Rose beat a quick retreat from the console room, happy to return to the safety and comfort of her bedroom.
Well isn't this just inconvenient, she thought crossly at the girlish fluttering in her stomach. You can't go falling for him when you're not even supposed to be here.
She wanted him, though, paradoxes be damned. He wanted her too. She could tell. And the really insane thing is that it almost seemed like he was okay with it, not shying away awkwardly like his other selves had always done.
What must it be like, she wondered as she changed back into her regular clothes, which the TARDIS had returned to her, clean and pressed, to have feelings for and to travel with a Doctor who isn't afraid of his emotions?
She knew she'd love to find out.
It's probably better for both of us that I'm about to leave.
She felt an unexpected pang of sadness at that. It seemed a shame to leave him so soon. This version of the Doctor was so different than the others she had known. This is what he was like before the Time War, without that enormous burden on his shoulders... without all of that guilt. It was simply beautiful to see.
Still, there was nothing to be done for it. She had to get back to her Doctor, her proper Doctor, before all the stars went out. The man she'd left in the console room still had years to live before he'd meet her in the right place, at the right time, in the basement of Henrik's... and she wouldn't want to change that meeting for anything.
She smiled to herself as she thought of that first wild day, running through London with an uncannily enigmatic stranger. And she thought of all of the adventures they had shared since... and one heartbreaking road trip to Dårlig Ulv Stranden. No. She had to go. She wanted to go. There was another Doctor out there, to whom she'd promised 'forever,' and she could not wait to see his face again.
By the time the allocated thirty minutes had passed, Rose was pacing around the console room, agitated and trying to calm her nerves.
The Doctor himself was taciturn, almost brooding, as he entered, and immediately started flipping levers and pushing buttons. Neither one of them looked the other in the eye for a few moments. It seemed she wasn't the only one who didn't like the idea of her leaving this time and place.
The Doctor flipped a final switch and sighed heavily. The TARDIS dematerialized smoothly into the vortex.
Rose approached him where he stood, staring down at his hands on the console.
"Thanks for the lift," she told him, covering his hand with her own.
He looked up and smiled at her, but it didn't make it all the way to his eyes.
"It's not too late to change course, you know," he said wryly. "There are so many adventures we could have... I could show you the singing fish of Karas don Kazra don Slava..."
Rose squeezed the hand she was holding and smiled back at him a little wistfully. Both of them knew that neither of them could ignore the fact that Rose still had a universe to save. But it was a beautiful thought
"We're here," he said unnecessarily as the TARDIS finished materializing. "Well, about quarter of a mile away; I didn't want to confuse him with the sound of our materialization. But I should be able to get an image on this screen from the CCTV nearby..." He typed furiously for a few seconds, "And there I am!"
Then, looking closer at the monitor, remarked, "Good lord, is my future as grumpy as all that?" he wondered aloud. "That sour puss is what I have to look forward to?"
Rose was unprepared for what she saw on the view screen. Gripping the edge of the console, she swallowed hard, and stared wide-eyed at the image in front of her. This hadn't even occurred to her as a possibility - it was like looking at a ghost. Her spirits leaped, then quickly fell again. Several emotions seized her all at once, including elation, confusion, and grief.
Yes, it was the Doctor, but instead of pinstripes and thick, unruly hair, he wore black leather, and a pair of icy blue eyes stared out of his angular face. This was a Doctor she never thought she'd see again- the man who had first whisked her away and shown her the stars. She wished she could go to him, even just to spend a few moments, but she knew it was impossible. Either this Doctor hadn't even met her yet, or there was another Rose waiting for him in his TARDIS. She didn't dare cross her own timeline that brazenly.
But she missed him so much... and he was right there, just a quarter of a mile away. Yet again, she felt a lump forming in the back of her throat.
"Are you okay, Rose?" asked the Doctor who was standing next to her, concerned. He reached out to cover her white-knuckled hand with his own.
"Yeah," she whispered, looking up at him with brows knit together and bright eyes, determined not to cry after her breakdown the night before. "I'm okay. But I can't go with him," she gestured at the screen. "We're too early. Chances are he doesn't know me any more than you did yesterday."
"Are you sure?" The Doctor asked.
"Uh... yeah. Positive. If he knows me, I'm with him right now. Because I was there when... at the end... I watched him..."
"Regenerate?" he guessed. Rose nodded. Comprehension crossed the Doctor's face as he seemed to realize the cause of Rose's turbulent emotions.
"I know you're all the same man," she went on. "You and him and all the others. And the new him is wonderful - the one we're looking for. But when it happened... I didn't know what was going on. He barely had time to explain anything. It felt an awful lot like he was dying... like I lost him forever. And sometimes I miss him so much..."
The Doctor's face softened and he pulled her into his arms. She relaxed against him and rested her head on his shoulder, breathing in the comforting, calming scent of his throat as his hands stroked the tense muscles of her back, softly.
"I'm okay," she said softly, making no move to lift her head from his shoulder.
"I know," he said, making no move to let her go.
"I just wasn't expecting that," she said. "Seeing him. Wouldn't have thought it'd make me feel so emotional, either."
"Regeneration is a funny thing," he mused. "It does feel an awful lot like dying. And change is often scary, or jarring. I would be more surprised if you felt nothing, looking into the past like that."
He squeezed her tight for one more moment, then pulled back and held her by the shoulders, looking down into her eyes.
"I believe what we need now, Miss Tyler, is a hot cup of tea."
They walked to the kitchen hand in hand.
"I'm trying to figure a way to narrow my search criteria so that the TARDIS will find only the Doctor you need," he told her as he pulled a selection of tea leaves out of the cabinet and set them on the table in front of her. "But it's a bit complicated since the TARDIS recognizes me by qualities that don't change from one body to the next. Is there anything else you can tell me that might be helpful?"
"What, you can't just search for 'great hair'?" she teased, noticing that the Doctor had remembered which mug she'd used yesterday - her favorite - and had set it out for her again. The gesture made her feel warm inside.
He scoffed at her, feigning great offense at her remark.
"I will have you know, young lady, I often have great hair. That wouldn't narrow things down one bit! I mean, just what do you call this?" He tossed his hair dramatically as though in a shampoo advertisement, causing Rose to have a fit of giggles. He smirked back at her.
"Not bad," she said diplomatically, once she'd calmed herself. Her fingers itched to reach out and touch it, to rake her nails over his scalp.
Control yourself, she thought fiercely.
"Not bad, she tells me," he muttered under his breath. "This is absolutely amazing hair, I will have you know. It's at least a damn sight better than old grumpy's, on the monitor back there. I can't believe you went traveling with a bloke like - wait that's it!" He exclaimed suddenly, interrupting himself. He leaped up from the table, pacing in a quick circle before coming to stand back where he began, beaming delightedly, hands outstretched as if in offering.
"What's what?" Rose asked excitedly, taking the sudden mood swing in stride.
"He's not alone, is he? The me you're looking for? Of course he isn't. I always hate to travel alone. I'm sure he'd have someone else there."
"No," she agreed, catching on. She stood up and walked around to stand next to him as she spoke. "He isn't alone. He's with a woman named Donna Noble, from Chiswick."
"Donna Noble from Chiswick!" He shouted it like a victory cry. "Thank you, Rose Tyler. I just knew you'd know. And now I think I've got it. The TARDIS will know who she is, just as she knew you yesterday. If I include her in my search parameters, it should do the trick - eliminate all of the uncertainty about when we'll find me!"
The delight on his face at having solved the problem was contagious. Rose laughed, taking his outstretched hand as they bolted for the control room, their tea completely forgotten.
The Doctor's fingers flew over the controls of the console, and he spoke to her as he went along in his preparations.
"It will take some more time," he explained, speaking almost as fast as his hands were moving, "for the TARDIS to assimilate the new information. But not quite as long as before, since I've got all of the equipment set up properly already. We'll let her work this evening, and first thing tomorrow you should be sorted out, right as rain."
So soon? Rose squashed the thought down, refusing to feel sad. She was going home. To her Doctor, in her universe. Things would finally be right again. She only wished she could stop feeling so conflicted.
"Tomorrow it is, then," she said confidently, trying to let none of her ambivalence show in her voice.
She found herself staring at the view screen as he worked, watching the other version of him walk through the streets of what seemed like Madrid, a lifetime away from the man next to her now, and the man she would see again tomorrow.
Even when I'm with the Doctor, I miss him, she thought. How is that even fair?
Having finished with all of his button-pushing and lever-flipping for the time being, the Doctor came to stand beside her. Rose reached out reflexively, and he took his hand in hers as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
Because it is.
"I can't understand why you decided to go traveling with me, if I looked as grim as all that," he said, amused, squeezing her fingers and gesturing to the screen with his eyebrows. "There must be something wrong with your brain, Rose Tyler. That Doctor seems like a miserable old grump!"
"You were, a bit, yeah," she agreed, grinning at him. "Or you will be, rather. Wouldn't even take me dancing."
"I don't believe it," he said, shaking his head in haughty disapproval. "I love dancing! And I can't imagine any scenario in any of my lives where I wouldn't want to dance with you."
She turned to face him and he looked away suddenly, and she realized he hadn't meant to say that last bit aloud. She felt a flutter in her belly.
"Believe it," she insisted, poking him in the chest to accentuate her point. "It was like pulling teeth."
"Let me make it up to you?" he asked, in a much quieter voice, turning back towards her and squeezing her fingers gently.
"Yes," she replied, and looked up into his eyes, daring him not to back down.
He didn't.
He dropped her hand and ran around the console to flip a switch. A spirited waltz began to play. Then he returned to her side and bowed extravagantly, extending a hand towards her.
"May I have this dance?" he asked with a gallant flourish.
Charmed, Rose offered him her hand, which he kissed once again, letting his lips linger somewhat longer than they had yesterday. He looked up into her eyes as he did it, and the look she saw there made her blush. And then he pulled her into his arms.
She felt energized by the lively pace and excited by his nearness. He was indeed a strong dancer, and his lead was easy for her to follow. She laughed from the joy of the moment as he whisked her expertly around the console room.
"You know," he told her, "I first learned the waltz on a space station, in the 47th century, but I must say I didn't perfect it until years later in Vienna, sometime in the 1860's. Waltzing was all the rage, then, it was hard not to get caught up in it. Charming fellow, Strauss, and what a fantastic beard he had! Always loved a good laugh..."
She listened to him chatter on for a few moments longer, content to twirl in his arms and commit every detail of the moment to memory: the feel of the velvet coat under her fingers, the sound of his voice, the pressure of his hand against the small of her back, the delicious scent of his skin. After years of working for Torchwood, struggling with the dimension cannon, watching the universe end around her, never resting and always pushing forward, forward, forward... this was the happiest and most relaxed she could remember feeling in recent memory.
The waltz came to an end, and they stilled, but the Doctor made no move to let her go. Rose wanted to wrap herself around him and never move again from that spot. His blue eyes sparkled as they gazed down at her.
He is so beautiful, she thought to herself, drinking in the sight of him. So kind and silly and happy and wonderful.
His cheeks were flushed pink, and the way he was smiling at her made her heart pound from more than just their exertions. The thought of leaving him in just a few short hours made her ache, but she knew there was nothing they could do. The longer she stayed the more at risk she put his timeline, and she had to get to her Doctor in time to save the stars.
And so she stood in the warm circle of this Doctor's arms and tried to be grateful that she'd gotten the chance to know him at all, this wonderful version of the man she loved, even if it was on borrowed time. Rose thought she had never felt so happy and sad all at once.
As if picking up on her mood, the TARDIS began to play a slow, soulful, blues piece, beautiful and bittersweet.
Still smiling down at her, the Doctor relaxed the frame of his upper body, pulling Rose into a closer, softer embrace. His nearness and the intimacy of his touch caused a spark of desire to ignite deep within her belly. She sighed in pleasure and relaxed against him.
"Dancing to the blues," he murmured close to her ear, "is all about surrendering yourself to the music, and letting it move you."
She shivered at the feeling of his breath against her neck, and closed her eyes as he began to move. Once again she followed his lead, feeling the mournful beauty of the music wash over her, relishing the feeling of the Doctor's body pressed so close to hers. Heat pooled at her core and Rose found herself lost in the sensuality of the music, languid and aroused as she let him guide her. They moved as one, Rose following seamlessly as he led her through the peaks and valleys of the sad, sultry piece.
He spun her in a lazy circle, then pulled her close, slowing his movements. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and her entire body tingled with anticipation.
"Rose," the Doctor murmured, touching his forehead to hers, coming to stand still in the center of the room with his arms around her, "I will get you back to me. To the right me. But please. Between now and then... Know that I'm here, if you need me." He pulled her even closer into his arms.
"I always need you," she whispered. She tilted her head up and her nose grazed against his.
They stood frozen for a few long seconds, each of them paralyzed by of all of the dozens of reasons they shouldn't do this. She could feel his breath against her lips.
Then he started to relax his hold on her.
"No," she breathed. Impulsively, she grabbed him by the lapels and closed the distance between them, pulling him into a desperate kiss.
A/N: Hi there, folks. Hope you're enjoying it... I know this is a cruel place to end a chapter, but it was either that or wait several more days for an update. Once again, thank you for all of the reviews, follows, and feedback. It always makes me smile. xxoo - O.A.