Overcome with lust, I pull her into the bedroom and remove only her black, lacy, underwear. She is wearing a black dress and I merely hitch up the skirt before unceremoniusly entering her. Piper isn´t wet yet and winces in pain but little do I care. I increase the number of fingers involved and soon, she is moving her hips in time with my movements, whispering my name like a prayer. It comes to me like riding a bike, remembering the movements that bring her to ecstasy, the words she prefers to have whispered in her ear, and strangely, I find myself doing all of them. She comes quickly, and once she has come down from the high, she pulls me down to whisper in my ear; "I´ve missed you."

In that moment, I´m prepared to forgive her for everything, even walking out on the day I needed her most, out of sheer fear.

"Now, let´s take care of you." She motions for me to lie down on the bed, gets on top of me and slowly begins to undress me, as if she was writing a poem. That night she performs a opera piece on my body, playing it like a violin with an expert hand. She alone knows how to move me in this manner. I come so often that I lose count. While this is Piper´s way of asking for forgiveness, it is also her way of showing me nobody loves me like she does. It´s unlikely I will be tempted to stray with my head filled with her in this manner.

I finally collapse from exhaustion and she lies down beside me with a content smile on her face, the one worn by the conqueror of the field. She rests her head on my shoulder but sits up when she feels the wet tears running down my face. "I know," she whispers into the darkness.

"We can´t go back to the way it used to be," I respond as I wipe my tears.

"We´ll get there," Piper responds as she lies back down and returns to her previous position, and I reflexively put my arm around her. While my lover sleeps silently I watch the flickering shadows on the walls, dancing as if in a world of their own, changing and moving with the lights of the city. Was what we had nothing but shadows and darkness?

The next morning I am awakened by Piper entering the room with a breakfast tray in her hands. There are eggs, toast, bacon and fruit, courtesy of the hotel. Coffee and juice are also in abundant supply. I greet her and devour the food hungrily while Piper only eats some bacon and orange juice. When I have finished, I push the tray away and get out of bed. After dressing quickly, I begin to rifle through drawers and packing my clothes.

"Where are we going this time?" Piper asks.

I do not dare to look her in the eyes as I throw a sweater into the suitcase. "I am heading for Chicago."

Piper gets off the bed, walks in front of me and blocks my path. "What exactly are you saying? Are you leaving without me? But I thought..."

"Well, you thought wrong, Pipes."

My lover stands frozen in place as I toss my belongings into my suitcase and start gathering my things from the bathroom. She finally appears in the doorway. "You are leaving me?"

"You found it easy enough. It worked for you, why not for me?" It takes all of my willpower not to turn and face her, to pull her into my arms and assure her of my love. Instead, I continue to throw toiletries into the small bag used for storing them on trips and avoid looking at her in the mirror.

When my task is done, I barge past her, throw the bag with toiletries into the suitcase and close it. I head into the livingroom and Piper follows me.

"Babe, do you know how difficult is was to return?"

I finally turn to face her. "Why did you come back?"

"Because I love you, Alex, you stubborn bitch!" I can hear the frustration in her voice. Piper walks up to me, reaches out to touch my chin with her hand and forces me to look into her azure eyes. "I know you love me too. Don´t try to convince me otherwise."

"Do you love me or the person I made you into?" With me, Piper had been rich and respected, the girlfriend of an influential woman in an uncertain world. There had been danger, excitement. She had clearly found her life after I had exited the scene to be less than satisfactory. "You were right to leave me, you know?"

Piper´s hand falls to her side. "How so?"

I grab her shoulders for emphasis. "You could no longer be the person you thought I needed. The new and exciting Piper. Truth is, I cannot play the part of Alex Vause for you either."

Piper seemed confused and I continued. "You wander the earth searching for something. The truth is, the person you seek never existed. I am human like everybody else, Shoot me and I will bleed. Leave me behind and don´t ask me to forgive. You want some knight in shining armour, I can´t save you."

"Then what do I do?" The cofused look on Piper´s face pierces my heart.

"You save yourself."

I enter the bedroom to fetch my suitcase and place it by the door. Piper doesn´t try to convince me to stay. She knows it wouldn´t work. I pull on my coat and boots before turning to her once more.

I want to say a thousand words to her but they do not come. I wanted to give her a thousand worlds but never did. I wanted to be her everything and now she has nothing.

I reach out for her, my hands cupping her face as I reach down to kiss her for the last time. Love flies between us like sparks of electrictity and I feel them tingle beneath my skin.

Before I can change my mind, I release her, walk towards the door and grab the suitcase. With one final parting look, I enter into my future and close the door on my past.