2

The two women got back to the apartment with wine in hand in preparation for the evening ahead. It was coming up to 5pm so Jane suggested that they both take some time out to freshen up before ordering the food.

Jane got into the scolding hot shower and relaxed. Although she was pleased that she had the courage to confess her feelings to Maura, she knew that the conversations on that topic were far from over and logistically there was much to discuss. Trying to think logically about the situation to calm herself down, Jane thought to herself 'this is Maura, this is the one person that I want to be honest with and that I i can tell anything to, why am i fretting over this?'. And then she realised. She was fretting because this was what love felt like. She did not want to do anything that would potentially jeopardise what she finally has and wants to build with Maura. Jane sign as she let the water beat down on her, 'get it together Rizzoli, you can do this, just be honest.'

Much like Jane, Maura was in her en-suite however the hazel eyes doctor was not remotely panicking. This is what she had wanted for so long now, she had resigned herself to the fact that Jane had chosen a life away from her and that any opportunity they may have had to be together was gone. Today was a new start for them. Today she could finally breathe a sigh of relief…but then it hit her "Jane was going to move away from me….she chose a career path over me…..she chose to leave me. What if she changes her mind and is only come to this realisation because we are in a romantic city away from everyday life?". At this point the panic fully set in, Maura was pacing the room, unsure how she was going to collect her thoughts logically before sitting down for dinner.

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Maura ordered the food from a local restaurant and opened a bottle of wine. Even though it was a casual evening, Maura wanted to make the effort to look nice as usual. She wore a deep blue dress with a V-line neck low enough to show some cleavage which she accentuated with rose gold necklace. She wanted Jane to notice her, but deep down she knew that Jane always noticed her, no matter what she was wearing.

Jane entered the room wearing tight black jeans and a red silk vest, her hair wild and untamed and enough of her olive skin on show to make the colour in the top really stand out. The main thing Jane had on show at this time was her smile. It was wide, natural, kinda goofy but she was happy. For the first time in what seemed like years, in this exact moment, she was truly happy.

"Hey" the Italian said in her raspy voice as she approached the doctor "you look stunning, as usual Maur". Jane leaned in and gave Maura a kiss on the cheek. Jane continued to talk "So, this is a slightly odd thing to say, but, I'm kinda a little lost with how I should be conducting myself"

"What do you mean Jane"

"Well…..erm….I guess what I'm saying is, I know that we have a lot to talk about and I can't just flick a switch for us to go from friends to…whatever we're going to, but at the same time I don't want to behave like nothing has been said and I haven't shared the best moment of my life to date with you. So I guess what I am asking is, what do I do?"

Maura smiled and pulled Jane's hands towards her hips. "Jane, you behave however you think is appropriate right now. Do I expect us to be sharing total intimacy just because we have hit a milestone today - no. But do I want you to be comfortable and act on any feelings you have towards me because I feel the safe and comfortable with you - yes."

"Ok then, in that case" the Italian cupped the face of the hazel eyed beauty and softly captured her lips in a meaningful and emotional kiss. "Well, I could get used to that so i'm glad we've cleared that one up."

"Would you like some wine Jane? or would you prefer a beer?"

"I'll take a glass of wine please Maura"

Maura set the glass on the kitchen island in front of Jane and smiled before she started to talk "the food should be here in around 20 minutes. Did you want to wait until the food to start our discussion?"

"No Maura, I do not want to wait for food and you do not have to be as formal about it as to call it 'our discussion'. Look Maur, I'm as nervous about this as you are, it's a big step and unchartered waters but this is us, me and you. If we can't have an honest conversation then I guess the future I want with you will be harder to plan than I thought."

Maura looked up "you want to plan a future with me?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have just made a bold declaration of love to the one person that matters to me most if I didn't want to act on it. I want this Maura. I want a life with you, I want to imagine the picket fences. I want to wake up everyday with you and go to sleep every night with you. I know this is all very forward and i'm not suggesting that we jump straight into this but don't for a second think that any of what I am saying to you is circumstantial because we are on vacation in the most romantic city in the world. I want this. All of this."

Maura stood, a little shocked and a little speechless "You have been constantly surprising me today Jane Rizzoli. I have to say, I was a little worried that professing your feelings to me could have been slightly circumstantial but i never thought you would be this open this quickly. I guess the more i have thought this over the more I get slightly concerned. This is all I have ever wanted for a very long time now so please do not doubt my feelings or my ambition to make this work. I want this and I want you. But, I need some reassurance from you. You were prepared to leave, all be it for a great career opportunity, but you were going to leave me…..actually, you could still be leaving me, i suppose we haven't discussed what next yet…but I need to know why Jane. I believe you love me but to trust this is really happening I need to know how you could love me but want to leave me behind?"

Jane looked up to the ceiling and bit her lip. She knew this conversation wouldn't be easy but she didn't realise how much her decision to leave had really hurt Maura. Jane had thought that she had made the right decision, that she had been totally selfless and ignored her feelings to make a decision that would keep the one she loved safe. It was only now she realised that from the outside, the decision to leave had been viewed as the opposite.

"Maura…..look, I am so so sorry that I have made you feel anything but valued. My decision to leave was clearly a huge mistake but you need to know that I made that decision because of you, You were the pivotal reason for my decision"

"What? What on earth did I do to make you want to leave me?" Maura interrupted, her eyes beginning to become glassy with tears.

"No Maura, you have to let me finish. I made that decision because all I care about is your safety. My job, my behaviour, my actions…..all it seems to do is put people in danger and especially you. I mean damn in Maura, you needed to have brain surgery because of me! That was the final straw, that's when I realised I couldn't keep doing this to you. I couldn't keep letting you forgive me for putting you in harms way. It wasn't a self guilt decision, it was a decision in which I thought I could sacrifice how I felt to make sure that you would be safe and be able to move on and be happy. Obviously, as you'll have worked out from my confession today, I can't seem to commit to my decision, I don't want to commit to my decision. The thought of not telling you how I felt and leaving now seems ridiculous. But I honestly believed that it was in your best interests, for your safety, for me to not be a full time feature in your life. I'm sorry."

Maura didn't respond. She just stood there, tears falling. Jane couldn't work out whether these were angry tears, sad tears or happy tears. The buzzer then rang indicating the food had arrived.

"Maura, can you say something?"

"Can you get the food, I need to go freshen up." Maura left the room for the bathroom and closed the door.

Jane let out a frustrated sigh and headed to the door to collect the food. "Dammit Jane' she said out loud "do not mess this up!"