This is my longest chapter so far and I might have shed a tear writing at (although that might just be the bad writing!). So after the internet guilt tripped me into posting two chapters the other day I've run out of story and now have to get busy actually writing! Damn internet! Anyway enjoy and thanks for even just reading if you still are, which I've kind of just assumed haven't I? And now I'm rambling...

Morgana's POV

"How could you not have told me?" I hear Balinor's voice wash over Ambrosia and I. There's an almost animal undertone to it and I shrink into Ambrosia's side at the raw power of his voice. His pain is obvious but he did this to himself. He hurt Merlin. "How could you not tell me I'd fathered a child?"

I feel rage build up inside of me. THIS BASTARD KILLED MY BABY SISTER! HER OWN GODDAMN FATHER! I DON'T CARE IF HE'S THE LAST BLOODY DRAGONLORD I'M GOING TO KILL THE BASTARD! NOBODY HURTS MY SISTER AND GET'S AWAY WITH IT! "Because you don't deserve somebody as fantastic as Merlin as a daughter." My voice is cold with fury in my voice.

There is a silence as if everybody is shocked by my words but I don't regret them because they are the truth. Men like Balinor and Uthur don't deserve children. No don't think about Uthur! Think about Merlin and Balinor and his crimes! "Freya that's a little harsh..." I never thought I'd see the day when Gwaine is trying to be diplomatic. Screw diplomacy! This bastard put my sister in a dead sleep and he deserves every single little thing I say.

Morgana... It's Ambrosia's voice and it doesn't surprise me.

He deserves it Ambrosia- he hurt Merlin! How can she defend him?

I know but he didn't know that she was his daughter But that doesn't make what he did acceptable!

That shouldn't matter. She was an innocent young girl and he just attacked her. Distantly I can hear everybody else talking around us. Raised voices.

He did think that she was going to hurt me. There's a strange fondness in her voice that makes my stomach turn.

That's still no excuse. Your powerful enough to defend yourself. And why are you defending him? He hurt your daughter! I can tell one of the voices is Balinor's because it sounds more like a growl but the other voices are beyond me.

Of course I'm angry that he hurt my baby. How could you even suggest that I would be fine with him putting my daughter in a long sleep? Good now she's angry as well.

And yet you defend him? Merlin mean so little to you that you care more about a man you haven't seen in twenty years over your own daughter? Well that explains why you abandoned the rest of your children. I'm bitter but I no longer care. This woman is saying that her lover's attack on her daughter was justified! I'm almost glad she abandoned me.

Morgana! I had no choice! I had to leave you in the hands of my sister while I went to Camelot to protect you. I never realised I would be locked up and unable to come back for you. She sounds desperate but I don't want excuses. Excuses don't erase twenty years of not knowing my birth mother and being left alone.

Are you sure that's the reason? Maybe it's because you don't love me because my father raped you. Maybe you didn't want me and now when it's a choice between Merlin and her father you defend your lover. You really hate your own children don't you. That's the first time I've acknowledged that I was conceived against my mother's will. It's odd and chilling to think that I was born out of anger and lust rather than love like Merlin. Perhaps that explains my more temperamental personality...

No I love you both! And Mordred and Morgause. I never had a choice. A flash of pain went through me as I remember a certain dark skinned friend's words.

There's always a choice, that's what Gwen always says. 'In life you always have a choice even if sometimes it's easier to think you don't'. You could have chosen to come and get me when the Purge began and Balinor broke you out of prison. But you didn't. You left me. Now you have the choice of your daughter's life and your lover's hurt feelings and you pick Balinor! Back to my sister. The sister who is currently as good as dead. The rage builds up inside of me again and I go to launch myself at Balinor. Or at least I would if my whole body wasn't ridged in Ambrosia's arms.

No I have no way of saving Merlin and there can be nothing to be gained by hurting Balinor even more than he already is. And what kind of life would you have had with me on the run? A real one?

At least I would have known my mother and met my sister. I wouldn't have had to live in fear for half my life under the threat that my father would likely chop my head off he knew what I was. And Balinor doesn't look nearly repentant and ashamed enough for me! It's true. From what I can see he just seems vaguely befuddled. Maybe a good slap will help him realise that he as good as killed his own daughter?

Morgana, Uthur would never have killed his own daughter. He loved you far too much. I doubt that's true.

But hates magic more. We both know it's true. He would have killed me without hesitation. I would have been safer with you and Merlin. Without the serial killer of a father.

I didn't know I was going to get pregnant with Merlin or that Balinor would leave me. How could I willingly take my child on a dangerous way? I had to leave you behind in safety with my sister. Until Vivienne and Gorlouis died and then I got sent to Uthur Pendragon. Vivienne and Gorlouis we're more than kind to me and treated me like their own (so much so I even believed it) but I still ended up with Uthur.

Safety ended with Uthur. Did he know I was his daughter? Did he lie to me as well? Or maybe for once he is innocent?

Yes I told him whilst imprisoned, hoping he would release me to be with our child however he refused. But he didn't order anything to be done with you. Even though you were a threat to Arthur's throne. That's why I don't think he would execute you Morgana, he knew who your mother was and that hit was highly likely you would have some magic yet he still took you in when my sister died. I think subconsciously he accepted you.

Or he was just waiting for proof to kill me. I don't care what Ambrosia says he was waiting for any excuse. He probably held onto the slimmest hope he had that I wouldn't have the magic he feared I might. He never accepted me and even in the best circumstances wouldn't have changed his mind.

I don't believe that.

Yes well you don't believe Balinor should be punished for almost killing your own daughter so forgive me for not putting much faith in your beliefs or ideals.

I can tell she is about to respond however Balinor's voice breaks through the connection. "Is Freya my daughter also?"

I can't speak, how can I answer without bringing up questions about who actually is? Luckily Ambrosia breaks in before I can. "No Freya is not your daughter. She was conceived before we were together."

Anger and jealously are obvious in his face. "Then who is Freya's father? You never mentioned a previous relationship to me."

It's obvious he's hurt but I can feel Ambrosia is hurt by his words also. I blame her for so many things but I can't find it in me to blame her for Uthur's crime. As for him, let him suffer and die from a broken heart for all I care! He means nothing to me. "I cannot say." Is all that Ambrosia says but it's enough to get Balinor even angrier.

But his voice is cold with fury and quieter. "Just more secrets eh? Maybe I simply imagined the feelings I held for you for you are reciprocated Ambrosia. With love comes trust which is something you've obviously never bothered to extend to me." With that Balinor swept away and his anger left an ugly scar on our group and I felt Ambrosia's grip on me weaken. I vaguely hear Percival mutter something but I'm to bus trying to keep both myself and Ambrosia upright. We both need to stand strong for Merlin because she will wake up and when she does I want to help her take her sweet revenge on Balinor.

Arthur's POV

"You're stupid Merlin. Do you know that? For all your magic you still manage to trip over your own feet!" I imagine a rueful smile on her face and I continue. "When I first met you I thought 'who is this that dare defies a prince?' And yes I can practically see your eyes rolling! But be fair no one had ever spoken up to me like that even when I was being an even bigger 'prat'. You like calling me that a lot don't you? You complain all the time about me occasionally calling you an idiot but you're always calling me either 'clotpole' or 'prat'. And do you find me moaning? Oh shut up Merlin." I know I sound mad talking to her like she can actually hear me but it's helping... like she's still here with me calling me a prat or quite possibly right now a crazy... something. Coming up with insults has never been my forte, Morgana on the other hand... "I don't moan as often as you and Morgana say I do! Honestly with all your happiness at finding out you have a sister you never bothered to think about how I'd feel about the pair of you uniting against me! It's not surprising that you're from the same family because you both share the talent of annoying me. When you wake up do you think we can come to some sort of truce? I'm surprised Morgana hasn't barged in yet and taken charge. But to be fair I did leave her and Ambrosia in a sticky situation with Balinor so it's hardly surprising. Oh and don't have a go at me for telling your secret I was mad and it was a accident! And I'm justified that man did this to you. If he wasn't your father I'd kill him where he stands. Don't worry I'm not going to. What kind of hot headed maniac do you take me for Merlin? You'd probably say something witty and at the same stupid here if you could. I wonder if you can hear and what you'd say if you could. I'm afraid Merlin it's hard to speak for you. Your too unpredictable it's one of the reason I...care about you. As stupid as a situation may seem there's still the possibility that you'll dive head in and start screaming spells. And you call me hot-headed. I think out of the pair of us I'm the one with the more level head. Stop eye rolling in my head Merlin. You have nice eyes. Big, blue and magical. You look better as a girl all over really... I mean longer hair and your female face not anything else! Stop looking smug Merlin! Honestly. What am I going to do with you, Merlin? Gwaine wants me to sleep with you, Ambrosia is already picking out your wedding gown and I think Morgana is up to her scheming ways and trying to get us together. Although I think she'd prefer me not to take your virginity in a clearing in the middle of the woods. I probably don't need to tell you any of this your probably shrugging and thinking that you already knew the rumours. I remember there were even some about you keeping the other side of my bed warm when you were disguised as a man! Although I have a strong suspicion Morgana just started those to torture/ embarrass me..,. Do you miss Camelot? I do and I wish every day I could go back but then I remember that I've been banished. I will never regret protecting and leaving with you Merlin. It was the right thing to do but that doesn't mean I don't miss Camelot. I miss the people as well especially Gaius and even my father. Stop scowling Merlin you'll get wrinkles before your time. I know my father is a horrible man and that he has killed many innocents, done terrible things and even attempted to kill you but that doesn't stop me from loving him. As stupid as all that sounds, my father is my father, and that's ne of the reasons I can't kill yours. You should have a chance to love and get to know your father despite his sins. I know, even if you won't admit it,, that you miss Gaius and I miss him too. He was a father to all of us. Well more of a favourite uncle. I regret not being able to talk to him too you know? We didn't even see him that last morning in Camelot. I know he and Morgana's maid will look out for eachother but I can't help but worry. " I laugh suddenly. "You know the morning Ambrosia returned I thought you and that maid had a thing! I was going to tease you about her because you always seemed so embarrassed when I talked about the fairer sex. I don't know how you managed to keep your secret for so long. I don't think I would have managed a few days even with an enchanted necklace. Don't make some stupid comment about your superior intelligence Merlin. I will have you know I have a great tactical mind! How do you think I led Camelot's knights? And Leon did not do all the real work Merlin before you say anything. You can't deny that I lead most, if not all, of the training sessions. And don't start moaning about how I spent most of those sessions beating you up." A guilty smile finds its way to my lips at the memories. "I'm sorry about all the beatings I gave you. But be honest Merlin you do bruise really easily which made it look a lot worse than it was and you know I'm right. I'm always right. Oh shut up Merlin!" I let go of her hand suddenly and both of my hands fly to her face, cupping her pale cheeks in them. "Merlin, you can't die, ok? You've suffered worse than this or don't you remember the morteus flower incident? I risked my life to get you that blasted flower and worse I risked my father's wrath."

I shiver as I remember my father's cold, hard face. There was no pity for the young 'man' who lay dying in Gaius' chambers or for Gaius who he called friend who had to watch his ward as the life slowly drained out of Merlin. So don't look... I remember those words and I can't help thinking about what would have happened if I had just turned away from Merlin; she would have died, Ambrosia wouldn't have her magic, Balinor wouldn't have returned, Morgana wouldn't have found out about her parentage and I wouldn't have left Camelot. It probably would've been better for my father if I had just let Merlin die but I don't think I could've borne seeing Merlin die then. I can't now.

I rub her smooth cheeks with my rough thumbs. "But it was worth it Merlin. It was worth all of that just to have you wander into my chambers grinning like an idiot a few days later. You were, still are, annoyingly cheerful in the mornings. But that smile could light the while room. You were always too good for Camelot- to pure, innocent and happy. Camelot didn't deserve your light within its walls." I'm caressing her soft face feeling every bit of pale smooth skin on her cheeks. I can't imagine how she'd look if she knew what I am doing but then again I don't think I'll ever have the courage to touch her like this when she'd conscious. "I don't understand why you stayed. You and the druids mentioned Emrys but I have no idea what that means. Why did you stay with me when I was so horrible to you? Why did you stay in Camelot? I know it has something to do with your druid name and destiny but I just can't understand what would make you put yourself in so much danger!" I can feel tears heat my face as I stare down at her closed eye lids willing them to open and for her to come back to me. "I need you Merlin. You can't leave me... Not now... Not ever! Understand?!" I fall onto her frail body and feel the small rise and fall of her chest. It's not enough, my words aren't enough but feeling this small sign of life in the otherwise lifeless girl gives me hope. There's something I haven't said, something that as yet I do not even know, but for the moment feeling her breathing and her life as I cry into her stomach feels like my limit. The words are lost to the sky but I feel their unspoken presence here as sobs rack through my body.

Is the Arthur bit to heavy? Grieved or just mildly perturbed by Merlin's coma?