Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.
For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.
This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.
(Updated 1/1/12)
Later on the debriefing, Alenko was having a meltdown.
"But why me? Was it because of us?" he asked, frantically.
"What us? There is no us." She spoke calmly but her voice had started to strain. "It had nothing to do with you, Kaidan."
Garrus thought Shepard should be offended at his ego, considering she had made the same choice he would have made, even with his dislike for the Gunnery Chief aside.
"How can you be so calm? Ashley is dead! Dead because of me! How could we just leave her behind? We killed her!"
"God damn it, Alenko. Shut up. I know survivors guilt is a bitch. No one knows that better than me. But someone had to make sure that nuke went off. If you had set the charges, you bet your ass it would have been you getting blown up. If I had saved her, that gave the geth a chance to disable it before it went off, making everything we sacrificed worth nothing. She died making sure no one touched that bomb. And even if I could have saved her and make sure the bomb went off, I had to save as many as I could. If I saved Chief Williams, I saved her alone. Saving you also saved Commander Kirrahe and his men."
She wasn't quite shouting, but she was pretty obviously fighting it. It was only then that Garrus noticed how her hands were shivering on her knees.
"Commander," Liara chirped. "I know we are pressed for time, but you said you encountered another beacon on Virmire. If you'd like I could-"
"Fine, fine," she said standing. "Maybe it'll actually have a point to it this time."
After another almost pointless mind-meld with the Professor, she realized they needed to go to Ilos via the Mu Relay.
"Fantastic," She said, not sounding enthused at all. "Joker."
"Already on it, Commander. But there's an urgent message coming through. You should get to the galaxy map."
"Of course there is" she said, putting her hands on the back of her neck. "Crew dismissed."
They funneled out one by one. Silently. Once everyone was out of sight, Shepard removed a white handkerchief from her pocket and coughed into it several times. Hard. Harder than she had intended.
"Son of a bitch," she cursed quietly, not noticing Garrus had popped his head around the corner. He didn't need to see the blood in the handkerchief, the scent traveled too fast. His mandibles clicked subconsciously.
"You know how Chakwas loves to say 'I told you so'," he said.
"Damn your turian ears," she cursed, pissed that she hadn't waited long enough for him to not hear her. "And what would you have done without me, hmm? Who would you have chosen to kill?"
"Commander, you didn't kill anyone. Saren killed Williams."
"I know... doesn't make me feel any better about it."
"Yeah. I know," he said as he approached, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Shepard."
"Thanks, Garrus." She sighed and put her forehead on his armored chest.
He lifted his other hand to her other shoulder and just held her there while she composed her self, wishing he knew what to say. Several moments and deep breaths later she raised her head, much more composed than she had been.
"Well, let's get to the galaxy map. You know what goes great with bad news?"
"More bad news?"
She winked and made a click noise with her tongue.
"You know it."
Everyone couldn't help but feel relieved when the Commander announced that the Council had finally come around and that they were heading back to the Citadel for reinforcements. "I want the Normandy at the head of that fleet," she had shouted. And when they looked at her on the way back, anyone could see the hope renewed in her eyes. Finally they were listening to her. Finally they had heard reason. Maybe Williams' death wouldn't be for nothing. The fire in her gut was reignited and it made everyone she passed feel it too.
The day or two it took them to get back to the Citadel flew by. Shepard burst out of the elevator door.
"Garrus," she called.
"Shepard?"
"We have a Council meeting to get to," she said both to him and into the comm. "That means you too Ms. Vas Nema Nar'Raya."
"M-me, Commander?" she said.
"Yes you. I want the people who witnessed talking to Sovereign with me."
The quarian didn't even respond, just burst out of the engineering doors and fell in line as Garrus clacked his boot buckles into place.
The meeting didn't go well.
"What?" she half-shouted, stunned. "We have to meet him head on! If we wait until he brings the Reapers through it'll be too late!"
"Try and see this from our perspective, Commander," the asari councilor droned. She talked about proof and the inability to cause a war with the Terminus Systems, saying that the Reapers had to be a myth and keeping the fleet where they were was the best option. Garrus had stopped listening because he had heard it all before. Instead he kept his eyes on the Commander who, he could tell, knew she was fighting a losing battle, but was fighting nonetheless. Her cheeks were flushed with passion and her tone was desperate. Desperate for them to understand. He wanted to tell her to stop wasting her breath, to save her energy, she was too ill for the strain. But he respected her too much to interrupt her like that in front of the Council.
"I don't think the Commander is going to let this go, Ambassador Udina," the turian councilman said, obviously tired of dealing with the human specter.
"Humanity has made great gains because of you, Commander," the Ambassador said, not even looking at her. Superiority dripped from his words. "But now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."
She was stunned.
"Until further notice The Normandy is grounded," he continued. "The Council can handle this, with my help, of course."
Garrus snatched her fist in mid air, inches from the Ambassador's face. If not for his superior sight he might not have reacted in time, as she moved so fast Udina didn't even realize what was happening until he was staring, wide-eyed, at her fist in front of his face.
"It's not worth it, Commander," Garrus soothed, glaring at the Ambassador.
She pulled her wrist out of his grasp and pointed in Udina's face. Her brow lowered and her green eyes fierce. The small man backed away from her, hands up defensively, and for every step away he took, she matched it. "I will make sure you remember this," she said, gravel in her tone, her face inches from his. "If I didn't have to save the galaxy from a threat bigger than my grudge against you, I would dedicate my immediate future to destroying you. You are so lucky my priorities are in order, Udina," she growled. He was crumbling under her gaze as she turned to let loose her fury onto the Council. "And you three," she raged, stretching her arm and pointing in their general direction. Cold confidence and fury flowing across the space to the three aliens across the room. The three of them faltered, if only briefly, but Garrus saw it. They all realized that they had flinched, and Garrus smiled as Shepard continued. "I will not be stopped by your bullshit politicking. I will find a way to save your sorry asses whether you like it or not!" She turned and stormed away, her aliens close in tow. They were out of earshot in a matter of moments.
"That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen," Garrus chirped.
"God damn it, Garrus, I'm trying to be angry, here."
She made her presence known on the Normandy. People parted in front of her as if she were literally on fire.
"I wish I knew what to say," Tali said to Garrus, watching Shepard kneeling, trying to open her footlocker. She had input the wrong combination twice now.
"There's really nothing to say," Garrus said. But he wished he could think of something too. It was Kaidan who braved the first go at it after her third failed attempt into her locker. I'll say this for him, Garrus thought. He's nothing if not persistent.
"Commander, are you alright?" the Lieutenant offered. Her eyes shot fire up at him and he backed up a step. "I'm sure there's a way to appeal," he tried. "We're under Alliance command after all, not the Council."
Four failed combinations.
"They've made it perfectly clear that official channels are closed to us."
"Closed, huh? And we're supposed to accept that?"
"We're out of the game for now, Alenko," she said,exhaling a frustrated breath, obviously furious and in no mood for him. "I'll figure it out."
"So where do you think the best view will be when the Reapers roll through? If we have to sit it out, we may as well get a good seat." Garrus bristled, both with anger and anticipation, expecting the Commander to explode. What was it about Kaidan that made him think indignation was going to make her feel better? Was he really that dense?
After the fifth attempt at her locker combination she slammed her palm into the locker and turned her back to it, sinking to the floor. She was fighting to keep the anger out of her face, but Garrus could hear her heartbeat, even from the other side of the room. The cold Commander mask was firmly in place, if not a little worn. She wanted to punch Kaidan right in his too-handsome face. Her teeth were gnashing in her mouth, her fists were clutched so tightly they had started to go numb and her small nails were digging into her palms so hard that she felt them puncture her skin.
"I need you to stay strong Alenko," she said as calmly as she could muster. "We'll figure things out. For now, you just have to wait."
"Aye, Commander," he said, awkwardly, obviously regretting his words before offering some new piece of Alenko brand comfort that only seemed to make her more angry. Garrus wondered almost idly if the Lieutenant was worse at reading human expression than himself.
She unclenched her hands and rubbed her forehead with the pads of her fingers, exhaling through her nose. The scent of her blood reached Garrus in an instant, and he thought the scent had been on the air far too much lately.
"Shepard," he interrupted as Kaidan was making another terrible attempt at comfort. He reached his hand down to her to help her up. "The good doctor demands your presence," he lied.
She took Garrus' wrist in her hand and pulled herself up.
"Yeah, okay thanks, Garrus," she said as she stormed away. He followed her into the elevator, leaving an embarrassed Kaidan in their wake. "Thanks for the save," she said after the doors closed.
"You've got to admire his bravery," he said.
"The line between bravery and stupidity is very thin and he's always on the wrong side of it."
Garrus laughed. "Can I help?"
"I doubt it, unless you can take off the land lock on our ship."
"What if I let you punch me really hard?" he offered, turning sideways to flex his arm. "Not in the face, though. That's my money maker, after all."
She laughed, and defeated, put her forehead on his armored chest, moving into his arms like she'd done in the past. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before putting his hands on her shoulders, hoping it was comforting.
"How do you do the right thing when the people you are trying to protect are more concerned with their image than everyone's lives?"
"You'll find a way Shepard, I know you will. You've never let us down in the past."
She looked up at him and smiled, just barely curling the edges of her lips. It was a tired expression, but more content than she had been. He spared a moment to wonder why the Lieutenant was so bad at this, when Garrus could make her smile in less than twenty words.
"What would I do without you, Garrus?"
"Probably kill everyone aboard," he smiled down at her. "And be completely lacking in style, obviously." He almost idly caressed her shoulders and neck with his thumbs as he spoke, hardly aware that he was doing it. Her smile disappeared and he noticed her eyes were looking back and forth between his, and her heartbeat elevated only slightly. She swallowed, something Garrus had noticed usually was associated with nerves. He was trying to figure out what he was doing to make her nervous, so he could stop, when Joker chirped over the ships speakers, startling them both.
"Commander, urgent message for you."
They both jumped slightly, only then noticing the elevator doors had been opened. Neither of them knew how long they had been standing there needlessly. Garrus moved his hands back to his sides and Shepard sank back into her hip.
"What is it now?" she said clearing her throat.
"Anderson wants you to meet him at Flux in the Wards. He said it was important."
"Oh good, I could go for getting drunk," she said as she sighed. "Tell Tali to meet us on deck."
"On your six, Commander."
After the meeting with Anderson, the three of them had sprinted back to the Normandy like lightning.
"All hands," she called into the Cockpit's comm system. "Report to the galaxy map, on the double, on the double," she shouted urgently.
The crew assembled faster than Garrus had ever seen it. They all gathered around the map, looking up at her on the small deck in the center. Her hands gripped the railing as she readied herself to address the crew. The maps light illuminated her face as her eyes moved over everyone. She took a deep breath and exhaled it through her nose.
"It's too big," she said, looking down at her hands. "It's bigger than all of us. And it's happening...right now. I know it's in our nature to hide our heads under the covers and tell ourselves everything is okay. But it's not. The Reapers are coming. They're coming and everything you know and love, along with every other living thing in the galaxy, will be destroyed. Those are the stakes." She let that sink in for a moment as the severity of it all hit the crew before she continued. "I know it's hard to believe. I don't know that I'd believe it if I hadn't witnessed it first hand. But believe me when I tell you we are the only people who can stop this, now. The Council won't listen to us. The Alliance won't even listen to us. Our Ambassador is more concerned with his career than our lives, our families lives. No one realizes it, but the situation is dire, and only we can stop it. The Council has backed us into a corner and desperate measures are necessary." She exhaled a frustrated breath through her nose. "It is because of this, that Captain Anderson is going to lift our land lock. I would be amiss if I didn't tell you that in order to do so he is committing an act of treason. I would also be amiss if I didn't tell you that I intend to steal the ship afterward, thereby committing you all to an act of treason."
She let her words sink in. There were a few concerned looks and some disconcerted mumbling.
"Now that you know what we're up against, it's time you all made the decision. Now is your chance to leave. Anyone who wishes to stay at the Citadel in order to not disobey the Alliance's orders, the Council's orders, is welcome to. Anyone who leaves will not be persecuted by anyone in this crew, and no one will think less of you for making this decision. It is only fair that you know the facts before I ask you all to follow me." The crew all murmured between each other. Several actually looked like they were considering it, Kaidan was one of them, Pressley was one of them. Shepard understood. Their loyalties ran deep and this could very well be a career ender... assuming there was a career to come back to.
"But let me say this;" she continued. "I have come to know every one of you. And I know there isn't a single person in this room who wants to say that when the galaxy was threatened by a rogue specter, a mad man, that they sat, idle, on the side lines. That when the Reapers with their infinite power threatened all life as we know it, they chose to stick their heads in the sand and bow down to the new Reaper overlords." She was almost shouting at them, slamming her fist on the railing to accent her words. "That when we faced total and utter extinction, that they were on a ship that had the power to stop it and instead chose to follow orders, doing nothing!" Wrex slammed his fists together enthusiastically and the rest of the crew started to rile. Garrus chuckled, impressed with how she could play a crowd. "Yes. It's possible we won't be coming back from Ilos. It's also possible that if we do come back from Ilos, and we succeed in stopping Saren, that anyone who had accompanied us will be charged with treason. I know that this is a lot to ask of you. But we have come so far together, all of us, and we have accomplished so much. We may not have always come out unscathed, but we have always come out alive. And those who haven't..." She sighed and looked down at her hands again, thinking of Ashley, wringing her hands on the railing. "Those who haven't would never let us live it down if we let their sacrifice go to waste. Which is exactly what we'd be doing if we sat on our hands and let the Reapers destroy everything in their path. So I am asking you all to trust me. One more time."
Her eyes picked Garrus out of the crowd, his visor glowing in the darkness past the light of the galaxy map. He was leaning back, his weight on one foot, his arms crossed. It was comforting to her to see him there, the same cold confidence, the same immovable nature. She figured most in the crew wouldn't leave, but he was the only one on the ship that she had absolutely no doubt was about to follow her. As if he could read the sentiment from her face, he nodded once at her, and she had to fight a smile.
"The Reapers are coming, folks. They're coming and I am going to stop them. No matter the cost. And I am asking for your help, because we are the only ones who understand the stakes. We are the only ones to have seen what we've seen. We are the only ship willing to risk everything to save everyone. Now what are you going to do?" she shouted, pointing in the general direction they were standing. "What are you going to tell everyone when this is over? Are you going to tell them that you pulled the covers over your head and watched the Citadel fall to our new synthetic masters?" A wave of "NO" came from the crew. "Are you going to tell them you were afraid of a little capital punishment when the galaxy was at stake?" Another wave of "NO" hit her and she couldn't hide her smile anymore. "Or are you going to stand your ground, by my side, and show those ugly, synthetic bastards that we are not to be fucked with?" Fists flew into the air, the entire crew shouting their support in her direction. "Damn right!" she shouted, smiling.
No one left. Not a single person dare leave her side, now. They all knew that if anyone could achieve the impossible, it was her. Everyone rejoiced, shaking hands, patting backs, laughing and cheering, determination and energy flowing through them.
Garrus watched her on the maps platform. She was laughing, rejuvenated by the energy the crew was giving her. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was divine. Of all the expressions he had seen her face express, joy was, by far, the most beautiful on her. His chest swelled with pride. He was proud to serve under her. Proud of her accomplishments. Proud of himself that he had earned the friendship, the trust, of someone like her. In fact, he had never been more proud of anything, than he was of her in those moments when she spoke to her crew that day.
Once the noise died down a bit she slammed a fist into her chest in a universal salute, bowing only enough so that she could still see the crew. She didn't use the American salute that all humans in the Alliance had adopted. She used the salute that was applicable to every species, every race, that every living thing understood as a sign of respect, because that's what was at stake.
"It has been an honor," she said looking from crewman to crewman. As she did whoever she was looking at stood at attention, and returned the gesture, putting a fist over their heart. "And a privilege," Garrus was no exception. "To serve as your Commanding Officer." There was a revered silence for several moments. "Joker," she finally said. "As soon as that lock is lifted you get us to the Mu Relay. We've got a galaxy to save!"
The crowd erupted again.