SPENCER'S P.O.V

"You look terrified?"

"I am"

When I look over at her she's giving me her best sypathetic smile.

"Spencer they're your family"

"I know but I don't know what he's told them"

"What did your mum say in her email?"

"I didn't read it"

I couldn't.

"Spencer just call them"

When I pick up the phone my hearts starts racing.

I've never dreaded speaking to my family as much as I do right now.

"Hello"

I was really hoping my dad would answer.

"Hello"

I'm going to have to suck it up and say something eventually.

"Hello"

"Hey mum it's me"

My hands are sweating.

"Spencer?"

"Yer..."

"Is everything okay Matt sent me this really strange email and we're all a little confused?"

"We broke up"

I'm kind of hoping the line will cut out and I won't have to finish this conversation with her.

"It was a pretty rude email Spencer it didn't sound like Matt at all..."

"It was definitely him"

Nothing he's saying or doing lately is like him.

"Why is he saying that you're gay?"

"I aah... Is dad there as well?"

I really don't want to have this conversation twice.

"AAARRTTHUURRRR SPENCER'S ON THE PHONE"

I hate when people yell into the phone.

"Hey honey"

"Hey dad"

"Is everything alright?"

"Not really Matt and I broke up"

"We heard..."

I still can't believe that he told them.

"What happened?"

"I aahhh... I cheated"

"Spencer?"

"Mum I know..."

I can tell by her tone that she's disappointed.

"I really don't need you to tell me how horrible I am"

"Sweetie your mum and I love you and we definitely don't think you're horrible, we're just trying to understand"

How do I explain this to them?

"Dad I've just been so confused..."

"Honey please don't cry"

I'm not usually a crier, but lately I've been doing a lot of things that I don't usually do.

"This is all such a mess..."

"Talk to us sweetie"

This sucks why does it have to be like this?

"Dad you have to believe me I never wanted to hurt him and I know that I had a choice, but I couldn't stop myself... I just wanted it to happen a lot more than I didn't want to happen"

I don't know how else to explain it.

"It was like I was given an opportunity to explore something that I'd been really confused about and I just had to take it while I could"

They're both just letting me ramble on and it's terrifying.

I can't see their faces and I can't tell what they're thinking.

"I just needed to know what these feelings were and when I was with her it felt so right"

It still feels right.

"Everything I was unsure about became so blatantly obvious when I was with her..."

They're a little too quiet for my liking.

"Do you guys hate me?"

"No..."

They both just answered me at the exact same time.

"We love you..."

"Honey your dad's right we love you no matter what"

"He hates me mum"

"Honey he's just upset, he'll calm down"

I really don't think he will.

"He won't all he wants to do is hurt me back"

When I look over to where Chelsea was sitting she's vanished.

"The other day he had a go at Ashley and she had to go and see the doctor on board..."

"On board?"

I haven't told them we're on a cruise yet.

"Yer we're on cruise in the Greek Islands"

"And Ashley's with you?"

"No... Yes... It's complicated"

I might as well just start from the start.

"When we got to Brighton we met another group from LA and we all started hanging out"

I really wish everything was different.

But it isn't.

"They were telling us about this cruise they were going on and we all decided we wanted to tag along"

I still can't believe how badly everything's turned out.

"Things with Matt had been a little strange and I'd started hanging out with Ashley"

I'm not going to go into details about everything that's happened with Ashley.

"Everything just got really complicated, really quickly and when I told Chels what was going on, she convinced me to come clean and I did"

I've never seen Matt this angry before.

"He was so angry when I told him that he just lost it and went straight for Ashley..."

I never thought he'd act the way he did with her.

"I don't know what was said, but he shoved her and she hurt her eye"

"That doesn't sound like Matt he's..."

"Mum he's upset and he's angry and he has every right to hate me, but some of the things he's said and done are really out of character..."

"Did he hit you?"

"No..."

I don't like the silence.

"But he slapped Ashley"

"Spencer that's unacceptable"

Dad's a social worker so he really hates violence.

"Spencer people can't just go around hitting other people..."

"Dad I know, I tried talking to him but it was pointless, he didn't want to hear what I had to say... Then he told you guys I was gay"

"Are you?"

I don't know why I'm taking so long to answer her.

"Yes..."

I need to say it out loud.

"I'm gay"

"Are you sure?"

Does she really need to ask me that?

"Mum I'm positive"

There's a long pause before either of them say anything.

"Okay"

"Okay?"

"Okay"

What does that even mean?

"What does okay mean?"

"Spencer we don't care who you are or who you want to be with..."

They don't?

"We just want you to be happy"

I really wasn't expecting mum to say that.

That's more something dad would say.

"I've been so scared to call you guys"

"Honey we're harmless"

"Dad you harmless, but mum can be a little scary sometimes"

"Spencer one of us had to be the bad guy or you and your brother would have walked all over us"

When she says that I start laughing.

"That's the happy Spencer I remember"

When he says that I smile.

"I'm so sorry I didn't come to you guys first"

"Spencer we're always going to be here for you no matter what..."

"What your father means is we'll be incredibly supportive of most things..."

Here comes the punch line.

"But if you murder someone or mug an old lady we're going to disown you"

"Mum I'll try my best to not do either of those things..."

"We'd really appreciate that"