This chapter is very set up so please be patient! Oh and thanks for reviews, likes and follows! And Merlin is kind of noble but more magically noble if that makes sense because her mother is a High Priestess and her father a dragonlord. Well that's how I see it anyway! Probably wrong, but hey ho my story my rules!

Merlin's POV

"I'm going for a walk." We'd been sitting in silence for ten minutes and I don't think I can hold my poker face much longer. I can feel it crack as I speak.

"Do you want me to come with you so you don't get lost again?" Morgana looks at me with her eyes full of pity and face etched with concern. I love her but right now I just want to be alone.

"No thank you."

With that I escape without bothering to get anybody else's opinion. As soon as I've walked away from the clearing I break into a sprint and pump my arms and legs to their fullest extent running wildly through the woods.

Escape is all I need. I need to get away from everything and everybody. I need to hide something from everybody and the lies are beginning to smother me. Ever since I arrived in Camelot I feel like I haven't had a bloody choice about anything I do, trapped in a destiny I never asked for. I know I care for Arthur but it feels like I've never had a choice not to and that I've been forced since the beginning to develop feelings for him that can never be acknowledged or reciprocated. Why does the Triple Goddess torture her servants? Ambrosia was never allowed to raise her children properly and was divided from the man she loves for twenty years, Percival is cursed to spend eternity alone, Morgana's father would see her dead and hates her, Balinor never found out he had a daughter and his kin we're slaughtered before his eyes and Morgause well I have no idea but something's going to make her attack Ambrosia if Morgana's vision is right. We all bear the scars of war and it seems all we can do is create more for ourselves.

I reach the crest of a hill and I look down at the forest beneath me, anger and sadness flood me in equal measure and I scream. I have no idea how long I scream to the heavens but by the end my voice is hoarse and scratchy.

My neglected magic swells up inside of me and begs release. Desperate I throw my arms out and release my magic to do what it will. I have held it in far too long and the simple release makes me feel better. I close my eyes and feel the magical energy of my surroundings mix with my magic giving me strength and tranquillity.

I feel the raw energy of my magic pulse through my body and burst out in waves. There are no words to describe the relief and purity in this simple action. When I was a child I would escape into the woods near Ealdor and do this for hours, not only would it help me stop my magic releasing at odd moments but also gave me the same sense of peace as it does now. In these moments are the only times I can feel truly myself. I've had to lie about the real me all my life yet in these moments I have perfect clarity and confidence in what I am.

I am Merlin, also known as Emrys, I have incredibly strong magic (the best there is and ever will be apparently), I am incredibly clumsy, cannot wake up early to save my life and above everything else I am in love with Prince Arthur Pendragon. It doesn't matter, I now realise, that these feelings can never be acted upon it just matters that I have love in the first place and although I can never call him mine I can watch him become the great king I know he shall be. That's enough for me. Love will make me happier not bitter because I will not allow that to happen to me.

I open my eyes slowly and release a long breath. The grass around me has grown rapidly and is now a brighter shade of green, flowers are blooming in between the blades of every colour imaginable and the whole place seems to glow with the goodness of magic. This is what my magic can do and I wasn't even controlling it. I smile warmly and let put a small laugh the lightness of releasing my magic making me slightly dizzy. I love my magic and I would not give it up for anything, it's a part of me as much as my ebony hair and ivory skin, and I will never go so long without using it again.

Ambrosia had to live without it for twenty years the thought and the pity shoot through me before I can stop it. I don't want to feel sympathy for her but I find that I do. I didn't use my magic for a week and I almost went mad and she had to survive for twenty years whilst raising a baby who had impossibly strong magic from her first breaths. She still lied to me about who she was and hadn't bothered to defend herself about why she decided to hide her past and powers to me. But I think I now know that all she wanted to do was protect me and her from the pain of her past. Selfish and as angry as it made me I know she loves me and Morgana.

I don't forgive her but I think I understand her more now with that thought and I smile a little at the similarity between the three of us and even to a certain degree Morgause. We all keep secrets and we all try to protect the ones we love. And then there's the stubborn streak which definitely seems to be a family trait. I laugh at the thought and I remember Hunith telling me something when I was a child not much older than seven or eight. "Women in our family are always strong willed, stubborn, fierce, protective, wise and compassionate. And have excellent bone structure..." I remember my mother, her beauty and kindness and I know that one day I will forgive her but I don't think I'm ready yet.

Mother was right, I am strong willed, stubborn, fierce, protective, not so sure about wise and hopefully compassionate but I hope forgiving will soon join that list. I will forgive Ambrosia, I will protect Arthur, I will fight with the knights, I will love Morgana, I will reunite with Gaius (and forgive him as well), I will try to stop Morgause, I will help Percival move on and be happy and I will help Balinor reunite with the last of his kin as much as the bloody cryptic reptile pisses me off. Yep definitely strong willed.

Leon's POV

Ambrosia walked past me but didn't seem to notice me as I walked to Morgause's tent. "Morgause?"

The blonde in question stuck her head out of the tent with a very irritated look on her face. "Leon, don't you know I meditate at this time in the mornings?"

"Yes but I wanted to talk to you in private. Can I come in?"

She stepped aside and allowed me to enter the tent. "Fine but can we make this quick?"

I didn't answer and simply walked past her into her tent. "I saw Ambrosia leave, is everything ok with you two?"

"As fine as they ever will be." There's a bitter edge to her voice that I hate, I have this mad desire to see her truly happy.

"That's not an answer."

"Everything is fine Leon. Why are you here?" Her eyes flash dangerously in anger but I refuse to let it affect me.

"Why do you meditate?"

"What? Why is that relevant?" She waves her hands impatiently.

"Because I want to get to know you Morgause. So why?" I really do.

She pauses for a moment as if deliberating and then to my surprise reaches to the back of her dress and begins to unlace it. I can't move away my eyes even though I know that I shouldn't be looking but curiosity keeps my eyes transfixed on her. She pulls the back of her unlaced dress apart to expose her bare back and turns to let me see her smooth tanned back.

However instead of the smooth clean skin I expect across the expanse of her back there are deep cuts that are slowly beginning to heal but I can see they were quite recent. I can feel rage rise inside me as I reach out to trace one of the many scars with a light finger. She shivers slightly as I touch her skin but doesn't stop me and I continue tracing the scars. "What happened? Who did this to you?"

"I was whipped." Her tone was clipped and held the clear message she had no desire to speak of this anymore but I was never very good at accepting those kinds of warnings.

"Who by? Who did this to you?" My hand was shaking from barely suppressed rage.

"In the Old Religion you are put under a higher ranking member than you to work for. Mine whipped me to impress upon me the importance of obedience."

"How could anybody do this to you?" I growled. "How could anybody justify this as a teaching tool? How could anybody mar your beauty with such ugly scars?"

A cold laugh escaped her lips, bitter and yet resigned. "Pretty words Sir Knight but to me those mean nothing. Men say pretty words all the time and I won't allow myself to be lied to like that again to again."

"I mean every single word I say." I gently lean down and brush my lips on one of the scars, sending another shiver through her although I see a ghost of a smile flicker across her face. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You drive me insane and sometimes I wonder if you could be as heartless as you try to act but then you will do something that will remind me just how human you are and just how much pain you've been through and I find myself more enchanted by you." I half smiled. "And not in the magical way. When I saw you fight I was amazed by how swift and agile a fighter you are and since that moment I catch myself watching you and only seeing more things to wonder about you."

I see a single tear run down her cheek. "You're not a bad fighter yourself, Leon."

I spin her round so she is facing me and I cup her face in my hands. "I pour out my heart to you and that's all I get?" I ask her with a small smile playing on my lips.

The tears I never thought I'd see her shed are now running unacknowledged down her face but her voice is strong. "You shouldn't have these feelings for me Leon. You should forget them and pursue Freya or Merlin."

I chuckle a bit. "I think Arthur would run me through if I touched Merlin and Freya is like a sister to me." I turn serious again. "Why do you see yourself as so unworthy of being cared for?"

Her eyes fix on me and there's such doubt in them I feel pain through my own heart. "Because nobody has ever wanted to care for me." It's a soft whisper, so much so I barely hear it.

"I want to, Morgause, I want to get to know you and I want to care for you but you have to let me. Can you do that?" My voice is as soft as hers and the moment feels as delicate as glass, so breakable.

Keeping her eyes locked on mine she nods. "I can try... I want to try."

I can't help the grin that is plastered on my face as I gently press a kiss to her forehead. With that the connection was made and I stayed there for a few more moments than I intended wanting to feel the feel of Morgause's skin under my skin, her taste addictive.

When I draw back I notice her eyes flicker open and I know that I'm not the only one to feel the connection. "I shall leave you to your meditation now but would you mind if I came to see you tomorrow around the same time?"

She shakes her head mutely and stays quiet as I leave but then when I am outside I hear a soft voice inside voice inside my head. Please mean your pretty words Sir Knight...

Hope you enjoyed that little bit of Leon/Morgause bonding! And Merlin has an identity crisis which with all the cross dressing and lying isn't really all that surprising...