Winged Cupid Painted Blind Chapter 5 - Love is begun by time
A/N- Sorry for the delay getting this new chapter out, personal reason, hope this nice angst filled fluffiness helps you to forgive me. The sonnet referenced in this chapter is by John Barlas. Nat belongs to C2ndy2c1d. Just a short reminder that this fic is taking place in 1992.
Edd waited in the car for his friends to exit the building, looking over every now and then to where Kevin stood turning away when the jock looked in his direction, out of his peripheral vision he see a car pull up to Kevin and Edd watched as he got into the passenger side of the red 86 Chevy Cavalier. As the car drove by facing where his mother's car was parked he saw Kevin wave goodbye, Edd timidly returned the wave. A moment later both back doors of the vehicle open and both Ed and Eddy get in. "Where did you disappear to Sockhead? We were looking all over for ya." Eddy belted out in a huff.
Edd turned around in the seat, as much as the seat belt would allow, as his mother started the car "I went to help Kevin with something."
Ed was leaning his head against the window falling asleep the night with May having taken its toll on him, Eddy had his arms crossed with a scowl on his face. "Yeah, I saw you talking to shovelchin, did this thing you helped him with have to take all night?"
"I assure you Eddy that you are quite mistaken, I was in the building the whole night, up until twenty minutes ago that is." Edd's face had a look upon it that told the shorter boy to shut the fuck up.
"Whatever man." Is all the response Eddy gave, he then turned his attention away from Edd and looked out the window as they drove done the road back home. Ten minutes later they were parked in Edd's driveway and they all exited the vehicle, each of them exhausted from a long night and little sleep. Saying his farewells to his two friends Edd enters his house asking his mother to wake him in a few hours he heads to his room to take a short nap, feeling sapped of energy he hoped it would revitalize him but not throw off his sleep schedule, he lays down and it doesn't take him long to fall fast asleep. His dreams where filled with black night skies that had a dusting of stars showing through grey night time clouds, the warm arms that held him close along with the memories of the fresh smell of his male companion filling his lungs. Kevin's deep rough voice whispering poetry into his ear as they lay there beneath the stars, "Why do I love the silence of the moon " The words were hazy as though halfway remembered. "Better than all the roses of late June." A few more muffled verses then the end of the poem comes in clear, "And deep as thy deep eyes the dawn appears."
Being shaken awake by his mother a few hours later he groans, wishing he was still asleep so he could relive those memories along with the fact that he felt even sleepier now than he did before. "I have brunch ready if you want to eat." She said smiling down upon her child who was wiping the sleep from his eyes, he nods his compliance and sits up in his bed. Heading down the stairs still half asleep he sits at the table and slowly begins to eat the meal his mother had prepared for him. Edd was racking his memories of last night, wondering when Kevin had spoke those words to him, or if it was just some half remember piece from a class mixing itself with the dream. Not getting a definitive answer he puts it to the back of his mind and tries not to worry about it, for what are dreams but hopes mixed with reality.
After finishing his meal and cleaning up he heads back upstairs to try and do some studying for the upcoming week, which proved a more difficult task then he originally thought. The words from his dream continually running through his head, driving him crazy that he couldn't place the poem they came from, surely if it was from a class assignment he would have remember it. Finally just giving up on his studying he bangs his head against the desk a few times in frustration, the red head and his kindness from the night before would not leave his head. Feeling silly that he is as smitten with the jock as he is, "it was only one night of hanging out as friends" He thought to himself, "You should just forget any romantic notions that have found their way into your heart, he's probably straight anyways and not interested in you in that way."
But he couldn't throw the feeling that maybe there was more to it, why would he cuddle with him, was it really just to share body heat? That's not a normal straight guy thing to do, regardless of the reasoning. And if Kevin was whispering poetry to him as he slept that was even more confusing to Edd, he couldn't think of any guy that would want to whisper poetry to him at the moment, let alone while he slept. What was Kevin's reasoning for all this if he was just looking to be friends with him? Was his end game still malicious as Edd had originally feared, did he figure out that Edd was gay and is trying to get him to confess to it so he can tell the world? But if that's the case why all the kindness, why stick up for him and try and make him feel better when Lee said what she did. All of this going through his head had him dizzy trying to figure it out, if it wasn't for the cuddling and the hazy memory of poetry, Edd would have been content with calling it a night out with a friend. But now he was so confused and his heart ached to see the red head again, even if it was only to confirm there was nothing more to it then friendship. At least with that knowledge he could move on quickly and forget this foolish notion of deep affection his heart was feeling toward Kevin now.
Digging into his pocket he finds the crumpled up paper that held Kevin's number on it, tapping his fingers on the desk he weighed the options. Should he call and see how the jock reacts to him calling so soon, or should he hold off until he runs into him at school and gauge his reaction then? Would he seem too eager if he called him today, to needy, or would he look like too much of a dork? He didn't want to push whatever this was that was forming between them, friendship that's what he will call it until otherwise given notice that it was any different than that. Nat's words weighed on him still as well, "I'm just saying he's a very popular guy, don't think that just because you hang out tonight that you're best friends now."
Edd shakes his head to clear his thoughts, "I'm not asking to be his best friend, just his friend." He was reasoning this out to himself, "I'll just have to look at our interactions logically, and not let my desires for an intimate companion cloud my judgment or ruin this friendship." As stated previously Edd did not know anyone else in school that was homosexual, and these past three years after realizing his sexuality have been rather lonely for him with no one to talk to about it. Even seeing Ed kiss May last night had bore a hole in his soul on how utterly alone he felt, and his despair at ever finding someone to love, not to mention that coming out was impossible at the moment for him. Everywhere he turned society told him how much of a freak he was for being gay, from when Freddy Mercury died last year from complications to HIV and a classmate of his spouted off that he died because he was a fag, to signs that he saw on the news that said AIDS is gods cure for fags. To come out now would make him a pariah in school and possibly at home as well, he told himself everyday he need to tell his parents, but then he would chicken out well before he even opened his mouth to start the conversation and then he would tell himself he would do it after he moved out. Hanging his head as these reminders flooded his mind on why it was best to steer clear of any romantic feelings for Kevin he drops the paper on his desk and decides to go watch some TV, at least until his head cleared to do his studying. After watching the rerun episode of last night Star Trek the Next Generation he feels less stressed about the situation and heads back upstairs to work on his studies and get a few hours of work done before In Living Color came on that night.
Sitting at the desk in his room he is once again confronted by the number scrawled upon a crumpled piece of paper, tossing it in the drawer he goes to work, while in the back of his mind that number kept nagging him begging for him to pick up the phone. But he trudged on, finishing his work with just a little time left before the show was going to start, opening the drawer he pulls out the little slip of paper and heads into his parent's room to watch TV in there. Knowing his parents would be watching Murder She Wrote down stairs, he didn't feel like watching the professional serial killer gone writer do her thing. Flipping on the TV and turning it to the appropriate channel he picks up the phone and dials the number, finally giving in to his curiosity and need to speak to the red head after all this fuss he has been making all day long. A few rings later and the phone is picked up, a female voice is heard through the receiver, "Is Kevin there?" Edd asks nervously.
Edd hears the movement of the person on the other side of the line as they walked through their home, a knock probably on a door then Kevin's voice was heard muffled in response, a door opening the person telling Kevin he had a phone call and Kevin's voice closer and clearer thanking his mother. "Yo." Kevin says into the phone, what a way to greet someone who is calling you.
Edd being rather nervous calling the jock blurted out rather quickly, "Greetings Kevin, it's Edd, you probably don't remember giving me your number this morning, we were both half asleep and all, and I was just calling to see what you were up to, if it's a bad time I understand and would be more than happy to call…"
Edd was interrupted by Kevin, "Slow down dork, geez, you really do ramble when you get nervous." The show Edd was looking forward to came on with a parody of MTV's rock the vote, he quickly gets up and turns down the volume, "So, what up?"
"Umm," Edd hadn't really thought this through if he had he would have remembered a phone call meant conversation, and what the hell was he suppose to talk to Kevin about anyway. "Just sitting here watching TV, and just thought I would see what you were up to."
"Pretty much the same really, you know small town and all." Kevin lets out a nervous laugh, as though he had been caught off guard and at a loss for words as well. "I was hoping you would call though, wanted to make sure the little lie I told covered for you."
Edd's heart skipped a beat, Kevin was hoping he would call, no Edd bad Edd stop reading into things just take it at face value and nothing more. "It did, though my friend almost let the cat out of the bag."
"Cool," A small pause as though Kevin was waiting for Edd to say something, but then continues to keep the conversation going. "So I was wondering if you were going to the game this weekend."
"Of course, I am in the marching band so attendance is a part of my grade you know." Edd said, only after trying to decide if that made him sound more like a dork then he originally had hoped.
"Oh, so I guess we can't hang out then." Kevin sounded a little let down at this news.
Edd sensing his change in tone quickly replied, "We can if you want, I'll just sit on the outside of the group if you really want to 'hang out' that is."
"Definitely, I look forward to it." Kevin's voice sounded excited again at Edd's reassurance.
"Cool," Edd was trying to act casual, but inside he was a mess still trying to keep his thoughts along the lines of friendship and nothing more, but the way the jock seemed to want to be around him kept the pot of his emotions stirred. And a question arose that needed answering, just so he could throw that dream in its proper place, "Kevin, I have a question."
"Shot." Was the jocks quick response.
"I've got this line going been going through my head and I can't seem to place it, you wouldn't happen to know where it's from would you?" Edd stomach was in knots, it was too late to turn back now but should he really go forward.
"I'm all ears, lay it on me." The jocks voice was confident as though he knew he already had the answer.
Edd swallowed the lump in his throat, "Why do I love the silence of the moon. Do you know where that comes from, I can't for the life of me remember where I have heard that but it's been running rampant in my head all day." The line was silent for several seconds, and fear started to well up in Edd's stomach that maybe he had run the jock off, "Kevin are you there?"
"Yeah I'm here," Kevin sighed into the phone, "So you heard that then, sorry man I hope I didn't freak you out."
"No you didn't." Edd said quickly, kicking himself for making Kevin feel uncomfortable by pushing the question, "I think I just subconsciously remember it, you know half asleep."
Kevin groaned just a little and the sound of skin rubbing against skin was heard close to the phone like he rubbed his face with his hand. "Sorry about that, the whole thing of sleeping in a field under the night sky reminded me of it. And a part of me wanted to help you relax and go to sleep, the rest of me hoping you already were."
"Please don't feel bad that you did," Edd was a little frantic with his words, scared he had inadvertently ruined the friendship they had just started to form, "I wasn't trying to call you out on it, it's just the pieces I remember of it were beautiful, I only wish I could remember the rest."
After a few seconds of thought Kevin said in a calmer voice, "Oh do you now." Edd hummed his acknowledgement and Kevin went into reciting the piece once more for him in a low calm voice. Once complete Edd didn't say a word, he was trying to capture the moment in his memory as those words were spoken in that deep voice in his ear. "You there dork?" Kevin's voice coming through the speaker snapped Edd back into reality.
"Yes, I'm sorry I was just taking it all in." Edd said a little startled.
"So what did you think about it?" Kevin seemed eager for Edd's opinion upon the sonnet he enjoyed.
"My memory didn't do it justice." Was Edd's reply, even though he didn't fully understand the meaning behind the sonnet, feeling it was about a place that held some meaning for the writer and a loved one.
"Cool," Kevin said casually and a few seconds pass in silence before the jock spoke up again, "So, are we still on for the game?"
Happiness fills Edd that he hadn't screwed this up between them, "Definitely."
"Well I should be getting off of here, my mom just motioned that she needs the phone." A brief pause, "So I'll see you tomorrow Edd?" and in the background Kevin's mother was heard saying "Goodnight Edd."
"Maybe, depends really." Clearing his throat Edd continues, "Have a good night Kevin."
"You to dork." And with that Kevin hangs the phone up, Edd looks over at the TV after setting the receiver down, not really catching the joke that Jim Carry was a suite case being beaten by a guy in a gorilla suit was suppose to be all about he turns off the TV and collapses on his parents bed. All Edd could think of at this moment was the upcoming weekend, and that deep voice reciting a sonnet. Dear lord what has the boy gotten himself into, why was it so hard for him to keep his emotions in check when it came to Kevin? He kept telling himself over and over again in his head, we are just friends nothing more stop being a creep, hoping he could make his heart believe what his head already knew.