hugging herself and crying he stood frozen, not knowing what to do. He goes over and sits next to her saying nothing.

Natalie didn't hear him come in but she knew the person next to her was Happy. She couldn't explain it but she could feel when he was around. She thinks about what Shawn and her mom told her so for once she decides to try it out and see where it takes her. Unwrapping her arms she puts her hand on top of his and says, "I um don't know how this um works, but I um, am ready to open up to you a little."

He moves his hand so his is on top of hers and says, "I don't know how this works either."

She laughs a little, "Well I am willing to try if you are."

Looking at her he asks "Are you sure you want to finish the conversation we had at the hospital?"

She looks at him and says, "Yeah, I'd rather just get it over with then keep putting it off. I think we have put it off for some time, plus let's just lay everything out on the table, ask everything and anything. Then after this we move forward."

He nods, "Okay."

She takes a breath, "Don't get mad but I need to ask, other than college bitch were there others?"

He shakes his head, "Some crow eaters and sweet butts, but it's only been her up in Tacoma. But like I told you we are over."

"For good or just the time being," she asks.

"For good," he says solemnly. "So you sure you want to try this out with me?"

She looks into his dark eyes, smiles and says, "I'm positive I want to try this out with you."

"So you want to let everything out on the table?"

She nods, "Yeah, I still remember when you showed me your smiley face tattoo and told me what they meant. I was going to open up but stopped myself, and as crazy as it sounds after what happened I woke up and realized that I'm a fucked up, crazy, smart mouth who was chasing adventure and acting on impulse. From a young age I had to grow up quickly. My dad left us when I was five with a broken promise, my mom was a single mother trying to raise two kids who weren't the easiest, then when my brother left home at sixteen to go stay with our dad my mom turned to drugs leaving me at nine to take care of myself. When she finally got clean I was thirteen and not long after that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she went in remission, but when I was sixteen the cancer came back. This time it was stage four and a year later she died. Watching her die and being helpless broke me, that's why I turned to drugs, it numbed the pain and let me forget everything for moment. If it wasn't for Kristina and her family, Audrey, Eva, and most importantly my brother I wouldn't have got myself clean. I did the work and then after three months I got into Charter College with Kristina. It was then we met Anna Stahl who I befriended, we weren't super close like I am with Kristina, Eva, or Audrey, but we were friends."

She looks at him and sees that he is listening intently, they make eye contact and while looking into his eyes she sees understanding and curiosity. Smiling she says, "The night driving home from Alvarez's I thought back to getting arrested, that was my breaking point of being closed off and not showing emotion. The first night in the prison I had went through initiation as a prison bitch and got my first dot," she says pointing to the dot closest to the inside. "I was supposed to get the fifth dot inside the four to represent the prisoner inside the 4 walls but I was moved up to be in Helga's crew due to the Perez family. It got a little easier for me and within three months I actually got pretty close to Helga, her right hand Lex, and her left hand Pia. Right before I got out I'll never forget what Helga had told me, she said regardless of what happens when I get out if I ever landed back inside I would have a spot in her crew. They had found out that I was wrongly sentenced, anyways and after that you know, the rest."

"You done?" he asks.

She shakes her head, "No but I think I did enough talking for the moment. Whatever you do tell me stays with me, I don't air peoples business."

He nods, "I was raised by a single mom, my dad left when I was twelve. I gave her hell, got involved with the streets that's how I met Herman Kozik the blonde who's the Tacoma S.A.A, I found SAMTAC through him. We were prospects together, then became a patched members. I started doing the hits because of extra money you get, and after a few years I earned the name Tacoma Killer, I became the club enforcer, then later joined the Nomad Charter to get more money and take care of my sick mom. While in the Nomad Charter I got to know your brother and we became close. I then moved to the Redwood Original." She nods and he says, "I never pictured having kids or getting an old lady because I live for the club and would die for them. I am a solider staying in for life, I still believe that but meeting you three months ago you wormed your way into my life and have stayed there. You drive me crazy, I won't deny that, but you make having an old lady and kids seem possible for me. Being with me isn't easy, I'm possessive, a little controlling, hot headed, quick temper, and apparently an asshole."

She smiles at him and says, "I know being with you won't be easy, but you see all I want is you and you seem to forget I am not the easiest to be with either. I'm a smart ass, got crazy OCD, am crazy, but when I love I love with every fiber of my being, and I want to show you that."

He kisses her and before it goes further she pulls away and says, "We still have to go over the rules if I'm going to be yours."

He nods "So what are my rules?"

She says "I know most of the old ladies give the same rules but I don't want to be like everyone else. So if you're going to be with me then you're only going to be with me. I am not sharing you with some easy slut, so no sex, no blow jobs, no kissing. A lap dance is okay but that's it."

Listening to her lay out his rules he knows it's going to be difficult but he's willing to try, "Deal but the same goes for you. I don't mind you having guy friends or hanging out with the guys but nothing further. I will warn you though, if I can't get shit while on the run you better be prepared when I come back."

"I can handle that, better get used to using your hand while on a run," she smirks at him.

He shakes his head pulling her on top of him so she is straddling him, "Smart ass."

She smiles, "I'm your smart ass, asshole."

He smirks, "Never said I was nice," he says kissing her.

They are making out and he moves his hands up and down her sides and slides his hand under her tank top and unclasps her bra. As he is about to go any further she stops and gets up walking away. He sits there shocked watching her walk away to the bedroom wondering what the hell he did. After a moment he follows her into the room to see her wiping away some tears, great more crying, he thinks wraps his arms around her, "What's the matter babe?"

"I'm sorry I thought I was ready but I'm not," she sniffles.

"Nothing to be sorry about, and you don't got to cry about it," he huffs.

She laughs and gets up and changes into her pj's. She gets into bed while he strips down to his boxers and throws on a pair of sweats. After he gets in bed and gets comfortable he pulls her to him. As she is resting her head on his chest she asks "Where did you leave to go earlier?"

"Not your concern," he says gruffly.

Moving and propping herself up on her arm she says, "Happy I don't need to know as much as Tara or Gemma, but I don't want to be left in the dark like Lana or Donna. I can handle a lot of shit, everything everyone thinks Romeo did I did, he just got the credit."

He looks at her and when he looks into her blue eyes he knows it's over for him and she has won. He sighs, "Whatever I tell you stays between us and doesn't go beyond this apartment."

She nods and says, "Deal."

"Don't flip out but we kidnapped Sofia Perez."

Natalie shakes her head, "But Happy she is innocent in this, plus she is due in two weeks."

"Don't worry nothing is going to happen to her, we are just using her as leverage. Chibs is with her at Piney's cabin," he says to assure her.

She just nods and asks, "Anything else?"

"Before I got here Dario had reached out to clay and they are having a sit down."

"Shouldn't you be there?" she asks and he shakes his head. She sighs, "Can you promise me something?"

He nods, "I can try."

"Please don't let anything happen to Sofia or Dario. I know Dario was the one who kidnapped me but he never touched me. I might have been unconscious but I could hear voices and I never heard him, and once I did he got pissed at what he had saw. I know he delivered the box but he didn't know my clit was going to be in it. It was just supposed to be a video of me badly beaten."

He sighs, "I can't promise anything but I'll try. I want you to hear it from me that when I get my hands on Romeo or Miguel, or both, I will make sure they are tortured and then killed. Then I'll be adding two more smiley faces."

She knows he doesn't just get a smiley face put on him unless it's a kill for the club or personal. As crazy as it sounds she gets a warm feeling in her stomach knowing that two of the many smiley faces were for her. "So what you're saying is the next two faces are for me?" He nods, she doesn't say anything but gives him a kiss that says it all.

He pulls away and says "Let's get some sleep."

"Okay, good night asshole," she says smiling as she lays her head on his chest.

"Good night smart ass," he says as he wraps his arms around her.

Happy stayed up a little longer after Natalie had fallen asleep thinking about everything they had talked about. He was glad that she trusted him enough to open up and let him in just like he had started letting her in. He wanted to do something for her or get her something that showed her how much he appreciates her but doesn't know what. Maybe he'll ask her group of close friends, Nah better to just figure something out on his own.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!