Edd & Eddy finally arrive at their first day of college.
Eddy: Woo hoo! That sure was an epic adventure on our way here. Stealing that jeep, Being chased by some kind of monster, and not to mention that life changing space battle with that planet devouring entity from parts unknown.
Edd: That was my favorite adventure this week.
Eddy: All there was left to do was save some hot, barely legal anime girl from Cthulhu or something and...
something is tugging on Eddy's leg.
Eddy: Hold on. What!?
He yells while looking down on a anime girl clinging to his leg saying something in Japanese.
Eddy: I told you already, it was a one night fling!
He kicks her off. Just then the class bell rings.
Edd: Quickly my cohort, time for class. Follow me.
Eddy: Sure. Why not? I got nothing else to do today. F*** it.
The Eds travel down one of the halls, now almost empty, arguing about something.
Eddy: Spyro would destroy Twilight Sparkle.
Edd: I don't know man, that unicorn knows some tricks it would seem.
Eddy: Yeah, that's what your mom said.
Edd: What?
Eddy: ... Bout my dick. She loves it.
Edd: So my mom said your junk knows some tricks it would seem?
Eddy: ... Yes.
Just then the duo turns to collide with three sisters.
Eddy: Watch where ya stepping ya jailbait skanks!
Buttercup: Well, ain't this some s***t? But wait, there's something different about the Charlie Brown knockoffs.
Eddy: Oh, ow. I'm not going to lie to you miss broccoli, that cuts deep.
Blossom: The big one. Their pet guard dog is MIA. What happened to your bodyguard boys?
The girls grinned knowing now they can easily overpower the boys. Eddy began to sweat and Edd bit down on his bottom lip.
Eddy:... He... He's not with us for the time being.
Bubbles: Why not? He's scared of us now?
Eddy: He's in prison. He went camping with Jimmy, Sarah, Rolf and Nazz in some cabin. Turned out some demons had dibs on it first and possessed the others. He had to put them down... Of course the court didn't buy that story.
All three girls stood with blank expressions on their faces.
Blossom: Huh uh. Well the point is you're defenseless now and we don't like you two one hit wonders, so get out of our way or we'll hurt you.
Eddy: At least we weren't replaced by ponies.
Edd: That would be kickass however.
Eddy: Shut up Double D.
The Eds step out of the girls way, reluctantly, and watch them walk away.
Edd: Damn, look at those hips.
Eddy: Seriously?
Edd: What?
Eddy: You couldn't of said something? I was the only one taking any shots their buddy.
Edd: Well I would've said something but those now eighteen year olds, I say that just so nobody will think the writer and/or I am some kind of monster, sweet gams were being shoved in my face.
Eddy: They are insanely hot eighteen year olds, said it again just to ensure the reader that they are in fact legal now.
Edd: Isn't there supposed to be a fourth white one with them?
Eddy: No because she does not exsist beyond the noobs and second generation that grew up actually veiwing that cr*p. You see my fine sock headed friend, one should not follow a fanfic that takes a completely different turn from the show it is based off of less it wishes to take a sh** all over the memory of that childhood they so much cherished.
Eddy & Edd then look at you the reader for a moment. So yeah, take that in for a while.
Eddy: That's why I only follow those who originally created the series and whom ever managed to stay loyal and true to the genre it consisted of.
Edd: But why can't a different style on a classic be considered apart of the series, Eddy?
Eddy: Because not everyone can be true to the OG. Otherwise Blossom really did date her cousin, Dexter. Or Discorded Ponies is apart of MLP:FIM. Or the Creepypastas are true. Trust me pal, this is the only safe way to stay true to our childhood programmings Double D. It's what seaperates us from the modern cartoons.
Edd: Of course. It all makes sense now. We can't believe everything we read online.
Eddy: Learned that the hard way.
The two pause for a minute.
Edd: Sould we get to class now?
Eddy: Yeah, sure. I came this far may as well see it through. No one will ever say Eddy didn't try!
The duo get to their home room and see that their female foes are in the class and, to add insult to injury, their father, the Professor oh whatever his name is, is the teacher of their classroom too.
Eddy: Oh! Come on!
Edd: It's like a sucker punch below the belt.
Eddy: You mean that special man region you never used before, even with your hands.
Edd: I told you I was waiting for the right one.
Eddy: Heh, if I had a quarter for every girl that said that to me before the end of the night.
The duo continued to argue until they finally sat down in their seats. Upon sitting down they realized that the entire class was looking at them.
Professor:... Are you two finished?
Eddy: Hold on... Yes. Yes I am.
Edd: Im pretty good.
Professor: Alright then, lets begin our lesson.
Eddy: Just to let you know, I'm not going to be really doing anything while I'm here because this was all Double D's idea and I'm just tagging along for the ride so no one talk to me.
Bubbles: Professor. The Eds are causing a distraction that's having an adverse effect on my edu... Educa...
Blossom: Education?
Bubbles: Yeah.
Eddy: Question: Why do you call him Professor and not dad?
Edd: That always bugged the Hell out of me. Like just call him your dad or address him as some sort of parental figure. Don't just call him as that scientist who made you.
Eddy: And what is his first name? Nobody ever says his name. They just call him the Professor or Mr. Utonium. Why?
Professor: You two do know I'm right here, right? You could just ask me my name.
Eddy:... What, and ruin the mystery?
Blossom: I've had enough. Buttercup, deal with them.
Eddy: Oh, I'm so scared. What's miss needs a blanket to fight going to do?
Buttercup grabs the two Eds and stuffs them into a test tube, since it was a science class. What did you think the Professor would teach?
Professor: Well we did answer one question today.
Blossom: What's that?
Professor: How many boys a super powered girl can shove into a tube the size of a penny without breaking it. The answer is two.
The Bell rings and everyone leaves while the Eds work their way out of the test tube. Edd is the first to get out while Eddy's lower half is still trapped. Edd assists his friend.
Edd: I don't know why they shoved me in there with you. I wasn't saying anything.
Eddy: This assault shall not stand. I will have my revenge Pumpkin heads!
Edd: How are you going to do that?
Eddy: Why do you always gotta call me out on those situations? Like cant you just let me have that moment?
Edd: I guess not.
Eddy: Just shut up and pull.
Edd yanks the tube off of Eddy's legs and sends him flying into the Professor's desk. It opens up and Eddy looks inside.
Eddy: Well, well, what'd be the chances.
Eddy Pulls out an entire full bottle of, wait for it, ... Chemical X.
Edd: Why does he keep that in there?
Eddy: Finally. No more need of Ed to protect us all the time. We can have the power to move mountains.
Edd: Yeah! I wanna move mountains! But what about when it wears off.
Eddy: We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now we tip bottoms up.
Eddy chugs half off the bottle.
Eddy: Woo! That's bitter. Your turn buddy.
Edd: I want the power but not if its just a energy drink.
Eddy: Don't worry, I watered it down.
Edd: Oh.
Eddy: With whiskey.
Edd: What?
Eddy: Just drink it.
Edd: Alright already.
Eddy: Just do it you wimp.
Edd then drinks the rest of the bottle.
Edd: So did it work? Do we have any powers? I don't feel any different.
Eddy: I don't know. Let me check.
Eddy then uses laser vision on the chalk board in the class room and wrote 'Now I have super powers. Hoe Hoe Hoe'.
Eddy: Get it?
Edd: I get it.
Eddy: Im referring to the girls with a Die Hard reference.
Edd: Yeah, that was painfully obvious. What do we do with our new powers other then vandalize a class room?
Eddy:... We get our buddy out of prison.
Edd: You mean we're...
Eddy: Getting the Crew back together.
Edd: America!
Eddy: Plus we can't let him stay in there any longer. You remember our last stay in prison!
Edd: I still wake up at night screaming.
A flash back shows the two in prison. A much bigger and stronger prisoner stood up looking at the two. He points to Eddy.
Prisoner: Going to kill you.
Eddy: All the more reason to start crying.
Then points to Edd.
Prisoner: Going to f*** you.
Edd: Usually you wanna keep that a secret.
Back in the present.
Edd: They just don't make water hot enough Eddy.
Eddy: I know. The shower.
Another flash back shows Eddy in a prison shower. He sees another bigger prisoner.
Eddy: Um... Hey there Chuck. I was just rinsing off here.
Chucks soap slides behind Eddy.
Eddy: Oh, look at that. You dropped your soap... I'll just get that for you.
Eddy turns to get the soap.
Eddy: No Chuck don't.
Back in the present. Eddy is curled up in the fettle position crying.
Eddy: I just wanna take a shower without being Bad Touched! Is that too much to ask for!?
Edd: Eddy snap out of it!
Eddy comes back.
Eddy: Oh, right. Lets get Ed.
Edd: Alright... How do we fly?
Eddy:... Uhhh.
Now over to Ed in his prison cell lying in the top bunk and another prisoner in the bottom. They both hear a voice from outside.
Prisoner: What's that?
Ed: Sounds like my friends.
Prisoner: Oh.
Then the wall to the outside breaks down.
Eddy: We came to save you Ed.
Ed was surprised.
Ed: Well I could've done that.
Eddy: Shut up and come with us.
Ed: Alright.
Prisoner: Wait. Can I come with you?
Eddy: Sorry man, we aren't a trusting bunch when it comes to bailing out people from prison.
The trio leaves with Ed using his super strength to jump alongside his now flying friends.
Ed: So what... Do we... Do... Now... Eddy?
Eddy: The same thing we do ever night Big Ed, have the time of our lives.
The Eds then go on a montage of awesomeness. Ed drank an entire tanker truck full of gasoline. Once he finished Eddy held a match in front of his face and once he burbed half the block was burnt down.
Edd broke into Dexters Lab, Jimmy's lab and the Justice Leauge watch tower and stole endless amount of supplies. Eddy robbed the entire American mint. Ed ate all the fast food in the city.
The trio then go to Mars. Edd hovered infront of the red planet while Eddy used Ed as a pool cue and waited for the go ahead from Edd. He then sent the planet hurdling next to the sun. The three then flew onto the surface of the world and roasted marshmallows and hot dogs while laughing like maniacs.
The three return to Earth and relax on top of one of the cities skyscrapers.
Eddy: We did good guys. We did good.
Edd: I can almost die happy.
Ed: Almost.
Edd: Well, after I marry Avril Lavigne then I lived a full life.
Ed: Good for you.
Blossom: And how the Hell did you guys get our powers?
The trio turn to see the Powerpuffs hovering behind them.
Eddy: Miss Utionium. About time you've found us. Get us another cold one.
Buttercup: What'd you say!?
Blossom: Calm yourself Buttercup. We can take these idiots even if they got their protector back.
Eddy: Don't you remember your lessons in class though girls?
Buttercup: We remember opening up a can of Whoop Ass on you.
If you get that reference then you know your history.
Eddy: Guess we'll just have to reteach you in your lessons of getting your ass kicked 101.
Just then some one takes a pot shot at Eddy's foot.
Eddy: Whoa! Who brings a gun to a fist fight?
Panty: Yo! S***lord! You owe us a new See Through.
Panty & Stocking then turn up right behind the Eds.
Blossom: Uh, hey. Who are you girls?
Panty: We're just a couple of sisters who got a score to settle with these dicks.
Stocking: Stay out of it.
Buttercup: Well tough luck b****! We were here first.
Eddy: Ladies. There's enough us to go around. Ed will take the duo of skanks and Double D and I shall fight the Sailor Scout rejects. Okay?
Blossom: I could live with that.
Panty: Whatever. Just as long as someone pays.
Eddy: Good, good. Ed sick 'em!
Ed: Roger walnut Eddy.
Ed then jumps into the air out of sight and then comes back down crashing through the ceiling of the skyscraper. The Anarchy sisters are not impressed.
Stocking: Im horrified. JK.
Panty: Did we just win?
Just then Ed hands grabs each sister by one of their legs and pulls them through the floor.
Eddy: Well that takes care of them. Now lets get the Powderfluff girls.
Edd: Dibs on the hot one.
Eddy: Im not going to lie, it seems wrong to hit a girl. Unless they're mouthy and below a six.
Blossom: Feel free to cut loose Buttercup.
Buttercup: With pleasure.
Bubbles: Ah, the poor boys are going to get boo boos now.
To be continued.