His mission was worse than the others but he didn't dare to complain. Johnson was mighty and could liquidate him in a blink of an eye. He hated this man but there was nothing he could do to get away from him.

After the mission was done Clint snuck into the tower in the middle of the night, grabbing his stuff before he snuck out again. He ordered Jarvis to keep his artificial mouth shut.

"Fury says he returned three days ago," Phil had a long talk with Nick about Clint and Johnson. Nick said Johnson was not trustworthy and the worst of them all. The guy tried to gain more influence and aroused suspicion more than once with his scheming and ruthless behavior. Why Clint was involved with him was a riddle to both of them. Nick only knew that Johnson started to ask for Clint years ago, he wanted no one else, just Barton. Fury had confronted him about his dealing with Johnson but the archer was unusually terse.

Tony had enough and walked straight to Barton's room, storming inside. "Barton?"

The bed was made and it looked like no one lived in there for a while. Phil looked around, opening the dresser as his gut told him that Clint might have run. He was right. "He's gone."

"What?" Steve gasped. "What do you mean?"

"I made him choose and he did. He chose S.H.I.E.L.D.," Phil felt bad for what he'd said. He knew it wasn't fair and that Clint liked being a hero. It was his dream after all. I took it away from him... He made the decision. It was his choice.

"Where is he?" Steve sounded worried; he knew about most parts of Clint's past and was scared the kid was back on the streets.

"I guess he returned home," Phil hoped the archer didn't run for good. He couldn't lose him; he needed him around even if they couldn't be together anymore.

"Where is his apartment? I let Jarvis check on him," Tony seemed nervous.

"Room 21, section C on the Helicarrier."

"He lives on this… flying coffin?" Tony was shocked, that was no place to live.

"He likes it there," Phil needed a long time to understand why and the truth about Barton's way of thinking was more than disturbing. His room was his little nest, between hundreds of agents. He felt safe there, like nothing bad could happen there. Phil wondered if Clint still felt that way since Loki blew up half the ship, or rather Clint did.

"Are the chambers comfortable?" Steve asked interested. The boy deserved comfort.

"Bed, dresser, desk, chair," Phil shrugged. Barton was not in the position to get one of the big rooms. They were reserved for the director, Hill and people as high in rank as Phil.

Tony groaned, "The day he moved in with us must have felt like a dream. That explains why he moved in with just one duffle bag in hand."

"He doesn't need much," Phil remembered the day they moved in together. Clint moved in with a bag of clothes and his favorite bows. All they had belonged to Phil and that was alright for Clint. For some reasons Phil never truly understood why it was enough for Clint to share Phil's stuff. The archer loved Phil's couch and his world's best uncle mug. The purple cereal bowl was unofficially Clint's after the third day just like the right side of the bed. Phil had changed nothing after their breakup. The bowl was still on its rightful place, the right side of the bed was still Clint's. The mug his niece gave him years ago was securely locked in one of the cabinets. "Even with his paycheck he never stopped being modest. He earns a lot of money but you could think he's poor, counting any penny."

"When he earns a lot how much do you get?" Tony raised a brow. Coulson must be well heeled.

"Not as much as you do," Phil deadpanned. Clint was still the main topic within his mind.

"Find him," Natasha demanded. "Bring him back home." She knew she was not in any position to bring Clint back home. They weren't on best terms since he left Coulson. The archer left her too. He didn't return her calls, avoided to meet her and kept his distance when they finally met. In addition to that she was angry at him for breaking Phil's heart so brutally.

Phil didn't put up much of a fight, deep inside he wanted to find him too. "I'm on my way."

:::::::::::

Coulson stood in front of Clint's door. From Nick he knew that the room Clint used to live in was not his anymore. The archer moved into a room in section E, far away from other agents. Nick had offered him a bigger room but Barton declined.

He knocked but nobody opened so he let himself in with help of his security code. The room looked like the old one. Sparsely decorated and a little messy. Phil looked around; he was nosy and opened the dressers to make sure Clint lived in there and to sooth his curiosity.

Phil's breath caught in his throat as he found a little box with his name on it and the little side note 'better times'. He opened the box with shaky hands while tears filled his eyes. Two pictures greeted him, one where Clint had his arms around Phil wearing a broad smile. The other one showed Phil with his favorite cap, ranger shirt and jeans. He was smiling. Phil couldn't remember where the picture had been taken or who had taken it. A bracelet Phil had given Clint was in the box too. Their initials were engraved on it; Phil had bought it in addition to a bow for their anniversary. The box contained almost anything Clint treasured, the little plush hawk Phil had bought him in Texas, postcards Phil had sent whenever he visited his family and a love letter Phil wrote years ago while he was on an away mission without Clint for two months.

Coulson was confused it seemed Clint could not let go either but he was the one who ended it. It made no sense at all. Why should he end their relationship and keep the memories?

"I took the picture during the new York Yankee game you enjoyed so much," it was Phil's favorite team and he had been happy that he made it to the game after some cluster fuck of mission. They won and Phil had a real good time.

Phil jerked as Clint's voice appeared beside him; the archer came through the vent and snuck into his own room. "What are you doing here, sir?"

It was hard to speak, the knot in his throat felt like he was choking. Phil rubbed angrily his tears away. "I'm here to make sure you didn't run," he finally managed to say.

Clint looked at him with his big blue eyes before he reached out to stroke the tears away, his touch was caring and gentle what irritated Phil even more. "Don't cry sir. I'm not worth your tears."

"You are to me and you know that."

"You should move on." Clint sat down next to Phil and took the bracelet out of the box; playing with it.

"I tried but it's not easy when you're around."

"I can leave," Clint offered.

"No, you're too valuable." Too precious to me. I hate that I can't stop loving you. I want to continue hating you, I want to forget you, but I can't.

"I don't love you anymore," Clint used his best acting skills but Phil was not convinced. "I kept these because we had a nice time. I don't have much I like to remember."

"Is there someone else?"

Clint lowered his gaze.

"Is it Johnson? Are you fucking him?"

"No," Clint shook his head the thought made him sick. "It's complicated."

"Do you love him?"

"No."

"So why?" Phil almost yelled in frustration.

"I lied to you about how much I love you. It's just that. You think too much sir. We had fun, you're good in bed but that's it."

"So I was nothing more than your sugar daddy?" Phil felt his heart break all over again.

"Sounds so harsh," and Clint could see that what he said did the trick. Phil's anger and disgust was clearly visible in his eyes.

Coulson couldn't hold his anger in check anymore; he was so angry and hurt. He took one deep breath and before Clint knew what was happening, the older agent hit him. "Goodbye agent." Phil turned around and stormed out of the room. He wasn't sure what to think and what to believe in. It felt wrong, everything felt utterly wrong.

"Goodbye love," Clint whispered to himself after Phil had left. He put the bracelet around his wrist and took the picture where Phil looked so at peace. He wasn't angry or hurt that Phil hit him; the older agent had every right to be mad at him. Clint was surprised Phil didn't hit him sooner. Coulson had a bad temper, at times he yelled or threw things in frustration but he wasn't a violent man, this time was an exception. Clint stroked with his fingertips over the picture before he placed a kiss on it, his split lip left a red spot on Coulson's cheek, "I'm sorry."

:::::::::::::

Clint stayed away from the Avengers and Phil. When he saw one of them at HQ he walked the other way, had he an offer for a mission together with his ex-team he declined. Natasha had tried to talk to him but he ignored her. She yelled and cussed, she tried to be gentle and understanding but nothing worked. She was mad because he hurt Coulson again, she could see it even though Phil hid it well. She was angry at him for letting her down. After two days of trying she gave up on him, he didn't want to be her friend again so be it.

The next few months went by in a blur for Phil. He made it his mission to get Johnson behind bars, destroying whatever he had with Barton. Phil knew he should wish Clint all the best and should be happy that the man he loved was happy. In this case Clint was not happy but that didn't make it any better, or worse. All Phil wanted was to destroy the man who stole his archer away.

Fury noticed what he did and called him into his office. The talk had been long and strenuous. Nick was not happy that Phil chose a mission so dangerous and Phil was not happy about Nick's order to stay away from Johnson. Fury gave in after two hours as he realized that Phil would not stop until Johnson was behind bars or dead. It was easier to keep an eye on his old friend when he wasn't sneaking around behind his back. The changes in his old friend worried him greatly. He was quiet, constantly brooding and the dark rings beneath his eyes seemed to never fade.

The Avengers had noticed the changes too. It wasn't hard to miss the way Coulson ghosted around the tower and threw himself into his work. What worried them most was the fact that Coulson seemed not to care if he lived or died. He faced bullets, laser beams and grenades with no fear at all. The agent used to be nervous, there was a twinkle in his eyes that gave him away, but the glitter was gone just like the rest of life within Phil.

Steve had tried to have a word with him a few times but he never got the desired answer, he was clueless and had no idea what happened to his friend. Tony on the other hand let Jarvis spoil the agent and sometimes expensive gifts appeared out of nowhere. Bruce never asked directly about what Phil knew he wanted to talk about. The big man waited for Phil to open up on his own accord.

Natasha was less friendly with her approaches. She was scared that she might lose Phil too. Clint and Phil were her family and Clint was already gone so Phil was all she had left. She told him so, that she needed him and that he was family, but the older man didn't care. He just said he was sorry and that he was sure she'd find someone special in no time; referring to Bruce. Phil was right she had the Avengers by her side but it wasn't the same, they did not free her from the red room, they did not grant her a second chance in life and they did not put her back together with patience and love.

It was the first time in a long time that she cried, she felt lonely without Clint and seeing Coulson throwing his life away broke her heart.