Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.
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This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.
(Updated 1/1/12)
The crew really came together after that. Eyes were opened and what was really important, what was really at stake, was apparent. Kaidan and Ashley made huge strides with the aliens on the ship. Ashley and Wrex would share war stories, Kaidan would help Garrus with the Mako. They would all go sit with the incapacitated Shepard for hours on end, trying to keep her entertained while she had to stay in bed and recuperate.
"What in the hell are you doing under there?"
"Shepard?" Garrus asked from under the Mako. He rolled out from under it, grease marring his face. "What are you doing out of the Med Bay? I'm sure Chakwas is going to have a coronary when she see's you're up."
"I can't just lay down all day every day, it's driving me crazy."
"Riiiight. First of all, it's only been two days since you woke up. Secondly, don't act like you aren't already crazy." She nudged his head with her foot good-naturedley.
"You still didn't tell me what the hell you're doing under there."
"I'm fixing the suspension. Again."
"What's wrong with it?"
"Well since you seem to think 'mountain' is the human word for 'shortcut', I'm actually under here quite regularly fixing the punishment you put our girl here through."
"Expert marksman and a mechanic? What more could a girl ask for?"
"Don't forget devastatingly handsome," he added, with a turian grin as he came out from under the Mako. Wiping his talons on a damp cloth.
"Whoa," she said, reaching out for his hand.
"What?" his mandibles clicked curiously, but he let her take his hand in hers. It was odd to him that his reflexes never reacted to Shepard. Generally, regardless of who he was talking to, he would pull his hand away or be more on his guard, but he never really was with her.
"I've never seen your hands before," she said, turning it palm up. "Holy Hell, they're massive! When you don't have your armor on, you usually have gloves or something on. I thought they added mass to your hands, but they're just... actually huge."
"Well yeah," he said, entertained by how intrigued she was. She ran her fingers along his palm and down his talons. He smiled. The tips of her fingers were cool against his skin. The differences between them were so apparent, as she put her palm against his to hold them together. Her tiny, milky, soft hands. His massive, coarse, taloned ones. "You have too many fingers," he said, smiling.
"Or do you have too few?"
"What can you do with your extra fingers that I can't?"
She put all her fingers down except her index and pinky, making what looked like horns.
"The universal symbol for rock and roll," she said laughing.
"What's rock and roll?"
"It's Earth music. We'll listen to it sometime," she was almost slurring as she spoke.
The differences in their hands were obviously very interesting to her. He was glad to see her up and about even if it had only been two days since she woke up. She put her fingers around one of his claws and squinted. "Your people are armored and armed at all times? How is that fair?"
He laughed.
"That's why I usually wear gloves. My talons usually make humans uncomfortable if I don't wear some kind of cover. There were plenty humans in C-sec so I just got used to having them on."
"No more gloves on the Normandy," she said, seeming rather like a child all of a sudden, swaying back and forth like she was dizzy. "I like your hands. They're so warm."
"Shepard, are you okay?"
"Don't mollycoddle me, you giant... bug..." she said, throwing a stray punch that went way wide, just as she fell forward. He managed to catch her before she fell with an arm behind her shoulders, and lifted her into his arms.
"You know for someone who hates to be carried like a princess, you sure make people carry you a lot," he teased, but she was out cold again. Her body started shivering and he held her close to his chest as he made his way back to the Med Bay. The happiness melted from his face and his mandible clicked. He knew she wasn't supposed to be up. "Stubborn human," he said, making his way back to the Med Bay. He was surprised just how heavy she was. Not that she looked overweight in any way but he had always thought that armor-less she would weigh little more than a damp towel. Humans all looked so frail and petite, but Shepard was solid. The hospital gown covered most of her body but he could see the muscles under the skin of her arms. He wondered if all humans were heavier than they looked.
He entered the Med Bay to a furious Doctor Chakwas.
"There she is," she said fuming. "What in the world goes through her head when I'm gone? Honestly she's like a child, doing it just to give me a heart attack." She took two deep breaths, composing herself and the turian tried to hide his laughter. "Thank you for bringing her back, Mr. Vakarian."
"No problem, Doc. How's she doing?"
"Besides wandering out of the clinic every time I turn my back or leave the room? She's healing wonderfully, but she's going to cause some serious damage if she doesn't stay in bed and rest."
"You know her," he said as he lay her sleeping form back on the bed. "If she's not causing someone trouble, she's not happy."
"Truer words were never spoken, Mr. Vakarian."
"Please, Doc, call me Garrus."
"Very well, Garrus." His mandibles clicked nervously as he rubbed his talons together.
"Hey, uh, Doc." He said, bobbing one of his legs up and down. She looked up from her data pad at him, over the rim of her glasses. "I'm sorry, for how I acted."
"What on Earth are you on about?"
"The day she got hurt, when I yelled at you. I was out of line."
"Don't spare another thought on it, Garrus," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "I heard the conversation you had just had. That could not have been easy to hear." He relaxed, and rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the Commander.
"No, it really wasn't," he said. The memories of it flashed in his head again and he cringed.
"You obviously care for her a great deal."
"Yeah, well," he laughed. "She makes it pretty impossible not to."
"It's true. She has always had that effect on people, I'm afraid."
"Why do you think that is?" Garrus asked. Enjoying the sight of the doctor becoming informal.
"I think it's just because she's so genuine. She honestly cares about her people. Taking the time to get to know everyone and what they need and doing everything in her power to give it to them."
Garrus had to agree. She had only known him for a month before she made sure to make a stop at the MSV Fedele to help him finally get Dr. Saleon. And when the moment came to shoot him, she convinced him it wasn't the right choice, told him that they'll never know what he's really been up to or what he had done to the hostages. Then the Doctor refused to be taken in and drew his gun, decidedly getting himself killed. When Garrus asked what the point to all of it was if he died anyway she had said:
You can't control how people will react, Vakarian. All you can do is control how you'll respond. In the end, that's what really matters.
He admitted then to not knowing anyone like her.
"She does seem to just..." He paused, weighing his words. "Know what to say to people."
"I think it's her childhood as a 'street rat' she calls it, that really puts her in tune with what people need."
"How would growing up an orphan do that?"
"Well when you live on the streets, learning how to survive, you learn very quickly how to read people. To hear what they are really saying, predict what they will do next. Anytime she was wrong, she would end up paying a dear price. I doubt she's even aware that she does it, it's like an instinct to her now. She doesn't know what every little micro expression means, but she see's them, and subconsciously reacts to it."
"Micro-expressions?"
"Yes, take turians as an example. You can control your mandibles as you see fit, but unconsciously they move when you are feeling certain things, yes? It's the same thing with humans. For instance; with most people, when they're in an uncomfortable conversation, if they cross their arms they are subconsciously feeling insecure, trying to create a boundary. If you ask her, she doesn't know that. But when she see's someone do it, her brain subconsciously reacts, and she understands it. It's instinctual to her."
"Interesting..." There was a long silence then.
"She learned a lot of hard lessons as a child. I'm constantly amazed that she is able to keep a smile on her face and keep such a positive outlook on life." A sadness came into the doctors eyes, though maybe she was just tired. Garrus never claimed to be good at reading human emotion.
"It's obvious you care a great deal about her," Garrus said, intentionally repeating her.
"Yes, I surely do."
When they pulled into port for supplies, Shepard demanded everyone take twenty-four hours of shore leave before they head to Virmire. Garrus was sorry she and Dr. Chakwas weren't able to take it with them. Shepard because she was confined to the Med Bay to heal, Dr. Chakwas by choice. Not really having anything else he wanted to do, he brought his bag of souvenirs back to the ship and headed down to keep the Commander company.
"Garrus!" Shepard called, reaching for him. "Would you please get Mother Hen here to take some shore leave?"
"Out of the question, Commander," she said. "I know you too well to think you'll stay in bed if I leave." Shepard threw her head back on the pillow exasperated.
"What is the point of being Commander if your crew can disobey? Mutiny, Doc. Mutiny!" she shouted with fists in the air. Garrus didn't even attempt to hide his laughter as he sat across from the Doctor.
"Doc, I've done everything I plan on doing, if you want to head out for a few hours I'll stay, make sure she doesn't wriggle out of bed."
"See?" Shepard said, pointing at Garrus. "See look. Garrus will sit on my legs and make sure I don't get out of bed. Now will you please go?" The Doctor narrowed her eyes and stood slowly. Stopping by Garrus and pointing in his face.
"She does not get out of bed unless the ship is on fire, are we clear, Mr. Vakarian?"
"Clear, Doc. You can count on me." He couldn't help but be entertained. The doctor was more like Shepard's mother than her actual mother probably would have been. As soon as she was out of sight up the stairs, Shepard sat up to leave.
"Jiminy Christmas," She exclaimed. "I owe you one, Garrus, I thought she would never leave." Garrus put an arm across her chest to stop her from getting out.
"Are you going to actually make me sit on your legs?"
"What?"
"You're not getting out of bed."
"Are you serious?"
He didn't say anything, just exhaled through his nose to make his point.
"As your Commanding Officer, I command that you let me out of this bed!"
"Sorry, Shepard. You made me the Commanding Officer until you're well again. I currently outrank you."
"Bullshit, and you know it!"
"Yeah well, you're not getting out of bed anyway." She laid back down, slamming her head into the pillow pouting.
"I am seriously going to kill every one of you."
"Why do you keep trying to get out? Don't you want to get well? Do you want to cause some sort of long-lasting-damage?"
"No. I just hate being in this room."
"Why?"
"It reminds me of a hospital."
"It is a hospital."
"Exactly," she said with a smile, like he made her point for her. He just waited for her to elaborate, and she didn't for the longest time. When she looked at him and realized he wanted her to explain, she sighed. "People die in hospitals, Garrus. It smells like death, it looks like death, and it's where people go when I've failed to protect them so I can have a front row seat as they flat-line."
Garrus was stunned. He hadn't expected anything like that from her. It was obviously connected to a painful memory, one she likely didn't want to talk about. He wasn't very good at heart-felt talks so he cleared his throat.
"Well here," he rumbled, rummaging through the bag, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe this will take your mind off it and help relieve the boredom." He removed four books from the bag and sat them on the side table next to her.
"Garrus," she said with a hand on her chest, sitting up. "They're books! Not data pads or programs, they're actual books!"
"Yeah, I was surprised I actually found some from Earth. There was an antique shop in the city so I thought I'd take a chance."
"These must have cost you a fortune," she said. "Take them back."
"What's money going to be worth if Saren brings back the Reapers and kills us all?"
"Good point," she said taking one in her hands. She ran her hand down the leather cover with an almost reverence, wide eyed. Garrus smiled, pleased with himself, pleased with how much she seemed to like it. She opened the cover and slowly ran her fingers down the first page. It had words written on it, but he didn't recognize any of them. She held the book to her face and inhaled through her nose. "The smell of ink and paper and history." She held the book out for him to smell and he put his hand up.
"I uh, can smell it from here," he said smiling. "Didn't know you liked to smell them too."
"It smells like family." Garrus thought he saw a tear forming in her eye, but decided he was mistaken. "Thank you, Garrus. You don't know what this means to me." But he could see it in her face. The reverence. The awe. It made him happy to finally do something for her. The silence seemed endless, but she didn't seem to notice it, too absorbed in her book. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what.
"Why did you pick me?" he asked finally. He was going to try to just break the silence, but the question had been bugging him since it happened, and he had to know.
"Pick you what?" she said, still not really paying attention, looking through the books.
"When you were hurt, and you put me in charge. Why was it me?"
"Garrus."
"It's been bothering me, Shepard. You haven't known me as long as the humans on your crew, Pressley was technically next in the chain. And I'm a turian on an Alliance vessel. It just doesn't make any sense."
Her head tilted to the side as she thought, her eyes dancing across his face, giving him that look she had given him when they had first met. That appraising glance that used to make him nervous as she weighed his value. Finally she spoke.
"Why didn't you tell the Council that I was in critical condition?" she said.
He wasn't sure what her point was, but he answered anyway. "Because they would have grounded us. You made me promise to keep the mission going. If the Council was informed, and you ended up dying, so too would have our chances of stopping Saren. We'd have been back at the Citadel sorting through bureaucratic crap until the Reapers returned and killed us all. At least if I kept it quiet I'd have a shot."
"Exactly," she said. Feeling triumphant. "You're the only one I knew would make that call. No one else really knows what is at stake here. Pressley hasn't been on the missions, hasn't seen what we've seen. He's a good XO but, I don't think he has what it takes to do what is necessary. Think about the other options; Alenko is too emotionally invested, would have spent way too much time mourning and probably give up. Ashley is too good a soldier to not report back to the Alliance. Plus she's incredibly hot headed. If she didn't get herself killed, she would get someone else killed. Wrex and Tali aren't leaders. Liara is a child, for fuck sake. That leaves you. You are not so emotionally attached to me that it would cause you to lose sight of the mission, but still trust and respect me enough that you would honor what I told you. No one else on this boat has the capacity to lead like you do. I needed someone who had that fire in their belly, who understood what was at stake, and trusted me enough that they would do what I told them needed to be done. When the moment came and I thought it might be my last order, I didn't even have to think about who to give it to. I said it then, and I'll say it again: That is why I chose you. That's why I brought you along. I needed someone else like me."
He hadn't thought about it that way. It actually made perfect sense. Process of elimination at it's finest. He thought it was just a gesture she made to make sure he didn't beat himself up for not being there to protect her. But she truly and honestly believed that if she had died, he would get the job done without her. He couldn't help but smile.
"You always know just what to say," he said.
"I'm not trying to make you feel better, you schmuck," she insisted. "It's the truth. If I had died and you didn't follow through on getting Saren, I would have been so pissed."
"You would have been dead."
"Yeah. Dead and pissed." They laughed together for the rest of the evening, waiting for the crew to finish their shore leave.
