This one's just silly, haha. I was joking around with Snowbound Mermaid and… I never said this was only a B/R one-shot series! Just that they'd be main characters! :P
2029.
The doorbell rings.
"Someone's at the door," says Pen.
Luke doesn't look away from his game.
"Luke, the doorbell's ringing," she says.
"I'm in the middle of a level."
The doorbell rings again.
"Luke," she says.
"Why do I have to get the door?"
"Because there's someone there." She's texting her friends on her watch. Luke pauses the game, throws down his controller and goes downstairs, stomping each step of the way.
He opens the door: it's a tall woman, her dark hair pulled back from her face, wearing a kinda tight top and shades and lipstick. Luke hangs on the doorknob. "Hey, kiddo," she says, pulling her shades down a little. "Holy crap, you've gotten tall."
"Hey, Aunt Robin," Luke says. He hopes he sounds cool.
"Aunt Robin?" Pen cries from the top of the stairs; she races down them and hugs her. Sure, now she wants to answer the door, Luke thinks. "Ohmigod! When did you get back to America? Was Brazil, like, amazing?"
She throws her arms around Aunt Robin, who chuckles, looks a little surprised (hah, she doesn't want to hug Pen, Luke thinks triumphantly), pats her back. "Just last night! It's been forever since I got up here and I have a few days off… where's your dad?"
Dad and Aunt Robin hug, kiss cheeks hello. They get to catching up, talking about Aunt Robin's trip, work, about all of Pen and Luke's aunts and uncles and cousins, Pen jumping in, trying to sound like a know-it-all, like she's important or whatever. Luke stays mostly quiet.
At one point, Aunt Robin says, joking, "When did we all get so old? Look at us!"
"Hey, we pull it off," says Dad. "Personally, I'd been looking forward to dignified middle age for years now. And you…"
"I've still got it," Aunt Robin says, smirking a little, wearing dark red lipstick. Dad just laughs. "But seriously, I can't believe how grown up Penny and Luke are," she says. She glances right at Luke. "You look just like your dad," she says. "You're gonna get popular with the ladies in a year or two," Aunt Robin teases, and winks at him, and Luke feels warm all over.
A few weeks later, everyone comes over for dinner. After they eat, Luke and Marvin peel off to play video games; he doesn't really pay attention where all the girls go off to. Dad and everyone cluster in the living room to drink and swap boring stories from when they were young; he kinda listens to see if Aunt Robin talks about him, but she doesn't.
A couple of months later, Luke and Pen spend the weekend and Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall's house on Long Island. They all campaign to be allowed to go into the city — without parents — for the day, and when Aunt Lily shuts that down, Daisy suggests that Uncle Barney could supervise them instead. Uncle Marshall shoots that one down flat, knowing just as well as they do that Uncle Barney would let them do whatever they wanted. (It's a loophole Luke had personally figured out how to abuse by the age of ten.)
"What about Aunt Robin?" Marvin asks. "She hasn't left for Egypt yet, right?"
Aunt Lily says that if Aunt Robin is free and willing to shuttle four teenagers and one pre-teen around Manhattan for the day, then yes, they can go to the city.
She wins her bet. Aunt Robin is not free, and sounded horrified by the prospect over the vidchat.
Luke is a little disappointed.
For Christmas, everyone comes over to Luke's house to open presents. Aunt Lily shows up early to help decorate, and Luke keeps bumping into tinsel and plastic reindeer. Everyone keeps hoping it'll be snowy and they can go sledding or caroling or something (everyone but Luke, because that sounds super lameo), but it doesn't.
Luke gets some new games and a hat and gloves to replace the ones he lost earlier this year, snowboarding lessons, some candy from Pen, and some pretty okay gifts from his Aunts and Uncles. It's a good haul, all things considered.
They go around in a circle, opening presents one at a time, which takes forever, but he very casually sits himself next to Aunt Robin on the sofa, and leans his arm back on it casually, and they make small talk like: Wow, does Daisy really read that much? Yeah, I guess so. and: This is taking forever. Yeah.
Aunt Robin nudges him in the ribs, leans in close to whisper in his ear: "Check it out, Penny has tinsel stuck in her hair."
She has on some kind of really nice smelling perfume. And she's wearing lipstick again. Luke has to clear his throat before nodding in agreement. Yes, his sister sure does.
He wonders if Aunt Robin would kiss his cheek if they passed under the mistletoe at the same time…?
"No. No. Noooooo. No, no, no," says Ted.
Lily has collapsed against the kitchen island, her shoulders shaking with laughter. "He does! Oh my god, he so does!"
"I know, right?" Robin says, valiantly trying to keep a straight face as she takes a sip of her wine.
"Who does what?" Barney asks, coming into the kitchen with a load of plates someone must have bullied him into clearing.
"Luke has a crush on me," Robin informs him cooly.
His face splits into a grin. "No!" Unlike Ted, Barney sounds delighted. He dumps the dishes indiscriminately into the sink.
"No!" Ted echoes, horrified. "There — he's — no!"
"She's been teasing him all night!" Lily gasps. At Ted's baleful look, she tries to gather herself. "I mean, and that's awful."
"It's awesome," Barney sniggers, offering Robin a hand — which she slaps — as he crosses the room to Ted. He pats him on the shoulder. "Your kid's a playa."
"This is awful," Ted groans.
"What was the name of that song?" Lily asks. She stands from her stool, crosses over to the kitchen doorway. "Baby, what's the name of that song?"
"What song?" Marshall yells back.
"That song, you know, Jessie's …?"
"Jesse's Girl?" Robin asks.
"From the aughts!" Lily yells. "It was a hit after we graduated!"
"Oh my God, will you guys stop?" Ted moans, sinking onto Lily's abandoned stool. "Luke can't have a crush on Robin! It just — it goes against everything right in this universe!"
"Hey," says Robin. "It's not that weird. I'm still super hot." The look Ted shoots her is so baleful she decides to tone it down a little.
"He's his father's son, alright," Lily says with mostly a straight face.
Barney snorts into his glass. "Isn't heredity wonderful?"
"Can't you talk to him?" Ted asks Robin, ignoring the peanut gallery. "Make him, you know, get over it?"
Robin tries very hard not to be amused by the peanut gallery. "Come on, it's cute. He's thirteen. He'll get over it once the girls in his class start sprouting boobs."
"Not helping," Ted says. "You've gotta think it's weird, too. I mean, we used to date."
Robin doesn't quite understand Ted's logic, but she also thinks the situation is freaking hilarious, so she recognizes her judgement might be a bit off. Maybe. "Sure, but… to Luke, I'm just his super hot Aunt Robin," she points out.
"Actually," says Lily. "If you wanna gross out a thirteen year old with a crush…"
Ted perks up, then his face falls again. "Guys, I'm not that creepy. What kind of weirdo would I be if I sat Luke down and told him I used to … hold hands … with his Aunt?"
"You did a lot more than hold her hand, amiright?" Barney interjects, holding his fist out for a tap. Ted ignores it.
"That kind of weirdo," Robin offers.
"Just slip it casually into a conversation," Lily says. "Luke will be horrified. You've really never mentioned it?"
"I don't know," Ted sighs. "Kids of a certain age don't really care about those types of stories. They're barely even interested in how Tracy and I met, and I think we all agree, that was the most epic tale any of us have ever heard in our lifetimes."
They all elect to ignore that.
"Whatever," says Robin. "You never would have met Tracy without yours truly. Tell him about what an ass you were chasing after me, all the hand holding we got up to, blah blah Tracy, and there you go, there's your in. Luke will be in tears. And I don't think Penny has a crush on me, but just in case, that ought to nip it in the bud." She winks.
"I can't use the story of how I met his mother to just talk about you," Ted protests nobly.
"Okay," Robin says. She winks again. "I think I saw some mistletoe hangin' in the other room, so…" Ignoring Ted's strangled noise, she slides off her stool and heads towards the living room. Sniggering and calling for Luke, Barney follows.
Ted gazes hopelessly at Lily, hoping for her advice and wisdom. Marvin hit puberty years ago; surely she knows more about this than him. Lily shrugs and takes a smug-looking sip of her wine.
Marshall yells in from the dining room: "Stacy's Mom?"